It was odd how long jealously ran during our relationship. For me, even making love and knowing how much Xena loved me, I sometimes forgot when it was part of the plan to help in the fight for the greater good.
I'm ashamed to say that I can still become jealous. I mean, look at my warrior princess. She's practically a goddess on the known world. And yes, azure eyes roll as I write the last part of the statement.
This is Xena. My little bard forgets just how jealous I could become. Not of Joxer, may he enjoy The Elysian Fields. But of men and women who just seemed to navigated toward Gabrielle over the seasons.
Gabrielle is often too hard upon herself when it comes to her jealousy. There's one episode that haunts her. And I know that we both regret a great deal the jealousy we felt caused us to travel down paths we wished we hadn't. But as my wise wife would say, we wouldn't be the people we are without having traveled those paths.
I know have the quill back in my capable bard hands. Xena winks at me as she makes certain her quiver is full and her bow is properly strung. The cupboards a tad bare after The Solstice celebration and the colder weather is upon us. She'll hunt all day and we'll cure whatever she brings home for the winter.
One more wink and look that cause me to swallow. I know what I'm in for when she returns and I know just how lucky a bard I'll be. It takes a moment for me to be able to return my thoughts to the scroll at hand.
And that is jealousy. I don't even know why I was so jealous. We had just reaffirmed our love for one another. Xena had risked being blind so that she could rescue me.
Yet, I was consumed with jealousy. From nearly the moment Ulysses and Xena fought side by side, I was jealous. They seemed to have an instant connection. And it grew as we sailed toward Ithaca.
Youth. I could blame it upon that. Or maybe Poseidon had something to do with it. If you know anything of our tales, you know how the gods loved to meddle in mortals' lives, particularly in Xena's.
Whatever the reason, I was jealous. And I had to apologize over and over again. Until I annoyed Xena like I did when we first were traveling together.
Everything worked out. But I still wonder if we hadn't learned to curb our jealousy over the years, we might not have traveled the paths we had.
()()()()()()()()()()()()()
After not being able to see, Gabrielle wanted Xena to stop and smell the flowers. She wanted her soulmate to enjoy the beach. And she wanted her to enjoy the outdoors in general.
Though frustrating, Gabrielle knew that Xena would never admit that she was surrounded by beauty. To admit that the sea was actually calming. That the seagulls were a part of nature and were a comfort knowing they were there.
Nope. Xena would say that there were no flowers to enjoy. That to her there was no calming sounds of the sea. In fact, she'd rather be on dry land. And the natural sounds of the seagulls were nothing but an annoyance.
The frustration of Xena's practicality was nearly overwhelming Gabrielle. And when she asked what the sound of the sea caused her soulmate to feel had the warrior princess drawing her sword, she felt Xena was a lost cause.
As usual, Xena's senses were more attuned than Gabrielle's long before the bard heard them, the sounds of fighting became clear and she was trailing after the warrior princess.
Not immediately offering assistance had Gabrielle wondering. Three on one weren't the worst of odds, true, but normally Xena insisted on being closer to the action.
Grating was one way to say how Xena was acting. Gabrielle knew Xena hated to speak of feelings or think about things that were beyond what could be seen. Watching as her warrior princess admired the stranger's technique was causing feelings of inadequacy in the young bard.
Those feelings had to be shoved to the side as suddenly the stranger was overwhelmed. Instincts took over as Gabrielle helped to defend the stranger. As was her habit, she made certain Xena was all right.
What Gabrielle witnessed had her stomach churning. Xena wasn't only holding her own. She was fighting alongside the stranger. They seemed to be reading one another's thoughts. Something tugged at the bard before she had to focus solely at the fight at hand.
Finally, the warriors were on the run. Gabrielle slowly approached Xena and the stranger. Not wanting to be impressed, she couldn't help but be when she realized he was Ulysses of Ithaca.
Pirates would lay ruin to a beautiful land such as Ithaca. Gabrielle knew they needed to help Ulysses reclaim his kingdom. She just didn't like the looks he was giving her warrior princess. She didn't like how well the two had fought together. And she didn't like how Xena seemed eager to sail.
