TW: Repression of emotions. Suicidal implications and thoughts.
(:)
"Gas… what-now?" Donatello squinted at him, trying to nudge his way around Leonardo's shoulder. His older brother held out his arm, stopping him from reaching Leon and likely from shoving his hands into Leon's face to pry open his eyes or some other Donnie-esque quirk.
"He's delusional!" Michelangelo announced with despair, tossing his hands up.
"He's not delusional." Donnie reassured, glaring down at Leon, one eyebrow twisted upwards. "Just crazy."
"Y'mean smart." Leon corrected, though the lack of understanding or faith his brothers were showing made his heart plummet. It wasn't the first time his brothers hadn't trusted his cleverness, but he had proved them wrong last time, too. His heartbeat still rattled away erratically in his chest, and he hissed in a sharp breath, fingers digging into his chest.
"Right, as I said, crazy." Donnie huffed, flicking his forehead. "Look at you, you can barely sit up straight, and you're clearly erratic, and you think you can get away with… manipulating Shredder?"
"Duh." Leon snorted, squawking out a quick exhale as Raph's arm suddenly wrapped around him and yanked him back into his lap. Raph tapped Leon's head comfortingly against his plastron, but he twisted in a way that whenever Leon glanced up he would immediately catch Raph's eyes and see the deep scowl that settled over his big brother's face.
Leon cringed under his glare, twisting his attention to his lap and away from Donnie and Raph's fierce expressions.
"Mikey, Donnie, why don't you go show everyone our weapon stash?" Raph suggested, using the lull in the conversation to take charge, like any good leader should. "Try to find a sword or something for Leo while you're at it, okay?"
"Yeah, right!" Mikey enthusiastically returned, his footsteps retreating from the room in a hurry. Nobody else followed him, and he trudged back slowly, hovering a few feet into the room as he waited for somebody to pad along after him. "Um… you guys good?"
There was a longer pause, and when Leon raised his head to peek at what was going on, he wasn't overly surprised to see everyone's attention was on Leonardo. Some of them were half-turned towards the doorway, but watched Leonardo curiously, the oldest turtle's hands steepled together.
Leonardo met Leon's gaze, his eyebrows relaxing subtly at the eye contact, and he dropped his hands. He turned his attention back over to Raph and held up his hand in a 'call me' gesture. "If we're not back before he's ready to try again, give us a call. When we get back, we'll use that meditation principle that Raphael mentioned to-!"
"Yes, yes, Raph won't leave him defenseless, I assure you, now let's go, chop chop!" Donnie groaned, putting his full weight into shoving Leonardo. Leonardo let him try for a solid fifteen seconds before taking a step back. It was sudden enough that Donnie was unable to catch himself and wound up in a face-plant on the floor.
If Leon's focus wasn't completely locked on keeping himself from shaking, he might have laughed.
Instead he just watched as Mikey reached down to help his huffing twin up to his feet, smirking as Mikey jerked a bit too hard and sent Donnie stumbling a step or two. "Alright," Mikey hummed after Donnie straightened, gesturing at the four older turtles. "Let's go! Faster we go, the faster we can come back!"
"I concur." Donnie huffed, trying to regain his dignity by holding himself as high as he could. Even so, when Donatello strode past him, he still towered over Donnie, large and intimidating.
Finally, they left, leaving Leon alone to his thoughts. Except, he wasn't alone, as his father and oldest brother were on either side, and their presence was gentle and calming, instead of overstimulating.
He looked over at Splinter and smiled shakingly, hoping his expression conveyed calmness and removed all semblance of fear from his father's thoughts.
His expression only succeeded in making Splinter's brow clenched, worry pulled across his face as he reached out to seize Leon's hand. He turned it over, carefully tracing the lines on Leon's palm. Leon shuddered at the tingly feeling that jolted up his arm, but he relaxed as Splinter stopped tapping his palm, retracted it tightly against his chest.
The pause between them expanded uncomfortably, and Leon pulled his head halfway into his shell, pulse thudding away in his ears.
Splinter reached out again to gently tug Leon's hand out from between he and Raph's plastrons and squeezed it again. This time, he rubbed gentle circles into the back of his hand. "Are you planning to… pull a stunt like you did in the Battle Nexus?"
Splinter's eyes lit up at Leon's subdued nod, looking sly at the implications. "Ah! I cannot wait to hear all about it, Blue!"
"Battle Nexus?" Raph inquired, crossing his eyes as he peered down at Leon curiously. "As in… the original? And not the New York Battle Nexus?" When Splinter and Leon both gave him a nod of confirmation, he frowned. "When were you in Big Mama's arena?"
With a jolt, Leon realized that he and Splinter had never told his brothers how they had got the collar for Shredder in the first place. The most they knew was that Leon got his hands on a Lou Jitsu costume and had successfully wrangled a magical charm out of Big Mama's hands, but the finer details were lost. They probably thought it had to do with the fact that Big Mama was Splinter's ex, a little fact that had actually come to light.
