Chapter 14

Elba-esque

Bartimeo II stared into the forest behind me with a predatory intensity that sent chills down my spine. Wings flared, hackles raised, and spiny neck arched menacingly, he unleashed a hissing, rasping growl that would have struck fear into the hearts of even the boldest of warriors. My pulse began to race as a cold dread knotted itself in the pit of my stomach. It didn't take a genius to know that only something terrible could elicit such a fearsome response in the dragon. Self Preservation begged me to run for my life, but Curiosity...ah, Curiosity...needled me to turn and see what new terror there was to explore.

But of course I turned around. Need you ask?

There, looming monstrous and feral between the mossy trees, was a direwolf. It was enormous, absolutely enormous. Its shoulders were almost level with mine, and I knew for certain that it could have reached up and closed those massive jaws around my throat with the barest of efforts. Its fur was midnight black, glossy and thick, and its shimmering eyes were the color of dark emeralds.

"Well, now..." the wolf rumbled, its voice as deep and smooth as dark velvet. "What have we here?" It padded forward on massive, yet silent paws and began to circle me slowly, in doing so, allowing me to notice the intricate golden band that rested around its right front leg, shining and glistening reflectively. "It's...a girl...a goblin...and a—what's that up there? Is it supposed to be a dragon?"

"I should think that was obvious," I growled, answering for my dragon friend and readjusting my grip on my sword hilt. How good it felt to have it back in my hands.

The wolf laughed deep in its throat. "That is a mere bog lizard with a pair of wings."

Bartimeo hissed again, Clutch clung to my leg and whimpered, and I scowled at the creature. "Your turn, rude one," I said. "What do we have here? The Big Bad Wolf? Canis Lupus Giganticus?"

The wolf peeled back its lips in a ghastly smile, exposing a row of very long, very white, very sharp looking teeth. "What you have, girl, is far beyond your feeble comprehension." It began to circle me again. "What you have is the Bringer of Doom. What you have is the Shadow of Pain—"

"What we have is a hammy introduction," I grumbled.

The wolf growled menacingly, sending shivers up my spine. "Don't interrupt."

"Sorry."

The Bringer of Doom sighed impatiently, and resumed its monologue. "What you have is the All-Devourer. What you have..." Here, the wolf raised itself up on its hind legs and shocked me to no end by shifting into the towering form of a man. "Is The Balthasar."

I stared up at him. Eight feet tall he must have been, clad all in leather and swatches of fur and silk. His skin was the color of polished mahogany and he had gold-beaded dreadlocks of ebony that hung clear to his elbows. His eyes, like those of the wolf, were deepest green and sparked in amusement as they regarded me and my odd companions. Sharp were the teeth in that almost charming smile. And sharp were the blackened nails, filed to points at the tips of long, neck-snappingly strong fingers. Oddly, that golden band was still there, resting comfortably on his extremely well defined right bicep.

"Balthasar?" I said, moderately pleased at how level my voice sounded.

"No, no, darling, THE Balthasar," he corrected me gently, continuing in his easy pacing of circles around me. He looked, I realized, a bit like Idris Elba. A very tall, very feral, yet still very handsome sort of Idris Elba. Normally, I quite like Idris Elba...but not so much this frightening doppelgänger of his.

"The Balthasar?" I repeated lamely.

"There you go. Good girl."

"You should not be here," Bartimeo snarled from his tree branch up above. "When the king learns of your presence, he'll—"

"What?" asked The Balthasar sharply, turning that dangerous emerald gaze toward my dragon companion. "He'll what, you pathetic reptile? Do you think that I fear HIM?"

"Yes," the dragon hissed. "Or perhaps you are suggesting that your banishment was by your own design?"

A growl rumbled in the giant's chest then. "Times are changing, runt. Before long, Creation will bear this witness. But not yet. Nay, not yet..." He resumed his circling.

I sighed impatiently. "Okay, you two, can we abandon the cryptic ramblings, please? I have much to do, and very little time. So, if you'll excuse me..." I made a quick bow in The Balthasar's direction. "I must bid thee adieu."

The giant just chuckled and held up a hand. "Not so fast..." he said, eyeing me up and down. "Not the prettiest little thing, are you? But pretty enough, I suppose. Tell me, girl... You are human, are you not?"

"That...that depends on why you're asking..."

He smiled wistfully. "I haven't eaten of human flesh in over a century...I rather miss the taste."

That was it. Without another word I snatched Clutch up by the back of his tunic, spun on my heel, and proceeded to beat it the heck out of there, tucking the little goblin under my arm like a hairy American football as I ran.