Ulysses was right when he said the foe they would be going against would be a bit more formidable than most. As Poseidon said, Ares had a soft spot for Xena. This god had no such soft spot. In fact, he seemed to have a natural hate for her.
Gabrielle was quiet as she watched. Normally, she would be asking tons of questions. But she was too intent in watching the interaction between Xena and Ulysses.
The bard did attempt to interject here and there, just so Ulysses was certain he knew she was there. Gabrielle did not like how the man was looking at her soulmate. Not one bit.
In fact, Gabrielle couldn't help stating what a man Ulysses was. It was true, if the bard was honest with herself. After some of the men they had come across, he was a true hero. And he would make a grand leader to Ithaca.
The noncommittal reaction by Xena had Gabrielle concerned. Why was the bard feeling so disconnected to her warrior princess? Hadn't they spent so much time making love? They had not only spent the night in the hut, they had spent three whole days before wanderlust had overcome Xena.
And wanderlust had led to this. First, Gabrielle pretending to sleep so that she had to overhear Ulysses and Xena practically making out. That wasn't exactly fair, but close. And now it led to the bard being half naked and dancing rather badly wearing a wig.
Gabrielle was grateful once she noticed the appreciative look from Xena. It meant she could begin to knock the pervy pirates on their poop decks.
Once the long fight was over, there was one wounded. Gabrielle shook her head. Another man who assumed Xena couldn't take care of herself. When would men learn that not all women needed taking care of?
The bard watched with a great deal of interest the interaction between the two warriors. It was clear Xena and Ulysses had more in common than the warrior princess and Gabrielle did.
In fact, Gabrielle's stomach was beginning to feel queasy. There was a part of the bard that would love to see Ithaca. She would have a new place to regale tales about. But seeing how easily Ulysses and Xena interacted was causing her to become ill.
Or was it merely sea sicknesses? The way Gabrielle was feeling, she only half heard what Ulysses was saying. Or was she ignoring the man?
That was until Ulysses mentioned the Island of the Sirens. It was another of the mythical stories Gabrielle had heard about, but never thought she would see or experience for herself. She couldn't wait.
Yet, there was a very real problem. In the three-person crew, there was one of the male persuasion. Xena and Gabrielle would be immune to the sirens.
Was being cramped down below with Xena and Ulysses too much or was it the bobbing of the boat as Gabrielle had said? Whatever it was, the bard barely made it to the railing before her guts were being gifted to Poseidon.
The gentle touch upon her back could only belong to Xena. The smartass comments could only be her soulmate's. Gabrielle would remember this the next time Xena needed sympathy.
Rough seas ahead? Gabrielle swallowed as she felt the bile rising once again. Surely, Xena knew something that could take away her discomfort? Or at the very least, could knock her on her ass.
Babysitting Ulysses while he was tied up was not Gabrielle's idea of fun. She didn't want harm to come to any of them, but there was something about him she just didn't care for. Or was it his connection with Xena?
Just like that, Gabrielle knew why she didn't like Ulysses. She would remember that he was under the spell of The Sirens, but it still hurt a great deal. Or was it the bard's pride that had been harmed more?
Luckily for everyone, Xena provided her usual magic. This time, it was that voice of hers. Gabrielle loved to hear her soulmate sing. Too bad it was normally at the side of funeral pyres that she was gifted with the chance.
The pain distracted Gabrielle from the ache of her stomach. But it wasn't nearly enough to hide the ache of her soul as she listened to Ulysses and Xena converse. It was mostly Ulysses, but still.
Before Gabrielle was able to face her soulmate, she had to wash the evidence of tears from her face. The puffiness of her eyes could possibly be explained by how ill she had been. But the dried trails of tears could not so easily.
When finally Gabrielle arose from what she termed the brig, she had to admit she was feeling a little better. But then, the moment she began speaking of what she had overheard and Xena speaking of loving Ulysses, she wanted to hurl what little was in her stomach.
