Thank you all so much for reading… hope you enjoy!

Dick Wolf owns everything

Boxing Up the Past

Time had flown by.

It was early. Still dark. Liv was padding barefoot through their kitchen as quietly as she could. Work had called and she had to go in. Amanda and Sonny had taken the weekend off with the girls and with Kat gone, and her new detective Velasco still getting broken in, she was shorthanded.

It was a Sunday, and everyone was coming over for a family dinner and to watch the Jets game. She wasn't much of a football fan, but Elliot and Dickie loved it. It was their thing, and the season was starting, and she promised she'd give it a chance.

She hoped she could get everything settled at work in time to make it back to everyone, but she wasn't going to hold out much hope. Elliot would understand. One of the best parts of being with someone like Elliot was he completely got it. He understood the job and what it takes to do it and do it well… and the sacrifices. She'd never need to explain that again.

She'd never have to make that phone call to cancel a date or a commitment and get that annoyed or angry response. The response from someone who wasn't her soulmate and who could never understand.

It didn't mean she wanted to break a date or was ok with canceling on her son, it just meant she wasn't going to have it held against her. She wasn't going to have to struggle with feeling guilty that she didn't feel guilty enough for choosing a case or a victim, choosing her calling in life over going out to a restaurant.

And it went both ways. Neither one of them would ever make the other feel the burden of having to choose. This job was what brought them together. Being police officers was a part of them, part of who they were separate and together.

They would make time for date nights and fun things to do in their off time with this blended family they were making. Celebrate the milestones and all the really important things in life, but their way.

It just meant some of those regular date nights might just have to be with takeout containers in her office or with hot dogs on the steps of the courthouse.

So, when her phone had woken her up at four in the morning, she knew this may be one of those moments where she was going to have to sacrifice her Sunday. Her Sunday with her son and the love of her life and his family… her family… because someone else needed her.

Someone else, who maybe had no where to turn, no family, needed her in their darkest moments. And she would be there. There to help, there to serve… there to protect, and to bring justice.

She smiled to herself as she poured herself a quick cup of coffee remembering how Elliot's arms had wrapped a little tighter around her before he reluctantly let her go so she could answer her phone. After she had hung up with Fin, she had turned back to him and nuzzled her nose into his ear and lightly kissed his skin.

"I have to go in… were shorthanded with Amanda off." She whispered.

Elliot had shifted slightly and mumbled something in that sleepy gruff voice of his that sent a shiver through her. She smiled softly to herself, and he moved, wrapping his arms around her and pulled her into his warm embrace. She felt him breath her in and then he nestled his face under her chin, resting his cheek on her chest.

He was listening to her heartbeat.

He knew he had to let her go off into the concrete jungle of Manhattan, but he just needed a minute of listening to her breathe. Feeling her heartbeat, her warm skin touching his, reminding him she was alive, and she was his.

And this was real and it was them. He didn't need to panic watching her leave and head out into dangerous situations because she had someone to come home to. She had lots of someones.

After a few moments he had loosened his grip, kissed the skin over her heart, and let her go. He had moved into her spot as she got out of bed, cradling her pillow and she felt her heart swell.

This was something they had started doing every time one of them had to leave. It started the night after their first night in their new home. They had just finished making love in their new sheets, it had been slow and sweet, deep and meaningful in every way and her phone had interrupted them in their blissful after glow.

She had started to move to answer it and El had held her tight, his fingers gripping her tight, asking for just one more second.

One more moment before their connection was disrupted and when she slipped back into his arms he placed his head over her heart and the world stilled.

It was one of the single most moving moments of her life.

She had held him to her, both breathing in sync, melting into one another.

No one had ever made her feel this way. The way Elliot Stabler had told her without words just how important she is to him, just how much he loves her. And if there ever was a physicality to the ethereal ideal of two souls actually becoming one, that was it.

And so, if one of them had to leave before the other had to wake, this is what they did.

A few quiet moments between them, where nothing else mattered.

A reminder of what they are to each other, and how they were better together then they ever were or would be apart.

A reminder of how they would never, could never be apart again. Not in this lifetime or the next. They were destined to be intertwined forever.

Liv sighed as the memory faded and took another sip of her coffee and closed her eyes and took in the silence of their home. It was, for once, a silence she loved. It wasn't the shrieking silence of an empty apartment filled with the horrors of her past, but the soft silence of a home filled with her sleeping loved ones.

Then she heard water running.

Their sink in their bedroom.

Their bedroom.

Theirs.

She felt her cheeks flush a little. It still amazed her that this was theirs. That she was a "they".

