Dick Wolf owns everything

Weapons and Wounds

Elliot left his therapy session feeling positive. Like he could conquer anything. His phone rang as he was getting in his car to head to work. It was Bell.

"Stabler." He answered.

"You on your way in?" she asked.

"Yes Sargent, just leaving now."

"Well swing by the 16th for me on your way. We need some old case files to add to Wheatley's file for court. Captain Benson will have them for you."

His heart skipped at the use of Olivia's title and last name. Then he remembered he was on the phone with his superior. "Is there something new?"

"No, no nothing like that. Just some old cases against people he has done business with. The ADA wants everything they can possibly have on him."

"No problem Sarg. I'll pick them up." He said trying very hard to control the sound of his voice.

"Thanks. See you in a bit." She said and hung up.

Well, he thought. Looks like he will be making a stop at the one six.

EOEOEOEOEOEOEOEO

As Elliot was getting off the elevator at SVU he felt a little rush of emotion hit him. It was multifaceted because this was home. It was familiar and yet, altered. It had a different feel to it knowing he didn't work there, and Fin and Liv were the only ones left. It was too much to process the last time he was here because of the circumstances. He couldn't deal with one more emotion at the time, but now he had the time. Time to look at it and feel it and adjust to it.

He turned the corner holding the coffee he grabbed for Olivia in his hand. He looked in the direction of Liv's office, seeing she was on the phone. She had her glasses on looking at a case as she spoke.

Goddam he thought. His mind went blank except for Olivia in those glasses.

She was sexy as hell in those glasses. He felt his arousal for her deep in his chest and his mind was starting to wander till he heard a familiar voice.

"Hey man, just can't stay away huh?" Fin said.

He went over to Fin and shook his hand, a genuine smile on his face.

"Yea, well Bell asked me to pick up some old case files for her. Hey, how was the honeymoon?" El said patting Fin on the back.

"Paradise." Fin said. He paused for a second then said in a lower voice, "Heard you found a paradise of your own."

Elliot chuckled and looked at Liv. He sure did. The only one he would ever need.

She must have told Fin. He already knew about Elliot's intentions, but the way Fin said that last comment indicated he knew more. Man for not wanting to go too fast she sure was telling people he thought.

Just as he was about to say something to Fin, he heard a voice coming around the corner say,

"Well Liv hasn't seriously dated anyone since Tucker so…" Amanda said to someone on the phone.

She stopped dead in her tracks when she saw Elliot standing next to Fin.

"Detective Stabler… I mean, Elliot…" Amanda stammered, a little shock in her voice. She hoped he didn't hear her talking about Liv to Carisi, but the look he was giving her told her all she needed to know.

"Hey, I gotta go, I'll call you back." She said and hung up the phone, her eyes wide.

He felt the wind get knocked out of him. The name Tucker was ringing in his ears. He couldn't believe what he had just heard.

Tucker… she dated Tucker….

"So… what brings you to our neck of the woods…" she said awkwardly trying to break the tension in the air.

Tucker… they were…

Elliot knew she was speaking to him, but he just couldn't form any words at the moment. His whole world felt like it was tilted, and he was struggling to hang on. Struggling to breathe.

Tucker…

"He's here to get some files from Liv." Fin interjected. "I think she's off the phone now…" Fin looked at Elliot and put his hand on his shoulder breaking El loose from the grip Amanda's words had on him.

"Yeah…" he said, looking at Amanda and then to Fin. He must have looked like he was about to keel over because that's how he felt.

Fin leaned in, whispering, "Don't do anything you're gonna regret later. Let her explain."

Elliot just blinked at Fin, his mind and body still reeling from this new information. He started walking towards Olivia's door, his feet felt like lead and his stomach felt like someone just sucker punched him.

He finally got to the entrance to her office and walked in, closing the door behind him.

"Well, you sure stepped in it now…" Fin said looking at Amanda.

