TW: Mentions of suicide. Vomit and panic attacks.

(:)

"How did it go? Are you boys alright?" Splinter fretted as Leon blinked his eyes open, pulling the small rag away from Raphael's cheek as the turtle groaned, nervously looking to each of his sons and their counterparts in turn.

"Ow." Michelangelo whined into the ice pack Donatello kept pressed against his face, taking it from his older brother and burying his face into it. "My kusarigama is not a leash!"

"Can someone relocate my shoulders?" Leonardo half-begged, arms still shaking as he stood up and tried to reach up to grab his shoulder, but his hand fell a few inches short. "…the adrenaline is gone."

"Holy chalupa, I didn't notice!" Donatello fussed, jumping away from Michelagelo to help. "So, details, how did it go?"

"Well." Raphael grunted, grabbing a pillow and burying his face into it. "It failed. Shredder healed."

"He… healed?" Splinter repeated, voice raising a few decibels as his gaze flickered to Leon. "Oh. My son."

"I know, Papa." Leon agreed, curling his arms around his abdomen. "What are we going to…? That was our last idea, and now we're back to zero."

"So that plan was a dead end." Donnie scowled, and Leon startled, head whipping around to stare at his older twin. He hadn't noticed Donnie sitting next to him, a bottle of burn ointment in hand. It made Leon feel warm that Donnie had been paying attention to him rather than anyone else. "But, Nardo, the good news is that we're hardly out of options. Possession is a common subject in religions across the world. We can also ask some of the mystic users we know for information."

"We are not asking Draxum." Leon snarled, an edge to his tone. "I'd rather die than tell him anything about this."

Mikey sighed, but didn't complain.

"We'll brainstorm and start looking into it more later." Leonardo decreed, massaging his freshly wrenched-into-place arms. "Don't blacklist anyone who can help. We'll ask friends back home to do research, too. Okay, if you got hurt in there, come here, and I'll do the healing hands."

Raphael, Michelangelo, and Mikey all shoved themselves to their feet to head over to Leonardo, grabbing his hands and circling around one another.

While Leonardo fell into a chant, Leon turned his attention to Splinter, who was looking as tired as he had been following their Shredder's defeat, and then to Raph, who stared at Splinter in worry. Ah, Raph had also picked up on Splinter's exhaustion. Which was rare. Raph was just not the type to pay attention to the little details, but it felt good to have some backup. Splinter would fight it.

Leon's heart cracked, wanting Splinter to stay, but… Splinter was older than them. He had sacrificed more energy than they had during the fight with Shredder, and he had some energy stolen when he almost died.

Splinter was tired. Although Leon wanted him more than anything in the world, he just… Splinter needed to "Go to bed, Pops." Leon interrupted his own thought process, frowning down at his father.

Splinter's head snapped up at the command, confusion written in his eyes. After a moment, boldness overtook him again and he shook his head. "No."

"Padre, com'n." Leon sighed, leaning forward over his arms. "You're exhausted. You haven't healed up enough, yet."

"You are tired, too, my blue." Splinter argued, stubbornly crossing his arms and blinking rapidly in an attempt to dispel his fatigue. "We need to decide what to do next. I can cash in some favors, and-!"

"You mean your child support claims from Draxum? And again, I don't want the dude anywhere near my mind. I don't care what Leonardo said, I'm definitely blacklisting him."

"Fair enough." Splinter admitted with an easy shrug but a nervous smile. "At very least, I can try to remember what was in my old scrolls, and can try-"

"Yeah, how'd they get destroyed, again?" Leon pressed, not expecting an answer and was not disappointed. "Look, Pops, we can talk more tomorrow, but you've got to go to bed. I'm going to make sure everyone else is, too."

Splinter's mouth opened, an argument on his lips, but Leon bulldozed over him. "I promise we'll wake you up before our next test or plan, or whatever. But everyone is exhausted and are all going to head to bed in a bit, anyway, okay?"

Leon ignored the pounding in his ribcage, the fear and anxiety building up. After tonight, after his heart had been trampled on so many times, his panic and worry at an all-time high, he didn't want to be alone. So many doubts swirled in his chest, and he needed someone to stay. But he didn't want to spend time with a conversationalist, as he wasn't willing to socialize and risk his heart being cut open again, but he did want company.

