Eddie wakes to the sound of the door closing, he looks up into the dark room barely lit by the clock and see's the clock say its 11:05pm. He looks at Chris who is out cold wrapped in Eddies duvet, he is about get up when he hears Bucks voice carry down the hall.
"Eds, you awake?" Buck says.
Eddie does not answer he is still tired so closes his eyes, he wants to talk to Buck but did not fancy staying up the next few hours as he knew Buck would be wanting discus every little detail from today's revelations. So, he slightly moved so his face was tucked slightly under the duvet in case he broke and smiled, he stayed silent and still as the door opened.
"Eddie you awake?" Buck whispers.
Eddie fought his natural instinct to move and waited till he heard Bucks sigh, he heard what sounded like the door open more and the sound of footsteps treading softly across the hard floor, he kept still as he heard Buck round the side Chris was sleeping in.
"Night superman hope you feel better in the morning…" Buck says, and the sound of a kiss could be heard and Eddie mentally smiled.
He listened as Buck started to head out hoping he now could rest once Buck left, but to his shock he heard Buck come up behind him, he fought the urge to move as he felt Bucks lips press against the side of his temple.
"Eddie, I don't know what's up, but I promise I'm here." Buck says and then Eddie listens as the door closes and can hear Buck go into his room, Eddie sits up and rubs where Buck kissed him and smiles.
'Why did he kiss me, what does he think is wrong?' Eddie thinks.
He lays back down as the tiredness is hitting him again, but he smiled as he thought about Bucks lips on his head. Oh, how he wished it were against his lips and that Buck was staying in his bed, he eventually nodded off and managed to fall into a deep sleep.
As Eddie woke his first thought was the pain down below, but as he sat up and looked to where Chris was he was gone and the bowl too. He was about to get out of the bed when he heard voices coming down the hall.
"Shh you will wake him," Chris can be heard saying.
"Ok, but you need whisper quitter." Buck says.
Eddie shakes his head and sits up smiling as the door opens and Chris and Buck are stood there, Buck holding a tray.
"Awww, dad you should be asleep still. We were going surprise you" Chris says clearly disappointed.
"You still surprised me; I was about get up what you got there for me." Eddie asks smiling.
"Breakfast in bed, this one here is feeling loads better and he wanted cook you something as he knows your tired." Buck says giving Eddie the I told you so look.
"Well thank you, and what do I have to eat for breakfast?" Eddie asks.
"Pancakes!" Chris says cheerily.
"Yeah, this one has had three already, so he is definitely better now." Buck chuckles as he places the tray down on Eddies lap.
Eddie looked down at the tray it had 4 pancakes covered in syrup and a cup of coffee. He looked up and smiled at the boys and then slowly started eating, he wasn't particularly feeling hungry, but he forced the food down as Buck and Chris sat there talking about some random subject. Eddie didn't listen in; he just took in the sight in front of him and smiled again as he drunk his coffee. The smile of his son accompanied by the smile of one Evan Buckley.
"So, superman do you and your dad fancy a trip out to the shops in a bit?" Buck asks.
"Ah, some new things I'm guessing?, But it sure would be good to get him out in the fresh air." Eddie says smiling.
"Yeah, what do we need?" Chris asked.
"Well, you know how I explained I was staying a bit longer?" Buck says looking at Eddie with the big sorry eyes and Eddie just nodded.
'At least I do not get to explain that but will have cover to the reason why, but then I am meant to be the man of the house and he is my son I should have done it. Just another thing I failed at.' Eddie thinks to himself.
"Because the bad man exploded your apartment?" Chris asks, and Buck looked at Eddie shocked.
"Well yeah, but I would have had to stay because of the fire anyway. How do you know about the bad man?" Buck questions.
"I'm sorry, I kind of listened in. I snook to the kitchen window and I heard." Chris says looking down
"Christopher I have told you about eavesdropping, you were told that was an adult conversation." Eddie says with an angry tone.
"It's ok superman jus…" Buck starts.
"No Buck! It is not ok. Christopher go to your room and I'll speak to you about this later understand?" Eddie snaps.
Chris nods and gets up and heads out the room, Buck looks at Eddie in shock as the door can be heard been shut down the hall and crying starting.
"Was there any need for that Eddie? He apologised." Buck says staring at Eddie.
"Buck, he is my kid. He needs to learn he cannot do anything and get away with it. I hope you can understand that." Eddie says.