"Run if it makes you feel better, girl," the monster called after me, laughing. "I'll even give you a head start!"

"Lara, this way!!" Bartimeo cried, diving through the air ahead and leading the way through the trees.

"Run, Miss! Run like tha wind!" Clutch screamed, scrambling nimbly up my arm and over my shoulder so he could ride on my back like some danger crazed monkey.

"What is that thing?!" I wailed as I sprinted through the undergrowth, dispensing with stealth completely. Somehow, I got the feeling that noiselessness would do us little good against this particular opponent.

"I should think that's obvious!" Bartimeo hissed back to me as he flew. "He's The Balthasar! He's a Shape-Changer! Did you see that band on his arm?! A witch's token! It lets him take on any form he pleases!! Worse than all that, though, he's the Cannibal of Calabad! Responsible for the deaths and devourings of hundreds of men, women, and children—human and Faery alike! But he's not picky. There's not a flesh and blood creature Aboveground or Under it that he would not devour! He hasn't been seen in the Labyrinth in over two centuries. Not since Jareth the First ascended the throne!"

"Who's that?"

"The Goblin King, fool girl!"

"Wait! His name's Jareth?!"

"Obviously!"

"That's the coolest name ever!"

"Are you serious?! Did you hear nothing of what I said before-"

"Ready or not!" boomed the voice of The Balthasar from somewhere far behind, "Here I come!"

"Our only chance is to try and lose him in the Bog!" Bartimeo cried. "Come on!"

I hoofed it, legs churning beneath me. My unfortunate lungs were already beginning to burn as I leaped tree roots and ducked branches, begging God to grant me the powers of Usain Bolt.

Before long we crashed our way into a huge clearing, split down the middle ahead of us by a massive ravine. A rope bridge, appearing for all the world as if it had been constructed a thousand years ago and neither repaired nor maintained since, stretched decrepitly across the great chasm. It looked as if a dragonfly's weight would crumble it into dust, but Bartimeo flew toward it without hesitation.

"Come on!" he cried. "Hurry up!"

Ah, fudge... "Hold on, Clutch!" Bidding the world a swift farewell and willing myself light as a feather, I darted onto that death trap of a bridge. I could not help but look down as I ran, down to the bottom of that ravine, and I had to fight the urge to stop and stare when I did. Far below, perhaps as far as eighty feet down, there was a river. But it was unlike any river I had ever seen before. It shone silver, as bright a silver as I had ever seen, as if it was composed entirely of liquid mercury. How beautiful it was...

"Do NOT fall in," Bartimeo warned firmly.

"Wasn't planning on it," I growled through painful gasps of breath as my feet hammered rickety planks. "Any special reason why not?!" Besides dashing my head on the rocks and drowning, that is. In my mind's eye, I pictured silvery crocodiles, piranhas, maybe a pearly eyed barracuda or two.

"Because it's cold!"

"Oh."

"AND you will lose not only your memories, but all your mental functions. It's like a lobotomy by baptism!"

"Well, great!"

"Indeed. It's called the Amnesias, for obvious reasons."

"Kay, I'll try not to—"

"Olly olly oxen free!"

I cast a glance back toward the sound and immediately wished that I had not done so. The Balthasar burst through the trees like a bear on a rampage and bounded toward the bridge. Though still in his giant human form, he moved with all the grace and feral strength of a charging lion and he more than half resembled one. His black dreadlocks flared out behind him like a great mane and that ravenous, sharp-toothed smile flashed dangerously even at this distance.

I can't be certain if I made a sound or not, but if I did I'm pretty sure it was: "AHHHHH!!!!"

"He's right behind us! He's gonna eat us!" Clutch screamed.

I put on a wild burst of speed, sprinting to the solid ground on the other side of the bridge, my tormented brain repeating a dread mantra of death. He's gonna kill us! He's gonna kill us! He's— I slid to a halt, stricken by sudden inspiration.

"What you doing?!" Clutch screamed as I turned to look back. "He's gonna git us!" He yanked at the collar of my shirt, trying to wheel me about, kicking me wildly with his little heels as if I was a horse. "Ya! Hya! Giddy up! Go!"

I ignored his screaming and raced back toward the bridge.

"NOOOOO!!!! You's crazy, Lady!" Clutch bailed off my back, rolled to his feet, and ran howling toward the safety of the undergrowth.

Once I reached the mossy wooden posts that served as the bridge's anchors, I raised my sword high above my head. The Balthasar was pounding across the planks at a terrible speed, making the bridge jump and sway like a ship tossed at sea. He was already well over half way across when I started hacking through the ropes. It took a few good chops, but one by one the brittle supports gave way. The Balthasar made not a sound as he plummeted from sight.