He needed to pretend that there was safety, even when the hope that he would make it out alive was crumbling around him. When Shredder got hurt, so did Leo. When Leo healed, Shredder was close to follow. They lived and breathed in sync, and they shared more than just a mind, at this point they were sharing a physical state, and Leo couldn't—

No matter how many kumquats he ate he couldn't trust himself—

Not again, not again, not ever again—

"Bold of you to assume I'm going to bed." Donnie announced, speaking over the wailing in Leon's head and calming the raging turmoil. From Donnie's expression, he hadn't even realized he had been doing anything, but Leon was so unbelievably grateful. "There's research to be done."

Leon was tempted to hug his older brother, but he reluctantly refrained. Donnie still, to this day, did not like

"Pops," Raph added, ignoring Donnie's stubborn rebellion as he scooted forward so that Splinter could see him and turned completely to face their father. "Leo's right. None of us will be any good for Leo tomorrow unless we rest now. Not just you, but everyone."

"You might not even try to fight Shredder again tomorrow." Donnie noted, frowning slightly at the wince that Raph and Leon made. Leon, especially, found himself deflating into himself. "Unfortunately, it's true. Without something more to test, or any other additional reasons to fight, there is no purpose to it, and it would just waste precious energy."

"But I'll feel so much better once you all sleep." Leon lied, only comforted by the reminder that Donnie, at least, would stay up with him, at least for a bit.

Splinter paused, looking to each of his three older sons in turn, and then cast an anxious look over his shoulder at Mikey and their counterparts, who Donatello was observing quietly. It sounded like Leonardo was wrapping up, so Splinter sighed. "Fine. I will go to bed at the same time as the rest of you."

Leon's resulting laugh was more like a soft, relieved exhale of air. He hadn't been expecting more, really. Besides, if everyone else dug in their heels at the mere prospect of sleep like Donnie had, then Leon and Raph could use the backup.

The conversation shifted again, away from matters of sleep to idle inquiries about each other's day, and Leon's amused huff died away until he stared blankly at a piece of wall beyond all of the turtles.

His mind wandered elsewhere, back to his dream realm, where Shredder had howled and seethed. Leon wondered if the demon was still raging under the surface. He wondered, though, over everything else, what everything looked like for Shredder. Since he appeared in Leon's dream state only after Leon entered, was it more like a cage while Leon was awake and active? Did Shredder have greater or more restricted access to Leon's mind while he dreamt?

Leon had so many questions, curiosity nibbling away at him, but he still hoped he'd never have to find out.

Unbidden, the reminder of Shredder's laugh crept into Leon's mind as the demon challenged their intelligence. Shredder had known it wouldn't work and that he'd be healed. Had Shredder known their plan before they even implemented it? Did he guess? Just how much was Shredder aware of in the void?

What if him healing along with Leon was a result of the energy he had stolen when Leonardo had healed Leon the first time? What if it was a consequence of Leonardo perusing Shredder during the healing hands ritual and attempting to drag him out?

What if it was permanent?

The ground below Leon echoed with footsteps, vibrating. He startled, back straightening but keeping his gaze locked on his knees. Shredder was still in his head. Leon knew that, but the pacing still made his heart twist nervously. Shell, was everything going to start causing a reaction out of him? Someone was just walking, and Leon panicked. First it was sudden touches, and now it was movement.

Wow, Leon, mazel tov. You were doing so well earlier, and now look at you.

Leon took a careful deep breath, reminding himself that he was not locked with Shredder, and was safe and out, for now, at least. The approaching feet stopped in front of Leon, and he paused, blinking at them in surprise. They hadn't joined the ongoing conversation but had come to approach Leon, instead? What was left to talk about?

"What is wrong with you?!"

Ah. Leon's rounded confused eyes up at Leonardo, brow furrowed in confusion. Leonardo glared back down at him, rage twisted his entire face. Leon blinked at him, looking from Leonardo's angry face down to his arm, shaking and clenched at his side. It looked like he was doing everything he could not to punch Leon, but…

Was he really bringing up whatever had irritated him now?

"...well, first of all, I dunno what you're talking about." Leon said slowly, eyes narrowing. Why couldn't he just hang out with Donnie, who hated opening up his heart as much as Leon did? Why couldn't everyone just hold off on all the emotional talks for tomorrow? "Ever heard of an opening sentence? You've got the hook down, but not the introduction to whatever is going on." He shoved himself to his feet, towering over Leonardo. "So, yeah, I'm going to need a few more details before I start listing off everything wrong with moi."

