Help and Family
Harry wrote a letter to Hermione, asking her to come – to discuss making the potion if nothing else, and when he went to the owl-box at the back door of Riddle house, Salazar bit him viciously.
"Oy stop it" said Harry. The snowy white owl looked down at him from its perch, well – owlishly.
"You're a post owl. This is post. Stop biting everyone." said Harry. Salazar blinked.
Harry tucked the letter under his right arm, went back inside, and got a rasher of bacon out of the huge shiny refrigerator Jimmy had bought from somewhere, and dangled it before Salazar
"Bacon" said Harry. Salazar lunged forward and snatched the rasher and tore it to bits as he ate.
"Now will you take the letter, without biting me?" asked Harry.
Salazar blinked mutely.
"What's your problem?" asked Harry, rhetorically, but Salazar swooped past Harry out over the lawn. The bare-ish patches were growing back but it still looked… like Harry had used blasting and flame curses all over the lawn. Harry felt a moment's sadness, the swooping slight of a white snowy reminded him of Hedwig, dead so long now.
Salazar dived into the grass near the boundary of the property and landed, pecking and flinging something long, skinny and floppy about. Seemingly satisfied, he picked up… something snake-like and returned to Harry, landed on his perch, dropping a injured or possibly dead grass snake at Harry's feet.
"$The pain$" cried the grass-snake. Harry winced at the tone of hiss – the little snake was really hurt badly by Salazar.
Harry drew his wand and hissed out a parseltounge healing spell on the poor little grass-snake, which closed up it's wounds.
The snake weakly lifted it's head and waved about groggily "$A Speaker?$" it asked.
"What did you have to do that for?" asked Harry of Salazar "It hasn't ever done anything to you."
Salazar clacked his beak and hopped into his owl-box, rummaged round and threw out some straw – and a dried snakeskin. A small snakeskin, that would nearly fit the snake on the ground. Harry thought about that for a moment.
"The snake was in your box?" asked Harry.
"Prek" barked Salazar.
"Oh" said Harry, and he bent down "$Hello, um why were you in my owls' box?$" Harry asked.
The groggy snake lifted it's head "$Speaker is nearby. I must serve$."
Harry joined the dots mentally, and stood up to ask Salazar "Salazar, have you been being crowded out by snakes since I got you from the store?"
"Prek" barked Salazar.
"Oh" said Harry. "I thought it was Kreacher tormenting you?"
"Prek Prek" barked Salazar.
"As well?" asked Harry.
"Prek" barked Salazar.
"I've told him not to" lied Harry. "I'll give him an order. I'll have to do something about the snake."
"Prek Prek" barked Salazar.
"More than one?" asked Harry.
"Prek" barked Salazar.
Harry bent down "$Excuse me$" he asked "$Do all the local snakes want to be close to serve me?$"
"$Many Speakers$" replied the groggy snake, now unable to lift its head. Harry cast the head-injury spell on the snake… it went easier on a snake than Ron.
"$Aaaah$" said the little snake and became still. Harry suspected it was asleep.
He picked it up – it was only the length of a butter-knife, and summoned a branch. Transfiguring the branch into a tiny snake-house took a minute, and Harry erm… poured the sleepy snake in and left the snake-house down on the ground.
Harry stood up and handed the letter to Salazar. "To Hermione Granger." said Harry.
Salazar bit down hard on the letter and launched himself off his perch, flapping once, twice and starting to soar across the lawn, slowly climbing and disappearing into the distance.
"Bloody owl" Harry muttered, resisted the urge to kick the snake-house and went back inside. Words would have to be said to the children about calling all the neighbouring snakes.
Harry passed Jimmy, who cleared his throat. "Boss. Um... your face is cut." said Jimmy awkwardly.
"Salazar" said Harry.
Jimmy nodded, and cast a basic healing charm on Harry's face "That bloody owl. I'm serious it drops a dead mouse on my chopping board one more time, and I'm making owl stew."
Harry sighed. "Well, apparently the local snakes have been crowding his nest box. I um… made a box for the grass snake at the back door. I'll um… have words with the children about calling snakes."
Jimmy nodded, but looked… well a bit disturbed.
