TW: Implications of Suicide.

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-Two minutes ago-

Mikey's chains exploded, the wave of heat and shrapnel driving back the three oldest turtles. Leonardo's ears rung, his vision growing blurry even as he cast his arm up to block the shattered chains. The pieces of metal dug into his arms and legs, flashes of pain sprinkling across his body.

Mikey started to wail distantly behind him, but in the reflection of Leonardo's sword, he could see Raph yank him back and out of the blast radius. Leon stared at them in mutated horror, gripping the back of his hand but not yet pinching; he knew better. They were safe, heaved away from the shrapnel and the fire. Shredder couldn't reach them right now, but Mikey's weapon, his magic…

Leonardo couldn't worry about the kid right now. He could try to apologize later, but right now, Shredder was still rampant, and he was angry.

Raphael and Michelangelo were untangling themselves from each other and the ground - Shredder must've thrown them during Leonardo's distraction - the older turtle reaching down to grab Michelangelo's arm and hoist him to his feet.

The brothers exchanged a look, a sharp nod carrying out between them as they formed a plan.

Leonardo took a few steps back, slicing his sword through the air in a threatening arc, drawing Shredder's attention completely to him. He leveled his blade behind him, gesturing at Shredder challengingly. Shredder breathed out a snarl, locking his gaze with Leonardo and flexing his claws. Leonardo swallowed back his fear as Shredder brushed his foot backwards, using the momentum to shove himself at Leonardo.

Leonardo ducked out of the way just as Raphael hurled Michelangelo, the youngest brother snapping out his kusarigami blades and snagging them around Shredder's legs. Shredder startled, hissing out a breath as he twisted his full attention to Michelangelo, reaching to yank him off.

Raphael was upon Shredder in the next second, hooking his sais along the spikes jutting out of the demon's back. He shoved the balls of his feet against Shredder's spine, rotating his body as Shredder tried to grab him too. Raphael curled up so that Leonardo had a clear shot of Shredder's neck, and that the demon couldn't reach him.

Shredder's attention was split, his eyes narrowed into tiny splits as he struggled, trying to snag Raphael and kick Michelangelo off of him. In his attempts at freedom, he forgot to keep his attention pinned on Leonardo. Despite stumbling back and forth, Leonardo could tell exactly where he would step next. He held his sword carefully, daring to keep a single breath, before launching himself upward.

He felt himself linger in the air for only a second, and then he drove down at Shredder. He adjusted his sword, took a deep breath, already falling toward Shredder, and drove his sword into the demon's neck.

The air shifted.

Leonardo's vision fogged for a fraction of a second, his mind shifting just like it had on the night he first discovered that Shredder was still alive. And just like that night, he was seeing through Leon's eyes. He could see himself, but that was hardly any of Leonardo's concern. Instead, his attention was stolen by the screeching of Leon's neck, blood thudding and pounding-

It stole his breath away, and he choked on the blood, clogging his throat, and he could feel the sword being driven further and further in, and it was cutting, and it was cutting, and it was going to kill him, kill him-

And then Leonrado was back to himself. He released his sword, leaving it behind in Shredder's neck as he plummeted back to the ground. His legs hit the ground unsteadily, not prepared for the lack of weight his sword brought, and he tumbled into a roll, landing on his knees.

And Leon screamed.

Raph screamed Leon's name louder.

Leonardo twisted around, eyes widening as he watched Leon crumple to his knees, hands snapping up to his neck, and oh no, oh no, that was so much blood, that was so much-

Raphael shoved off of Shredder's back, and Michelangelo followed his example, rushing for Leonardo to yank him to his feet and pulling him away from Shredder's next charge. Leonardo hacked out a gasp, the memory of the pain ebbing away, but replaced by raw terror and confusion, fearful for Leon.

Raph was clinging onto Leon, shoving his hands over Leon's own hands and neck, eyeing his brothers with horrified eyes, saying something Leonardo couldn't hear. Leon was still breathing, eyes wide with fright as he stared at the ground, and that had to count for something.

Mikey gasped, hovering over both Raph and Leon, looking from the shaking Leon over to Leoanrdo, hands quivering and gesturing pleadingly at his gagging brother. Leon opened his mouth, thick red droplets dribbling down his chin, and Mikey twisted back towards him, hands grappling for Leon's chin and pulling it upwards, and that couldn't be healthy, that wouldn't help, but- but-

"Pinch!" Leonardo demanded, not knowing if Leon even had the chance to do so, "Pinch now!"

Raph tore his gaze up to face Leonardo in bewilderment, mouth opening to shout something back. However, before he could speak, Leon tore his hands away from Raph. Raph turned his attention fully back to his brother, shoving his hands fully against Leon's throat to try to stem the bleeding, screaming out his brother's name again, shaking and terrified.

Leon's fingers were slick with blood, but it didn't stop him from grabbing the back of his hand, squeezing hard-

(:)

Leonardo's eyes sprang open with a gasp, and he lunged to his feet, nearly colliding with Raph as they both scrambled for Leon. Leonardo scrambled backwards, allowing Raph to have a clear path first, but Donnie stopped them before they could come much closer, one of his metal arms held out behind him in a 'stop' gesture without even looking up from Leon.

"Stay. Back." Donnie growled, holding Leon's head still as he looked at his steadily bleeding neck.

