Shredder's breath was hot against Leon's face, making him cringe back to the best of his ability. Sweat trickled down from his face, and he didn't know if it was from the warmth of the air against him, or from the exertion that tonight had brought. It didn't really matter, anyway, because once again, Leon was caught.
And like Shredder had been underneath Big Mama's control, Leo was ensnared, like a fly in a web.
Despite his best efforts, despite only running and trying to avoid fighting, Leon found himself caught all too soon. At one point, he had tried to escape by throwing his swords as far as he could and teleporting to them after each throw, trying to use the bursts to carry himself further and further away. And yet, Shredder was always only a few steps behind him. If Leonardo didn't know better, he almost would think that Shredder had been teleporting after him.
Leon had dared look over his shoulder to check how far he had gotten from Shredder, only to discover the beast reaching for him, and his hesitation had been enough for Shredder to snag him by his mask tails and drag him backwards.
And then… Well, Leon had managed to teleport after that, too, and Shredder had clued in once again on how to deal with Leon, starting once more to target his swords rather than the turtle himself. Now, Leon was katana-less and well…
Not defenseless. At first, he was.
When his katanas went, his only option was to hope he woke up before the final blow came.
But this time, the third night Leon had to deal with this, after the full reality that this wasn't going to be something that just went away, and that he was absolutely stuck with Shredder simply because he was leader, Leon came prepared. The second night Leon had managed to evade completely until he woke up, but this time… this time he knew he'd be too slow.
So this time, Leon had slept with extra weapons and ninja-y tools packed on him. Some of them he didn't have permission to even use from Donnie, but hey, if he was Raph, he'd be allowed to use them, and now he was leader, so why the heck not? If it meant he could survive the nights, he'd abuse that privilege.
Leon cracked one of the smoke bombs against his leg with his free arm while Shredder ranted above, claws sinking deeply into his throat. He felt the powder begin to dust his fingers, and lurched his arm upwards. A cloud of thick blinding power shot from his fist, seeping through Shredder's eye holes. The beast lurched backwards with a howl, clawing at his mask and eyes, sharp fingernails digging through the intertwined metal to scratch his face, and…
Wow, geez, now, that looked painful.
"Ha!" Leon gloated before he could stop himself, backflipping his way back to his feet and striking a dab. "How do you like that, Grampsaki? A taste of your own medicine!"
"Stop calling me-" Shredder growled, flailing out his claws and trying to snag Leon in his grip. However, since he was still trying to see past his misty eyes, Leon easily sidestepped, tossing Shredder a cheerful wave as he pivoted on his heel and ran.
Shredder roared somewhere behind him, clearly knowing Leon had gone but not knowing where, but Leon didn't dare look back to confirm Shredder's distraction. It always resulted in him nearing at unbelievable speeds, giving him the upper hand and without Leon's swords, he couldn't teleport away at all. He really had to figure out a way to stop them from shattering, especially since, after the second night, Leon had taken a closer look at his swords during the day, and…
There were hairline cracks criss-crossing over them.
It was terrifying to notice, to know that his sword was affected, too. Because though his swords were made from his soul, and were an extension of himself, just like any other good weapon, they also were pieces of his ancestors. He was only able to craft it through his connection to them, and to lose his sword was like losing them.
If only they could help him with Shredd…
Oh.
Oh!
That was it; something Raph had never had! A connection to the past, the opportunity to talk to Karai and her dependents, and ask for an explanation on… why Shredder was even here. Was his soul pulled apart or separated? Perhaps a fraction of his spirit lived on through his dependents in the same way Hamato energy did.
Either way, Leon had an opportunity to ask, and… well, he hadn't tried talking to them since Shredder was defeated. The best he could do was try now.
