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Dick Wolf owns everything

Atonement

Elliot walked into work feeling his nerves bubble up a little. He usually wasn't gun shy, but what he needed to tell Bell was… unnerving him.

He had no nerves about telling her about Olivia though. He was firmly cemented in their relationship. This wasn't him asking for forgiveness or permission, just him giving her the courtesy of keeping her in the loop. No one was going to stop them from being together.

He was preparing himself for a little questioning from Bell about it though. But how could she understand. No one understands them like well… them. He didn't care what anyone said anyways. The only thing that mattered to him was his children and Olivia and Noah. End of story.

Bell wasn't in yet. He went to his desk waving to Jet, who signaled back. He liked Jet. He was glad Bell trusted him about bringing her on the task force. She was crazy smart, young and new to being in the field, but there was something about her that he couldn't put his finger on. He just… liked her.

He sat down and pretended to look though some papers. His mind went back in time to when Bell told him to move on with someone other than Olivia. She had seen something between them. Probably the same something everyone else could always see. Were they really that loud back then… and now? So much so that someone like Bell who, clearly is intuitive but nevertheless, didn't know them then.

He smiled to himself thinking about how he tried so hard to hide his feelings, covering them with brooding anger or lashing out at anyone who was around… usually Liv. She always took it from him up to a point. But when it got to that point, she'd call him out on his bull shit, and then melt his resolve with her compassion. She always stood up for herself, but then she would soften with him privately, trying to peel back his steel exterior and get to the bottom of it.

He loved that about her.

Later in their partnership he hid his feelings less and less. He let the knowledge and the relief sweep over him knowing he never had to do that again. He never had to hide his feelings for her or his love for her. Olivia overtook his mind then and all he could think was again… how lucky he really was.

His phone buzzed jarring him out of his thoughts. It was Liv.

She had sent him a picture of her blowing him a kiss. He immediately saved it and smiled to himself. His phone buzzed again.

I miss you… good luck today 3

His smile widened. She knew he was talking to Bell today. They had talked about it a little in the shower after she had disintegrated his mind with her mouth. He felt a tingle down his spine at the memory of her mouth and all the amazing things she could do to him with it. He thought about how many times he got lost staring at her lips… wondering. Wondering what they felt like… what they would feel like on his skin… what she tasted like. He didn't need to wonder anymore.

She had soothed his nerves in the shower and was soothing them now. He started typing back to her.

You're all the luck I need…

P.s… I love your lips…

He saw the little bubbles telling him she was responding.

And they love you…

Then she sent him a winking emoji.

His phone buzzed again.

Let me know how it goes. I love you.

His heart swelled every time she told him that. He texted her back.

I love you too beautiful.

God, he loved her. So much.

Washburn had come in while Elliot was lost in thoughts of Olivia. He walked over to Elliot's desk and patted him on the shoulder and Elliot winced.

"Oh hey man, sorry… you ok?" Washburn asked surprised to see Elliot react that way. This guy was tough, he knew Elliot was older than him, but he's seen him in the field. He was tough.

Elliot smiled looking up to Washburn's curious eyes placing his hand on the shoulder Olivia bit feeling the sting and flashes of her moaning naked body entered his mind. He felt a little flush spread across his chest at the memory of last night.

"Yea, I'm fine… just had quite a… work out last night." and his smiled widened. "Still sore." he finished, and Washburn nodded.

Elliot went back to his phone as Washburn made his way up to Jet to give her the coffee, he brought her. She was staring at Elliot. He looked at her, and then at El.

"What?" he asked. "Something up with him?"

"He's… happy…" Jet said slightly confused. "He's been sitting there on his phone… smiling."

"Maybe he met someone…" Washburn said, and they both looked at each other and then back at Elliot.

EOEOEOEOEOEOEOEO

Back at the sixteenth precinct, Olivia was getting a headache. Fin and Kat were arguing about a case and Amanda was throwing her opinions out there causing even more arguing. Olivia was tired and achy and needed coffee. She sighed thinking about how her tight muscles and soreness seemed so much better when Elliot's hands were wrapped around her, but now it was just annoying. Completely worth it but annoying none the less without Elliot close to her.

