"Patient's coming to."
Everything ached, I could feel a tense pressure in every muscle, every movement.
"Harry, Harry are you with us?"
The voices were coming through, but they were loud as if someone were standing with a megaphone to my ear.
"What? What's happening to me?" My words fumbled from my lips, slurred, disjointed.
"You're going to be fine Harry, just rest."
I felt my body being moved, metal clasps unhinging themselves from every limb. I could then feel myself being lifted onto a slab of warmth—blankets? And then we were moving.
I was fading, in, out, in, and out. When I opened my eyes I was in a white room, my head upon a pillow.
"We'll check on you in a bit Harry, for now, just relax."
How could I relax at a time like this? I could barely move, I could hardly speak. As I lay there, vulnerable and alone, something came rushing back to me. They were scenes, scenes from someone's life. My own life? It seemed my brain had been working overtime while I was under, and all those feelings and visions were flooding back to me. The red-haired woman, the blond-haired man. Feelings of resentment, anger, relief, and understanding. I could see children, laughing, and playing in front of a fireplace. But whose children were they? And who was this man, this woman that permeated my thoughts? I let sleep overtake me, and my mind drifted to another place, another time.
"Where have you been?" Her voice was accusatory as if she already knew I had been doing something wrong.
"I just got held up, ran into an old friend from school." She cocked an inquisitive brow, "Oh? Who?"
I had set myself up for this one.
"You wouldn't know them, just saw them in passing now and then."
She continued to dry the dish in her hand, and I was thankful she had dropped the subject. But why was I lying? What did it matter if she knew I'd spoken to Draco? And then I felt it, his arms around me, his tears against my shirt, touching my cheek. Yeah, maybe it was best if she didn't know.
"Lunch is on the table, I made you favorite." I sat down, I hadn't realized how ravenous I was until the sandwich touched my lips. I scarfed it down in a few bites, wiping my mouth with the back of my shirt. "Good to see you have your appetite back." She nodded approvingly, turning back to her housework.
"Poppa!" James crawled into my lap, the boy was growing bigger each day. Only eight, and yet it felt as if I'd been his father for a lifetime. His brother, Albus, and sister, Lilly, were both down for a nap. James was a bit more defiant, always fighting sleep. Ginny had given up ages ago and instead had him help her around the house during the afternoon. "Poppa, do you think we could play a round of wizard's chess? I've been practicing for the next time Ron comes over! I'll beat him next time, for sure!" I laughed, tussling the boy's hair. "Sure James, let me finish my tea and we'll have a go, eh?" He leaped from my lap in excitement, pulling the board out and beginning to arrange the pieces just so. I looked up to see a grin on Ginny's face. For the first time in a while, I felt content.
Draco and I continued to meet weekly, sometimes we'd stand around the therapist's building, too entrenched in conversation to move. Sometimes we'd go to grab a bite, or just take a walk through the city. We spoke of everything and nothing. On this day, we'd walked to a nearby park. The sun was warm, and the grass smelled sweet. We took a spot on a bench, facing a pond. My eyes tracked the ducks as they swam, water rolling lazily down their backs.
"Could you imagine? Life on the water, glistening, simple."
"Are you saying you want to be a duck, Draco?"
Our laughter permeated the space between us.
"No, I just mean, don't you ever want to get away from it all?
I thought for a moment, touching the cracked paint on the rail of the bench with my fingertips.
"I guess, sort of. I suppose I just wish life was easier."
"I doubt we'll ever see that happen."
I pursed my lips but nodded in agreement.
"Where does Ginny think you are this time?" He said it, in the midst of a small laugh, but I could tell he was being genuine.
"Taking care of some paperwork."
He sighed, "if you're unhappy Harry, you can just tell her."
It was a subject we'd broached before. Ginny and I had been having issues for quite some time. I loved her, yes, but she just couldn't understand what I was going through. Ever since my mental health had been in decline, she'd acted as if I were playing up my woes, dwelling on the negative, not trying hard enough. It was as if she expected to me to be the Harry Potter of her dreams, not the Harry that I currently was. I still wasn't sure if she was right. Was I not trying hard enough? It felt as if I was, but there was no doubt I was no longer the man she had originally married.