It sent rivets of guilt into Leon's stomach as he realized that he had gotten angry at them for not trusting him, when they had no proof that he had the capability of being better. After all, if they didn't know how he had defied odds, how could they presume that he would keep exceeding expectations?
"We had to strike a deal to get the nullifying collar, Red." Splinter informed him, voice impossibly gentle. "And Blue strung together the most elaborate scheme - or, 'deal' - that I have ever seen! He put Big Mama to shame!" The softness behind his tone was lost, a hearty belly-laugh spilling from his lips.
Leon's heart rate began to slow at the praise and unwavering trust in Splinter's voice. He had done that. His father was smiling because of him. But even so… "It didn't work." Leon pointed out, deflating with shame. "Big Mama still got the upperhand in the end." For all his cleverness, the crime lord had played one last trick on him that he couldn't predict.
"Through treachery and underhanded plays befitting a temptress such as herself." Splinter corrected with a venomous growl. "If she played fair, we would not have had to deal with Shredder again. Well…" He hesitated, reaching out to rest a hand against Leon's forehead. "Not our Shredder. But you predicted the twist in her web of lies before she ever pulled the strings. It is not your fault she lied again. She cheated, but you outwitted her. You were perceptive, and however you plan on utilizing that against Shredder… I know you can do it again."
Warmth enveloped Leon, and he squeezed Splinter's hand as tightly as he could. The trembles he tried to suppress bubbled out, but Splinter didn't appear to mind.
"I think I'm missing something here." Raph admitted, looking between Leon and Splinter. "I mean, I agree. Leo, it's not your fault. None of us blame you, and you got the collar in the first place. If you hadn't, we wouldn't have met Karai or gotten our mystic upgrade. And you're going to do great against Shredder if you even manipulated Big Mama." Raph shrugged Leon as close to him as he could, almost enveloping his brother in his grasp. "But, Leo, that's not as important as right now? Are you okay?"
Leon's free hand fluttered aimlessly, tapping anxiously against Raph and channeling the air into an erratic swirl. He tried to shrug, but all he ended up doing was letting out a confused whine. Raph's frown deepened.
Splinter's knuckles extended and breezed against Leon's face. The rhythmic motion seemed to dampen Leon's anxieties, and he breathed out a sigh while he learned into the touch.
"It's okay. We don't have to do this tonight." Raph reassured. "I know they want to get this over with, but if you're right… It's okay to wait so Shredder is further away. We can try again tomorrow." The snapper shrugged, lips pursed with worry and the crevice that was forming between his brows made him look older than he was.
Leon shook his head.
"Oh." Raph deflated, frowning down at Leon, and exchanging a worried expression with Splinter. "Are you… sure?"
"I need to." Leon repeated, squeezing Raph's hand tightly. "I just… I can do this, Raph. I need to be done with this."
Raph exhaled deeply, bouncing Leon comfortingly. Splinter's face contained worry, but Leon knew it wasn't mistrust. Or, even if it was mistrust, it was a lack of faith against Shredder instead of Leon. If Shredder didn't fall precisely into place, if he strayed from the predicted path…
Leon was good at manipulation. It was one of the few things he was good at, and it had saved them all a handful of times. They needed him, because there was something about him that allowed them to get just the right thing when they needed it, but…
Probability varied. Leon was only able to Face-Man his way into something useful on occasion, and other times, it was more like luck-of-the-draw, as threats got worse, his luck was starting to fade, and actual skill was needed. Skill he hardly bothered developing. If he got himself killed because he got arrogant, or didn't pull the right facial expressions…
"Leonardo?" Splinter whispered, leaning over so that his face was all Leon could see. His father pried his fingers free from Leon, and reached both hands up to cup his son's face cautiously. "What happened?"
"Not calm yet, Dad." Leon hissed out, reaching up one hand to hold Splinter's face right back, squeezing his eyes shut. "Just. Thinking."
"Anything we can do to help?" Raph asked, and though Leon couldn't see his face, he knew exactly how Raph's face displayed every version of big-brother love all at once.
"Getting everyone out of the room was a great first step." Leon praised, huffing out a sigh of relief that he hadn't uttered earlier. "Good thinking, big bro."
"You seemed uncomfortable." Raph helpfully commented, as if that made him actually taking charge any less, in Leon's opinion, remarkable. "And Raph does what Raph does best! Takin' care of you."
"You shouldn't need to." Leon grumbled, but Raph only flicked his forehead in response, wiggling his hand in between Splinter and Leon to do so. Splinter's own visage had collapsed into a deep scowl, regarding Leon with a shake of his head. Pride replaced by disappointment.
Leon remembered their earlier conversation and felt a wave of guilt crash into him that he had already disregarded it. He hadn't meant to, he just… He didn't always think before he spoke. He was working on it, wasn't that enough?
"He wants to, Blue." Splinter's tone adopted a frantic edge, trying to remind his son of their conversation and make Leon take it to heart again.
