One of our more unusual adventures was when I was in love with Joxer. Azure eyes roll at the notion. Much to Joxer's desperation, I never was in love with him. He was more like an annoying brother than anything else. To think I was in love with him…
I fear if it were ever true that I was, Xena would have been crushed. There is no rolling of azure eyes this time. We share a knowing glance. There is no need to mention a certain young farmer's name. We may have met with him as a soldier, he was nothing but a simple farmer.
I'll never forgive myself for what I did to my soulmate by marrying Perdicus. I still can't fully comprehend why I agreed to. But that is water under the bridge, though his memory and what it did to my and Xena's relationship is more like a raging river's devastation.
With what was so comical a moment in time for us has turned into dreaded memories. Ones that neither will allow to fully leave us. And ones that I fear I, in my mind, will never be able to fully make up to my soulmate.
Without warning, Xena has me swooped in and taken the quill from my hand. There is nothing to forgive. We both did/do stupid things for reasons neither can explain. I could always bring up an even more painful moment. One that I now refer to as a betrayal to my soulmate.
The quill is once again in my hand. I reread several times what Xena has written. Even with several conversations, we still have our own hauntings of that time. We still are haunted by other times as well.
Those will be discussed here, as all the adventures will. You'll learn more about our adventures. And more about two soulmates. Along the way, hopefully we'll do the same.
A little shorter intro to this addition. I think it's because I still can't face some of the past demons. Or only want to face them when their time comes. Forgive me. Here's a little something that will hopefully be a little lighter. And will make me take several baths. Forgive me Joxer.
COMEDY OF EROS
Hestian virgins. Gabrielle shook her head. She wasn't certain if they should be admired or pitied. After experiencing true love with her soulmate, she could never be chaste again. Though implied, it wouldn't be herself doing the touching.
While there was some truth to Xena's joke, Gabrielle knew it to be true. While her soulmate was one who loved the physical aspect of their relationship and not making love would be nearly impossible, the warrior princess hated answering to anyone. She was her own boss. The only one she truly took into consideration their feelings was the bard.
Gabrielle wondered if Xena realized that giving up falling in love referred to her soulmate. Had she been trapped in her marriage to Perdicus or was a part of the Hestian virgins, she would have given up the chance to realize fully her love for her soulmate.
Xena's biting comment about how love not always working out the way one expected informed the bard how much her soulmate remained hurting over the choices Gabrielle had made. The one, so far, that Gabrielle regretted the most.
Apparently, Xena wasn't over the past. It had been nearly a full season ago and still her soulmate was hurting. Gabrielle couldn't blame her. If the sword were on the other back, she would feel exactly the same.
The bard sighed as she had to agree with Xena. They were here to protect these women. But it wasn't for the reason the warrior princess implied. It was to protect them from a warlord. Any warlord. But especially Draco.
A special kind of warlord to go after Hestian virgins? It would be Draco that had the gall to go through with it. And enjoy going against Xena in the process.
Protecting the Hestian virgins became more complicated with the arrival of Joxer. Gabrielle could go for a lifetime without having anything to do with the wannabe warrior, especially with going after a warrior such as Draco. Whom Xena was kissing for some reason.
Gabrielle couldn't believe what she had seen and heard. Xena was promising Draco something she had sworn would only be between her and the bard. It was disturbing on so many levels. The only way she could respond when Joxer asked what she was doing was to say it was part of the plan. And pray to any gods who still favored her that it was the truth.
There was more flirting as Gabrielle watched in horror her soulmate fighting with Draco. Never before had she witnessed Xena fight like this. It was time the pair had a discussion. A deep discussion.
So much for conversation. Gabrielle watched as Xena attempted to punch the squash into next week. She didn't know which was worse. Knowing that her soulmate was 'hot' for Draco or the suggestion of a cold bath Joxer made.
Draco could change with Xena's help? Gabrielle couldn't even grasp what her soulmate was thinking. While it was true that the warrior princess had changed, the circumstances were different.
Xena had saved a baby from certain death. What would Draco be saving should he not kidnap the Hestian virgins? Yes, there was innocence. But there was a great difference between a woman's virtue and an infant.
There was nothing Joxer could do to convince Gabrielle that her soulmate wasn't out of her mind. While the plan was solid, following through with it and the warrior princess having feelings for Draco conflicted. Majorly.
Never once did Xena press an advantage while fighting Draco. Get in get the girls and beat the tar out of Draco was more the warrior princess' style. Gabrielle was beyond worried.
As usual, Joxer's reassurances were not that helpful. Gabrielle wanted to go after Xena but knew that it wasn't the greatest idea. Xena needed to do this on her own.
It was a mistake as Gabrielle suddenly found herself tied to a post with Joxer. To make matters worse, the bumbling warrior was tightening the ropes. The only positive was that Joxer was gagged, not that he wasn't managing to speak anyways.
