TW – alcohol abuse, suicidal thoughts/close-call

Claudia jerked awake. There was knocking.

Annoying as the noise was, it was the least of her concerns. She was panting, her skin was sticky. She knew she had woken up from a terrible dream. Rubbing her temples, she tried to remember what it was about, but to no avail.

There were few more knocks.

Realising these were probably real, she jumped to her feet but had to grab the wardrobe almost immediately because she was sick to her stomach.

"Fucking whiskey," she mumbled, as she slowly resumed walking towards the front door, more carefully this time.

Food, something greasy, that was what she needed. Now.

Claudia peeked through the door to see that the person on the other side was Remus. Slowly, she opened the door.

"What happened here?" Remus whispered as he looked around the flat.

"Aurors searched the place."

Remus passed Claudia a bag. "Here's a bacon sandwich."

She grabbed the bag out of his hand, ripped it apart and bit off a huge piece. "Aurors don't tend to tidy up after themselves," she added with her mouth full.

Remus sighed. "I'm so sorry, Claudia."

She swallowed and put a lid on her grief for a moment. Remus was here. Sure, he and Sirius had their differences lately, but he was bound to help. "I'm sorry too. And about Gideon… Sorry, I didn't-" she trailed off, unable to say she should have been there for him when Gideon died. They were going through the same thing after all.

"I know," Remus said with a nod and gave Claudia a brief pat on the shoulder.

Still eating her sandwich, Claudia dragged Remus inside and sat him down on the sofa. "What are we going to do?"

"What do you mean?"

Claudia threw the now empty sandwich wrapping away. "Is that coffee?" And seeing Remus nod, she picked up the cup he was holding in his hand. "About Sirius!" she finally managed to answer Remus' question after a few sips. "Crouch is not giving him a trial. We can't just leave it at that. Moody told me not to do anything stupid, but surely you could-" she stopped abruptly, noticing Remus was staring at his shoes. "Remus?" she whispered.

But he did not respond, just shifted uncomfortably under her gaze.

Claudia understood… "You think he did it, don't you?" she hissed.

Remus remained silent, but that in itself spoke volumes.

Claudia jumped to her feet. "You cannot be serious!" she exclaimed. "Sirius? Supporting Voldemort? Betraying James to him?" Some of the coffee flew out of the cup as she flailed her arms around in anger. It landed on the carpet, but she could not care less.

"I didn't want to believe it either." Remus said quietly, still avoiding Claudia's eye. "But there is no other explanation. It had to be him."

"Get out," she growled.

"Claudia, please listen to me." Remus finally managed to look at her. "We all knew for months that there was a mole. Sirius was acting really erratically. And he was James' secret-keeper."

"He thought you were the mole," Claudia scoffed. "Besides, why would he do it? He loved James. You can't deny that!"

"Do you really need me to say it?" Remus whispered.

But Claudia had no response. Maybe it was the grief, or the hangover, but she had no idea what he was on about.

Remus took a deep breath. "He would do anything to save you. Anything…"

It took Claudia a while to understand what Remus meant. But when she did-

"Don't you dare put that on me!" she yelled. "He would never!"

"Of course, he would!" Remus jumped to his feet too. "There is no limit to what he would do to protect you."

"GET OUT!" Claudia yelled and pushed Remus toward the door.

He did not resist and let her nudge him closer and closer towards the exit. "Please," he said with a sigh. "Don't let your love for him blind you. You know as well as anyone what he's capable of."

Claudia had had enough. She opened the door, gave Remus one more push and slammed to door in his face.

"Claudia, please!" she could just about hear his muffled voice.

"GO AWAY!" she screamed and threw the coffee against the door.

"I'm here if you want to talk…"

But Claudia did not want to talk. She crumbled to the floor and pulled her jumper over her head. She pressed her hands against her ears as hard as she could. Anything to drown out Remus' voice. Anything to make him go away.

Eventually, she summoned enough courage to peel her hands away from her ears to hear nothing but silence. Remus seemed to have gone.

The temporary reprieve the bacon sandwich provided Claudia was gone. Her head was hurting, and her body shivered with every gust of draught coming through underneath the door. She pointed her wand towards the fireplace, and then crawled to sit closer to the flames. They were comforting, and it was much closer to the drinks shelf.

As she was leaning to check what more they had on there, she noticed a broken picture frame half-hidden underneath the armchair. It was a picture of her and Sirius, taken at James' and Lily's wedding.

Staring at the picture, she took a rather large sip of the liquor she found. She did not really care what it was. It was no whiskey, but it would do.