Leon was trying, he was, but a singular conversation didn't make it stick. It created a small fissure in his mind, a slow switch in his understanding, but Leon didn't fully understand it. He didn't get it, not yet, and it wasn't fair that Splinter was expecting him to get it right away.
He was trying, he was trying, wasn't that enough? How useless could one turtle be?
"Leo, whatever you're thinking in there, stop." Raph scolded, pressing his face against Splinter's so that Leon's eyes went to him, next, instead of just his father's furry forehead. "Dad's right. I want to help, Leo. I'm your big brother because I want to be, okay? If I didn't I… I would've walked right out years ago, you got that?"
Leon hesitated, maybe for a few seconds too long, because Raph gave him a firm shake, narrowing his eyes fiercely against Leon. He opened his mouth to repeat, but Leon nodded before he got the chance.
"Okay." Leon admitted, closing his eyes against their worried expressions. There was a tension to the air he didn't like, one that wouldn't have been there if he just hadn't said anything, but what was he supposed to do? He couldn't take back the words he had said. He wanted to apologize, but it didn't feel right. He didn't think his father or brother would take one, anyway.
But he could make them proud again. He could rid them of their disappointment, of their fear. He just needed to try. He just needed to give them a chance to free him from his prison. He needed to delay Shredder, and if he accomplished that…
Splinter's earlier pride would return, and Raph could trust him.
(:)
Leon wasn't sure when he began to drift off, other than a vague memory of Raph digging out his phone to send Donnie a text when Leon's eyes started to stare dazedly forward with fatigue, his nervous episode taking a lot out of him.
It was disheartening to know he couldn't sleep off his emotions properly for another day, but it was okay. It'd be over soon.
On the bright side, somehow, while in the start void, his mind ticked into action, dispelling the panic he had felt last time he was here and the pain of the waking world. Nerves were still in place, but they were much less subdued, none of his fight-or-flight kicking in quite yet.
That final statement immediately proved to be false as Leon came face to face with Shredder.
Shredder breathed out a snarl, and Leon nearly tripped as he dropped backwards, but he managed to save himself by turning it into a back handspring.
Shredder snarled at the action, lunging forward. Leon ducked out of the way and snatched his swords out of his hilt as he went, dropping them on the ground and taking the barest step backwards from them.
Shredder's eyes narrowed with confusion, regarding first Leon's blades and the young turtle himself. "You're back."
"Yeah, just because I wanted to-" Leon flinched as Shredder lunged again, the shudder that ran through the ground terrifying. "-You win!"
Shredder's claws froze an inch from Leon's face, twitching. If the demon leaned forward even a tiny bit more, the young turtle would've been impaled. Fear pulsed through his chest, and he mentally berated himself for shaking and letting the terror seep into his tone.
Calm, calm… Keep calm, Leo. As chill as Neon Leon, we can do this.
"Fine." Leon repeated, rolling his shoulders back and pulling himself up as high as he could. "You win." He met Shredder's eyes, forcing himself not to flinch at the claws twitched a little closer. Leon forced all of his emotions down to his feet, away from him. Force them away, tuck them away in the furthest corners of his mind, don't let it bubble up and overpower him.
It was easier to do it, here, in the void, where he already felt disconnected to reality, compared to the real world. No matter how hard his heart throbbed, Leon never could completely banish the ringing in his ears and the shaking of his knees like he could here. In this plane, it was easier.
Even Shredder was fooled, evident in the way his lip curled and his guarded face crunched with confusion. He still didn't lower his arm, and Leon didn't even feel the need to glance over to the spikes. No matter how close the spikes were branded, Leon's mind didn't register the threat, staring blankly ahead at Shredder.
"What?" Shredder hissed in disbelief
Leon found a lie tumbling out of his mouth, and, like with Moncrieff, found the words to say to make Shredder pause and fumble. "I give up." Leon made sure to punctuate each word. After Shredder's recovery from the simple confusion that small statement brought, he latched on fervently to what Leon said next. "I don't want to fight anymore. I'm sick of running for my life every single night."
Shredder's arm slowly lowered, but he thrust his face into Leon's, close enough that all Leon could see were his cold, menacing eyes. To Leon's credit, he didn't even flinch. "What is this? A trick? A trap?"
"No trick." Leon breathed, shoving the proper amount of desperation into his voice, arms curling around his plastron. He didn't allow his hands to overlap on the off chance he needed to bring them up to block quickly if Shredder actually did try to kill him. He was pretty sure he was wording things carefully enough that Shredder would hesitate until Leonardo showed up and realized just how hard Leon was lying.
The thing about villains was, no matter how much they wanted to win, they didn't want their victim to hand themselves over on a silver platter. They wanted whoever they were facing to suffer, to go through all five stages of grief before the villain ever laid their hands on them.
Bad people enjoyed watching their prey wither in pain, to hear them scream and curse. They didn't want their victims to be submissive for the sake of it, they wanted to feel like it was of their own endeavors.
Of course, they would still utilize the surrender for all it was worth. Shredder would still cling to Leon for all that he was worth, but he at least wouldn't kill him.
