Again, I cannot express how grateful I am that you all keep reading this story. As always... thank you! Comments/reviews are always welcome... Happy premier week everyone! Enjoy!

Dick Wolf owns everything.

Glass and Mirrors

Elliot could feel the heat searing into him from Olivia's eyes. Part of him always had an inkling she would be a fireball in bed… but he tried not to think about that too much in their twelve years together. Thinking about what she might have liked during sex only got him into trouble and wasn't good for his jealousy either. But now… he was astounded at how her hunger for him seemed to only parallel his own hunger… for her.

He wanted her all the time. In every way. So much so it scared him. And besides the obvious reason why they never crossed that thin line between them in the past, this was one of his own reasons. He knew if he so much as touched her lips once, it would all be over. He wouldn't have been able to stop. And it would have killed him… it would have killed his family… it would have been the end of their partnership… it would have ruined everything.

Olivia was right when she told him in his bed that things happen the way they do for a reason. If she only knew… if she knew how little it would have taken him to cross that line…. All she would have had to do was push. He prided himself in his tight control of his own actions. But he wouldn't have been able to stop hers. If she had pushed… he would have had an affair with her. He knew now he would not have been able to stop himself if she pulled him over that line. His resolve to uncross that line if they had ever crossed it would have been nonexistent.

He would have fallen into the deep well that is Olivia and never come back up for air.

But she never would have pushed him. He knew her… better than anyone, and she respected his vows. She never would have pulled him to do something that would have crushed them all.

And now he knew just how earth shattering it was to be inside her… to taste her… to feel her surrounding him… to be inextricably intoxicated by all things Olivia. And it spurred a dark desire… a bottomless desire… to ravish her. A desire that crashed over him like a tidal wave. One that he never knew existed in his brain… one he never knew his mind was capable of.

So here he was… standing naked in front of Olivia Benson in her bedroom and she was uninhibited with her actions. The wanton look in her eyes mixed with that same dark desire he saw the other night was sending him into a frenzy… and it terrified him.

Now that he knew about all the shit she had been through without him, and he had seen the photos of her… broken and bruised… photos that would haunt him the rest of his life, he was a little worried about how much control he had over himself when it came to Olivia.

He had really let himself lose control with her the other night after she asked him to… after she told him to… after she flat out demanded…

He shivered at the memory.

Her body was still littered with bruises his hands had made on her. He wasn't sure if now he was ok with that. She seemed to be ok with it… she seemed to spur him on when he was his most out of control. A tiny bit of fear creeped into his mind… what if… what if it caused her to have flashes… flashes of her trauma.

He couldn't live with himself if that ever happened. He still wasn't sure how he felt about being… rough with her, knowing his own strength and the sheer all consuming need to satisfy her, so for now he was going to have to keep himself in control.

That was going to be hard to do with Olivia sitting in front of him holding her vibrator… asking if he wanted to see her pleasure herself. She is the sexiest woman in the universe and the war raging between his mind and body was ruthlessly tearing at him.

He swallowed hard and cleared his throat.

"Liv…" he said, and his shaky hands moved to take the vibrator from her.

When he turned it off and put it on her nightstand, he looked back into her eyes and wanted to die. He saw hurt flash across her face. It was like someone had sucker punched him in the gut. This was not what he wanted.

What did he do…

Olivia felt like she was going to be sick. What was he doing? The last time she touched herself in front of him, it drove him crazy. He was so aroused… or at least she thought he had been. What had changed now?

She felt her breathing quicken and her head spin at the mere thought of Elliot maybe not wanting her offer. It was instantly crushing, and she felt embarrassment roll over her.

A sudden urge to be anywhere but sitting naked in front of the man she loved bubbled up inside her and she wanted desperately to run… to hide her face… hide her hurt feelings… to just… hide.

Elliot saw in the few seconds that had passed after he took her vibrator from her the damage his actions had done.

By her sharp change in demeanor and the absolute soul crushing look in her eyes he knew he needed to fix this. She must think I don't want this… he thought… that I don't want her… which couldn't be farther from the truth.

But in the second it took him to realize what he had done it was too late.

Olivia broke their eye contact, unable to shoulder the crushing weight of the doubt now silently leaching its way into her mind.

"Um… sorry El…" she barely managed to say.

"I just need… I'll be right back." She said quickly and rolled away from him.