Com'n, wake up, wake up, he couldn't meditate and try to connect like this, com'n, open your eyes, live, breath, open up, wake up, you can do it Leo, please- how did people usually get out of dreams-
Shredder slammed into his back, crushing him to the ground, claws digging into his neck and on top of his head. Leon's fingers curled against the ground, and he wailed, hands scaping uselessly against the gray, slipping so that he couldn't get a grip. "Stop! Just go away, I'm not trying to- just go! Please, please, just leave me alone…"
"You should've thought of that before you killed me!" Shredder snarled, and by twisting his head slightly Leon was able to see that he was still blinking, trying to get the last of the dust out of his eyes. "You deserve death and so much more, turtle!"
Leon hated this. Hated being trapped, hated not being able to move. Hated feeling claws dig into his skin, and feel the blood start to trickle form the puncture wounds, not able to even buckle against the weight.
He even finally had a plan, but he couldn't even wake up to implement it!
How… how did Raph do this for so long… Leon's nerves were on end even after three days, and he was already trapped, and… he was nothing like Raph! He couldn't keep doing this, and he could hardly breathe, and he just wanted to be able to move again, because… because…
But then again, he didn't have to move much, because… because people usually pinched themselves to wake up, didn't they? But this was much more intimate than a dream, and yet… yet maybe…!
"Pinch me." Leon teased hoarsely, squeezing his eyes shut and pressing his face back into the ground. His hand curled against the back of his other hand, and his fingernails grasped a section of skin, and-
A flicker of pain-
(:)
Leon's eyes fluttered open.
He sat up stiffly, lifting a hand instinctively to massage the back of his head. Sure enough, a sticky feeling tickled the back of his neck, and when he pulled his hand back, it looked like it was vaguely covered in red. What fun. He'd have to get that taken care of, soon. And probably restock his first aid kit by tomorrow night.
But first!
Leon shoved himself out of his bed, twirling a bit on his feet as he did in a fist pump in victory. He couldn't actually believe that worked! He had escaped Shredder by pinching himself! That didn't seem possible! Up until now, it was just running until he eventually woke up, and even though he had only fallen asleep twice since becoming leader, it had already become tiring.
And yet… yet he had woken himself up! All by himself! By pinching! That was good. Very good. He could escape. When he started dreaming, he could just wake himself up immediately, and… well, maybe he could figure out just how instantaneous his dreams were. If Shredder started plaguing him as soon as he fell asleep, or if he had a few hours.
It won't work forever. His mind hissed at him, always the voice of reason. It'll benefit you for now, but Shredder will not be defeated because of small tricks. He'll figure out how to get to you around it. He's better than you.
…well, Leon countered, yeah, but for now… for now it's good enough. Besides, it's not like I'm going to be alone in this forever. Gram-Gram can help. I know Gram-Gram can!
Leon took a couple deep breaths, forcing down his negative thoughts as best he could, and went to whip out the meditation rug that Splinter had given him. He had given each turtle one, after they met Gram-Gram and last defeated Shredder, but Leon hadn't really felt like, not to mention had a reason to, connect with his ancestors.
Leon sat cross-legged on the rug, inhaling a sharp breath and trying to focus. His ears rang a little louder, and his mind spat out doubts at him. It wouldn't be silent no matter how much Leon tried to make his mind void out.
This won't work. His mind moaned in anger, refusing to view the positive. You don't even know how to meditate!
Leon twisted his fingers together in annoyance, squeezing his eyes shut. Shut up. He scolded himself, hating how his head was starting to interfere with his heart, with what he always had believed before. I learn quickly. Besides… This works two ways, right? I'm reaching out for Karai, and… well, anata wa hitori janai. She'll reach back for me.
…right?
His mind fell silent with that, but his heart beat faster, twisting anxiously. Because what if she didn't want him? What if she didn't reach for him? He needed her to reach back, he needed her to, because… because…
Leon really couldn't do this alone.
She was supposed to help him beat Shredder. He had thought he'd be able to end this. For him. For Raph.
But… but what if Raph already tried?
