"I'm sorry, what?" Harry looked baffled. This was not what he expected
"Therapy, you know, talking it out. I have some good psychiatrists on my payroll and they know how to keep things to themselves" Tony answered as he took a sip from his whisky glass
"I can't tell muggles about magic" harry reasoned before he was confronted with seven doubting looks "you all don't count" he hurriedly said
"jee thanks" tony mumbled
"you know what he meant don't be a jerk" Natasha looked at harry with a sad smile "but Tony is right Harry, talking to someone who might actually be able to help on the emotional front is not a bad idea. God knows we are all too fucked up to help. I am sure SHIELD has some magical psychiatrists' you could talk to"
"I…I don't know" Harry honestly said, telling them his story was hard enough so do go into even further details might not work for him.
"well you can think about it, just know that you have the option" Bruce smiled "same for you Barnes"
Bucky looked shocked to be addressed at "me?"
"sure thing. Well once we will sort the whole 'we are keeping him' issue with SHIELD, you need to talk to someone as well" Bruce said
"I am not paying for that" Tony added before being hit on the head by Natasha
"go stand in the corner until you choose to behave"
"I have no idea what is going on" Harry admitted as he watched Iron man and the spy bicker. He looked at Bucky asking for clarification. Why did Stark hate him so much? He got the whole ex-HYDRA, but Tony had the same look Sirius had when looking at Snape- and it was not good. But on the other hand he was kind enough to accept them into his house
"I killed his parents" Bucky said causing everyone to turn to him
"You or HYDRA?" was all Harry asked
"Does it matter?" Bucky asked ignoring the looks of rage and hate aimed at him from stark
"Yes, it does. I have a friend that was made to hurt others remember? Second-year?. She couldn't control her actions or even remember them for a while, but she did, eventually. She blamed herself but no one else did"
"It's not the same kid," Bucky said with a sad smile
"Why? Did you want to kill them?" Harry asked, noticing that Stark sat a bit straighter and that Natasha had her hand on his shoulder preventing him from disturbing the conversation. Behind them, Steve and Sam looked concerned and he knew that the rest were curious to hear what Bucky has to say
"Howard was my friend" he whispered "He used to take us all out for drinks when we finished a mission, He was a good man. I never wanted to hurt him. But I did"
"but at the time…did you want to kill him?" Harry asked again
"No, I…I don't know, I don't remember" Bucky admitted
"What do you mean you don't remember?!" Tony called standing up "How could you forget?!"
"They made me forget every mission once it was done" Bucky looked at the raging Stark but did nothing to protect himself from any future hits
"you remembered me" Harry whispered
"It is different, once Pierce took over from the Russians the missions changed, the process changed"
"You don't have to tell us if you don't want to" Harry rested his hand on Bucky's shoulder. He regretted asking. He was hurting him.
"No. they need to know if I am to stay. I was planning to tell them anyway. I just didn't want you to know" Bucky looked at Harry in shame "I don't want you to see me as a monster like they see me"
"I wont, I don't think I can. Not after you helped me so much. Not after I made up my mind- Hero complex and all" He gave a weak smile
"Well! Tell us!" Tony pushed edging ever so slightly. His thoughts and emotions were entangled.
"they moved from hypnosis to electro-wiping"
"they electrocuted you!" Bruce exclaimed "They tortured you"
"this made me emotionless but, it also made me remember somethings. The missions I had, the people I killed"
"Your past?" Steve asked
"No. whenever I began to remember my past they would wipe me again to make me forget" his hand twitched ever so slightly as he recalled the pain "but after Washington I began to remember things more clearly, faces, voices, events. Everything is coming back piece by piece. When I dream or when I hear a familiar sound" Bucky looked up at Tony who was pale as a ghost "ever since I remembered what I did there is no day that goes by when I don't wish it was me and not Howard that died"
"I…I need to think" was all Tony said before he took off leaving the room as quite as a tomb
"I am sorry" Harry said "I always bring out your worst memories"
"non of that kid, it needed to be said. He needed to know and I needed to explain. I honestly don't think he would have listen if you weren't here" Bucky said
"I think this is a good time to let Fury know about all of this" Clint said as he stood up
"wouldn't he already know? About me that is" Harry asked
"SHEILD doesn't have you on file, HYDRA never put you in their database. Strucker wouldn't risk anyone discovering your potential and while SHEILD knows about your world, I believe there is an agreement to separate the two unless there is a danger that could affect the normal world" Natasha said "I looked you up when I joined them but once I couldn't find anything I guessed it would be better for them not to know, I am sorry"
"so you knew from the start how they treated him?" Bucky asked
"Yes, but I honestly thought it was better than HYDRA or the Red Room. Even SHEILD would have used him" she admitted "I truly am sorry Harry, but no matter what you would have suffered"
"Story of my life" he said in a bitter tone as he stopped Bucky from talking "the past is the past and there is no changing it"
"do they know about the whole terrorist organization that is after Harry?" Steve asked
"I don't know" Natasha admitted "I never cared enough to check further about your world"
"then I will go update Fury" Clint said as he left
"I think this day has been enough" Steve said "lets go find you two some rooms you can use and you can rest until dinner is ready, unless you want to eat something now?"