"Oh, please!" Leonardo seethed right back. The older turtle's hands reached up to clutch at the air in front of his face, lowering slightly as his face pinched with anger. "You can not pretend that I didn't see what happened in there! Because I saw it, you know I did, but why would you just-?! We said we were going to-! So why-?!"

"What?" Leon balked, tempted to reach out and shake Leonardo's shoulders like he had done to Mikey and Donnie in the past. He had a feeling that he'd get slapped for it, though, so he didn't. "What did you see?! I don't know what you're talking about!"

Leonardo breathed out a hiss, eyeridges furrowing as he stared down at Leon. "Get out." He snarled at everyone else in the room, tilting his head to indicate that he was talking to them, but his eyes never left Leon's.

Nobody in the room moved an inch towards the doorway, settling for awkward shuffling as they all debated whether to listen and leave or try to diffuse the situation. Leon hoped they chose the latter, he desperately did not want to get into another fighting match today. He was so tired.

"Leo." Donatello chided, surprisingly edging forward first, instead of Raphael, hand hovering over Leonardo's shoulder. "What's going on?"

"Donnie, not right now!" Leonardo snarled, finally breaking eye contact with Leon to smack away Donatello's hand. "This isn't-!" He paused for a brief moment, managing to take a sharp, inhaling breath, but didn't lower his hand. "Look. You should all just leave! Now isn't the time for any of this!"

The sympathy faded from Donatello's face, and he scowled at his older brother, rubbing the back of his hand. His eyes drifted from Leonardo's face to his shoulder, and wrinkled in his nose in blatant frustration. "Well, I think I can say with absolute certainty that this is the last time I'll relocate your arm for you." He exchanged an agitated look with Raphael, Michelangelo peering over both of their shoulders with a glare at Leonardo.

"Leo." Michelangelo mused, taking a step beyond his brothers to lean forward. "You're acting like it's space all over again."

"It's not anything like space." Leonardo hissed, and Leon was suddenly invested in the conversation again. They had gone to space? "I'm. Sorry, I shouldn't have snapped and called attention to it like that. This is not something any of you should be here for, and that isn't me being frustrated, it's true."

Raphael rolled his eyes at Leonardo harder than Leon had ever seen even Donnie do, tucking an arm around Mikey absent-mindedly. Mikey shifted in surprise, looking up like he was expecting Raph, and then had to readjust to face Raphael instead.

"Fine." Raphael grunted, rotating Mikey and Donatello around to face towards the doorway and giving them a tug in the proper direction. "Let's go and leave them be."

Even as Raph led Mikey out of the room, the youngest turtle cast a nervous look back at Leon. His thumbs up was encouraging, but his smile was shaky and made Leon wilt. If even the optimist was worried, then the last remnants of hope that Leon didn't even know he had fell away.

"I'm not going anywhere." Donnie snapped, wrapping an arm around Leon and shrugging him close, becoming unusually physical. Once again, Leon felt a surge of relief at his brother's stubbornness. "Whatever you want to say to him, you can say it to the both of us. In fact, I don't care if you-! Hey! Raph, put me down!"

"Sorry," Raph apologized as he draped a squirming Donnie over his shoulder. "But I don't think any of us want to be in the middle of whatever… this whole situation is." Raph gestured aimlessly at the air between Leon and Leonardo, mostly ignoring Leon's pleading aside from a small apologetic smile. Leon felt betrayed. "But, uh, be nice to him?"

Leonardo lifted his head slightly in acceptance, but didn't verbally respond as Raph dragged Donnie out of the room. Michelangelo hesitated, but followed them out, too, his footsteps slow and cautious as he retreated.

At very least, Splinter remained behind, standing partially between Leonardo and Leon. He looked back and forth between the two blue turtles, wringing his hands anxiously. Leonardo looked like he was trying hard not to redirect his frosty glare down at Splinter, instead, lips set in a straight line.

"I do not know what is going on." Splinter said, lightly, staring at each Leo with confusion and worry. "And Blue doesn't know what you're talking about, either. Do not act in anger, Big Blue."

Leonardo's jaw set with an audible click. After a beat, his expression smoothed over, his eyes far too calm to be genuine as he glanced down at Splinter. "Sensei, can you just… Give us a minute? This is between Other-Leo and me. It's not something I want any of you to hear, and you probably shouldn't, anyway."

Splinter frowned, looking helpless for all of three seconds, before he deflated. "Alright." He agreed, to Leon's growing horror and desperation. "I will respect your privacy." He started to move, but paused long enough to pay Leonardo's hand. "Be gentle, he's had a rough day."

