Well, here we go. Time to see what happens after Matt's secret got out.
But real quick, I just want to say thank you for all the love on the last chapter. You guys are seriously amazing and make it so fun for me to continue writing. Thank you thank you thank you.
I hope you enjoy this one. Happy reading!
THIRTEEN
"Casey, open up man."
Matt rested on the couch, ignoring the incessant knocking on his door from Severide. He had been outside for almost ten minutes, and Casey wasn't sure how much longer he'd stick around, but he hoped it wouldn't be long.
Downing another sip of beer, Matt stared blankly ahead in his living room, tuning out the sounds of Kelly outside his door.
He had no idea what time it was, but if he were to guess he'd maybe say around noon, but he wasn't sure, and he didn't really care.
From the moment he stormed out of the bar last night, he hadn't been able to focus on anything. The fresh start he'd made for himself had been ruined, his life at 51 would never be the same after last night. No one would trust him, no one would believe him. He'd dealt with this before, he'd tried to overcome his past coming back to bite him in the ass before, and it never worked. No one ever looked at him the same after hearing the rumors about him, and there was no reason 51 would be any different.
"Matt, I know you're in there." Kelly's voice broke through his thoughts, Matt shaking his head as he finished off his beer, placing it next to the multiple other empty bottles littering his coffee table. "Look, I don't know what happened, but I'd like to hear it from you. Whatever went down, Walker shouldn't have done that."
Casey swallowed thickly, turning his head towards the front door in his beer-induced haze, leaning himself forward to rest his elbows on his knees.
He wasn't sure why Kelly was giving him the benefit of the doubt, why he hadn't just taken what Walker said and ran with it. But he knew it wouldn't last. Kelly's opinion of him would be forever changed, and he couldn't blame him. If he heard about some other guy what people said about him, he wouldn't give them a chance either. Because, in most situations, why would anyone lie about that? Why would anyone accuse someone of beating their own wife and leaving their own child if there wasn't some truth to it?
But this wasn't most situations.
The truth had been twisted, and everything said about him was in no way what actually happened. But no one ever believed him. So he stopped hoping they would. He stopped hoping that things could remain the same after people found out. Because they never did.
"Casey, if you're not gonna come and talk, then at least listen to me. Everyone is confused, hell I'm confused, but we all know you. I have a hard time believing you could hurt anyone, let alone your own wife. We want to know what happened, not what Bryan drunkenly slurred out when he was pissed at you. Just.. please don't shut us out. I know you're ignoring me, and you've ignored Shay's calls. But you can talk to us, Matt. We're your friends, and we're much more interested in hearing the whole story from you." Severide preached, Matt placing his pounding head in his hands, pressing firmly against his skull, willing his headache to go away.
He wanted to believe Severide. He wanted to believe that at least Kelly and Shay would listen to his side, and trust what he said… He wanted to believe that Gabby would trust he could never do that. But he knew it wasn't fair to ask that of her.
She hadn't reached out to him, and he can't blame her. He wasn't expecting to hear from her. He could only imagine how she was feeling right now; most likely hurt, probably confused, and definitely betrayed.
He knew they weren't together, they weren't a couple, and, from her own insistence, they were keeping feelings out of it. But to hear all of that about the guy she trusted enough to sleep with, he knew she wouldn't want anything to do with him after this.
He knew none of them would. It was always the same, and the sooner he broke himself off from everyone, the better.
He wouldn't be at 51 much longer, he knew that. The second Walker opened his mouth, Matt knew his time left at that firehouse was on a ticking clock. His men won't trust him now, and it'll become a problem. It'll become dangerous, and Casey will end up getting kicked. Because that's what always happens.
It's just better for everyone involved if he took a step back and waited for the inevitable. Most of 51 was at Molly's when Walker ran his mouth, and it was only a matter of time before it got back to Boden.
Matt was on borrowed time, and the quicker he accepted that, the better off everyone would be.
Gabby sat on the couch in Antonio's living room, tapping his finger against her coffee mug, her mind racing as she sat alone in the apartment. Her brother had left for work early this morning, Gabby not waking up until long after he'd gone. Which was for the best.
If he saw her, he'd know something was bothering her. And the last thing she wanted to do was explain it all to him right now. Especially considering she wasn't even sure what to think about what she'd learned last night.