Or what if he didn't but she would've helped him but she wouldn't have helped Leo because he wasn't worthy?! What if… what if Leon wasn't good enough?! She had never told Leo that he wasn't alone, she had only told Raph, and of course Mikey wasn't alone, everyone loved him too much, and Raph was always protecting Donnie, but…
But…
What was he doing?
What was he working so hard for? Karai wasn't here. She wasn't coming.
Of course she wasn't. Of course not.
Leon stood up, carefully, slowly, kicking the rug back underneath his bed. He stood still, hands curling by his sides, staring stubbornly at the corner of his room, feeling his fingernails dig into his palms. It wasn't fair. It just… it just wasn't.
Leon felt tears bead up in his eyes, and his face scrunched in a futile attempt to force them back. His hands reached out, grabbed the blankets on his bed, and… and…
Leon grabbed his quilt and ripped it from the mattress, throwing it carelessly backwards, not even blinking as it slapped into his shelves and knocked over multiple items. Maybe it made a noise. Maybe it was loud enough to wake up his brothers, but he didn't care! He just didn't!
Three days of this! Three! And the only thing he had was knowing that he could wake up! But it wasn't waking up that was the problem! The problem was Shredder, and that he'd never be able to sleep for long before Shredder… before Shredder attacked him.
And he had been the one to kill Gram-Gram, too. Putting her in Donnie's lab…
It was a death sentence. And he should've known.
Leon grabbed his pillow and shoved it against his mouth, and howled into the depths of the fabric, clawing at it frantically and imagining it was Shredder, and that he was doing damage and that he wasn't alone and that he could sleep and that…
He was so tired.
And Karai wasn't here, and Raph…
Raph hadn't even suggested a way for Leon to survive. He had just stared at him. He had only watched Leon and hadn't said anything that could help. And that stung! Leon had thought he was one of the little brothers that Raph would do anything to protect. But he wasn't.
He didn't know what was wrong with him. He just knew that there was something.
(:)
Leonardo was growing impatient.
He was trying to remain calm, especially since he knew how much Donatello was pushing himself to create the portal expander quickly, and it wasn't like the Utroms were going to just… reveal that knowledge to them. As far as they knew, entering a dimensional portal was dimensionally illegal. But, then again, it wasn't like they paid taxes. Their entire existence was probably illegal.
He didn't want to force Donatello to move quicker, especially since they had only been able to stop Donatello from overworking himself this last year, and Donatello was doing somewhat well with taking breaks and making sure to eat and sleep at moderately scheduled interludes. Donatello would stop taking recesses if Leonardo pushed the progress at all, and the young sensei cared more about his brothers then he did about the other dimensional turtles. It didn't matter if they were other versions of them, they still weren't as important as his family.
Leonardo was busy enough trying to keep Michelangelo's attention on the scrolls and keeping Casey from distracting Raphael with wacky hijinks.
"For the last time, Casey, please stop trying to drag Raph out of the dojo." Leonardo sighed deeply, scowling at him as he guided Casey from the room. MIchelangelo watched them go with a wave, which Casey absent-mindedly returned, and Raphael sat with his head in his hands, groaning in frustration. "Once we get back, you can do whatever it is you do when I'm not watching."
"Hey, you owe me!" Casey shook a fist, scowling at Leonardo. "I helped lug all those scrolls," he gestured to the corner of the room where a pile of scrolls lay, "in for you! Karai and Rpah didn't have to do nearly as many trips with me helpin'!"
"Oh, yes, but according to them, you dropped at least five scrolls while 'helping'. And damaged two beyond repair. So let's just hope those ones weren't important, hm?" Karai had told Leonardo the names of said scrolls, and Leonardo knew they didn't contain information that he couldn't learn from other scrolls, but he wasn't about to tell Casey that.
"Aw, come on! You've defeated Shred-Head before! This isn't any different!" Casey protested, grinding his heels even firmer into the ground and refusing to budge. His refusal went unheeded, as Leonardo just kept on pushing him.
