Chapter 23: Visitors from afar.
How did it come to this?
I had only just managed to avoid one major problem, then another one, quite literally, comes crashing through the wall.
I thought I could at least solve that one while I was on a role.
Turns out, my luck is still terrible.
"Is there a need for him to be like that?" Kobayashi asks with a raised eyebrow as she points at me, currently kneeling next to Elma who looks quite guilty.
"This is for my own benefit." Fafnir waves her off "I have waited too long for this moment, and I will not let the appearance of some order dragon flunky spoil it for me."
"Fl-Flunky!?" Elma lets out a rather loud cry next to my ear, causing me to wince "Now you listen here-"
"Ahem." Tiamat clears her throat while smiling sweetly at the dragon next to me. I thought that the Tohsaka smile was bad, she has somehow made it more ominous. "Such a loud child you are...did you forget where you are?"
Elma looks off to the side and mumbles "Quiet corner." under her breath, I'm still at a loss as to how that works, but I'm not going to question it right now. Right now I have bigger concerns.
"Now then, Emiya." Fafnir steps forwards, crouching down so he is at eye level with me, red orbs burning holes into my own with a disturbing curiosity akin to seeing a particularly interesting toy. "That sword, we both know what it was."
"What was up with that anyway?" Tohru asks, a frown on her face as she rests a single finger on her chin "It made me feel all weird inside when I saw it."
"Sa-…" Elma goes to corroborate Tohru's account before a glare from Tiamat shuts her up "Quiet corner." she mumbles again.
"It is only natural." Fafnir scoffs "It is the weapon used by the man who banished me from this world the first time I ventured here." he narrows his eyes at me "So then, why do you have it?"
"Eh?" Tohru blinks "Shirou-san has a magic sword?"
"Noble-" I wince, cringing to myself at the slip to correct her, which only serves to alight the flame of curiosity in Fafnir's eyes further.
"Noble what?" He goads me on. Damn, I could either lie, which I'm not very good at, or try and misdirect him. Problem is, he's got me. Honestly, what terrible fortune I have.
"Noble Phantasm." I grumble "Its Balmung, the sword of Siegfried the Dragon Slayer."
"I know what it is." Fafnir rolls his eyes and looks at me like I'm an idiot, and right now I probably am. "I want to know why you have it."
"I don't." His eyes burn brighter and I feel a sweat run down the back of my neck "Technically I don't!" I blurt out, and its not a lie. Its merely a fake, I don't own the real Balmung, or any weapon for that matter.
"Yes, it did seem weaker than I recall." Fafnir muses as he stands up, cupping his chin "Hmm...an illusion perhaps? No, it was far to real for that." he snaps his fingers "A copy then." he nods "You created a copy of the sword."
I cringe.
"And you made a copy of that strange shield which blocked Quetzalcoatls attack." He pauses "Despite it being a rather weak throw and using only a mere human ball, it was an impressive defence to withstand her strength." he narrows his eyes at me "Another 'Noble Phantasm' then?"
I slowly nod, I really can't see a way out of this.
"Curious...how many more do you have, I wonder?" His lip curls in a small smile "Ten, twenty, perhaps more?"
"Now, now." Tiamat chides him "Allow him some secrets." she turns her head back to Elma "You, however-"
"No way!" Tohru pouts "Shirou-san just got pretty interesting for a human mage! How many more swords does he have!" she stares at me with narrowed eyes "And how many of them are dragon slaying weapons?"
Ah...yes.
I can see how she would be concerned by that.
"Umm…" I let out a nervous chuckle as I scratch the back of my neck "Not...that many?"
She raises and eyebrow, now Kobayashi looks at me curiously, followed by Kanna.
"How many is 'Not many'?"
"...Five." I reply in a quiet voice, Tohru and Fafnir give me a flat look.
"I see." Fafnir scoffs, then leans towards me again, his eyes glowing "How many swords do you own in total."
"Unlimited." I blurt out, then blink looking up at him "Hypnosis!?"
"Unlimited." He repeats, cocking his head to the side and looking me up and down "And to answer your question, yes."
"That…" I cringe and look away from his slight glare, the clapping of hands brings our attention back to Tiamat.
"If we are quite done." She turns to look down at Elma "What do you think you are doing here anyway?"
