Chapter 20: Problems of first impressions

"Its not as bad as it looks." I weakly argue to the blue haired lancer, who alternates between staring at his unconscious master and me with a slightly raised eyebrow.

I knew Dragons would probably be feared in their home dimension, but I didn't think that Violet would pass out the second she saw Tiamat.

"Kid, she's out cold." He replies with a slightly raised eyebrow and less than amused look "How is she going to sell her charms or whatever if she's passed out on the floor."

"She'll probably be up in a minute." I argue back, only to wince when he scowls at me.

"She was, remember? Then she saw your-" He gestures at Tiamat "-Dragon Milf-" I cough, rather violently, and Tiamat tilts her head in confusion "-again and passed out." he crosses his arms "Face it, as long as she's around, my Master is going to continue venturing off into the land of dreams."

"Sorry." I eventually sigh out, and send him an apologetic look "I only found out how Dragons were perceived from Tohru about half an hour ago. I didn't think it would be that bad."

He scrunches up his face in confusion "So, Fafnir wasn't an evil Dragon then? Just dramatically misunderstood?"

I go to answer, and find that no words come out. He's made an attempt to be civil, but Fafnir's obvious dislike of humans and his penchant for curses make it hard to argue he couldn't be described as evil in some capacity "He's not that bad when you get to know him." I eventually go with "Though it might be best if you try and steer clear of him." I look at Tiamat "Do you think you could help with that Tiam-" she clears her throat and pointedly looks at me, I take in a breath "Do you think you can help with that, mother?"

She beams at me and pats my head, I do my best to ignore Lancer's amused grin at the rather embarrassing situation "Of course, little one. I'll keep Fafnir from hurting the dog."

"Oi!" Lancer scowls at her and then goes to argue, Tiamat snaps her head to him and gives him a rather hollow smile "...On second thought, Dog jokes...I love them." he says through gritted teeth. She nods her head and disappears into the crowd "How'd she even know who I am?"

"I try not to question things around her too much." I reply with a shrug "I typically find I'll be here for a while trying to make sense of it all."

"Eh." Lancer scoffs and shakes his head "Oh well, by the way, how come you want me to stay away from Fafnir or whatever?" he blinks "That is a sentence I just said outside a Grail War…" he scrunches his eyes and looks thoughtful "Or France…"

"Huh?" I blink at him in confusion "Why France?"

"I have no idea." He sniffs "Just feels right for some reason...That and I'm picturing Santa Claus with a sword."

"Anyway." I clear my throat, trying to avoid whatever can of worms that is, "Fafnir is interested in curses and is very good and sniffing them out."

"Right." He nods along with me.

"And he could tell I had been on the receiving end of a curse." I go on "Which prompted me to explain I had been stabbed...by a cursed spear."

"...Ah."

"Which you currently own."

"...Thanks kid." Lancer deadpans at me "Throwing me to the Dragons, real classy move that."

"I didn't say that you specifically were the wielder." I hold my hands up in a placating manner "I just said it was a cursed spear."

"Of which only two people wield." He finishes with a scowl "You should thank the Grail that I'm the one who got summoned kid, my Teacher would consider it a matter of personal pride to either kill you or try and train you for being able to survive the lance." he rolls his eyes "And she would be less than pleased at you…" he pauses then makes a face of realisation "Actually on second thought, she'd probably consider the Dragon a challenge and try and kill him."

"Oh." I reply "Good thing she isn't here then."

"Probably." He shrugs, then seems to nurse a phantom pain "She was quite a hands on instructor."

"Hmm." I hum in reply and look down at the stall to see Violet's eyes flutter as she raises her head from her slumped over position on the table.

"H-huh?" She blinks and looks around "Cu? W-what happened?" she rubs her eyes and lets out a groan "I...I had a really horrible nightmare…"

"Oh yeah?" He blankly replies and shoots me a look before returning his gaze to the woman "What about?"

"There was a dragon...A dragon goddess." She quietly replies "She was right here…"

"She's actually somewhere over there now." He gestures with a thumb behind himself towards the general direction she headed in "Kid managed to get her to harass some other poor Dragon instead of you."

"Oh." Violet stares at Lancer, then her eyes drift over to me "So she's real?"

"Yes." I nod, then wince as her eyes seem to glaze over.

