A journey I never wanted to make. A journey I didn't know how to take. A journey I was forced to endure. It's something that will haunt me for eternity.
There were some bright spots along the way. Iolaus turning up just when I needed help in protecting Xena's body. Ephiny and the amazons loyal to her giving me a focus. And most of all, Autolycus for once again showing he has a heart of gold, though no one is supposed to know.
The nightmares were the worst. Every night, even after staying with the amazons, I had nightmares. I could see it happening over and over again. And I could do nothing to stop it or find a way to save my soulmate.
I understand more now how Xena felt when I had died. It was only for a few moments, but it was enough to terrify my soulmate. And she doesn't terrify easily.
I'm not sure what else I can say. I lost the other half of my soul. It nearly killed me. If it wasn't for Ephiny and the amazons, I don't know what I would have done.
My strength was nearly spent when Ephiny found me. I'm not certain I would have made it to Amphipolis on my own. While I wanted to adhere to Xena's wishes, I couldn't muster the physical or emotional energy to do so. At least not how she had wished. I had intended on bringing her ashes to rest with Lyceus.
Two hands are upon my shoulders. They squeeze gently. In some ways, this isn't even the most difficult of the chronicles I'll write. Yet, it's enough for both of us to be overwhelmed with our emotions.
I'll leave the introduction at this. I still have nightmares. We both do. But I will never regret a moment of my time with Xena. Our journeys were destined before the beginning of time.
I'm just grateful Xena was able to make it back to me. each and every time. Though the last one was even more intense in bringing her back. But that's a story for another time. I promise.
THE QUEST
Nightmares. It didn't matter it had been weeks since Gabrielle had seen Nickoli. Or that it had been weeks since Xena had…died.
The bard shivered at the thought and cursed the memories that wouldn't leave her. Gabrielle wondered if she would ever be able to sleep through the night again.
Thugs. Gabrielle had her staff in her hands ready to defend Xena's body with her life. And she would. There was no way anyone was taking her soulmate's body away from her.
It was always about money. These thugs didn't care one way or another for Xena. All they wanted was to prove that she was dead. While alive, there was a price on her head. And after death, there was a price to prove it.
Did Gabrielle think a corpse was worth dying for? It didn't matter if her soulmate was alive or dead. Of course she thought Xena's body was worth dying for.
Just when Gabrielle thought she might lose, someone she didn't think she'd see began assisting her. Iolaus. They had parted as potential lovers. But she knew the stories of herself and Xena had to give him an inkling where her heart lay.
Without thought, Iolaus threw himself into battle. He didn't even know what he was fighting for. Gabrielle was grateful for his assistance and thankful when the thugs were on the run.
Iolaus couldn't believe Xena was gone. Gabrielle had witnessed everything and still had trouble reconciling the fact her soulmate had crossed over with what her soul desired.
Was there a part of Gabrielle that hated Xena? Unfortunately, there was a part of her that did. The one that had wanted her soulmate to fight to be with her.
Her friend tricked her. Iolaus had Gabrielle speak from the heart. Tell her soulmate some of the things she rarely spoke of. The last thing, about how much she loved her, the bard told her in life. But did she tell her often enough?
Just speaking to Xena helped to refocus Gabrielle. To Amphipolis she had to go. The bard would get her soulmate's body safely there and resting next to her brother.
It was difficult to say goodbye to Iolaus. Gabrielle would have like to have company, but understood why he needed to break the horrible news to Hercules in person.
Traveling alone again, Gabrielle was lost in her thoughts. In her constant conversations with her soulmate. Being so distracted, she almost missed the sensation of being watched.
Xena would have been proud when Gabrielle called out Ephiny in hiding. The entire amazon nation was in mourning? The bard wanted to respond they didn't know the meaning of mourning.
The women of the tribe were mourning one of the greatest female warriors to ever exist. While that was powerful, nothing could compare to what Gabrielle felt at losing her soulmate.
There was something about the unfamiliar amazon Gabrielle disliked. She couldn't place it. She attempted to focus on the suggestions. An amazon funeral pyre for Xena?
It wasn't merely the fact Xena wasn't a huge fan of the amazons or felt she should not be honored by them; it was because the warrior princess wished to rest next to her brother for eternity.