Had their lovemaking meant so little? Had their time meant so little? Then, something dawned on Gabrielle. Love could mean so many things.
There was the love one had for their parents. There was the love one had for their siblings. Why could Xena's love not be that of a brother for Ulysses? If Ulysses had fallen in romantic love for her soulmate, it would have to be dealt with.
And Gabrielle would have to deal with her jealousy. She would have to speak to Xena about it. Tell her how she had read into the relationship more than there was. And how embarrassed she was when she realized it.
For now, they had to help Ulysses reclaim his throne. Depending on who remained, it might not be that easy. If his wife truly were dead, who had been in charge during his absence?
The first man they saved was indeed an ally. But more so, it turned out that Ulysses' wife was alive. Leave it to one of the gods to lie to attempt to gain what they wanted. Gabrielle should know with how many times Ares had interfered, claiming never to have lied to Xena.
Gabrielle leaned on her staff as she listened. And watched. Ulysses was not happy that his wife was alive. Yet, he would do what was required to regain his leadership of Ithaca. Xena appeared neutral.
Even after all this time, Gabrielle had trouble reading her soulmate. They were silent up until they were beneath the castle. The bard was sent to retrieve the robes. It left Xena and Ulysses alone.
When Gabrielle returned, she overheard the end of the conversation. Apparently Ulysses' feelings for her soulmate went beyond sibling. Once again, the bard felt queasy. But there was something more important than her own emotions to focus upon. She had Ithaca to save. And she didn't want to think about it being the three of them traveling together.
The robes hid them all easily. Gabrielle watched intently as the pirates attempted to string the bow. It was an amazing bow and would be interesting to describe when she was finally able to put into words this tale. If she was ever ready to.
Once Ulysses had strung the bow, it was time to fight. Once again, it kept Gabrielle from thinking about how the king of Ithaca had come to love her soulmate. She only hoped her instincts from earlier were true. That this was one-sided.
Xena was calling to her before Ulysses could realize they were gone. It was a whirlwind of activity as the warrior princess recruited a new crew, as well as some cargo. After all, they could use a little cargo to help with some dinars.
Remaining in the background as her sea sickness was reemerging with a vengeance, Gabrielle watched as Xena barked orders. It didn't matter whether her soulmate was on land or sea, she was a natural born leader.
When Ulysses arrived, Gabrielle slowly eased closer. She wasn't certain if Xena would need comfort or not. But she wanted to be there in case Ulysses gave her soulmate a difficult time.
The bard couldn't help but smile as Xena made it sound like she had been in love with Ulysses as well, but that she wouldn't come between husband and wife. That she wouldn't take away the king Ithaca needed so badly.
There was one thing Gabrielle agreed with. She would keep the secret that Ulysses had strung the bow. After all, there are some legends that need to be kept. If only so others won't attempt to steal them away.
One thing, before Gabrielle was having yet another incredible hangover, was how warmed over she felt when Xena said she was grateful she had helped someone she cared for become happy. Of course, once they were back on dry land, they were to have a serious discussion about this. Maybe even several.
()()()()()()()()()()()()()
It took everything for Xena not to roll her eyes. Gabrielle was on one of her tangents. How she wanted the warrior princess to see more than the world around her.
For the warrior princess, her skills were honed to see the dangers around them. For Xena, everything was about keeping Gabrielle safe. To make certain they could see another sunrise.
Smelling a flower or listening to the sea or the seagulls was not in the warrior's repertoire. Still, for her soulmate, Xena would attempt to listen to the sea. She would attempt to allow it to cause her to feel.
When Xena spotted the fighters, three on one wasn't the worst of odds. Especially as she continued to watch the man. He was definitely an experienced fighter. She admired his technique. As long as he continued to hold his own, they would watch.
When Gabrielle suggested they come to his aid, Xena had to be a smartass. She had to say she was doing as her smartass suggested. She was taking a moment to smell the flowers and to enjoy the day.
That was until many more warriors were suddenly joining the fray. Xena was on her feet in an instant. Without looking back, she knew Gabrielle was not far behind.
