BUCK POV.
Buck watches as Eddie's truck speeds away. Everything was going wrong. He feels a firm hand land on his shoulder and turns to see Bobby looking at him with sadness.
"No, you don't get to do that. Not after you accused us of lying and abusing your trust, even before we could explain you were demanding us to get in your office," Buck snarks as he walks off back inside. He needs to get his keys and go after Eddie.
"Buck, let me…" Bobby is cut off
"What? Let you what? Yes I get I have that rep but Eddie has never done that and you straight away went in there about sex. If you had just asked, we could have spoken about it properly but no. You jumped to conclusions and now look at what you've done." Buck signals to the entrance, showing that Eddie wasn't there.
He walks into the locker room. He can feel the eyes of the other firefighters all on him and he doesn't care. All he can focus on is getting to Eddie. He opens his locker and grabs his jacket, feeling the pockets for his keys. He lets out a sigh when he finds them and closes the locker. He puts his jacket on and takes the keys out and starts to walk out, where yet again Bobby is waiting for him, but now Hen and Chim are there.
"Buck, what's going on?" Chim asks
"Nothing. Just leave it, ok? It has nothing to do with any of you. I'm going. You can fire me all you want, Captain. To be honest, I don't give a rat's ass," Buck says as he storms off past everyone.
"Buckaroo, wait. You can't just leave," Hen shouts, but Buck waves his hand up and walks out.
He makes his way straight to his jeep and starts the engine. Once the car is moving, he hits the dash of his car as his phone wont connect, once he sees the connecting symbol he waits for his phone to connect. Once it does, he dials Eddie and gets voicemail.
"Ugh, Eddie, answer me will you? I'm on my way. I'll meet you there. I walked out. Bobby should have never spoken to you like that. Ring me back please." Buck ends the call and speeds off to the doctor's.
The drive to the doctor's fills him with dread and hope – hope it was all clear but also the worry of what will happen if it is. But he knew he promised Eddie he would be there to support him, and he will be.
The phone starts to ring and Buck answers it without looking.
"Eddie…"
"No, it's Maddie. Buck what the hell are you doing? Chim just called me and told me you walked out on the job, the job you fought so hard to get back to, the one you put a lawsuit in against Bobby just to go back to them. I don't get it." Maddie's concerned voice echoes through the speaker.
Buck is now even more pissed. Not only had they gone straight to Maddie, but she was trying to use the whole lawsuit against him.
"You know what, Maddie?Just like them, you don't know the full picture. You just jump on the bandwagon. I would have thought you would have given me the benefit of the doubt before chucking the lawsuit in my face," Buck says and hangs up. She calls him back but he just declines the call.
As he gets closer to the doctor, the nerves build up. He was hoping Eddie would be sitting in his truck, unable to go in, but as he pulls into the car park, he sees it's full. Driving around, he doesn't see Eddie's truck anywhere. After finally finding a spot to park, he gets out and starts walking to the entrance, double checking for the truck but nothing. He enters, thinking Eddie had parked somewhere else with it being busy. He picks up his phone, calling Eddie again, but it goes straight to voicemail.
"Hi, I'm wondering if Edmundo Diaz has turned up? His doctor called him," Buck asks as he gets to the reception desk.
"I don't see him checked in." The receptionist says.
"Yeah, I will take a seat just in case," Buck says. Panic was building in his chest, but when he thought about it, he knew Eddie could have pulled over to take five minutes to calm down or he was in pain.
Buck goes and takes a seat in the reception area just in case Eddie turns up. As he does, he tries calling again but still no answer. He watches as people walk past him, none of them being Eddie, and then he starts to go into his Buck overthinking mode. What if Eddie thought Buck wanted nothing to do with him, that the team may put the thought that Buck didn't want to be burdened with such pressure. He hadn't exactly shown much support when Bobby started on them in the office. It was Eddie who kicked off at Bobby. Maybe Buck should have spoken up. He knew how Eddie was feeling, and the doubts would fester as Eddie quietly held them inside.
After 30 minutes and no sign, just a lot of rejected calls from the team and Maddie, Buck gets up and walks out. As he does, he starts to think of where to go. He didn't know where Eddie could have gone. He mindlessly looks through his contacts and suddenly has a thought. Quickly, he finds the name and calls it.