"Look, it's just an inherited power" said Harry "Bloody things want to be near, so they can serve a speaker." he added.
"A speaker?" asked Jimmy.
"That's what they call parselmouths" explained Harry "So there may be some snake-boxes at the doors."
"Foster's had to banish lots from inside the house" confided Jimmy. "Caph's the worst, of course" he added.
Harry tried not to wince, and decided to investigate a snake-repelling charm. Maybe there was something simple and quick. Harry set off upstairs towards the parlour, and realised it was either that or add secret passages for the snakes. Great-to the something'th grandfather had… just had parselmouth problems…
Harry found Daphne in the parlour, where he expected, on a chaise that was angled to put her in the sunlight, reading a magazine.
"Daphne" said Harry, throwing himself onto the nearest couch with a thud.
"You're annoyed. Why?" asked Daphne, putting the magazine down. Harry couldn't make out the title. Something about Arithmancy today.
"Salazar" said Harry.
"That owl's going in a crock pot" said Daphne decisively.
"The erm, local snakes have been crowding out his nest box" said Harry. "He savaged a grass snake to show me – it' had left a shed skin in his box."
"And?" asked Daphne, eyebrows raised.
"I questioned the snake. It wants to be near to serve the speakers. I um, suppose I'll have to tell the children not to. Jimmy says that Foster's been banishing them out of the house" said Harry.
"That's not covered in any child-rearing books I've read" said Daphne, absolutely blandly.
"Quite" said Harry.
Silence ensued, Harry looking over at his wife, who was looking less lined from a few days at home.
"What was the letter?" asked Daphne. "Or are you just going to wait for me to learn legelimancy?"
"To Hermione, the potion Millicent found" said Harry.
"Millie or nothing Harry" said Daphne, and blinked.
"So um… anything interesting happening?" asked Harry.
"Perhaps" said Daphne, lifting the magazine.
Harry waited a minute – eyeing Daphne's legs while he waited.
Daphne lowered the magazine "Aren't you going to ask what?"
"I thought you'd tell me when you felt like it" said Harry.
"The gnomes of Zurich sent a letter to Black Books." said Daphne, and she lifted her eyebrows for emphasis.
"They're like… the Gringotts goblins?" asked Harry.
"Richer and smaller" said Daphne mildly.
"Tills?" asked Harry "More income would be good right?"
"Cash registers, calculators, and they've heard rumours of the analytical engine" said Daphne.
Harry blinked, thinking of the monumental sums involved "So much income" he said, his lips unaccountably dry. He licked them.
"Are you part goblin?" asked Daphne jokingly "There are some problems."
Harry sat up. Problems – he liked solving problems.
"What sort of problems?" Harry asked.
"Service for the tills, support for the engine. Theo spends hours every day with them as it is" said Daphne.
"Oh, is it breaking?" asked Harry – it had looked complicated and gone thud when the demo happened, after all.
"They have problems with the programs" said Daphne "And then the engine apparently crashes."
"Oh" said Harry, who vaguely remembered that Dudley's computer crashed sometimes.
"So we will probably have to open an office in Switzerland, so that local staff can service cash registers, and have someone on staff for engine problems."
"That would be helpful for expanding into more of Europe too" said Harry, trying to think of business angles.
"You're not just a pretty face" said Daphne, and Harry blushed.
"So staffing the office is an issue. We need a local to keep us out of trouble with the Swiss canton, someone Theo-like to fix their engine, and we'll need to get Mr Weasley in for the manufacturing and installation of their engine." said Daphne. "Theo can't do that and keep the Gringotts engine running."
"Mrs Weasley won't like that" Harry said immediately.
"Well, it could be a trip to Switzerland" said Daphne. Harry shook his head "I dunno if that'd sell it. She likes being home."
Daphne sighed.
A memory tickled it's way into Harry's consciousness – of the Weasley's going to Romania to see Charlie, and again to Egypt to see Bill.
"Romania" said Harry decisively.
"What?" asked Daphne, sitting up "What are you on about?"
"Charlie Weasley lives in Romania, at a Dragon reservation. Romania's near Switzerland?" asked Harry.
Daphne rolled her eyes "Not that near – you need to cross Hungary and Austria."