Above all, villains wanted power. Shredder wanted power over Leon, or, more aptly, Leonardo. He wanted to dangle Leon like a marionette and threaten Leonardo with his well being. 'See,' Shredder wanted to say, 'He fought. He screamed. He lost. He is mine. Watch what I do to him.'
The most twisted thing, Leon thought, was that villains were after personal gain. Yet they still knew how to twist their knife into innocent things to make the good guys, the heroes, falter. Instead of pursuing Leonardo, Shredder still put it as a priority to get his claws on Leon. Even in favor of any of Leonardo's brothers, Shredder's full attention had remained fully on Leon.
Leon remembered how terrified Splinter reacted when he learned why Leon hid his possession, even when compared to his brothers. Both parties had mourned, but Splinter had voiced his concerns and had panicked the loudest. Father and son, parent and child.
No guardian ever wanted to bury their kid. It was one of the cruelest, most horrendous things in the world.
Sure, Leonardo wasn't actually Leon's dad. That would forever and always only be Splinter's title. But Shredder didn't know that, and he acted on what he believed.
How could he know how painful it was to lose a child? Even Leon didn't know, the best he had was Splinter's reaction over him. It'd never cross Leon's mind to challenge someone's child if he was against them. He wouldn't go after Big Mama's assistant if he needed something. And yet Shredder would.
Why? Did Shredder watch his parents grieve over a lost sibling? Or did he lose a child?
Was he conscious enough when they lost Karai to feel the heartbreak? Was the child he lost even Karai? Was he even the one to kill her?
Leon shook it off. It wasn't worth thinking about Karai, or else his mind would wander too much, and he'd get distracted. He wasn't sure how badly he would panic in his current state, but it was best not to risk it.
Snapping back to reality, Leon squared his shoulders as subtly as possible, relieved that he hadn't broken eye contact with Shredder during his inner monologue. Shredder didn't even seem to realize Leon had zoned out, but the demon's hands reached out on either end of Leon, curling around his arms.
There went the blocking idea.
It was okay. He could save this. He could still save himself.
The reminder that Shredder thought that Leonardo was Leon's father gave Leon an idea, and he had to choke back the bubble of glee at the thought. The fact that the feeling rose up so quickly let him know that his control over his emotions was ending, and it wouldn't take long before his emotions to swoop back in one blow. Leon would start crying at any second, and that's when Shredder would know Leon was more afraid of the prospect of dying then he let on.
Actually, Leon could use this. If he could manipulate his own emotions to fall into place, and rather than holding them back, then he could manage the situation better than he currently was.
Leon was, for no real reason, already proud of the performance that was coming.
"Leonardo…!" He let himself sniffle, once, curling towards Shredder in a futile position, but kept his eyes as far up as they could go, falling on Shredder's pulsing, squirming heart. Gross. Of all the things to see… "My sensei… He's not coming back."
Shredder's claws dug into Leon's shell, and Leon could feel his arms shaking from the strain with which Shredder grabbed him. He was pretty sure his forearms were turning white, and he was gradually losing feeling in his fingertips.
"What?" Shredder snarled, breath hot against Leon's face. It was taking everything Leon could not to flinch back, trying to hide the fact that he was tilting on his heels. "Where is he?!"
"I don't know!" Leon sobbed, dredging up his fear, and, in a moment of inspiration, called back to his earlier meltdown in front of Splinter. What had he said, during his lowest moment? What had he revealed to Splinter to make him understand the agony that Leon had been carrying for as long as he could remember? He wasn't looking for sympathy from the Shredder, but his story had to be real enough for the demon to believe.
And if Shredder had enough access to his mind to whisper subliminal thoughts… Maybe he could feel Leon's insecurities, too, and could mold them to his desires.
"He doesn't want me anymore." Leon hissed, tasting the lie on his lips. Funny, not too long ago, he thought it was the truth when it came to his real father. And now he knew it was all a fallacy his mind had crafted up. "He knew you were in my head since day one, and he didn't even try to help!"
"You lie." Shredder scoffed, even as his grip loosened up, and he practically peeled his hands back from Leon. Leon barely managed to catch himself from tipping completely forward, and Shredder took a step back to watch him struggle. "He is coming for you, his pathetic offspring. He speaks too highly of honor to abandon his child."
"But he did!" Leon whined, casting his hands upwards. "He did! It wasn't worth trying again, and he won't risk anyone again!"
"You're lying!" Shredder seethed, claws gripping at the air, curling furiously.
"I'm not lying!" Leon lied, mirroring Shredder as he clutched the space in front of him. "He's gone!"
"Then what use are you?" Shredder snarled, breaking through the last of his confusion and reverting back to threatening as he loomed over Leon. His fingers ruled, his claws slowly protruding from his knuckles with a grinding sound that made Leon sick. "If you can't lure your pathetic parent here, then all you can do is die."
"Yeah." Leon deadpanned, his resolve strengthening, his classic snarkiness creeping back into his tone. "That's sort of what I've been saying." He felt the air tingle somewhere behind him, and he felt a surge of relief flash through his heart.