"Draco, I—I don't know. Maybe I am the one to blame.
He leaned up, his brows furrowed and his tone strong.
"I've told you Harry, you're not the problem! Think of all we've been through, that would bring a weaker man to their knees. But here you are, standing strong. Yes, the memories are haunting, and yes, they've made life hard, but you're dealing better than most. You have to allow yourself to be low, allow yourself to hurt, it's the only way you're ever going to process anything."
I lifted my hand to my forehead, rubbing it, noticing the thick outline of the scar. That fucking scar, changed the course of my life forever. What I wouldn't do to give it to anyone else.
"I feel as if I never have time to be low, Draco. Hell, even trying my best isn't enough. I'm still an unattentive husband, a piss-poor father, and an absent friend." My voice had risen and begun to crack.
Draco grasped my chin in his hand, jerking my head so that we were face to face.
"You' re human, Harry, that's what you are. You're a fucking human being, and if no one wants to understand you, wants to understand what you're going through, well…" He shook his head, casting his eyes down, before bringing them back up to meet mine. "I will."
I leaned my forehead against his, and I felt his hand cup my cheek. I wanted to be melting into him, pretending as if nothing else existed, but I stopped myself. What was this feeling? I'd never been vulnerable like this with another human, not since I'd begun to decline. As I was thinking on this, I felt Draco pull my chin up with his hand. And then it happened…
He kissed me.
He kissed me.
I leaned into it, his mouth encompassing mine, my lips grasping hungrily at his. It was sweet, passionate, and authentic. It was—wrong. I pulled away, my hand on his chest.
"Stop, no, what—"
"Harry, please, I'm sorry, I just thought…"
"No, Draco, I'm not, I mean to say, I'm not like-
"You're not gay?"
I hesitated for a moment, but then nodded slowly.
"I have to go."
He pushed off the bench, grabbing his broom.
I could hear him choke down a sob, and as I turned around, mouth open with the promise of words, I could see…
He was gone.
"Draco…" He mouthed my name back to me, his eyes, slightly glazed.
"Yes, it's a pleasure to meet you again."
Harry smiled, it felt so long since I'd seen that smile. Just being with him made me nauseous, gave me butterflies. I had to get him out of here, I had to bring him home. I couldn't let Ginny brainwash him, I had to protect him, I couldn't lose him again.
"So, about the person who put you in here…"
Harry perked up, gripping the bedsheet with both of his hands.
"I know who they are, and they're no friend to you, Harry. They mean to take you away from here, instill false memories in you, take you away from people who understand you."
Take you away from me.
"I can help you Harry, but you can't breathe a word about it to anyone."
He looked confused, this was a lot to bombard him with at once, I knew. However, time was of the essence. I needed him to be on guard for Ginny while I figured out how to get him out of this hell hole.
"Do you remember a woman? A red-haired woman? Pale skin, and freckles."
Harry seemed to contemplate this for a moment, then spoke up.
"Yes, I've been having memories of one, though I can't place who she is…"
"She's your wife Harry, and she's trying to control you. That's why she put you in here, that's why she had your memory erased. She believed you weren't the husband she wanted you to be, so she told them you're crazy and had your memory wiped."
Harry's eyes widened in fear and confusion.
"I'm going to fix this, but you can't mention I was ever here, okay? Also, she's sure to pay you a visit, you must not trust her, do you understand, Harry? My voice was rushed and cracked, trying to get everything out.
"No! No! This can't be happening to me!"
Harry grabbed his hair, tugging it, shaking his head vigorously. This wasn't the way this was supposed to go, shit.
"Shhh! Calm down, please! It's going to be okay."
"No! I can't, what is this? What are you saying?"
He was screaming now. I got up in a flurry, just as nurses began to rush in.
"I think it's time you leave." They were giving Harry a shot, probably going to knock him back out. I huffed at her words, taking one last look at the man I loved.
"I'll be back, Harry."