Caesar. I hated the man. I hated what he caused Xena to become. Yet, I knew without her being who she was, she might not ever have fought for the greater good. It was that double-edged sword. It was that slippery slope.
When word was received that a man fighting Caesar for all he was worth, we knew we had to rescue the man. And we had to weaken Caesar at the same time.
I shiver at the name Caesar. If it weren't for him, we wouldn't have died on the cross. We wouldn't have had to fight the levels of hell just to return to the living. There are so many reasons to hate Caesar. But that what this adventure did to me, took from me…
Both Xena and Eve are here at the table with me. The warrior princess is making arrows for the hunt and Eve is like me. She is writing her own journals of her life. I hope I get to read them one day.
Both look up nearly at the same time. They can feel the tension riling off my body. I can't help it. Caesar will do that to me. And this adventure…
I did something I never thought I could do. I allowed a man to be executed. It wasn't as if Crassus wasn't guilty of many crimes in his life. It wasn't as if he hadn't caused many a death. And he didn't care.
But still, I allowed a man who I had proof of who was to be killed. Xena, gods how I love her, would say it was on Caesar as he knew who Crassus was and allowed for the execution to continue. Eve would probably say the same thing.
Eve would also say that I had to forgive myself. To allow myself to be loved. And to let the word of Eli heal me. But in this case, I just can't.
How many seasons later and I can't, nor will I, forgive myself for Crassus' death. I will accept Caesar's role in it. But if it weren't for me not speaking up…
I take a deep breath before continuing. My two girls look at me. Xena knows I'm not ok, but that I have to continue writing these scrolls. It's not just for you readers. It's so I can heal maybe a little at a time.
WHEN IN ROME
Gabrielle hated adventures that had to do with Caesar. There was something about the Roman that brought out the worst in her soulmate. It was like he was her ultimate weakness.
This one was no exception as Xena had rescued Crassus from his fate. He was needed, according to the warrior princess, to free Vercinix.
The bard had to hurry Xena along as the captain of the boat would not hold the ship for long. Gabrielle didn't want to be doing this, but one man's life was at stake. One who could help oppose Caesar for seasons to come.
The boat ride was a long one. Gabrielle had to take care of Crassus. It was better than being topside where her seasickness seemed to be the worse.
Did Gabrielle hate Crassus? If he was connected to Caesar then yes. Anything connected to the Romans was to be feared or hated the way she saw it.
What was a triumvirate? A trio of warlords. Caesar, Pompey and Crassus. It was a tentative alliance at best according to Crassus.
As Gabrielle listened to Xena's description of the triumvirate, she couldn't help but be reminded of a young Destroyer of Nations and Borias. It was always about power. Though instead of hate, there was a love between Xena and Borias. Gabrielle would never deny that, even though it hurt sometimes.
The imperial ring of Rome. Gabrielle believed Xena over Crassus. This was not about an assassination attempt on Caesar. This was about freeing Vercinix. He was needed to continue to fight for the people of Gaul.
Crassus was right about one thing. Xena's, in the past, judgment had been impaired around Caesar. But that was the past. This was about one thing and one thing only. This was about freeing Vercinix.
Gabrielle tied Crassus below as it was time to pay Caesar a visit. The arrival of the bard and Xena shocked Caesar into a bumbling idiot momentarily.
Pompey. The third man of the triumvirate. He was the Magnus short for magnificent. The Romans were all full of themselves and looking for power.
It was now time to talk about trades. Vercinix for Crassus who Caesar wasn't even certain was alive or not. How would he not be killed? Gabrielle would remain until they returned. As long as the Romans had her bard Xena would not kill the Roman leader.
It was an interesting stay. Gabrielle was grateful when it didn't last longer than it did. Pompey continued to attempt to gain information from her. The bard, for the most part, maintained her silence.
Back on the boat, the plan was to begin. It would move fast, according to Xena. Gabrielle realized the plan hitched on whether or not she could get Crassus in the cell. The pressure was on her.
But was there more to the plan than to get Crassus in the cell and switching him for Vercinix? Xena asked Gabrielle not to doubt her at this moment. That she needed to keep the faith.
And what was to happen to Crassus if Caesar didn't free him? Death. Could Gabrielle live with that? After all, Crassus wouldn't be in the position if it weren't for the bard.
The story of how Crassus strung up over one hundred men, women and children of the village of Gardenis had an effect on Gabrielle. But did it still make it right that the man be put to death?
Xena was off scouting. It left Gabrielle alone with Crassus. Did Xena leave her in the dark at times? When they were first traveling together, she did. But now she did not.
