I am poor and don't own anything valuable, including this story
We see the infamous Red Hood, also known as Jason Todd, walking back to the hotel after Alastor blew up Sir Pentious's ship.
Jason's phone rang and looked at it and saw his co-worker; Blitzø sent him a message that says "MEETING!!!! NOW!!!!"
"Sorry guys, but I gotta go. I need to attend a meeting" Jason said to the crew
"Okay, stay safe!" Charlie said in her cheery tone, before Niffty appeared beside Jason, slightly surprising him. "Can you bring me a souvenir when you get back?" Niffty asked with puppy dog eyes... or eye. Jason nodded and
TIME SKIP BROUGHT TO YOU BY BAT GIRL BLUSHING AT JASON WITH HIS SHIRT OFF (I'm not proud of this time skip transition)
A large demonic-looking office building. In front of which was a sign, welcoming you to a city called Imp City
Zooming in on the building, we cut to a door naming the place to which it leads to, that being IMP Headquarters. It also had a piece of paper taped onto it, on it stating that their was a meeting in progress, with a small smiley face drawn right next to it.
We see a very lanky jester-like imp with a pointed tail who conversely has wide-proportioned hands, pointed feet with a boot-like heel, and a narrow head with curved horns. His eyes have black lines running down the eyelids and his sclera is yellow with a red iris. This demon is Blitzø
Blitzø has crimson skin with trace white blotches that cover his right eye and the tip of his tail, black-and-white striped horns with black spines between them running to his tail, and black stripes around his tail. A heart-shaped skull symbol rests on his forehead. He wears a torn black collared coat with red buttons, black boots (incidentally sharing the same shape as his feet), and large black gloves with yellow eyes on them.
"Alright, now I know business has been... a bit slow lately, yes. It's no one's fault, okay? I'm not naming any names here... Moxxie." Blitzø stated, a small imp with white hair bed Moxxie made an odd face at him. "Now does anyone have any bright ideas on how we can get business drumming up again?"
Now getting a good view of the table, we see everyone attending this meeting. Jason was sitting with his arms crossed and his weapons were at the back of the room
There was Moxxie, dressed in a black tux with a large red bowtie. His eyes had yellow sclera and black slits in place of irises. His teeth were also sharp and pointed, to the point one could mistake them for shark teeth. Out of his head came two large horns.
Sitting beside Moxxie was a short Imp with a long, demonic tail with white markings. She has red skin, eyes with yellow scleras and black pupils, and long black eyelashes that extend beyond the sides of her hair. Her name was Millie. She has two black horns with three thin white stripes and greyish-black hair worn in a messy bob style and bangs that cover half of her right horn. She has a beauty mark on her left cheek and a gap between her front teeth. Millie's head is noticeably more human-like (although still without a nose) than a lot of other imps, lacking the pointed upper lip. Her teeth also usually appear flatter than the sharp conical teeth most demons have. Her attire consists of black lipstick, a simple black choker, a cold-shoulder black crop top with gold buttons where the straps at the top meet the torso piece, torn black pants, fingerless black gloves, and black footwear that does not cover her hoof-like toes.
Across from them sat the final member of this team. She is a wolf-like Hellhound. She has a dog-like muzzle with sharp and pointy teeth and a dark grey nose, red sclera with white irises, white fur with grey patches on her shoulders, a big bushy tail and voluminous grey hair swept to the side to reveal her ear. She is far taller than her coworkers making her easily the tallest. Her name was Loona. Her outfit features a black choker that has white spikes. Her grey crop top has strings shaped like a star to resemble an inverted pentagram to hold it up. Loona wears fingerless gloves and shorts with a crescent moon cut on the right side. She also wears black toeless stockings and is barefoot, due to her digitigrade stance. She has a piercing on her right eyebrow and two piercings in her left ear - in addition, her right ear is torn.
"What about a car wash?" Millie asked with a bright smile
"This is Hell, Millie. No one cares about cars being cleaned here, okay?" He replies angrily with his arms gesturing the entirety of Hell
"How about NOT spending a quarter of our money on horse riding lessons and/or new toys for Loona that she doesn't even play with?" Jason deadpanned
"No." Blitzø said bluntly
"Why?" Jason asked
"Screw you, that's why"
Blitzø then starts to think until it hit him "Oh! What about a bill board?!" Blitzø said with stars in his eyes
Moxxie crossed his arms "We can't afford a bill board, sir"
"Helpful, Moxxie. Really glad you're in the room right now." Blitzø says, sliding up to Moxxie's side before shoving him away. "Have you guys forgotten what service we provide?" Pulling out a remote, he clicks a button to turn on the TV.