"Hello, Evan." As soon as he heard her voice, he felt calm.
"Hi, Mrs Diaz," Buck says.
"Evan, what have I told you before?"
"Ok, sorry, Abuela," he says as he walks to his jeep.
"It's fine. How are you? How is Eddie?" She asks, which makes Buck stop. It answers his question of if Eddie was there.
"To be honest, I'm in full panic mode. Eddie came to the station to get me to come to the doctor's when they called him in. He got into it with Bobby, and Eddie stormed off. I got to the doctors but he hasn't turned up, and he won't answer the phone, so now I'm worried as I don't know where he is," Buck rambles out as he gets into his jeep, sitting back in the seat.
"First, take a deep breath. He will have gone somewhere to think. You know how he can be," she explains
"That's what I'm worried about - him thinking. I didn't exactly help when it started up between him and Bobby. I was in shock. I should have said something. He most likely thinks I want nothing to do with him," he states, holding the tears back.
"Don't talk like that. He knows you love him. He just needs to think. He goes off sometimes. I remember when Shannon died…"
"Shannon! Thanks, Abuela. I'll call you later." Buck cuts her off, starts the engine, and drives off, knowing where he might find Eddie, but also makes a mental note to apologize to Abuela later.
Eddie as he drives off from the station.
Eddie fights through the pain in his leg as he keeps his foot firmly on the gas pedal. He wanted to get as far away as he could. The way Bobby thought the worst of him and Buck, not even giving them a chance to explain the whole situation they found themselves in.
He knows he can't blame Buck for not speaking up to Bobby. Bobby isa father figure for him, and Buck is most likely torn about whom to side with. Once far enough away from the station, Eddie pulls into a store parking lot to take five and let his leg rest up.
He gets out of the truck and walks to a bench, giving his leg a stretch. He looks at his phone and sees missed calls and texts, and a notification stating he had voicemail. He presses delete. He couldn't face listening to them. He starts to think about the fact that the team could be talking Buck out of being in a relationship with him, and he remembers hearing how Buck had to deal with Abby and her sick mother and how Buck was. Maybe it would be a good thing if Buck called it off. They all protected Buck from everything and everybody who could hurt him, especially after the lawsuit.
His thoughts are interrupted when another call comes through, and it's Buck again. He lets it ring out, no matter how much he wants to answer it. He couldn't face a rejection of being together.
Getting up from the bench, he heads into the shop and grabs some water and some flowers. He knows where he's going he will need them. Then once back in his truck, he sets off, knowing there is one place he can talk openly.
The drive isn't too bad; he had beaten the traffic before the busy period. Looking out the front window of his truck and across the parking lot he is currently sitting in it seemed empty and quiet. With a sigh, he gets out and makes his way through the cemetery, flowers and water in hand. He is on autopilot as he starts thinking about how he could end up here sooner rather than later.
"Hey, Shan." Eddie cleared away the dead flowers and replaced them with the fresh ones.
He hadn't been to the cemetery in awhile, but it seemed like someone else was visiting here too. He looked at Shannon's headstone and sighed.
"I guess it's ironic that I'm coming to talk to you."
" The worst part is that I have let Chris down. I promised him I would be there for him, and now I might not be, but I know Buck will look after him." He thinks back to the amendment to his will he made a while back. He still hadn't told Buck this.
"He will fight for our little boy every time. You would have liked him. Why does it happen, Shan? Why is it that every time I think I have the chance to be happy, it's taken away? Am I not allowed to be happy? Can I have just one win without complications?" The tears start to fall as he fully sits down on the grass, looking at the headstone.
A breeze passes his cheek, and he knows it's silly but it's like Shannon is wiping his tears, telling him not to give up. He wants to listen to her, to not give up, more than anything. . But right now he feels so alone and tired. He sits there for a while just thinking about it all.
"I wish… I wish I had the courage to fight this, but I don't know if I can. It makes me sound so weak, but it's so tiring. And I know what a strain it will put on everyone, and I don't want to be a burden and hold them back from living their lives." The results could show he would need surgery and chemotherapy, which also meant long days of treatment and being sick and unable to do so many things, and it would stop the people he loved from doing things too.