"I can help!" Leonardo volunteered, lifting his hands, already receding the healing hands incantation in his head.

"Absolutely not!" His purple brother's counterpart snapped, his robotic arm straightening out even further. Leonardo took a few steps back to avoid it, gasping. "Stay away from him, and let me work!" Donnie turned back to Leon, who struggled weakly against his grip, even as he grabbed a blanket to pin against the bleeding wound and try to stop the bleeding. "Hold still, you dumb-dumb! Give me a minute." While he muttered, Donatello set the first aid kit beside Donnie, throwing it open and tossing Donnie disinfectant.

Donnie balked, staring at it and trying to hand it back. "No, I need the bandages!"

"Just use the stupid stuff." Donatello growled right back, refusing to accept it and instead shoving the cotton balls into Donnie's fingers. "It'll be better in the long run."

"Fine." Donnie snapped, dipping the cotton balls into the rubbing alcohol and pulling back the blanket to gently dab at Leon's neck. Leon flinched back, trying to kick at Donnie's chest, but a mechanical arm grabbed his leg and shoved it against the ground, holding Leon steady. "Stop it, I'm trying to help!"

"I know!" Leon whimpered, shoulders lifting to try to cover his neck. Donnie grabbed his shoulder and shoved it back down, trying to reach the wound. "I'm sorry, I'm sorry!"

"Then stop making this difficult!" Donnie growled, thrusting the blanket back against Leon's neck.

"I'm trying!" Leon hissed out as Donnie came back with the disinfectant. "It's just really-!" He coughed, blood dribbling from his teeth and down his chin. Donnie scowled, moving the blanket from the back of Leon's neck to shove against his jaw, whipping away at the blood.

"You're so dumb," Donnie hissed, setting aside the cotten balls. His brow wrinkled as Donatello quietly passed him the medicine, but he applied that as well without complaining, finally able to move on to wrapping Leon's neck carefully with the bandages, removing the blanket for better reach and mobility.

Finally, Donnie was done, pulling back while also pressing the blanket into Leon's hands, giving him the power to wipe at his own blood. He pulled away, giving Leon an unenthusiastic pat on the shoulder, and slowly stood.

"Is he going to be okay?" Raph asked, poking his fingers together nervously.

"Oh, yes, he'll be fine." Donnie reassured stiffly, placing his hands on his hips. "He was only bleeding out from an inch deep stab wound in his neck. It's no big deal."

"Feels like I'm-" Leon cut himself off, shoving his face into the blanket. "Donnie…?"

"You will be fine. With plenty of rest." Donnie promised, face softening up a fraction. He watched Leon cough into the blanket for a moment, waiting until his breathing came to a more steady pace. "...he will be able to rest now, right?"

"Ah." Raph blinked, glancing over to Leonardo. Leonardo paled, opening his mouth slowly to take charge, but Raph felt mercy for him and decided to take the fall. "'Bout that…"

"Oh? Raphael, my dear brother… think carefully." Donnie hissed. "Are you really about to inform me that Leon's neck was slashed open, and you still haven't made any progress in fixing this? Fixing him?"

"Hey!" Leon indignantly squawked, glaring at Donnie through unsteady eyes. "Don't need ta be…"

"Shut up, Leo! And as for you!" Donnie rounded on Leonardo and thrust a finger into his chest, "You did this! You're the ringmaster! We shouldn't have trusted you!"

"Hey, wait…" Donatello frowned, reaching up to tug Donnie's arm, but the soft-shell sidestepped.

"No!" Donnie snapped at Donatello, "You promised! You said that everything would be okay! That he'd be okay! You promised!" Donnie whipped back around to Leonardo, taking a shaky step forward, his fists twisting to his side. "And you said you'd protect him! Is this," he gestured sharply to Leon's neck, a blaze of red bleeding through, splotching the bandages, "what you call 'protecting'? He almost died due to your incompetence, and-!"

"Donnie, woah, woah…" Raph crooned, stepping behind him, wrapping an arm around his shoulders and around his front, pulling him away from Leonardo gently. "Calm down, you know that-"

"No! I actually don't!" Donnie snarled, clawing frantically at Raph, baring his teeth at Leonardo. "All I know is that Leo is hurt, my little brother is hurt, and these imposters said-!"

"Hey, watch your tone!" Raphael snarled, finally unable to stand Donnie's outburst, placing a hand on Leonardo's shoulder and shoving him back to wave his own finger in Donnie's face. "Don't you dare suggest-!"

"It won't happen again." Leonardo promised, nudging Raphael back and turning him around so that his back was to Donnie. "We were clumsy, and we didn't have enough information. Now we do, and I promise that-"

"Promises are no good!" Donnie snarled. "You have to actually do something about it! So do something!"

"Donnie." Leon called, voice shaking, staring at the argument in horror. "Bud…"

Donnie turned back to face him, his expression freezing as he stared at Leon, lips pursing together. His arm shook, and Raph's arms carefully fell off of him.

"Get out." Donnie hissed.

"What?" Michelangelo asked, eyes widening.

"GET OUT!" Donnie snapped, whirling around, a blaze of purple shooting out, his markings glowing. His eyes flashed red and blue for a split second, a growl breaking free of his throat. Behind him, his mystic activated, lighting up a missile launcher with a thousand barrels, glowing purple. It towered over them, imposing and threatening, locked on with intent to kill. "Get out of my home, and get out of my dimension!"

