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Chapter 34: Love in a Hopeless Place

Naruto's P.O.V.

BEEP! BEEP! BEEP!

The violent sound of my alarm penetrates the morning silence. My eyes squint open at the sound. Blindly, I search for the off button, knocking over several things in the process, before finally turning it off. After yawning loudly, I rub my hand over my exhausted face. My lower half gives an uncomfortable sensation between sleeping on my tails and my morning boner.

"I need to stop sleeping on my back. My tails are too uncomfortable,"

I roll over to stare into the peaking sun's rays.

"Morning already? And yet, another sleepless night. This fuckin sucks,"

Groaning heavily, I swing my feet over the side of the bed before standing. I work out the kinks in my back, neck, and joints while walking towards the window. I throw back the curtains and look to the right. Slivers of the village peak out from the side. My apartment never had the greatest view, but I can at least get some sunlight to come through. I unlock the window, push it upwards, and lean on the sill. The morning breeze warms my naked skin, hair and fur. I look down to see more hair growing on my arms, legs, and chest. Bringing a clawed hand to my chin, I can feel some stubble also growing there.

"I'm getting a little hairy. Maybe I should shave?"

"I think you look fine,"

"Of course, you think it's fine. You're covered in fur!"

"So?"

"So, you're a fox demon; specifically, the Nine-Tails Fox Demon. You're meant to look like that,"

"And you're my son. Not so much biologically, but we're apart of each other. So, naturally, you're going to inherit some of my physical attributes. Don't fight it, kit. You're gonna be one hairy man,"

"You're not making this any better,"

"What do you care? You're mated to Sasuke Uchiha. Like he's gonna give a damn about you looking like a fox in the very near future? You ARE a fox, ya know. Even without me, you still were gonna look kind of like one. It's just thanks TO me that you'll look more like one," he chuckles at my obvious annoyance, "Oh and don't think about just shaving it off, it'll just keep growing back, but thicker,"

"Must you be so cynical this early in the morning? I haven't even had a chance to have a good day,"

"Oh, cheer up. You're going to see your mate today, no? That should be enough to cheer you up, right?"

"Yeah I guess so. I just wish he'd talk to me… even just once," I say while turning around so my back is to the window.

"He still hasn't said anything? It's been what? Three total months since he's been locked up, right? What, did the kid take a vowel of silence?"

"I don't know what's going on in his head. I know he's suffering inside. He's been through so much since I brought him back. He was on trial and almost executed for crimes he didn't commit, minus the ones he did do, just to be locked away in a cell. That's no way to live. Not for anyone,"

"Give it time, kit. He'll come around soon enough. He's probably just trying to process everything still,"

Sighing heavily, I run a callous hand through my wild, golden hair, "I know, I know. But, sometimes I wonder… was it right to even bring him back here?"

"What would you have done instead? Let him perish?"

"Of course not! I would never let anything happen to him. I just… I just… want for things to go back the way they were before all this even started,"

"But, you knew that was never going to happen, right? Your mate committed some heinous crimes. There was no way he was not going to be imprisoned for them. You're not Hokage. You can't give him a pardon. And, even if you were, you still would have had to jump through hoops to get the other Kages to pardon him. He still would have had to been on trial and rot in a cell until the pardon passed. Things were never going to be simple for him. You were able to physically save him, but you might have succeeded making things worse for him,"

"But… that's not what I wanted… not for him… or me… either of us… I didn't want this for any of us…"

"I know, but you have to start realizing that your hero complex can be just as dangerous as it can be helpful,"

"So, what should I do then? I can't bare to see him rotting in that prison, especially knowing I put him there,"

"You're his mate, Naruto. Just be there for him. He knows you were just trying to save him in the only way you could. The only thing you can do for him now if just be there and be patient with him. He knows you love him and would do anything for him. You've risked your life for him plenty of times. Everything else will work itself out sooner or later,"

Thinking about what Kurama is saying, I fold my arms and close my eyes. I listen to my heart throb in my ears. It's a deafening sound. Nothing comforting about it. I can feel it breaking slightly for being the one to do this to the man I love. Am I really that selfish? Have I really caused more suffering to Sasuke because of my selfishness? Does he resent me for it? Gods, I must be the worst mate on the planet.