"What?" She said. "Like I knew he was going to be standing right here. What's the deal anyway? Did Tucker and him not get along or something?" she asked a little afraid to hear the answer.

"You could say that…" Fin said giving her a look that told her this wasn't good.

EOEOEOEOEOEOEOEO

"Hey you…" Liv said smiling at El, looking at him over her glasses.

Damn her and those glasses. He felt a twisted mix of arousal and anger.

"Bell called, said you needed these." She said pointing at the stack on her desk. She paused looking at him. Something was different.

Something was off.

"Yea, thanks." He said tight lipped. "Here, I brought you this…" he said, setting the coffee on her desk. He crossed his arms over his chest and stood there staring at her, flexing his jaw.

She looked at the coffee and then back up to Elliot taking her glasses off. Fear built up in her stomach. Something was definitely wrong.

His eye contact was piercing right through her, and she could physically feel his presence. It gave her a very familiar feeling, like déjà vu.

Then it hit her.

She knew this Elliot. This was the same Elliot that she'd seen a thousand times. The Elliot that made enemies, the Elliot that could explode at any moment over nothing… the angry Elliot. The jealous Elliot. She had been directly and indirectly the object of this Elliot more times than she could count. Except this time, she wasn't sure why it was directed at her now.

"El, are you ok?" she said softly testing the waters.

"So, when were you going to tell me you dated Ed Tucker…" he said harshly, not able to reign in his jealousy. He was clearly hurt.

There it was. His words hit her hard like a slap. She knew this would come up eventually, and she knew the potential for this conversation going well was pretty much zero, but this couldn't happen here. Not here.

"Elliot…" she said, her voice husky and commanding. A warning.

He felt himself growl internally at that voice of hers. Damn… damn her for that voice and what it did to him. He felt the sharp edge of his arousal hitting the brick wall of his anger.

Memories of years of fights with her were rushing back into his brain. Every fight they ever had was filled with rage and spite and heat and desire. He couldn't be mad at her without being aroused. And now it was an even stronger sense of arousal capturing him, knowing how it felt to be buried deep inside her, hearing her pleasure-soaked moans, his name on her lips, before going up in flames together.

This thought made him even more angry. The thought of Tucker touching her… being with her… seeing her naked… Tucker's name on her lips and not his.

His skin was on fire and his brain was trying its hardest to not let his body react impulsively. He fought every instinct in him to hit something. Hit anything. Anything to replace emotional pain with physical pain. He had felt this way every time he even thought of another man touching her other than him.

He could deal with the physical pain. He knew how to treat it, but emotional pain… he wasn't equipped very well with coping, which was why he was in therapy, but something snapped inside him when Amanda casually mentioned Tucker and Liv had dated.

He had never delt with his jealousy well when it came to her. And Olivia was usually the one who paid for it, and he knew it too. He had no right to ever feel that way in the past. He was married. She was single and not his. But she was his now, and he just couldn't stop it. He knew this wasn't right. He knew. He knew she would date after her left her, he knew this, but his brain compartmentalized that knowledge for his own survival purposes. But Tucker… he just couldn't stop the realization of his pain from overflowing.

The realization that Tucker could have understood her and got her like he did. That she might have let him. It was soul crushing.

"We're not doing this here." She said in that low throaty voice that sent a volt of electricity through him and brought his mind back to the present.

"Is that an order Captain…" he said patronizing her a little. He regretted it the second the words came out of his mouth. He saw her face change and the anger spike in her. The hair on the back of his neck stood on end. She always could meet him toe to toe.

"Roof… NOW…" she almost shouted, punctuating each word with a sharp clear precision.

He turned and stormed his way out of her office, wrenching the door open and she followed him through the bull pen, sending a glare at Fin and Amanda that felt like ice being poured down their backs as she marched past them.

Fin turned to Amanda shaking his head.

"Shit…" she said, under her breath.

EOEOEOEOEOEOEOEO

Once on the roof all Elliot could do was pace. He paced back and forth as Liv stood there watching him. Waiting.