"Well, someone is obviously still in a grump ass mood. I hope you lose the attitude or don't bother coming with us later to the shops." Buck says as he gets up and storms out slamming Eddies door.
Eddie just rolled his eyes and let out a sigh he really could not be arse with two whinny people. He moved the tray to the bedside table and placed his cup on it and rolled over to go back sleep for a bit he just needed some more rest.
He does not know how long he had slept again as he is awoken by a hand on his arm. He rolls and see's Bucks big blue eyes looking at him, but no smile, Eddie frowns at him.
"What's up?" Eddie asks.
"Well, I'm getting ready go the shops, Chris is ready, do you want come or stay in the grumpy pit?" Buck asks.
"Buck, look I am sorry for how I reacted earlier, but he needs to learn he can't go against things when I say no." Eddie says sitting up and pulling Bucks arm to make him sit.
"I know Eddie, but you do know there is a way to say it that doesn't cause so much upset. You know, saying it in a calm way would have worked and no crying would have happened." Buck says giving Eddie that trademark smile.
"God, I hate when your right" Eddie rolls his eyes.
"We will get you there eventually, just use the head before you open the mouth, ok? Now get dressed we leave in five minutes no excuses, understand?" Buck says as he gets up and picks up the tray from the side.
"Now who's being strict?" Eddie jokes.
"Well someone has to keep you in check don't they? Plus, it seems it's the only thing you listen to." Buck jokes, "Now five minutes or I call Abuela." Buck says as he closes the door.
"Don't you dare Evan!" Eddie calls and laughs.
He forgot how easy it was to have Buck here with him, life seemed to fall in to place and work so well with him there. Eddie knew though something would come and stop them being together which is why he never told Buck how he feels. The fear of opening himself up terrified him as it would mean showing feelings. Feelings that he was taught to bottle them up and never put himself first which is exactly what he would be doing if he told Buck.
"I don't hear moving, three minutes Diaz!" Buck shouts and shakes Eddie out his train of thought.
He quickly gets up feeling the pulse of pain shoot down below, he grins and bears it as he needs to get ready. He knows he should shower but under the strict time Buck has given him he quickly changes into a shirt and jeans and sprays loads of deodorant and heads out his room towards the living room where both Chris and Buck are sat waiting.
"Well you still have a minute left, but I don't see shoes do you Chris?" Buck says.
"Nope." Chris chuckles to Buck then stops when he looks at Eddie.
Eddie quickly turns and feels the hurt in his heart he caused Chris, he quickly slips some trainers and nips in the kitchen to grab some pain killers.
"Still hurting you?" Buck questions as he walks into the kitchen.
"Yeah it is, I will be fine now. I have these few days to rest." Eddie says smiling trying to hide the pain.
"Well if it isn't better, I'll drag you to that doctors you understand?" Buck jokes.
"I do, can you go start the car, I will speak to Chris." Eddie says.
"Are you going shout again?" Buck questions concern drawn in his face.
"No, I promise." Eddie says.
"Ok then." Buck says.
Eddie heads into the living room and sits next to Chris as Buck walks past and opens the door, Eddie counts to five giving Buck enough time get to his car he looks at Chris who is looking at him all sad.
"Now Chris, I am sorry I shouted at you earlier. But it was because I was angry, but you did apologise, and I am proud that you did that. Still, you must understand that when I say something you must do it. You are a Diaz man and we follow the rules and do as are told. We have to put our family first and our needs last, do you understand?" Eddie says.
"I do dad, I am sorry. I won't do it again." Chris says
"I know mate, come here." Eddie says.
He pulls Chris into a hug and ruffles his hair and kisses him on the forehead.
"Now how about we go help Buck pick some clothes? And talk him in to buying something silly?" Eddie jokes.
"Dad, we can't do that to Buck." Chris laughs.
"Why not? Be funny wouldn't it" Eddie says.
"Maybe, love you dad." Chris says hugging tighter.
"Love you too mijo." Eddie says.
Eddie stands up and bends down to pick Chris up, not letting him see he is in pain and walks to the door and locks it. As he gets to Bucks jeep he notices that the jeep is not turned on and Buck is just there staring at him.
"What's up? Thought you would have the engine on." Eddie questions as he loads Chris into his seat.
"I was not going waste fuel; I didn't know how long you were going be." Buck said but in a weird tone.