It was an interesting battle as the stranger and Xena seemed to have this instinct about fighting. After introductions were hastily made, they swung into action.
The battle had Xena's juices flowing. She loved a good fight. But had it been for the right reasons? As Ulysses explained about his kingdom and the beautiful island of Ithaca, the warrior princess knew what they would do.
Their lord was much more formidable? Xena wondered who it could be. Poseidon? The warrior princess nearly wanted to chuckle. Obviously Ulysses had never heard her tales or how she had tangled with Ares.
Poseidon made it crystal clear that he would not be as easy on Xena, or anyone who sailed with her, should she choose to help Ulysses in his effort to return to Ithaca.
In a way, Xena had to admit she was impressed that Ulysses had blinded a cyclops. That wasn't an easy feat. It was something the warriors had in common. What more did they have in common?
After she and Ulysses had not given into Poseidon's threats, it was a matter of making their way to Ulysses' ship. They would have to camp. One thing Xena was missing in all this was Gabrielle's constant companionship.
Xena was grateful they could put behind them any hard feelings as they had technically fought on opposite sides of the Trojan war. It was a bloody war that had needed ending. Now, they needed to end the suffering that was taking place in Ithaca.
The warrior princess couldn't help smirking to herself. She could have halted Ulysses' progress at any time, but wanted to see how close he would allow himself to come before becoming cocky.
Gabrielle was never in danger. It was the last thing Xena would always make certain of. Her soulmate would never be in danger as long the warrior princess was alive.
A ship swarming with pirates. Yup, that would be a piece of cake. And yup, dawn would be the best time. An idea was already forming, as always. Xena only hoped that her bard would be up to the task. Not up to the task so much as willing.
When Xena apologized for Ulysses loss, she was sincere. She was remembering what it felt like when she had nearly lost Gabrielle. Her bard had performed the miracle in returning to her. She was the one who had wanted to keep traveling together.
If Gabrielle had taught Xena anything, there was love to be found. While soulmates were a one in a million, love could be found. If it wasn't for her bard, the warrior princess would not be able to sincerely say Ulysses could find love again.
While there were many ways Xena loved to watch her bard, she had to admit she loved it when Gabrielle was outside of her zone. Her bard wasn't the little farm girl she had met. Yet, she wasn't this sexy dancer, either. Yet, she was sexy every second of every day to the warrior princess.
As Xena watched as her very mature, very sexy soulmate transformed into quite the seductress, it froze the warrior, yet caused her heart to race. For a moment, the warrior princess couldn't help herself and she admired the moves her bard was using to entice the pirates.
Before long, Xena's warrior juices were stirred. It was time for fighting and not for loving. It wasn't long before the pirates were taken care of. But not before a male, once again, attempted to save the warrior princess when there was no need.
Now, Ulysses' shoulder would take quite some time to heal. It would make sailing to Ithaca a tad more challenging. It meant Xena would have to practically sail the ship on her own. Luckily, it wasn't the first time.
Ulysses would heal. But there was one thing Xena was beginning to sense about the man. He was admiring her and it wasn't just for her many skills.
Weapons. It was a rather safe topic, Xena hoped. The chakram was her unique weapon indeed. She was intrigued about a bow? Only Ulysses could string it? She would indeed like to see it for herself one day.
And there it was. Gentle touch. Many skills. For once, Xena knew she wasn't missing how someone they had met was under the warriorhaze as Gabrielle referred to it. Depending on the person, it could be quite dangerous.
In Ulysses' case, it was quite dangers as he considered himself a widow. Xena would have to make certain he knew, soon, that she wasn't to replace his wife, any time soon.
It didn't take much convincing for Ulysses to agree to allow Xena and Gabrielle to help him sail to Ithaca. The only reason the warrior princess wouldn't want to, other than having to fight off unwanted advances, would be the fact Gabrielle was appearing a little green around the edges.
On the map, Ithaca looked amazing. But it was several days journey. Xena knew that Poseidon would hit them with everything he had. Her poor soulmate was going to be suffering, more than she already was.