She could not take her eyes of Sirius' face. His twinkling eyes, his smile, the way he held her so close. Everyone had a theory about why Sirius did what he did. Crouch thought he was a Death Eater, a committed one even. Moody thought he lost his mind with grief. That Claudia could at least comprehend. And then, there was Remus.

The most ridiculous theory of them all. She brought the bottle to her lips and drank until the burning in her throat became unbearable.

Claudia dropped her head back against the wall. Why would Remus even tell her such vicious lies? Was he still jealous? Was he sent here by the Ministry to break her resolve? To turn against Sirius?

Before she knew it, it was dark, the liquor bottle was empty, and Claudia's stomach was grumbling. She rose to her feet, and shuffled into the kitchen, bumping into the table along the way.

Opening one cupboard after another, she searched for something, anything to eat.

Beans!

When she tried taking them off the hob, searing pain hit her out of nowhere.

She brough her hand close to her face. It was red.

Her wand. That was what she needed. But it was nowhere to be found.

So, she had few more sips of some other liquor instead… To help with the pain.

When Claudia woke up, it was bright again. She was in bed, somehow. But the only thing her brain could focus on was the pain in her hand. She examined it closely and thought she had probably burnt it. Luckily, her wand was right in her hand – almost as if she slept holding it – and a simple healing charm sorted it in no time.

With some effort, Claudia wade through the piles of stuff left on the floor by the aurors into the kitchen. She frowned when she saw the state of it.

Why were beans splattered everywhere? She looked at the tin, lying on the floor next to the hob, then her hand. A vague recollection of a failed attempt to cook them emerged through the fog in her head.

"Evanesco!"

With that, the beans were gone. Claudia found another tin and managed to heat it up without incident. As she sat on the sofa, eating her warm beans from the tin, she looked around the flat.

"What a mess," she sighed. But had no energy whatsoever to sort this. Even imagining picking these things up brought tears into her eyes. Everything in here reminded her of Sirius – the ice-cold tattoo was bad enough. She did not need to touch all his clothes, his books, his things.

She finished her beans, got up, and shuffled into the shower. If she wanted any hope of helping Sirius, she had to get out of there. Had to go see the one person who made her feel her life was still normal. The one person who was on her side. The one person who actually sounded like she wanted Sirius out of Azkaban.

Showered, and strengthened by the beans, Claudia made her way downstairs. But before she even got out of the door of the house, she found herself being challenged by the guards.

"Where do you think you're going?" the older guard asked sternly.

"To see a friend."

"I don't think so."

"Try to stop me," Claudia scoffed. "No one said anything about being stuck at home, just that you two idiots need to come with me."

"We are not your servants."

"It's a disgrace the Ministry let you go," the other guard pitched in.

Claudia shrugged. "Suit yourselves. I'm apparating here-" she gave them a piece of paper with Alice's address – "you can either apparate with me, or wait here."

"That's too far to apparate," the older man took the lead again.

"It's not." That was a lie. The one time Claudia tried, she got splinched. She just did not want to go to the Leaky Cauldron. Who cared if she got splinched again. Who cared if her whole arm got torn off.

The guards looked at each other. "We'll stay here. But if you aren't back in an hour…"

"Fine."

She left Gower Mews to muffled remarks of both of them.

"Stuck-up bitch."

"Deserves a good spanking if you ask me."

Their laughter turned Claudia's stomach. But she chose not to rise to it. She gripped her wand, fixated her mind on Alice's house and was gone.

To her surprise, her arm was intact when she landed on her feet. Must be the new wand, she thought and smiled to herself. They were finally getting along.

But not even a visit to Alice's house gave Claudia what she really wanted – seeing a friendly face, as it was Frank's mother who opened the door.

"What do you want?" Mrs Longbottom barked.

"I came to see Alice,"

"They've gone out," Mrs Longbottom said curtly and tried to shut the door.

But Claudia was faster and stuck her foot in the door. "When do you expect them back?"

"They should've been back by now."

Claudia supressed an eye roll. This woman never liked her, and now she did not even have to pretend. "Are you going to tell them I was here?"

Before Mrs Longbottom had a chance to respond, little Neville run out of the living room. "Clo, Clo!" he exclaimed as he wobbled towards the door. But Mrs Longbottom grabbed him, whispered something into his ear and unceremoniously shut the door in Claudia's face.

But before the door quite closed, Claudia caught a sight of a Daily Prophet on the hall table. Despite the hangover, she was sure it was her own face on the front page of it, staring back at her. She became nauseous at the mere thought of what they were writing about her and swore never to come to the garage where a pile of the Daily Prophets must have accumulated by now. She would not give Rita Skeeter the satisfaction.