"I...um…" Elma stutters, looking up at Tiamat with wide, somewhat fearful, eyes "I came to collect Tohru!"
"Collect?" Tiamat frowns "Why?"
"We aren't supposed to be in the human world!" She continues on "It goes...against the rules…" she taps the tips of her fingers together, looking away as Tiamat stares down at her, I've been there.
I don't envy her.
"Goes against the rules…" Tiamat raises an eyebrow at her, then crouches down to be at eye level with the girl, before patting her on the head, Elma blinks and stares at Tiamats smiling face "You really are the dutiful little girl, aren't you?"
"W-well...um…" She blushes, looking away "I...I try to be." she asserts "So...can I get Tohru now?"
"No."
"Ok-eh?" Elma blinks "Why though!?"
"Don't raise your voice." Tiamat chides her, gently knocking her on the head "And to answer your question, I've given permission for her to stay."
"But the rules-!"
"Are you going to order me away too?" Tiamat asks, rather pointedly. That seems to take the wind out of Elma's sails, the dragon girl flinched and looked away, coughing into her fist.
"W-well...I'm sure I'd need to speak with the high ranking order Dragons." She muttered "I-if...Tohru is...umm...under your watch it might be fine." she gave a small shrug, her face in a strained smile.
Tiamat enveloped her in a hug, patting her head "There, there. Your job is quite stressful isn't it?"
Elma remained frozen for a few minutes before she sniffed "Y-yeah…"
"This is pathetic to watch." Fafnir huffed, turning his attention back to me, opening his mouth to speak before Kobayashi beat him to it.
"As touching as this is…" She politely interrupted, although her fixed smile let me know just how annoyed she was right now "Is anyone going to fix the hole in my wall!?" she yelled, waving her arm at Elma's point of entry.
"Huh…" I blink, staring at it for a few moments "I forgot that was there." I'm surprised I did as well, its not exactly inconspicuous and there is a slight breeze coming through it.
"No problem!" Tohru beams "I can do it!" she waves her hand, the room returning to normal in an instant. "Aren't you glad I'm around Kobayashi-san!?"
"Isn't the reason she came busting through me wall the fact that you are currently here?" That causes Tohru to let out a nervous chuckle.
"It seems I shall get no more answers for now." Fafnir sighs, looking particularly annoyed, then he casts a glance at me "We shall speak again soon, Emiya."
Then he's just gone. No flash of light, no rushing wind. He just vanished into thin air.
How scary.
A sudden roar interrupts me, I look around and send questioning glances at Tohru and Kanna, the pair just stare at me blankly for a few moments and then shrug, slowly turning their heads towards Elma.
I follow suit…
And see her doing a wonderful impersonation of a stopped traffic light.
I sigh, standing up and giving Elma a small smile "I was just about to make Lunch, would you care to join us?"
"O-oh no!" Elma shoots to her feet, shaking her head "To impose upon the denizens of this world would be a serious breach in-" her growling stomach cuts her off again, she blushes even harder in embarrassment and looks away.
"Shirou is going to cook…" Kobayashi says in a low tone of voice, slowly standing up and turning to Tohru "How stocked is the kitchen?"
"Eh?" Tohru blinks at her, then widens her eyes in realisation "No! Kobayashi-san! Don't be tempted by his ways! He doesn't put the love into his food that I do! He doesn't even have a tail to cook!"
"That's a good thing you fool!" Kobayashi shouts back, then whirls on me "Shirou! Get in that kitchen and cook!"
"...Alright then." I shrug, sending Tohru a sympathetic look. Then again, if she was serious about putting her tail in the food again, I'm not going to be pleased in the least. I tried very, very hard to get her to break that little habit.
"Delicious!" Elma exclaims as she continues to shovel food into her mouth "What is this!? A blessing! Were you blessed by a God!? Are you a God of food in human food!?"
That is certainly the most...eccentric reaction to my cooking I've ever heard, all I can do is give her a nervous chuckle.
"I'm not a God, I just like cooking."
"No way!" Elma proclaims "Impossible! Which spirit blessed you!" she gasps "Is this a gift from the great mother?"
"No, he's self-taught." Tiamat replies, sending me a smile "I'm so proud."