And the other half of that "they" was Elliot.

She listened to his bare feet move from their bathroom and across their room and then across the way as he checked in on Noah and Eli. She had done the same.

The creaking sound of the stairs as he made his way down to her reminded her of their first night here and she bit her bottom lip as that familiar tug coiled in her belly at the memory.

A few more seconds ticked by before she felt his hands slid over her hips and his arms fold around her pulling her into his bare chest. He rested his chin on her shoulder and they swayed there a little.

"I'm sorry if I woke you… I tried to be as quiet as possible." Liv said.

"You didn't beautiful. Just don't sleep well without you." He said, his voice still in that gruff deep octave and she hummed a little.

Liv understood because she felt the same. Now that they lived together, came home to each other, it was hard to sleep alone. He was her peace, her calm, her safe haven and she was his.

Elliot kissed her shoulder and then she felt him lean over her a little eyeing her cup.

"Is that my coffee you brewed?" he said feeling the edges of playfulness start to wake him up, and her warm body against him was also working magic on his senses.

"Maybe…" she said with a smirk on her face as she took another sip.

"Maybe? Hmmm… let me have a taste." He said leaning more into her and she chuckled as she handed him the cup and he took a long sip.

"Hmmmmm… so good." He said after swallowing and then he set the cup on their island and turned his head quickly bringing his mouth to the line of her jaw and sucked softly at her skin.

Liv moaned and brought her hand to his cheek feeling the stubble there, wishing she had more time now before she had to leave. His mouth was hot from her coffee and his hands were gripping her as they moved over her clothes knowing all their favorite places to touch.

His lips moved to her ear.

"But you…" he whispered then lightly grazed his lips over her earlobe, a millimeter from that spot on her neck that melted her into a puddle… his spot… and whispered, "You are better than everything… better than anything I've ever tasted…"

His lips closed over that spot and Liv's mouth opened as a ragged breath left her. She leaned back into him as her head lolled to the side to give him more room to taste her.

Just as she was about to turn around and get her own taste, her phone buzzed on the counter.

El dropped his head and chuckled softly and they both sighed.

Liv reluctantly answered breathing a little heavy.

"Hey Fin… no, you didn't… it's fine… yea yea, I'm on my way… ok I'll meet you there." She said and hung up.

She set her phone back down and turned herself around in his arms. She let her eyes roam over his bare chest and broad shoulders, taking all of him in before her hands smoothed their way up his arms and around his neck as her eyes met his.

She leaned in, connecting her lips to his to get her own taste. She needed it. She needed his taste in her mouth and the lasting feeing of his lips on hers before she left.

Their lips parted lazily, instinctually… as they sank into this slow soft good morning kiss.

She felt his skin goosebump as her tongue grazed across his bottom lip and his body moved, covering hers, locking her in his grip. He moaned in her mouth when she slightly dug her nails into the nap of his neck at the feeling of his cock twitching beneath his grey sweats.

They mutually broke their kiss, both a little breathless.

"Good morning beautiful…" Elliot said as the smile slid across his face.

Liv smiled back feeling the heat bubble up in her cheeks every time he called her that.

"Good morning sweets…"

He had that look in his eye. That look that could delay her from getting to work, that could have her needing to change her clothes, that could have her christening their kitchen island as he made her moan his name when she came.

A look she was unfortunately going to have to take a rein check on.

She sighed feeling the slight sting of the ache she felt every time she was about to leave his embrace scratch at the surface of her.

"I…" she started but he cut her off.

"…have to go… I know…" he said softly smiling. Liv felt just a bit glassy eyed as her heart beat for this man standing in front of her and all the unbridled love and support he had for her.

She nodded slightly. "I'll try my best to get back before the game." She said in her high almost whisper.

"It's ok Liv… do what you gotta do… I'll be here." He said softly as he brushed her hair from her face. Oh how this man has her heart… has all of her.

Has always had all of her.

"I love you Elliot Stabler…"

"I love you too Olivia Benson."

EOEOEOEOEOEOEOEO

Elliot had finished Liv's coffee and sat in the quiet morning reading the paper and then making a list of all the things he needed to do. He had gotten ready for the day and started to make breakfast for Noah, Eli and his mother.

It had been quite hectic for awhile recently with moving and the looming threat of a madman.

After their first night in their home things started to fall into place. He and Liv had gotten Noah's room ready first. He got to pick out the colors he wanted, and because he was being such a good sport about all the shuffling around from house to house, Liv even let him get a few new things. A desk to do his homework at and a new bed and comforter. He was getting older now and needed a new one anyways.