Claudia did not apparate all the way home, but to a nearby square, well protected from outside view by bushes. Her hunger caught up with her again and she desperately craved some chips on the way home. From the chippy, she strolled home slowly, shoving one chip after another into her mouth.

That was until she stopped by the news agent. Every newspaper had the same front page - a mosaic of human faces.

"VICTIMS NAMED!"

"WILL THEY SEE JUSTICE?"

"GAS LEAK OR SOMETHING MORE SINISTER?"

She leaned closer to the papers and read.

"On the morning of 1 November, a tragedy struck in central London. Twelve people had died in an explosion that left a crater the size of three London buses in the street. The spokesman for the Metropolitan Police said the explosion was caused by a gas leak, but this has raised many eyebrows. Some are even suggestion supernatural causes-"

That was the moment it all clicked for Claudia…

These were the people that died that morning.

If the Ministry was to be believed, by Sirius' hand.

Struggling for breath, Claudia swallowed dry. Her eyes were fixated on the papers. She could not look away.

There were kids. Adults. Families.

If Sirius was really responsible. Accidently or otherwise. Tears started to roll down Claudia's cheeks, and she dropped her half-eaten bag of chips to the floor before taking two steps away from the window…

"Oi! No littering!" someone yelled.

Claudia peeled her eyes away from the newsstand and ran home, as fast as her shaky legs carried her.

She pushed past the guards, trying to ignore their taunting.

"What she's got to cry about?" the old one sniggered.

The moment she was through the door of the flat, she dropped to the floor. Her legs were shaking with exhaustion, and her shoulders with sobs. These were real people that died! Even if Sirius didn't mean to do it…

She crawled towards the drinks shelf, found another bottle, and a pack of cigarettes too. She would do anything to shut off her brain right now. Anything…

Somehow, it was dark again. But Claudia could not be bothered to turn on neither the lights nor the fire. So, she sat in the dark, only with the glow of the cigarette for company.

At some point – she had no clue when – she heard someone coming up the stairs. And then a knock, and another.

"Fuck off, Remus!" she yelled at the top of her lungs.

"It's Ewan," came a muffled voice back.

With a sigh, Claudia stood up and slowly walked towards the door. She got much better at judging distances between the different pieces of furniture, so managed to avoid bumping into things.

"Hey," she said meekly as she opened the door.

Ewan wiped the rain drops off his coat. "Nice guards you have there."

"Tell me about it."

"Have they tried-" Ewan whispered tentatively.

"Tried what?"

"Anything. You know. Bothered you."

"No." Claudia shook her head. "Just a pair of mouthy bastards."

"Don't let them up here, alright?" Ewan said and brushed Claudia's shoulder.

She took a deep breath. "Is that why you came? To warn me?"

Ewan shook his head. "Unfortunately, no. Came to ask you something. Have you-"

"Great," she said and slumped into the sofa. "More questions…"

"This is not about Sirius. This is about-" he took a deep breath. His hesitation was beginning to freak Claudia out. "Have you seen the Longbottoms?"

"No, I went to their house earlier, but they were not there." But then, something clicked in Claudia's brain. Why was Ewan asking her this? "What happened?" she whispered.

"We think they're missing."

"Missing?" Claudia's voice shook, as she said that. Not Alice too… That could not be. "But the war is over…"

"So, they keep saying," Ewan said with a sigh.

"I need to go look for them," Claudia said and jumped to her feet. If it was not for Ewan's reflexes, she would have toppled over.

"You need to stay here. We have people looking," he said as he helped her back to the sofa. Claudia dropped her head back and began to tear up. "Claudia," Ewan continued. "How much have you been drinking?"

"Not enough."

"Let me make you some dinner," Ewan said. "You lie down for a bit. Or take a shower."

"I'm fine."

"Please. It will make you feel better."

"I don't want to feel better."

Ewan attempted a smile. "It will make me feel better?"

"Alright," Claudia mumbled and dragged herself into the bathroom. She had to sit down in the tub to make sure she did not break her ankle, but eventually, emerged clean and joined Ewan in the kitchen.

"You even tidied up a bit," she said.

"And dug out some sleeping draught." He paused, as if he was weighting his words. "Promise me you won't drink anymore. Dinner, sleeping draught, bed."

"Yes, boss," she said sarcastically but inevitably complied. When she was tucked in under her duvet, Ewan sat down on the edge.

"I have something to tell you. Crouch is sending me to America as a liaison officer."

Claudia groaned. But before she had a chance to say anything-

"Don't have a choice about this," Ewan defended himself. "Few months he said."

"Fine. Abandon me. Like everyone else."

"Claudia, he'll fire me if I don't go. And besides, I'm not going for a few days."

"It's fine," she mumbled and turned away. "Go home."