"Liv… I…" he said but she was off the bed before he could stop her and entered the bathroom closing the door behind her.

Fuck fuck fuck… he thought as he brought the heel of his hand to his face. Why did he do that? Why hadn't he just told her this morning about how he was feeling about the marks he had left on her. He had promised to always communicate with her and here he was… not keeping his promise and it hurt her.

"Liv…" he called making his way over to the closed bathroom door.

There was silence from behind it… and yet it was the most deafening sound.

"Liv…" he said, wanting to open the door but knowing he needed to wait till either she opened it or invited him in. His mind was panicked. He just wanted to fix this. He felt sweat and heat breakout across his skin and anxiety laced itself in his fast shallow breathing.

On the other side of the door, Olivia sat on her bathroom floor, her back up against her tub. Tears were silently falling down her face. She tucked her knees up, wrapping her arms around them.

She was upset. She couldn't stop the thoughts now entering her mind. She knew she was spiraling, and this couldn't be as bad as her rogue thoughts were leading her to think, but her logic wasn't strong enough to combat the immensity of what just happened… or the possibility of what just happened.

She bit her bottom lip, now upset with herself feeling like maybe she over reacted… maybe what she thought was happening… wasn't.

Ugh… she thought. She rolled her eyes swiping away the tears still falling. She was mad at herself for running away from him. She had told him she was done running. She needed to break this habit of hers once and for all… because she was done… done running. She started to feel her need to hide subside. The only thing she wanted right now was the comfort of his arms.

She stilled hearing his voice through the door. She could hear the panic in him.

"Liv… please… let me in…" she heard him say, his voice cracking.

"It's not what you think… Liv… please…" he said.

Even with his voice slightly muffled by the door she could feel his pain. The pain she felt the second she thought he didn't want her was so devastating it felt like glass shattering inside her. She knew to love someone this much… as much as she loved Elliot, it also meant that he was the only one who could hurt her with the same kind of velocity. And she was the only one who could do the same to him.

Her heart sank at that thought. Normally this was what she would run from. Run before she could get hurt, but they had been through enough. Enough pain, lost time, deep cuts… earth moving revelations, and… loss.

She took a deep breath, and she knew. She knew he would never intentionally hurt her this way. Her logical brain was now coming back to her. She knew how much he loved her, and the passion and desire they shared for each other was… unparallel.

She got up off the floor and grabbed her silk robe off the back of the door closing it around her. One step at a time she told herself. She took a deep breath and turned the knob, opening the door.

Elliot had his hands on the door frame above him, his head was dropped, and the second the door opened his head snapped up to find hers.

Elliot didn't want to invade her space, but when he saw her standing in front of him, the pain in her eyes, the streaks on her cheeks from tears… he just needed to hold her, needed to pull her into his arms and take her pain away.

He let the breath out he was holding and moved into the bathroom, "C'mere baby…" he said and pulled her into him, feeling his eyes well at the relief washing over him to have her in his arms again.

He felt her melt into him, knowing she felt the same relief he did. Her arms slipped around his waist, and her hands smoothed up over his back as she buried her face in his chest. He was breathing hard now, moving his hand to the nape of her neck, massaging the tension he felt there.

She took a deep breath in, letting his scent calm her, letting his arms soothe her nerves… letting his hand on the base of her neck ease her tension. Everything about him right now was reassuring her of his consuming love for her.

Now that she felt more like herself again, she pulled back to look at him, knowing whatever happened in her bedroom between them needed to be discussed. She couldn't take it if this ever happened again.

In the past, their unspoken thoughts were just that… unspoken. Nothing was ever actually said out loud so the ache and longing she felt for him was her own pain. He couldn't take back anything because nothing had happened between them for him to.

But now she knew she wouldn't survive if he ever changed his mind about her. If he ever decided he couldn't do this. She knew in her heart that wouldn't happen, but her mind needed a little encouragement. Years of never feeling wanted… or loved… by her mother, by her biological father… by the men she let in her life who ultimately couldn't handle her or her job… it was a hard cycle to break. But if anyone could help her break it, it was Elliot.

The second his eyes locked with hers she felt all their years together flood into her. It would never stop being overwhelming… for both of them.

"El…" she whispered still trying to steel her nerves for this conversation.

He brought his hand to her face and smoothed over her cheek, wiping away the remnants of her tears.