"Oh" said Harry, disappointed "Your great-grandmother's in Hungary, right?" he asked.
Daphne made a sort-of pulling a face look "Slovakia these days, but don't ever say so."
"What?" asked Harry.
"Muggle countries split and reformed after Grindelwald's war" said Daphne, and she shook her head "Great-grandmother will not admit the muggles changed the countries around."
Harry had a moment's realisation that Daphne's great-grandmother was like Malfoy crossed with someone even worse than Uncle Vernon – still going on about the British Empire or something.
"Well, she could help organise port-keys" suggested Harry weakly.
"Why?" asked Daphne, sounding curious as to Harry's reasoning.
"So we can visit?" asked Harry, attempting cheerfulness.
"Harry, darling, we're hiding under a fidelious charm." said Daphne "Imprisoned by the ICW. Based in Switzerland, where Nurmengard is."
Harry smiled "No we're not" he said "The fidelius is over the secret that we're not in Nurmengard. Hermione's clever like that."
"We still couldn't go walking into Zurich" said Daphne, shaking her head.
"Not till we're pardoned" admitted Harry, "Percy and Shack will get that done, and your great-grandmother's told the Hungarian Mugwumps to vote with England. We just have to wait till autumn, and the ICW will clear it all up."
"Why have you become an optimist?" asked Daphne.
"Well if that fails, there's always bribery" said Harry bluntly.
"Why not both?" asked Daphne with a shrug. "We could bribe ICW staff. Can you think of any?"
"Commander Vignes" said Harry, pointing at Daphne, "He seemed, well a mostly decent person."
"Our jailer?" asked Daphne incredulously.
"Well obviously, we personally wouldn't be doing the bribing" said Harry. Daphne raised her eyebrows "So not charging in like a Gryffindor?"
"We could get Tracey to do it" said Harry quickly.
"Tracey?" asked Daphne.
"Honestly, she'd obviously do anything for you" said Harry, thinking 'and works for us anyway.'
"Friends are friends" said Daphne.
"Friends who source black market makeup potions" said Harry.
Daphne shrugged "She's good that way."
"So for um staff?" asked Harry "Have you got some cousins in Hungary or something?"
"Why my cousins?" asked Daphne.
"To keep your great-grandmother happy" said Harry "I draw the line at sending money her way."
Daphne nodded minutely. "She does want us to visit with the children."
Harry wondered about the logistics of that – the only simple way seemed to be the car, and that had been the cause of the latest problems. Well the car and a derelict sea-mine. What were the odds of that happening again anyway. It still seemed an annoying trip to visit relations.
"Do we have to?" said Harry, who couldn't help think it was like visiting Malfoys or aunt Marge.
"Don't whine" said Daphne firmly. "We can fly over in a few hours."
Harry sighed "Hermione insists we fly subsonically. It takes hours and hours going that slow."
"We nearly started a war" said Daphne firmly.
"But… it'd take ages" complained Harry, quite missing supersonic flight, now that he thought about it. And blondes in the ocean with nothing on. Still, there was a pool, and the blonde was right here...
Daphne drew her wand and summoned an atlas, and caught it one-handed. She flicked through the pages, finally frowning, and walking out a distance with her fingers.
"About a thousand miles" she said.
Harry frowned. "How fast is the speed of sound anyway?" he asked. Daphne put the atlas down and summoned a crumpled warning card from the mantel.
"Seven hundred and sixty-seven miles an hour according to Hermione's warning card" said Daphne, looking over the card "An hour and a half, tops."
"All seven of them in the car for an hour and a half?" asked Harry "We could stun them, I suppose?" he mused aloud.
"Harry!" said Daphne firmly "Sticking charms and silencing. None of them can do wandless magic – apart from elbowing each other they should be harmless enough."
Hermione arrived the next day, stepping out of the fireplace in the kitchen while Harry, Daphne and all the children were eating breakfast noisily at one of the kitchen tables, with the staff safely behind an invisible barrier at another table. It apparently cut the noise a little – Jimmy had got the idea from bank teller screens. That it made it harder for Caph and his other children to harass Jimmy for food was left unsaid.