Crassus attempted to persuade Gabrielle that Xena was leaving her in the dark. That he was a warlord who would not tell his men everything that happened. There would be a mutiny if they knew.
What about Gardenis? Crassus claimed it was regrettable the innocent people were murdered. That he was away and the soldiers responsible were crucified.
But Gabrielle trusted Xena. While it sounded good, there was no way a warlord who was out to save his own skin could be believed.
Sadly, Gabrielle fell asleep. The next she knows Xena was having to rescue Crassus as he attempted an escape. The bard startled begged her soulmate not to kill him. But there was no need. He was too valuable alive.
Xena handed Gabrielle a key. It was to both cell doors. There was to be no trade after all. The bard felt sick as she now knew that death was most likely eminent for Crassus. And it would be because she failed to speak up.
Gabrielle couldn't not think that it was her fault. Yet, Xena appeared so casual about a man's death. But it was according to her focus. Focus on saving a good man, even if it was at the cost of another man.
No matter what Gabrielle was in this for the long-haul. She always would do what Xena said in the end. But there was a little part of the bard that was dying inside.
Crassus made a run for it the first place that Gabrielle paused for a break. Could she have let him go? No. Not because Xena said so. But because the bard had made a promise. Because this was becoming about the greater good.
Besides, there was one thing that Gabrielle could do that Xena didn't say she couldn't. She could leave the imperial ring on Crassus before she and Vercinix left. People were always underestimating the bard. Even Xena at times.
After drugging Crassus, it was easy to play like they were drunk. That she couldn't take it anymore. It worked like a charm and both Gabrielle and the imperial warlord found themselves in one of the two cells.
Once in the cell and the soldier had left, Gabrielle called out to Vercinix. It was time to inform him of the plan. How they were going to walk out of there the next day.
Gabrielle remained hidden as Xena was brought to the cells by Caesar himself. Vercinix would see the blocking chop in the morning. But first, the warrior princess would be the opening act.
The plan was beginning as Vercinix called to the guard. It was easy to switch Vercinix with Crassus as the warlord remained out from the concoction Gabrielle had given him earlier.
Now that Xena was the main attraction, it was time to get out of there. Vercinix would wait by the horses while Gabrielle made certain the warrior princess saw her in the crowd.
But first, Gabrielle was going to put the imperial ring upon Crassus' finger. That way the guards would know him. That was until Vercinix confirmed what Xena had told her. Crassus was indeed a mass murderer.
Gabrielle couldn't believe what she hadn't done. If she had only slipped the imperial ring on Crassus' finger, she wouldn't have had to watch him beheaded. She could have just met Xena and Vercinix. But that would have been the easy way out.
Xena attempted to take the blame. But Gabrielle had a choice once her soulmate said that it didn't matter whether Crassus lived or died. The bard had played judge, jury and executioner.
It was that double-edged sword. If Xena had found a way to do it without Gabrielle, the bard would have been hurt. And yet, she was hurt anyways by the decision she had made.
It didn't matter that Xena put her in an impossible situation. It was the price of being the warrior princess' soulmate. Of always fighting for the greater good.
At least Xena realized exactly what had been done. She realized how her decisions had affected Gabrielle. There was nothing more need be said except that they loved one another.
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Xena couldn't believe she was fighting to save Crassus. But he was needed. If not, she would kill him and have done with it.
It was time to get them on the boat after all there would be one army or another on their trail at any moment. It wouldn't do for someone other than them to have Crassus. The trade for Vercinix would never go through. And yes, Crassus would have a front row seat.
It was easy for Xena to tell what a triumvirate was. Had there been another associated with Borias and herself it would have been a triumvirate, especially in the end. It became merely about who had more power than the other.
After putting the pinch on his finger, Xena was able to retrieve the imperial ring. It would prove that they had Crassus. It would enable the trade for Vercinix to go through.
Then Crassus attempted to turn it into something it was not. This was only about saving Vercinix. It wasn't about assassinating Caesar.
Xena knew why Crassus was saying what he was. Partly because in the past it would have been true. Mostly it was because he was attempting to soften Gabrielle who had complete and total faith in her soulmate.
It was time to surprise Caesar. The reappearance of a ghost had the warlord stuttering. Xena loved how her reappearance had Caesar unbalanced.
Pompey the Magnus. Xena made note of the man as he was probably somebody that they would have to face once this trade for Vercinix was made.