She didn't want to believe Casey could be capable of hurting someone. She didn't see him as someone who'd hurt his own wife. In all the time they'd spent together, none of those red flags ever went up in her head. He never gave her any reason to suspect he could hurt someone, but she knew from experience that people could very easily mask the worst parts of themselves. And the more she thought about it, the more she realized there was still a lot she didn't know about Matt Casey.
He had no obligation to share his past with her, lord knows there were secrets she'd hidden away that she never wanted him, or anyone, to know about. But learning he'd been married, and he has a kid on the way, she couldn't wrap her mind around it.
She couldn't wrap her mind around any of it.
Her first instinct was that it wasn't true, that Walker had been wrong about what he said. But then she saw the look in Matt's eyes when Bryan confronted him.
There was some truth to it. She didn't know to what extent, but some of what Walker had said was true. She knew it the moment her and Matt locked eyes last night. She saw the remorse, and regret, and the pain.
To some degree, Bryan was telling the truth. And Gabby didn't know what to do with that.
She wanted to believe it was a misunderstanding, that Casey wouldn't hurt anyone. But after everything she went through with Bryan, everything he put her through, she couldn't do that again. She wanted to believe Casey was different, that he wasn't Bryan, but the nagging feeling in the back of her mind kept reminding her that she had no idea what Bryan was capable of when she first met him, and there was a chance Matt was the same way. And that scared her. She couldn't put herself in that position again, especially when it was only for some sex. She couldn't be constantly tiptoeing around another man, just waiting for the moment he'd snap. She'd done that for too long, she refused to do it again.
"Open up, Dawson."
Gabby groaned as she heard Shay's loud voice echo through the door, putting her mug down on the coffee table before pushing herself up from the couch.
"We need to talk, and unless you want all your brother's neighbors to hear about your sexual escapades, open the damn door." Shay called again, Gabby rolling her eyes as she turned the lock, whipping the door open.
"Can you be quiet? Jesus Christ Shay." Gabby muttered, the blonde pushing her way in past Dawson, Gabby closing the door behind her. "Yes, come on in." She muttered, rubbing her hand over her face, turning to meet her best friend's gaze.
"You and I need to talk, Gabby." Shay spoke, Gabby nodding, beginning to walk back towards the couch, feeling Shay trailing behind her. She knew Shay would be here sooner or later, in fact she was a little surprised it had taken her this long to get here after Gabby all but ran from Molly's last night.
"What do you want to talk about?" She questioned, earning an unimpressed look from Shay.
"You're joking, right?"
Huffing out a breath, Gabby reached for her coffee, taking a sip before holding the mug in her lap. "... Have you spoken to him?" Gabby questioned, glancing up towards her friend.
"I've called him, once last night and a few more times today. He hasn't answered. What about you, he answer you?" She asked, Gabby biting down on the inside of her cheek.
"I haven't called him." She murmured, Shay's eyes narrowing in confusion.
"What? Why not?"
"I don't know what to say to him.. after everything Bryan said I just- I have no idea how to talk to him."
Shay cocked her head to the side, her confusion still present. "Well, I mean, we all know nothing Walker said was true. There's no way Casey would ever hurt anyone, let alone his wife. He's not that kind of guy." She spoke, Gabby remaining quiet, clicking her tongue against the roof of her mouth. "Did you know he was married?"
"I had no idea." Gabby breathed out, curling her legs under herself.
Shay watched her closely, seeing her clear apprehension and uncertainty. And Shay didn't know what to make of it. Blowing out a breath, Shay adjusted her positioning on the couch, facing Gabby before speaking up. "You gotta tell me what the deal is with you two. How long has… this been going on?" She asked, waving her hand to emphasize her words.
"Well, technically we first slept together before he started working at 51." She spoke, Shay's eyebrows furrowing.
"But weren't you and Walker still together?" She asked, Gabby glancing towards her. "Look, whatever happened, I'm not gonna judge you. Bryan had been cheating on you for a year, it's not like he didn't deserve it."
"I didn't cheat on him." Gabby responded, pushing her hair behind her ear. "The night Walker dumped me, I went out to a bar, and that's where I met Casey. We were kind of biting back and forth all night, but we ended up going home together. And then the next day he showed up at 51."