But Ewan did not move. Claudia could feel his presence. But the sleeping draught was taking its hold, and she did not have the strength to tell him to go away for real.

When Claudia woke up in the morning, however, he was gone. Refreshed by her potion-induced deep sleep, and some dinner leftovers, Claudia paced around the flat, trying to hatch a plan to go help find Alice.

But what could she really do? She could not go and show her face at the Ministry. They would probably arrest her. And even if they did not, Moody would skin her alive for taking that risk.

Maybe she could go and ask around Diagon Alley? No. Everyone would just stare and whisper. And even if she could handle that, which she knew deep down that she could not, no one would tell her anything anyway. They all read the Daily Prophet… And she could just imagine what they thought.

Out of ideas, Claudia kicked a pile of stuff on the bedroom floor in frustration, and out of it flew her two-way notebook. Slowly, she reached for it, as if it was her greatest treasure, and flicked through the messages.

Some made her cry; some made her smile. But all of them made her miss him. He was always the person she could go and talk to. No matter how stupid her anxiety was, or how mad was her plan, Sirius would always be there. Never judging.

Out of sheer desperation, Claudia grabbed a quill and found a fresh page.

'I know you can't read this, but I have no one else to talk to. Alice is missing, and there is nothing I can do. She was the only one who believed me.

I can't keep bothering Moody. He risked enough for me.

And for the rest of them, I hate them all.

Crouch and his politics… Whatever you did or did not do, you deserve a trial.

I hate Remus and his jealous bitter lies. Do you know what he said? He said you sold James to Voldemort to protect me. But I know you would never do that. You couldn't have.

And Oscar and his bloody pride…

And Dumbledore-'

Claudia raised her head from the page. Dumbledore! How did she not think of him before? She needed to go see Dumbledore. And she needed to go see him now.

Before she knew it, Claudia was past her guards, and standing in front of the Leaky Cauldron. It was her only option, even with her new wand, apparating all the way to Hogsmeade was well out of her reach. But she hated the thought of going in, having everyone's eyes follow her around.

Just when she nearly turned back, her tattoo sent a shiver down her spine. If Sirius could endure Azkaban, she could endure walking through a pub. Pulling her hood over her face, Claudia took one more deep breath and opened the door.

Mercifully, the pub was far too busy for anyone to notice her, so she scuttered towards the fireplace and within seconds found herself in the Three Broomsticks, which was packed to its rims with Hogwarts students.

It must have been the weekend, Claudia thought as she passed Madame Rosmerta's bar. It was tempting to get a shot of whiskey or two to keep her warm on the way to the castle, but actually walking up to the bar and ordering something was a step too far for Claudia's levels of courage. Instead, she pulled her cloak even closer to her body and set off to the castle. The Hogsmeade high street was even more packed than the Three Broomsticks and the air was filled with excitement. Many more parents than usual made it up to Scotland for the occasion. After all, this was likely the first time they all saw their children since Voldemort's fall.

Claudia did her best to ignore them, and not get too upset by everyone else's happiness. She must have done the walk a hundred times, and never before did it make her feel out of breath to the point she had to sit down repeatedly. After a particularly steep passage, she had to reach for a tree to steady her legs. But even that was not enough. Her legs gave in, and Claudia dropped to the cold ground.

Looking around, she remembered walking with Sirius just through this spot. Before anything happened between them. When they were both still in denial about their feelings. She wiped her tears and forced herself to continue. She had to be strong for him. No one else was going to lift a finger to get him out.

When she finally made it to the castle, she found her path blocked by Argus Filch.

"This is no place for Death Eaters!" he growled. "Get out!"

Claudia dug her fingernails into her palms. Hexing him would not help her cause. "I just-"

"Argus!" Another voice interrupted Claudia's response. A stern voice that she instantly recognised as the one belonging to Professor McGonagall. "Let Miss Avery through." Filch grudgingly obliged.

"I came to see the Headmaster," Claudia mumbled in McGonagall's direction, unclenching her fists.

"Come with me, dear," Professor McGonagall said and led Claudia inside the castle.

The first thing Claudia's eyes landed on was the door to the Great Hall, and every single memory she had had from that place flooded her brain – every meal she ever had there with Sirius, the ball during which they failed to keep the lid on their desires, the confrontation with Leanne… She drew in a loud sob and desperately tried to disguise it as a sneeze.

"Everything alright?" Professor McGonagall asked.

"I'm fine."

But she was far from fine. Every door in that castle had a story. Every one of them reminded her of Sirius in some way.

When the Muggle Studies classroom became the one place they could safely talk.

"Terrible news about the Potters," the Professor said.

