One of our more unique experiences had to be the beauty contest. I'd never like the exploitation such contests normally represented. And when we discovered Salmoneus was behind the pageant it gave further reason to think that's all it was.
I think Xena and I both learned a great deal. Not only about the contestants and why they would put themselves through the riggers, but also about ourselves.
It once again showed just how competitive I could be at times. We both can be. Xena rolls her eye at this one. I could remind her of the bidding war we engaged in when we were attempting to help Autolycus.
Xena shrugs her shoulders. She places a hot cup of apple cider in front of me. As she stands, she nearly makes me want to take a break from my writing. If she had kissed me a second or two longer, we would be. And by the gleam in azure eyes, she knows exactly what she was doing. As she always does.
I watch her make her way to the fire. Xena is as sexy as ever. There is the beginnings of grey in her midnight hair. There are a few wrinkles around her eyes. But overall, she is the same warrior princess that will forever hold the other half of my soul.
Wow. How many times can I say I'm off topic in one of these entries. I know if Xena were reading over my shoulder, she would say she knew it from the start.
And it's true. When we first began traveling together, I was so nervous. I allowed my natural ability to talk and tell stories to overtake me at times.
So even in my writing how many seasons later, I still have a tendency to ramble. I don't think that will ever change no matter how old I get.
And finally, onto how we stopped a war by crowning a man a queen. I still remember my reaction to the kiss. I was so jealous. Even after Xena had told me the true identity of Miss Known World, I was jealous. And I will be for eternity of anyone who attempts to get between me and my warrior princess.
HERE SHE COMES MISS AMPHIPOLIS
While Gabrielle was definitely enjoying the sun and the sea air, she couldn't help wondering what Salmoneus wanted. The man always seemed to be after what could make him rich the fastest. The last time it had been fizzy water.
War. Why wasn't Gabrielle surprised that at one time this beach ran red with blood. That war wagons cut up the beach delivering weapons that would prolong the battles.
Had it only been a year since the war ended? The only evidence that remained was the shell of a warship by the rocks. Gabrielle could hardly believe it.
Just as Gabrielle was saying it had been enough time for things to return to safe and normal, she tripped over something. Thankfully she was all right. But realizing what she potentially tripped over caused the bard to become anxious.
Before either could fully investigate, familiar sounds caught their attention. Gabrielle realized the clams she had hoped to have for their evening meal would have to be put to a different use.
Clam after clam had the warriors fleeing in no time. It also brought Salmoneus who was attempting to reassure the women that had been being chased.
As Salmoneus finally detailed why they had been summoned, Gabrielle wasn't certain who reacted more vehemently. Xena's voice actually went up an octave.
Who cared what one called it. Gabrielle was right when she said it was merely an exploitation of women. Salmoneus' flippant answer about not needing an excuse didn't go over well with the bard.
It all came down to money as far as Salmoneus was concerned. The fact that nearly every contestant was the girlfriend of a warlord finally revealed the reason they were here. If one of the contestants were to be harmed, war would break out.
Gabrielle couldn't help the barb when Salmoneus said headstones would soon be purchased. She wouldn't be surprised if he did attempt to profit from it. Was that why he wasn't canceling it?
Canceling wasn't an option because each of the warlords was too pigheaded to see their girlfriend was in grave danger. Gabrielle disliked a majority of the males in the known world.
The bard especially hated Salmoneus for even thinking she should be in the beauty contest. Gabrielle was a bard and worked to show just what women were capable of through Xena and her heroics.
In a way, Gabrielle felt guilty for her first reaction after how Xena said she would do it. She would do it because war made everyone a victim. So she would be a different kind of warrior. She would be Miss Amphipolis.
While Xena was posing as Miss Amphipolis, Gabrielle would be posing as her sponsor. In a way, it was very true. The bard would do anything to make certain her warrior princess succeeded in all she endeavored.
The rules were fairly simple. Show up or be kicked out. Three different categories. Gabrielle knew her warrior could handle everything. After all, she had many skills.
The sharp claws were already showing. The contestant who ran into Xena was quite catty. There were a few choice words Gabrielle would love to say to her.
At least Miss Messini seemed a little more welcoming. In fact, Gabrielle hated to interrupt her practice time. As it turned out, their timing was perfect. As was the reflexes of her warrior princess. Of course Xena made it appear that Salmoneus had been the one to save the other contestant.