Just then Warner walked into her office.

"Hey Liv… I got those medical reports for you." She said.

"Hey Melinda, you didn't need to escort those down here." Liv said.

"It's ok, I needed a break any way. You look like you might need one too. You want to grab a cup of coffee with me?" Melinda asked turning to the bull pen as the discussion out there got more heated. "My treat…" she said back to Liv.

Liv laughed and shook her head. "Yes… I would love that."

The two of them breezed past the squad room and to the elevator. They went to a little café around the corner and ordered taking a seat outside. It was nice out with a little breeze.

"So how is everything?" Melinda asked, "We never really get a chance to catch up anymore."

Olivia smiled looking at her coffee. "Everything is good… really good actually… better than it ever has been." she said looking up meeting Melinda's gaze.

"I'm glad to hear it Liv." she said. Just then the breeze blew a little harder blowing Olivia's hair back. Melinda's eyes widened.

"Liv… what is all over your neck?" she said smiling, knowing exactly what she saw.

Olivia's face reddened and she couldn't keep the smile from her face as her hand went to the skin on her neck.

Melinda gave her a knowing smile. "So who's the guy?"

Olivia's smile widened. There was no reason for her to be shy about this, Elliot was telling Bell today… her squad knew, Noah knew… there was no reason she could think of that she couldn't tell Melinda.

"Liv… come on! I rarely get to have girl talk… spill." Melinda begged.

"It's Elliot…" she said unable to keep herself calm as she said his name, and she bit her bottom lip.

Melinda's eyes popped out and her jaw opened. Then she nodded and sat back with her coffee.

"Well, it's about damn time…" she said taking a breath and then laughing as Olivia laughed at her response.

"That seems to be everyone's reaction." Liv said.

"You look so happy Liv. I'm glad. You both deserve that." Melinda said taking a moment to let it sink in.

"So… how was it? I mean, he looks like he'd be good at it…" Melinda said smirking.

Olivia rolled her eyes, smiling. Then she bit her bottom lip thinking about just how good it was.

"Melinda… you have no idea…" she said as she raised her right eyebrow and a smile slid across her face.

EOEOEOEOEOEOEOEO

"I see everyone is here already." Bell said startling them all a little. Jet quickly got back to work Washburn moved to his own desk, and Elliot took a deep breath and got up out of his chair.

"Stabler…" Bell said as she walked into her office. She put her thing down on her desk and turned to see him standing in her doorway.

Washburn shot Jet a look and they both watched as Elliot shut the door.

"You ok?" Bell said looking at him questioningly.

He took another deep breath after he closed the door and moved to sit down, not answering her.

"Ok you got that look on your face… like the one in that restaurant where you didn't tell me you took Sinatra's phone…" she trailed off leaving him an opening to explain why he was sitting in front of her.

"There's something that happened… a while ago that I need to tell you about…"

"Elliot… what did you do…" Bell said putting her hands on her hips.

"Well, nothing illegal if that's what you're thinking… but it might be something Wheatley's defense could use."

Bells eyes widened and she adjusted her stance.

Elliot looked up at her seeing her expression and dragged his hand down his face. He couldn't look at her when he said it. He still felt ashamed it happened.

"I kissed… Angela Wheatley…" he said slowly looking up at her waiting her reaction.

Bell was silent. She stood there not changing her expression, but Elliot could see her mind was running.

She sat down taking a breath and put her hands on her desk.

"Ok… when?"

Elliot looked down not sure how to explain this.

"A day or two before we arrested her." He said quietly.

"Why?" Bell questioned.

"I don't know… it just happened. She as giving me information about Wheatley… she had lost her son… I had just lost Kathy. She seemed to understand… and I got caught up in what I thought was happening. Feelings that I didn't understand and didn't know were being manipulated. I didn't know at the time she was the one who put the hit on Kathy. I had no business going to her home."

He looked up at her, this time with resolve.

"It's something I deeply regret…" he said, and he could physically feel it as he remembered the moment after.

Bell eyed him. Honestly unsure of what to say to him. She could see how distraught he was.

"Is that all that happened?"

"Yes… nothing else. I left immediately after." He said.