"Okay." She whispers "Cu? I'm going to have a little nap now. Can you mind the store?"

"Well I-"

"Thank you." Her head slams back onto the table with a thud, and she quickly falls off her chair onto the ground.

Lancer sniffs and palms his face "Great." then looks over to me "You're not busy right?"

"Well, actuall-"

"Great." He grins and slaps me on the back, with enough force to send me stumbling "Because I could really use your help, and we both know you just love helping people!"

"How'd you know that?" I narrow my eyes at him, he gives me an amused smirk in return.

"You aren't a complicated person."

"Fair enough."

I give a welcoming smile and hand out another pamphlet to a person walking past. It seems that Violet styled her charms and guides on some manga series. I'm not too familiar with it and neither is Lancer. Although he's surprisingly good at getting people over to the stall.

"Thank you, that will be 200 yen." I receive the appropriate change, and the man walks off with his guide for growing healthy tomatoes. What a strange day this is quickly turning out to be.

"...I'm quite disappointed, Emiya." The voice of Fafnir breaks me out of my musings and I quickly find him staring me down "When I spoke of my dislike of charms, I wasn't expecting you to immediately aid in selling them."

"I caused the owner some problems." I reply quickly "I decided to help her out."

Fafnir stares at me a moment, then peers over the table and looks down at the sleeping form of Violet bundled just under the table. Only her legs sticking out.

I cringe as he raises an eyebrow at me before leaning back "I see." he scowls "Still...despite my best efforts to keep the Primordial mother away, she has confiscated a great deal of my curses." his expression changes to become slightly more despondent "Although I have noticed, to my bitter disappointment, that the false charms have been selling easier than the few curse booklets I had."

"I'm sure you'll forgive me if I'm not broken up about that." I dryly retort, he gives me an unamused glare before letting out a sigh.

"You humans. I give you the gift of knowledge and you spur it."

"I'm fairly certain the ability to cause gruesome deaths isn't the type of knowledge that the ordinary person would want." I shake my head at him, ordinary person? No. Some magi families? Most definitely.

"Kid? You got another customer?" Lancer's voice calls out as he walks over to me, a small red pole with a sign with the stall logo on it slung over his shoulder "I think I managed to rope a few more…" he trails off when he see's Fafnir and his expression quickly changes into one of exasperation "Seriously? Another Dragon?"

"Ho?" Fafnir stares Lancer down with an intrigued glint in his eyes "You have quite the disrespectful tone for a mere ghost." his brows quickly furrow "No...not simply a mere ghost it seems." his eyes dart over to me "What peculiar friends you have Emiya."

"Yeah. We go way back." Lancer replies with a shrug "You here to buy something?"

"Hardly." Fafnir scoffs "I was merely observing a specimen of interest." he turns away, but not before giving me a look over his shoulder "I hope you remember I expect a favour from you, Emiya."

With that, he disappears back into the crowd.

"Yeesh." Lancer releases a sound of annoyance "Guy's a creep. Not envious of that attention."

"Thanks for your sympathy." I sigh out loud "You should consider yourself lucky he hasn't decided to mark you as a person of interest."

"Meh." Lancer shrugs "I've dealt with my fair share of weird stalkers." he grins, then frowns "Although the last one I dealt with led to my death...probably not the best track record now that I think about it...and I'm not too keen on sleeping with that guy either."

"He was here because he's a little bitter that I made him start selling fake charms than his original product."

"What was it?"

"A do it at home guide on curses." I frown "Quite horrible ones too."

"...You really know how to pick your friends don't you?" Lancer deadpans at me, I let out another breath of exasperation "What did you even do to attract this weirdo?"

"Accidentally projected a Noble Phantasm in front of him."

"...Dumbass."

"Thanks for that."

"Thanks again." Violet gives me a small smile, then anxiously looks at the company I'm keeping "S-sorry for bothering you."

"No, sorry for scaring you like that." Kobayashi gives her a slight wave, then frowns at Tohru "It's these three I should be apologising for."

"I did nothing wrong." Fafnir huffs and crosses his arms, Takiya shrugs at us as if saying 'what can you do?'

Tohru is still glaring at Lancer, who returns her glare with a relaxed posture and one eye cracked open.