The TV snaps on, showing some of their past work. It shows Blitzø bashing someone's head open with a large mallet, Moxxie blowing a hole through a person's skull with a shotgun and getting blown away by the recoil, Loona wringing someone's throat with her jaws as they scream in pain, Jason using his crowbar to tear someone's jaw off and finally Millie slicing off someone's head with a jagged spear, chuckling in glee afterwards.
"Ahh, those were the good times." Blitzø sighed as he held a bucket of popcorn, Loona and Millie getting some for themselves except for Jason and Moxxie.
"I don't need any reminding, sir, considering you blew most of our salaries on an obnoxious TV ad last week. One that you then additionally paid to have run for a full three hours on a channel nobody watches." Moxxie said angrily
"Yeah, what's the point of making a commercial if people rarely see it?" Jason added, causing Moxxie to smirk that someone was agreeing with him
"Uh, hey, excuse me. 1st, What's 'obnoxious' about a super-fun jingle, all right? It's a fun distraction when an advertisement's spittin' bullcrap! And 2nd it's less expensive" Blitzø said getting up from the floor as the video ends
"People love musicals, sir." Millie complimented.
"Exactly, Millie. And we're basically doin' a musical. Are you gonna crush my musical theatre dreams like my dad did?" Blitzø asked Moxxie dramatically.
"Sir-" Moxxie started but was cut off by Blitzø
"Cuz' right now, all I see is just my dad's anus talking to me! Crushing my dreams of being who I truly am inside." Blitzø said as he was really trying to ham it up as much as he can.
"Are you trying to crush his dreams, Mox?" Millie asked with a smirk.
"I- What?" Moxxie was about to go off on his boss but looked to Millie in confusion.
"I thought I knew you~" Millie teased as she stuck out her tongue at him. Moxxie had a dumb smile on his face as he rolled his eyes at her, though there was a little blush in his cheeks. Jason just smiled at the two
"I can't believe you, Moxxie, after I made you employee of the month!" Blitzø cried as he held up a photo fram he made with Moxxie's photo.
"Okay, sir!" Moxxie said loudly, wanting to put an end to this. "I'm sorry, a commercial jingle is not comparable to musical theatre. Nobody actually likes the jingles." he stated
"I liked it." Millie stated, to which Moxxie got noticeably more irate.
"It IS pretty catchy" Jason agreed, making Moxxie more stressed
"Do not- Do not agree with him in front of me." Moxxie said.
T.V.
We cut to the commercial they made with Compressor coming in from the side.
"Hi, there! I'm Blitzø! The "o" is silent, and I'm the founder of I.M.P.!" He states, gesturing to their logo."Are you a piece of crap that got yourself sent to hell?" He asks, a photo of him with a monocle and twiddling a sinister mustache as he walks from a burning 'Orphanage for Elderly Blind Newborn Dogs' coming up on the screen. "Or are you an innocent soul who got screwed over by someone else?!" A photo of him dressed as an angel throwing away a paper cup in the trash can comes up as an example of an innocent soul.
We cut to a demon wearing an Ohio sports jersey, Blitzø, out of frame holds up a cardboard sign next to the demon that says 'Some guy who hired us!'
"After lovingly killing my wife for DOING IT WITH A DELIVERYMAN, you can imagine my surprise when I wownd up here, after the state of Ohio killed me. I really wish I could stick it to that YAPPY JOGGER WHO SAW ME HIDING THE BODY!" The demon shouted in complete and utter rage, to the point his voice got more monstrous at some points.
We cut to Blitzø, Moxxie, and Mille in a room, the latter two appearing to be working on something resembling a demonic summoning circle."Well, luckily for you, thanks to our company's special access to the living world-" Blitzø holds up a large book and waves his fingers. Doing this causes the circle on the floor to activate and erupt into a flaming portal. Startled by this, both Moxxie and Millie run away, to which Blitzø instead walks over to it. "-we can help you take care of your unfinished business by taking out anyone who screwed you over when you were alive!" Blitzø stated before falling into the the portal.