"Yeah," Claudia mumbled but her head was elsewhere. She spotted the cupboard where they argued when Sirius found out it was Marcus who was responsible for the Hogsmeade murder. An argument that led to them reconciling and in a way, led to them realising they were meant to be together.

"And are you holding up alright?"

There was no disguising the sobs now. "I need the bathroom," Claudia uttered hurriedly and ran to the nearest one. Her whole body was shaking so hard, she had to lean over the sink to steady herself. How could she not have realised being back at Hogwarts was going to be a thousand times harder than going to the Leaky Cauldron?

But she was so close. She had to make it.

With her hand still unsteady, she opened the tap and splashed some cold water on her face. Her mouth was dry, so she drank some too.

"You can do this," she whispered into the mirror.

When she met up with McGonagall outside of the bathroom, the Professor seemingly knew better than to ask any more questions and they walked the rest of the way to the Headmaster's office in silence.

"Butterscotch," McGonagall said and the entrance to Dumbledore's study opened.

"Miss Avery," Dumbledore stood up from behind his desk when they made it up the circular stairs. "Can I offer you something?"

But it was Professor McGonagall, who answered first. "I will ask the kitchen to send up some tea and sandwiches."

"Good idea, Minerva," Dumbledore said quietly, before turning to Claudia and pointing towards a chair on the opposite side of the table from where he was sitting. "What can I do for you?"

Claudia grabbed the sides of her chair to steady her hands and took a deep breath. "Moody mentioned you performed the Fidelius Charm for the Potters. Is it possible it failed?"

"I've performed that spell many times before, with great success." Dumbledore took a slight pause. "I know that's not what you want to hear."

"Is there any way it wasn't him?" she sighed, trying desperately to keep her voice steady. "That the spell made someone else a secret-keeper? Rebounded or something?"

Dumbledore shook his head. "Let me tell you exactly what happened," he whispered and pushed his glasses close to his face. But then he glanced over Claudia's shoulder. "Ah! The sandwiches are here." He waved the house elf over. "Have some, Miss Avery, have some."

"I'm really not that hungry."

"I insist," Dumbledore said and took the plate out of the house elf's hands. "Tuna and cucumber, or cheese and pickle. Your choice."

Claudia sighed. He was not going to shut up about the food until she had something, so she took a couple of bites of the tuna sandwich. "You were going to tell me exactly what happened," she said once she swallowed. She did not have time or patience for Dumbledore's games.

Dumbledore was holding a tea pot in his hand and looked like he was about to offer her some of its content. But the look on Claudia's face must have convinced him otherwise, so he let go off the pot and began talking. "I was called to the Potters' house, must have been a few weeks before- before it all happened. Sirius was there too. He asked me about the Fidelius Charm, we talked it through, and agreed that I would come back in a couple of weeks to perform it with Sirius as secret-keeper. He just needed a few things to sort out."

Right, Claudia thought, suddenly filled with bitterness. He needed to find a neat way to run off… Bus she said nothing, so Dumbledore continued.

"I came back on the appointed day and set to work. Sirius and I were standing right in the middle of the sitting room, while James and Lily watched. Peter was there too. He helped me finalise the potion that we used to perform the spell."

"Peter was helping you?" Claudia jumped in, finally feeling like she had something to go on. "So, you cannot be absolutely sure it all went according to plan..."

"He was very assured, young Peter was. That is, once he borrowed Sirius' wand, as his own was acting up. It was Sirius who seemed rather more nervous on the occasion. Not that I thought anything of it-" Dumbledore paused. "At the time…"

"Are you absolutely sure Peter didn't mess it up?" Claudia said through gritted teeth. She could not believe how easily Dumbledore accepted that Sirius was Voldemort's spy, rather than looking into the obvious option that Peter had fucked up! How could he be so sure? After everything Sirius had done for the Order?

"Peter performed his part admirably, Miss Avery," Dumbledore said. Claudia knew his voice well enough to recognise a hint of reprimand in his tone. "I know he never got much credit for anything, but he is – or was rather – a lot more capable than you give him credit for."

That was the last straw.

"I don't give a shit whether you think Peter deserves more credit!" she barked. "Couldn't care less in fact. What I want to know is how you could think Sirius would ever betray James and Lily to the Death Eaters! It just couldn't have been him. He despised them!"

"People do the most awful things for love."

Claudia stood up. "I see you've been talking to Remus," she barked.

"I am talking from experience," Dumbledore continued in his usual soothing tone. "I had a friend when I was young. He too was capable of great love, but ultimately-"

"I don't care," she interrupted. "I cannot believe you'd think he did it. And what about a trial? Don't you think he deserves one?"