"Donnie!" Leon squeaked, "Dude!"

"They can't leave!" Mikey gasped, "Look at them, they're hurt!"

"That's their own faults!" Donnie hissed. "You have five seconds! Five!"

"Donnie-!"

"Four!"

"We'll go." Leonardo interrupted, giving a short bow, and gesturing at his brothers. "There's no need to, er, blast us? We'll give you some space."

"But…" Michelangelo whined, but at Leonardo's sharp look, he fell silent, nodding slightly. Raphael put a hand on his shoulder, leading him out after Leonardo. Donatello stumbled to his feet, too, giving Donnie a horrified look as he passed, chasing after his brothers as fast as he could.

Raph opened his mouth, looking between Donnie and their counterparts, clenching and unclenching his hands. The silence between them stretched out, the quiet frightening. "Donnie…"

"Go after them!" Leon begged, heart squeezing in his chest, breath refusing to come. "Get them back, don't let them leave!" Mikey dashed away as soon as Leon yelled it, but Raph hung back. "Go, Raphael!"

"I will, I will! But- but, Donnie, he'll be okay?" Raph confirmed.

"Yeah, he will." Leon interrupted, twisting back to Donnie and therefore marking the conversation as done with. "Get going, you big buffoon!"

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"I'm so sorry about Donnie!" Raph implored, chasing after their counterparts, heart twisting. They were leaving, going away, but they needed them, needed their help-

"There's nothing to be sorry for." Leonardo reassured, his smile still kind, but it felt fake. It felt like a Leo smile when his brothers didn't trust him but he was trying to push through. His expression was strained, a touch of exhaustion pulling at his features. "He was just looking out for his brother. None of us can blame him for that."

"Yeah, but-! You can't leave! We need you guys to stay!" Mikey begged, lashing out the arm not curled protectively around his nunchucks - when had he grabbed them? Raph was so glad they seemed to be whole and non-shattered in the real world - to snatch at Michelangelo's wrist.

"Woah, woah!" Michelangelo briskly reassured, taking a step back to swaddle Mikey in a half-hug. "I'm pretty sure we're not going back to our dimension, right, dudes?"

Leonardo exchanged a look with Raphael, and they both nodded in confirmation.

"You're not?" Raph blinked, shoulders losing some but not all of his tension. " But I thought…"

"We're only falling back to our temporary base here." Donatello promised. "Or… permanent base in our own dimension. We left a lot of our supplies back there. Like some scrolls."

"I remember reading something about when a possession bond gets deep enough, when one gets hurt, so does the other. I just need to find that passage again, and I need to see what we can do to fix it." Leonardo elaborated, gaze narrowing into a glare cast at the ground. "I don't even know if I packed it. I didn't think it'd apply!"

"It shouldn't." Raphael grunted, crossing his arms. He squeezed his forearms so tightly his knuckles turned a greenish shade of white, lips pulled into a scowl. "It should've been easy. We should be going home by now, but instead…"

"Aw, Raph," Michelangelo reached out to grab his angry brother, pulling him into a hug as well. He looked content, Raphael on one side, Mikey on the other. "Since when has stuff been easy for us?"

"Yeah, yeah." Raphael huffed, yanking himself out of Michelangelo's grip, rolling his eyes at his pudgy brother. "No relaxing for us. On top of having to deal with spiritual warfare in Leo's head, we've also got to deal with not killing him at all!" He tossed his hands out in front of his head, glaring at the ceiling, then let them drop, kicking his foot. "There better be a way to separate them and save him."

"Soft spot, Raph's got a soft spot!" Michelangelo sang, poking the back of Raphael's shell teasingly. "And it's not for me, I feel betrayed."

"You'll live." Raphael promised, slapping away his hand, but his little brother's antics encouraged a small fond smile to crack his lips.

"So, this stuff never gets easier?" Raph asked, thinking of Leon having to struggle for longer, of Leon bleeding out. Their Shredder broke all their weapons, and left them powerless, and this new Shredder almost broke them. They almost had Leon slip out from between their fingertips… and if they hadn't known what had happened, what would they think?

Leon likely would've died in his sleep. Would they have seen the wounds and suspected murder? Or would they have seen and thought he had done it to himself? Raph feared the latter. They knew he was acting strange, but would they really tie it to self-hate? Leon's head sliced clean off, blood staining the bed, and they wouldn't even try to avenge him. Some brothers they would've been…

They would've looked, they would've held his body, they would've cried. But they wouldn't look for closure. Because they thought the only closure they had was that Leon had been driven away by them. Raph would've blamed himself for being scared of Leon the night he became leader, whereas he was supposed to be kind and encouraging. Donnie would've locked himself in the lab and wouldn't have come out, and yet he would've been the one to bury the body, because neither Raph and Mikey would've been able to bring themselves to touch it. Mikey would've lost the big brother he looked up to so much, and he wouldn't be able to deal with it, too terrified that Donnie or Raph would also fade away, and ultimately wishing he had been there for Leon instead of Raph that night. And one of them would've had to tell Splinter.

One of them had to tell Splinter.

One of them still had to tell Splinter.

Raph faltered in his steps, fingers curling into his palms. Someone had to tell Splinter. Tell Splinter his son, his precious son, was being haunted all night and usually all day by a demon. And the only reason they hadn't known immediately was because Leon assumed it tied into his new leadership position, and thought he wasn't allowed to even complain.