Leonardo was here.
What perfect timing, too. He was losing his grip on Shredder, and soon the demon would actually try to kill him. His success at circumvention was coming to an end.
Thankfully, with one last stroke of good luck, Shredder's attention remained locked on Leon, oblivious to the turtle that spawned nearby. "Why don't you just kill me, already? It's not like you're going-!"
Leonardo's foot shoved into Leon's shell, the oldest turtle using it as a stepping stool to boost himself into the air. Leon felt the breath get knocked out of him, but he straightened up regardless as Leonardo leapt up, helping get him further into the air.
Leon also got a good look at Shredder's face, dawning with horror as Leonardo suddenly filled his field of vision. A second later, he got a face full of feet as Leonardo delivered a series of kicks against his twisted mask, hard enough that both Leon and Shredder stumbled backwards.
When Leonardo landed on the ground again, the demon still recovering from the barrage of attacks, he fell into a roll. As he swept past Leon's swords, he snatched them up and jumped back up to his feet.
Shredder vanished, reappearing in front of Leonardo, one hand wrapped firmly on his wrist. His other fist extended, but Leonardo back flipped over the arm clenched around his. He twisted, using the close proximity to stab the katana in his free hand against Shredder's chest.
As always, the katana shattered instantly. They cut across Leonardo's skin, and the older blue turtle recoiled. He tugged frantically against Shredder's grasp as they slipped into his skin, and he withered with a snarl.
Leon felt his heart drop, his fear bursting back with a rush, and he dashed forward to help.
As he approached, Leonardo yanked a sword out of his sheath, using it to deflect Shredder's next attack. HIs grip on the hilt was faulty, too loose, and Shredder's blow may have successfully been knocked off course, but it also sent the sword flying.
Without thinking, Leon snatched the sword out of the air, fingers curling around the hilt with familiarity. He drove it towards Shredder's face, a snarl breaking out from between his lips.
Whether or not the blade would actually hurt Shredder was debatable, but the beast flinched back anyway, releasing Leonardo.
Both Leos jumped back before Shredder had a chance to recover, and Leon took the opportunity to size up the sword in his hand. From the weight alone, he could tell it wasn't a katana, but he hadn't even looked at it until now.
On the contrary, it was an odachi. Not his mystical one, for obvious reasons, but the regular one he had trained with when he was ten and trying to expand his fighting knowledge beyond his katanas. The training had come in handy when he eventually did get his mystic odachi, and he had all but forgotten that they still had the original odachi in their armory.
After two years of only using an odachi, it felt more familiar than his current katanas. Leon was rusty with them, if he was being honest, even though he was more trained with the duo blades.
Mentally, he thanked whoever had suggested the odachi as a suitable spare weapon for him. He already felt more comfortable facing off against Shredder, and he hadn't even realized his weapons were a source of his fear.
Leon glanced up from his sword as Shredder surged forward, barely managing to swing out of the way, his blade in one hand. Leonardo, who also dodged to the side with a jump, met Leon's eye over Shredder's shoulder as the demon barreled past.
Leonardo's gaze held none of the amusement, fond exasperation, or soft joy that Leon had grown accustomed to. Instead, his face was creased with horror, anger and fear dancing around each other, switching places on his face with each thud of Leon's heartbeat. Leon felt himself lean backwards, taken aback by the expression. What had happened between them last seeing each other that would make Leonardo look at him with such blatant dismay?
Before Leon could open his mouth to voice his confusion, Shredder disappeared again. He became perceptible again at Leonardo's side, one hand fastened around the katana's blade itself, and his other grabbing onto Leonardo's head and shoving him towards the ground. His gaze locked on Leon, and a growl started to break out of his throat.
Shredder got halfway through the motion before a flurry of orange and green came hurtling onto him. Shredder ricocheted, flying back several meters. Leon's head snapped to the side from the blow. His breath was shoved out of him in a rush, and he thought he heard something crack.
Michelangelo did a neat flip over Shredder's head, snapping his nunchuck chains over the beast's neck while he was still off-balance and pulling him against the ground, riding on his back for a split second before leaping up to land on the ground, trapping Shredder against the chains.
"Nice timing, MIkey!" Leonardo applauded his little brother, dashing over. Michelangelo looked up with a smile, his grip refusing to slacken even with his momentary distraction. The pressure of the nunchucks over neck made the demon, and by extension Leon, have to struggle to reclaim the breath knocked out of them. The chains dug painfully into their necks, and Leon could've sworn they would draw blood if pushed any harder.
Leonardo did a flip onto Shredder's chest, driving the second mystic katana into his chest. It shattered, but this time it looked like Leoanrdo managed to jump out of the way before they managed to cut into him.
"So…" Michelangelo bemused as Shredder screeched and clawed at the chains, back rising halfway off the ground in an attempt to free himself. He screamed bloody murder loud enough for Leon to wish Shredder actually had killed him, if only to spare him from having to listen to it. Michelangelo had to raise his voice in order to be heard. "What do we do?! Keep him pinned?!"
