Eddie sits there utterly shocked that his mouth just let that slip out, he looks at Buck who obviously was not expecting that and the first thing Eddie can think is to backtrack quickly.
"I didn't mean to say that! I was meant to say… something else! Just forget it ok? I should erm, I should head to bed. I'll see you later bye Buck." Eddie says as he quickly gets up.
"Eddie wait!" Buck says.
Eddie doesn't stop and heads to his room and closes the door before falling on the bed. Even when he wants to try to be happy he can't, and he knows how Buck will be. He will keep pushing and if he does, he thinks what to say. Should he tell Buck how much he loves him? Buck may only see him as a charity case now, as he lay there it felt like hours had passed but really only minutes and he hears a knock.
"Hey, Eddie can I come on please," Buck says.
"No, just leave Buck please!" Eddie fights the sob back.
"Eddie i will not leave you, so we need to talk. I will sit outside your door if I have to all night." Buck explains.
"Buck, I don't want to talk about anything please just go," Eddie says now sitting up.
There is no sound but then he hears his phone go off and fishes it out his pocket and looks at the screen it's a message from Buck he opens it.
'Eddie this is what I was looking at, I had my suspicions before you let it slip, I'm sat by the door we don't have to talk I just need to see you're ok'
Eddie looked at the photo and it was of Bucks google history for the night , it was about spotting signs of cancer and how to talk to someone about it. Eddie's heart ached. Buck had been looking at helping him without him knowing, Eddie decided he needed to let Buck in he knew he couldn't do this on his own so he replied back.
'I could really do with a hug right now'
He hears Buck's phone go off and in seconds the door is open and Eddies see Buck standing there. He can see the tears that have fallen down Bucks face and he feels the dam in his eyes go and the next thing he knows is that Bucks arms are around him and holding him tight.
"It's ok Eddie I'm here," Buck says.
Eddie just sobs into Bucks shirt, they stay like that for ages and Eddie feels himself nodding off. He didn't want to move so just stayed there. The next time he wakes he feels a warmth under his head he slowly moves and sees Bucks face and he is asleep, Eddies head resting on his chest. He felt so happy but at the same time it was under the circumstances they hadn't explained. Eddie knew everything would change and he needed to get away even for a few days, he decided he will sort it later but for now, he would sleep soundly with the fact that Buck was here.
The next morning he wakes he is alone in bed, but the sound of a shower can be heard. Eddie thinks Buck must be using it as he stayed over, Eddie rolled and finds his phone and looks up a website and books something he then quickly messages Bobby.
'Hey Bobby, my mum has had to have emergency surgery and my dad needs help to look after her, I know it's short notice but is there any way I can take a week off from today? I know it's short but I wouldn't ask if it wasn't an emergency.'
Eddie felt so bad for doing this but he needed time away from everyone. He knew it would get too much and the last thing he wants to do is push people away with his moods. He knew a few days with Chris at there favorite lodge would help, he hears his phone go off.
'It is short notice, but you weren't in today so that makes it a bit better, but I understand, it's fine, I will see you next week.'
Eddie smiled now he just needed to get away without seeing Buck, he would write him a note but say he was at his parents. Just then Buck walks out all dressed but Eddie could see his curly wet hair.
"Sorry, did I wake you?" Buck asks.
"No, I was awake anyway." Eddie says.
"That's good, I got to go for my shift, can we talk later please? I know you are off and most likely will go over everything loads but let me help." Buck asks.
"Yeah, maybe." Eddie replies.
"Right, I will see you later." Buck smiles and leaves, once Eddie hears Bucks jeep pulling off he gets up and limps around grabbing a bag and stuffing it with clothes, he moves to Chris's room and gets a bag of clothes for him and wakes him up.
"Hey, come on we're going away for a few days," Eddie says.
"Where to?" Chris asks sleepily.
"The lodge we love, I'll ring school on way there, come on we leave in five minutes," Eddie says and watches as Chris smiles.
He knew it was a rush but he knew the second Buck got there and Booby mentioned Eddie took a week off Buck would come flying back. He sat the bags by the door and quickly changed, he got a pen and paper and wrote a letter to Buck, he wanted to explain what he really wanted to say last night and why he was doing this hoping Buck would understand.
'Dear Evan,
I know you most likely are in full panic mode but do not be. I am fine and so is Chris, we are going to my parents just so I can get some breathing space. I understand you want to help but I need to sort my head around it. Last night I was not meant to say that, what I really wanted to tell you is that I love you. I am so madly in love with you and now I have let that slip about the lump. I don't want to know your answer as I'm scared of the outcome, maybe you don't want to be lumbered with a cancer patient or worse you say you love me back out of pity for me. But the worse one would be that you don't love me at all, I know I don't deserve your kindness in friendship but I had to tell you that I love you. I couldn't hold it back anymore, I will be back I just hope you will be here when I do.
Always yours
Edmundo'
Eddie wipes his tears and folds the paper, he heads down the hall picking up the bags and placing the letter on the table, he sees Chris at the door waiting to go.
