Author's Note: Hey everyone! I'm really happy to see people enjoying the story. I wanted to give you guys a warning about this chapter though before you read it. There will be a lot of angst and heartbreak here between our main couple. They will be dealing with some real-world problems that may be a trigger for some of you, so I apologize in advance. It's nothing too bad, but I still wanted to make you guys aware first. Please read with slight caution.
Reviewer Shout Out and Contest Winner: I would like to congratulate Jnaruko on being June's contest winner. Jnaruko, please look in your emails for a message from me about your prize! Keep up the reviews and support! I love you guys!
Honorable Reviewer Shout Outs: I-Love-Trunks1, KaraChica, and Xararudolf90.
Warnings for This Chapter: a lot of angst, drunken Naruto, depressed Sasuke, mentions of slight trauma and abortions.
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Chapter 56: Aborted Confessions
Naruto's P.O.V.
"I'm home," I sigh as I walk through our apartment door at 7 o'clock in the evening.
"In the kitchen," Sasuke calls from further into the house. I peel off my sandals before finding him in the kitchen finishing dinner. He watches me with a smirk as I lean against him and wrap my arms around his waist, "Tsunade worked you like a slave again?" he teases.
"You know it," I say, kissing his cheek, before leaning against the corner beside him, "I swear that woman gets off on seeing me do all her paperwork for her,"
"Well, just think, you'll be doing this too when you take over for her,"
"Gods, I hope not. I mean, don't get me wrong, I know that the Hokage has to fill out a lot of paperwork. But there's no way there are mountains of it every day. I just think that's from her slacking,"
"Could be," he shrugs while turning down the eye of the stove, "Why don't you go shower. Dinner will be ready when you get out,"
"Alright,"
I turn to leave to go into our room, pick out some comfortable clothes, and enter the bathroom. I begin my nightly routine by running the shower as hot as my skin can take it before stepping under the showerhead. Because of my massive foxtails and needing to clean myself properly, I had to install a detachable showerhead. It's definitely made showering a lot easier and Sasuke might love it more than me. I shampoo both my hair and tails, careful not to get any in my ears, and take to lathering up my body.
Thoughts of the day's events and Sasuke pass through my mind. Granny and I had a meeting about the Akatsuki earlier. She's disturbed that they have been really quiet since I defeated Pain and feels uneasy about it. I can't say I don't share her concerns, but I am grateful for the mini-break that it brought. I finally get to have some Hokage and leadership training and sitting in and observing when Granny has her meeting. I even got to give some advice and recommendations a time or two. It's helped boost my confidence and makes me more excited to take on the Hokage role. I have even been working on influencing people's opinion of Sasuke.
Even though it is not publicly known about us being mates, it will eventually. Sasuke and I have talked about it extensively on serval occasions. I want to be the one to shout to the whole world that he's my beta mate and that I love him, where he would prefer to stay out of the public eye for the time being. He's assured me that it has nothing to do with shame. In fact, he's even told me that he would be fine with me making a public announcement once I become Hokage. His main concern is thinking that he will be the reason I either won't be Hokage or will have to choose between him and my dream. I just wish he'd understand that he is a part of my dream too. Sure, if it ever came down to me choosing between being Hokage and being with Sasuke, of course, I would choose Sasuke. But I would do whatever it takes to give him and our future children the best life. And right now, the only way I know how is by being Hokage. At least that way I know I will be strong enough to protect them. However, that is a topic for another day, if Sasuke will ever discuss it.
He doesn't know that I created the jutsu to let him have kids yet. Because he is a beta, Sasuke cannot have children; only omegas can have children with or without a mate. This makes things a little difficult for us, but with Kurama's help, I finally finished the jutsu to fix everting. The only thing that pisses me off is Sasuke's unwillingness to discuss having children. Anytime I bring it up, he either tries to change the subject or walks away from me. Either way, we end up fighting about it to the point he doesn't talk to me for at least a day or two. And even then, all he does is apologize and say we'll talk about it later, but we never do. I just wish that he'd talk to me. I want to surprise him with the jutsu after the war, that way we have more time and less stress to deal with, and I hope we can finally talk about it. I can understand if he's nervous about us starting a family. Hell, I can understand him having anxiety about being pregnant; and if I could place the jutsu on myself and let him impregnate me, then I would. I know he wouldn't like that idea, but I would do it if it would help him, help us. I just wish he would just talk to me, even if it was to tell me that he doesn't want to ever have kids. I know I wouldn't be ok with it at first, but at least I'd finally have an answer to his odd behavior on the subject and I can take time to get over my desires, or at least get him to change his mind. Even though Sasuke has opened up to me a great deal since I brought him back to the village, there are a few things I know he's hiding from me. I just wish he'd see that I will still love him no matter what he tells me.