The huge fireplace behind Daphne's chair flared green with floo-powder and a dishevelled Hermione stepped out, her hair a mess, in work robes. Hermione stopped and stared at the breakfast table, the children, and Harry, who might have drawn his wand.
"Harry" said Hermione "You're in the kitchen." The children started discussing this loudly, Caph calling out "Aunty Hermione?"
"We have seven children" said Daphne "One of them will need something not served in the dining room, need to go to the loo, or make a mess."
"Or all seven" said Harry "or complain that something's cold."
"But you're in front of the floo" said Hermione, sounding agitated.
"Which is locked down to a limited list of people, all of whom were at Harry's birthday" said Daphne, still not turning her head to see Hermione.
Hermione strode off towards the nearest empty table and before Harry could say anything she ran face-first into the invisible screen. That, thought Harry, had to have hurt.
"Um invisible screen around the table. Stops the children making so much mess and gives the staff some quiet and er…" said Harry, as Hermione rubbed her nose.
"Prevents certain children from haranguing the staff" said Daphne, lips twitching. Harry glared at her. Daphne smiled smugly.
"I um, brought all the ingredients to make the potion" said Hermione, still rubbing her nose.
"Children, you may go play outside" said Daphne, and the children all looked at her. "Unless you want to watch a very complicated potion being made."
Several of them perked up at that. Harry felt a strange warmth in his chest. His children wanted to see some magic being done that wasn't just … foolish wand waving. He smiled slightly at the thought of that phrase of Snape's sticking with him. At least the oily git had died in the war – Harry's children turning up would have doubtless given Snape an aneurysm. Not that Harry had considered giving any if his children Severus as a name. Daphne would never have ... taken that lying down.
"We'll um, need a workbench" said Hermione, her right hand feeling out the invisible barrier.
"Children, are any of you still hungry?" asked Daphne.
Effie said "es" quietly.
"Harry, take Effie to the next table over?" asked Daphne, and she cast a switching spell on the table, that switched all the cutlery, plates, bowls and napkins to the next table over instantly. Harry's mouth opened. He'd known – in theory that Daphne was good at switching spells, because she apparently used then to get changed quickly, but the whole table-worth at one go. His chest warmed still further. He looked over at Hermione, who was blinking, and turning around – the children all stood up with a raucous scraping of wooden chair legs on stone.
Harry stood up, found Effie and led her around the invisible barrier to the next table, and sat with her, as she sat back down at her plate, and ate some – what looked like muesli. Hermione would approve anyway.
"Children, go sit with your father behind the invisible screen. Potion making can be dangerous, and you are all too young to be exposed to that sort of hazard. Hermione, may I assist? I do need to practice potion making, and Harry seems to have been elected to mind the children while you make the potion."
Hermione stood, the children flowing past her, and clearly sighed quietly "Fine" she said, sounding a bit annoyed.
"It's just that professor Snape marking up everyone in Slytherin did us no favours" said Daphne politely "When my OWLS exam came I was woeful at potions."
Harry counted children, subtracted Teddy and got seven, "Now watch quietly so your brothers and sisters can hear" said Harry quietly, and he cast a nifty directional silencing charm that blocked the noise of the children, but let him still hear Daphne and Hermione.
"We'll need a size six cauldron" said Hermione, by way of agreement.
Daphne summoned one from the shelves along the back wall. It landed on the table in front of her with a bump.
"Harry is a bad influence on you" said Hermione mildly. Daphne snorted.
"The potion will need to be heated gently" said Hermione, and Daphne simply swung a fire-hook out and hung the cauldron on it.
"Oh, over the fire" said Hermione.
"It's a little rustic but at least if you drop ingredients there's no cleanup" said Daphne. "If this could be risky, we can go to the potions lab at Grimmauld Place?"
"Erm, it's just fiddly" said Hermione "You've got a potions lab? In the old laundry?"
"It's in the old coal room" said Daphne, rolling up her sleeves. "Harry made it. He's very handy."
Hermione took her tiny bag out of her robe pocket and extracted a thick book, and opened it to a bookmark, "well, we'll need four pints of water and a scruple of salamander blood brought to a simmer" said Hermione "There are a lot of other ingredients to prepare."
Daphne was already filling the cauldron with water from her wand.