I could not help but smile in breathless triumph as the ruined bridge swung to crash and splinter against the ravine wall far opposite me. That...that had been way too close.

"Lara!" Bartimeo howled from behind me. "What are you doing?! Run, fool girl!!!"

"It's okay, Bartimeo, I got him! Look!" I grinned back at the little dragon. "I dropped him in the river! We're-"

"He's a SHAPE-CHANGER!!!"

A wild screeching filled the air, followed by the concussive sound of powerful wingbeats. I turned just in time to see an enormous, monstrous beast rising up from the ravine behind us.

"Oh, yeah," I murmured. "Oops."

With head, wings, and forelegs of a great golden eagle and the mid-section, hind quarters, and tail of a lion, a gryphon with a golden band encircling its leg dove forward and landed before me, causing the ground to shake under its weight. The creature arched its massive head down to my eye level, inhaled, and huffed a hot breath of air in my face, making my hair flutter and my eyes sting. "Tag..." the Balthasar rumbled. "You're it."

My heart sank like a frozen stone, and I knew...there was no hope of outrunning him now. I was far too winded, and with that giant pair of wings he would have me in a heartbeat. There was only one way out of this... Before terror and exhaustion could numb my stupid limbs completely, I forced myself to double my grip on my sword hilt, raising the blade slowly.

The Balthasar chuckled. "Brave girl..."

Without waiting for further invitation, I swung my blade in a high arch toward the gryphon's face. He dodged easily, flaring his great wings. I pressed my attack, ducking slashes from his talons, diving sideways to avoid his sharp beak, and trying my best to keep from plummeting to my death over the precipitous edge of that cursed ravine. The monster dodged and parried each of my steadily weakening blows with insulting ease, acting for all the world like a gigantic, gleeful cat playing with a frustrated mouse. On my final attempt at his murder, the Balthasar caught my blade in one of his taloned forefeet and pinned it solidly to the ground. I made one vain attempt to wrench the sword free of his claws, but the monster walloped me with one of his great wings, sending me flying arse over tea kettle. The air exploded from my lungs and brilliant spots of light began to dance before my eyes as I landed in a heap, dangerously close to the cliff's edge.

"Lara!" Bartimeo's alarmed voice only just reached me through the cacophonous ringing in my ears.

I groaned and spat out a mouthful of grass and leaves, rolling onto my side and trying to stabilize my spinning head. Before I could struggle to my feet, however, I found myself being hoisted high into the air by my ankles.

"I gooot you," sang the Balthasar, having shifted back into his human form. He raised me—upside down and disoriented—to eye level with but one of his powerful arms and grinned at me in all his Elba-esque glory. "You're speedy, for a human runt. Now tell me, girl, am I not the greatest of all beings?! You thought you had me there when you destroyed the bridge, didn't you? You didn't see that little trick of mine coming, did you?"

Oh boy... You're doomed, Lara. You're toast. And no fancy pants king to get you out of it this time, eh? Nope. You're gonna be a human sandwich. He's gonna gobble you up, just like that shape-shifting ogre in... The ogre in the Puss in Boots story! A lightbulb clicked on in my weird little brain, and it was like a beacon of hope.

"You're right," I cried dramatically. "You're right! I have never in my life beheld your equal! You must be formidable to take on as many as three whole different forms!"

The Balthasar's green eyes sparked in frustrated confusion, and he gave an indignant laugh. "Three?!"

"Well, yeah," I said, playing as dumb as I could. "The dog, the hawk-thing, and this kinda humany form you take now."

"My powers are not limited to just those three forms, girl, that would be pathetic!"

The blood was going to my head, distorting my voice as I slowly began to feel like I was suffocating. "But, no...you cannot take four."

"You stupid little dingbat! I can take on any form I choose!"

"No!"

"Yes!"

"Nooo! I can't believe it! I mean, you're obviously pretty great, but you can't be that great!"

"Believe it, child, for it is so!"

I cast about hopefully for a glimpse of Bartimeo, and saw him settled on a tree branch near by. His wings were spread in preparation, and he watched us intently, seeming uncertain of what to do. I caught his eye, trying to convey my plan through facial expression. II Gatto... I mouthed desperately. His golden eyes flashed as he nodded vigorously, encouragingly. And so I continued. "No, no, no, I cannot believe it! It is beyond my simple imagination!"

