Chapter 21: The old times

"Haaa!" Lancer lets out a rather pleased noise as he throws back another beer, Kobayashi doesn't seem to be taking this lying down either, although trying to match him drink for drink probably isn't very smart.

"They're terrible." Violet lets out a rather exasperated sigh next to me, she didn't want any alcohol so I decided to make her some tea instead. She doesn't seem to be as concerned with the Dragons now, although she might also be hiding it.

The comiket had gone pretty well, Fafnir was also fairly annoyed at how well the phony charms sold, he maintains that his curses would have sold more. I disagree, even if I didn't there is no way I was ever going to let that sort of thing slide.

"Shirooouuu…." And Kobayashi is already slurring her words, brilliant "You aren't drinking your beer…"

"Eh?" Lancer looks over to me, his red eyes shine with disappointment and he lets out a sigh "Kid...Where's the sense of occasion?"

"I'm sorry if my desire not to get wasted is annoying you." I sigh, looking at the beer can in my hands. I never much liked the stuff, far too bitter to have. Although I suppose neither of them are going to let this go, I take another sip from the can. Tohru is glaring at Lancer from the kitchen, likely out of jealously. I don't think she's forgiven him for flirting with Kobayashi earlier.

As for Kanna…

"Onii-chan is smart." Kanna replies, nestled in my lap "He doesn't want to get sloshed like Kobayashi-san."

"Pfft." Lancer stifles a laugh while Kobayashi chokes in shock, even I can't fight the slight smirk worming its way onto my face. "Hahaha! Looks like the little dragon's got a lot of fire in her!"

I roll my eyes at his rather obvious pun, heck, even I can feel Kanna's deadpan expression and I'm not even looking at her.

"Still kid…" Lancer smirks at me "You always have the weirdest of pals don't you?"

"Well…" I shrug "I suppose I can't really deny it...I also always seem to run into gluttons as well."

"Your cooking ain't half bad though." Lancer shrugs, then gives me a rather sad look "A shame too...you'd have been a perfect wife."

Wha-

"Huh!?" I choke "What the heck are you saying all of a sudden!?"

"What?" Lancer shrugs "Your stuff is still there isn't it? Ain't no reason to redden up."

I'm most certainly not blushing and my stuff is still very much there, and I'd rather not shout that out to him considering the atmosphere.

"Huh…" Kobayashi narrows her eyes at me, then looks at Tohru "Hey...Tohru...could you turn him into a girl?" she slurs out the words, sounding slightly intrigued.

"Huh?" Is Tohru's response, and my own considering what she just asked.

"It's just…" She hiccups "Lancer was sayin that stuff about bein a wife...Then I thought...If Shirou was a girl...he'd be a great maid…"

"It'd be a welcome change." Lancer looks like he's on the verge of bursting into laughter.

"I am not letting you turn me into a girl!" I virtually shout at her, then whirl on Tohru "And do not even think about humouring her."

"Onii-chan would become...Onee-chan?" Kanna whispers to herself, a disturbingly interested tone to her voice.

"No!" Tohru wails "I won't let you swap Shirou-san's gender! You'd just have him replace me!"

"I'd probably be more open to his seduction than yours." Kobayashi mutters.

I can feel a rather venomous glare directed at my back, Lancer is now grinning at me as if he just heard the worlds funniest joke.

"Now children…" Tiamat calls out, sounding slightly exasperated "There's no need to have all this drama...and we are not changing anyone's gender." I let out a sigh of relief, Tiamat. I've never been more thankful to have you than right no- "Although he would look very attractive in a dress."

Traitor. I narrow my eyes at the Dragon servant, she just tilts her head and continues to give me the same serene smile as if nothing she said was wrong.

"Like I said." Lancer's laughter dies down, giving me a shark like smirk "Great pals you got." he sniffs and then looks me up and down with an inquisitive gaze, which I do not like being on the receiving end of "Still...I always was partial to red heads."

"Moving on." I loudly clear my throat, Lancer just cackles at me and Violet palms her face.

Kobayashi blows a raspberry and slumps in defeat, don't look at me like I've crushed your dreams.

"So...Lancer-" Tohru begins, Lancer waves her off.

"Ah, we ain't in a Grail War." He sniffs "You can just call me Cu, or Cu Chulainn." he shrugs "Whichever, I don't really care."

"Grail War?" Kobayashi mutters, then looks at him weirdly "What's that?"

Lancer gives everyone else in the room an incredulous look before he widens his eyes and looks at me "I thought you were just joking earlier, but you really didn't tell them." he clicks his tongue "Damn kids, no sense of pride."

"What the heck is a Grail War?" Tohru just tilts her head, then looks at Kobayashi and myself in a confused manner "Is it some kind of human holiday I haven't heard of?"

"No." I sigh and pinch the bridge of my nose "It is neither a holiday, nor is it deserving of celebration."

"Surviving one is though." Lancer shrugs, then gives me a sideways glance "Specially with the characters we had running around."