If Splinter was anything like any of them, he'd blame himself. And maybe… maybe they all were a little bit to blame. Maybe Splinter should've held off on making Leon leader, and talked it out with both Raph and Leon first, separately or together. Maybe Mikey should've latched onto Leon on the walk back. Maybe Donnie should've done their whole 'disaster twin' thing and hung out with Leon that night. And maybe Leon should've talked to them, but-!

But.

They were past that. They had all figured everything out. They had Leon back, and their brother was talking to them again, and he was him, and it wasn't Shredder hiding behind a mask of their brother, scowling at them and making them believe Leon hated them…

They had almost lost Leon again. Something went wrong, and Leonardo's sword had hit Leon too. Somehow, somehow, Shredder had found a way to make him and Leon the same, and…

Leon hadn't been okay during the fight. Wasn't he flinching and fumbling with every hit Shredder took? But it wasn't until the neck…

Was Leon seriously hiding stuff from them? Again?!

Raph failed at holding back the enraged roar that broke from his throat, fist slamming into the nearest wall. His joints trembled and shook, cracks scurrying along the walls, spreading out from the impact crater. Like they were running from him. Impossible, and yet… and yet…

Raph felt the tears building up in his eyes finally spill over, trickling down his chin. A ragged sob burst from his lips, pulling at his throat and already making it feel raw. His sight was so blurry, fading in and out of focus, that even blinking could hardly dispel any of the tears.

He caught sight of the other turtles out of the corner of his eye regardless, turning towards them. He rubbed furiously at his eyes, able to clear his vision enough to clearly distinguish their horrified, surprised expressions. He was unable to fight back the tug of indignation that boiled in his chest, yanking his fist from the wall.

"What?!" He demanded, raising his fists. His mouth snapped shut as their four counterparts took a step backwards, Leonardo's hand reaching for his sword, and Raphael's hands landing on his sai hilts.

Raph flinched back, breath catching in his throat. He didn't mean to, he didn't mean to act like that, he was just scared, and he… he hadn't really been angry like that in a long time… he wasn't supposed to be angry, but…

Leon had-

Mikey slammed into his arm, wrapping his arms tightly around him, burying his beak against Raph's arm. The motion broke the breath out of Raph's lungs, and he heaved out a sigh. He had scared Mikey, too. His precious baby brother…

Raph reached out a hand to gently rub over Mikey's head, trying to pretend that Mikey wasn't sniffling and crying, too, and shrugged him close. "I'm sorry, little brother… I didn't mean to…" he looked up at their counterparts, "I'm so sorry, I'm… I didn't think-!" He dipped his face toward Mikey, swallowing his sobs back and cooing softly at his little brother. How could he lose control like that? How dare he freak Mikey out so much?

Raph felt a hand on his shoulder, and he jerked, lifting his gaze up - or, rather, slightly less down - to meet Raphael's gaze. His shorter counterpart's gaze was still hard, but past the layers of muted emotion, Raph could see concealed concern and a deep understanding. Raph's heart softened, feeling seen.

"What set you off?" Raphael asked, sparing a glance at Mikey, which noticeably lessened the crease on his forehead. It wasn't often that Raph could look at Raphael and completely understand him, too. However, as Raphael gazed at Mikey, Raph thought this was one of those times. Ultimately, they were both big bros who cared about their little brothers, and that felt nice to know.

"I…" Raph drew out a breath slowly, watching Raphael. "I couldn't protect Leo."

"Geez." Raphael sighed, long and drawn out. "The struggle of all Raphaels, little cousin. Honestly, Leos are all idiots."

"Hey!" Leonardo squawked indignantly, and even though Donatello patted his back comfortingly, the young genius was nodding along with Raphael.

"I mean…" Raph started, failed, and thought about that for a second. "...your Leo seems pretty, I dunno, he seems like he has it altogether…"

Raphael chuckled, rolling his eyes at that like it was the most absurd thing he had ever heard. "He seems like it, alright. I don't know what kind of adventures you and your brothers have gone on, but, trust me, I'm pretty sure we've gone on weirder, and Leo takes every opportunity to be stupid."

Leonardo was gradually growing more offended while Donatello kept patting him, eventually moving up to pat Leonardo's head instead of his shell. Leonardo hunched his shoulders and grumbled, glaring at Michelangelo as his little brother squeezed up next to him and comfortingly nudged him with his elbow.

"Yeah, but he…" Raph bowed his head, closing his eyes again, moving back to petting Mikey's head. "...if he died, I wouldn't have… what if there's more and more problems that we haven't figured out, and we just keep learning more problems, and it just… what if he dies?"

Raphael blinked at him, and then said slowly "...Leon?"

"Yeah."

"There's always that danger." Raphael agreed, sighing, and leaning against the wall. He glanced back at his brothers, waving them away. "You guys go on. I think me and I need to talk."

Mikey pulled away slowly, looking up at Raph and then glanced in the direction of Raphael, rubbing his eyes free of tears. "Do I…" Mikey began, moving his hand to hold Raph's, peering back up at his big brother's still tear-stained face in worry. He paused, going down to start chewing on his own knuckle, gnawing at it anxiously. "Raph… You're going to be okay?" The 'alone' went unsaid, but Raph heard it all the same.