Xena threatened to send over a finger the next day. She would get more creative if the trade was not made. But first, she needed to take Caesar to Crassus. The difficult part was leaving Gabrielle behind. Not that her bard couldn't take care of herself but being with the Romans…
A little party? Xena shuddered at the thought. It meant being around Caesar and this new man Pompey. Any Romans for that matter.
It was time to do the scouting now that Gabrielle was safe upon the boat once again. It was imperative that her bard make the switch. Caesar wasn't going through with the trade. Vercinix had become too valuable to him.
It hurt, in a way, when Gabrielle started asking if that was all there was to the plan. Her bard needed to have faith in her. As far as Xena was concerned, the only one in danger was Crassus. And that was up to Caesar whether he lived or died.
Her bard was the heart of the pair. It was a difficult position for Xena to be placing Gabrielle. This was the way it would have to be.
As for a man, Crassus was no man. Not with the hundreds of innocent men, women and children the warlord had crucified after the village of Gardenis had surrendered without a fight.
Xena was brought in with all the pomp that Caesar loved to display. When Caesar said why bother bringing in Vercinix at all when he was to be freed, the warrior princess knew that her shift in plan was the only way to go.
Pompey made his way to Xena. She didn't like him. Her answer caused him to like her. Don't. She was not a likeable person. Nor was any Roman. Nor was one to be trusted. There was no way she would forge an alliance with Pompey. The only one she would be partnered with was her soulmate.
Quietly, Xena informed Vercinix of who she was. That it was his wife that had sent her. That his wife and children were safe.
Caesar interrupted. He made his play for Xena. The warrior princess' response to the last part of love? She had to go to the bathroom.
When Xena returned to the boat, Crassus had escaped. It was easy to capture him once again. It would have been easy to let him die, but he was only valuable to them alive.
Xena handed the key to Gabrielle. The one that would open both cells. It was a duplicate. They would have to hurry. The gladiatorial fights were moved up and the execution would most likely to follow.
Did the plan change? Not the way Xena had it planned. It just was moved up. The fact that Crassus now had to die was all on Caesar. But Gabrielle would have to place him in harms' way. The warrior princess wished there was another way.
Poor Gabrielle. Xena could see what this was doing to her soulmate. The arguments against doing it. Yet, in the end, her bard decided she would play her part.
Xena knew the moment Pompey approached her he was attempting to partner with her once again. The knife was a gift. The information was what the warrior princess suspected.
Caesar wasn't about to go through with the trade. What's more, he was after Gabrielle. It was becoming a very dangerous game they were playing. Timing would be everything.
It was easy making Caesar think he had the upper hand. If she had wanted him dead, she could have. But it was about being captured and put in a cell with Vercinix. Plus, there was the distraction of her fighting in the ring.
Gabrielle tossed her the key. It was time to make the switch. The guard was easily knocked out and took the place of Crassus while Crassus took the place of Vercinix.
Xena was taken to the ring. She knew she had to put on a good show. That was until Gabrielle was spotted. Then it was take no prisoners.
After the fight, Xena's first thought was to find Gabrielle. First, she had to check on Vercinix. He remained in the guard's outfit. They were to meet at the stables. The warrior princess wouldn't be able to relax until the trio was on a boat out of Rome.
Now it was time to comfort Gabrielle as well as she could. It wasn't one of her many skills, except when it came to her bard.
If she had to do it again, Xena wouldn't have placed Gabrielle in the position she had. But then, her bard would have been hurt. There was that double-edged sword.
What was there left to say? The only thing that could even somewhat help. That they loved one another. And attempt to get on with the next adventure.
()()()()()()()()()()()()()
It was a long and quiet trip back to Gaul. Once they had reunited Vercinix with his family, they continued on their way to Greece.
It was a little inn that the pair were staying at. Gabrielle had just finished telling stories for their supper. Xena had paid with some of the money that remained from the taking of Titus for the room they now were in.
The pair lay on the bed in their night shifts. Gabrielle was sound asleep. Yet, she didn't feel relaxed to the warrior princess.
That was when her bard began to mumble in her sleep. Xena couldn't believe her ears. It explained everything. At least as far as how Gabrielle had made it to Chin before the warrior princess. Ares.
There was also how Gabrielle felt guilty about what had just happened in Rome. Her guilt was overwhelming her even in her sleep.
Then there was the betrayal with Hope. So much guilt held in one body. There was something Xena could do about it. But would her soulmate go for it?
There was only one way to find out. For now, Xena would merely hold onto her wife. She would hold onto her and love her like there was no tomorrow.