Leonardo's nose wrinkled, but he didn't protest to the request. Leon couldn't help but notice that he didn't promise that he would be gentle, and that was almost what pushed Leon to the edge.

As it was, though, as Splinter left them behind to nothing more than the quiet trickle of water dripping from pipes and the beeping of their few unbroken arcade machines above, Leon took the spare second or two to ground himself. Nobody was going to help him get out of this. It was just him and Leonardo, and a growing sense of panic and desperation clawing at his chest.

Yay.

Maybe it was almost time to have another kumquat. That would explain the pangs in his head that crawled and itched, and the gradually increasing urge to leave the room. But nerves explained the same list of symptoms, too.

Leonardo, naturally, was the one to break the silence. His arms still shook, and he gripped his forearms in an attempt to quell his shudders. All his irritation and anger was gone from his voice as he spoke, fading into strong, blazing confusion and fear. "You knew we were coming for you."

Leon blinked, surprised. It wasn't exactly a question, but Leonardo was quiet as he waited for Leon to respond. His eyes watched Leon with concern, and his arms curled closer against his chest. He looked seconds from shattering.

"Of course I knew." Leon said at length, trying to sound reassuring but only winding up with shock in his voice. Was this about him pinching them out prematurely? Snapping them from his mind before they could even arrive? He hadn't realized it would hurt them, but even if he had known, he was so blinded with fear he probably would've, anyway. Was Leonardo expecting an apology? "Look, I'm sorry for pinching you all out before you could get there. I wasn't thinking straight, but now I know better."

"What?" Leonardo balked. "No, that's-!" He paused for a few seconds, brow furrowing with frustration. He steepled his fingers and closed his eyes. "Let's… try a different angle!" He groaned into the empty air, then blinked his eyes open. "Look, I heard what you said to Shredder!"

Leon frowned, raising an eye ridge as an invitation to continue.

"You told him to kill you!" Leonardo exploded, waving his hands desperately in the space between them.

Leon had to take a step back to avoid the flailing, eyes wide with surprise. He… hadn't been expecting that. And it felt underwhelming compared to anything else. The fear that ate away at his brain, that clawed at him and whispered horrible thoughts and suggestions into his ear, felt so much more powerful than the deceleration that Leonardo had just made.

"Oh." Leon said, unable to think of anything else to add. Leonardo glared at him, daring him to continue and breach the topic some more, but Leon's eyes slipped to the side. His gaze struggled to find purchase on anything else, wanting to focus on something aside from Leonardo's glaring face.

He thought he saw Donnie's face peering around a corner, but his brother was gone before he could get a good look at him. Eavesdropper. He had a strange feeling that Leonardo was already aware they were being listened to, but his older counterpart seemed to be having the attitude of 'jack all' at the moment, and honestly, Leon didn't care, either. There was nothing worth being discussed.

"Is that all?" Leon found himself saying, bringing his attention back to Leonardo and finally finding something else worth saying. He jutted out his hip and crossed his arms, hoping it was enough of a careless position that Leonardo waved off the whole conversation.

Of course, Leonardo only looked angrier. "Is that-?! Is that all?!" Leonardo spluttered back, and Leon realized that he wasn't just angry, but livid and agitated. Leon felt like he had messed up somewhere, but for the life of him, he couldn't figure out when. Sue him, it was late, his social battery was already powering off until he could charge it, and all his people skills were out the window and not even acting could save him.

Only fun times in the Hamato-Jitsu-Splinterson household.

"I can't do this anymore!" Leonardo gasped after a few beats, pivoting on his heel and striding away a few steps towards the nearest hallway. He paused almost immediately and marched back, jabbing a finger into Leon's chest. "No! You know what, you might not see a problem with it, but this is a real issue!"

"Dude, how?" Leon balked, shoving away his hand. It had just been simple manipulation. That's all it had been! If it was a touchy subject for Leonardo, then he should've said as much. Leon didn't know what made Leonardo tick - or maybe not tick, in this situation - and he felt like he couldn't be blamed for not knowing.

Leonardo inhaled sharply, and took a step back, running a hand along his head. He was clearly struggling to react calmly, but he was still irritated, and it was showing through his mannerisms. "Look." Leonardo grunted, his tone adopting a sharp edge. "Being suicidal is a very big issue!"

Leon's head screeched to a stop like a record player. He could almost hear it.