"So that's why you were acting so weird around him…" She mused, Gabby nodding.
"I had no idea he was a firefighter, let alone a Lieutenant, and I especially didn't know he'd be joining 51. But he did, and we both decided to just forget about it."
"Well, clearly, that didn't last." Shay spoke with a small smile, Gabby taking a deep breath.
"Yeah, it did not. During Christmas, we slept together again." She admitted, Shay's eyebrows raising in curiosity. "I had just found out the extent of how long Bryan had been cheating, and then I had to go visit my parents and I broke down there and everything was just.. too much. I knew Matt was alone, so I went to his place as a distraction."
"Is that when you two made sleeping together a regular thing?" The blonde asked.
"No, we didn't start that until a few days later."
"So, basically it's been like three weeks since you all started your… arrangement."
"A little more than that, but yeah." Gabby replied, Shay nodding.
"And it's just sex?" The blonde asked, earning a nod in response.
"Neither of us want a relationship, we just wanted some fun." She answered, Shay thinking over her words carefully as she went quiet. Gabby could tell she was holding something back, that there was something she wanted to say but she just wouldn't say it. "Spit it out, Shay." Gabby eventually spoke, the blonde glancing back towards her.
"It's just… did you all talk about what would happen if this ended badly?" She questioned, seeing the blank look on Gabby's face. "Don't get me wrong, I'm all for having fun and doing whatever, or whoever, you want, but are you sure it's just a casual thing?"
"It is, Shay. Trust me. We're both on the same page with that, neither of us want anything serious, it was just supposed to be simple and fun."
Shay nodded, tapping her fingers against her leg before asking her next question. "So you don't have any feelings for him at all?"
"No."
"There's not a little part of you that likes him, and wants a relationship with him?"
"No, there's not." Gabby responded again, Shay nodding slowly.
"Alright… If you say so. I mean, I'm not sure how. Obviously, you're a perfect specimen and Casey's not too bad either. I know I'm gay, but that doesn't make me blind." She joked, Gabby shaking her head with a small grin. "If I was attracted to men at all, I'd probably be doing the same thing you are. Casey's hot." She continued, Gabby rolling her eyes before the conversation turned serious. "But you're my best friend, and I love Casey. I don't want either of you getting hurt because of this."
"We're not gonna get hurt, Shay. Him and I are on the same page… And now after all this, I'm not sure him and I will be continuing our arrangement anyway." She spoke, Shay's eyebrows raising slowly.
"... Why do I get the feeling you believe what Walker said." Shay replied, Gabby leaning forward to place her drink on the table, resting her hands in her lap.
"I don't.. I don't know what to think. Or what to say to him. Do I think what Bryan said was the whole story? No, I don't. But come on, Shay, clearly something happened."
"But do you really think Casey is capable of hurting someone like that? Especially someone he loves? I mean, you saw how he acted when Walker gave you that bruise and when Bryan wouldn't let you go, and according to you, you two are just friends. There's no way he'd ever intentionally hurt someone."
"I don't think he would either… but those rumors about him, they exist for some reason. Something had to have happened, people don't just accuse someone of being abusive if nothing happened." Gabby spoke, releasing a heavy sigh. "I don't want to believe he could hurt someone, but I also don't know him very well. I mean, I know he doesn't owe me anything, we're just sleeping together, but I didn't even know he was married."
"Why does it matter that he used to be married?" She questioned, Gabby raising her eyes to meet hers.
"I don't know, I guess it doesn't, but it just feels…" Gabby trailed off, unable to make sense out of how she was feeling.
The two friends sat in silence for a few uncomfortable moments, Gabby not able to express her thoughts, Shay waiting to see if she was going to elaborate anymore. But when she didn't, the blonde spoke up.
"You wanna know what I think?" Shay asked, Gabby raising her eyebrows.
"I have a feeling you're gonna tell me anyway." Gabby responded, Shay rolling her eyes before continuing.
"I think you like him." Shay ignored the look of surprise that covered Gabby's face as she kept speaking. "And that's why you haven't called him."