Feeling the water turn chilly, I thoroughly rinse my tails and body off until there isn't any shampoo or soap left. I turn the water off and shake dry in the bathtub before grabbing my towel and drying the rest of my body. I hang the towel back up, blow dry my tails and hair, and get dressed in a shirtsleeve shirt and some sweatpants. I look in the mirror a final time before leaving the bathroom. I head to the dining room to see Sasuke sitting at the table with two full bowls of food and his hands under the chabudai.
I can tell something about him is off because his long, raven bangs are hiding his face and his ears are folded back. I approach with caution on the opposite side and sit down. I reach for my chopsticks, say my grace, and start eating. I feel uncomfortable under Sasuke's intense stare. I can't place the emotion. There's no anger but there's definitely some confusion and anxiety there. I try to continue eating until the awkward silence and his stare becomes too much.
I put my bowl of food down with a sigh and look at him, "Sasuke, what's wrong with you? You're scaring me. Come on, talk to me," he doesn't say anything, so I try again, "Sasu~"
"Why do you have a scroll to make betas males give birth?" he suddenly says.
The question makes a thousand of my own questions race through my head. I start to feel lightheaded and anxious. To calm myself, I take a few deep breaths and scratch the back of my head while nervously laughing, "Oh you found that, huh? I guess you ruined the surprise,"
"Why. Do you. Have. A scroll. To make. Beta males. Give birth?" he repeats through gritted teeth.
"I created it for you. To help us have kids. I just thought that the reason you never liked discussing the topic was that you couldn't have them. So, for the past year, I worked on this jutsu to help you with giving birth. I was actually going to surprise you with it after the war. Do you like it?"
"Do I like it? Is that a serious question?"
"Well yeah. I just figured~"
"You're always just figuring, Naruto. You always think you know the answers to everyone's problems instead of leaving them alone. When in reality, you don't know shit!" he yells as he stands up and throws the scroll at me.
"Whoa, Sasuke you need to calm down," I say, standing with him so we're almost eye to eye.
"Calm down?! Calm down?! How am I supposed to be calm when my mate, of all people, keeps trying to force me to talk about a subject I could do without?! And on top of that, you go an create a jutsu that makes me gives birth?! So, what was your plan, Naruto Uzumaki?! Were you going to place this jutsu on me when I was sleeping or something, have sex with me and get me pregnant without my consent?!"
"Sasuke, what the hell got into you?! You know I would never do anything like that! I wanted to surprise you with it after the war so we could talk about the option of having children. I know you can't have children because you're a beta, so I thought this would be a nice alternative. And it's really simple too. I would use Kurama's chakra to mold a makeshift womb inside of you and~"
"I DON'T CARE HOW THE FUCK IT WORKS!" he yells with his fists clenching and his body physically shaking with rage.
"Sasuke, you need to calm down~"
"You need to stop trying to force your dreams and wants onto me! Have you ever considered what I want?!"
"Don't you dare play that shit with me, Sasuke! You know that I always value your wants, but how the fuck am I supposed to know what you want if you never tell me?!" I yell back.
"Why can't you ever just leave the shit alone. You're so fucking annoying," he growls as he pinches the bridge of his nose.