Harry watched Hermione pulling more and more boxes of ingredients out of the tiny beaded bag while Daphne helped chop and crush. It was, he thought like a cooking show. Daphne was erm, a bit wobbly with the potions knife. Harry winced – he'd meant to help with Daphne learning potions but had got side-tracked what with children, practising making children, and repairing houses, then Nurmengard. Mostly practising making children, thought Harry, as he eyed his wife's wrists.
"Oh, your arms are a bit wonky, aren't they?" asked Hermione.
"Harry's wrists are worse" said Daphne "He's the one that lost both hands. Only one of my arms had to regrow."
"Does that – erm hurt?" asked Hermione.
"Childbirth is worse" said Daphne, and Hermione got a look on her face that was pissed off Hermione, if Harry remembered correctly.
Daphne crushed some knarl spines with a mortar and pestle, and visibly winced – and Harry felt a sudden pain in his chest, and the urge to run over and pick Daphne up and carry her off to a chaise. Resentment filled him, as one of the reasons he needed the damn potion they were making was that he couldn't pick Daphne up since his hands and wrists had regrown. He eyed Daphne's pestle technique, casting his mind back, trying to remember any tips from Snape's old textbook. Nothing came to –
"Father?" asked Al solemnly, "Is mummy all right, she seems to be in pain?" The words stung like vinegar in a cut.
Harry felt like he was slipping through mud, and wondered what to say. He settled for at least some of the truth.
"Al, everyone your mother and I were very badly hurt in the accident. We've grown back the limbs we lost, but we're not anywhere near as strong and able as usual. Aunty Hermione and Daphne are making a potion to help us regain the muscle we lost. Potions making is something your mum wants to get better at, and Hermione's very good. It is a bit painful for Daphne in places, but once the potion is done, we'll get better." said Harry.
"Will mummy really get better, or is she going to be like Arnold?" asked Caph.
"Arnold?" asked Harry.
"Ginny's pygmy puffskein Arnold" explained Al "Grandma Weasley had to take him away, he'd got too old and sick."
Harry closed his eyes and took a deep breath, exhaled and opened his eyes, to see all his children looking at him intently. They seemed a little nervous. And atypically quiet.
"Neither Daphne nor I are dying" said Harry firmly. "Now pay attention to the potion making."
Hermione loudly explained about the number of stirs, clockwise and the count, and Harry watched several of his children mouthing the count of stirs clockwise.
After the fifth set of stirs, and a little drip of billywig venom added, the potion apparently turned a satisfactory olive colour. The next step was apparently adding four scruples of ground ruby – fortunately they came pre-ground. Daphne measured the ruby powder on potions scales with the tiny weights.
Harry felt moved to explain. At least how the potions scales worked.
"So this next ingredient is ground up ruby, and we need four scruples. That's a small measure of weight" said Harry "Potions scales work very well, even though they look like just two dishes and a bar. When the bar is level, there is as much ruby powder as the four scruples of weights. Since the handle is a chain, it hangs straight down, and the little metal finger on the bar lines up with the chain when there are exactly four scruples.
"Jimmy uses a different kind of scale for cooking" said Caph. Harry was sure she knew what all Jimmy's tools looked like.
"The potions scale is traditional, and basically can't go wrong" said Harry "No matter how much magic is going on."
"So traditional things are better?" asked Hesper.
Harry wanted to blurt out that no, they were often stupid and racist.
"Some things like potions scales have worked for centuries and don't need to be changed." said Harry, and couldn't help saying "And some traditional things are just stupid and need to be updated."
His children looked confused by that.
Jellyfish suckers, ground up oak bark and chopped lonely leek finished the potion off. Harry grimaced slightly – no wonder potions tasted so bad.
And the children had pretty much lost interest, and were kicking the floor, poking one another and eyeing Harry.
"Fine, go play outside" said Harry, feeling proud that they'd stayed this long "And no calling snakes. It gives Mrs Foster extra work and upsets Salazar."
A number of his children… Caph included left looking put-upon.
Hermione waited till the last child had left the kitchen then said, sounding quite exasperated, "Honestly Daphne, get Harry to help you with technique," which sounded a little rude to Harry.