A jingle starts playing as we see someone, angrily imagining a person, getting crossed out.
When you want somebody gone
A body falls right beside him, causing him to jump.
And you don't want to wait too long
He looks up to see Blitzø, Millie, and Moxxie in a circle above him with Red Hood at the front. They turn to silhouettes as the name of their company comes up.
Call the Immediate Murder Professionals
Hand grenade or cyanide
Moxxie tosses a grenade out a window, the other Three covering their ears from the explosion.
We'll make it look like suicide
We then cut to Blitzø strangling someone with a rope from the ceiling, Moxxie leaving a chair to make it seem it was self-done. Millie came in from the side with a fake suicide note she wrote up. Jason was writing 'Screw my life' on the wall with the victim's blood
The Immediate Murder Professionals
Blitzø electrocutes someone with jumper cables, Millie smashes someone's head with a large mace, Moxxie was just strangles someone with his bare hands, and Jason shoved a remote control grenade inside of someone's throat and detonating it, causing the victim to spew blood and vital organs everywhe- You know what I'll make this story rated M later
We do our job so well
Blitzø motions for the others to follow him as him and the other two race through a portal on their wall, Moxxie tripping on the way through.
Because we come straight up from hell
Making it through the portal, Blitzø adjusts his tie as Moxxie picks himself back up and Red Hood Took out his duel pistols. The moment they see their surroundings however, their eyes widen in surprise before Red Hood pistol whipped Blitzø, knocking him out.
We see the other side of the room they were in, in which we see a preacher and a congregation looking over to their new arrivals in shock, fear, as well as confusion.
The squad had teleported to a church.
"Sorry about that" Red Hood apologizes and grabbed Blitzø's back collar and chucked him back to the portal
We'll kill your husband or your wife
Millie is shown stabbing a naked couple laying atop one another, Moxxie and Red Hood were averting their eyes at the sight. Blitzø, on the side, picks up a pair of panties he found on the floor.
We'll even let you keep the knife
Blitzø is seen stabbing someone's head repeatedly with a knife.
We then see a quick little sequence of the the squad's numerous assassinations on people. Ranging from stretching someone with a medieval rack, chasing someone while on a shark, to even smothering someone with a pillow, and crushing someone under a grand piano and proceeding to play it, and just chopped off someone's head with a chainsaw
We're the Immediate Murder Profession-
The song abruptly ends as the Moxxie, aiming a shot gun right at a blonde woman on her phone, ends up accidently shooting a young boy who happened to be walking in front of her eating ice cream.
Moxxie looks at the scene in complete shock, not expecting things to go so wrong so quickly.
"WHAT THE HELL MOXXIE?!?!?!?!" Red Hood exclaimed as his eyes literally busts in to flames and his horns glowed orange before Moxxie passed out from fear
We then cut to a hospital as a doctor shoves open the door, a female nurse and a male nurse wheel the kid's body into the room.
"Doctor, he's not responding!" The female nurse panicked, in a surprisingly masculine voice.
"Cool water, stat!" The male nurse shouted, to which the other nurse grabbed a pitcher of water and slammed it on the kid's face. All this did was make the boy wet. "It didn't do anything!"
"Damn it! I'm not losing another one!" The doctor shouted, placing down a defibrillator and passing a pair of paddles to both nurses, as well as taking a pair himself.
All three had their paddles placed at different parts of the boy's body. "Clear!" The doctor shouts as the paddles activate, shocking the boy's body. Surprisingly, right after they do this, the kid gasps. He was alive.
The doctor and nurses look at this in shock.
"Holy filth pickles, it actually worked." The doctor said.
Moxxie, Millie, Blitzø and Red Hood were all sitting outside the hospital room. Moxxie was slumped down in his seat, having felt devastated about this whole thing, all the while Millie rubs his head to comfort him and Red Hood was glaring daggers at him without his mask on. Blitzø meanwhile was just reading a magazine he picked up on the side, looking overall unfazed about what just happened.
The doctor walks out the room with a clipboard.
"He appears to be in stable condition, but he'll need surgery. Now what insurance provider do you freaks have?" He asked the assassins.
"The hell is insurance?" Blitzø asked, having no idea what the doctor was on about while Red Hood just face palm and was about to answer.