At this point, I can feel myself violently shaking with rage as my claws dig into my palms, "You know what? Fuck this. We're going to talk about this; right here, right now because I am sick of you always either walking away from me or avoiding the topic. And then, you worry me sick by not talking to me for a day or two, so I think I royally messed up, only for you to apologize and promise we'll talk about it later, but we never do. That's not fair, Sasuke. You can't just do shit like that Sasuke! You have to give me anything. You know I want kids; I've made that incredibly obvious. But I don't know what you want. You can't have kids because you're a beta, so it's not like we have to worry about you accidentally getting pregnant or anything like that. So why can't we be adults and have a conversation about this?! Hell, you can tell me to fuck off and say that you don't want kids and I'd be ok with that,"
"Bullshit you would,"
"Yeah, I would Sasuke. I mean, not at first, no. But eventually, I would get over it if that's what you wanted. You're my mate and I'm your alpha. I care about your wants and needs dude,"
"So, you mean to tell me that I said I don't want kids right now, you wouldn't devise a plan to convenience overwise later down the line?" he asks with a glare and his arms crossing over his chest. I open my mouth to argue but nothing comes out, so I close it and look away with a tsk, "See, this is what I'm talking about. You're talking about shit you know nothing about. Why can't you just leave shit alone? Why do you always have to have answers to questions instead of just accepting things the way they are?"
"Why can't you be an adult and have a decent conversation," I grumble with my arms crossing too.
"I heard that," he says, his glare intensifying. I refuse to say anything or look at him, so I just turn my back towards him and sit on the floor, "Gods, you're such a child,"
"That makes two of us. At least one of us was willing to talk and understand the other,"
"You don't have to worry about having another abortion!" he yells but I can tell he immediately regrets it.
The word abortion repeats in my head too many times to count and confuses me more, "Having an abortion? What is he talking about?" I turn around to face him but all I see is shock and embarrassment staring back at me, "Sasuke… what do you mean when you said, "I don't have to worry about having another abortion?". Did you have an abortion? Were you pregnant before?" A long, awkward, deafening silence stretches between us. I feel my anxiety rising as my pulse quickens, "Answer me, Sasuke. Were you pregnant before?" I again ask.
"… … Yes…" he finally answers.
"But how? You're a beta. Betas can't get pregnant, when would you have been pregnant? Was it Orochimaru? Did he do something to you? Was it one of his experiments? Was it~"
"Naruto!" he calls out, stopping my ranting of questions. His body is shaking again but this time I can smell fear and anxiety on him. It scares me, "Orochimaru didn't do anything to me. He was the one who told me I was pregnant,"
"But… you're a beta… I'm still not understanding~"
"I'm not a beta. I'm an omega. I have always been an omega since my first heat, Naruto. I just never told you that," he quietly says as he looks away from me.
The intensity of shock washes over me. I feel my knees weaken but I force myself to move. I get close to him and place my hands on his shoulders. He visibly tenses as I lean down and sniff his neck for a moment. When I'm done, I stand as tall as I can, never taking my hands off his shoulders, and look at him but his eyes are still looking at the wall to our right.
"You smell like a beta, Sasuke. How can you sit here and lie to me about being an omega when I can clearly smell the scent of beta on you? Sasuke, please don't play games with me,"
He takes a shaky breath as he closes his eyes, "I'm not lying. I am an omega. I just didn't know it until I got my first heat. Everyone knows an alpha when they are born because of the scent they give off. They are powerful and meant for survival the moment they are born. Anyone born with a weaker scent won't know their class until they have their first heat. Unlike my bother Itachi, I had a weaker scent, so they knew I would either be an omega or a beta. It was only a matter of waiting until my heat came,"
"But we were together when we were younger. You told me you were a beta,"
"I only assumed I was. I didn't know for sure. I had never gotten my heat and well I had to answer you. When I asked Lady Tsunade before leaving she told me that that I could have possibly had my heat late or you might have already cured me since we were mated by then,"
"What do you mean?"
"When a beta or omega's heat comes, there are two ways to get it to go away, either mate with an alpha or self-isolation for three days. At the time, you and I were pretty much fucking like two jackrabbits and eventually mated. Lady Tsunade said that even if my heat came late, if I was already mated or engaging in constant sexual intercourse, then I would not feel the effects of my heat nor would my scent be so strong. That could have been the reason you didn't smell it on me at the time. I was also taking birth control and suppressants at the time to be cautious either way. I didn't want too many people knowing my status just yet until I could get a handle on things, you included,"
"So, I take it you found out you were an omega when you found out you were pregnant?" I ask.