"All ready?" Eddie asks.
"Yeah." he says.
Eddie opens the door and closes it locking it behind him , they go to his truck and get in and start driving Eddie didn't know what the future held or what would happen when he got back, but he planned on making this week about making memory's with his son.
Buck twenty minutes after Eddie leaves
Buck's drive to work was a blur. All he could think about was what Eddie had said to him and then how taken back at how Eddie broke down in his arms he had never seen Eddie like that. Yesterday he had high hopes that Eddie was making a move finally after months of Buck waiting but this was the last thing he expected. As he approached the firehouse he knew he had a long 12-hour shift in front him when all he wanted to do was talk to Eddie. He knew Eddie didn't want to talk about it and Buck would accept that but, he would do his normal ramble about stuff and keep Eddie's mind off it, ever since he looked up the symptoms and watched Eddie as he ticked each one he didn't want it to be that but now Eddie admitted to having a lump.
'Did he say he went doctors to get it checked or not' Buck suddenly thinks to himself.
He shakes his head as he walks into the firehouse greeting people on autopilot, once changed he heads up and sees Bobby there waiting and didn't look too happy, Buck takes a seat.
"Now everyone is here, I need to move rotas round and we will be having cover in from tomorrow, so we need to pull together," Bobby says.
"Who are we covering?" Buck questions.
"Eddie," Bobby continues to speak but Buck blanks him out, this thought goes back to Eddie, he was there when he left why would he need more time off?
"You must be mistaken cap, I was there this morning helping with Chris he never said anything." Buck said knowing it was a lie about helping with Chris
"He text me this morning saying his mum has had emergency surgery and he needed to go help." Bobby explains.
Buck felt a twinge in his chest he knew Eddie didn't want to talk so would he really travel all that way just to get away from the problem? Buck wanted nothing more than to walk out and go find out what's going on.
"Buck you ok?" Bobby asks.
"Err yeh sorry" Buck replied he looked around and saw Hen and Chim looking at him worriedly, "Just weirded out that Eddie never said anything especially when he would have sent that text when I was there." Buck shrugs his shoulders and heads down.
Once in the locker room, he calls Eddie's number and it goes straight to voicemail.
"Hey Eddie, I know full well your mum isn't sick, please don't say you are going because I found out, please call me." Buck leaves as a voicemail.
"So, want to tell me what that was all about?" Bobby says and Buck turns.
'Oh shit'
"It's nothing Bobby I promise." Buck says.
"Doesn't sound like nothing and the fact you start by saying you know his mum isn't sick says a lot…" Bobby says closing the locker door and Buck sees people watching outside "So spill." Bobby asks.
"I can't, I don't even know where to start plus it's not my place, but trust me Bobby right now Eddie needs someone to be there for him." Buck says.
"Buck, unless you say what's going on I can't help you with that" Bobby says.
'I can't tell him; Eddie will be mad' he thinks to himself.
"You know what cap? I most likely got my wires crossed I'll call his Abulea later." Buck says he prays for the alarm to go and just like that it does.
They spend the shift pretty much in and out nonstop never really getting a rest, but Buck loves it that way, at least he can't be pestered to answer any questions Hen, Chim or Bobby would ask. As they finally pull in to the station Bobby stops him.
"I know you have the next three days off as you booked them off but is there any way you can move them at all?" Bobby asks and Buck had forgotten he had them booked off, he would normally do it but this was his chance get answers so there was no way he was doing it.
"Sorry Bobby, you know I would another time, but I have things panned," Buck says.
"I know just thought I'd ask," Bobby says and Buck heads into the locker and quickly changes and heads to his jeep.
Once in he drives to Eddies, he sees the car gone but heads in just in case. It was a good thing that he had a spare key to their house given by Eddie. A key to the man's house…
As he heads inside he looks in Chris's room and Eddie's. It's clear that they left quickly, as Buck moves to the front room he clean's it up and then moves into the kitchen where he sees a letter, he sits there and reads it. As he reads Eddie's words he starts crying as he picks his phone up.
"Eddie, please call me when you get this, I need speak to you." Buck leaves as a message he wanted to say that he loved Eddie too since the day after the bombing but had waited. Now he knew Eddie loved him but didn't want Buck to love him out of pity. Buck was annoyed however because that wasn't true. He would still love him even more so, cancer patient or not. He loves the man behind the tough firefighter, he loves the man that would fight through hell and back to get back to his son, he loves that man. He cleaned up the kitchen and left locking the door his next stop was Abuela.
The trip there was filled with plain silence as Buck's mind is flodded by toxic thoughts. He tried to push it down as he nears Abuela's house. He knew it all to well by now from picking up Christopher to him and Eddie visiting.
"Buck? Eddie isn't here." She says as she saw him.
"I Know, do you have his parents' number? He said he was going to see them." Buck asks.
"He wouldn't just go see them, but let me go ring them go take a seat." She says as she ushers him inside. There he saw picture of old, from Abuela's younger years to her older years. But there was one picture that was framed and placed atop a bookshelf. Eddie and Chistopher's picture.