"Shay-"
"If this was strictly a 'friends with benefits' situation, you wouldn't care about him being married. You wouldn't be hung up on it. What happened last night, it wouldn't have you second guessing everything, because you would've just gone to Casey and figured out what happened. You would've just talked to him… But you haven't. You're avoiding it, because you like him and hearing what Walker said freaked you out." She spoke firmly, Gabby shaking her head.
"I don't have feelings for him, Shay." Gabby tried, but the blonde didn't look convinced.
"Then why haven't you called him?" She questioned immediately, Gabby's mouth opening slightly before she closed it, clearly searching for an answer she didn't have. "Because, for me, as his friend, I'm worried about him. I want to talk to him, hear from him what happened. But he's not answering anyone's calls, he's not talking to me, or to Kelly. Severide even went to his apartment earlier, but Casey wouldn't come to the door. Kelly and I want to talk to him and be there for him. But you, you're avoiding him. And you wouldn't be if you only saw him as a friend."
"Shay…"
"Do you really believe that Casey is capable of something like this?" Shay questioned, Gabby's bottom lip falling in between her teeth. "Because the second I heard what Walker said, I knew it was bullshit. And so did Kelly. We both knew there had to be more to it, that Casey wasn't abusive. But you? You're scared. And I don't blame you for that, hearing that the guy you're sleeping with might've hurt his wife, that can't be easy. But I know you, Gabby. If he was just your friend, you would've called him by now." Shay spoke, Gabby taking a deep breath.
"Shay, I don't… I don't know what you want me to say. I've told you I don't have feelings for him, and you don't believe me. I'm not saying I believe Bryan, but when it comes down to it, there's a lot I don't know about Matt. Based on what I do know, no, I don't think he could do something like this. But I've been wrong about people before…"
"So this is because of Bryan." Shay interjected, Gabby narrowing her eyes. "You're scared of Casey because you thought you knew Bryan, and it turned out he was nothing but an asshole."
"I'm not scared of Matt." She cut in. "All I'm saying is that I've seen up close how good people can be at hiding parts of themselves."
"So you think he was abusive." She commented, Gabby blowing out a frustrated breath, running her hands over her head.
"No, I don't... I don't think he would do that, but I'm just saying that maybe I don't know him very well. I don't know what happened, maybe none of it's true, maybe it was an accident that got blown out of proportion, or maybe it did happen. I don't know. But even if he didn't hurt anyone, if his ex-wife is pregnant and he left her… I don't know what to do with that, Shay."
"I think you need to talk to him." Shay replied strongly, Gabby wrapping her arms over her chest. "Because you can deny it all you want, but from the way you're acting… You have feelings for him, Gabby. I don't think what you two are is just a casual thing. And I think if anyone's gonna get through to him right now, it's you." Gabby's gaze moved forward, looking away from her friend as she took a deep breath. "For both you and for him, you need to talk to him. I know you say you're not scared, but he probably is." She continued, Gabby's gaze snapping back towards the blonde. "Whatever happened, his past is coming back and getting thrown in his face, and as far as I know he's dealing with it alone. He's probably scared, scared of everyone knowing, scared of what you'll think…" She spoke, Gabby's eyes falling closed. "I don't believe a damn word that came from Walker's mouth, but you're right, clearly something happened. Something he didn't want people knowing about, and now he's dealing with it by himself."
Gabby sat in silence for a moment, letting Shay's words wash over her, feeling her friend put her hand over her arm comfortingly.
"If Matt did do this, then we'll deal with that. But I think you and I both know what we were told isn't the whole story. Like you said, you don't owe him anything, but if he is your friend, you'd let him explain. You'd listen to what he has to say before shutting him out. It's the same thing you'd do for me, or for Kelly. You'd give us the benefit of the doubt… You'd be there for us. He's having to confront his past, and I'm guessing he doesn't know if anyone will have his back, if anyone's on his side… He doesn't know if you are." She murmured, Gabby blinking tightly, rubbing her hand over her forehead. "Look, if you really are afraid of Casey, then don't go. I'd never ask you to put yourself in that position... But I think we owe it to him to hear his side of things, whatever it is."
Gabby's head fell against the back of the couch, taking slow, steady breaths as she thought over Shay's words.
Neither of them said anything else, they didn't need to. Shay had said everything she came here to say, now the rest was up to Dawson.