"Not the worse. Things could be worse. I've known mates who have killed each other. So no, you're not the worst,"

"Gee, you sure know how to cheer someone up, Father,"

"Like you're sarcasm, kit. Great improvement,"

I shake my head while walking towards the shower. Turing the water on hot, I brush my teeth as the water warms up. After finishing brushing my teeth, I hope in the shower, shampoo my fur and hair, clean out my ears, and lather my body. As I clean myself, more thoughts about Sasuke and I run through my mind. I can't shake the feeling that Sasuke's suffering truly is my fault.

"Stop it. You're starting to piss me off,"

"Tell me I'm wrong then,"

"I already told you what I thought,"

"Fine. Then answer this question… Have you ever been in love?"

"What kind bullshit ass question is that?"

"Just answer it,"

"No… No, I have never known what it is like to personally be in love. We demons have no reason to experience love,"

"But you mate, right?"

"Yes?"

"What's the point of mating if you don't love them?"

"The same reason humans have sex: procreation,"

"That's fucked up,"

"In your eyes, maybe. You're breed is different from us demons. Your breed has both human and demon traits. Purely bred humans, when they existed, were filled with all kinds of emotions like love, sorrow, happiness, etc. While those emotions were fleeting to us demons. For demons, we mated to produce other strong, healthy demons. This didn't mean that we didn't care for our offspring or mates. We just merely showed it in a different way. Humans on the other hand were viewed as weak and emotional creatures who found joy in sexual desires and emotion. Unfortunately or fortunately, however you choose to look at it; the more humans and demons mated, the more your breed exists until barely any demons are left and the human race was obliterated. It's pretty tragic, but we knew this would come to happen one day.

Anyway, because demons bred with humans and your kind came to exist, you inherited traits from both demons and humans. Some of you have more human traits and some have more demon traits. But there are rare few, like you, who has a nice balance of both. That could also have something to do with me, but it doesn't matter. Either way, before I get too off topic, I'll answer your question.

No, I do not personally know what it is like to fall in love with another person. I've never even taken a mate. However, I do experience it whenever you think or talk to Sasuke. I get this annoying little twinge in the pit of my stomach. I can feel your blood pressure rising and your heart pounding along of the "walls" of my cage. It's a foreign feeling to me, but to you… it's so natural it's sickening… Stop it,"

I laugh at his explanation. "I'm sorry, but I can't,"

"And lucky me, I'm bound to you for the rest of my life,"

"Yeah… lucky us,"

"But there is one good thing I guess came from this,"

"And that would be?"

"You have softened this old demon's heart," I was about to say something corny, but Kurama stops me. "Don't read too much into that… But thank you none the less…"

"You're welcome…"

After finishing showering, I dry myself off, make breakfast, and get dressed in casual clothes. I wear long, black pants that stop half way down my calves, a white t-shirt, and a black hoodie with my red swirl on the back. I leave my headband behind, but strap on my ninja tool pouch. Giving myself another once over, I throw my hood up, strap on my sandals, and lock my door before heading to the prison.

When I come out of my apartment's ally, I shield my eyes from the sun's rays. The morning sun is bright, and the breeze is still gentle, but it gives me hope that today will be different than the other days.

"Maybe he'll talk to me today?"

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I arrive at the prison and sign myself in. The guard leads me to Sasuke's cell with a tray of food. They told me that he hasn't eaten anything since I left yesterday afternoon. It pains me to know that he's sunk so low that he's refusing to eat. With determination in my spirit, I continue into his cell.

"Good morning, sunshine. How are you feeling today?"

