"Heart rate's fast, but looking—"

I can't get to them

"Splendid, he should come round—"

Their words sounded so close, but… who were they?

"Keep monitoring in the meantime."

Monitor? For what? The pain was excruciating. Instinctively my hand went to cup my head, but it was held tightly in place by something I couldn't see. Couldn't fathom. Where was I?

"Are you sure you're well, Harry?"

Her voice was kind, but her demeanor was stern in a way I had only seen a few times before.

"Yeah, of course." My breath caught in the midst of a forced smile, my eyes trying to look anywhere but at hers.

"You know this space is safe, right? You don't have to be anyone but…Harry."

I appreciated the sentiment, but it was never as easy as that.

"Thank you." I didn't know what else to say, but I could hear her calling after me as I walked down the hall.

"Come back to us, Harry."

I was breathless as I made my way to the waiting room. My body was vibrating, a lump like a rock had lodged in my throat. I was about to meet with the man who'd never been anything more to me than an enemy, for the first time in ages. What was I supposed to do with that? How did he expect me to react? My mind raced with a million scenarios. Would he curse me? Laugh at me? Scorn me, like so many times before?

His blond hair seemed to glow under the overhead light. Smooth, slicked back, though a bit longer than it was in our youth. His face looked tired, the victim of time, but there was still light dancing behind his eyes, a coy smile that seemed to hesitate on his lips.

"Harry, it's good to see you."

He held his hand out to meet mine, and I hesitated. I still wasn't sure if I was setting myself up for some elaborate hoax. Eventually, my hand found its way to his. His grip was firm, but his skin was soft. It felt like that moment lasted an eternity.

"Shall we?" He motioned out the doorway, and I nodded, still speechless. We entered the elevator, one after the other. The floors seemed to pass slowly as I tried to eye him from my peripherals. He merely stood, face front, hands clasped in front of his waist. After what felt like an eternity, the doors slid open. Our eyes locked as there was a moment where we silently decided who would exit first. He took the lead and broke my gaze, heading for the doors. I followed after him, my eyes adjusting to the sun as I stepped outside.

"What's this about Draco?"

He leaned against the building, taking out a pack of cigarettes from his pocket. He inclined them towards me, and I shook my head. He shook the pack upwards, a singular filter sticking out above the rest. His mouth came down on it, drawing it out of the pack. These movements were fluid, he must smoke often these days, I thought. He lit the end and took a long drag, tilting his head back before releasing the smoke from his lungs. "

"Can't a guy catch up with his old schoolmate?" He cracked a smile, taking another drag.

"I'm gone," I said, shaking my head and letting out an audible huff.

"Wait."

It was said almost with a tinge of…desperation. I stopped dead in my tracks.

"I'm sorry, I just—I thought we could talk."

I turned around, walking back slowly.

"About?"

He sighed deeply pausing before indulging in another drag.

"I wanted to say I'm sorry, Harry." He flicked the cigarette, coming closer, meeting my gaze once again. "Sorry for everything, and I know that doesn't cut it," he was talking more hurried now, more passionately. "But I just need to know that I have more purpose in life than to be known for my mistakes. I need to be more than just a warning whispered to others."

"I'm not here to indulge some kind of sick need for validation, Draco!" My words rang harsh against his own, and I felt myself go on the defensive. This was all to make himself feel better, wasn't it?

"Harry, no! Listen, that's not all of it, I just—I've hurt a lot of people. I know I've hurt you, too and I just need to let you know that it's never what I wanted. None of it. I was weak and foolish, and let myself be controlled like a puppet. I was a child, Harry, and I did fucked up, stupid, childish things that had dire consequences." His breath was getting short, and there was a quiver upon his lip. "I just need you to know, I never meant for things to happen the way they did. I never meant for people to die, to get hurt. All I ever wanted to do was fit in, but I never belonged anywhere. Too different for school, too cowardly for my family. If anything, I always wanted everything you had, I just didn't know how to get it. So I replaced warmth with coldness, friends with fear." I could see it now, his eyes were watering. "I'd take it all back if I could." And then a tear, singularly fell, rolling down the snow white of his cheek.

"I don't know what you expect me to say." The words fell from my lips, and I realized, I didn't know what to say, regardless.

"Say it'll be all right," he was crying now. "Say I'm more than a monster," he was walking towards me. "Say I can be forgiven!" In an instant he had me backed against an opposing wall, one hand beside my head, bracing himself. What was this? Was I? My hand reached up to my face, I was crying, too. I'm not sure what came over me at that moment. Maybe it was lack of sleep, maybe it was the therapy working, or maybe, just maybe…I felt sorry for him. Not disgust-tinged pity like I'd felt before, but genuine sympathy. I reacted, quickly, on pure adrenaline, and wrapped my arms around him. I embraced Draco Malfoy. Our tears stained each other's shirts, our sobs muffled by the other's shoulder. After a few cathartic moments, we dropped our arms, and Draco took a step back. A few seconds of silence passed, and then it was broken. Laughter. We roared with it, unsure if the tears now were ones of sorrow or relief.

"Did you ever think you'd see the day?" Draco wiped his face, and a smile splayed upon him.

"Never." I chuckled again, wiping my own face with my sleeve.

"Hey, I have some work to catch up on but, do you think we could do this again? Maybe have a real conversation, one where I don't make a complete arse of myself?"

"Definitely, same time, same place?"

Draco nodded, turning to grab the broom he'd left beside the bench outside. He'd gone out a few paces and mounted when I stepped forward. "And Draco!" He turned, looking at me, puzzled.

" You were never a monster."

I tried not to run, but my feet were moving quickly of their own accord. The doors rushed past me, the numbers were a blur. Finally, I was there. I touched the handle, pulled away, then placed my hand back upon it. I was about to open the door when—

"Oh! Excuse me!" The nurse inside crashed into me, hard. The wraps and dressings in her hands flew around the floor. I helped her gather them, startled and on edge. "No problem, my apologies." I moved around her, opening the door and giving her a small nod before entering the room. There he was, that dark hair carelessly tossed about. That skin, so smooth, I remembered it fondly. He turned his head up at me, brows furrowed.

"Who are you?"

My heart ached. How I longed to take him in my arms, to hold him, to… trace those lips. Yes, those lips I recalled, were so supple, so moist. I bit my own lower lip in silent contemplation.

"I'm Draco, a—uhm, a friend."

Harry seemed to loosen up a bit, his shoulders relaxed as he allowed himself a small grin. "Well thank goodness for that, I've had about all I can take of doctors and nurses right now." I chuckled, sitting on the bed next to him.

"So, how are you feeling?"

"Loopy, mate, loopy."

"I bet, I've heard treatment can be rough."

Harry sat up a bit straighter, "So you know what they've done to me, then?"

I paused, unsure of how to broach the subject. "I don't feel as if I'm the best one to explain it to you, perhaps the doctor can—"

"The doctors won't tell me anything more than they wiped my memory clean, hell, if I find out who let them do that, I'm gonna knock them a solid one."

I couldn't help but let out another chuckle, this one a bit more hearty.

If only you knew

"Well, I'm sure they deserve it." I smiled, resisting the urge to wrap my arm around his shoulder.

"So what's your name? I know that's probably a ridiculous thing to ask but…well."

I could feel tears stinging my eyes as I spoke.

"I'm Draco, Draco Malfoy."