"No thanks" Harry smiled weakly. Thor's pop tarts filled him up and Bucky had some snacks on the taxi to the city. They were both used to little.
"ok, just ask JARVIS if you change your mind" Steve seemed a bit uncertain but didn't push any further
" you can use the rooms on my floor" Thor offered "I have much space but I only use one room while I am on earth and it is also the highest floor and it has runic protection against magic"
"That sounds nice, Thanks Thor" Harry smiled not noticing Steve disappointed look at the thought of not having Bucky close to him but he had to admit magic protection sounded better for Harry's sake
"where did you get magic runes?" Sam asked before looking horrified "oh god, magic, I just referred to it as a completely normal thing"
"Sam…" Steve warned as he gestured to Harry who looked very uncomfortable at the moment
"ho shit! No kid! Not you! You are cool and all it's just two years ago aliens were fiction and now I am in a room with a god and a wizard. I am just shocked at how crazy my life is" Sam said In a fast pace waving his hands around looking very apologetic "You are a good kid! Nothing is wrong with you!"
The room was tense for a moment but they all relaxed as Harry started laughing a bit and shook his head "it's fine, I guess it is a lot to take in"
"then come with me brothers" Thor boomed as he rose from the couch and led them to the elevator. Bucky took Harry's bag with him following closely.
Overall it all turned out alright.
By dinner time they all returned to the same floor they first assembled at. JARVIS ordered pizza for them all. The moment Harry admitted to never have pizza before the avengers started to argue which toppings he should try first and what was best.
Tony was nowhere to be found but no one mentioned the missing member, all pretending that it was normal when everyone knew it was not.
Clint said Fury wanted to meet him tomorrow (he wanted to come today but another agent named Coulson advised that they should compile all the information they had first). Bucky was to be confined to the tower until further notice and no one was to mention his existence until Fury decide how to continue. Surprisingly he had not objected to Bucky's stay at the tower saying only that if Stark has no problem with that arrangement neither does he- being in a place filled with superheroes in case he would relapse is the safest bet right now.
By the time Harry went to bed his stomach was full and he was warm- a huge change from other summers. And as he closed his eyes, he realized it was the first time he didn't feel alone in his life. Sure he had Hermione and Ron as well as the others but they never knew how it was to have no choice- they were good friends so they stood by him but they choose to do that and they left when they wanted to leave. He never had that luxury and the avengers knew how that felt to be handed responsibility without being asked before.
Maybe he won't have to suffer all alone, maybe others will share his burden or take it away.
Some floors bellow Harry, Tony set in his lab staring at an old picture of his father with the Howling commandoes. Barnes was there as well, on his father's left, smiling as he raised a glass in the air and wrapped his hand around his father's shoulder. They looked happy, content, they were friends. But then his eyes kept on drifting to the report on his parent's death. He kept remembering the footage of the winter soldier killing his father and mother as they begged for help. As his father plead his friend to stop. His rational side knew Barnes was a victim as well but he was too emotional- always was, and it was hard to forgive the man who took his family away.
He then remembered Harry's eyes as they looked at Bucky, the hopeful looks, the tears he shed as he told them his story, the fire they held as he protected Barnes and he couldn't bring himself to hate the man the same way he did before. Barnes saved Harry when the rest of the world failed him. Maybe he should talk to someone as well? Maybe he should try for Pepper as well. She was at his side but he could see the weight on her shoulders increase every time he woke up in terror and every time he drank too much to dull the pain. He was hurting her as well.
The world needed Iron man but Tony Stark needed some time to recover. Maybe Harry coming to them was what he needed to see it, to start healing as well