The Sirens. Xena hadn't thought of the danger. Of course, she didn't have to worry about such things. It would be easy to tie up Ulysses. Of course, he noticed she wasn't a man. This attraction was starting to bloom out of control.
When Gabrielle mentioned fresh air making her feel better, Xena knew her soulmate was in for a long voyage. There was a part of her that wanted to reveal a little trick she knew so that her bard wouldn't have to suffer. But there were side-affects.
Instead, Xena decided to use humor. She hoped the humor would distract, if only temporarily, from the gut-wrenching Gabrielle was suffering from.
When the humor wasn't enough, Xena placed a gentle hand upon Gabrielle's back. Their eyes met. When her bard teased back about knocking her unconscious, she knew. Their connection was as strong as ever.
Reluctantly, Xena had to turn her attention upon Ulysses. Tying him up was not one of her games. Tartarus, she wouldn't even want to play bondage with Gabrielle. While there was something the old warrior princess might want, she could never do that, unless it was something her bard wanted.
As it turned out, tying up Ulysses didn't work out all that well. The idiot had succumbed to The Sirens. It took Xena singing to block out their call. She hated singing, unless it was for someone she truly loved or to send someone to the afterlife.
Xena was not happy. There was a part of her that had known it was a possibility that Ulysses would escape. But to have harmed Gabrielle in the process was not part of the possibility. Of course, her sweet soulmate was taking it all in stride.
After making certain Gabrielle was settled as well as she could be, Xena decided to check on Ulysses. After all, he had his own wound. And his ego might have been harmed by falling prey to The Sirens.
Cooking was not one of her many skills. It was one of the many reasons Xena was grateful Gabrielle had decided to follow her wherever she had traveled.
Quite the declaration by Ulysses. Xena was right when she sensed that he was falling in love with her. But was he falling in love with her or was he trying to fight the grief of just so recently having discovered his wife was dead.
Found his soulmate? Xena, for once, couldn't predict what was happening. The kiss was…It reminded her a little of what she had shared with Marcus. It was nice. But it was nothing like what she shared with her true soulmate. The one that gave her a reason for living.
Remain in Ithaca? It wouldn't be only Xena's choice. And it wouldn't be as Ulysses' anything. The warrior princess was beginning to realize something. Hiding their relationship from everyone to minimize Gabrielle being a target left them open for others to attempt relationships with them. Double edged swords, which normally Xena loved.
The light of day. Fresh air. Unfortunately, Xena's soulmate wasn't feeling any better. In fact, she was becoming accustomed to being miserable.
Misery was partly because of overhearing Ulysses' declaration and the kiss. Xena sighed inwardly. There would have to be one Hades of a talk to talk when this was all over.
Xena quipped about Gabrielle needing to sleep sounder. But really, they needed to talk. While it was true that without her bard showing her how to love again, this was not that kind of love. This was the kind of love she felt for a family member. Surely her soulmate realized that.
Just as Xena was about to make certain that Gabrielle realized if they remained, it was to help Ulysses rebuild the island and nothing more, land had been spotted. The only reason the warrior princess was grateful was her bard could stop suffering.
It wasn't that long ago that Xena could remember her own journey home. Her memories weren't as joyful. In fact, they were right down painful and she was ashamed. It was causing her issues with focusing on all that Ulysses was so excited to relate.
Thankfully, but unfortunately for the man, Xena was distracted by a fight. The man was a friend of Ulysses. It would help as they were to take back his throne.
Xena watched closely as Ulysses discovered his wife was alive. She knew this would cause complications for Ulysses, but it would give the warrior princess the way out she had been seeking, without hurting him too harshly.
For now, those emotions would have to be placed behind them. Ithaca, and even more importantly Penelope, was in need of rescuing from pirates.
When they were finally alone, Xena knew exactly what Ulysses was going to say. She had to head him off at the pass. The best way to do it was to be blunt and to the point. It was the best way. Besides, Gabrielle was the best when it came to sensitive chats.