"Alastor came to see me about this already. But Barty Crouch has made up his mind. There is nothing I can do."

She scoffed. "There is nothing you will do." She turned on her heel and run out of Dumbledore's office as if it was on fire. By the end of the corridor, she was out of breath and had to slow down, lean on a wall even, before she was able to continue.

As she walked back down to the village, against the stream of jubilant students, she kept shaking her head. Why would Dumbledore say things like that? Why would anyone? Why could not one of them say that Sirius was innocent? Or show any interest in what she thought?

Once in Hogsmeade, she barged into the Hog's Head Inn. No way she was going to face the trip back to the Leaky Cauldron sober.

"A double whiskey!" she barked at the barkeep, as she leaned over the counter. "Pompous old fool. Thinks he's smarter than everyone," she mumbled to herself before raising her eyes and addressing the barkeep again. "You know what, make it two!"

"Been to see the Headmaster?" he replied, rather knowingly.

"Yes," she sighed. "Why do you ask?"

But he did not respond. He slid the two whiskeys across the bar and smiled bitterly. "It's on the house."

Slowly, Claudia peeled her eyes open. There was the familiar window, the bed. She rolled over. She was definitely at home, but without any recollection of getting back from Hogsmeade. For a few moments, she lay in bed, playing with the necklace she got from Sirius, trying and failing to ignore just how cold her arm was.

The goddess of justice. It was laughable. What kind of justice was this? All she ever wanted to be was an auror-

Claudia sat up bold upright.

She was an auror.

She needed to start thinking like one.

Once she managed to crawl out of bed and find some coffee in the kitchen, she set to work. Every piece of information she had about what happened, she wrote on a small piece of parchment and stuck it on the wardrobe. That way, she could see it all in one place. All the different theories lined up next to each other.

Sirius being a committed Death Eater? Bollocks.

Was he set up? Maybe.

Did Peter fuck up? Would Sirius try to get him if he did? Probably.

Could Remus have been right? No! Never.

But she could not get that thought out of her head. So, instead of finishing her map, she drank some more from the bottle standing on her bedside table, grabbed her coat and run out of the flat. She needed to look for Alice! Yes, that was the right thing to do. Not sit at home and give credit to Remus' ridiculous theory.

The guards were becoming more blasé about where she went by the day. Which Claudia would have welcomed if she actually knew where she wanted to go.

She tried Alice's house again, but Mrs Longbottom threw her out even faster than last time. So, she spent the rest of the afternoon wondering around muggle London, collecting the courage to come to the Ministry and ask about Alice. But she never even made it within five hundred yards of that place. Instead, she stopped in a few muggle pubs for a drink, hoping it might give her the necessary courage.

But it did not. She woke up in her bed again, with her head in tatters. Her headache was being made worse by a couple of owls tapping on the kitchen window. With some difficulty, Claudia went to get her messages.

'James' and Lily's funeral is at 12 noon on 11 November in Godric's Hollow. You should come. Remus.'

Before Claudia could even register the meaning of that message, she was already reading the other one. It was from Ewan.

'We found Frank and Alice. They're in St Mungo's-'

She did not need to read the rest of the message, she needed to get there. Claudia grabbed her wand and her coat and found herself standing in St Mungo's reception within the minute.

"Alice and Frank Longbottom?" she barked at the receptionist.

"Fourth floor," the receptionist replied after looking at her notes for a few seconds. "Only family are allowed to visit!" she yelled after Claudia, who was at that point half-way up the first flight of stairs.

She skidded to a halt in front an open door, expecting the worst. But there was Alice, sitting on a bed, her brown hair shining in the morning light.

"Alice!" Claudia exclaimed. "I'm so happy you're fine," she added as she run across the room to grab her best friend in her arms. It was only after Claudia gave Alice a hug, that she noticed that Alice was completely rigid. Claudia's first thought was that Alice changed her mind. That she did not believe Claudia anymore. That she did not want to be her friend.

Supressing her own insecurities, Claudia released Alice from the hug and sat down next to her on the edge of the bed. "How are you feeling? Are you alright?" she whispered.

Alice was staring right into Claudia's eyes, blinking

Claudia could feel her eyes welling up. "Can you hear me?" she uttered.

But Alice's expression did not change. There was nothing behind those eyes. Increasingly desperate, Claudia looked around. Frank was sleeping on the bed next to his wife, looking peaceful. She turned back to Alice. "What have they done to you?" she whispered, her voice shaking.

Claudia barely registered that someone in a lime green coat came to the room, grabbed her arm, and led her to the corridor. She did not manage to take her eyes of Alice for even a second.

"Who are you?" the healer asked.