Severide stepped inside Molly's, looking around the somewhat busy room, his eyes landing on Shay before walking towards her, the blonde looking up as she saw him approaching.
"Hey Kel." She greeted with a soft smile. "Any luck?"
"No, I tried to go to his place again, he wouldn't answer. I'm worried about him, Shay."
"Well, I went to talk to Dawson this afternoon, I tried to get her to go talk to him." She breathed out, Kelly's eyebrows furrowing.
"What would Dawson be able to do?" He asked, Shay's eyes widening slightly, before she quickly masked her reaction, shrugging softly.
"Just thought it was another person to show him we're here, that we want to know his side of things." She covered, Kelly nodding.
"Oh, yeah. That's good." He mused, pulling out the bar stool and sitting down. "I just.. I don't know what to think. Clearly, there's more to the story. Regardless of what Walker said, he was drunk off his ass and already pissed off, I'm not inclined to believe much of what he says these days anyway. But the way Casey's acting is making me think it's true…"
"Kelly, come on." Shay sighed, shaking her head.
"Well clearly something happened, Shay. I just wish he'd trust us and talk to us, give us an explanation of what Bryan was talking about instead of leaving us here to wonder if Walker was right."
"I'm gonna tell you the same thing I told Gabby; I think we owe it to Casey, as his friends, to give him the benefit of the doubt. I don't care what Walker said, there's no way Matt would ever hurt anyone."
"I don't think he would either… I just want to know what happened."
"Good evening."
Shay and Kelly glanced over to see Walker moving towards them, Jennifer tucked into his side as they got to the bar.
Severide simply nodded, Shay choosing to be less subtle as she glared at Bryan, crossing her arms over her chest.
"What do you want?"
"What's with all the hostility this evening, I'm just here for a drink." He spoke with a grin, Shay rolling her eyes.
"Well, there are plenty of other bars in Chicago. Go there." She snapped, Walker raising his eyebrows.
"Seems like someone is a little upset. What's got you mad tonight, Shay?" He asked smugly, the blonde tossing her towel over her shoulder.
"You, mostly."
"Me? What did- Oh, this is about your new best friend Casey, isn't it." He replied with a gleam in his eye, Kelly's gaze narrowing. "Well, if anything you should be thanking me. I did you a favor… now you know what kind of asshole Casey is."
"The only asshole I see here is you." Shay growled, Bryan chuckling.
"Still defending him even though his beat up his wife and left his kid? I'm surprised, Shay. I expected better from you."
"Why in the world would I believe a damn word that comes from your mouth? You've had it out for Casey since he chewed your ass out for hurting Herrmann, why should anyone believe anything you say?"
"Maybe because it's the truth?" He questioned back. "You should ask around the department about him, people have better stories than I do. He's not a good person, the sooner you realize that, the better." Walker responded, clenching his neck before turning to look at Jennifer. "Let's get out of here." He spoke harshly, dragging her away from the bar without another word.
Once he was gone, Shay turned back to Kelly, shaking her head.
"What did he mean by that?"
"I have no idea, Shay… But we've gotta get Casey to talk to us." Kelly breathed out, Shay nodding.
"Yeah, I just don't know if he will." She murmured sadly, blowing out a deep sigh before her attention was pulled further down the bar, patrons vying for her attention.
Gabby stared at the front door from her position on the sidewalk, her arms wrapped protectively around herself as she looked at his dark apartment.
It was late, pushing ten o'clock, Gabby having needed the entire day to work up the nerve to come here. She had to get her head on straight before she could face him, she needed to work through her own feelings before talking to him, although she wasn't so sure Matt would want her here. Or if it was even smart for her to come here at all. But one thing she did know was that Shay had a point; Matt deserved the chance to tell his side of the story.
It had been a long day of Gabby trying to figure this out, of trying to wrap her mind around what all had been said last night. But she knew without talking to Matt, that would be nearly impossible. And, despite the nerves that had settled in the pit of her stomach, there was one thing she kept coming back to. One thing that wouldn't leave her mind as she tried to work through all this. It was something that had taken her a few hours to come to terms with, but something in her gut was telling her it was true.
She knew he wasn't Bryan.