"Yeah, I think I will, big man." Raph soothed, not sure if he'd be okay at all, but that didn't matter right now. Right now, his focus was on getting Mikey moving toward their counterparts and away from Raph's mental breakdown.

"Get going, kid." Raphael encouraged.

Raph gave his littlest brother a shove toward Michelangelo, and Mikey finally released Raph's hand and tucked his arms protectively around himself. Mikey headed off, walking painstakingly slowly towards his counterpart and company. Michelangelo greeted him with an arm slung over his shoulders, and Donatello raised a hand to awkwardly rub circles into his shell. The four turltes looked over their shoulders one last time at the Raphs, and then took off, wandering around a corner and they were gone.

Raphael waited a long time for their footsteps to fade away, and then turned back to Raph. While they waited, Raph started to feel his heart rate ramp up again, quick nervous thumps against his rib cage, sweat dripping down his face. Raphael's imposing stare seemed to grow harder with each second that passed, his expression something Raph could only describe as 'calculating'.

"Gonna be honest, kid." Raphael said at last. "It doesn't get easier." He heaved out a heavy sigh as he cautiously observed Raph. "…sometimes it feels like it's getting worse."

Raph sat down, tucking his legs against his chest and burrowing his chin into his knees. "Leo's going to keep doin' stuff like this? Forever?"

"Heh, yup, that's about what it feels like." Raphael dropped cross-legged beside Raph, crossing his arms. Finally, his gaze tore away and set to wandering the walls, lingering on the impact crater that Raph had left behind on the wall. "I mean… mine's sort of getting better. He's gotten it through his thick skull that it's not all up to him. Sacrificing everything for a mission means nothing if we don't all survive."

Raphael unclenched his hands, pulling them away from his plastron and staring at them bitterly. "But that pig-headed know-it-all has decided that even if we won't let him die for… for us, then he's gotta sacrifice himself in other ways. We aren't allowed to actually kill Shredder, we can't take the most dangerous jobs on missions anymore, and heck, sometimes, he won't even tell us when he's running off to the Foot or whatever! I don't care that your best friend runs the whole thing, you still have got to tell us! And don't tell him, but I know he throws games of chess in our favor! He's a dumba-!" Raphael cut himself off of his angry tirade, glanced at Raph, and with fake calmness set his hands against the ground. "…anyway. He's going to be the death of me."

"If Leo were here, he'd make a dumb joke like…" Raph put one hand on his hip, raising one finger in a chastising motion. "'Isn't that supposed to be the other way around?'"

"You got the pose right." Raphael smirked. "But, no, he'd get stuck in 'leader' mode and go 'Raph, you know that's the opposite point I was trying to make!' Like, yeah, I know, but if you're dying, I'm jumping off that cliff right after you."

"Or that roof." Raph said lightly, but inside his heart cracked.

"Eh, insert 'high location here'." Raphael shrugged, oblivious to Raph struggling to keep his voice level. "Look, I know we're making fun of Leo being stupid, but this isn't about him." Raphael chuckled at Raph's surprised expression, rolling his eyes. "Yeah, surprise Sherlock, you really think I pulled you to the side just to gossip?"

"I mean…" Raph twiddled his thumbs together, frowning in confusion. "Uh… I guess not? But I guess so? I… don't know."

"Well, then, surprise, we're not talking about Leo." Raphael tilted his head at Raph, "Yeah, you're angry, I get it. Hey, my whole life is built on being angry. And it builds off of being scared. Brothers, am I right?"

Raph curled over, bending over his hands and nervously twisting them together. "...being the biggest brother is so tough. It's not just physical! It's not. I think this whole… Shredder-situation proves that! It's in here, too!" He tapped his forehead, but it quickly grew to his fingers tensing, dragging down his temple and to his chin, joints trembling as he tried to regain control of himself, but it didn't work, his hands were shaking more and more and he couldn't- he couldn't-!

"Uh." Raphael blinked, his voice snapping Raph out of his panic, the horrific pulsing of his chest calming gradually to become at least somewhat calm. His heart was still out of sync, but at least this time Raph could actually focus past the strain of his ribcage and look towards Raphael, blinking somewhat hazily.

"Okay, so you're. Clearly undergoing some sort of, uh…mental. Breakdown." Raphael looked Raph up and down, pursing his lips. "Yeah. I'm not good at this sort of thing. I mean, I've had to experience and see it a lot lately, from, uh, my own brothers, but I'm still not the best candidate for… okay, anything I can do?"

"No, I don't…" Raph grumbled out underneath his breath, huffing out a sniffle and trying not to let it be too audible, but from Raphael's expression, it probably was. "Sorry, sorry, I'm not trying to freak out on you, it's just… this last week… no, it's been longer than that. It's been two weeks. Maybe three. Ever since the Battle Nexus, it's just been.."

Raph choked out a chuckle, thrusting his hands out in front of him, his laugh gaining volume the longer he thought about it, and yeah, okay, he definitely sounded just a little bit like a psychopath- "But I can't complain! It's been worse for Leo! And I've been part of that! And I just- where the heck did you get that from?!"

Raphael passed him a can of soda pop, nodding with wisdom far too much for someone of his stature. "Mikey taught me how to store things in his shell. It works better for water balloons, but it works. It's especially funny because Leo can't comprehend that we can fit into our shells, he also can't figure out that we can store stuff in here." He thumped his chest proudly. "So we can sneak things past that stuck-up."