"Her best friend," Claudia replied, still looking at Alice. "And her son's godmother."

"I'm sorry," the healer replied in a solemn tone. "Someone should've warned you before you came in. They're as good as dead..."

Dead? What was he talking about? Alice was breathing, sitting even. Claudia turned to the healer. "What are you saying?"

"They have been tortured, extensively. Physically, they are alive, but their souls – in a way – their souls are gone."

"There must be something you can do!"

"I'm afraid not. We've seen cases like this before. We were never able to recover the soul. The only difference here is that, somehow, their bodies survived it."

"But surely-"

"There is nothing we can do." The healer looked over Claudia's shoulder. "I'm sorry, truly. But I have to go. Delegation from the Ministry is coming up and they will want an explanation. Oh, shit!" he exclaimed, as voices became audible from around the corner. "That's Crouch himself."

Crouch? He could not see her here. Claudia took one more look at Alice, who was still motionless, run out of the hospital and apparated home.

Once back inside her flat, huddled in front of the fireplace, it finally sunk in. She lost Alice too. Her best friend, the person who she could always rely on to tell the truth. She too was taken away from her. Everyone was gone-

A wave of nausea hit Claudia out of nowhere, and then another. She just about made it to the bathroom. There was not much in her stomach, but her time on the bathroom floor – hugging the toilet – still felt like eternity.

Alice was never coming back.

James and Lily were being buried in a few days.

There was just one person who still had a chance. The one person who could still come back. Claudia crawled towards the wardrobe and pick up a clean piece of parchment. Maybe if she could just write it all down for Crouch… Maybe he would listen.

Fuelled by a half-eaten packet of crisps, and some indescribably sweet liqueur (she really was running out of the drinkable stuff), she began to write.

'To Bartemius Crouch, Head of the Department of Magical Law Enforcement:

I am writing to you to set out inconsistencies in the Ministry's case against Sirius Black, and to plead with you to reconsider your decision to grant him a trial in front of the Wizengamot.'

Claudia woke up with the first light, laying sprawled on the sofa. Where was her letter? Did she get far? Her tired eyes landed on the floor and two rolls of parchment in tight handwriting. She did manage it.

With the faintest of smiles, she slid down to the floor, lit the fire to feel some warmth and began to read.

She just about remembered the introduction, but from then on, it felt like reading a letter from someone else.

'First of all, I have doubts about how the Fidelius Charm was performed. I do not wish to doubt [D-u-m-b-l-e-d-o-r-e-s] Headmaster Dumbledore's competence, but it has come to my attention he was not the only one who performed the spell.

Peter Pettigrew assisted in the preparation of the portion. As someone who witnessed Peter's performance in potions classes, let me tell you. The outcome is far from certain when he's anywhere near a cauldron.

[I-n-o-t-h-e-r-w-o-r-d-s,-h-e-'s-a-c-l-u-t-z...]

Anything could have happened with that potion, meaning the whole spell would have been compromised.

Second, there were so many people after Sirius – his family, my family. Someone could have easily set him up.

Lastly Sirius is simply not a Death Eater.

He despised the [id-e-a-i-d-e-a-l] ideology ever since he was a child. He run away from home to get away from it.

He risked his life numerous times in this war, including to advance the cause of the Ministry. He did the Ministry's dirty work while working for the Order. He protected Bagnold under cover during the election.

He had no reason to betray the Potters.

Some arseholes might tell you he did it to protect me. But it's absolute bollocks. Yes, he was protective of me. Yes, he wanted me to survive this, but not at any cost... Not at this cost!

I'm sure of that.

I don't know why he met with my father. Could be anything. Some mad plan he did not tell me about. He knew how much I hate him. He knew I would ever agree to it.

Would father ask him to sacrifice James and Lily on a promise my life will be spared? Yes.

Would Sirius agree?

Never!

He was used to me being in danger. He nearly lost me few times before. It did things to him. He lost his head. When Regulus, and then in the cellar... Would he lose his head if father offered him my life in exchange for the Potters?

[M-a-y-b-e].

[I-d-o-n-t-k-n-o-w].

[Y-e-s-!]

NO! YOU NEED TO BELIEVE ME!

That's why you need to give him the fucking trial, you useless piece of shit! I need to know what happened. I need to talk to him! I cannot live with this hanging over my head.

Don't you remember what I know? I know you tried to make me lie on the stand. I know you refused to give Moody permission to investigate my father, letting him to run around the Ministry for months longer than you needed to.

You have no idea what I'm capable of.'

Tears began to fall down Claudia's face. Slowly, she tore the letter in half. Then quarters, then eights… She continued until it was nothing but a pile of tiny pieces of parchment. If anyone from the Ministry ever read this, Sirius would never come out of Azkaban… She may have as well written he did it.