A reason why Velasca had instantly rubbed Gabrielle the wrong way. Melosa was dead and Velasca was now queen. After killing her in a supposedly fair challenge.
Gabrielle was queen? The bard didn't need the responsibility on top of dealing with Xena's death. There was the one positive. She could stay with Ephiny. She could even see Xenan again. A child that would not be alive if not for her soulmate.
So Velasca had challenged for the crown before, but was defeated by Terreis. It made Gabrielle wonder if this second time around had truly been fair or not.
There was her leadership role. Velasca wanted the old way back. The way where war was all they ever knew. The fact it would place centaurs versus amazons would affect Ephiny the most. It would hurt Gabrielle's friend.
But there was Xena. Gabrielle had made a promise. She couldn't leave her soulmate alone. She had to return the warrior princess to her home village.
Would an amazon pyre release Xena's soul? Or was it already trapped somewhere. No matter, Gabrielle really didn't want to let her go as Ephiny suggested. And never would.
Velasca interrupted Gabrielle and her friend for a very devious reason. She wanted the crown for herself. The amazon thought of herself as queen and that the ceremony was merely a formality.
Gabrielle took Velasca's words for what they were. A threat like that didn't set well with the bard. It was one thing she had learned from her time with Xena. Innocent words that sounded on the surface like a compliment or their own destiny were really meant they would do anything to get their way.
Alone to think. Gabrielle knew Xena wouldn't want her to be depressed and cling to the pain. While she would never fully let her soulmate go, she needed a path. She needed a reason to keep going.
The expression on Velasca's face when Gabrielle announced she would take Xena's ashes to Amphipolis only to return to rule as queen was priceless. It was also dangerous.
The celebration didn't take long to go into full swing. Gabrielle was in no mood to party, but knew it was part of the amazons' traditions.
The celebration ended nearly as soon as it began. Velasca made it clear she didn't think Gabrielle was the true queen by throwing the dagger at her. Luckily, it was caught by the mask.
Anger grew inside the bard at Velasca's words. Who did she think she was to deny Gabrielle the right of caste all because it was overheard by Ephiny. Who supposedly bore the enemy a child. The only enemy the bard saw was Velasca and her followers.
Gabrielle had had enough. She ordered quiet and told Velasca to take what she wanted. It was telling the amazon went for the dagger before the mask which the bard immediately placed upon her head to the cheers of most of the amazons.
There was one thing left for Gabrielle to do. She wouldn't say goodbye. She would tell Xena how she had been made queen. The farm girl from Poteidaia.
It was time Gabrielle searched for a purpose. She was no longer traveling with Xena. She was no longer fighting for the greater good.
What Gabrielle would do was attempt to lead the amazons into a new era. While she would not deny their warrior past, she also would help them embrace a way that entailed words as well.
No more tears would be shed for Xena. Tears were for those you would never see again. Gabrielle knew their souls were connected. And one day, whether in the afterlife or another incarnation, they would be reunited.
After composing herself, Gabrielle reentered the tent housing Xena's sarcophagus. The bard was shocked to see Autolycus standing next to the warrior princess' sarcophagus.
His explanation was as ridiculous as one could get. Gabrielle didn't have time to deal with a man she had thought was her friend attempting to steal her soulmate's body. It was time. She would deal with Autolycus later.
Even though it was her nod that ok'd the lighting of the funeral pyre, Gabrielle still had trouble watching as the flames began to slowly eat away at the sarcophagus.
That war cry. Those moves. Gabrielle was shocked to say the least. Had Autolycus been telling the truth? When she witnessed the chakram flying from the king of thieves' hand it convinced her Xena was somehow communicating through Autolycus.
Ephiny attempted to restrain her. Gabrielle couldn't explain it even if she wanted to. She knew she had to go with Autolycus and Xena's body.
Gabrielle knew a war party would be after them. They at least had a head start. The bard took a moment to understand where exactly was Xena. Was she in her friend's body? Was she merely communicating?
The bard wasn't prepared when she was asked to close her eyes. Gabrielle was even more unprepared when she opened them to see her soulmate standing before her.
Gabrielle nearly lost it when Xena said she wasn't completely dead. She knew she had to keep it together until they could figure out a way to bring Xena back.