Shredder appeared to register how close Michelangelo was, reaching up and grappling with him for a second before managing to grab Michelangelo's head. WIth one jerk, Michelangelo careened through the air, directly into Leon and sending them both to the ground. The pressure on Leon's neck was gone, but now he and Michelangelo were tangled together.
Leonardo reached up to snag his own katanas out of their sheath, and it was only then that Leon realized that Leonardo was carrying two scabbards, one for the odachi and one for his katanas. Leonardo took a step back as Shredder lurched to his feet, switching into a battle stance.
Shredder snarled, lunging forward in the next beat, grabbing at Leonardo. Leonardo tried to dive under his grasp, but Shredder switched trajectory, finally getting used to the dodging. He snagged Leonardo before he could duck underneath him, jolting him right in front of him again. His hands twisted against Leonardo's forearms, grinding them together fiercely against Leonardo's chest.
"Not again!" Leonardo hissed from between his teeth, kicking against Shredder. Leon tried to kick Michelangelo off of him, but one nunchuck chain was still firmly wrapped around both of their arms, and it was bending Michelangelo at an odd angle whenever they flipped over each other.
A grinding noise slid through the air, and Leonardo hissed through his teeth, choking back a scream. He tried rotating his swords to properly stab at Shredder, but one katana got lodged between Shredder's blades instead, and wouldn't budge no matter how much Leonardo tried to struggle.
"Pathetic." Shredder snarled into Leonardo's face, keeping him an arm's length away. "What can you do now? Without Karai to rescue you, you're about as worthless as-!"
Raphael flung himself over Shredder's arm, curling around it and barely managing to avoid the spikes as he did. Shredder startled, twisting his head around to look at Raphael in surprise, and Leon couldn't bring it in him to wonder when he had arrived, just grateful to see him. Michelangelo used Leon's momentary pause to get his arm halfway free of the chains, making more progress then they had together.
Shredder released one of Leonardo's arms to shake Raphael off, sending him flying back towards Michelangelo and Leon. The older red turtle missed them by a couple feet, yanking out his sai and dragging it along the ground to keep himself from tumbling head-over-heels, lifting his head to glare frostily back at Shredder.
During Leonardo's momentary relief, he dropped his swords, one still dangling from Shredder's spikes and the other clattering against the ground. Leonardo reached up both hands to grab Shredder's wrist. In one clean move, despite the wince of pain he made every time he so much as twitched, he managed to flip himself entirely out of Shredder's grip and onto the opposite side of Shredder's arm then he had been.
Leonardo landed firmly onto the ground, keeping his own hold tightly around Shredder's wrist. Shredder jerked back to face Leonardo as he realized that his current victim had escaped. Before he could even start to implement a contrary move, Leonardo did a twist with his arms that sent Shredder into a body-slam. Shredder slammed into the ground and bounced a single time, and Leon jerked from the impact, choking on the air that gushed from his lungs.
Michelangelo's head bolted around to stare at Leon, eyes blown wide even as he managed to finally untangle them fully from each other, reclaiming his nunchucks. "Dude, are you alright?!"
"It's hitting harder." Leon admitted, breathing out a hiss as he shoved himself off of the ground, listing forward with a stumble. Michelangelo's arm shot out and caught him, giving him a gentle pull upright again. "Sorry. Just a little…" He tried not to sway as he lifted a hand to cradle his head, but it didn't do much good, and Michelangelo's hand fluttered against his arm before he managed to right himself.
"The. Shredder hits." Leon explained, not quite sure how to explain it above that. He lifted his gaze to trace Raphael crashing into Shredder, who was once again rising to his feet. Raphael steadily managed to drive him back and away from Leonardo as the blue turtle scrambled to snap up his katana again. "I don't know if I'm just aware of them more this time, or if you're all hitting harder, but I'm… Ow." Leon winced, glaring at Raphael as he kicked Shredder as hard as he could. For all of Shredder's effort to block the attack, it still hurt.
"Okay." Michelangelo reassured, peeking over his shoulder, too, nervously nibbling at his lip as he watched the battle. After a few minutes, he turned his attention back to Leon. "Just hang tight, dude! We already got him pinned once, we just need to do it again!"
"Yeah." Leon agreed, and peered down at his fingers and tried to ignore the jerk his leg made as Leonardo landed a particularly hard blow against Shredder's kneecaps. Yep, this was definitely worse than last time. "Can't wait to break my fingers! Heh…"
"Dude, that's a weird thing to get excited abou-!" Michelangelo snapped to attention as Raphael, again, skidded past them, flailing, hands raking at the ground. "Raph!"
"Mikey, I swear-" Raphael groaned, shoving himself up to his feet before Michelangelo could reach him. "We need help, we cannot hold Shredder off by ourselves." His gaze snapped over to Leon, glancing down at his odachi, and grunted under his breath. "And you stay here. Don't try to help."