Something broke far behind them, and a quiet curse rang through the following silence. Leonardo didn't even flinch, his expression maintaining a firmness that made Leon recoil.

"…what?" Leon whined.

Leonardo took in Leon's stricken face, and something seemed to register, because his own expression softened and his shoulders lost all their tension. "Did you not know? I thought you would realize-"

"There's nothing to realize!" Leon interrupted, his mind running rampant as he tried to categorize how Leon had reached that conclusion. "When did you-?! How did you-?! What are you talking about, I'm not-! What?!"

"I heard you!" Leonardo pressed, reaching up to seize Leon's shoulders. His arms trembled, and Leon's gaze flickered to the side, nervous about the sudden proximity. "You told him to kill you! You had just… given up! And you knew we were coming, too! There was no reason to just… give up!"

"Oh." Leon whispered, the implications and memory hitting him all at once. "Oh! No, no! That wasn't me-! I wasn't trying to-!" He hadn't even thought about how it would look from Leonardo's perspective, and his heart dropped right to his feet as he imagined it. Watching someone you had come to protect just… give themselves up, and ask their assailant to 'do them in'?

He could feel something nasty in his throat, and he slammed his mouth shut, the inside feeling sickeningly dry. No wonder Leonardo had been on edge. Leonardo had to line it out before any of the details started to make any amount of sense.

"I'm. So sorry." Leon apologized, tucking his hands under his arms and trying to step away. Leonardo's grip held tight anyway, his eyes hardened at Leon's wilting expression. "I didn't realize-! I didn't-! I'm not suicidal, honest!"

"But you told Shredder to go ahead and-!"

"I know!" Leon's arms burst out of their self-hug to grab the space around his head and yanked his hands down to the area between them. "I know what I said! But that wasn't me trying to-! I didn't know that's how it would look, I was just…. Doing it! That's my whole MO! That's what I do, but I didn't think that you would-!"

"Then what was that?!" Leonardo half-begged, finally taking a step back to give Leon space, regarding him with worried eyes.

"I was manipulating him, I swear, that's all it was, I wasn't planning to-!" Shell, Leon felt like he was going to throw up. This whole situation was wrong, it felt far too sour to be real, and a fearful bubbling rose up in his chest. If Leonardo thought that he wanted to… to… Did his brothers…? Did everyone else…? Shell, shell! "It was just reverse psychology, I swear, I swear!"

He was floundering, hands shaking hard enough that he tried to expel some of the nerves by shaking them. Instead, they only seemed to vibrate harder, and a whimper squeezed out from between his lips.

Shell, shell, this was exactly the thing he wanted to avoid. He didn't want to deal with this, he just wanted to find somewhere warm to nestle, he wasn't ready for pain today. He didn't want to hurt, he didn't want to feel the pang in his chest every time he moved. It hurt, it hurt. He couldn't get rid of it, he couldn't—

Something gurgled, building up through his throat, and Leon pivoted on his heel, jerking away from Leonardo. He ducked towards the moat surrounding the atrium, barely managing to collapse to his knees before everything turned on its head.

The bile came first, turning his mouth impossibly numb, and then everything else came. It was raw, and disgusting. Everything bubbled out, splattering across the already mucky sewer water. Leon tried to scream past the vomit, but all it succeeded in doing was make him choke.

He retched again, choking and screaming against his throat, trying not to cry over it. His head was screeching in agony, and Leon wanted nothing more than to lose consciousness. He didn't even know he had eaten enough to warrant this, but he coughed, trying to get the vomit out of his throat quicker. His fingers curled against the ground, acid burning against his tongue.

Leon retched, more bile spluttering out from between his wet lips. It dribbled down his chin and into the water below, hot tears spilling down his cheeks. His throat tugged painfully, already raw from screaming, but he tried to ignore it, he really did, but it wasn't working. His lungs were refusing to open so he could breathe, and every inch of Leon felt like it was on fire, and he couldn't, he couldn't…!

His mind burned a little too much at some point, wandering into the unknowns, into the darkest depths he could reach without being plagued by Shredder. He doubted he lost consciousness, since he didn't know if he even could safely, and his eyes remained open, staring blankly at the rapid-running water.

Those moments, where he was alone with only raging emotions, thoughtlessness, and vomit dripping down his chin, were in competition for some of the worst of his life. In the shell of isolation his panicked-induced mind made for him, he felt truly alone.

(:)

By the time he blinked back to awareness, it felt like it had taken hours, but it couldn't have been more than half a minute. If only because Leonardo had only moved enough to crouch halfway behind him to pound his chest, in an effort to be helpful.