And Tiamat is still patting my head and saying how 'proud she is' of me taking care of a stall as if I'm a child.

"Still, wasn't that bad, was it Master?" Lancer grins and slaps Violet on the back "Made you some money, eh?"

"Y-yes...I suppose." She gives him a small smile and turns back to me "Seriously though. Thank you for the help. It was nice meeting you."

"Yeah." Lancer grins "By the way, Master I was hoping to hang out for the night. Me, the kid and the magical zoo were going out drinking."

"Huh?" She turns to him in surprise "D-drinking? But I-"

"Not that much." I rush to assure her "I'll make sure that both-" I look in Kobayashi's direction. She lets out a nervous chuckle and scratches the back of her head -"of them behave themselves."

"I've got beer back at my place." Kobayashi shrugs "Enough for some visitors." she gives a smile "Besides. Its nice to meet some normal magical people."

"Hey! I'm perfectly normal." Tohru pouts, which we all elect to ignore.

"Well…" Violet hums in thought before letting out a sigh "Fine...I suppose a couple drinks couldn't hurt, could they?"

…

Why did she have to jinx it?

Omake: Wrong Place, Wrong Shirou

"It's perfect, Illya-chan! Double the Shirou! Double the Hus-"

"AHHHH!" Illya let out a squeal as she covered up Ruby, and glanced back at the other Shirou.

Who was glaring at Archer. Who was also glaring right back, while her Shirou stared at the other four visitors in mild confusion.

"Huh?" Kobayashi released a small noise before leaning in and looking at Archer "...Have we met before?"

"No." Archer replied, taking his scowling face away from Shirou and towards the red haired woman and the dragons "Typical however, that this halfwit should somehow manage to get roped into...whatever menagerie this is."

"Oh yeah?" Shirou scoffed, then gestured at the house "And what is all this?"

"...Shut up." Archer scowled.

"Two Shirous…." Irisviel muttered, then grinned wildly "Twice the grand babies!"

"Oh?" Tiamat perked up next to Irisviel "Grand babies…" then smiled "That sounds quite...appealing."

"Doesn't it just!?" Irisviel beamed "All those little toddlers to spoil!"

Kanna stared at Illya, then looked over to her Shirou, then the other Shirou, then back at Illya.

"Hel-" Illya began, only for Kanna to cut her off.

"He's my Onii-chan." She crossed her arms "Get your own."

"Wh-" Illya recoiled, then frowned and stomped her foot "No! He's mine!"

"I'm a better little sister." She replied, her expression forming a slight scowl "He lets me sit on his lap."

"Wha-" Illya blinked. Shirou hadn't let her do that in years! "N-no fair!"

Tohru was staring at Archer, then back at Shirou "Weird…" she muttered, then turned to Kobayashi "Will you get tan and get white hair when you get older?"

"Huh!?" Kobayashi balked "What the heck are you!?" then looked at the trio of Emiya's again "What the hell…Are you all?"

"No/Yes." Shirou 2 and Archer replied with a negative while Shirou 1 replied in a positive. The other two Emiya's glared at the Red haired counterpart, who sunk into the sofa in embarrassment.

"What's so important that you called me, Iri?" A voice called out as the front door closed shut, Shirou 2 blinked in shock as he recognised it, then turned to see Kiritsugu enter the room.

The man gaped like a fish as he beheld the strange assortment of people and phantasmals in his house "What the…"

"Dad!?" Shirou 2 stared in shock "What the…"

"Dad?" Kobayashi perked up and looked over at Kiritsugu. The woman stood up and approached him with a smile "I can't say much for you in our dimension. But you raised a good kid." she nodded at him, which Kanna, Tohru and Tiamat mirrored.

"Iri?" Kiritsugu called out "...What is this?"

"Visitors!" Irisviel beamed "We have some from our neighbouring world, courtesy of Ruby!"

"I will be accepting praise for this wondrous meeting!" The Kalediostick called out.

"I'm confused." Tohru rubbed her head "So...He's Shirou, he's Shirou and he's Shirou?"

"No." Shirou 2 shook his head "I'm Shirou and he's Shirou. That's Archer."

"...But aren't you all just Shirou?"

Archer let out an annoyed groan "Just my luck."

"Just our luck more like." Shirou 2 grumbled.