And with no surprise to Liv, Noah picked out trundle bunk beds. Noah had been begging her to get bunk beds, but she had said maybe for a while now. She was still a little nervous about the top bunk in an emergency or him climbing and hurting himself, but Noah said something that she just couldn't say no to.

He wanted to make sure there was room for Elliot's grandsons to spend the night if they wanted to. He had that grin on his face that he knew neither she nor him couldn't say no to.

As if this boy didn't already have his heart.

Kathleen had been a huge help to them moving. Even Dickie showed up. He complained about how he always had to lift all the heavy stuff, but he was there none the less. The girls helped her figure out colors and what pictures to hang. Lizzie was actually very good at placing furniture and seeing a room before it was filled so that little hidden talent of hers came in very handy.

There were a few bumps in the road though.

His mother had accompanied Katie on multiple occasions, and he had told her they had a room for her. She of course scoffed at the idea, not wanting to be burden on them, and argued with him about it. She was being stubborn and refused him multiple times, but all it took was Liv asking her.

Liv made it clear that it wasn't so much they were worried about her living alone at that beach house, but that they wanted her to live with them. She wanted to spend time with Bernie and hear all about what Elliot was like as a baby. Liv assured her Noah and Eli both wanted her to be there as well and because apparently no Stabler was strong enough to deny Olivia, Bernie agreed.

She only had one condition, that they keep the beach house. It would be transferred into Elliot's name and that it would be used. She made him promise to take her there while she was still around, promise to spend a few weekends with everyone there, especially Liv and Noah.

It was a promise he was happy to make and sure to keep.

The other small issue and it was only small, was when Katie was helping Liv clean out her closet and she came across the box of all his things from SVU.

Liv had turned just in time to see her grab the box down and before she could stop her, Katie had opened it.

The three of them stood there for a moment. Liv had a little bit of panic in her eyes as they darted to him and then back to Katie.

She didn't know he had already found that box in her closet, and if it was any of his other children, it might have been a bigger issue, but he was grateful it was Katie. She had always been closer to Liv and more understanding with his own short comings.

He took a deep breath in remembering the conversation in Liv's closet as he cleaned the dishes from breakfast.

"Kathleen… I…" Liv had started, but just as he was about to interject Katie turned.

"It's ok Liv… it just… seems like a lifetime ago." Katie said putting the box down and looking through some of the photos.

"Eli was so little…" she said holding the one of her father and her brother. Then she came across the photo Elliot had of her mother on his desk.

She sighed and Elliot felt his throat go tight. He saw Liv's hand go to her heart, the empath that she is, and he knew Liv was breaking for Kathleen. With everything that had been going on in his life, and where his life was heading, he had sometimes forgotten that his children's path in grief was different than his… it was different for all of them.

She took another moment of looking at the picture of her mother and then rummaged through a few of the other things in Liv's Elliot box.

"Can I ask why… why you kept all of this Liv?" Kathleen asked, her voice quiet… wondering.

Liv swallowed hard. Not only had this been a hard subject for her and El to get through but explaining it to anyone else let alone his daughter… his daughter who recently had her mother taken from her… well that was a whole other can of worms.

Liv eyed Elliot and took a breath. If anyone could begin to understand it would Kathleen.

"Kathleen… when your dad put his papers in… he just… left. Cragen made me clean off his desk… empty his locker… and it… it was all I had. All I had left of my partner of twelve years who just… disappeared."

He clenched his jaw, trying to swallow back the ache he felt. The ache of leaving the love of his life to try to keep his marriage afloat.

Liv's eyes darted to him, sensing his pain and gave him that look. The one he'd seen so many times. The compassionate one that reminded him she was there with him, she was there for him, and nothing could break that.

"I lost my best friend without a word…" she continued knowing it would hurt El to hear it but wanting to also be honest with his daughter, but Kathleen's face reacted, and Liv stopped.

"Wait… he didn't even call you?" she said, and when her eyes met his he could feel the icy burn in his veins.

"Dad… tell me you called her… tell me you at least told her yourself…" Kathleen had said with a look of disappointment.

"Kathleen… look…" he said, trying to clear his throat. "It was… complicated…"

He paused looking for the right words and trying to control the anguish in his voice. He wasn't sure he wanted to fully revel to his daughter just how long he'd been in love with Olivia considering everything.

"Dad.. I'm not naïve… I know you loved mom… but I also understand now as an adult that people change… they can grow apart. And as much as every kid wants their parents to stay together… you two probably should have gotten a divorce."