He nods, "About a couple of months before I left the village, I ran out of my suppressants. I figured that as long as I had my suppressants and if I was a beta anyway it wouldn't have mattered about the birth control. I felt a little strange during that time and really craved you. I didn't think it was my heat, but I was also stupid at the time. Well after we had sex a few times that night, I was fine, and the feeling went away. I just figured I was really horny for you that night. Well anyway, afterward I went to buy my birth control pills. But you kept snooping around my house, on top of us having missions back to back, and you and I having sex constantly, I couldn't really take them until you left to bring Lady Tsunade to the village. Then, after we fought and I arrived at Orochimaru's Hideout, I immediately vomited and collapsed. While I was out, he examined me and when I woke up delivered the news to me,"
I stand there for a while, my hands still on his shoulders, as I try to keep myself together. I gulp down some spit before speaking, "So, Orochimaru told you that you were both omega and pregnant? And that baby was mine? You were pregnant with our first child?"
"8 weeks and 3 days he said. He also said that the fetus was strong to have survived the travel and our fight. The heartbeat was strong, but it was so tiny. I was scared, petrified even. Not only did I find out that I was an omega, but that I was pregnant with our first child early on too. He asked me what I wanted to do. I sat on the information for the first week of being there. I thought about you and just coming back. But I just couldn't. I couldn't do that you, to me, and to the child growing inside of me… so I had him abort it… After that, he created stronger medicine for me to take to hide my omega statues. I've been trying to find a time and way to tell you about me being an omega, but I… wasn't planning on ever telling you about the abortion… I didn't want to hurt you with another of my mistakes…"
I let all of the information sinks into my head, but it isn't staying. I feel overwhelmed. There's too much to process; too many emotions coursing through me. I want to scream, cry, and fall apart. I want to do it all and for once, I can't bring myself to care how Sasuke is feeling right now. Without staring at anything, in particular, I walk over to the couch and sit down with my head in my hands.
"So, when were you ever going to tell me you were an omega? When you "accidentally" got pregnant again?" Him not saying anything enrages me more, "Oh so you're not going to say anything now?! Big bad Sasuke ran out of confessions and anger at me, huh?! Fucking classic Sasuke," I manically laugh as I cover my face, "I can't believe this. I can't fucking believe this. You're an omega. That part I can deal with. Hell, I'm even happy about it. But the abortion? I don't even know where to start,"
"Naru~"
"Don't. You don't get to speak. You don't get to yell at me and make me feel like shit for trying to help you or have a conversation with you about our future when you've been hiding this from me all these years. You aborted our first child, Sasuke. A part of me and you that we created. I can't believe you,"
"What would you have me do, Naruto?"
"You could have come home! You can come home and be with me. You were considered as a Hidden Leaf shinobi who was kidnapped, not defected. Granny Tsunade allowed for people of this village, I included, to chase after your selfish ass while you chased after your revenge!"
"I was only 13, Naruto and so were you! We weren't ready for parents!"
"No, you weren't ready! Yeah, we were both 13 years old, but you weren't too young to accept me as your alpha! You even said you were going to give up your plans for revenge until Itachi showed up at the Chunin Exams! Don't give me that shit, Sasuke!"
"And don't try and tell me that we would have done what was best for that child, Naruto! Neither of us was ready to throw our lives away! We were too young!"
"You were a coward!" I yell back, causing him to visibly flinch as his eyes grow wide in shock, "You were a coward who aborted our child without consulting me. You made a decision without me. You decided what was best for us without me. How… how can you expect me to just be ok with that? I get it's your body and you did what you thought was best, but you never once thought how it would affect me, did you?" he turns his head away from me again with a sad look on his face.
I feel tears forming in the corner of my eyes. I can't be here anymore, so I head towards the door and put my sandals on, "Where are you going?"
"Out. I… can't be around you right now…" I stand up and grab the door handle, "You know Sasuke, I 've always believed that there's nothing you could do to make me not forgive you. Hell, I even walked through the deepest parts of your hell and forgave you for your previous sins. But this… I don't know if I can forgive this…"
Just as I open the door I hear, "Are you coming back…?"
I stand there for a moment, my feet unwilling to move. I take a deep breath, "I don't know," I finally answer before stepping through and closing the door behind me.