Her conversation with Shay this afternoon had really stuck with her, and, the blonde's comments about her true feelings aside, there was something Gabby knew she was right about. And that was that Matt was a good person. She had done a lot of thinking, over what had been said about him and her own experiences with him, and she always ended up back at the same place. That there was no way he could've done this. She had been scared, when she first heard what Walker said, it scared her. But once that passed, once she had talked with Shay and really thought everything through, she didn't think this was something Matt would've done. Gabby couldn't explain the feeling in her gut, and all rational thought reminded her that she had no idea what type of guy Bryan was when they got together. That he had proven to be someone she, at times, feared, someone she could not trust. And there was no reason to think Matt would be any different.
Except she did.
She didn't know why, she couldn't understand why she thought he was different, why she couldn't leave it alone and wait for Matt to explain himself to her, if he chose to. She didn't know why it was so important for her to come here tonight and talk to him. But all she did know was now that she was here, she wanted answers. She wanted to know what happened, and why those things were said about him in the first place. Even though it had taken her all day to work up the courage to get here, what she kept coming back to was that same feeling in her gut, telling her that there had to be more to the story. That, despite her worries about what she heard, there was some rational explanation as to what happened that would make this all make sense. Even though her past with Walker should've sent her running in the other direction, she couldn't help but want to hear Matt's side of things. She wanted to give Casey a chance to explain himself, because the Matt she had come to know wasn't someone who was capable of this.
And that's how she ended up here.
Gabby, probably more than anyone, had seen just how gentle and caring Casey could be. Even in their most heated and rough moments, there was never a time he hadn't checked in afterwards to make sure she was okay, that she was comfortable with what had just happened. There was a tenderness to him that is impossible to fake. Even in times she didn't really deserve it, he was there for her. He had never done anything to make her uneasy, he tried to help her even when she pushed him away. There was nothing he'd done that would make Walker's story make sense. There was no single moment that Gabby could think back to that would explain that type of behavior. There had to be an explanation for why those things were said about him.
And he was the only one who could give it to her.
Taking one last calming breath, Gabby climbed the stairs to his front door, slowly bringing her hand up to the wood, knocking loudly.
She could see a dim light on in his living room, Gabby knowing he was awake. But she heard nothing. Sighing deeply, she knocked again.
And again.
And again.
But he never came to the door.
"Matt?" She called softly, shoving her cold hands into her pockets. "It's Gabby."
She heard some movement coming from inside the apartment, what sounded like a glass shattering on the floor, and some muffled curse words.
"Matt? Please open the door." She tried again, worry filling her voice as she listened to him moving around.
She was about to speak again when she heard the lock turn, Gabby taking a small step back, trying to prepare herself for whatever version of Matt was waiting for her on the other side of the door.
But nothing could prepare her for what she saw when he came into view.
He looked absolutely devastated. With his disheveled hair, his red and tired eyes, and the streaks marking down his skin, it was clear he'd been crying. A lot. And she had never seen him look so broken, she wasn't sure if she'd ever seen anyone look so broken. But his appearance told her more than his words ever could, and in an instant she knew for sure.
She knew he didn't do this.
Slowly, she took a step forward, Matt watching her closely as she reached up to place her hand over his cheek.
"It's okay." She whispered, Matt blinking back his fresh tears, his eyes frantically moving over her face, almost as if he couldn't believe she was here. "It's okay, Matt." She assured him again, closing the distance between them as she wrapped her arms around his neck, holding him to her.
His initial reaction was to tense up, Matt not only unable to believe she was here, but that she was hugging him. That even after everything she heard, she was willingly comforting him without so much as an explanation for what happened. He didn't know how she could trust him, how she wasn't afraid of him.
But the shock soon worn off, Matt listening to the comforting words leaving her lips as he secured his arms around her, digging his head into her neck as tears began escaping down his cheeks.
Gabby tightened her grip as she felt him tremble in her grasp, his silent cries filling her chest with a heaviness she couldn't explain.
"I didn't do it." He whispered unsteadily, her heart breaking as she heard the pain in his voice. "What he said- it didn't happen, I never hurt her."
"I know." She responded, placing a comforting kiss against his neck, rubbing his back. "It's okay." She spoke again, feeling him slowly pull away from her, the two still standing in his doorway. Gabby wiped away the tears sliding down his skin, watching as he leaned into her hand, bringing his own up to grasp her wrist.