Elliot stood there next to Liv stunned. Of all his children Kathleen had surprised him on more than one occasion, and this one took the cake.

She sat there staring at him, seeing the shock, and knowing he was speechless.

"Dad… it's ok… really…I've accepted it. I just want you to be happy, and I know nothing ever happened when you were married. Of all the things you are, a liar isn't one of them."

He couldn't believe what he was hearing. He wasn't sure what he had ever done to deserve a daughter like her, but he would be forever grateful. He looked to Liv who was silently crying. She quickly brushed away the tears when she noticed him looking at her and smiled softly.

"We can't help who we fall in love with… but what I'm not ok with is what you did dad. How could you just abandon Liv like that? I know it was hard for you, I remember what you were like… unbearable on your best day for more than a year… but dad… I had no idea you never even spoke to Liv about it… I mean, I know it's none of my business… but…" she said and then trailed off.

Elliot had let the breath out he didn't realize he was holding and nodded his head.

"You're right… it's none of your business…" and with that Katie had given him that patented Stabler stare, and he put his finger up and continued, "But… because I love you and you're an adult, I'll be honest with you…" and he paused to take another breath.

"I made a vow to your mother and to God… a commitment I didn't take lightly, but also… took for granted. So… I made a choice. I was in love with Olivia… and I didn't know how to deal with that. I owed it to your mother to try again. And just because I chose to stay didn't mean those feelings went away." And he paused to take another breath. This next thing he was going to say was heavy. It would never stop being heavy and he hoped Kathleen could shoulder the weight of it.

"I've never stopped loving Olivia… and your mom knew that." He said, the last part almost a whisper.

Kathleen swallowed hard and he could see her eyes becoming glassy.

"She knew…" he said shaking his head a little, "But… I still had to try, and she knew that too. So, I had to just… leave… disappear. I knew… " he paused and looked at Liv. Looked into those beautiful brown eyes and continued, "I knew if I heard your voice, I wouldn't have been able to leave…"

Elliot felt his throat tighten again as he choked back a sob. It was true. All of it. He'd been in love with Olivia for what seemed like forever and the idea of saying a final goodbye to her would have crushed him. It would have ended him.

But he had to try one last time and that meant leaving without a trace. He did love Kathy. What they had was real and good… while it lasted. But the kind of love he found when Olivia walked into his life was the kind of love that only happened once. A love that could survive anything. A love that moved and flowed and changed when it needed to but was always there… always constant.

How do you explain that to someone who has never experienced that?

You can't.

It's like a highly exclusive club. One you're not in until you're in.

So, this explanation was going to have to suffice because he wasn't going to try to explain further. The rest was something he would only share with Olivia. It was only something spoken with unspoken words between them. Just them. No one else would ever understand and that was ok. They didn't need anyone to.

The realization of just how deeply in love with Olivia her father really was washed over her, and Kathleen nodded. She knew that was all he was ever going to say about what happened ten years ago, so she'd just have to be ok with that.

She was grateful he at least had told her as much as he did. And even though it stung to hear some of it, she was ultimately happy for him. You can't change the past so there was no sense dwelling on it.

"Can I keep this?" she asked looking at Liv holding up the picture of her mother. Even though these things were her fathers, they had been kept safe and found their home in Liv's closet, no matter how much pain they must have brought her. A daily reminder of what she lost. So, it only felt right to ask Liv since these were now her possessions after also being abandoned by her father.

"Of course, honey… they're your dads'… you can have anything you want." Liv said quickly.

"No… these things belong to you… you kept them all these years even though it must have been so painful… but throwing them out would have been worse." she said holding the picture and putting the lid back on the box. She got up and brought the box to Olivia.

"But I don't think you need them anymore." Katie said smiling at Olivia and then at her father.

"It's a reminder of the past… and you two crazy kids have your whole future in front of you." She said with a soft playful undertone in her voice as she smiled at Liv trying to lighten the mood.

"You're right Katie." Liv said and brushed her hand on Kathleen's cheek. Grateful wasn't even the beginning of how she was feeling at the moment.

"So, to the trash pile then?" Katie asked raising her eyebrows and then looking at Elliot.

"Yes… out with the old." Liv answered.

"You hear that dad… she said out with the old… lets go." She said smirking as she moved past her dad and out of the closet.

"You're funny… don't quit your day job…" he said turning as he heard his daughter's laughter down the hallway.

He turned back to Liv and wrapped his arms around her. He just needed a moment. A moment to hold her and look into her eyes.

"That's one amazing daughter you have there…" Liv said fitting herself against him.

"Amazing… absolutely amazing." He said.