"Talk to me… what's going on with you…" she asked quietly.

"Liv… I'm sorry… I…" he started, then paused needing a breath… wanting to be clear on what he was going to tell her next. He didn't ever want her to question herself, her beauty, or how absolute he was in his undying… enduring… and eternal desire and love for her was.

"I love you Olivia… You're everything to me… I need you to know what happened back there… it has nothing to do with me not wanting you…" he said sucking in a breath closing his eyes. Even just saying the words "not wanting you…" were hard for him because they were so far from the truth it was almost painful.

He felt her tighten her grip on him slightly. He could tell that was exactly what had gone through her mind when he did what he did back there. He felt her breath quicken and she blinked quickly… trying to keep her tears from starting again.

"Liv… I want you all the time…" he said his husky voice deepening as he moved his hands to her neck, tracing his thumbs over her jawline and lips. His eyes dropped down to where his hands were.

He felt his pulse beating rapidly in his veins and a tremor vibrated through him when he saw the flush creep up into her cheeks.

"Your lips… your skin… the way you look at me when I'm inside you…" he said bringing his eyes to hers and taking a shaky breath in.

"You drive me crazy… everything about you is… more than any fantasy I've ever had… You're perfect."

His breathing deepened. He was feeling overwhelmed at his need for her. He would never not be overly stimulated by how she made him feel. He brought his forehead to hers needing more connection. He needed to tell her about what was causing all this trouble for them before his animalistic need to take her engulfed him.

Olivia sank into him. The full relief of his words wrapped themselves around her mind like a warm blanket. She let his need spill onto her, feeling the same thing for him, but they weren't done yet. As much as she wanted to kiss him and pull him into her and drown herself in him, there was more they needed to talk about.

"Elliot…" she whispered, their noses now a mere inch from each other. She swayed a little with him and then reluctantly moved her face, breaking their connection.

"You can tell me… whatever it is…" she said softly.

He took a deep breath and moved his hands from her neck and over her shoulders, down her arms, linking his hands together around her waist.

"After… I saw your hospital photos…" he said pausing, waiting a second for the nausea he felt every time one flashed in his brain to pass, "It made me realize how… out of control I was with you the other night… and it scared me."

Olivia stilled in his arms but said nothing. She was waiting for him to continue. She knew there was more but wasn't quite sure where he was going with this.

"I don't ever want to hurt you Liv… and I didn't know… I didn't know about Lewis then…" he said, and she could feel the venom in his voice at the mention of that psychos name.

It hit her then. What she saw in his eyes this morning. He was looking at the bruises on her body… bruises from him and all he could see were the bruises Lewis left on her.

She had time… years in fact to learn how to live with what he had done to her. To not wrap herself up in the trauma… or the scars… to get her life back. Elliot had only just found out. And she knew the guilt he had. The guilt that he would carry, inevitably for the rest of his life for not being there for her. For not being able to stop it.

It made so much sense now, she didn't understand how she didn't see it. The knowledge that he could… and did leave bruises on her… just like Lewis did, must have been startling for him. He had always grappled with the feat of his own strength. With his military and police training he was in fact… a lethal weapon. Add adrenaline and his resolve for justice into the mix combined with his muscular form and he could easily cross over a threshold you couldn't come back from.

Finding balance on the line between control and losing control is harder than most civilians understand. Always keeping yourself aware… towing that line… it was hard, and she knew it.

But one thing she knew for sure, one thing she would bet her life on was nothing trumped his all-encompassing desire to protect her. She knew her trust in that was only equal to his love for her.

He would never hurt her.

She could see it in his eyes though… he was worried he had hurt her physically. Maybe he was worried about her own PTSD. Therapy had helped him to see the signs of his own, and in turn recognize possible triggers. She softly smiled at him, trying to reassure him he had nothing to worry about.

"El…you don't have to hold yourself back with me… you never have to…" she said, her voice calm and clear.

"I trust you…" she said, knowing he already knew she trusted him, but also knowing that saying it… reminding him would help.

She brought her hands to his face, smoothing over the rough stubble on his jaw.

"I trust you more than I've ever trusted anyone… with my safety… with Noah's safety…" she felt his breathing pick up at the mention of her son and his hands gripped tighter around her waist.

"I trust you with my heart… and soul… El… I trust you with my life… I know you'd never hurt me…." She said and brought her hand over the side of his brow trying to smooth away the worry.