His back is to me, his shoulders are slumping, his ears lay flat, his tail is hanging off the side of his seat, and he refuses to acknowledge me. I swallow a lump in my throat but continue onward.

"Heard you haven't eaten since I left yesterday afternoon. What's wrong? Don't feel like eating?"

I try to smile through it, but it's getting hard.

Trying to get him to smile, I sniff the food and make an ugly face at it, "I get it. The food's not the greatest. I probably wouldn't like it either,"

Nothing. I sigh as I walk over to the chair by the bars and sit.

"Will you eat some? For me?"

I offer the food, but he doesn't take it or turn around. Giving up, I place the food beside me and lean over with my hands in my lap. For a while, we sit in an uncomfortable silence. He still refusing to acknowledge me while I run out of things to say. Giving it some more thought and thinking back to this morning, I decide to take the last resort route. I only hope it doesn't go to left for us. I turn with my back to the bars and lean against them.

"Sasuke… I'm sorry… I know I haven't been the best mate. I let you leave the village. I was the reason you ran to the arms of another man for power. I couldn't bring you back. I kept losing to you. No matter how hard I trained to get stronger for you… I failed… I have failed you countless times… I manipulated you into coming back to a village that annihilated your clan. I saved you from being executed, but I got you locked in this prison. I couldn't save you from yourself. And I only brought more suffering. But, what could I have done, Sasuke? What would you have wanted me to do? I'm selfish and all I could think about was bringing you back home and us being a family again. I never knew that I would make things worse for you. And for that… I am sorry… You probably hate me right now. And you know what? I don't blame you. I hate me too,"

Still no reply. After everything I have said. After everything I apologized for. He still refuses to speak. The silence is heart breaking. I don't think there is any other pain I have ever felt compare to this. It takes everything in me to keep from crying out. I'm being selfish again.

"I've… lost him…"

"You're an idiot…"

His coarse voice speaks into the void. I jump up and turn around, my hands gripping the bars tightly, as a shocked expression plays on my face.

"What did you say?" I whisper.

"You're an idiot and you always will be…"

A smile spreads over my face as tears gather in the corner of my eyes. "You spoke… You really said something… Say more… please… talk to me, Sasuke..."

"Stop blaming yourself… none of this is your fault… I don't hate you…"

"Then… why haven't you spoken to me in the last three months? I thought you were angry at me?"

"No… not angry… I've just had a lot of time to think… about everything…"

"What do you mean? What have you been thinking about?"

"My sins… they are too great for even me to bear. You can't bear them. Sakura can't bear them. I can't bear them… I have done so many bad things. I have killed so many innocent people. I have lost myself. And when I thought I killed you, I lost myself. But now, as I rot in this prison cell, I've done nothing but be alone with the burden of my sins. I don't deserve you… or anyone for that matter… I should have died. You should have just let me die…"

"I was never going to let you die. I need you, Sasuke. I've always needed you,"

"To do what, Naruto? Keep fucking up your life? I'm tainted. I destroy everything and everyone I touch… I don't deserve anything more than death…"

"Sasuke… look at me," I call out. When he doesn't move, I tighten my hold on the bars and scream, "LOOK AT ME!"

I wait a few moments before he finally moves. Time slows to an unbearable pace as he shifts his body do that he's sitting in front of me. His head and ears are lowered. His onyx eyes are filled with so much sorrow. I reach through the bars to cup his cheek. Black, blue hair and soft, pale skin tickle my callous hand. His head is heavy. The angle that I have to hold his head is uncomfortable, but I make it work. For the first time in three months… I can see his beautiful face. My smile softens as I force him to look in my eyes.