"On the contrary, Jones, this is much different. It doesn't even affect us, it affects someone else entirely. And if you want your best friend back quicker, you'll let him do what he needs to!" Leonardo gave Casey one last firm shove, tossing him into the center of the living room.
"I just wanted to show him my new retainer…" Casey grumbled, shooting Leonardo a full-toothed grin accompanied by finger guns, his front two teeth no longer missing.
"...ah, yes, your new retainer. Which you've had for a month already. And that you've shown Raph countless times. That new retainer?" Leonardo summarized, recalling Raphael groaning about how enthusiastic Casey had been and how much he had shown it off even though Raphael had seen it far too many times for his own liking.
Casey looked rightly mortified, mouth falling into a gape. "You've noticed?!"
Leonardo rolled his eyes, shaking his head in exasperation as he crossed his arms. "I think I caught on sometime in the last month. You're not subtle, Casey, and you've shown us all your retainer at least three times each. I'm, unfortunately, neither blind or deaf."
Casey opened his mouth, seemed to think better of it, and closed it again, stubbornly glaring at the nearest throw pillow. "Fine. Tell Raph he's missing out on Goongala-ing with me. I'm going to go smash some street punks."
"Good plan. Knock out a few more of your teeth." Leonardo encouraged, turning away from the grumpy teenager to return to the dojo as Casey stomped off.
Leonardo paused halfway to the dojo, mentally reflecting on how much he had been reading lately, and how his eyes needed a break from staring at ancient Japanese symbols and scrolls. Surely Raphael and Michelangelo would be fine without adult supervision around priceless artifacts, right? They probably wouldn't burn them or challenge each other to eat them or something…
…yeah. It'd be fine.
Raphael was busy trying to meditate anyway, and Michelangelo was supposedly much too tired to try anything.
Leonardo could spare a break and check on Donatello's progress as quickly as possible without leaving the scrolls in danger
Leonardo slipped into Donatello's lab, casting one more look over his shoulder to make sure Casey was actually gone and wouldn't return in Leonardo's absence before he fully entered. Donatello was, predictably, hunched in front of his computer, typing a few lines of coding into his computer while also playing with a pencil in his other hand, not looking up when Leonardo entered but rose the pencil to wave cheerfully over his shoulder at his older brother.
"How's it going, Donnie?" Leonardo asked, leaning over Donatello's shoulder curiously. The lines of code on Donatello's computer were overwhelming, and Leonardo couldn't pick out any pattern between the numbers. Donatello probably could read it easily, or at least translate a basis for it. His little brother was a genius, after all, and knew how to do all sorts of things that Leonardo couldn't. It was truly impressive.
"It's going well! I'm making faster progress than I thought I would!" Donatello enthused, doing a small fist pump as he kicked away from Leonardo to head over to his other computer, typing a hurried note down on the computer then spinning around to come back over to the central computer he and Leonardo had been looking at. "I know it's not as fast as any of us would like," he apologized, "but realistically something like this could take multiple weeks. Maybe even a month. I should have it done in the next day or so."
He gave Leonardo an excited grin, gesturing to a metal box on the other side of the room, looking almost like a projector. "That's the physical project. Once I finish the code, I can input it there. I should be able to duplicate the device, too, so there can be a portal-expander on this end and the other side. So April or the others can reach us if need be, and we can, obviously, get back easily."
"Won't that take longer?" Leonardo asked, narrowing his eyes at the device suspiciously.
"Not too much longer." Donatello reassured. "The hardest process is creating the original process. I can replicate everything in about an hour. Lots of copy and paste, and simply rebuilding the device. And if it does extend and go longer than that, April has my notes. She can piece everything together." Donatello winced. "I wish we still had the Kraang Dimensional Portal. I could reverse engineer that and rewire it."
"The Kraang are still in our dimension." Leonardo remembered, brow furrowing. "They're mostly hidden and can't freely go back and forth between here and Dimension X… but they still are around. Remember the Triceratons? Raph's buddy was hunting them."