"Ok, well we're all sorted aren't we bud?" Eddie says.
"Yeah we are, we're going enjoy helping you shop." Chris says giving his dad a wink.
"Oh, good we have lots to buy." Buck says as he turns the engine on.
Eddie climbs in the front gingerly as his leg hurt as he climbed up, and once the door was shut and belt on Buck started driving. Buck did not talk much along the drive and Eddie noticed he just kept quiet and only answered when Chris asked something directly. By the time they got to the mall Eddie was not happy, Buck was all happy when they left, what changed? As they got out the jeep and Buck walked round to help Eddie, Eddie stopped Buck before opening the door.
"You ok? You were incredibly quiet on the way here." Eddie questioned.
"Yeah, I am simply fine. But you know we can't bottle up everything we feel you know…" Buck says and opens the door making Eddie move.
Eddie stood there wondering where that had come from, but before he could think about it he was handed Chris crutches and Chris was in front of him.
"Do you want walk or one of us carry you?" Eddie asks.
"Can you carry me for a bit?" Chris asks looking at Eddie.
"Of course, come on, so where we off first?" Eddie asks looking at Buck.
"Well was thinking some clothes shop and then the ice cream place." Buck said giving Chris a big grin but then a stern look at Eddie.
As they walked to the first shop Eddie was thinking about what Buck had said and was trying to figure out what he was on about. It then hit him like a freight train. Had Buck heard what he had said to Chris? He knew Buck was the heart on the sleeve kind of guy and that is what Eddie loved about Buck. If Buck heard that it would explain the answer he gave him and his turn off attitude in such a short period.
As they entered the first shop, Eddie needed to question Buck who had disappeared into the corner looking at jumpers, he placed Chris near the aisle.
"Now stay here. I just need to speak to Buck, look at them shirts and find a silly one for him ok?" Eddie says.
"Ok dad just don't be long it smells funny in here…" Chris says and Eddie chuckles.
Eddie wanders down the aisle and see's Buck who stares at him and turns round so his back is facing him.
"I am guessing I need to have a word with you too about eavesdropping then?" Eddie says not knowing how to really start the conversation or how Buck would react.
"I didn't mean to but I'm glad I did. I was hoping you might let it slip on what is up with you but was not expecting that. Do you really think that's how you should be?" Buck says as he turns round.
Eddie stood there rubbing his neck, he did not know how to answer, and it was not really the place to have this conversation.
"Look, I can see you are uncomfortable about talking now, so promise me when we get home we can speak." Buck says.
"Fine…" Eddie says letting out a sigh.
"Okay so now… Blue or green" Buck says holding up two jumpers.
"Blue, differently blue." Eddie says as he turns and heads to Chris.
Eddie spots Chris who is holding a bright yellow shirt with a pug on the front and Eddie started laughing. He made sure it was the right size and they went and paid for it and placed it in a bag as they stood outside waiting for Buck. While they stood waiting they watched people go by and eventually Buck appeared with several bags on hand. They made their way round to other shops and finally made it to the food court where they sat to have food and Eddie took some more pills then eventually ice cream. As all three sat there eating their food Buck nodded to Eddie to note someone was behind him.
"Oh, hi Ana…" Eddie says getting up rubbing his leg and moving over to her and away from Chris and Buck.
"Hey, are you ok there? You look tired." she says.
"Yeah, hurt my leg on a call and just been busy as doing extra shifts and then that one decided be sick." He explains pointing at Chris.
"Yeah I heard, but glad to see he is doing better and will be back on Monday." She says smiling.
"Yeah, will make life a bit easier." Eddie chuckled.
"I bet, so I was wondering if you were free one-day next week?" Ana asks.
"Erm don't know, why?" Eddie asks.
"Well was wondering if you wanted go for a drink." She says smiling.
Eddie was taken aback by this. He guessed that she was just inviting him to drink as friends. But there was something about the way how she said it that made Eddie think twice. Then it hit him.
"Oh, like a date?" Eddie questions.
"Yeah, if that's ok." Ana says.
'Well, shit.' Eddie thought.
He had to admit it. She was hot. Hazel eye's like his, lush lips, round… Before he could think any more he dragged his thoughts out of there.
'What are you thinking! She's a fine woman and deserves to be respected!' Eddie screamed at his thoughts. She is beautiful and Eddie knew it. But he also knew that if he were to jump on this opportunity there might be a chance that… that he would forget his feelings for Buck. But that would not be fair to Anna also...