"Amazing!" Elma virtually cries, now I'm getting a little worried. My food is good, but crying over it? Now I'm worried. "I have to stay here!"
"Don't you have to report to the Order faction?" Tohru smirked at her, I sense some tension between the two of them, especially considering the way Elma's wince only seems to amuse her further.
"A-ah...right." She coughs into her hand, then quickly finishes off the rest of her meal "I...um…" she scratches the back of her head "The magic to bring me here...I…" she looks away, Tohru raises and eyebrow at her before she smiles wider.
"You're stuck here aren't you?" She chuckles, holding her hand in front of her mouth "How shameless, for an Order dragon to become marooned in the human world with no way back, how embarrassing."
"I'm not stuck!" Elma counters, narrowing her eyes "I just happened to use up too much magical power getting here." she pouts "I'll be able to leave soon…" she trails off, staring longingly at the empty plate with a sniff "...Oh...I won't get anymore of this food."
"Ohya?" Tohru's grin is now painfully mocking "Is the great order dragon motivated by food like a common glutton?"
"N-no!"
I blink at something however "Wait, so you're stuck here too?"
"Yes…" Elma shrinks in her seat.
"With nowhere to stay?"
She shrinks further, I let out a sigh. I know what I'm about to do.
"If you need somewhere to stay until your magical energy is replenished, I have a spare room for you to-" Is as far as I get before Elma grabs my hands with stars in her eyes.
"Does this mean you'll make more food for me!?"
"What?" I blink at her "Well, I am the cook of the house so-"
"I'll move in!" Elma exclaims "Please! Let me move in!"
"O-okay." I back off slightly, although she has my hands in a vice like grip "You don't need to beg, I'm offering."
"Yes!" Elma cries with joy "Food!"
"I'm sorry Shirou-san." Tohru sends me a strained expression "You've acquired a glutton…"
"Again." I finish her sentence, still...she can't be that bad.
Right?"
AN: And we're back...Again.
Yikes, that took a while didn't it? Then again, I was working on other stories I guess. Still, we're back and that's all that matters!
Omake: Idolness.
My expression remains as blank as possible, at least I hope it does, after she stops singing.
"Well, little pig." She smirks at me, twirling her microphone spear in her hand before planting it in the ground "Is that not the greatest sound you have heard?"
"Its...unforgettable." I go with, I don't have the heart to tell her it was awful, mainly because she looks so pleased with the comment right now.
"Of course!" She nods her head "It is to be expected from an idol like me!" she snaps her fingers "Now then! Make me some food!"
Yes, I probably should have seen that coming, she always gets hungry whenever she does something strenuous. Then demands I make her something to eat. She claims I don't have what it takes to be her manager, but I can be her personal chef.
I don't know if I should be thankful I'm not her manager, or insulted that she doesn't really see me as managerial material. I think I'll ignore it for now.
There's a knock on the door, I blink and turn to it. Shrugging my shoulders and moving to open it up, as I do, I'm greeted by Tohru's cringing expression.
"Ah, Shirou-san...you're still alive." I don't know how to respond to that, my thoughts must have been pretty obvious because she continues on "We thought the screaming was you dying."
"Screaming?" Elizabeth pokes her head over my shoulder "What screaming? I didn't hear any screaming." she frowns, then pokes me in the side "More importantly, get back in the kitchen little pig."
"Yes, yes." I sigh, moving away from Tohru and towards the kitchen again.
"I'm sure the screaming was coming from here though." Tohru cups her chin in thought, Elizabeth looks aghast.
"Some uncultured peasant was screaming during my singing?"
"...You were singing?"
"I was."
"Just now?"
"Yes, so?"
"...You were the source of the screaming!?" Tohru recoils in shock "How can you be so terrible!?"
"T-terrible!?" Now Elizabeth is mad "You belly dragging frilled neck lizard! I was regaling my audience with my talent as an idol! An I-D-O-L!"
"Rega-You were torturing poor Shirou-san!?"
"Tor-You snake! I was granting him the honour of witnessing a private rendition of my latest song!"
"Is that a microphone!? Give me that! You're torturing Kobayashi-san too!"
"I am-Get off! Let go you rattlesnake!"
"Unhand you dragon banshee!"
Yes, this is going to work out wonderfully...