Gabrielle was becoming more and more annoyed with how Salmoneus seemed more worried about losing money than protecting the contestants. Or making certain she and Xena weren't harmed.
One way to do that was to make herself known to the other sponsors. Gabrielle walked in on the middle of the discussion. From what she had heard, it was concern more about how the accidents affected them than how it affected their contestants.
It was with great satisfaction when Gabrielle spelled out exactly how she was a better sponsor than anyone in the room. If only because she truly cared about the wellbeing of her contestant. It wasn't entirely about winning.
Who was her contestant? Gabrielle couldn't help suppress the grin as she calmly informed them exactly who her contestant was. Of course if they only knew.
Once the meeting was over, Gabrielle made her way to Xena's dressing room. Only her warrior princess wasn't there. She thought it was her when Salmoneus arrived. Time was running out on Miss Amphipolis.
Anyone of the warlords could be behind Xena's disappearance. Even after her warrior finally showed up, just in the nick of time so they could get her into her disguise, it didn't help her relax much. Especially when Xena informed her she had been locked in the steam room.
As always, Xena seemed to take nearly dying in stride. The fact she knew who was behind it probably helped. Gabrielle just wished she could be there when her warrior confronted whoever it was.
Another meeting of the sponsors. Gabrielle was even more disgusted. It was always about the men and not the women. Threats were made to increase the security. It was one thing the bard actually agreed with.
What did Gabrielle tell her contestant to motivate her? If only they knew what she did and said to motivate her soulmate. So she told them they were partners. She asked if there was something she needed.
As the meeting ended with more threats, one of the other sponsors asked Gabrielle if asking stuff really worked. If only he knew how easy it was for the bard to get her way.
It seemed Gabrielle was becoming caught up in the contest. She was comparing the beauty pageant to war. Xena reminded her they were here to stop a war. Why couldn't they be here and do both?
Watching the rehearsal from the wings was rather painful. Gabrielle wasn't certain which of the contestants was inepter. Even Xena was struggling with the ineptness of the other women.
More catiness was experienced when Gabrielle overheard one of the contestants threaten Xena. This really was nearly as bad as war.
Gabrielle's heart nearly leapt into her throat when one of the sponsors shouted that Xena was on stage. As it turned out, it was Miss Artifice. She had to admit, Miss Artifice didn't look too bad in her warrior's leathers.
Cheering for Xena wasn't something Gabrielle could do under normal circumstances. It was wonderful to cheer her on. Even if it was as Miss Amphipolis.
Coming up with a talent was becoming annoying. If only Xena would sing. She had to be the most amazing singer Gabrielle had ever heard.
The fact Xena remained more concerned about the other contestants caused her to be less than enthusiastic when it came to coming up with a talent. What had Gabrielle said that gave her soulmate an idea for her talent?
If only they weren't interrupted. Xena didn't know the time was moved up and Gabrielle had a meeting of sponsors she hadn't been informed of. Something was going on here, not just attempting to sabotage the contest.
The stunt by Miss Artifice was causing the warlords to want to bring in the troops. It was ridiculous and Gabrielle informed them of just that.
Gabrielle especially told them when they promised to declare war at the smallest of slights, perceived or real. They were supposed to be celebrating the peace not reigniting the war once again.
By the time Gabrielle made her way to the dressing room, she was in a foul mood. Seeing what dress they'd left for Xena caused her to call foul. At least the warrior princess could use her many skills to fix the dress.
While Xena practiced her talents, Gabrielle was attempting to keep an eye on the sponsors. She was grateful when her soulmate arrived when she did. Once again they had pushed up the time.
Not only had the time been pushed up, Salmoneus was rushing the contestants. Someone had timing issues. Gabrielle felt her warrior princess stiffen, not that anyone else would notice. Xena knew who was behind everything luckily saving the contestant from certain death by using one of her many skills.
It was time for Gabrielle to stall while Xena put into place whatever plan she had come up with. Sometimes she hated it when she was kept in the dark. Probably an opportunity had arisen and Xena had taken advantage of it.
Gabrielle let slip who her soulmate was but it was a moot point. Xena had already revealed herself. And it was time to announce the winner. Would it be the warrior princess?
Technically Xena did win, but she would not accept. Neither would nearly everyone else. It fell to Miss Artifice who planted a rather impressive kiss upon Xena.
Seeing the liplock had Gabrielle stunned. It wasn't the fact Xena was kissing someone else. It was that a contestant would kiss her soulmate.