There were so many things Gabrielle wanted to say to Xena. But there wasn't time. What was most important was bringing the warrior princess back to her body.
Ambrosia? Gabrielle wasn't certain why it was needed. But she would trust Xena with her life. There was one thing that was for certain. The bard had grieved. And she couldn't ever lose her soulmate and go on. Never again.
The kiss was unexpected. It was her soulmate. Gabrielle felt it. There was a reconnection that had never truly been lost. It felt amazing to be kissed by Xena once again.
That was until the awkwardness began. When Gabrielle returned to reality, it wasn't Xena she was kissing. Worse was the fact Autolycus had his hand on her butt.
Watching as Autolycus hit himself in the face nearly had Gabrielle giggling. It was in release of all the tension and grief the bard had been carrying around for so long.
When Xena, through Autolycus, suggested getting rid of the sarcophagus, Gabrielle instantly knew what she meant. Sending it down river should keep it hidden until they could recover it later.
Impressing Xena. It was all Gabrielle had wanted to do when they first began traveling together. While there would always be a part of her that would want it, she was more concerned with loving her soulmate.
The cave had hidden the entrance extremely well. Luckily Xena stopped Autolycus before he found a pointed ending.
Climbing would be the next course of action. But once to the top what then? The shape was familiar. But as they needed her the most, Xena faded away. It meant Gabrielle and Autolycus were now captives of Velasca and her minions.
At least Gabrielle was with Ephiny and a few other loyal amazons. It wasn't too long until Autolycus was thrown into the prison with them. Unfortunately, his arm had been broken during Velasca's torture session. As usual, the bard took charge and ordered a splint for her friend.
Gabrielle was disappointed that Ephiny would give up so easily. As long as there was one person to stand up to Velasca and keep her from the ambrosia, they wouldn't lose.
The bard watched carefully as Autolycus removed the pin holding Solari's bra together. He was definitely treading on dangerous ground.
Luckily, Autolycus was able to pick the lock and free them. Ephiny and Solari made quick work of the guards. Gabrielle ordered her friends to retrieve Xena's body. Not so surprisingly, the king of thieves offered to finish what the bard and he had started before being so rudely interrupted.
They made it to the cavern just as Velasca was to begin climbing. Autolycus, with or without Xena, couldn't climb. It had to be Gabrielle because of his broken arm.
Suddenly, Gabrielle felt warmth, love, protection and everything she associated with Xena. Her soulmate was inside her. And she was taking over control of her body.
It was so different watching from her own eyes as Xena did the impossible. Gabrielle was accustomed to watching as a spectator. Now, she was a part of the action.
Just as Gabrielle/Xena had finished with Velasca, losing a majority of the ambrosia, Ephiny and the others arrived with Xena's body. Luckily just a small piece hit just right and the bard placed it in Xena's mouth.
It seemed like forever after having placed the ambrosia in Xena's mouth before anything happened. It was a slow process, but her warrior princess was alive. Gabrielle was holding her soulmate, carefully, in her arms.
Autolycus was sweet in saying he wished he had a good as friend as Xena. She admired the king of thieves. He would never admit to having a heart of gold.
Gabrielle waited until after Autolycus and Xena had said their goodbyes before taking her place beside her soulmate. Once again, the bard begged her warrior princess to never die again to which she easily promised.
Both knew that was nearly an impossibility. Even if Xena were to hang up her sword and chakram, there were far too many that would come after the warrior princess.
Xena couldn't take a compliment. Gabrielle had said the truth. She felt loved. Even in the middle of a fight, she felt so much from her soulmate. The world needed people like that.
More so, Gabrielle needed her soulmate. She wasn't certain if she could ever go on should Xena die on her again. She only hoped when there was a next time, they would die together.
()()()()()()()()()()()()()
Xena was cursing herself more and more. Each nightmare Gabrielle had to suffer because the warrior princess gave up. She refused to fight to fulfill her promise of returning to her soulmate.
With M'Lilia's help, Xena was able to escape the crucifixion she had been judged to endure. The warrior princess had things to do and hanging around wasn't one of them.
It was her old friend who informed Xena what she needed to obtain to return to her soulmate. Now it was only a matter of finding the perfect person to pull it off.