Just as Xena was coming to the rescue, as usual, some odd sensation washed over Gabrielle. the moment she saw Joxer, her heart started beating double time. She knew it was wrong. That what she was feeling should be reserved for Xena, but there was this overwhelming sensation she could not disobey.
Somehow, Joxer had talked Gabrielle into listening to that annoying song. The one that usual had the bard inwardly screaming. But with this new sensation came the need to hear the song repeatedly.
How had they wound up in such an intimate situation? Gabrielle found herself practically all over Joxer. She was hanging on every word. And she was insinuating they could be more than friends. In fact, had Joxer not asked for water, who knows what the bard would have done.
When Gabrielle made it to the creek, Xena was already soaking in it. The warrior princess was taking Joxer's advice. Of course she was. The bard was in love with Joxer.
The expression upon Xena's face was comical. Gabrielle felt both irritated and understanding. It was as if there were two parts of her warring. The one that was in love with Joxer seemed to be the dominate one, not the one that knew she was in love with and committed to Xena.
In the back of Gabrielle's mind, she realized that the things she was saying and feeling were hardly any different from the things Xena was saying and supposedly feeling. But she couldn't overpower whatever was controlling her.
Things hastily went south. Not only did Draco prove he wasn't changing, even for the love of a good woman, he confessed to be in love with Gabrielle. The bard couldn't be repulsed enough. Too bad it was more so because of her supposed feelings for Joxer and not Xena.
All Tartarus was breaking loose. There were Hestian virgins running everywhere, along with warriors. Everyone was shuttled inside, but one of the virgins lost a scroll. For some reason, Joxer went after the scroll. That same odd sensation forced Gabrielle to follow. It wasn't long before they were in Draco's camp.
No matter what Gabrielle attempted to do or say, she could not ward off Draco. In fact, it seemed to entice the warlord even more. Most definitely the cherries comment did. Ugh.
And there it was. The overwhelming need to make Joxer more than he was. Even though Gabrielle knew allowing Draco to know it was the bumbling warrior, she couldn't help bragging and therefore placing Joxer in danger.
Knowing it would be Xena that saved her, the irrational side was expecting Joxer. And the fact he'd leave without her couldn't be true. But a mission, the clouded mind could believe that in a heartbeat.
Instead of being reunited with Joxer, Gabrielle was forcing herself to endure the Amazon prince garb. While it was impressive appearing, it was not the most comfortable to wear.
After a short exchange, Gabrielle found herself herding a bunch of virgins. It would be easier to herd sheep. They wouldn't listen. And suddenly they were after the men who were after them.
Soon, Gabrielle found herself running from the unwanted attention of Draco. It was so surreal. Surely, something was behind this madness.
Just as Gabrielle finally found herself with Joxer, the fog lifted from the bard's mind. She couldn't fully fathom why she was holding hands with Joxer or he was saying a they were sharing a love so deep few knew it.
Gabrielle was even more confused when Draco finally found her. He too was in love with her, it seemed. It was all so confusing. At least some good came of it as the warlord promised to change to earn her love.
There was a touch of the romantic that Xena rarely showed. Normally, it was only in private that the warrior princess would say something as if love was worth the work. In front of Joxer, she would allow Xena to say that it was unique circumstances.
The bard had no idea that Joxer was actually anguished over the lack of reciprocal love. If Gabrielle had any inkling, she would fully understand. After all, how long had she longed to tell Xena she was in love with her? How long had she thought she would be shunned by the powerful warrior princess?
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Xena loved to tweak her soulmate. She figured that Gabrielle would think of being chaste instead of the damned annoying bell. It served to embarrass her bard and the warrior princess loved every second of it.
Give up the chance at love again? Xena cringed. If something ever happened to Gabrielle, she would never love again. In fact, she would probably die right along with her.
But she couldn't admit to that. Xena was, at times, romantic, she hid it well. Even from her soulmate. So she had to say how it didn't always turn out the way you want it.
Who was Xena to argue with Gabrielle that love was the most potent power in the world? It wasn't that long ago that love had propelled the warrior princess to the sky so that she could land upon the cursed ship belonging to Cecrops.
Instead, Xena had to bring things into focus. They were here to keep the virgins safe from Draco. After all, she knew Draco was reckless. He was fearless. And it would take a special person to fight him. But it wasn't Joxer.
Just as Draco appeared, Xena felt something wash over her. Her mind became unclear. And the revulsion she had experienced when first hearing Draco's voice turned to something she should only be felt for her soulmate. It was overwhelming and led to a kiss. Of the wrong person.
Xena inwardly was cringing at the words leaving her mouth and the actions she was taking. Did she really think a roll in the hay would entice Draco to forfeit such a profitable adventure as Hestian virgins?