What if Ulysses discovered Xena had been harsh so that he could have a clear mind? Gabrielle was sweet. Yes, she loved Ulysses. But it was like she loved a warrior. Like a brother. And yes, they could do so much in the name in the greater good.
But that's not what Xena wanted. As soon as Ulysses was back in control of his kingdom, she and Gabrielle would sail back to the main land. They would continue their adventures together. That's what she truly wanted.
Xena watched as Ulysses struggled. She was afraid that his injured shoulder would hamper his ability to string the bow. It was easy to sneak under the table and help without anyone seeing. Once the bow was strung, the pirates began their attack.
Before the dust had even settled, Xena sought out her soulmate. She made certain Ulysses didn't see them. Instead, she led them directly back to the docks. It was easy to recruit a new crew and to obtain cargo that would more than pay for their passage. Ithaca truly was an island full of bounty.
Before Xena's order to set sail could be obeyed, Ulysses arrived. He wanted to go with her. He didn't love Penelope. What about her? What about his people?
Ulysses needed to remain. He needed to fulfill his duty. Plus, Penelope was a lovely young woman. He could learn to love her again. Besides, Xena didn't love him. She never did.
How did she feel? Xena wasn't feeling great. If only because she knew how difficult it was to hide one's feelings. How long did she hide her love for Gabrielle? Would her love ever have faded had she never expressed it?
Those were things Xena would not like to think about. Nor did she want the world to know she was the one that actually helped with stringing the bow. So when Gabrielle told this tale, she needed to keep that part to herself.
For now, it was time to journey back home. It was time to spend time with her soulmate. Xena needed to distance herself from Ulysses and some of the memories he brought back. And help her bard through the tortures of the seas.
()()()()()()()()()()()()()
After making certain the crew knew what they were doing, Xena went in search of her soulmate. She had a feeling she knew where Gabrielle would be.
"How are you feeling?" Xena cautiously made her way toward her miserable appearing soulmate. Without thought, she reached for a cloth, dipped it in cold water and wrung it out.
Gabrielle watched her soulmate's movements. "I've been better. Though the seas seem calmer this time. That or I'm a little more accustomed to sailing."
The bard sighed at the gentle touch. The cold cloth felt like heaven upon her forehead. She watched as Xena stripped herself of her weapons. With great care, Gabrielle felt loving arms wrap around her.
"You holding me helps me feel better." The squeeze was gentle, as was the kiss to the top of her head. "I want to apologize for being jealous for even a moment."
A dark eyebrow rose. Xena had thought she had sensed jealousy from her young lover. She couldn't blame her. While the warrior princess attempted to keep Ulysses at bay, he wouldn't take no for an answer. Not until the very end.
"We all are jealous, at times." Xena began massaging her soulmate's temples. "Ulysses gave you a great deal of reason, especially when he was told his wife was dead."
Gabrielle was quiet for several moments. Partly it was because the massage was relaxing her. Partly it was because she hated to admit she had misread some of what was said and done by both.
"I hate to admit it, but it wasn't only what Ulysses said and did." Gabrielle sighed as the hands stilled momentarily. They slid to her shoulders before continuing. "I realize it was silly of me. But I just…"
Xena moved slowly, but she made it so they were looking into one another's eyes. "Do you know how jealous I've been during our travels, even when I've known we love one another? It's not about trust. It's about the fear of losing the greatest thing that has happened to each other."
As Xena's hands moved to her temples once again, Gabrielle fought hard to remain awake. "I understand. I trust you with my life, heart and soul. But it doesn't mean someone won't take a no. Like the kiss."
"Like the kiss." Xena kissed the top of Gabrielle's head tenderly once again. The body she was holding was becoming heavy. She knew sleep would soon overtake her bard. "Sleep now. We'll have time, with having a crew to help, to share kisses. If not more. I love you, Gabrielle."
"I love you, Xena." Gabrielle snuggled into the warmth that was her soulmate. She was amazed she could even think of sleeping while on a ship. But then, she was in the arms of the woman who was her savior.