"Its not that important." I reiterated "Although If you are curious, it is where I met Lancer for the first time."

"I was curious about that." Tohru begins, crossing her arms and looking down at Lancer "I'm older than you and I've never met a Demi-God ghost. I've met regular ghosts, but they weren't like you at all."

"Heroic Spirit." Lancer and myself correct her at the same time "Basically I kicked so much ass in life, that I can get brought back to kick more ass." Lancer continues with a wide grin "I'm sure some one heard of Cu Chulainn before?"

"No/Nope/Not me." Everyone in the room goes on, Lancer slumps slightly.

"Okay, I wasn't expecting the dragons to know." He admits, then shoots Kobayashi a disappointed look "But come on, you're human! How come you've never heard of me?"

"I failed history." Kobayashi admits.

Lancer shrugs his shoulders "Fair enough." he throws back another beer "Basically I got brought back for a grail war. Me and a bunch of other Heroic Spirits fight eachother to get a wish or whatever." he throws a thumb in my direction "Where I met this kid."

"Oh?" Kobayashi drowsily looks from Lancer over to me "Was it like some live magician TV show?"

"Hahahahahaha!" Lancer throws back his head and laughs, I suppress a wince. It wasn't exactly public knowledge, nor was it meant to be. I was proof of that.

"Hey!" Tohru frowns "Don't make fun of Kobayashi-san! She doesn't know your weird magical rituals!"

"Nah." Lancer wipes away a tear from his eye "It was actually the opposite. No one was supposed to know about it outside a few people."

"So how'd you meet Shirou?" Kobayashi looks over to me "Was he one of the select people?"

I cringe "Not...exactly."

"Nah, see I'm fighting an Archer servant." Lancer begins "Guy was a real asshole, anyway. I'm fighting this guy, about to kill him then bang." he slams his hand down on the table for good measure "I catch this kid spying on us." he begins laughing "So he runs away, as you probably would so I have to chase him down through his school. It takes all of like a minute before I catch up to him."

"Then what?"

Lancer takes another gulp of his beer "Stabbed him through the heart."

The room sobers up pretty quick after that.

"...Huh?" Kobayashi is the first to break the silence, looking genuinely confused "Could...could you just repeat that?"

"Stabbed him through the heart." He holds out his hand and the blood red spear comes into existence "With this thing to, an-"

"What the hell!?" Kobayashi recoils from the Lance, Tohru widens her eyes and snarls at the thing and Kanna is now gripping my trouser leg quite tightly.

"Huh?" Lancer looks around the room, then snaps his fingers in realisation "Ah yeah, that blood lust." the spear vanishes "Forgot about that."

To be fair, I had as well. Although because it wasn't directed at me, I probably have a greater resistance to it. Kobayashi less so.

"So anyway." Lancer continues on "Kid got stabbed. I genuinely believe I killed him." then he rolls his eyes in a disbelieving way "But surprise, surprise. He somehow survives. So I had to go to his house just to kill him again." he makes it sound as though he was inconvenienced.

"Y-you killed him!?" Kobayashi is still in shock, picking up on that and then looks at me, eyes wide "He killed you!?"

"Technically yes." I raise my hand "But actually no. I got better."

"I got better, he says." Lancer scoffs at me "My luck in killing people that hole war was worthless."

"You got Kotomine." I offer, a small smile at him.

"Yeah." Lancer gives himself a small pat on the back "I did."

"How are you so calm about this!?" Kobayashi virtually screams at us "He stabbed you with this evil, demonic spear!?"

Myself and Lancer look at eachother for a few moments before looking back at Kobayashi.

"Lancer's an alright guy." I explain "Besides. He helped me out with some stuff during the war. I think that made us even."

"Kids alright." Is Lancers sentence "Besides, who hasn't been almost killed by your pals?"

"Me!" Kobayashi roars.

I can't help but raise my eyebrows at her, me and Lancer slowly look over to Tohru in a pointed manner.

Kobayashi follows our gazes and then pauses, slumping her shoulders and turning back to us "Nevermind then…"

"Huh?" Tohru just looks around rather confused.

"See?" Lancer just has a careless expression on his face "We're all good."

"You hurt Onii-chan." A voice mutters darkly, I freeze and look down to see a sinister aura surrounding Kanna.

"Eh?" Lancer looks over, with a somewhat bored face, although I don't miss how his eyes are now gleaming with intrigue "Its in the past. Besides, he got better."

"You injured the young one." Now I find myself sweating, my eyes slowly travel to the malevolent form of Tiamat, glaring down at Lancer.

Who is now paling slowly.

"Its fine!" I wave my hands at the pair, trying to prevent a possible murder "Its fine! I forgave him already! It doesn't matter anymore!"

"Hmm…" Tiamat tilts her head slightly, lips pulled into a frown "I dislike the idea of a stray harming one under my protection."

"Bad dog." Kanna mutters.

"Oi!" Lancer scowls and throws up his arms "What's with all the dog jokes!?"

"Quiet mutt." Tiamat hisses at him "I am deciding a fitting punishment for actions."