Finally away from all the pain of the pageant, Gabrielle listened as Xena finally informed her that Miss Known World was actually a male.
It wasn't necessarily funny. But it was ironic. In the modern world, beauty wasn't assigned to males. And now a male was Miss Known World.
Even though Gabrielle cracked some jokes, she knew in the future should she write about this adventure it would be to show how each contestant had an inner strength they hadn't realized. And that the beauty each possessed was not only on the outside.
()()()()()()()()()()()()()
For once, Xena didn't disagree with Gabrielle when she mentioned the beauty surrounding them. Then again, the warrior princess had always been partial to the coast and the sea.
There was the underlying fact Xena knew how horrible this very beach had been hit by war. Soaked with blood was an understatement. The horrors haunted the warrior princess. Yet today the only true hint of war was the shipwrecked warship.
A year. It was amazing how peaceful things could seem after so long of war raging. Xena closed her eyes only momentarily as she enjoyed the sun and the scent of the sea.
Xena couldn't react fast enough to stop Gabrielle from falling face first into the sand. There were two deep ruts that had caused her bard to trip. They were, fearfully, signs of war wagons.
The one good thing about the ruts was Gabrielle finding clams. Xena smiled at her bard's enthusiasm at having clams for dinner.
The clams would have to serve a different purpose as Xena heard the all too familiar sound. There was trouble up the beach. Around a half dozen warriors were attacking girls. The clams went flying until the warriors were retreating.
Why was Xena not surprised when she saw Salmoneus. She was even less surprised when he had summoned them because of a beauty pageant.
As Gabrielle said, it didn't matter what you called it. This was a battle between women who were more concerned with their outer beauty than their inner.
Celebrate a year of peace by having a beauty pageant? Xena took a deep breath. Only Salmoneus would seize upon the opportunity to attempt to profit from something like this.
It kept getting better as Salmoneus admitted that each of the contestants was the girlfriend of the former warring parties. It meant peace was very well in jeopardy.
Canceling the pageant would be one way to stop the attacks on the contestants. But if those in control didn't want to be the first to withdraw. It meant they had to find a way to ensure the safety of the contestants.
Gabrielle as a contestant? Xena didn't like the thought of that. Not one bit. Her bard could win easily, both with inner and outer beauty. It was the fact the warrior princess didn't want a bunch of men ogling her. Plus, the other contestants would be ruthless. Like so many times before and for the rest of their lives, Xena would always put herself in danger before her bard.
Besides, Xena was the expert at making war. Gabrielle was the expert at making peace. The warrior princess would see the signs sooner than her bard would. So Miss Amphipolis was born.
The contest sounded like every other beauty pageant Xena had heard of. The biggest thing was missing any of the practice or events.
Running into another contestant was never a good way to make an impression. However, the contestant being as rude as could be had her marked number one on Xena's list. Though she couldn't help smirking at her comment.
The next contestant they were introduced to seemed a little more cordial. Xena was about to say something when she noticed it. Without thought, she brought her chakram out of hiding. So that it seemed Salmoneus was the hero, she placed it in his hands.
Saving the contestant was a positive. But the fact she had been under attack was a negative. Things were becoming more complicated by the second.
Salmoneus was being himself. There was a small part of him that was good at heart, not unlike Autolycus. But there was a bigger part of him that the bottom line was all that mattered.
Xena sent Salmoneus for a disguise while Gabrielle was sent to meet the other sponsors. After all, each sponsor had something at stake, more than merely their girlfriends.
The matron of the pageant arriving when she did had Xena scrambling for cover. After all, she didn't need to be recognized. For a moment, she thought she had. Until the matron finally said she had her robe on inside out.
While waiting for Gabrielle and Salmoneus to return, Xena decided to hide her hair in a towel. Most of the other contestants were in the steam room. Hopefully she could have a nice chat with some of them.
The contestant who had run into Xena made it crystal clear. She was here to win. Everyone would be wise to get out of her way. The warrior princess went with the flow not allowing herself to be baited.
Before long. Xena found herself all alone. The fact it was nearing the first event was not a coincidence. She waited only a moment before she attempted to open the door. It was locked or jammed. Either way, she would have to find another way out.
Her many skills came in handy as Xena used her towel to open one of the vents. It took longer than she had hoped for to make her way out and back to her dressing room.
Xena made it back to the room just in time to hastily dress and don the blonde wig, with Gabrielle's help. Salmoneus didn't even recognize her. That was a good thing.