He whipped around on his heel, following right after Michelangelo back into the fray. Leon's sword slowly lowered, the blade scraping against the ground. Frustration boiled in his chest, hated being side-lined like this.
Sure, yeah, he couldn't really do much as long as they kept beating on Shredder. Even standing still, flutters of pain bounced through his chest and multiple big ones left Leon gasping, one had pressed over his chest. Shredder couldn't teleport, either, not without the swords, which meant he was stuck fighting a three way battle between the older turtles, and would never actually reach Leon if the barrage continued.
Most of his and his brothers' counterparts' attentions were on trying to figure out how to tip over Shredder, or at least subdue him. Michelangelo's chains were too short to do much good other than wrap firmly around one arm and jerk Shredder to the side before the demon seemed to register the shift in balance.
The demon bellowed as his balance started to shift drastically, and he fixed his weight. He yanked Michelangelo off his feet, dragging him several yards across the ground as he twisted his weight, nearly tripping Shredder as Michelangelo spun by. Leonardo, at the same time, managed to finally pry free his katana from Shredder's spikes, tumbling off of his arm as fast as he could to avoid the chaos that was spewing around him.
Leon couldn't help but notice, even from a distance, how badly Leonardo's arms trembled, fighting back whatever Shredder had done when he had ground Leonardo's shoulders together. Leon tried to meet Leonardo's gaze, to see if he could get a visual confirmation that his older counterpart was okay, but the return look Leonardo gave him was still cold and unyielding.
Seriously, what had Leon done? Leon wracked his brain for everything he had said during his earlier panic attack but still couldn't remember anything discriminating. Had a brother said something after? What could they possibly have said to make Leon sound worse then when he had been panicking and actually had been at his worst?
What was going on?
Leon's attention briefly wandered from Leonardo as Mikey appeared beside him, slinging out his nunchucks. Mikey cast a curious glance at Leon's odachi, a smile blossoming across his face when he spotted it. Mikey gave a double-thumbs up before whipping around and running towards the fight. Leon's returning smile faltered and fell away the moment Mikey turned around, deflating into himself.
Mikey's nunchuck chains expanded, wrapping fully around Shredder, and he shortened the chains just enough to land firmly on the demon's back. He twisted the nunchucks, trying to switch up Shredder's course of direction.
Shredder bit out a snarl at the intrusion, grabbing Mikey around the middle and tossing him against the ground hard enough that the youngest bounced. Raphael turned to help Mikey, but Shredder slammed his forearm against Raphael's face, making him recoil. Blood oozed from where the chains on Shredder's arm had dug into his cheek.
Leonardo's head was grabbed a second later, and before he could squirm his way out, Shredder brought the oldest turtle down hard on Michelangelo. Both lay stunned for a second, which was enough time for Shredder to turn on his heel and march towards Mikey.
Leon sprung into action, bringing his odachi close to him as he fell into a run, getting a few steps closer with each step Shredder made.
Mikey's eyes locked on Shredder, terror slipping across his gaze, and the chains lit up on fire.
Shredder howled, and Leon screamed, the fire red-hot against their skin, boiling and prickling, leaching into them. Leon could smell flesh burning, but he couldn't tell if it was Shredder, himself, or both, and if he wasn't so busy trying to bellow out all his agony, he might've thrown up.
The blazing heat vanished as quickly as it had come, and Leon felt himself crumple sideways, wishing the ground was cold to pull away the heat that still pulsed inside. It felt warm, and prickly, and it still hurt, and-!
Leon hacked out a breath, raising his head as much as he could to see what was happening. Shredder was still covered with the chains, but the monster was pushing himself up from the ground, reaching for Mikey.
Mikey's eyes were glued on Leon, not Shredder at all, fear and worry intertwined in his expression as Leon met his eyes. Leon tried to get his arm under him, but it jerked and wouldn't let him rise, but Shredder was almost upon Mikey, and Leon couldn't move, Leon couldn't breath, he-
Raph's mystic form slammed into Shredder, trapping the demon beneath his palm. Shredder roared, but Raph's hand didn't even twitch, his mystic form's face taught and angry, fierce in a way that was so rare to see. "Leave my brother alone!"
Mikey scrambled away, eyeing Shredder fearfully before rounding his gaze back to Leon. "Leo!" He fretted, breaking into a run towards Leon.
"Keep him pinned!" Raphael bellowed, dashing over to Shredder and wiping away the last of the blood from his face.
Leonardo dragged Michelangelo to his feet, despite how he winced as Michelangelo pulled on his arm. The two separated, Michelangelo joining Raphael and yanking out his second pair of nunchucks as Leonardo skidded next to Leon as Mikey helped him sit up.
"I'm so, so sorry." Mikey whimpered at Leon, hands feather-light against Leon's blistering skin, trying to avoid the burns that made Leon whine deep in his throat and flinch away from him. "I didn't mean to-! I didn't think-!"