Since it involved stealing, Xena could not think of anyone more appropriate than Autolycus. It was only a matter of convincing him. Especially to make certain he wasn't going mad.
Their communication needed work. Autolycus thought she wanted him to return the dagger. She needed it and the book to find the ambrosia on amazon land.
It took a great deal of time and effort on Xena's part for Autolycus to hear her. Once they could freely communicate, it would make things that much easier.
What would Xena want with the king of thieves? That was easy. She needed Autolycus to steal her body from the amazons. Simple, but not easy at all.
And not easy to convince Autolycus that Xena really was inside him. That he wasn't going crazy. And that she needed him desperately.
It took longer than Xena had thought it would. In fact, Autolycus thought the warrior princess had been attempting to stop him from stealing the dagger. In fact, it was she who had planted the idea in his head.
Xena, once Autolycus seemed more open to believing her, hastily explained what she needed. The ambrosia. Her body from the amazons. The dagger was the key and the book was a map.
The warrior princess agreed to not interfere with Autolycus' natural body movements. It would save her energy that was rapidly depleting. Unfortunately, she would be there for a rather embarrassing part.
It wasn't long before they were in the amazon camp. Autolycus was right. Those masks the amazons wore made seeing difficult. Already, the king of thieves was testing Xena's patience.
Xena knew Autolycus had his way, but he needed to hurry. The party was beginning. That meant it wouldn't be long until the funeral pyre was lit and they had no chance of recovering her body.
The warrior princess had to admit to being impressed. It was something else to watch as the king of thieves did his thing. It was only too bad that Gabrielle had to interrupt him.
Why did Autolycus have to tell the truth? No one would believe Xena was inside his body. It sounded so pathetic and he ended up in jail.
Luckily, no one was looking and Autolycus was able to pick the lock. The only problem was that they were too late. The fire had been lit.
Agreement or no, Xena had to act fast. She told Autolycus to let go and hold on. She couldn't resist giving her war cry as she fought the amazons and managed to retrieve her body. Thankfully, Gabrielle believed the king of thieves and turned her back on her amazons to come along for the ride.
Xena was proud of Gabrielle and grateful. She understood right away they needed to hide the body. Impressive how her bard thought of sending it down the river to hide it.
The warrior princess needed to touch her soulmate. Technically it wouldn't be her body, but it didn't matter. They had been separated too long. Xena had tortured Gabrielle long enough.
All Gabrielle had to do was close her eyes and think of Xena. It was as if they were together. It was their hands that touched.
Xena hastily explained what they needed to do. Luckily, the warrior princess wasn't completely dead. They needed the ambrosia. The rest, Xena already knew. There was no need for words from her soulmate.
In fact, actions spoke louder than words. Xena forgot she wasn't in her own body as she leaned in. It was their lips that touched. It was their souls that momentarily reconnected.
Then the illusion ended. Autolycus had had his hand on Gabrielle's butt. Xena forgot it was really her hand that had been on her bard's butt and let the king of thieves know she wasn't happy in the least.
Xena watched through Autolycus as they made their way inside the cavern. She had to stop him from getting the wrong point.
Apparently Xena had spent too much energy in having her moment with Gabrielle. The warrior princess cursed herself as she could only watch what was transpiring. Velasca had her soulmate and Autolycus.
It led to Velasca breaking Autolycus' arm. It led to Gabrielle joining Ephiny and the other loyal amazons in prison. All Xena could do was rest and wait for another chance. She knew Gabrielle wouldn't give up. She would fight until there was nothing left to fight with.
Her moment happened just as Velasca began to climb. Autolycus was of no use so Xena had to take over Gabrielle. Being inside her mind was…The warrior princess had to shove the emotions she felt aside and do what she had come for. To prevent anyone but herself from obtaining the ambrosia.
As soon as the fight was over, Xena felt all her strength leave her soul. She sensed her body was near. All she could do was wait and see if they succeeded.
Luckily, a small piece of ambrosia was saved after being destroyed in the fire. It was an overpowering sensation life being forced into her body. Xena remained exhausted but she was able to open her eyes.
The most beautiful eyes in the world were looking back at her. Xena managed a weak smile as Gabrielle gathered her to her. They didn't even need to say anything. They just knew.