'FUCK!'
"Eddie? Are you really okay?" It was Anna. Looking at Eddie concerned.
He had an out on this. But why can't he help but feel this way? He looked at Buck who was licking his ice cream, and even if it was just a moment he caught Buck stealing glances in their way. He was looking.
It had been about two years since they have met and got off on the wrong foot, but in the end they ended up as best friends. As that is the truth he knew that if he were to say that he loved him, he could destroy their friendship.
"Sorry, I am sort of… Well hoping I'll have a date with someone else sooner than later…" Eddie says going red. Even with the fact that Eddie really loves Buck, there was Chris. He did not want to confuse the kid even more by adding another mother figure that could go at any time because of Eddie's indecisiveness. He loved Buck, and that was the chilling truth he had to bottle up.
"Oh, I'm sorry I just thought, you know what never mind… I'll see you around, sorry again." Ana says bright red and Eddie watches as she walks off.
Eddie turns and walks back over to Buck and Chris and sees Buck smirking at him.
"What?" Eddie says.
"So, looks like someone blew it." Buck says as he takes a lick of his ice cream.
'Well for your information, I turned her down because someone is so oblivious about something so deal with it!' Is what he wanted to say but…
"Well for your information I didn't, she asked, and I turned her down." Eddie says smiling.
"What? Why would you do that? I thought you liked her." Buck says.
"He likes someone else that's why." Chris pipes up and Eddie and Buck both look at him.
"I didn't eavesdrop before you shout I can tell, and I explained to Carla what I saw, and she agrees so…" Chris explains.
"Superman you got to tell me, I need the information." Buck says grinning.
"Sorry, I promised Carla I wouldn't say." Chris explains.
"Well that's just rude, come on Eddie tell me." Buck says.
"Nope, I'm not sure myself who he is on about." Eddie chuckles.
"How many you got on the go Diaz? Well if either of you won't tell I'll just ring Carla." Buck says as he jumps up and walks off before Eddie can say or do anything.
"She won't say its him don't worry dad." Chris says licking his ice cream.
"What?" Eddie says nearly letting his ice cream fall.
"Dad, I see the way you are around him; you smile more, and you look at him like Homer looks at donuts… So, I asked Carla and she agrees but I will not say anything to him, and neither will she. But she did say this: 'I'll leave those two loved up idiots to figure it out.'" Chris chuckles.
"Well, first thank you, and I think I need have a serious word to her about calling me and idiot." Eddie chuckles.
'Really? Even my son knows and Carla too? Ugh, welp I screwed up keeping this quiet. What else? Buck also secretly knows?'
"Well, she won't dish the dirt." Buck says as he walks over.
"Well what did you think would happen you know you can't break her." Eddie chuckles but then yawns.
"True but worth a go, anyway, lets head back. I think someone needs some more sleep." Buck says looking at Eddie.
"I am fine, honest." Eddie says.
"Yeah and I'm naturally dark haired." Buck says laughing.
They laugh and head back to the jeep, the ride back was filled with Chris and Buck singing, Eddie somehow manged to fall asleep only to be woke as the pulled up. They entered the house and Eddie sat on the sofa and could feel himself nodding off.
"Hey, why don't you get a nap, we can speak later." Buck says gesturing to Eddie to head to bed.
"Yeah I'll get a nap thanks." Eddie says and slowly limps to the room where he lays down and falls asleep quite quick.
When he wakes he can hear the sound of the TV and Chris and Buck laughing. He rolls over and there is a glass of water and some pills and a note.
'Take these and come join us' it read. Eddie smiles and takes the pill he then gets up and grabs a change of clothes and walk to the shower where he waits for the water to get warm and climbs in. He washes his body and once clean he starts checking again his heart racing as he runs his fingers over each ball until he stops and he feels the little lump on one, his heart pounds.
He lets go feeling like he might faint, he gets out and dries off and once dry he feels again, and he finds it straight away his heart is really racing.
"You all done in there?" Bucks voices comes through the door and Eddie jumps.
"Yeah…" Eddie says as he pulls up the joggers and opens the door to see Buck stood there.
"You sure you're ok? You look tired still." Buck questions.
"Yeah, I'm fine let's go watch some TV and maybe order pizza." Eddie says.
"Yeah, that's fine." Buck says smiling.