That's when hands began roaming. Xena had been in such deep thought that she didn't realize Gabrielle was awake. It was startling that the warrior princess could lose her ability to know her surroundings. It was dangerous as well.
"Thank you for letting me sleep." Gabrielle had hated to sleep. The nightmares were getting worse. Everything in the past she had done wrong kept repeating. It was as if she were being punished for all the bad things.
"You haven't been sleeping much. You needed it." Xena kissed the top of her bard's head. "I was just grateful to be able to hold you."
Hands continued to roam. "Xena, after what happened, I need to feel good." Gabrielle kissed neck that was so conveniently close to her. "Make love to me. Please."
Xena's breathing had picked up. Especially when one of her soulmate's hands cupped her sex. "Gods, Gabrielle. You don't play fair."
"Everything is fair in love and war." Gabrielle rolled so that she was now completely on top of her lover. Her thigh slid against Xena's sex. "I just need to feel you. Touch you. Taste you. And vice versa."
"Mmm." Xena felt an explosion of moisture between her legs. "Gods. It's been too long. No more talking. It's time to feel. It's time to do."
With that, their mouths came together as their bodies rocked together. Though it was all the memories of the past continued to bombard her, Gabrielle could concentrate on one thing. Xena.
It wasn't long before both of them had an orgasm. It was a small one. Enough to take the edge of need, want and time off of their overcharged bodies.
Xena positioned them so that they could both remove their shifts. Their breasts came in contact as both wanted to continue to taste one another's mouths. A groan escaped them. it really had been too long.
It wasn't long until Gabrielle wrapped her legs around Xena's waist. The contact caused her to shudder visibly. She began rocking her hips.
The warrior princess tore her lips away from her bard's mouth. She kissed her way down until she latched onto one of Gabrielle's breast. She gently eased her soulmate onto her back.
Xena slid with her soulmate so that she was now on top of Gabrielle. She felt her bard's legs spread wide for her and she growled at the wetness she felt.
"I love you, Gabrielle." Xena then took possession of her soulmate's breast with her mouth. She felt Gabrielle's hands in her hair. Already they were indicating where the greatest need was.
But Xena wasn't quite ready. Instead, she continued to feast on one breast and then the other. She pressed her own need into Gabrielle's causing them both to moan.
Finally, with the delicious scent assaulting her constantly, Xena could wait no more. She kissed a trail down beautifully sculpted abs.
Gabrielle spread even further open for her as Xena made it to the promised land. Without further thought, she dove in. Her hands were kept busy on wonderful breasts while her mouth explored every millimeter of her bard's sex.
There were no words. There was just Xena making love to her soulmate. The woman who she had hurt by asking to go against her own heart. To the woman she continued to hurt, but could not live without.
Tears formed momentarily and mingled with the wonderful juices provided by her lover. Xena knew it was because she was being loved as much as she was giving love. And it was what was needed after such a harrowing adventure for Gabrielle.
"Gods, Xena!" Gabrielle felt the orgasm building. Her only lover was amazing as always in bringing her to the soaring heights. She crested over and fell into safe, strong arms.
It had been faster than Xena had wanted to go, but she just couldn't stop herself. "I hope that was enough…" She was silenced by a finger to her lips.
"If you had merely touched me with your fingers, it would have been enough." Gabrielle kissed the lips that contained her scent. "I just needed to feel you inside me. To be touched like only you will forever touch me."
Xena sighed heavily. This was why she didn't want forgiveness for herself. Because she already received it no matter what happened from her soulmate. "Only me. Forever. I promise you this again."
"And I promise you are the only one for me." Gabrielle kissed the convenient shoulder. It was her turn to make Xena feel so good.
Gabrielle lowered her aim and took a nipple into her mouth. She sucked on it then nibbled on it. No matter what she did, she had Xena moaning her pleasure.
A hand came to join her mouth. Gabrielle feasted on one breast while palming the other. She wanted so much more for her wife. So she made her way south.
The mouth that had been on a breast was now latched onto a clit. A throbbing engorged clit. The sensation and tastes were nearly overwhelming. They were each and every time they made love.
A finger was inserted causing Xena to jerk. Gabrielle smiled as her free hand sought out her soulmate's. They grasped one another's hand tightly as the bard continued her wonderful ministrations upon her warrior princess' body.
It wasn't long before Xena felt her body rising from the bed. Or was that merely her spiritual body? Whatever it was, it had her climbing higher. Faster. Until finally she fell back to the mortal world.
The two lovers held tightly to one another. They didn't know what their future held. They did know that they would forever be by the other's side. Even in death, they would never be apart.