I let my back hit the door and stay there for a moment. My heart is rapidly beating with sorrow as I let the conversation replay in my head. The tears I've been holding back finally fall down my cheeks and I start to cry. No one is around me as I let the sobs rake my body until I feel numb and empty.
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I don't know how long I cried my apartment door, but eventually, I made my way to the swing by the Academy and sat down. The sun had set a long time ago, so it has to be close to about 9 o'clock at night. Who knows. It doesn't really matter anyway, I don't feel like going home. I use the tips of my toes to slightly swinging back and forth as I continue to let the conversation play in my head. The tears have dried, but the sadness and emptiness are still there. I am at a loss of what to do. Kurama has tried talking and cheering me up, but I just sent him away. I really just want to be alone right now.
"Naruto? Is that you?"
I look up to see Choji, Shikamaru, Kiba, and Neji walking towards me. Deciding not to say hi, I push off the swing, stuff my hands in my pockets, and turn the opposite way.
"Yo Naruto, where are you going?" Choji calls out.
"Sorry guys, but I need to be alone right now,"
"Naruto, what is the matter? I sense great sorrow coming from you?" Neji asks.
"Guys, seriously. Not now," I say while throwing a tired look over my shoulder.
"What's the matter? You and Sasuke get into a fight," I hear Kiba slightly chuckle.
I turn around to face them. I see all of them, except Neji, visibly flinch at my tired, tear swollen eyes and slouched figure. Shikamaru slaps Kiba on the back on the head with a glare before walking over to me. He and I are the same height, but he slouches himself to meet me at eye level.
"You look like shit, man. So, I understand about wanted to be left alone,"
"Thanks," I say getting ready to turn around and leave.
"Or," he continues, "You can let us treat you to some ramen and sake to help ease your mind of things,"
I think it over for a moment, glancing between Shika and the other three before shaking my head, "Thanks but no thanks. I still would rather be left alone,"
"Oh well, suit yourself," Shikamaru shrugs before turning away from me.
"So, you're going to leave me alone, just like that?"
"Yep," he calls back without looking at me.
"What's the catch?"
"There's no catch. You're our friend. You obviously need some support, but I can't do anything if you won't accept it. You're a big boy. You know where to find us if you need us,"
"But Shika~," Kiba says but is interrupted when the male deer hits him over the head again.
"I feel like you're manipulating me," I lightly glare as I suddenly find myself following them.
"It's not manipulation if you recognize you need it," Neji smirks.
"Yeah, plus who can be sad when you have food and drink in your stomach," Choji cheers.
"Yeah, I guess you're right. Thanks, guys," I sigh.
"Yeah, man. What are friends for anyway, besides giving you shit," Kiba brightly grins with an arm around my shoulders.
I give a light smile in return as we make our way to Ichiraku's.
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They buy a bowl of ramen noodles and a bottle of sake for us to share. I play with the food at first, not really feeling hungry. But after some encouragement, I finally start eating. Soon we have another bowl and some sake in our systems, me more than them.
"Now I know you manipulated me," I hiccup as I swallow another cup of sake.
"How do you figure?" Neji smirks.
"Because I'm the only one drunk out of the five of us,"
"You might also have a low tolerance or nothing on your stomach, but you caught us. It was one of the only ways to get you talking," Shikamaru explains while leaning back in his chair.
"Yeah. But in our defense, we are pretty buzzed right now too, so you're fine," Kiba commented while taking another sip of his sake. "So, you gonna tell us what's bothering you or not?"
I sigh into my empty cup as I replay for them the conversation between Sasuke and I. I had forgotten that most of them, especially Choji and Kiba didn't know that Sasuke and I are mates, so that took some extra time. Finally, I get through my recount of the events and wait for their response.
"Damn dude. That's… Fuck man," Is all Kiba says.
"Tell me about it," I sigh again while finishing my sake and the third bowl of noodles.
"So Uchiha is an omega and had an early abortion at the age of 13. That's definitely a lot for someone like him to deal with in his position," Neji comments with his arms folding over his chest.
"Yeah and I'm pissed about it. Why couldn't he have just come home or trust that we would have gotten through it together?"
"Well, put yourself in his shoes," Shikamaru says.