He finally huffed out a breath and stopped to look at her.

"Why…" he said his eyes blazing with anger and jealousy and the same arousal she always saw a hint of every time they fought.

She didn't really know why. Because he was there… because Elliot wasn't… because she didn't want to be alone…

No answer she gave him would be right. Or right enough for Elliot.

"I don't know El… it just… happened." She said her voice calm. "Can we just take a breath and talk about this rationally?"

He exploded.

"Rationally?!" he shouted. "Rational would be not getting involved with the asshole who tried to take my badge multiple times…"

"El…" she said trying to reign him in, trying to brace herself against his anger.

"Rational would be staying away from the asshole who tried to pin you for murder!" he said, his anger and jealousy now on the surface oozing out of him like lava.

"Elliot…" She said in her Captain voice, as she adjusted her stance. She could physically feel his rage like the electricity you feel in the air before a storm. It was encompassing her.

"Rational would be not dating the asshole who tried to split us up, drive a wedge between us more than once… or did you forget about that while you were fucking him!" he shouted.

That cut like a knife, slicing right through her.

"NO!" she screamed at him, and it took him by surprise.

"You do NOT get to do this…" she said almost losing her edge feeling the tears prick at her eyes.

"You left me… you walked out… or did you forget that while you were in Italy with Kathy."

She registered the instant pain in his face as she spoke, and part of her didn't want to keep going, but she had to. She had to make him understand this wasn't ok. If they really were going to make it, he could not do this again.

Her words felt like venom in his veins. He deserved it.

"And for ten years… ten years I was left to pick up the pieces of me that you broke. You don't get a say in how I tried to fix them." She said as she turned away from him, not wanting him to see the tears fall down her face.

His heart broke. His chest ached. His lungs felt like they were filled with sand. Defiant tears welled in his eyes. She was right. He is an asshole. Why did he have to say that? Why couldn't he just control himself? He knew the answer.

The answer was Olivia.

It was always Olivia. That was why. She was and is the some of his whole existence. When you love someone that much, they are the only one who can hurt you more than anyone or anything. He hurt her more than anyone by abandoning her. Disappearing without a trace. And now again by hurling his anger and jealous at her over something he had no right to.

She finally turned and looked at him again. He could see the tears she still had in her eyes and the pain it caused her. The pain he caused her. He tried to open his mouth to say something, anything, but his throat was like sandpaper. He rubbed his hand over his face, regret seeping into his soul.

He was still angry and hurt and jealous, all the feelings he knew he shouldn't feel, but he did. He didn't want to risk saying anything else to hurt her. He needed to get some space. Just for now. To clear his mind. The stinging image of Tucker's hands on her was still vivid and he couldn't risk hurting her more.

"I have to go…" he said, his voice cracking. "Get those cases to Bell." He said trying not to let her hear the hurt in his voice.

"Ok…" she said. She knew. She knew she hurt him, but he had hurt her as well. This was their old pattern. A pattern that wasn't healthy. A pattern she was determined to break. She didn't want him to go, but she knew better any anyone he just needed some time.

He started walking towards her for the door, and stopped just at her shoulder, looking down and over to her not making eye contact. He brushed his hand against hers, softly taking it in his. His thumb caressed her skin for a second and she heard his breath hitch. Then he let go of her and he was gone.

Olivia took a huge breath in, needing a minute to clear her mind. She walked over to the ledge of the building and sat, her back up against it. She brought her palms to her face, clearing the tears that were falling again, and ran her hands through her hair.

She understood his feelings, as ridiculous as they were. She knew he would never forgive himself for leaving her the way he did either. She needed to tell him, show him that she had. The second he was back in her life she had forgiven him. She didn't want to, but deep in her mind and soul she had. She also needed to tell him, remind him, he was the only one for her. The only one she wanted and truly loved. Every other man before him was nothing. Meant nothing to her compared to how she felt about him.

She decided on that roof top she would give him some time to wade through his feelings and then she was going to remind him of what they have.