We suddenly cut to outside the hospital, as the child, still in his hospital bed, is thrown out a window with Moxxie and Millie holding onto the sides, screaming. The bed gets caught on a rope and causes the three to fall right off it. Blitzø gets his foot caught on some of the rope, until it snaps releasing both him and the bed before Red Hood dived and grew some bat-like wings and caught them all as a portal opens on the side of the building and they went through it.
A shot of the logo comes up.
Kids die for freeeeeee!
Commercial End
I.M.P OFFICE"
"I'd like to go on record and say that incident was Loona's fault. Dispatch is supposed to give us the right info on the target. It's very simple." Moxxie says as he was glaring at Loona
"Oh, sit on a nail, Moxxie." Loona said while still looking at her phone
"You sit! Sit on...a- and the d- Do your job!" Mooxie says, failing at his attempt to make a comeback.
"Mox, your terrible at making comebacks" Jason winced at his friend's attempt
"I get that a lot" Moxxie deadpanned
"Hey, now we don't blame our screwups on Loona, okay? She didn't do anything wrong!" Blitzø states as he goes over to Loona and nuzzles her cheek, her growling he does this.
Moxxie and Jason looks at him at disbelief
"Are you kidding me, sir? She's awful." Moxxie said and Jason nod in agreement
FLASHBACK #1
Loona sat at her desk reading a magazine. The desk phone began to rang, to which she picked it up and answered.
"Hello, I.M.P."
"Loona, I got stabbed! Call Moxxi-" Millie said panicking before Loona immediately hung up, preferring to read her magazine instead of helping her co-worker.
FLASHBACK #2
Blitzø made his way up to Loona with a present in his hands.
"Happy Adoption Anniversary, Loony! I got you a little somethin'." Blitzø said with puppy dog eyes
"Is it a cure for syphilis?" She asked.
This gave Blitzø some pause. "I...oh..."
"Then I don't want it!" Loona shouted before grabbing the box and slamming it down to the ground.
The moment the box hit the ground however, a swarm of spiders suddenly emerged from it, covering up Loona to her neck. She groaned, disgusted at the spiders covering her and glared at Blitzø, whom was now outside behind a window for some reason.
"I'm sorry, it was spiders."
"God dammit." Loona groaned.
FLASHBACK #3
Loona was watching Charlie's song at her desk, Moxxie was entering the room with a concerned look on his face.
"Um, excuse me, did you just fax me an ad for weight loss?" Moxxie questioned her, holding up a piece of paper with the words 'Chub B Gone' on it.
"No." She replied simply, not looking away from the tv.
"Wha- Why-why would anyone send me this?"
"Come on, you know why." She said with a smirk.
FLASHBACK #4
We then see Loona sniffing on a pair of dirty boxers on the kitchen table before exhaling in delight, until Blitzø, Millie and Moxxie were staring at her. There was an awkward silence
...
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...
...
...
...
"aren't those Jason's boxers?" Millie asks
"Yeah"
"And your smelling them?" Moxxie asked as well
"Yep"
"Where did you even get that?" Blitzø asked scoldingly
"None of your business"
...
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...
"Well this is awkward" Millie said, breaking the silence
(This scene was inspired by an old fanfic that I used to read but was sadly deleted)
FLASHBACK #5
We then see Loona at her desk once see more, talking to someone over the desk phone. Blitzø, Jason and Moxxie were off to the side drinking some water.
"Blitzø, that clingy rich A-hole is on the phone. Says it's urgent and wants to talk to you." She calls out. "Sounds a little DTF-y."
"Oh, God, it was one time!" Blitzø shouts as he drops his cup of water and crosses his arms. "If I hadn't slept with that privileged asshole, none of us would have access to the living world." He said before Moxxie looks at him weird
"You what?" Moxxie asked
"Yeah I was kinda surprised as you are when first found out" Jason said with his eyes closed. "You do NOT want to hear their conversations"
We cut to a bedroom inside of a prestigious mansion fit for royalty. In the bedroom, a gray demon who resembles an owl. Behind him, Blitzø is up and about, with a large book in his arms.
"Got the book, got the book! Got this freaking heavy book!" He sung quietly to himself as he makes his way out the room. Reaching the balcony, he sets the book on the ledge and lifts himself up on it. However, due to the book being a little heavier than he anticipated, it started to slip.