"Very well!" The cannibal dropped me rudely to the hard ground. "You want a demonstration? You shall have one!!" He glared down at me from his great height and raised his powerful arms skyward. Even as I watched his outline expanded, grew, and in a heartbeat there stood in his place a massive, glistening dragon. Ruby scales rippled over his powerful muscles, ivory fangs curved down from his lips, sword like talons gouged the earth, and he arched his long serpentine neck to better display the row of razor sharp spikes that ran the ridge of his spine. The great golden band on his right foreleg shone brilliantly against the red of his hide, having grown to accommodate his vastness.

"Behold!" he roared, loud as any hurricane. "A real dragon!"

"Now, that's just mean," I heard Bartimeo grumble from the tree line.

The Balthasar beat his powerful wings, buffeting me with downdraft. He opened his great jaws to send a searing tower of flame skyward. "And how is your imagination now?!"

"Humbled," I said, rubbing at my bruised shoulder. "Truly humbled." It was more than half true...

He chuckled, a rumble deep as any thunder, and lowered his massive head to my level, peering at me with one great and shining emerald eye. Suddenly, I had a very clear idea of how poor old Bilbo Baggins must have felt...

"Now, girl, you can tell yourself that you have the privilege of becoming a meal for the greatest of all creatures."

"Well," I pursed my lips skeptically. "I have the privilege of becoming a meal for a great creature, I suppose... Guess that'll have to be good enough."

"WHAT?!"

"I am forced to admit that you may just be able to adopt the shape of any number of monstrous beasts. This I concede. But, how could you possibly possess the power to take on any lesser forms? No. No. It's madness. You cannot."

The Balthasar whipped his massive tail in agitation, obliterating a line of young trees at the forest's edge. "All creatures, girl, are mine to encompass!"

"Ha! Even the small ones?"

"Great and small, I assure you!"

"But surely, you could not take the form of something so diminutive as a..." This is it. Don't screw this up, Lara. "As a mouse, for example?"

"Ha! Easier done than said, fool girl."

"I don't believe it."

"Believe it!" he bellowed, rattling my very rib cage. "For it is so!"

"No!" I shouted back, my voice threatening to go hoarse from all this yelling. "I'm sorry, I cannot believe it. You cannot be so powerful! Unless you could perform such a glorious feat before my own two eyes, I shall never believe it!"

"Then prepare to have your feeble mind blown away, child!" Without another word he shifted again, and in the place of a once glorious monster there now stood a small, fluffy, kind of adorable little field mouse with a tiny golden ring around his right foreleg.

"Ta-da!" he squeaked, jumping up on his hind legs and flinging his little mouse arms in the air in a pose of triumphant victory.

I smiled down at the creature. "Amazing."

Bartimeo pounced from the trees like a scaly, winged cat, and in a split second had the diminutive cannibal pinned beneath his claws. The mouse screamed in terror and struggled to free himself, but the dragon held him fast.

"Right then..." Bartimeo snarled in the Balthasar's tiny face. "You will hold very still, small beast, or I will roast you where you lay before you ever get a chance to shift. And then...I will eat you. Understand?"

The mouse, his furry chest heaving and beady black eyes wide with terror, nodded vigorously. I moved over to kneel beside my dragon friend and his dangerous captive.

"Hold him, Bartimeo..." I said, reaching down with thumb and forefinger and slipping the tiny gold ring off of the cannibal's mousy foreleg. "I'll have that! Your all-devouring days are over now, Former Shadow of Pain." The Balthasar screamed squeaky murder, insults of another tongue flying from his rodent lips as I lifted his treasure away from him.

Bartimeo pressed down on the little creature, causing his mousy eyes to bulge. "That's quite enough of that. What say you, Champion? Should I eat him?"

The Balthasar was shaking his little head so fast his face was almost a blur.

"Ah, come now..." I said. "He's only a little thing. Hardly a mouthful. Let the poor creature live, I think."

Bartimeo nodded, and raised his taloned foot, allowing the mouse to leap to his feet and scamper away. Before disappearing into the undergrowth, however, he turned and began to spew insults at us again. Bartimeo just spat a thin jet of blue flame harmlessly in his direction, causing the little creature to give a shriek and scurry away.

"I hope you enjoy your new diet, Balthasar the Small," I called after him.

"You should have just let me eat him..."

I turned a beaming grin on my dragon companion. "You, my glorious Bartimeo, were absolutely brilliant."

Bartimeo flared his wings and beat them in excitement. "No, you were! You were, Lara, you clever girl! Do you have any idea what we've just done? What a mad and wonderful thing we've just done? Lara, we defeated the Cannibal of Calabad! I can't believe it! We've defeated The Balthasar! Do you have any idea how remarkable that is?! He's spent centuries tormenting, obliterating, devouring...and now! He'll spend the rest of his days living off a mouse's meal plan! When word of this gets out, songs will be written about us! Tapestries woven! We'll be the heroes in bedtime stories!" He gasped. "Lara, we'll be in history books!"