She reached for a bottle. She could not do it anymore. Her thoughts had to be stopped.

When Claudia woke up, she was still on the floor by the fireplace.

"How long did I sleep for?" she wondered and looked at her watch.

She blinked, and then again. The watch must have been broken. It was showing thirteenth of November. That was three days from now!

But the clock on the wall was telling the same story. Was it possible she slept for that long, missing James' and Lily's funeral? Or did she go and blacked it out? She had no idea. No matter how much she tried to remember.

She lifted herself to her feet, noticing she was wearing different clothes than last time. So, she could not have slept for that long. She must have just forgotten. Shuffling slowly around the flat, she tried to remember something, anything…

The fridge was fully stocked. She grabbed a sandwich, which she ate as she continued to look around.

What was it in the fire? She crouched in front of it and pulled out a charred piece of fabric, which she examined between her fingers. It was rich, smooth and white. She did not have anything that felt like that. But then-

She remembered her wedding dress…

She pulled it out to assess the damage, when something rolled to her feet with a little thud.

A ring.

A huge square sapphire ring set in white gold and surrounded by little diamonds.

Claudia had never seen it before. She lifted it close to her face, wipe the soot off with her little finger and read the inscription.

'Whatever happens, remember I love you.'

And just like that, she remembered. She remembered being on the bedroom floor.

Ring firmly in her palm, she run over there as fast as she could. Sirius' best suit was laying on the floor, atop it a little box. Also in the box was a small fragment of the artefact they found in fourth year and a note from the jeweller. 'I made it as big as I could. Hope your fiancée likes it.'

Claudia burst into tears. It was that engagement ring Sirius had promised her! And he got it made from Slytherin's artefact.

She looked at the ring. He could not have thought of anything better. Slowly, she slid it on her finger.

Today was thirteenth of November. So, yesterday must have been the twelfth. The day they could've gotten married.

"That would explain the burnt dress," she whispered to herself before hastily taking the ring off again.

She stared at the inscription.

'Whatever happens, remember I love you.'

It was practically an admission of guilt. But he could not have possibly done it to save her, could he?

Her slow and heavy mind began to wonder. Thinking back... To the rage Sirius felt when Marcus attacked her. The rage when he found out about Regulus. The complete insanity that possessed him every time Claudia was in danger.

Remus' words were ringing in her ears. "He would do anything to protect you."

And then Sirius', from when they fought about going into hiding. "All I want is for you to live. I don't give a shit about anything else anymore."

And then, there were the things she herself wrote in that letter.

She jumped to her feet, grabbed her jacket and – still clutching her engagement ring in her palm – run out of the flat, not bothering to take her wand or her keys.

She just had to get out of there. Away from it all.

For a while, she just walked wherever her legs carried her. But then, she found herself on the route towards the Ministry. Maybe she could convince Moody, Crouch… The Minister! Someone had to listen to her. She had good points in the letter, even if the execution left a lot to be desired!

As she was waiting for a green light, Claudia caught a glimpse of herself in the shop window – her greasy, unbrushed hair; pale skin; dead eyes; the stained t-shirt that was inside out.

No one was going to listen to her looking like this. There was no point even trying.

But she could not turn back. Her eyes were fixated on the road, the traffic, while she played with the ring in her pocket.

No one was going to listen to her ever again. She would never see Sirius. What was the point in any of this? What was the point in trying to keep going?

She stopped playing with the ring and slid it on her finger. That's where it belonged.

Whatever Sirius did, whyever he did it, she loved him too.

There was nothing that could make her stop loving him.

Nothing!

He was what filled her heart. And without him, there was just nothing, darkness.

Fixated on the traffic light, she took a few steps towards the road just as the traffic began to run again. There was a big car. So close. Just one step and everything would be over. But Claudia could not move, her body refused. A truck was now hurling towards her.

She closed her eyes. All it would take would be one step.

"Claude!" She heard someone shout behind her.

Her heart expanded in her chest. It could not have been. And yet- Who else called her that?

Trembling, she turned away from the road, expecting to see him. To throw her arms around him.

But instead, she found herself staring into Ted Tonks' face.

Claudia's heart shattered into million pieces all over again and she turned towards to road. She was determined to do it this time. But the truck was gone, the traffic has stopped again, and the green pedestrian light came on.

Amidst the sea of pedestrians that swallowed her, she felt Ted's grip on her arm. "Come with me," he whispered.

Claudia had no energy to resist. She let him drag her into a side road and apparate them both.

The next thing she knew, she was on her knees in Ted's and Andromeda's flowerbed, throwing up.