"Oh...oh crap!" He grunted as he fell off the balcony with the book.
Landing on a large cake, Blitzø finds himself atop a table with the owl demon's wife and two of her friends there as well, now with cake all over them.
Looking up to the woman, Blitzø says the most reasonable think he could of.
"Sorry I slept with your husband."
We cut back to Loona, irritated that Blitzø hadn't moved since she told him about the call.
"BLITZØ!" She shouted.
"I heard you alrea-!"
We see Blitzø now in his office, the person on the phone being transferred over to his.
"So, what can I do you for this time, Stolas?" Blitzø strained as he played with an Moxxie bobblehead.
We see Stolas sat upon his luxurious couch with a mischievous smile on his face.
"There's a political candidate causing trouble up on earth for a few of my associates. He's trying to convince people global warming exists." he said to his 'friend with benefits'
"Doesn't it?"
"Well, yes, but more people die if nothing is done about it. And it gets lonely here~" Stolas sensually moaned.
"Okay, well, yeah, that makes sense."
"You know what happens when I'm lonely, Blitzy?"
"Oh, god damnit." Blitzø cursed to himself, away from the phone.
"When I'm lonely, I become hungry...and when I become hungry, I want to choke on that red *Bleep!* of yours! *Bleep!* your *Bleep!* and lick all of your *Bleep!* before taking out your *Bleep!* and *Bleep!* with more teeth until you're screaming *Bleeeeeeeeeeep!* like a little baby-!"
Blitzø, noticeably disturbed by the words he was hearing, goes and just hangs up the call.
Instead of leaving it there however, he also goes and snaps his phone in half. He then picks up his desk phone, and uses it to smash the snapped phone into pieces. Then he places those pieces into a blender, blending them into a liquid... somehow.
"Eat this!" He tells Loona, whom was standing next to him, handing the blender to her. Rather question it, Loona just takes it and starts drinking the blended up cellphone.
"And then you know that bridge over the freeway?" Blitzø asked
"Yeah?"
"crap off it!"
BACK IN I.M.P.
We cut back to the present, with Blitzø still standing by Loona.
"Look, the point is Loona's a valued member of our family, and we don't get rid of family." He proudly states, missing the subtle smile Loona gets at hearing those words.
"We aren't a family, sir! You are the boss! We are the employees! You treat her like she's some troubled teenager! She's more like a meth-addicted homeless woman you let man the phones!" Moxxie shouts angrily, to which Loona gives no response besides a slow rising middle finger.
"Umm, I was technically a homeless person before I met The Bat so I'm kinda offended by that" Jason admitted
"Sorry"
"It's cool"
"Hey! Without homeless people, I wouldn't have 'half' the joy and laughter I do in this life!" Blitzø said before making his way to the window and slams his face up to it, leaving a few cracks as he look down.
Below their office was a sad homeless demon, holding up a sign that says 'Monee Helps Satan Bless' In front of him was a female demon whom was talking on her phone. Catching sight of Blitzø by the window, she steps away from the building and glares at him.
Unfazed by this, he merely waves down at her before closing the blinds.
"What's the other half?" Jason asked
"Horses"
"Figures"
"While we're on the subject of 'family'," Moxxie said with air quotes. "-can you stop finding me and Millie outside of work?"
"Come on, Sweetie! It's not that big a deal!" Mille said, waving it off.
"Excuse me, what?!" Moxxie shouted.
FLASHBACK #6
We cut to Moxxie and Millie in their kitchen getting dinner prepped. Moxxie was over by the counter chopping up some carrots.
"Honey, can you get me the butter?" Moxxie asked his wife
"Sure, Sweetie." Millie said happily as she opened up their refrigerator. A hand suddenly comes out and slaps creamy looking butter into her hands.
"Spoiler alert: the butter's spoiled!" Blitzø chuckled.
Millie looks at him in complete shock, before giggling at the joke.
Moxxie hears this and looks over to Millie after dropping the carrots into a pot.
"What's funny, Honey?" Moxxie asked
"Really impressive word play." Blitzø is seen sitting snuggly inside their fridge.
This caused Moxxie to almost immediately freak out. "What the?! Why are you in our fridge?!" yelled Moxxie in shock
FLASHBACK #7
We cut to later in the evening, where Moxxie and Millie were asleep in their bed. Moxxie however, starts fumbling a bit due to strange noises. His eyes crack open to see his boss in his bed, squatted down right on top of him, and purring like a kitten for some reason.