"I didn't.. I wasn't expecting you to come here." He murmured, Gabby nodding.
"Let's go inside and we can talk, alright?" She prompted, Matt nodding as he turned around, keeping his hold on her hand as they came inside, Gabby shutting and locking the door behind her. Walking into the living room, Gabby soon found the source of the shattering glass sound, seeing a broken beer bottle on the ground, several other empty bottles spread throughout the room, some on the table and some on the floor.
"I'm sorry, I just-"
"It's okay." She assured him. Even though it was clear he'd done his fair share of drinking, if she had to guess she'd say that drinking was done late last night and early this morning, because he definitely seemed sobered up now. "Sit down, I'll clean this up."
"You don't have to do that…"
"It's fine, I don't mind." Gabby led him to the couch, carefully moving around the glass before grabbing all the empty bottles and taking them to the kitchen. Once discarded, she grabbed the broom and dustpan from his laundry room, walking back to find him waiting for her. She flashed him a supportive smile before she began cleaning up the broken glass.
Discarding the shards only took a few moments, Gabby walking back into the living room to find him hunched over on the couch, his elbows resting on his knees and he held his head in his hands. Slowly, she walked towards him, sitting down on the couch beside him, placing her hand on his back.
He jumped slightly at the contact, clearly not having noticed her presence until now, Matt lifting his head to look at her. A frown formed over her face as she saw new tears sliding down his cheeks, Gabby taking a deep breath.
"I don't know what happened, or where Bryan heard those things… but what I do know is that you're a good person, Casey." She murmured, grabbing ahold of his hand. "I'm sorry for not coming to talk to you sooner, I just…"
"You don't owe me any apologies, I'm the only one who should be apologizing." He interjected, clearing the emotion from his voice. "I wasn't expecting you to come here at all, if I'm being honest. I wouldn't have blamed you if you never wanted to talk to me again. If I heard what you did, the way you did… I'm not entirely sure how you're okay with being here. Being around me."
Gabby bit down on her bottom lip, trying to find the right words to say, giving his hand a squeeze. "I won't lie to you, when I first heard what Walker said, it freaked me out. I didn't want to believe you could do something like that, but I didn't know what to do. I was a little shocked to hear all of that, but I should've come to you first… Instead I kind of got stuck in my own head and kept talking myself out of it. Truthfully, I think I let my past experiences affect how I handled this, and I'm sorry for that-"
"You gotta stop apologizing." He spoke, cutting her off. "You don't need to explain anything, I'm just glad you're here.. It means everything that you came here." He whispered, Gabby smiling sadly at him.
"I kept going back and forth about whether I should come, about whether you'd want me here.." She told him, Matt eyeing her curiously. "I was talking to Shay this morning, I was telling her about everything, and she kept trying to tell me that I might be the only person you'd talk to. That her and Kelly had tried, and maybe I'd have better luck getting you to open up… but I was hesitant." She spoke honestly, Matt nodding silently. "After everything I went through with Bryan, I was initially a little scared to come here." She admitted, Matt's eyes softening, hating that he made her nervous, that she was scared of him. "And, aside from that, I kept telling her that you and I, we really don't know each other. That you probably wouldn't talk to me either.. It's what I told her over and over, but I've had all day to think about it, and I'm starting to think I was wrong…"
"What do you mean?" He asked quietly, his voice hoarse.
"I was wrong about us not knowing each other. Because once I really started thinking about it, I realized that I know you pretty well, or I'd like to think I do. Maybe better than Shay or Severide do... But I think I know you well enough to know you're not capable of something like this, you're not capable of hurting someone." She spoke, watching as a few new tears welled in his eyes. "I've seen that type of anger before, I've seen someone try to hide that kind of anger, and I don't think that's you."
Matt nodded, blinking back the tears in his eyes, releasing a breath of relief as his head turned to the ground. She gave him a second to just breathe, Gabby remaining a strong, comforting presence by his side as she spoke up again.
"Do you- do you know why Walker was saying those things?" She asked, Matt rubbing his hand over his mouth.