"Harry's technique has improved astronomically" said Daphne "But yes, I would like some potions technique help from Harry. We seem to be busy what with seven children, and something about being imprisoned."
Hermione frowned then blushed – evidently picking up on Daphne's lewd joke.
"Well, you'll have some time while you two pretend to be in prison" said Hermione.
Harry dropped the sound cancelling spell and walked around the invisible wall. "When you can't go places it's like being in prison" said Harry.
"With a chef, your whole family and a fidelious to protect you" said Hermione.
"I have smart friends" said Harry, "We both missed the children."
Hermione gave Harry a look that spelt out 'Even Caph?' Harry nodded minutely, and Daphne looked over at Hermione suddenly.
"We love all our children equally" said Daphne, and made it sound believable. She sounded healthier today, thought Harry.
"And Teddy" said Harry mildly.
"Teddy is a godsend" said Daphne "Or we would have had having a Black heir to fight about as well." That had Harry thinking about their awful first year.
"Thank Remus and Tonks" said Harry, feeling a moment's sadness – the Lupins would have been a fantastic resource for Daphne and Harry, and aunt Andromeda clearly missed Tonks every day.
Harry pointedly avoided thinking about how he'd feel if any of his children died before he did. It wasn't going to happen – and as soon as he had the bloody Hallows back from the British ministry – who'd got them from the ICW somehow, he was going to make sure of that. Just a careful spot of rapid medicinal ressurection if it was ever required, no Horcruxes. He didn't need to end up as bad as uncle Tom.
-==0==-
For breakfast the next day, Daphne provided a vial of greenish potion for Harry and herself. You could, mused Harry, taste the suckers. Utterly ghastly, slimy and cold.
A week of vile potion twice a day, lots of meat, and Harry had almost lost the line where his muscles had grown back. The hand weights didn't hurt anymore, and Daphne had mastered the mortar and pestle, grinding, powdering and crushing with no more winces.
Harry used the always available hand weights of children, and had progressed from lifting Effie to lifting the much older Altair. Daphne frowned at Harry for that, but had taken to standing in the ballroom, on one leg, on tiptoe while holding hand weights.
"I think" said Daphne, lowering one leg "that we could dance."
"Dance?" asked Harry.
"You can't lift me yet, we can work up to that" said Daphne. Harry gave Daphne a warm smile, and she shook her head "Dancing" she repeated.
By the end of August, Harry was firstly, sick of the potion, and secondly, strong enough to lift Daphne when dancing. Or any other time, he mused. Daphne had taken up swimming – and bullied Harry in to actual swimming, not just snogging in the water. It was hard work swimming laps, but the potion helped with recovery. And Daphne did provide some snogs at the end of the daily swim.
With the justifiably loved Teddy Lupin headed back to Hogwarts for a second year, going to see great-grandmama seemed like a reasonable plan. Teddy had been fussed over till his hair went reddish from embarrassment. Harry felt smug at that. And warm on the inside, like he'd been drinking hot butterbeer.
A day later, Harry looked in the rear-view mirror of the Wolsley, to see either Effie or Stella biting on one of their brother's arms. The blond one, so that was Rigel, who was pulling her pigtails in what might be retaliation. In magically induced silence.
"Daphne" said Harry, wondering how other parents survived, "One of the girls is biting Rigel."
Daphne turned in the front seat "Rigel, stop pulling your sister's hair. Caph, don't think I can't see you're elbowing Al. Effie, or Stella, whichever one of you is biting Rigel, stop it this instant. We're going to see great-grandmother in Hungary and I expect a certain standard of behaviour that is not being met!"
Harry eyed the approaching snow-capped spread of mountains. They were coming so slowly, the car was hardly moving. Not having the Hallows back from the ministry, he had no choice but to use his holly wand, and while he loved his wand – he really did, it just didn't give satisfying acceleration. He was also, as Daphne moved in the seat next to him to turn to face the children, being watched like a hawk by Daphne not to take the car over a measly seven hundred miles an hour. For safety. It rankled, and the children – he spared another glance in the rear-view mirror. Well they were bored and fighting. Heaven knew he and Dudley had fought like a sack-full of ferrets in the back seat of Uncle Vernon's car on the rare long trips. Mostly, thought Harry, the time they went on the run to avoid his Hogwarts letter.