She sighed and looked at the worry in his eyes. Sure, that was a stupid mistake but if anyone knew just how cunning anyone with the name Wheatley is, it was her. She trusted Elliot. She knew he was a good cop coming out of the gladiator era. She was upset about this possible curveball, but she was glad he told her. She knew he had been struggling but he was getting help. He was doing the work.

"Well, I'm going to have to tell the ADA… we don't want them to be blindsided in court. The defense already has you labeled as a conflict of interest."

"I understand… I'll do whatever they need."

He took a breath out, relieved that this went better than he expected.

"Bell… I'm sorry." Elliot said.

She looked at him seeing pure honesty in his eyes.

"I know…" she said. "Well, if that's all then I need to make some calls."

He hesitated a bit and looked back up at her. His lips in a creased hint of a smile.

"What now… and do I even want to know…" she said lifting her eyebrows at him.

He laughed a little and a smirk crawled across his face.

"It's not anything else to do with our case against Wheatley… it's something personal." He said, now with his usual confidence and demeanor.

"Ok shoot." She said.

He took a deep breath, smiling to himself and looked back at Bell. His eyes were sparkling.

"Olivia… Captain Benson and I are… together."

She stared back at him… silent. The only movement was the raise of her eyebrows.

"We're dating…" he said making sure she understood what he was telling her.

"Yea… I got that…" she said. "Um… are you sure this is something you want to do? It could cause a lot of problems for you."

Elliot felt a prickle of anger spike up his back. He didn't like what she was insinuating.

"Olivia isn't just a rebound. I love her. I've been in love with her for twenty-two years. And this," he said motioning between them, "This is just a courtesy… I wanted to keep you in the loop." He said with a little salt in his voice.

Bell's face reacted to his confession. She has no idea this was that deep. She knew they were close, and he cared a great deal for her, but she had no idea how far this really went.

When she did her research on him of course Olivia was mentioned in his jacket, so she did her research on her as well. She already knew somethings… how could anyone forget what happened to her with Lewis. It was all over the news.

So she has an inkling of their partnership and she knew how close partners could get. But he had been married the entirety of their years at SVU together. So this news was a little startling.

"I believe you…" she said noticing how his voice and demeanor had changed. She physically felt his anger rise just at the notion of her questioning if this was a good thing or not. She had seen it before, his rage, but never felt it directed at her. It wasn't something she wanted to make a habit of.

"Are you sure you're ready for this?" She asked honestly curious.

He laughed and she felt his presence change a little and some of the anger ebbed.

"Honestly… I've been ready since the day I met her." He said.

Wow she thought. The way his eyes brightened when he talked about her was telling. It was like something deep inside him changed. This was a different Stabler than she knew. She looked at him and could see and feel the love he had for Olivia radiating off him.

"Well… I'm happy for you Elliot. Captain Benson is an amazing woman. I don't even know how she got though all the mess that happened to her."

Elliot reacted internally to that comment. What did she mean he thought?

"I know it takes a strong person…" she continued, "I don't know if I could do it, so I hope you two find happiness.

"She is my happiness…" he said thinking of her beautiful face.

Bell smiled and Elliot got up. Before he reached the door he turned just as Bell was picking up her phone to dial.

Elliot stared at her. "What did you mean when you said all the mess that happened to her?"

Bell looked up at him pausing. Oh my God she thought… he doesn't know. She got a queasy feeling in her stomach. She really shouldn't be the one to tell him, but it was too late now.

She took a deep breath and hung up the phone.

"With William Lewis." she said hesitantly, wondering if maybe he just forgot, but knowing if he knew there was no way he would have forgotten that name.

Elliot took a few steps back towards her desk. "Who is William Lewis?" he asked his eyebrows furrowed and sharp.

Bell took a deep breath and looked at him. She couldn't believe he didn't know.

"I can't believe you didn't hear about it… it was all over the news." she said.

His face turned to stone. "Who is William Lewis…" he demanded in a controlled yet steely tone.

His hands were balled up in fists now and his jaw was clenching. She could see the anger start to seep out of him and there was something else… something she couldn't quite put her finger on. She knew he wasn't going to let this go, but she really didn't want to be the one to tell him.