"Maybe Chris would be better at my parents'. At least he would have two parental figures looking out for him," Eddie says. A sharp pain shot through his leg. "Okay, point taken." Eddie chuckles as he wipes the tears.
"I just don't want Buck feeling trapped. We both know Chris is a full time job on top of the full time job, and Buck should be able to move on and find someone who makes him as happy as he makes me." Eddie lets out a sob at the thought of not being able to make Buck happy.
"Shouldn't I make that decision for myself?" Buck's voice makes Eddie shift, but he doesnt turn around; he just looks at the headstone. He couldn't face Buck.
"Evan, it's best I do this alone. I mean look at how Cap acted. He didn't even give me a chance to explain. You need to live your life." Eddie flinches when he sees Buck's long legs pass him, but then he feels the warmth of him as he wraps his arms around Eddie from behind, resting his head on his shoulder.
"Eddie, I know nothing I can say will make it magically better, but I already said we're in this together. I should have said something to Cap when he started. I'm sorry I didn't at the time. I was in shock from the way he spoke to us," Buck explains. Eddie moves his hand to rest on Buck's linked hands over his chest.
"I get it, Ev. I do, but you deserve better. You deserve someone who will be around."
"I can decide what's better for me, can't I? And I'm sure Shannon would agree with me here when I say this, and really listen please, Eddie, for once stop thinking about what others need and putting yourself last. You are the main priority here. Focus on you." As Buck finishes the sentence, there's a warm gush of wind, passing over their hands and their faces.
"I guess she agrees with you. Told you, Shan, that you would like him," Eddie says, smiling. It soon turns to a sob.
"I'm here, babe. Just lean back and let it all out. I've got you," Buck says as he pulls Eddie back so he's leaning into him and tightens his hold, making sure Eddie knows he's got him.
They stay like that for a while. Eddie feels a kiss to his neck and realizes maybe it is time they went to the doctors. He needed to know how bad the diagnosis was. But now, with Buck here holding him, he knew he could face it and they would get through it together.
Eventually, they untangle and stand. Eddie watches as Buck lays some flowers by Shannon's headstone. This is why he loved Buck, so thoughtful and understanding. He rubs his hand on Buck's back as Buck moves some dirt from the stone, making it look clean before standing, letting Eddie run his arm around his waist.
"I promise you Shannon, while there is breath in my body, I will be there for Chris and Eddie, making sure they're both happy," Buck says. Eddie smiles as he rests his head on Buck's shoulders and looks down at the headstone.
"Thank you, Ev. I did…."
"Ed's, you don't have to thank me. We are in this together, and I'm not going anywhere. Come on, let's go to the doctor's. Leave your truck here I'll come get it later," Buck explains as he wraps Eddie in another hug, kissing the man on the cheek He won't tell Eddie the fear he has of not being able to do this if they find out it's the worst case. He would get as many kisses in as he could.
"I know, but still, thank you. I need to ask Abuela if she can have Chris tonight. I don't think I can face him today," Eddie explains. He knew how clever Chris was. He would suss out that something was bothering Eddie, and the last thing Eddie wanted was Chris panicking about losing another parent.
"Oh shit.. Abuela, do you think I can call her? I need to apologize," Buck blurts out, making Eddie laugh.
"Why do you need to apologize?"
"I kinda hung up on her earlier when I was in panic mode because I couldn't find you. I waited at the doctor's for you but then you never appeared, so I called her and she mentioned Shannon and I hung up," Buck says sheepishly. "So really it's your fault."
"Woah, I am not taking the blame for you hanging up. You can deal with that on your own." Eddie chuckles but starts coughing.
"I think that's a sign to get somewhere warm, don't you?"
"Yeah, to the doctors, I guess?" Eddie states. He could see the surprise in Buck's eyes, obviously that they go home instead of the doctors, but is glad when he just offers his hand to hold.
They start walking out of the cemetery hand in hand. Eddie felt at ease because of how nice it was just to walk with the man he loved. He looks around as they enter a walkway with trees that had plaques for people who wanted to be scattered as ashes, but whose families wanted somewhere to visit. The wind blows and the autumn leaves fall around them as they walk.
Buck couldn't believe how happy he was, for finding Eddie and being able to call him his. The walk through the cemetery comes to an end, and they climb into Buck's jeep and make their way to the doctor's office.