Perhaps a little taste of what they could do, outside of the bedroll. Xena's head was spinning with all these unwanted sensations. Her emotions were not what they should be when it came to battling a foe. And her body, heart and soul belonged to her bard.
Flirting while fighting wasn't exactly foreign to Xena. It was however not how she normally chose to engage in her battles. Not since she had denounced anyone besides Gabrielle.
Talk? It was a moment before Xena was able to realize exactly who was speaking. They definitely needed to talk. But what would her befuddled mind come up with?
Instead of merely talking, Xena needed to work off the extra tension she had. It was one reason the warrior princess knew that something was befuddling her mind. Her body was worked up and it wasn't for her soulmate.
Weakness for bad boys? Where did that come from? While it was true in the past Xena had had her fair share of relationships with bad men, she was no longer attracted to them. She was only attracted to certain petite blonde bard.
Was it as simple as she made it sound to her soulmate? Could Xena really change Draco like she had been changed? There were some extreme differences. One, her transformation began with a single infant and continued when she found her soulmate.
It wasn't long and she was sitting in Draco's camp. Xena was attempting to convince the warlord that there were greater riches than gold, silver or dinars. But he wasn't buying what she was attempting to sell.
As it turned out, Draco wasn't buying what she was selling. Instead, he had Joxer and Gabrielle tied to a post. It seems he had suspected that Xena would come up with hiding the virgins, just not in plain sight.
Once again, Xena sensed something amiss. It happened just before she was able to free Gabrielle. Instead of seeing the warrior princess, the bard's eyes were treated to Joxer. Reluctantly, Xena left the unlikely pair alone while she decided to tend to Draco.
Massaging Draco hadn't exactly been the plan, yet it was the safest cure to Xena's unnatural attraction to the warlord. In fact, it was time to cool her overheated body and out of control libido.
What was Xena doing? She was uncharacteristically acting upon Joxer's advice. When Gabrielle replied that Joxer was full of good ideas, the warrior princess realized her bard was taken with the warrior wannabe. It was also unnatural.
Behind the fog, Xena knew that Gabrielle was correct. The bard being in love with Joxer was just as strange and unnatural as the warrior princess being in love with Draco no matter how much she attempted to justify it.
Draco wanted Gabrielle? Now things were out of control. Gabrielle was in love with Joxer. Draco was in love with Gabrielle. And Xena was in love with Draco. It was a hot mess that the warrior princess was beginning to piece together. There wasn't time for that. She had to save the virgins first.
After a fight, everyone managed entrance into the temple. The last virgin into the temple complained of losing her scroll. It would have to be retrieved later. They needed to fortify themselves.
As usual, it happened all at once. Joxer went after the scroll and was captured by one of Draco's men. Gabrielle, thinking she was in love with Joxer, attempted to save him only to be captured by Draco. It left Xena dodging arrows and wait until it was safe to save her friends.
First, Xena rescued Joxer. She knew that as long as Draco felt he was in love with Gabrielle the bard would be safe. The love thing was leading to one place. It was more childish than anything Aphrodite had ever dealt out. There was only one explanation. She sent Joxer on a mission after knocking out her 'sweetie'.
Next was to rescue Gabrielle. Xena had to dodge her bard's attempt at knocking out Draco. She also had to restrain her soulmate's attempt to chase after Joxer and console her when she learned he was gone without her.
Back at the temple, Xena had to attempt to talk Draco out of burning down the temple. It rang so true when the warlord inferred the warrior princess would be responsible for killing the woman she loved. If she allowed it, truer words would never have been spoken.
The plan was coming together nicely. Just as Xena had Draco convinced that, her surprise arrived. An even greater surprise was when Gabrielle emerged in her full Amazon gear. For a moment, it took the warrior princess' breath away.
Draco fell into Xena's trap. He had no way of knowing that Gabrielle was an Amazon princess. And even if he did, in his current state he would never allow anyone but himself to take possession of the bard.
More chaos of fighting ensued. The virgins were taken to a cave only to emerge shortly afterwards. It was a comedy of errors. It was difficult to keep track of who was who and where everyone was.
Attempting to convince Draco the feelings he was experiencing for Gabrielle were as unreal as the feelings she had for him was fruitless. Xena realized his mind wasn't as strong as hers. Or was it that she could normally see through the spells the gods or their offspring forced upon mortals.
Perhaps she could use Draco's unwillingness to see the truth to her advantage. Xena finally was able to convince him that one couldn't change the one they loved. They had to change for them.
Finally, Cupid showed his wings and the fact he would be embarrassed if word got out that he was unable to control his son. All that Xena asked was that the god undo all the mischief his son had achieved. Starting with the warrior princess and ending with the virgins. However, leave Draco in love. One could only hope the warlord would turn over a new leaf.