Salmoneus didn't need to tell Xena she had nearly been disqualified. That was the entire point of her being locked in the steam room.
Excusing herself, Xena made her way back to the steam room. She had a feeling who she would find there. It was the same person who had locked her there in the first place. It didn't take long to find what she was looking for and the person she had thought she'd find.
The earring was held out to Miss Artifice. She took it as Xena demanded straight answers. The joke didn't go over well, not with having nearly been sautéed.
Miss Artifice had merely been attempting to scare her. All because Xena knew the truth as the known world would see it. After all, the known world didn't accept those things that were unique and special about Miss Artifice. Here she could shine. As she said as she left her fellow contestant, may the best person win.
Xena found herself being coached by a feisty bard. The warrior princess was amused by her soulmate's drive to win after having not even wanted to have anything to do with it.
Wasn't this supposed to be about stopping a war? Xena couldn't help smirking when Gabrielle said it couldn't help winning during the process.
The practice was something unlike Xena had never experienced. She had seen battles executed more precisely than whatever it was Salmoneus was attempting to accomplish.
The way the sponsor was looking at her made her ill. It wasn't because he had said she looked familiar. Xena was even more irritated at how he had treated his contestant. She made certain he apologized to her.
Xena was ready to pounce when she heard the crowd erupting. Had she been outed? No. It was her friend who had borrowed her leathers. It was only fair each knew the other's secret.
Somehow, Xena had made the top finalist. It kept her in the competition, which was a good thing. Except the final round of competition was the talent part.
What could Xena do beside put her pinch on someone? Or slice and dice? Or…No, she wouldn't sing. There were only select moments when the muse struck her. She hoped Gabrielle understood this with the few times she had sung to her bard.
The focus for Xena remained on discovering who was sabotaging the pageant. Gabrielle's babbling gave her an idea. Not about who was doing the sabotaging but what she could do for her talent.
Once again, Xena and Gabrielle had not been told there was a meeting and the contestants were supposed to be practicing. It meant the soulmates once again were to go their separate ways.
When they both returned to the dressing room, Xena found a dress that was…ugly to say the least. It wasn't as bad as Gabrielle made out. And it was easy to fix.
The matron once again was in the room and witnessed something Xena would rather she not. She was able to give her standard answer of having many skills.
As Xena enjoyed the outdoors practicing her double swords, she noticed Miss Messini. She was crying, but would only say she had something in her eye.
There was the stress they were all under. But that wasn't the case. They all thought it was a crock because they had not long ago been fighting just to survive. That was something Xena knew all too well.
Each of the contestants had a reason to compete. One was for more food. One was to escape the region. And Miss Messini was because her boyfriend was forcing her to.
Xena understood where Miss Messini was coming from. When someone forced you to think only certain things about yourself, it caused you to think the same. In a way, it's how Ares had made her feel for so long. It wasn't until Gabrielle had entered her life that she knew what true acceptance was like.
When Xena returned, she found her 'friend' outside her dressing room. She couldn't resist asking what she was doing in there. The exchange of luck had the warrior princess informing her if she makes her own luck why need the pageant?
And once again, the time had been pushed up for an event. Gabrielle dragged her toward the stage. Not only had the time been pushed up, the acts were being rushed. Salmoneus didn't know why, except he had been told to do so.
Xena managed to save her competitor and make herself look good at the same time. After having watched the crowd, a certain someone in particular, it was time to put this to an end.
The warrior princess managed to round up all the sponsors, minus Gabrielle of course. She tied them so they could be a captive audience.
It didn't take much for Xena to get Lord Claron to admit to what he was doing. He missed the money coming in. What better way than to cause the warlords to think the others were the ones behind sabotaging the contest.
When Lord Claron admitted he didn't think brains and beauty went together, Xena was chagrined to admit she hadn't either. But after getting to know the other contestants, it was clear they were all quite intelligent.
No one wants to make Xena angry. It didn't take much to defeat Lord Claron. Gabrielle entered just in time to see her wrap things up.
Speaking of wrapping things up, it was time for Miss Amphipolis to retire and Xena, warrior princess, to emerge. She made certain Salmoneus knew there was no way Miss Amphipolis would accept the crown.
Xena's withdrawal triggered more of the same. What was better was how each contestant admitted what they had learned about themselves causing their withdrawal. It wasn't long until the only one left was Miss Artifice. Of all the contestants, she was the one who had wanted it the most. It was fitting she be crowned the winner.