"Shoot." Donatello recalled, burrowing one hand against his head. "They haven't made any moves yet, but you're right. Maybe if I send one of you out to go find a Kraang base… nono, finding one would take too long, and reverse engineering would only have been useful for the start of this process. I can now finish my own faster than I can copy the functions of a previously built one."
"Sounds good." Leonardo looked from the screening of codes to the partially crafted device. "Thanks for devoting so much time to this, Donnie. It means a lot that you are. You're doing great!"
"Thanks, Leo." Donatello grinned, but his lighthearted expression quickly fell and he glanced over to the open doorway, out to the living room. "Hey, how's the research going? And… Raph?"
"Research is… going." Leonardo sighed, rubbing the bridge of his nose. "Most of it is just generalized, and we don't know how to apply the information or how it'll be useful until we have more details. Raph's doing pretty well, but… spiritual stuff is not his strong suit. Mikey at least moderately listened to Splinter's lessons, but Raph… didn't. We're starting at the beginning for him."
"Raph's bad at learning a lot of things." Donatello huffed, rolling his eyes fondly at the thought of their middle brother. "But, he's got a good source of motivation. That'll probably help his progress."
Leonardo's chest stirred warmly at the thought, and he beamed down at Donatello. "Yeah… Raphael's a good brother."
"He'll do anything to protect you and Mikey." Donatello agreed, returning to the computer, though his fingers hesitated over the keys. "Even if it means doing something he's not used to at all, like, say, honing spiritual abilities."
"I think he'd feel useless otherwise." Leonardo admitted quietly, hating to say it but knowing it was partly true. It had only been over this last year that the brothers had gotten together and truly discussed their inner thoughts and issues. Their struggles and even moral codes had been brought to the light, and there had been a great struggle between them for a few weeks, but now…
It felt strange, knowing they had lived together for twenty years and hadn't truly known what went on in the far corners of their minds. Michelangelo had always felt discarded, Raphael had always felt weak if he couldn't do something to protect his brothers, Donatello harbored insecurities about not being human and forever cursed to never be recognized, and Leonardo was always wrestling with his perfectionist mindset and crippling self-worth issues.
It had been a long conversation, and more than a few things had been thrown at each other in exasperation and anger. Talking it through didn't make any of their issues go away, but it did make them easier to handle. At very least, now that they were aware of each other's struggles, they could each do their part to make sure they didn't add to the problems.
Donatello glanced up at Leonardo, sighing deeply as he rubbed a sleep crusty from his eyes, flicking it to the floor and out of sight. "Eh, Raph'll figure something else out if this bombs. Who knows, maybe the villains in this dimension will also be pansies. I think Raph will enjoy beating them up and putting them into place for our supposed counterparts."
Leonardo laughed at that, covering his eyes at the mental image of Raph kicking around a tiny Shredder and using Kraang like nunchucks. "Well! As long as he's keeping busy, I'm sure he'll have a blast!"
Donatello nodded enthusiastically, his fingers finally falling on the keys and starting to type once more. "Speaking of keeping busy…"
"I'll get out of your shell." Leonardo promised, holding up his hands placidly, and glancing at the clock. "I have to get back to the dojo before Mikey and Raph decide to use the scrolls as paper airplanes."
"I hate the fact that they would do that." Donatello groaned, waving Leonardo off. "Don't let them get too cooped up. I think I saw Casey snooping around earlier; Raph could probably use a break and could go smash some skulls with him."
Leonardo facepalmed.
(:)
The fourth night, Leon adamantly refused to sleep. It wasn't worth it, to sleep only to be chased. He'd start with the pinching thing the following night, but not now. Not when there were too many rampaging thoughts in his mind, pressing against each other, snarling at him for how badly he was failing as a leader and as a brother, and how ashamed Gram-Gram was to be related to him. Why else wouldn't she reach back?