George and Theo had applied a fresh coat of radar-absorbing paint before they set out – mostly to stop Hermione from fussing. Apparently rain damaged the radar absorbing paint, so no flying through thunderstorms. Harry had tried not to roll his eyes at that particular warning.
Harry heard Daphne casting some spells- sounded like full body-binds. He risked a check of the rear-view mirror. Caph's were locked by her sides. Rigel and his sister were now spaced apart and full body bound.
"Is that a good idea?" asked Harry quietly.
"If they arrive with bite marks, pulled hair and black eyes, great-grandmama will think we're little better than wild beasts" said Daphne.
"As your mother said" said Harry tiredly "We're arriving un-bitten, un-elbowed and without pulling your sister's hair. I know you're bored, but we can't take a portkey, because the ICW still thinks we're in prison, and you can't floo over borders – the floo network doesn't connect up between countries." Harry hadn't known that, but it was in hindsight, fairly obvious.
Daphne turned back to face forward, and did up her seat-belt with a click. She gazed out the windscreen "Are those the Alps?" she asked.
"Um, I think so" said Harry.
"You think so?" asked Daphne.
"I thought you were navigating" said Harry.
"I've never flown to great-grandmama's castle" said Daphne "Only portkeyed. These mountains don't look familiar." she looked down, presumably at the map she had spread on the bench seat "Have we been going south-east all the time?" Daphne asked.
"Pretty much." said Harry, staring at slowly approaching mountains.
"Good" said Daphne, sounding distracted. "When we get to the Alps, turn left."
"Left. Got it" said Harry.
"Follow the northern edge of the Alps to Wien, then over the little Carpathians, left at Bratislava, up the valley, and Cachtice is on the mountains on the left side.
"How long do I got left at the Alps for?" asked Harry, seeing mountains ahead.
"Um" said Daphne. "About um… two hundred miles. So um… two sevenths of an hour."
"About ah?" said Harry, trying to do mental arithmetic "fifteen minutes?"
"You can't miss Wien" said Daphne. "It's big."
"Um, just one question" asked Harry.
"Mmm?" said Daphne.
"What's Wien?" he asked, feeling a bit oiky.
"Vienna then" said Daphne.
"Oh" said Harry. He'd heard of Vienna.
"You'll be going east" said Daphne more confidently. "About fifteen minutes, then over Wien, to Bratislava – for a few minutes, it's only forty miles or so… then north-east forty miles."
Harry looked at the dashboard clock.
"We left at ten, didn't we?" he asked.
"We were going to leave at ten but Hesper had to go to the loo" said Daphne.
"Ten past?" asked Harry.
"Maybe a quarter" said Daphne.
"At seven hundred miles and hour, where could we be?" asked Harry.
Daphne went "hmm" and rustled about.
"Almost certainly the Alps" said Daphne finally.
"So turn left?" asked Harry.
"Right" said Daphne – and Harry resisted the urge to turn right, and turned left.
More flying happened, over a large city – a huge building that had to be some sort of church had a two-headed eagle picked out in red slates.
Then, as Daphne predicted, countryside with roads, then a smaller line of mountains.
"Now, there are magical creatures in the little Carpathians" said Daphne.
"Like, what?" asked Harry.
"Um, Harpies?" said Daphne sounding unsure. "Just stay high."
Harry turned the heater up and climbed.
The little Carpathians were… not more than a minute or two to cross, and they turned left up the broad valley.
"There it is, on the hills to our left" said Daphne excitedly a few minutes later. Harry spotted a small castle, whitish stone, sort of triangular, that had clearly grown bigger over time. The roofs were covered in terracotta tiles.
"Land on the driveway and drive in – there's nowhere to land a vehicle inside the walls. On purpose" said Daphne. "And even brooms don't work inside the castle."
Harry inhaled, and pulled down firmly on his wand, descending quickly, before some ancient anti-flight enchantment cause the car to crash. He slowed the car to under forty miles an hour, and landed the Wolsely on the driveway leading to the outer gatehouse, on one end of a triangular point, and rolled sedately up to the gateway, which had a portcullis. Harry stopped the car.