For once, Xena was sentimental or romantic within earshot of someone else. After all they had been through, it was definitely worth all the work, joy and pain of being in love. In fact, once they were alone, she wanted to show Gabrielle just how much.
Sadly, it was definitely not worth it for Joxer. Xena could feel her friend's pain when Gabrielle unwittingly belittled the love Joxer had for the bard. The warrior princess could understand on a level. How long had it been she maintained her love for her bard?
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It was a weary trio that sat around a campfire that evening. The virgins were safe and Draco was nowhere to be found. Running after the virgins, Draco and chasing unrequited love had exhausted them all.
"I don't think I ever want to be in love again." Joxer poked the fire with the long stick violently. While he would never fully escape his love for Gabrielle, he didn't want to look for another.
Gabrielle peered up from the scroll she was writing in. She had been attempting to put into words what they had experienced. She wasn't certain she would be capable of. In fact, she wasn't even certain what had happened, even with Xena explaining it.
"Joxer, give it time." Gabrielle didn't realize her words were harming more than they were helping. "Love unrequited is the most difficult thing to recover from. But in time, one can love again."
"How would you know!" Joxer tossed the stick into the fire and stormed off into the woods. He could barely think while he was so close to the object of his affections.
Xena sighed heavily. She placed a hand upon Gabrielle's shoulder as she turned to comfort their friend. "Allow me. I know you are the one for sensitive chats, but I think after what we experienced, he needs a bit of distance from you."
How was it Gabrielle was behind the pain Joxer was experiencing? She had assumed the love he felt toward her was like the love she had experienced for him or Draco for Gabrielle or Xena for Draco.
Perhaps Joxer was more sensitive than Gabrielle realized. Or perhaps this was one of those times for a warrior to warrior talk. "Do you think it's because deep down he thinks of himself as a warrior like you?"
It was an easy out. It was a way Xena could maintain Joxer's secret. That he was in love with Gabrielle and baby Bliss had nothing to do with the feelings he had had. For how long he'd experienced those feelings, Xena was uncertain.
"I think you hit the nail on the head." Xena squeezed the shoulder she hadn't realized her hand still rested upon. "You know better than most what it's like to deal with us tough warriors."
The attempt at humor had the effect Xena had wished for. Gabrielle smiled sadly at her before patting the hand upon her shoulder. "I'll have dinner ready when you two warriors come back from your macho talk."
Xena winked for leaving her soul behind. She slowly and noisily searched out Joxer. She cleared her throat before speaking. "She doesn't even realize."
Joxer's shoulders slumped. He'd known all along that someone like Gabrielle could never be in love with someone like him. "I know."
Cautiously, Xena settled on the fallen log Joxer had settled upon. They were on the bank of the river the warrior princess had fished not long ago. "It's not you. You have to remember it's not been that long in Gabrielle's mind that she was the reason her husband was killed."
Lies. Xena hated to lie to her friends. A lie to others so that she could fight for the greater good was nothing to the warrior princess. Especially if, in the long run, no one was harmed.
"I forget about Perdicus." Joxer picked up a pine cone and threw it with force into the river. "He was her beau from an early age. I guess it would take a bit to overcome his death. Especially when you blamed yourself."
Inwardly, Xena hated the fact she couldn't just come out and say she was in love with the bard and vice versa. Sadly, she could not trust Joxer to keep their secret. Gabrielle was enough of a target by the warrior princess' enemies just by merely being her traveling companion. Should they know they were committed for life, at least in their hearts and souls…
"Especially someone as sensitive as Gabrielle." Xena tentatively placed a hand on Joxer's shoulder. She gave it a gentle squeeze. "You were there when she wanted to kill Callisto. You know what it took for someone like her to contemplate vengeance. She's nothing like me in that regard."
Once again, Joxer threw a pine cone into the churning river. "I remember." Joxer shook his head in an attempt to clear his head and to shrug the pain of unrequited love. "I know how she feels. Had Draco harmed her…"
Xena sighed. She didn't even want to ever contemplate a life without Gabrielle or what she would do to the person who took the bard from her. "You wouldn't be alone."
Their eyes met. Joxer finally had that goofy smile upon his face. "You love her very much. Just like a sister. I know you'd want your own revenge."
Like a sister? It was a good thing Xena was schooled in maintaining a stoic façade. If not, she would be laughing at the man who was in a great deal of emotional pain. "Most definitely I would. Now, enough of revenge. Why don't we see what marvelous things Gabrielle was able to do with the fish I caught and the mushrooms you gathered?"
Joxer sighed. He would have to face Gabrielle sooner rather than later. At least Xena understood and could sympathize with him. And she could, hopefully, keep him from making a complete and total fool of himself.