The kiss was not something Xena had been prepared for. She could only imagine what Gabrielle was thinking. She only hoped she wouldn't be in too much trouble once she was able to talk to her soulmate.
On the beach, walking away from the threat of war brought a bit of peace to Xena. Explaining who Miss Artifice actually was caused a bit of mirth as well.
The puns though. Xena couldn't help snickering. Yet, she had to warn Gabrielle not to use any of them. After all, the right person with the right amount of beauty had won the contest to represent the known world.
()()()()()()()()()()()()()
Gabrielle was exhausted. Why was it when they didn't actually physically fight she felt more exhausted then when they fought for days?
The only thing that exhausted her more was dealing with emotions. It had been a bit since any deep emotions had crept up. She had a feeling they were overdue.
For now, Gabrielle was focusing on her usual task. They had traveled half a day down the beach before finding a cave. The sea breeze was cool, but the bard enjoyed it just the same. She had already laid out their bedrolls, had the pans ready for whatever it was Xena brought back and was building the fire.
This would be an interesting adventure to add to her scrolls. It wasn't because Miss Known World was a man. It was because of the entire pageant being used to start a war. Something that was supposed to celebrate beauty had been used to bring out the ugliest of things of mortals.
"You can put away the pans." Gabrielle jumped at the sound of her soulmate. Xena chuckled. She didn't know how much longer it would be that she could sneak up on her bard. "I hope you don't mind. I made dinner."
The bard tipped her head. Xena rarely, if ever, was the one who made dinner. If Cyrene had rubbed off on her, she wouldn't worry so much. "And what did you make for us?"
"I thought you wanted something special." Xena brought the bundle from behind her back. It had taken a little bit to dig enough clams for both of them and to steam them. But the expression on Gabrielle's face made it worth it.
"Steamed clams!" Gabrielle made it to her feet. "I'd forgotten all about the clams on the beach with all the excitement. How is it you never forget?"
Xena made certain she was looking into Gabrielle's eyes. "When it comes to you, I try to remember every moment." She swallowed. Mushy wasn't her thing. Yet, she knew by the darkening of her bard's eyes she had succeeded.
"Sometimes I wonder." Gabrielle took the clams from her soulmate. She made her way to where the plates were. She began dividing them equally.
"Sometimes you wonder what?" Xena took her customary place on her bard's left side. She took the plate that Gabrielle had made up for her. Clams weren't her favorite, but her soulmate loved them.
"Sometimes I wonder if anyone else in the world will ever know how truly romantic you are." Gabrielle sat so she was touching her soulmate.
Xena picked up one of the clams. She studied it before sampling it. It wasn't as bad as she thought it would be. She chewed slowly. She knew Gabrielle was waiting for an answer.
There wasn't anyone else in the world Xena wanted to know she was romantic. She knew her mother knew she was. But mothers were supposed to know those things.
"I don't need anyone but you to know how I feel." Xena placed her plate on the sandy cave floor. She picked up the waterskin. The salt of the clams had made her thirsty. Or was it the conversation?
"Xena, it's ok." Gabrielle placed her half-eaten plate on the floor next to Xena's. "I actually meant it as I feel special being the only one who gets to see this side of you."
Gabrielle reached out and tucked a stray dark strand behind Xena's ear. "You make me feel so much. I don't know what I'd do without you in my life. Please, don't ever leave me."
The bard wasn't certain where those words were coming from. It was this sensation she suddenly felt. Like her entire world was about to come crashing down on her.
"If I have anything to say about it, I'll never leave you." Xena swallowed hard. Was it an accumulation of their adventures? Or was Gabrielle worried it had been too quiet as of late?
"I know. And I feel the same way." Gabrielle smiled. She felt relieved they could exchange these words without fear. It was so unlike a couple seasons ago when she had first taken the chance and left her village to blindly follow after the ruthless warrior princess.
Xena picked up the plates. She placed them by the fire. They would be good for breakfast in the morning. For now, she needed to hold her bard.
"Come here." Gabrielle didn't hesitate in making her way to her warrior. There was still daylight. They could both be doing their usual.
For some reason, they both needed this. Just to be in physical contact with one another. Xena settled back on the furs bringing Gabrielle with her.
The only thing missing was the stars. They were out there. And another night they would continue to argue over what they saw as the shapes.