"Just a tick" said Daphne, unbuckling her seatbelt and getting out. She walked to the portcullis and touched the bars, and with a clonking noise it retracted into the gatehouse. Daphne to back in and explained "Opens for blood relations on touching it." Harry nodded and gestured minutely behind them.
"Not yet" said Daphne sternly "Great grandmama will not be seeing a resumed war in the back seats."
Harry put the Wolsely in gear and drove slowly through the doorway, through a claustrophobically narrow gatehouse tunnel, into the outermost ring of the castle.
There was a sensation like a portkey for a moment.
"What was that?" asked Harry, concentrating on not scraping the car on the walls.
"Spatial displacement charm. The muggles get a different Cachtice castle, one that's fallen down. We get the real one" said Daphne "As muggles can't do magic we have to have it work on us, not them."
"And it's a defensive measure" said Harry quietly.
"If I wasn't in the car, and the children too probably, you'd get a ruin" said Daphne.
The path turned around to the left, but a line of small buildings like garages lined the wall directly ahead.
"The sign says parking, so park here" said Daphne. Harry looked over and there was a hand-painted sign that said something – that Harry couldn't read it and it wasn't even all letters he recognised.
Harry stopped the car in a spot that looked like he could easily back out, and get the doors open.
In the rear-view mirror, Harry could see a squat little old lady with black hair puffing down the main path from the rest of the castle.
Daphne opened her door, and Harry could hear someone yelling.
Daphne got out, and the yelling abruptly stopped. Harry got out too, and turned. The little old lady, dressing in a plain black dress and an apron puffed over.
"Daphne" she said, and held out her arms.
"Frau Farbissiner" said Daphne, and stepped into a quick hug. "This is my husband, Harry Potter-Black"
"Das Slyther?" asked Frau Farbissiner.
Daphne nodded, and Frau Farbissiner came to Harry's side of the car and curtseyed. "Das Slyther" she said. "Welkomen zu Scoloss Cachtice"
"Harry doesn't speak German or Hungarian, Frau Farbissiner" said Daphne, and Daphne drew her wand, leaned into the car said something like "Behave!" and cast some spells. Then she opened the back doors, and children piled out – all seven of them.
Frau Farbissiner put her hands on her hips "Many Child" she said in broken English. "Trunken?"
Harry walked around the milling children who were staring at the castle, and opened the boot, and started taking out trunks. All ten of them. Mr Weasley had correctly predicted that Daphne didn't travel light by preference.
Frau Farbissiner eyed the pile of trunks, and drew a black wand, and with a single flick, banished all the trunks with a loud crack.
"Thank you Frau Farbissiner" said Daphne. Frau Farbissiner nodded, and turned and pointed to the castle "We go!" and she set off. Her pace was fairly slow, so Harry could herd his smaller daughters and sons. Unfortunately it was a long walk, through gateway after gateway.
Harry ended up carrying two daughters before they stopped at immense double doors inside a building.
"Don't worry this is just the front hall" said Daphne, and Frau Farbissiner opened the doors with a wave of her wand, and there was a hall – not a patch on Hogwart's s great hall, but a large hall, and at the end, under a row of stained glass windows, were two throne-like chairs. Daphne's great-grandmother sat in one, and great-grandfather … Franz? sat in the other, in that strange uniform.
Frau Farbissiner herded them all forwards to the throne-like chairs.
"Children, this is your great-great grandmother, the countess Erzabet Bathory" said Daphne.
"You can call me great-great-grandmother" said Erzabet.
"You're the greatest?" said Sirius, and Franz coughed to cover up a snort.
"And this is your great-great-grandfather Franz" said Daphne. Franz waved – he really did look quite worn down, thought Harry.
"Leibling" said Daphne's Great Grandmother "And your husband, and the children. Well done."
"We had to come by flying car, couldn't get portkeys" said Daphne.
"Oh, those poor babies" said Erzabet "They must have suffered so. Frau Farbissiner, are the refreshments ready?"
"Yes mistress" said Frau Farbissiner. "Sugar cookies and tea"
Harry's seven little locusts perked up at hearing the word sugar.
Daphne gave Harry a look that might mean 'we're about to have a feeding frenzy.'