Raph blinked at him slowly, still confused.

"Donnie says when you're panicking, it's. Uh, good to consume stuff." Raphael cracked open his own can of soda, staring off into the distance absent-mindedly. "Something about salivating? I dunno, it's gross, and I tuned him out for most of it. But I guess he started doing research on mental health after we… Well, these last few months have been a rollercoaster for my brothers and I. Lots of… talking about feelings. And, look, maybe you caused some of the issues Leo is dealing with. Chances are, you're also dealing with some of the stuff Leo's given you. Our family is just a mess of problems. But aren't all families?"

"So… what?" Raph whined, pausing only enough to down the entire can in one gulp. Strangely enough, it did make him feel a bit better afterwards. "We're just a screwed up… dysfunctional family who gives each other problems?"

"Eh, not exactly, I guess. I mean, we pull on each other's masks like we're little kids. We yell at each other, we wrestle, and that's just normal family stuff. Sure, it stumbles into rough territory a lot, especially when we were younger, and there was a lot more punching and a lot less playing, but we got over it. A family's only really screwed when fighting is all they do. But you fix things. You move forward." He finished his can, chugging the last half of it down and crushing it under his fingers. "And, like… you don't have to forgive each other. Not really. Forgiveness is nice and all, but when your father basically tells your brother that if he dies for the sake of the world, it's a-okay…"

Raphael tucked his arms over his knees, sighing long and hard and staring disjointedly at the ground. "Look, Master Splinter was an amazing mentor. A great teacher, and I looked up to him. Respected him! We both had anger issues as kids, and. Gah. Not that I'll ever admit it, but he helped me through them a lot."

"You just did admit it." Raph pointed out, letting loose a light chuckle. Raphael punched his arm with all the fury of a raging bull, and Raph flinched back, actually feeling the sting. Woah.

"Yeah, but not to him!" Raphael grinned, reaching down to scoop up both their crushed cans and file them back away under his shell. Raph watched in silent amazement, wondering if he could do that, too. He'd never tried to store things inside himself before….

"But, yeah, where I'm trying to go with this is that Master Splinter was a great man, y'know? Good father, better teacher. But my brothers and I? Didn't really agree with his morals or ideas of stuff a lot of the time. Our father's morals don't have to be ours. We can shape ourselves and decide on our own beliefs." Raphael scratched the back of his head awkwardly. "I… uh, guess what I'm saying is… I haven't seen your Splinter around. Is he…?"

"He likes being by himself sometimes." Raph defended, feeling the uncanny urge to protect his father's honor, because finally, Master Splinter had been redeemed, not only in his son's eyes, but also his own. "And I mean… sometimes it means we don't see him a lot. For once he's not hounding up the TV room or whatever, but now he's in his own room a lot. He's just tired from when we last fought Shredder!"

"And how long has that been again?"

"Uh, about two weeks?"

That didn't seem to settle Raphael's nerves. In fact, it only made his face scrunch up more, millions of thoughts Raph no longer had access to battling its way through his head. "And when's the last time you saw Splinter?"

"Oh, um… three days? I think Leo was sulking in his… not sulking, I guess. Probably wide awake and trying to deal with… your Shredder. But, um, yeah. We talked to Pops for a bit. He was still tired, and he went back to bed after making sure we hadn't taken on any missions so soon after… um. Shred-One. I think that wore him out, though. We didn't even really get a chance to tell him about Leo…"

"…not a helicopter parent, then?" Raphael mused, cracking his knuckles.

"Ah, no. He usually just… lets us do our own thing. Unless we're grounded. And sneak out. Or when he finds out that we're actually going on dangerous missions to stop dark armor from reforming without telling him. Why? Is yours a helicopter parent?" Raph asked, tilting his head curiously at Raphael.

Raphael choked on air for a minute, staring up at Raph with wide, slightly panicked eyes. "Huh? Is he a-? I mean! Yeah, sorta? He… uh. He's quite the over-protector. Grounded us after our first real encounter with Shredder, and all that jazz. Didn't like us leaving the sewers quite so often, had a curfew for us that we never obeyed, and, well. Like I said, he was great. There were some things I know I would do differently, but hey. I'm sure raising four sewer babies wasn't easy. Can't judge."

"Oh, yeah, there's definitely stuff I would do differently, too." Raph agreed, tapping his fingers against his temples, squeezing his eyes shut as he thought about it. "Like… gee, I dunno, actually checking in on us?! I know he's tired and all, but this is ridiculous! Leo needs-! What if there's more to this than just… them being connected? Shell, there might be stuff spirit-y that's unique to our dimension that you guys don't know anything about!" Raph cast up his hands, quickly bringing them back down to smother his face. "It'd… be handy if Dad could just… come out of his room, and… lend us his scrolls? Help us with Leo?"

"So. Bottom line, there's no possible way he doesn't already know? Like… Leon didn't tell him himself?"

"What?" Raph raised his head to stare at Raphael in bewilderment, confused. "No, absolutely not. I think Splinter is… well. They don't always get along well. I think they clash too much."

Raphael thought for a long moment, rubbing the bridge of his nose. "Geez, that sounds all kinds of wrong, but if your Splinter was - is - anything like ours, then I guess it tracks. Before Leo started to get obsessed with ninjaing, he didn't really get along with our Splinter, either. I mean, your Leo acts a lot like mine did when he was younger. When he came bursting into the kitchen earlier… heh, that's something my Leo did before he became leader and… uh, everything else that came after."