Nobody had come to help, either, and Leon knew at least Donnie had been listening in, but he had suspicions that everyone else had been, too. And his retching was absolutely loud enough for all his brothers to hear, though nobody had come running yet. He wondered why, didn't they love him?

Of course they did! They just…

He didn't know!

"I'm sorry." Leonardo hummed soothingly as he rubbed circles into the back of Leon's shell, his voice cutting through the fog that was Leon's mind. Leon couldn't see his face, but he could just assume it was one of pity. Leon just… Didn't want to deal with it.

Leonardo pretended not to notice as Leon continued to choke on the vomit, struggling to expel it all. A coughing fit wracked his body instead, bile slipping onto his tongue and through his teeth, dripping past wheezing lips. It was disgusting, it tasted vile, and it was agony. Leon could feel all the pressure of the day, of the week, weighing down on him, and he just wanted it to stop.

He wanted Shredder to leave, for Shredder to die, so Leon could feel normal again, so he could face everyone with a smile and without dissolving into a panic attack. Off the top of his head, he could count three that he had experienced today alone, and the longer Shredder was in his head, the worse he could feel it becoming. This was only a taste of what was to come, and Shredder wasn't close to being out.

"I shouldn't have pushed you like that." Leonardo's voice was far away as he continued, and Leon struggled to listen, but he still felt like he was coughing up a lung and his attention was divided. It hurt. It hurt so much. "I panicked, but that's not an excuse. I should've been more rational about it. I didn't mean to hurt you."

Leon coughed, bringing up his hand to wipe at his mouth. Trying to clean himself felt futile, especially since he felt like more vomit was still going to spill out at any minute. He twisted halfway around to face Leonardo, gaze slipping past his older counterpart to look at the doorway.

He felt a mix of surprise and pleasure at the sight of all his brothers and Splinter huddled at the entrance way. They weren't even peeking around the corner like they were trying to hide, they were standing in full view of everyone, hands wrung nervously in front of them. Only Donnie remained with his hands at their sides, but even with the distance, Leon could see how badly they were shaking trying not to clench into a position that matched their family's.

His heart felt warm that they were lingering close enough to help if need be, but they were giving him space so he wouldn't feel smothered. He loved them so much.

And they loved him, too.

"It's… okay." Leon reassured, reaching out to pat Leonardo's shoulder. He started to use the leverage to pull himself to his feet, but almost immediately deflated against the ground. Leonardo reached out his hand to stop him from collapsing. "I get… It looked awful. I shouldn't have just… Leonardo, I'm so sorry! I didn't mean to make you think-! And I shouldn't have-!"

"It's fine. I should've guessed that you would…. I'd never do anything like that, but that's…" Leonardo eye ridges furrowed, and he left the leg that was propped in front of him fall so that he could lean closer to Leon and tug him halfway into a hug. "We're different, you and me. You'll do things that I wouldn't risk, and… That's okay."

Leon let himself be pulled, nestling the side of his head against Leonardo's shoulder. He felt awful, horrified by what he had done to Leonardo's psyche. He had thought he had warned them about the manipulation, he thought he had told Leonardo before they all left the room.

Was he wrong? Did they not understand?

He could only half-remember Donatello questioning his choice of wording, but it made Leon wonder if none of them had picked up on his meaning. Donnie and Mikey probably hadn't explained it, but Leon frankly didn't know if it would cross their minds to explain.

"Are you okay?" Leonardo asked cautiously, his eyes still glazed with tremors of fear. It haunted Leon, terrified him to his core, because it looked like he still thought that Leon was fully braced to kill himself at a moment's notice, which wasn't true, he was fine, he was fine, fine fine-!

Then again, Leon had never thrown up from nerves before. Occasionally, when he was sick, he could spend up to an hour next to the toilet in misery. But from his own emotions getting the better of him? Never. He had always managed to force it down, until he could break down crying in the privacy of his room, wondering when he would ever be enough.

Of course, he had trained himself to listen for his family's footsteps even over the tears so that when they passed by he could smother his own sobs and they would never know. But today had broken every emotional boundary he had ever made for himself and then some.

How many more boundaries would be broken until this was over? How many more times would Leon find himself flayed open, his agonies and insecurities laid out like a vivisection for his family to observe?

And yet, for all the while, they were unable to lay a single. Finger. On. Shredder.

Leon was going to die like this, wasn't he?