He looked at her, seeing all the things she just said reflecting back at him in her eyes.

She could tell, just like her, his heart understood, but his mind might need more convincing.

"Let me show you what I see when I look in the mirror…" she said turning in his arms, pulling him with her to keep him behind her.

They looked in the mirror. A soft small smile slipped across his lips looking at her in his arms. It was a picture he'd dreamt about more times than he could remember.

Olivia tilted her head to the right and moved her hair from her neck.

"This here…" and she delicately placed the fingers of her left hand on the mark on her neck as Elliot watched her in the mirror.

"This…reminds me of the first time you found this spot…" her lips curled up in a smile, "…and it sends goosebumps all over me thinking about it…" she said.

Elliot could feel the goosebumps ripple on her skin through the thin silk material of her robe and it sent a shiver up his spine.

"These…" she said pulling open just the top of her robe a little below her collar bones and exposing the darker purple bruises that laid on the swell of her breasts, "Remind me of how jealous you were when I was the one touching my breasts…" she said and moved her hands slowly over herself… arching her eyebrow at the dark desire she was seeing roll into the deep blue of his eyes.

"And I can still feel your lips… your tongue… your teeth there… taking what's yours…" she purred closing her eyes for a second. She slightly arched her back, leaning back into him a little letting her hands drift over the front of her breasts… the light touch over the thin satin caused her nipples to harden… and she smiled.

She could feel Elliot's chest begin to fill a little quicker, his breath hitting the naked skin of her shoulder. She purposely pushed her ass into him slightly feeling his arousal for her.

Elliot sucked in a hard breath as she barely rubbed up against his growing erection. His hands flattened on her stomach, and then fisted the material of her robe, his breath ragged now.

His eyes followed her hands down as they came over his and he let go of the fabric to intertwine his fingers with hers.

She opened her eyes, and they were almost black. So filled with desire and want for him, the heat coming from them was almost scorching.

Then she moved his hands down and together they moved back the opening of her robe, exposing her perfect thighs. She moved his hands down in between them and pulled them slowly over the fading bruises there, and the keening moan that escaped her lips almost sent him over the edge.

Then she slid them up to her hips, her eyes now closed and placed them perfectly in line with the bruises his fingertips had left from where he gripped her as he railed her into oblivion.

Elliot was almost hyperventilating now. Every nerve ending in his body was screaming to pull her robe off and take her from behind up against her bathroom counter, but he was so transfixed on her and the things she was doing and saying he couldn't move.

"And these…" she said slowly moving her hands up and down the length of his, gripping at his fingertips when hers slid over them.

"Every time I feel these bruises under my clothes it reminds me of how much you want me…" she said, her breathing now becoming slightly rapid.

Elliot swallowed hard trying to keep his balance, but she was draining any mental capacity he had to do normal things like breathing and remain standing.

Then she turned her head, so her forehead was against his cheek, the bridge of her nose under his jawline. She closed her eyes, and he watched her rock her hips ever so faintly. His mind was nothing but her face. He was pretty sure his ears might be bleeding… that is if there was any blood left in his body anywhere else besides his throbbing cock.

"It reminds me of how deep you were inside me…" she whispered, and this time they both groaned as she rocked back a little harder into him.

His body was visibly vibrating at every single word she said. He wasn't sure he was breathing anymore. Hell, he wasn't sure if he was alive anymore. This surely couldn't be earth. The only thing that made sense was he had died and gone to heaven.

"It reminds me of how much you love me…" she whispered, dropping her chin down to her shoulder before she looked back in the mirror.

"These are all physical proof… proof of how much you love me… that's what I see…"

Her eyes shot right through him down into his soul.

"I'm not made of glass El… I won't break…" she said, taking his hands and moving them over her body, taking in a sharp breath as she let him take control over where they roamed.

He bowed his body over her, pulling her into him, wrapping his strong muscular arms tight around her.

"See… I told you…" She said smiling sinfully as his hands came up across her chest, pulling at her robe softly.

Elliot took a deep breath in, filling his lungs for the first time in what felt like forever and placed his lips to her left ear.

"The things I want to do to you…" he growled in a low aroused whisper.

He felt her shake, and then she leaned forward placing her hands on the bathroom countertop pulling him with her. He felt her spread her feet apart and push her perfect ass into him.

"So do them…" she said.