'They look so happy here…'
Buck takes a seat and after a while Abuela comes back.
"No, they have not heard off him and they called him but no answer, what's going on?" She asks.
"I don't know, I haven't heard off him, do you have his sisters' number I'll call her." Buck asks.
Abuela nods and gives him Sophia's number Buck thanks her and leaves, as he gets in the jeep he heads home he would get a quick sleep and talk to Sophia and go from there.
Eddie a few hours later
Eddie starts to yawn from the long drive he has had but he is happy to see the lodge in front of him. The drive had been fairly easy and the school didn't question much when Eddie had explained Chris was no better still. He gets out and opens it and turns the light on, he then goes to get Chris who has fallen asleep in the back. He gently carries him through the door and to his bed and tucks him in, he fetches all the other stuff and goes in to the lodge. Once in he settles down in front of the fireplace and looks at his phone, he turns it on and once loaded it pinged to say he had messages. There was voicemails so he listened to them and started crying the second he heard Bucks voice. He listened to the one of his parents confused to why Buck thought he was with them, Eddie shook his head and turned off the phone and heads to bed.
Throughout the night he couldn't quell the rising feeling of despair. The fact that he had a lump in his testicle, that he confessed his feelings for Buck, that he might die from this and leave Christopher alone. He was scared to death of what might happen.
The next day Eddie wakes and hears the sound of nature around him and he feels at ease, he hears Chris coming up the stairs.
"Dad, can I nap with you? Its too early." Chris asks yawning.
"Of course, come on." Eddie says as he lifts the covers up.
They spend another thirty minutes in bed before Chris decides its time for breakfast to which Eddie realises he did not pack food, he shakes his head.
"We will go to the diner and have breakfast, then we will go shopping ok?" Eddie says,
"Ok dad." Chris replies.
"Ok, go get changed quickly for me." Eddie says.
He watches as Chris disappears he gets himself up and quickly changes and heads down the stairs where Chris is sat waiting, Eddie laughed as Chris had not gotten changed.
"Chris I said go get changed you wore that yesterday." Eddie says.
"I know but I may get food down me, I can change when we get back, I just want pancakes dad, please…" Chris says, and Eddie knows he is screwed.
"Fine, just this once." He chuckles.
They leave and head to the diner, once in they enjoy a nice breakfast. It was the quieter season so not many people around, once food was eaten and paid for they went food shopping. Eddie and Chris spent the day stocking up on everything they would need for the week before heading back to the lodge where Eddie places the stuff away as Chris played on his tablet. They later went for a long walk and enjoyed the campfire outside the lodge, as it got late they headed back inside where they watched some TV, then the room lit up with headlights from a vehicle pulling up. Eddie jumped up as no one knew he was here expect the people he let it from, as he walked over to the window his heart sunk but filled with joy at the sight in front of him.
Buck early in the day
Buck has spent most of the morning sorting out a bag and some bits, he would find out where Eddie was no matter what. He had spent the whole night worrying about him, he knew he would be ok as he had Chris but a part of him still worried. Once his bag was packed he called Sophia.
"Hello?" She answered puzzled.
"Hey Sophia its Evan, Eddie's friend from work. I know this is random but I'm hoping you can be able to help, Eddie told us he went to visit your parents which I know he hasn't, and I know he needed to clear his head so do you know anywhere he could have gone to?" Buck asks.
"My mum rung me last night and asked the same I told her no but there is one place, it's a lodge he rented after Shannon died he spent time with Chris there just them two. I can send you the address, is everything ok with him?" She asks.
"I think he just needs someone to talk to, so send it me and I'll go to him and I'll ring you once I speak to him." Buck explains.
"That be great goodbye" She says.
"Bye" Buck replies and before he hangs up Sophia spoke again.
"Oh and Evan…" There was silence before she spoke again, "Nevermind, just lucky that he has a friend like you."
"Thank you." Is all he said and hang up.
He grabs his bag and heads down to his jeep he chucks his bag in and waits for Sophia to text after ten minutes. He gets fidgety so he drives off heading to a local store to grab some bits for the journey where ever it went, as he left the shop he got the text with the address and when he put it in his sat nav it was a good long drive but he could make it just as it went dark.
As he drove through the hills and down the roads, he saw the miles drop he was getting closer he had tried to call but again straight to voicemail. He carried on driving wondering what he would say when he came face to face with Eddie, all he really wanted to do was hug him tight and tell him it will be alright but after reading the letter Buck thinks, what is the least awkward way not to make Eddie think bad.
Eventually he turns up at the lodge and pulls up next to Eddies truck, as he sits there he see's Eddie stood at the window he couldn't tell if he was mad or happy, he got out the car and walked towards the door as he does Eddie opens the door to.
"Buck what are you doing here?" Eddie asks.
Buck keeps walking towards him and once close enough pulls him in for a hug and eventually he feels Eddie hug him back.
"I don't love you out of pity, I Love you as I've always loved you since the bombing and I'm here now." Buck says and that's all it takes for Eddie to break down in his arms.