"It's okay." Leon hissed as Leonardo gave him a once-over and grabbed his hand, cradling it behind his. "You would've gotten hurt or killed if you didn't." That sure didn't make the burn wounds feel any better, but it did make Mikey relax slightly, so Leon claimed it as a victory, even as he adjusted so that Mikey stopped touching a burn mark over his arm.
"Ready!" Leonardo, still refusing to look Leon in the face or paying any attention to the conversation, called over his shoulder at Raphael and Michelangelo, who flashed back a thumbs-up.
Leon hissed in a breath as Michelangelo snagged one of Shredder's fingers in his nunchucks and jumped on top of Raph's mystic form's hand, dragging it up as Shredder screeched and broke out into what sounded like a flow of Japanese swears. From the look on the older turtles' faces, that's what it was.
Leon closed his eyes and dripped his head, holding his breath as he felt the pressure increase in his finger, starting to strain, and hurt, and the chains were digging into his flesh, drawing blood, and it was agony, but it wasn't fire anymore, and he had to remind himself of that fact. He wasn't burning anymore, he just could feel the leftover remnants, and it wasn't as painful, it was just pressure, and a dull ache, but he was fine. He had to be fine, it was okay, it was okay, why did his whole body hurt worse than his neck, he just wanted it to end-
It popped.
It was so much worse then the fire, it was so much worse, and his finger was screeching in pain, and it wasn't fair, it just wasn't, why did he have to hurt, why was it so painful, he didn't want to do this, he wanted to be able to be separated, he hated having the pain put on him when it wasn't his fault, he didn't do anything, why did he have this, why did he have to suffer, why was this on him, why was this his burden when he didn't deserve it, why did-
"Rin."
Leon's eyes blinked open, focusing momentarily on Leonardo's knees, and then they slipped close, trying to focus on Leonardo's voice instead of the agony that danced across his whole body, fire licking against his joints and pain flooding through his hand.
"Kyo. To."
His chest fluttered, Leonardo's energy flooding through him, and it penetrated the air, too, because the mind zone was him. It nuzzled through every inch of the place, but especially focused on Leon himself, and he sniffled in relief at the comfort of the feeling.
"Sha. Kai. Retsu." Leonardo hummed into the air, smoothing his fingers up and down Leon's hand, and in the background Shredder screeched in rage. "Zai. Jin. Zen." He went into repeating the chant, and Leon just leaned forward more and more, Mikey's grip starting to slip off him, and the pain was fading.
He was okay, he was okay, his energy was pulsing, and this time Leonardo wasn't focusing on something that wasn't him, it was just him, just him, he was fine, he was fine, the fire was gone, it was fading to a dull pulse, and he was fine, it didn't burn as much, he was safe, he was safe-
"Leo!" Raphael bellowed as the last of the pain faded from Leon's joints during the third chant, and Leonardo's attention drifted and the energy started to recede, no longer paying quite as much attention to Leon. "Shredder–! His finger looks fine!"
He wasn't safe. Why wasn't he safe?!
"What?" Leonardo barked back, starting to let go of Leon's hand as he pivoted around.
"I can't feel a break anymore!" Raphael continued, and Leon peered past, trying to ignore his pulsing heart in favor of watching the older red turtle grab Shredder's finger as the demon bellowed and cursed him.
"It's not working, we were wrong!" Michelangelo seethed, looking up from his perch. "We need to figure out something else!"
"That's not good." Leonardo groaned unnecessarily under his breath. "Are you sure?!"
"I can't hold this for any longer!" Raph warned, his mystic form glitching a couple of times, his large head looking between the two groups nervously.
"We're going, we're going!" Raphael repeated, desperately, reaching up to grab Michelangelo and pull him off of Raph's mystic arm. "Leo, it's not working!"
"You fools!" Shredder laughed as Raph removed his hand, exhausted after holding the form and having to shrink back to normal size, landing on the ground in a super-hero pose and hacking in a deep breath. "Did you really believe it would be so simple?!"
"Maybe a little?" Michelangelo squeaked, casting a desperate look at the Leos as Raphael stepped in front of him, holding out his arms and redirecting Michelangelo so that Raphael was before both him and Raph, sais flipped back into his hands. "Leo? Maybe now would be a good time to-!"
"Yeah, yeah, I'm pinching us out!" Leon hissed, frustration bubbling in his chest as he pulled back from both Mikey and Leonardo, leveling a glare at Shredder. This wasn't how it was supposed to go, but it had always been a possibility. They had just been so full of hope that it would work, that healing Leon wouldn't heal Shredder, that they could kill Shredder and move on, but of course it hadn't worked.
Nothing was working. Why wasn't anything working?
And now Leon had to suffer pain he didn't want, pain that wasn't even his, for even longer, and why had he been so hopeful for nothing?! They had talked like it would work, like this would work, guaranteed, but if it had…
Why even bother with the test?
Of course it didn't work. Of course it didn't.
Turtle luck was more of a curse of anything, and why had Leon expected anything different? Why had any of them expected anything different?
Leon reached down, pinched his hand, and felt the world crumple around him.