Before he became leader? Oh dear. That brought all sorts of unpleasant thoughts swirling in Raph's head. Thinking of how serious Leonrado usually was when they… weren't in his mind, and then imagining Leon becoming like that… losing all the things that made him Leon…

His stomach churned uncomfortably, and Raph blinked rapidly to ward off the tears that sprung to his eyes. If this… curse stole Leon away from them… twisted him into someone as unenthusiastic as Leonardo was…

He didn't think he'd be able to handle it. Even Leon being angry would be better than being so… so… blank? Focused only on Shredder and not really… interacting beyond that? It felt so wrong. Leon being serious when he had to fit the leader role? Great. Have him be a good leader, have him understand the new responsibilities that had been unheaved from Raph and cast on him, but… being serious didn't mean he had to be a serious person. Let Leon still have fun. Please.

"Okay, good talk," Raphael shoved himself up to his feet, offering Raph a hand up, tugging him up with surprise ease. "We still have a while to go before we get to the rendezvous. So if you have anything else you want to talk about in the meantime, we can discuss it on the way over?"

"You sure they weren't eavesdropping?" Raph was only half teasing, and Raphael rolled his eyes in a way that could be an 'of course' or a 'nice joke'.

"Naw, I don't think Leonardo would waste time hanging back. Not with something as important as this is."

"Then we shouldn't have hung back either!" Raph insisted, realizing suddenly just how much time they had wasted, doing petty small talk, and that wasn't important, what was important was Leo, and they were putting him in danger every second they took-

"Well, it was either this or tracking down Casey and taking him with us to bust some goon's heads up above. I mean, physically pulverizing some punks is great and all, it's my preferred method of therapy and all that, but talking is good too. And it usually takes less time than four hours 'galivating' about."

Vaguely, Raph remembered Mikey and Michelangelo restating what they learned about each other's Caseys when they were waiting for Leon to fall asleep not even two hours before, and… Well, the idea of her - of him? - being Raph's best friend still sat wrong with him. The idea of taking Casey along with him to go attack some goons, which would honestly probably be members of the Foot Clan, her old basically-family, was just cruel and heartless. And exactly the kind of thing she would do.

Yeah, no, being friends with her was not something that he exactly strived for. But Splinter liked her and started calling her his daughter within a day, and Mikey was thriving under the idea of the increased 'found family' tropes, and April and her exchanged phone numbers within minutes of setting foot back in the barren city. For them, Raph would put aside his worry over Casey and try to be friends. Did he even have the rights to call her 'Casey'?

Raph looked up at Raphael, standing a little bit away and watching him with confusion, waiting for him to catch up. Raph huffed out a sigh, shaking his head anxiously and dusted himself off, hurrying to catch up. "Yeah, okay, let's… meet up with our brothers. And… thanks. Talking to you is… well, you seem to know what you're talking about."

"Glad I seem that way." Raphael scoffed playfully. "I'm just regurgitating stuff Donnie and Mikey sometimes say. But, uh, no problem. Glad I could help."

Raph nodded, and they proceeded in mostly quiet companionship.

(:)

It took the Raphs maybe twenty minutes to catch up to their brothers. The Mikes were leaning on the wall bordering the doorway, Michelangelo staring down the hallway when the Raphs came around the corner, and Mikey was switching his gaze from everywhere, waving his hands in the air as he rambled.

"I'm just saying! There's four of us! So it should only be a one fourth chance that I survive the longest! But the thing is, it's more of that chance for me! At this point, it's like… three fourths of a chance for me, for us, surviving the longest! Because they're just soooo overprotective, because we're just soooo young, and I'm just saying, but-!"

"That's a good thing Mikey." Raph scolded as Michelangelo waved his hand in a wave, everyone sharing a snort of amusement as Mikey's head whirled around to face them, flushing deeply. "You should take your status as 'longest survivor' with pride!" He thumbed his chest, but Mikey's expression twisted.

"No point surviving if I survive alone!" Mikey scoffed right back, crossing his arms.

"That's what I was saying." Raphael agreed, nudging Raph. "No point in saving the world if we don't all see it together."

"Oh, you were giving him that talk." Michelangelo cooed, eyeing the two of them intently. "Did he take it better than Leo?"

"There wasn't nearly as much arguing. And there wasn't nearly as much talking about it." Raphael smirked, crossing his arms. "So, yeah, it was easier. Thank you for being a better listener than Leo."

"I always am." Raph huffed, only a little bit offended at being compared to Leon's way too short attention span, but then again, Leonardo was inherently different from Leon. An older, more mature version, that Raph was just… terrified of watching Leon become.

"Anyway, are Donnie and Leo already inside?" Raphael asked, pushing over to peer into the entryway. Over his shoulder, Raph could see that Donatello and Leonardo were definitely already seated, surrounded by scrolls that they barely looked at before rolling them up again and setting them off again to the side. "Huh, so they are."

"Yeah, we were just, uh, waiting for you!" Michelangelo shot them finger guns, grinning a bit too widely. Raph could see a crease in his mask from where his eyebrows furrowed, a touch of fear in his eyes. Michelangelo's voice lowered, and he leaned closer to Raphael. "...and I wasn't ready to go in quite yet. Li'l Mikey was waiting with me."