Splinter hadn't even checked up on Leon since listing him as leader. He had vanished into his room, leaving his sons behind to try and pick up the pieces. And, yeah, defeating Shredder had taken a lot out of them all, Splinter especially, due to his near death-experience, but it…
Leon still wished their father could stand to check up on them. Maybe show up at the breakfast table once in a while to starve off the awkward silence that was festering between brothers. Leon couldn't stand the way they looked at him, their expressions full of concern that could've all been avoided if Raph had just… talked to him!
It didn't matter now. It couldn't matter. Leon was figuring out how to evade Shredder all on his own, and he didn't need Raph lying to him, or Splinter avoiding him, or Donnie and Mikey looking between him and Raph like they weren't sure if they could speak or not. Raph had tried reaching for Leon once, but Leon had flinched away so violently that none of his brothers had made any attempt to touch him since.
It wasn't exactly what Leon wanted, but it worked. The less he was touched, the less likely it was that they'd discover the claw marks at the back of his neck, or the hairline fracture on his shell, or the jagged slash on his arm. Besides, there was something weird in his mind that told him that they were going to attack him whenever they reached for him, something that displayed vivid pictures of Shredder slashing at him whenever his brothers got too close.
He wasn't fine, and he was so tired, but he had to do this. Maybe he could get away with sleeping every other night, and pinching himself awake whenever he started to dream of Shredder. It would limit his sleep significantly, that was for sure, but it was all he had. He couldn't keep bleeding out while he slept, unable to tend to his own wounds, and one day his brothers would realize he was washing his comforter every morning.
But, judging by the atmosphere at the kitchen table when Leon walked in, after his long, sleepless night of restless tossing and turning, they had noticed something. Leon hated to imagine what it was; he was so sure he had kept his crying down to a minimum, and he never removed his mask in front of them anymore, hoping his eye bags would remain hidden.
But there his brothers sat, perched around the table. Mikey and Donnie sat on the long side furthest from the door, and Raph sat on the long side closest to the door, Leon's empty chair at the head of the table between both groups. They were all looking expectantly towards him in the doorway, waiting for him to enter or make the first move.
"…I don't suppose it's too much to ask that we don't have this conversation?" Leon asked, offering his best smile, though he knew it fell flat in the face of the tension in the room an the general tiredness that yanked at his features. He, quite frankly, had no clue what was going on, but he knew it was serious, and he wasn't in the proper mindset to deal with it. "Let's just… raincheck? For a week? A few weeks? A year?" Leon nodded before his brothers could react, spinning on his heel. "A year sounds great to me, too! See you then!"
"Leo, you can't keep trying to avoid us." Raph huffed, his tone calm but stern, projecting every single ounce of his big brother energy (trademarked pending) into his voice.
"Avoid? I'm not avoiding anything, I just don't feel like talking." Leon fired right back, pivoting around to face them again, crossing his arms over his chest. "Let's just hold off on… whatever this is for a while, 'kay?"
"Nardo, sit down." Donnie commanded, folding his fingers together and pressing his chin and cheekbones against it. "It is imperative that we have this conversation now."
"Seriously?" Leon groaned long and hard, in turn firing off all his nasty little brother energy as he could. This included an impatient foot stamp, and big, cute eyes that made Raph falter.
"Leooooo…" Mikey whined, slapping his hands against the table. "I promise this isn't bad! No Dr. Delicate Touch, I swear! Only Dr. Feelings, okay?"
That wasn't any better, it actually might've been worse, but Leon couldn't resist Mikey's puppy dog eyes any more than Raph could resist Leon's. As Leon took a step forward, defeated, his mind buckled in his mind, whispering about trap, don't trust Mikey, he's just trying to lure you in, but Leon threw off the thoughts, pulling out his chair.
However, as Raph turned away, the foreboding feeling in Leon's chest expanded, and he shook, inhaling a sharp breath and trying to focus on the table in front of him. It was fine. He hadn't had a full night's sleep in over five days, and he hadn't even slept the previous night, but that didn't matter.
He was here now, and he was trapped. Trapped. Trapped. Trapped.
Trap.