"Are you defending the dude, Shika?" Choji asks.
"Not entirely. I'm just trying to argue both sides," he defends before continuing, "Granted yes, what Sasuke did was terrible; not because he had the abortion but because he made the decision without Naruto. However, Naruto you even told us that Sasuke's life has been fucked up from the moment his brother slaughtered his clan, right? Do you think Sasuke would have given up his revenge for your family, especially when the truth came out?"
"But how do you know he wouldn't have?" Kiba questions.
"I don't but look at it this way. We were all on that team to retrieve him and you even fought him before he officially defected to Orochimaru. At the time you two had already been mates, right?" I nod, "Just because you two are mates doesn't mean that both of you share the same future or goals, the previous event leading up to this point are excellent examples of this. Even though he defected on his own, Sasuke saw Orochimaru as an answer to his problems at the time. He needed to get stronger to protect both you and avenge his clan. However, things got more complicated when more information and players were brought into the mix. In a sense, Sasuke has been nothing but a victim all his life with barely any control over it. I believe this is the first time he actually had some form of control over his life and did what he thought was best for both of you. He's right about one thing, you both were children and ill-equipped to care for a child. You may have thought that things would have worked out, but you don't know that. How do you know that he wouldn't have resented you? How do you know that he wouldn't have gone off on his own later and left you with the kid to pursue his revenge path, especially having all of the information he found out? All I'm saying is that, if I were in his position, I wouldn't have left that out of my options either and probably would have chosen it too,"
Even though the sake is setting in and I can feel myself getting drunker, I can somewhat get his logic behind it, "I'm too drunk for this right now. But I hate it when you're right,"
"Then you're going to hate me 90% of the time," he chuckles.
"Bastard," I laugh back. "It's really late. I should get going," I pull out my frog wallet to give them some money.
"Your money is no good here," Neji says with a hand on top of my wallet.
"Yeah. Go home, makeup with SasUKE, and pass out. We'll take care of the bill," Kiba laughs at his joke.
"You know, if he heard you say that, he'd kill you," I joke with a smile.
"And it'd be funny too," Choji laughs with food in his mouth.
"Thanks, guys. I really needed this. Be careful getting home," I wave to them before heading home.
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When I get home, I try to put the keys in the door and fail miserably, "Stupid keys. Stupid door. Stupid sake,"
After a few more tries, I finally make it into the door and slam into it with my back. I curse as I slide to the ground and remove my sandals. After I get them off, I throw them off to the side. My arms rest on my upward, bent knees and my head drops between them. At least the apartment is dark. My head would spin if there was any source of light right now.
"Having some trouble?"
I look up to see Sasuke walking towards me, "I am drunk, and the room is spinning,"
"Yeah, I can tell. Need some help?"
"No," I try to stand up but end up sliding back down, "Yes," He walks towards me and grabs my hand. He manages to pull me up, but he has to support me as we walk further into the apartment, "Just drop me off on the couch and let me die,"
"Fine,"
He throws me onto the couch, and I land on my back. I throw an arm over my eye's ad my left leg dangles off the back of the couch. Soon he comes back with a pillow and a blanket, "Thanks,"
"You've gotta stop drinking so much,"
"Shhhhhh. You're not my boss," I watch as Sasuke tucks me in, but grabs his hand before he leaves, "Hey. I'm sorry…"
"What are you sorry for?"
"For yelling at you and calling you a coward. You're not a coward. Yous was just scared. It's ok though, I understand now,"
"Stop being so forgiving and nice. It's not your fault… it never is. I'm always the one making bad choices and hurting you in the process. You're right, it's not fair to you,"
I pull him closer, so his head is resting on my chest while the rest of his body is on the floor, "You're both fucked up. But its ok. We is fucked up together. I loves you, S'uke,"
"I love you too, Naru,"
"I'm too drunk and sleepy to talk anymore. Wes talk in the morning, ok?"
"Sure,"
"Yous promise? You won't run away for not talk tomorrow?"
"I promise,"
"Ok. I'm going to pass out now,"
"Ok. Goodnight," he says, not moving to get off the ground or raise his head.
"Night,"
And before I knew it, I was out like a light; drunk and still sad, but better than I was before.
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To Be Continued…