"Whatcha dreamin' about?" Blitzø said as he looks down into Moxxie's eyes.
"I was dreaming about my parents being murdered, but now, I'd like to go back to that." Moxxie answered with a glare.
FLASHBACK #8
We then see Moxxie and Mille sitting down on their couch. Moxxie, guitar in hand, was singing a song he made for Himiko, to show her just how much he loved her, with her even joining in at some points.
Of all the imps in hell
It's for her/him that I fell
Oh, Millie...
The two smile at one another before closing their eyes and leaning in for a kiss. However, Moxxie's eyes catch something by the window, the sight making his face contort in extreme rage.
"Are you freaking filming us right now?!" He shouted at the window, revealing Blitzø outside with a camcorder, recording the couple.
BACK IN I.M.P.
We cut to the present. Moxxie's eye twitches in anger from having remembered his boss' past actions.
"Just. Stop. Doing. That."
"I don't see what the issue is! Is there something you don't want me seeing?" Blitzø cheekily asked.
Moxxie glared at what his boss was implying.
"No!" Moxxie denied
"You a baby-member-haver?" Blitzø smirked as Loona snickered at Moxxie and Jason just sighed in frustration
"Sir, what you say and how you act is totally inappropriate!" Moxxie rose up from his seat in anger.
"Calm down, Mox. You're gonna have another panic attack!" Millie said worriedly, sitting him back down in his seat to attempt to console her partner.
"I am calm!" Moxxie shouted.
Millie starts rubbing his head as he begins to whimper like a puppy.
"Shh. Shh. There, there." Millie said, trying to calm down her husband
Blitzø connects his left thumb and forefinger together and points at it with his right forefinger, essentially implying the reproduction process. "Look, I don't judge the boring couple stuff you do outside work hours, so don't judge me!" He crossed his arms.
"Oh, I do judge you, sir! Quite a lot actually!" Moxxie provoked
"Moxxie, he's our boss!" Millie chastised him, sitting him back down.
"No no no, it's fine Mils, your husband is just...How do I say this without being offensive..." Blitzø thought it over. "Retarded." he finished
"Does immaturely insulting him make you feel better about your sad, single life?" Asked Jason, to which Blitzø gets up in his face.
"Your one to talk." said the immature boss
"Unlike you, I choose to be single"
Loona, done with this, puts her phone down. "The only reason you choose to be single is your saving your self for a special someone who's clearly looking at you" she said with a smirk, her eyes half closed and pointing at herself
"I'm pretty sure I know when someone's spying on me" Jason said, oblivious on what she was implying, causing her to sigh in stress due to how oblivious he is
This actually got Moxxie and Millie to laugh, making her mad
"Hey! Dont laugh my receptionist! She's sensitive" Blitzø stated
"YES I AM!!" Loona shouted
"You guys are all assholes." Said a voice from offscreen. We turn to see the child they shot earlier, glaring at them on a table with a heart monitor on the side.
"Oh shut up, kid. You're lucky to witness this." Blitzø said.
"Ugh, this company is such a mess!" Moxxie groaned.
"Tell me about it" Jason agreed
Blitzø slides up to Moxxie's side.
"Alright, let's go back to talking about my outfit." Blitzo siad, fixing his bow tie
"Nobody was talking about that." Loona stated before going back to her phone.
"Which is why I'm trying to get that ball rolling. So, how does it look? It's good, right?"
However, the child had a few choice words he wanted to share with them as he removed the wires connecting him to the heart monitor.
"It's been a literal hell having to pretend to be paralyzed, so you imp-becile wouldn't kill me! But now, I want that. I want death!" The kid groaned before pointing over at Blitzø. "You are a selfish, greedy clown. And I'm a kid. We're suppose to like clowns, even the creepy ones!"
"How about the Joker?" Jason asked, wanting to know if the kid likes the clown prince of crime
"At first i thought he was a myth but now I'm just sxared of him"
"Hey now, that's not very-" Moxxie said sternly, only to recoil once the boy started shouting at him.
"If I wanted to hear from a spineless jackass, I'd rip out your spine and ask you some crap!"
"That's my husband you're talking to!" Millie came in, wanting to defend her love. The boy however just laughed at this.