The ride there had Eddie's stomach turning over and over. Would it be good or bad news, what was the prognosis if it was bad, would it be an early stage which was easier to treat or was he further along? The worrying thoughts set tears to start falling.
"Hey, Don't worry until you have the results. Remember positive thoughts, babe," Buck says, giving Eddie's hand a gentle squeeze. But Buck knew he was over analyzing everything, most likely more than Eddie was right then.
"I know, it's just… well there's so much to think about," Eddie says as he looks out the window, unable to face his boyfriend.
"Ed's, I can't even start to think about what you must be thinking about, but I know you're going straight to the worst case so don't. Let's enjoy this," Buck says, raising their linked hands.
"Eyes on the road." Eddie smiles at Buck.
"Ugh such a passenger driver." Buck smirks back before focusing on the road.
Eddie flicks the radio on, hoping that the dull tone of the crappy radio station Buck listens to (but he will never tell him that) will drown out his thoughts.
As it starts to play, Eddie listens and begins humming along; it was one of his favorites growing up.
"Take on me (take on me), Take me on (take on me) I'll be gone In a day or two," Buck sings out loud, and Eddie looks at him and smiles as they squeeze each other's hand.
"Oh, the things that you say, yeah, Is it life or Just to play my worries away? ,You're all the things I've got to remember, You're shying away, I'll be coming for you anyway." They both sing and smile even more.
They sing for the rest of the drive to the doctor. No matter the song, they just sing. It feels normal and Eddie loves it. But he knows now that his favorite song has gotten a new meaning, and that is something he will hold on to.
As they pull up into a parking space, Eddie is hit by a wave of nerves and places a hand on the dashboard.
"It's ok, babe, I have you." He feels Buck's hands rubbing his back, and he can feel the calmness coming but still the nerves were there. However, with Buck by his side, he knew it would be ok.
"Thank you, Evan, and I mean it, for everything. You have so much going on, losing your home, Jones and his weird vendetta against you, but you're still here," Eddie states as he sits up to look at Buck.
"You are the most important thing to me right now. Everything else can take a back seat. We will take it a step at a time, ok?" Buck says as he reaches his free hand over and cups Eddie's cheek. He takes note of how Eddie leans in to it.
Eddie nods and leans forward, and they share a kiss before breaking apart and getting out of the car. Once on their way in, they link fingers and grin. They both knew they most likely wouldn't be able to smile later. Eddie knew it was bad news, Buck thought it would be ok and they would leave with relief.
"So? Is "Take On Me" our song now?" Buck asks as they walk through the door. Eddie is thrown by the question but glad as it was Buck being Buck.
"I guess it is." Eddie smiles as he walks to the desk. "Hi, I'm Edmundo Diaz. The doctor asked me to come in about my test results," Eddie says to the receptionist.
"I mean there are worse songs for us to have, and so many decent ones we could have as ours. But I'm happy with it," Buck says, rubbing his hand on Eddie's back.
"Mr. Diaz, take a seat. The doctor will call you shortly," The receptionist explains and points to the chairs.
They make their way over and sit down, Eddie starts to think too much again, and his legs start to bounce up and down. It comes to a stop when Buck places his hand on it, gently rubbing a circle.
"It will be ok. I'm right here," Buck says, giving him a smile.
"Mr. Diaz, the doctor will see you now," The receptionist interrupts. Before Eddie can think what to do, his body is walking into the doctor's office, Buck's hand linked to his.
"Mr. Diaz, please take a seat, and who is this?" the doctor asks, looking at Buck.
"Evan Buckley," Buck says, holding his hand out to shake the doctor's
"He's my boyfriend," Eddie all but blurts out and can see the red glow in Buck's cheeks. It was wholesome to see.
"Well I'm glad you brought someone. Let's talk about the…,'' the doctor starts but is cut off.
"Let's cut to the chase. I've waited and stressed long enough. Tell me what it is?" Eddie asks.
"Ok, as you know we did a biopsy and more blood tests to check your cell counts. I'm sorry to say, but you are in stage 1 of testicular cancer based on the results and the markers we have seen." Eddie doesn't hear much else. Everything goes blank as he fades out and breaks down, feeling Buck pull him close. His worst fears hit him. He wouldn't be around for his family.