"Huh." Raphael leaned back from over the handrails, giving Michelangelo a pat on his shoulder. "Well, you can introduce them to 'you know who', if that makes it better?"

"You genius brother, you!" Michelangelo crooned excitedly, tossing his arms around Raphael quickly, and then springing off again to quickly snag Mikey's hand. "You guys have got to meet her!"

They headed in, and Michelangelo waved excitedly at his two older brothers. "Hey Leo and Donnie! Look who showed up!"

Leonardo and Donatello both didn't look up, but they lifted their hands in acknowledgement, as they each skimmed the scrolls in either of their hands. Raph pursed his lips, heading over to join them, but Raphael grabbed his wrist and pulled him back over to join the Mikes.

"Ah, okay. Who… are we meeting?" Raph asked, glancing from Leonardo and Donatello back over to the Mikes and Raphael, watching Michelangelo shove aside some heavy bags off to the side to uncover a cooler.

"Just my cat." Michelangelo exclaimed eagerly, throwing the cooler open and scooping out a pile of ice cream out of the cooler and holding it tight. "Dee calls her my therapy animal. Didja know that purring makes you healthier?"

"Promotes healing." Donatello corrected automatically, still hunched over the scrolls.

"That's… a pile of ice cream." Raph whispered, nudging Mikey pointedly to make sure his little brother was seeing the same thing he was.

Mikey nodded slowly, coming to terms with the fact that his counterpart was insane. He hadn't shown any true signs of it during the several hours that the two Mikes shared together, but… hey, sometimes insanity wasn't immediately obvious. They were lucky they were already seeing the signs, actually; Mikey had got a therapist degree online, so he was practically bonafide! Maybe he could get Michelangelo a real therapy animal.

"Aw." Michelangelo crooned. "She's just being a little shy. Com'n, Ice-Cream Kitty," he scratched the top of the ice cream, "Say 'hi'!"

And then, wonder of wonders, a small feline head actually poked up and meowed. Raph startled, flinging out an arm to shield Mikey instinctively, both boys staring with wonder at the meowing blob.

"That," Raph shakily realized, "is a cat."

"Welcome to the program." Raphael sighed, holding out his arms for Michelangelo to drop Ice-Cream Kitty into. "We're not sure how she works, but she's tasty."

"I know how she works!" Michelangelo defended, licing his fingers. "She's a kitty made out of ice cream!"

"Oh boy." Raphael deadpanned, handing her off to Mikey. "How could I have forgotten?"

As Mikey cooed and swaddled the kitty close, swaying her back and forth in his arms and fantasizing about how cute she was, and honestly, she was really quite cute, Raph leaned over and purred right back at her, massaging the kitty's entire body with a single hand. She arched her back, leaning into the touch, and oh my goodness, how did Michelangelo never tell them about this?!

Raphael was making his way over to Leonardo and Donatello, but Leonardo shooed him away with a scowl. "Yeah, no. You aren't getting ice cream all over my scrolls. There's disinfectant wipes in my backpack, use that to clean yourself off."

"Boy. Scout." Raphael annunciated carefully, flashing the 'okay' symbol at Leonardo before turning to return to the bags. Raph released Ice Cream Kitty, glad to be able to help now, but regretting leaving the kitty behind, joining Raphael.

Raphael glanced up as Raph kneeled beside him, huffing through his lips, but digging out an extra pouch of wipes for Raph. Raph accepted them gratefully, using both of them to wipe off one hand while Raphael used the same amount to wipe off both arms, fully coated with the sticky ice cream remains.

They walked back past the Mikes, sitting several feet away from the luggage and playing with Ice Cream Kitty, teasing her with their fingers and giving her lots of scratches and pets, eliciting purrs out of her each time.

As the Raphs sat down beside Donatello and Leonardo, the former handed the latter a scroll, a serious expression upon both of their faces. Leonardo read quickly, gaze skimming over it once, and then returning to the middle section, reading more slowly. He returned to the top, and carried down, rereading the passage once, then twice.

His gaze lifted to Donatello, nibbling his lip, and looked back down to stare at it. "...oh."

Raph peered over his shoulder, tapping his fingers together. He didn't recognize the symbols. Well, he could tell they were Japanese, he had seen his dad's Hamato scrolls enough in passing to recognize that much, but he didn't know how to read it. Splinter had never really taught him…

"Well?" Raphael demanded from Raph's other side, craning his neck. "What does it say?"

"I don't know, I can't read it!" Raph returned, and Leonardo turned to them, blinking in surprise as if he hadn't seen them sit down.

"Here, uh, it says…" Leonardo adjusted the scroll so that the Raphs could see, laying it out over the ground in between the four of them, tracing his finger underneath the symbols as he read aloud, voice loud enough so that everyone in the circle could hear, but soft enough that the Mikes could not;

"If the bond between the possessed and the spirit is too great, any harm done by outside forces to either party will be transferred to the other. Just as the body is shared, so are injuries. However, the two souls may injure each other with no reproductions to themselves.

"Aside from death, there is no way to break this bond."

Leonardo met Raph's gaze evenly, but there was no calm in his eyes. Only a raging fear that built and flowed. "Unless we can find a workaround or a loophole, Leon will have to kill Shredder himself."