"You really shouldn't hear this from me Elliot… you should talk to Liv…" she said holding her breath for second, not sure how much longer he was going to be able to keep his anger from boiling over.

"Ayanna…" he said almost pleading.

Shit she thought… she heard it in his voice when he said her name. It had now spread over his face.

Fear.

That's what she couldn't place a few seconds ago. She had never seen fear in him before and now it was all she could see.

He so desperately needed to know what had happened. Ayanna knew once she told him he was going to want details. Details that would crush him. Details that still haunted her.

How anyone survived what Lewis put Liv through she'd never know… and hoped she'd never have to try.

She took a deep breath in and slowly blew it out.

"William Lewis was a serial rapist and murderer… who eight years ago kidnapped Olivia." Bell said in an uneasy voice.

Elliot felt all the air get sucked out of his lungs and his heart dropped into his stomach. He gripped the chair in front of him feeling his knees weaken.

Kidnapped.

Serial rapist.

Murderer.

Her words were ringing in his ears and suddenly, the room was spinning. He felt like he was going to be sick.

He heard something in a muted voice but couldn't understand. His world was shattering, and he needed something… he needed something to hold onto. He heard that muted voice again, this time a little louder. It sounded like his name, but he wasn't sure.

Then his ears zeroed in on that voice and he heard it. His name. Someone was saying his name. He tried to make his eyes focus but all he could see were visions of Olivia.

Visions of her being tied up…

Visions of her being beaten…

Visions of her being…

He couldn't even think the word. And he wasn't… he wasn't…

He wasn't there.

He had left her… he wasn't there to protect her. He should have had her back… he would have had her back. His heart broke into a thousand pieces of the thought of being able to stop this from happening to her, but he wasn't there. His mind went to Sealview when she had been assaulted in the prison basement. He hadn't been there either and it made his stomach sour. It had taken her years to tell him what had happened down there, and he hated himself for not pushing Cragen to send him in as the UC.

But this… kidnapped. He didn't even know it had happened… then a whole other hurricane of feelings washed over him. In eight years he hadn't even heard or read anything about it. Olivia hadn't reached out… but then he thought… why would she… he had abandoned her. Maybe she didn't think he would have cared. He felt like he was going to throw up.

"Elliot!" Bell shouted. He then looked up. Bell, Washburn and Jet were all standing over him, shock on their faces.

It brought him back to the present. How did he end up on the floor he thought? He was sitting against the wall of her office, his knees bent, his head in his hands.

He swallowed hard and tears were stinging his eyes. He took a deep breath realizing he hadn't taken one in a while when he felt his lungs burning.

"Sorry… I'm sorry." he said his voice rough and gravelly. Washburn offered his hand to help him stand up.

Washburn and Jet were both still standing there in Bell's office, worried looks on their faces and Bell nodded to both of them for coming in to help, but now it was time to exit. Neither one of them moved still both eyeing Elliot.

Elliot looked over to them as he took a seat in the chair he had been in earlier, and then to Bell.

"I'm ok… really." he said knowing it was a lie but hoping it was enough to get them to leave.

Jet and Washburn both looked to each other and then Bell and reluctantly left shutting the door behind them.

"I didn't know…" he said, and he couldn't keep the tears from falling down his face now. He put his face in his hands trying to control himself. Every time he shut his eyes images, he didn't want, forced their way in.

"I'm sorry… you really shouldn't have heard it from me… you need to talk to Liv." Bell said.

Elliot looked up at her, his eyes wide. He needed to know what happened. He didn't want to do this over the phone, and he didn't know if he could handle not knowing the details.

"What happened…" he said his voice filled with anguish.

"Elliot… you should ask her. Let her tell you." Bell said.

He huffed out a harsh breath and stood up and started pacing. The more he thought about this the more his rage started to bubble up. He was angry at himself… angry that he didn't know… angry he wasn't there….

"I need to see the case file…" he said curtly turning towards Bell.

"You don't want to do that." she said.

He growled and gripped the back of the chair and lowered his head between his arms taking a few deep breaths.

"I need some air." He said and stormed his way out of her office. She followed him out of her door and watched him grab his stuff and leave. Washburn stood up and looked to Bell.

"Let him go…" she said.