I couldn't help but laugh at his wild ecstasy. He was right. It would take some time to sink in, but deep down I knew that what we had done was truly remarkable...and it had also been one of the coolest bloody experiences of my entire life.

Bartimeo was still rattling off lists of the honors we would doubtless receive as I looked down at the tiny golden ring on my palm. Upon close examination, I found that it had Celtic etchings around its edges, runes of black that I could not read. There were similar etchings on the inside of the band, these in red. Even as I held it, the band grew, expanding itself until it looked as though it could slip quite easily over my hand. What if...

"Lara, don't you dare!" Bartimeo snapped suddenly, rising swiftly from his reveries. "Don't even think about it."

"But what if I put it on just for now?" I protested. "Just for this mission? I could become a bird or a dragon, and we could fly straight to the castle!"

"You mustn't even entertain such an idea! That ring is imbued with the darkest of magics... There's no telling what kind of effect it might have on a human." He surprised me then by climbing up onto my forearm. The feel of his weight and taloned feet through the fabric of my sleeve reminded me greatly of the time I had held my cousin's iguana. Bartimeo's scales were much warmer than the iguana's, though...and he was much, much more intelligent. The creature looked soberly up into my face, those eyes of his shimmering like molten gold. "You don't need dark magic to succeed, little one. Trust yourself. And trust me to get you to the castle in time. Have I not promised to do so? Besides..." He tapped my wrist with a talon. "You are already more than equal to the task, with or without my help."

"You think so?"

The little dragon snorted yellow sparks. "You should know better than to start questioning my judgement now..."

I chuckled at that and began to stroke the scales on his neck. "Alright. Alright, Bartimeo... And thank you." The dragon, instead of flinching away as he might have done before, bowed his head and hummed his appreciation.

I examined the band again. "But what to do with this, then?" There was no way I was going to leave it here for The Balthasar or some other horrid creature to claim. And I didn't want to pack it with me, if it's magic was as dangerous as Bartimeo said. What then to do with...ah. I looked back to study the steep ravine a moment before casting a questioning glance at my dragon companion. He nodded his approval, so I got stiffly to my feet.

Bartimeo climbed up onto my shoulder as I retrieved my sword from its place in the grass and walked over to the ravine's edge. There I hesitated a moment, leaning on the ancient blade like a crutch whilst contemplating the impossible vein of mercury at the bottom of the crevasse. What a wild and wonderful world this was...I could feel it twining its way into my heart, making a home there. Leaving, I realized, was going to be a lot more difficult than I had originally imagined. Rousing myself from a threatening melancholy, I tossed the golden band over the edge and the dragon and I watched it turn and shimmer as it tumbled down into the silver waters far below. No one could ever hope to retrieve it from there. How could they? They would forget their own names before they could reach the bottom. Let the Amnesias swallow it up to be forgotten as it had all of its victims before.

"Right," I said. "Onward, don't you think? And where the devil has Clutch got to?"

The little goblin caught up with us a few dozen yards into the forest. I had to keep prying his arms from around my knees as he exclaimed again and again how frightened he had been, how he'd thought I was dead for sure, and how glad he was that we were alright. We resumed our journey when finally we calmed the little bugger down enough to get him walking again.

"Is something amusing you, Thursday's Child?" Bartimeo asked, having noticed the absentminded smile that persisted in plaguing my lips. He rode on my shoulders now, comfortably draped across them like some strange, scaly scarf, seemingly having forgotten how to maintain his previous stoic loner's disposition.

I just shook my head dismissively. "Nah, nothing really..." And really, it was nothing. It certainly shouldn't have made me smile so...but it did.

He has a name, I thought.

His name was Jareth.

Author's Note: Now then, this silly little chase sequence was based almost entirely upon a dream I had in which I had done something to induce the wrath of the great and beautiful Idris Elba, resulting in me having to run for my bloody life as he chased after me like some raging Olympian devil. The memory still makes me shudder, and I know now that he is the last person on this earth that I would want to be angry with me! So thank you, Idris, for the use of your image in my lame little story.

As always, My Readers, any questions, comments, or criticisms are most appreciated. I won't pester you for feedback, though! I'm not afraid of crickets. Just know that I assume your silence to be approval, and as such, I mean to continue my strange tale just as I have been!

Until next time,

FireDancer