They walk down to the living room and Eddie sits at the edge of the sofa and watches whatever was on the TV. Eddie noticing Buck was busy on his phone and not watching he looked back at the TV, but he could not focus too much at it. His thoughts were going over the lump and what it could be and what it could mean. He could feel the panic setting in, but he knew he could not, cannot break. Not in front of the two most important people in his life, so he pushed it down and turned to Buck.
"What shall we order then?" Eddie questions.
"The normal, can't go wrong with it." Buck says as he turns back to his phone.
Eddie gets up and heads to the kitchen and orders the food. He grabs two beers and a juice box and heads back to the living room he sits down handing the drinks and they watch the TV. However, he notices Buck is still on his phone, after a while there is a knock on the door, and he heads up and grabs the food then heads to the kitchen where Buck and Chris appear. They sit down and enjoy the food, Eddie knew eventually he would have speak to Buck, Buck never let anything die down that easily, but at the moment Buck was busy on his phone occasionally looking at Eddie and answering Chris questions. Once the food was done and the trash away Eddie grabbed two more beers.
"Hey buddy, do you want go get ready for bed?" Buck says to Chris and looks at Eddie, he did not dare say, no, he knew what was coming.
"Ok, can you read to me?" Chris asks.
"Go in, I'll be there in ten minutes. Make sure you have the books ready." Buck smiles.
They watch as Chris wanders off and as soon as the door closes Buck looks straight at Eddie and minutes pass and Buck taps his finger on the bottle.
"So, want to explain why you said that to Chris earlier?" Buck asks.
"Look Buck, it is hard to explain, but I'll try. You know I struggle with words." Eddie says.
"I know, but this is me and you know I won't judge you. I'm here to help." Buck replies setting down his bottle and crosses his arms.
"Well, when I was growing up I was always told by dad and grandad that as a Diaz man, I must provide and care for the people I love and care for, and that my needs must always be put to the bottom of the list as I need provide." Eddie starts and he needs think about what to say next.
"Eddie, you know you don't have do that. I understand that is how you were brought up, but you just see that is not healthy. I mean that's what led you to bottling up everything and then look how it came out." Buck starts sounding empathetic.
"I know the fighting thing wasn't my best moment but speaking to Frank has helped me see that. Just old habits I guess. I try and let Chris do things and experience things I never did but it's hard you know." Eddie says and can feel the tears forming he didn't want to seem weak so turned away.
"Don't turn away to hide the tears Eddie. I don't care if you cry in front of me, I wont think of you any less for doing that. I'm glad you try and let Chris do new things but you do realise you need explain to him what you said wasn't at all correct. I know you want him to be strong but putting that kind of pressure in him won't be good." Buck says.
"I know and I will try, it is just so hard with me been a single dad." Eddie says.
"I get that but you aren't alone, look we will continue when I come back from reading Chris his book ok?" Buck explains.
"Ok." Eddie says.
Buck wanders into the room and Eddie sits there drinking the beer quicker and grabs another one. His thoughts in his head again and the fear was setting in about what could happen.
'You could end up leaving Chris here on his own and never get the chance to tell Buck how you really feel for him.'
He walks into the living room and sits down trying to find something take his focus on. He places the beer down and starts channel hopping and after a few minutes he finds a movie, the thoughts start again he knows he should say something but the thoughts of what his dad says ring in his heads.
'Put your needs last young man! You're a Diaz after all!'
"Anything good?" Buck asks.
"Nah, guessing he didn't last long?" Eddie chuckles.
"Nope, tired him out, look Eddie you know I'm here for you know matter what." Buck explains.
"Until you find someone, I saw you on your phone you haven't put it down all night." Eddie laughs.
"No, I was looking things up." Buck said.
"Thought you only did that when you were bored or something important was happening?" Eddie questions.
"Yeah, well I had my suspicions but wasn't sure so had to check. Eddie you know you can tell me anything, just like I can tell you anything and you shouldn't let what your dad says about keeping stuff to yourself stop you for asking for help or talking." Buck explains.
Eddie looks at him. He looks at his big blue eyes and he wants to admit his feelings for him. He wants to tell him how madly he is in love with him, how he wants to marry him and let him adopt Chris and maybe have more kids. He looks at Buck who has tilted his head at Eddie and looking directly at him Eddie thinks now is the time to come clean and tell him how much he loves him, so he opens his mouth.
"I found a lump on my testicle." He says instead and covers his mouth with his hand.