"Your eyes have changed, but you're still so beautiful to me,"

"Stop it. Stop saying I'm beautiful. I'm a monster and you know it. An ugly monster with a cursed heritage,"

"Listen to me, ya bastard. I'm not going to keep sitting her and listen to you say this ugly shit about yourself. I won't sugarcoat it. Yes, you have done some terrible things including murder. But, who hasn't? We are ninja. We are trained to survive, fight, and kill from young ages. Yes, you have aligned yourself with the Akatsuki and even trained with Orochimaru to gain power go defeat Itachi. But, you even said it yourself, you did it for me. You did it for us. It's my fault. The day Sakura told me that you left the village, my heart broke and all I could do was give my life to bring you home. I wanted us to fight together. I wanted us to get stronger together. I wanted us to stay together and do this together. But, I can't blame you. If I had been a better mate~"

"STOP BLAMING YOURSELF~"

"I CAN'T! IT'S MY FAULT! IT'S ALWAYS BEEN MY FAULT!" I scream, making him jump. For the first time in three months, I can see some emotion showing in his eyes. And I feel sadness welling in mine. "I'm sorry, but I can't… I can't keep letting you take the blame for sins I have also committed, especially against you. I cannot take blame for what Old Man Third and Danzo made Itachi do that night. But, I can take responsibility for not caring for you afterwards. As your mate, your alpha, I was supposed to protect you. I was supposed to heal you. I was supposed to stop you from leaving. I was supposed to be the reason you stayed… not the reason for leaving… I'm sorry. I can't call myself your alpha… if I keep failing you…"

I close my eyes to try and stop the tears from falling. It's like all Sasuke and my depression is overwhelming me. I can feel his pain, his anguish, his fears, every emotion of his is spilling into me. And it's killing me.

"Naruto… look at me…" I slowly open my eyes to see the most determination from Sasuke ever within his eyes. His dominating presence also overwhelms me. "I need you to stop blaming yourself. What I did while we were separated had nothing to do with you. I'm sorry for making you feel that you weren't a good enough mate to me, but you were. In fact, I couldn't have asked for a better one. It was never that you couldn't make me stay. I left because I wanted to protect you. The Akatsuki would not rest until you were dead, and they got the Kyuubi. I couldn't let them harm you. I wasn't going to rest until I knew you were safe. I mean much more to me than you'll ever know. I knew that the moment I left, I would die. I knew I was being selfish. I knew that you would lose me. But, as long as you were safe… I could do it without regrets. I don't deserve you. I had hoped you would have moved on from me. You deserve better than anything I could ever give you. You don't need me… you never did… I was the one who needed you,"

"No," I reach down with my other hand to grab his. I hold both his left cheek in one hand while both his hands are in my left hand. I smile at him gently and with love in my azure eyes. "We need each other. I promise that I'll be better to you. I promise to always be there for you. I promise that you'll never be alone again… You have me, and I have you…We have each other… We're together and no one will ever separate us again…"

Through his softened, onyx eyes, tears form in the corners. He tried to blink them away, but he can't. Soon, tears spill from his eyes and onto his cheeks. Nothing other than his small cries can be heard. We stay in the same position while he continues to cry. After a while, I change our position so both of our hands are cupping his face. With my thumbs, I whip away his tears.

"Shhhh. It's ok. I'm here. I've got you,"

He raises his hands to grip the front of my shirt and pulls me closer. Small, coarse whispers of apologizes leave his lips. I move both hands to grip his wrists through the bars. He continues to whisper sorrow filled apologizes. I try to calm him down, but it's best if he just lets it out. I don't know how long we stay like this, but it doesn't matter. Soon enough, he calms down and the apologizes stop. I continue to hold his wrists while his grip stays on my shirt. Nothing else is said between us, only hope. I wrap one of my tails around his and continue to comfort him. When he looks down at our linked tails, his emptied eyes turn towards me in shock and hope.

With one last smile, I whisper the words, "I love you, Sasuke,"

Something within him sparks, but I don't know what. He doesn't say it back, but that's fine. He doesn't have to say it. I can feel it. In the way he's holding me. In the way he looks at me. Everything he does shows how much he loves me. With nothing else needed to be said, we continue to sit in silence with only time passing us by.

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To Be Continued…