Resting but doing what always calmed Xena, she had to face Autolycus. It was the one thing the warrior princess knew. She would have to suffer through whatever the king of thieves required as payment. She gave as good as she got, as usual.
And then it was Gabrielle that Xena had to face. Yes, she had promised. And yes, the warrior princess would do everything in her power never to die. Or at the very least not leave her soulmate alone again.
Warm? Friendly? Though Xena had said it was a fight, she knew it was true. She had felt the same things. That's why she had to push them away so she could concentrate on defeating Velasca.
Protected. People did need that. Xena only hoped with every fiber of her being that she could be that for Gabrielle. Too many times the bard had been hurt because of Xena. And this time, it was the warrior princess herself that had hurt her soulmate.
()()()()()()()()()()()()()
The queen's hut. It wasn't something Gabrielle thought she would ever reside in. Even though it was only temporary while Xena fully recovered and the new queen made a few changes, it was still better than sleeping under the stars. At least for a few nights.
Gabrielle watched as Xena sat by the fire. She stared into the flames as if she was hypnotized. The last time the bard had seen her soulmate like this was after Callisto and the damned poisoned dart.
The bard made her way beside her soulmate. Gabrielle didn't hesitate in sitting next to Xena on the floor. She leaned her head on her soulmate's shoulder.
"How are you feeling?" Gabrielle knew better than to ask, yet she had to. While she had lost her soulmate, Xena had had to fight just to return. Fight what was the question that maybe not even the warrior princess knew the answer to.
Xena shrugged. For once, it wasn't because she was a woman of few words or that she hated to speak about her emotions. It was because she honestly didn't know how she was feeling.
Gabrielle decided not to push. In time, Xena would open up to her. Dying couldn't be easy. It wasn't like the last time when her soulmate knew she would return. This time the warrior princess had stopped fighting. And it was so unlike her.
"I don't want to stay here too long." Gabrielle decided to bridge the silence between them. "What I'd really like to do is see Cyrene. If she's heard what happened, it would be best to let her know in person you are alive. At the very least send word to her and Hercules. I met up with Iolaus. He helped me protect your body before I met up with the amazons."
The warrior princess nearly laughed as Gabrielle seemed unable to stop speaking. Xena knew it was to cover the silence. It reminded her of when they had first began traveling together. Her bard had hated silence and the warrior princess had had trouble being talkative at all.
"Good old Iolaus." Xena snaked her arm around her bard. "And we definitely have to tell mother. She's finally accepted me as her daughter again. I don't want to worry her more than she already is."
Gabrielle snuggled up closer to her soulmate. "I hope nothing happens for a bit and we can make the trip to Amphipolis. I didn't get to look around much the last time we were there."
It didn't have to be said that Gabrielle was recovering and weak the last time they were in Amphipolis. Or the reason she had been so weak and needed to recover.
They now both had terrified one another. Both had had to fight to return to the other. It was a bit more complex of a journey for Xena, but it didn't matter. The soulmates had fought to be together and had won.
"I'd love to go back. I miss Amphipolis." Xena squeezed her bard as the unthinkable happened. The warrior princess yawned. Even going days without sleep rarely caused Xena to yawn.
As soon as Gabrielle witnessed the yawn, she was standing. "Up." She waited to see if Xena would do as she asked. Thankfully, the warrior princess didn't argue. She knew it was bad when her soulmate didn't fight her.
Gabrielle seated Xena on the large bed. She helped remove her armor, leathers and boots. While seeing her soulmate's naked flesh always affected the bard, she concentrated on comforting her.
A soft night gown was placed upon the warrior princess. "Lay down. I'll join you in a moment." Xena's eyes never left Gabrielle's body. She greedily drank the milky white skin.
As soon as both were in shape to make love, they would. But tonight it was about snuggling. Gabrielle joined her soulmate in bed wearing her own soft nightgown.
It was their usual position. Xena was on her back. Gabrielle was half on her soulmate. The most important thing for the bard was hearing the strong heartbeat beneath her head.
Gabrielle hadn't realized just how much she had missed hearing that strong heart. In fact, the tears began. She didn't sob uncontrollably, but she cried.
Xena held her soulmate close to her. She herself was near tears. She had nearly given this up. The closeness she had never found with another soul. They were reunited. And they would remain so. No matter what lay ahead of them.