"Mother." I frown at her, she turns to me with a stern expression "No. I've forgiven Lancer, don't start anything...please."

"Hmph…" She narrows her eyes at me before she crosses her arms and looks away "I suppose we could be...convinced." her eyes travel down to the small dragon sitting on my lap "Isn't that right, Kanna?"

"Cake." Kanna mutters, then looks at me with a begging expression.

"Fine." I sigh "I suppose I could bake you a cake."

"Yay."

"I'll think of something later." She smiles at me in a way I'm not completely comfortable with, then looks down at Lancer with an indifferent expression "Be grateful dog. You've been spared my wrath."

"Lady, you don't even rank the top three most threatening women I know." Lancer chuckles. The waves his hand at me "Fine, though. I suppose it would cause trouble for my master if I…" he trails off as he looks over to Violet, then frowns.

I follow his gaze and see her passed out, clearly having fainted.

"Wonderful." I mutter under my breath, shooting a glance at Tiamat, who is now looking at her fingernails.

"Shirou…" Kobayashi whispers at me "I don't think we have any normal friends."

"No...We do not."

Omake: Nuptials.

"She say what she was going to do?" I ask Kobayashi as we walk towards where Tohru had called us out to, Kanna walks along side us holding my hand while Tiamat walks just behind.

"No." Kobayashi clicks her tongue in annoyance "She does this sometimes, just leaves a message telling me to go somewhere and then disappears." she looks thoughtful "Although this is the first time she's invited anyone else."

"Must be important." I shrug "Still, the message made it sound pretty urgent."

"I'm more concerned about what she's been doing." Kobayashi crosses her arms "She's been watching a lot of romantic soap drama's lately."

"Really?"

"Yeah."

"...Huh. Didn't think she'd do that."

"Me neither." We continue on, then come to a stop just inside the park.

"Is this the place?" I ask, she nods at me.

"Yep." Then pulls out a piece of paper "Meet me at park for surprise, bring Shirou, great mother and Kanna."

"Ara?" A voice calls out to us, we turn to the right to see Lucoa, Fafnir, Takiya and Shouta arrive, also looking as perplexed as we do.

"What are you guys doing here?" Kobayashi questions, looking as stumped as I am.

"Tohru left a note at the door." Lucoa explains "She asked me to come to the park, I met Fafnir-san on the way here as well."

"I assume you were dragged here for a similar reason?" Fafnir scowls "Honestly, what a waste of my time. I was just about to defeat that infernal Champion Gundyr." he mutters under his breath. Takiya gives him a friendly pat on the back.

"You all made it!" The orchestrator behind this entire meeting arrives in a flash of light...wearing a white dress.

"Tohru?" Kobayashi recoils in shock "Why the heck are you in a wedding dress!?"

"I finally understand why you have rejected my body." Tohru proclaims with a wide smile "Human customs are very specific on intercourse outside of 'marriage' so I have decided to remove that obstacle for you!"

"HUH!?"

"Behold!" Tohru snaps her fingers, instantly we're surrounded by chairs and an arch of followers over her. She's effectively summoned wedding decorations. "And we have guests here to witness our matrimony!"

"Matri- have you gone insane!?" Kobayashi snaps "I'm not marrying you, you oaf!"

"Of course." Tohru nods to herself, "We don't have a priest. Don't worry! I'll be back in a few seconds."

"Wait a second!" Kobayashi calls to her, far to late to avoid her teleporting away. "That damn fool!" she hisses.

"Ara." Lucoa blinks in surprise "I don't even have any formal clothes on."

"You won't need formal clothes!" Kobayashi snaps "We aren't getting married."

I can't help but wonder "Has she gone to kidnap a priest?"

Everyone turns to me, Kobayashi's face begins paling in realisation "That idiot!"

"I'm back!" Tohru announces with a flash, then drags out the person she pulled with her "And I brought the closets priest I could find! Now we can-"

"Bastard!" My roar of anger cuts her off as I virtually fling myself at the man, he's still disorientated by the teleportation, so he doesn't have enough time to put up a guard before my reinforced fist smashes into his jaw.

Of course I underestimated him, considering his own fist finds its way into my gut. We're both blown away from eachother.

I stumble back, coughing while he rubs his bruised jaw.

"I'm surprised." The man speaks, his sickening voice bringing back memories "I had not thought to see you again so soon, Emiya Shirou." his hollow eyes lock onto mine, a dark smirk settling on his face "And you seem to be quite a bit more aggressive than last we met."

"Shut up." I hiss at him, splaying out my hands, preparing to trace my preferred swords "If I had never seen you again, it would have been to soon."

Kotomine Kirei's smile merely widens at my statement "A thought that is entirely unique to you. I myself am quite pleased to meet you again."

I've completely forgotten about everyone else, who are no doubt surprised that my first reaction to seeing a priest is punch him in the face.

AN: Laughs.

Yorokobe! Still, been few weeks since my last upload of this story. Not a month, although longer than usual. Oh well.