"That's your husband?!" He asked, to which Moxxie and Millie snarled at him. "I figured you were desperate, but I didn't know you were THAT Desperate!" He said while indicating that Moxxie was 'small' with his fingers.
"And you!" He continued, pointing to Loona.
"What? What about me?"
"Nothing. I don't talk to dogs. I'm a dog person."
"Wait, you didn't mention Jason" said the tallest Imp
"I don't like talking to gays" The boy stated
"I'm not gay kid"
The boy got something from his pocket and said "Oh yeah? Then how do you explain THIS" as he holds an old picture of Jason in his Robin costume
The group snickers at Jason as the boy wonder
"Why do keep that in your pocket!" Jason exclaimed and a bit embarrassed
"Wow. You know, kid, you kind of are a piece of crap." Blitzø states, clearly upset with the boy. Moxxie grumbles to himself angrily, his desire to kill him growing along with the others.
But they had principals. And since this boy was not their target, they had decided to not murder him and because they had a deal with Jason to not harm any Innocent people.
Suddenly, Loona receives a notification from her phone, her eyes widening in glee as she reads it. "Oh, man! Guys, I just got a text from our client. Guess he was the right target after all."
"Who?" Blitzø asked, to which she pointed over to the boy.
"Him." Loona points at the boy
"Me?" the boy questioned.
"Yup."
Blitzø looked to Loona in confusion. "They wanted us to kill an actual child?"
"That's what they're sayin'."
"For what reason?" Jason asked
Loona started texting him before getting a new message "He said he was the kid's math teacher and got killed by the kid by going to the science lab and made an acid to melt the guy because he gave the kid a C-" she answered
"Permission on killing the kid granted" Jason said before he tossed a gun at Blitzø
"Well, Christ on a stick, I guess there is a god!" Blitzø states before immediately shoots the kid through the chest, killing him instantly.
"You know, folks," Blitzø's voice was heard as we cut to him and Moxxie kicking the dead body of the boy in glee while Millie repeatedly stabs it. On the side, Loona takes a photo of it with her phone, most likely for their employer and on the other, Jason was talking on the phone.
"with this company, I really wanted to prove that we're capable of doing the same things anyone else can. Like killing people!" Blitzø, now in a hazmat suit, is seen cutting off the boy's arm with a hacksaw. Moxxie, in a suit similar to Blitzø's, comes in and start slicing up the body with a chainsaw.
We cut to the five now behind a dumpster, placing the boy's dismembered body into a sack. "So, from us here at the Immediate Murder Professionals group, we promise to settle your unfinished business or your money..." Placing the head inside, Moxxie and Millie look to one another and smile. "-is gone and you're never getting it back and you can write us a bad review, but we'll play dumb to it, because it's hell and no one cares."
"You know, even though this kid was a target, he's still a child." Blitzø said thoughtfully "And it's important that we handle this going forward respectfully." Hearing this garnered a smile from the group.
LIVING WORLD.
A news reporter is interviewing the boy's mother. While the reporter looked generally uninterested in what was going on, the mother looked like a mess, with her eyes red from crying and her hair all over the place.
In her hand was a rather crude drawing of the deceased child, sorta backing up the headline the newscast put up which said 'MOM SUCKS AT DRAWING OWN KID'
"Please! If anyone has seen my little boy, please contact us at-" the woman sobbed before a large bag dropping into her arms from the sky. Confused by this, her and the reporter look up to see a portal up above them. Out of it were the head of Blitzø, Millie, and Moxxie looking down at them.
"You're welcome!" Blitzø says with a wave before ducking back into the portal as it shuts.
Why hello everyone, nice to see you again.It's been like a month since I updated my other story. I would like to thank you all for your support, even when I was on hold, but now I am back but I would not be updating as frequently as I used to back then when I made this story.
The reason why I made Loona have a crush on Jason was...*sigh* my friend has a furry fetish and I lost a bet to him so I kinda had to do this, and that bet was taken at 2019, when Hazbin Hotel and Helluva Boss first aired, where I went under a different name for my profile and I kinda lied about being new here because of critics. My old phone got destroyed and I had to delete it. And the reason why I made Moxxie and Millie the same is because they are very cute together, and that's saying something coming from me.
Now...Stay tuned
Next episode: Murder Family