"I'm not sure who he heard it from, but it's the same thing that's said about me all around the department… It's the same rumors that have made it impossible for me to keep a job, it's why I kept getting kicked around houses. It's ruined my life, and none of it's even true." His voice became unsteady near the end of his sentence, sadness shining in her eyes.
"Can you, uh… are you okay talking about what happened?" She questioned softly, Matt sucking in a deep breath as he leaned his body back against the couch.
He knew she deserved answers, out of everyone at the firehouse, Gabby deserved to know what happened. But it was hard to relive, it was hard to go back to that place. But he knew he had to. For him to be able to salvage any hope of keeping the life he'd found at 51, he needed to tell her.
"It's… well, I was- I don't even know where to start." He rambled, Gabby frowning as she watched him get worked up.
"Hey, look at me." She prompted, Matt slowly turning his head towards her. "It's okay. Just work through this however you need to. I'm right here, I'm not going anywhere." She promised, sliding herself closer to him, keeping her firm grip on his hand.
He found himself calming down as they locked eyes, Matt nodding slowly as he placed his other hand over their conjoined ones.
It took him a few minutes, Gabby waiting patiently for him to feel comfortable talking to her.
"I was married." He eventually murmured, moving his gaze to his lap. "I was married for almost three years, her name was Hallie. She's a doctor over at Lakeshore."
"Dr. Thomas?" She questioned, her eyes widened in surprise. Matt nodded, clearing his throat before responding.
"That's her... you know her?"
"I've met her in passing a few times, but I've never really spoken to her." She answered, Matt nodding.
"We'd been together since I got out of college, we were engaged for a long time then finally got married. I thought everything had been good between us, we were talking about maybe trying to start a family.. although she was hesitant, but we were trying to find the right time. I thought we were good…" He breathed out, shaking his head. "But I guess she didn't think so, because I found out she'd been sleeping with one of my firefighters for about four months."
Gabby's eyes fell closed, her grip on his hand tightening. "Matt, I'm so sorry." She murmured, feeling him squeeze her hand back.
"His name's Blake Jacobs, he was serving under me on my truck, had been for years… I didn't know until one night her and I had gotten into a fight and she left. I went out looking for her, and I found her at a bar… with him." He breathed out, Gabby shifting an inch closer to him. "I felt like such an idiot, I didn't know what to do, so I left. She ran out after me, and we got into a fight. She said she did it because I was never around, because she felt like I didn't care about our relationship and that I wasn't committed anymore, and that's when she told me how long it had been going on… But I never put my hands on her. Never." He promised, their eyes locking. "Then Jacobs came out and just started swinging. He was drunk, and I don't know if he thought I was gonna do something, or if he was just trying to prove himself to her, but he immediately started punching. I was just defending myself, I wasn't trying to fight him. Hallie got in the middle and she fell, but she only had a few bruises. The guy, he tripped and hit his head. That's how he ended up in the hospital, it wasn't me. But somehow that all got twisted into me abusing Hallie, and then Jacobs came and tried to break it up and I put him in the hospital. I don't know who started it, but it only just kept getting worse…"
"What happened with Hallie?" Gabby questioned, Matt sighing as he looked to the ground.
"She said she wanted us to try and work. That she wanted to make things work. So we stayed together, and it was the dumbest mistake of my life." He breathed out, Gabby moving her hand up to his neck, stroking his skin in a comforting motion. "Jacobs was only in the hospital for a night, he had a concussion. I know what's said about me, they make it sound like he was in a coma or something, but he had a few cuts and a concussion, that's it. But I guess he and Hallie, they never stopped their affair. But I didn't know until I came home and found them in our bed."
"Matt…" She spoke sadly, taking a deep breath.
"For two months I stayed with her, not knowing they kept sleeping together behind my back the entire time. And then that's when I found out she was pregnant."
"The baby's not yours, is it?" Gabby questioned softly after a beat of silence, Matt shaking his head.
"No… When I first found them I left to let them finish, but when I got back, I told Hallie I was done. That I wanted a divorce, and then a few days later she told me she was pregnant. I told her it didn't change anything, that I still wanted a divorce, but I wanted her to do a paternity test. I told her we would figure the parenting thing out if the child was mine, I would never leave my child, but I was done with her… So she did the test, but even before then I had a feeling the baby wasn't mine… and it wasn't. So we got a divorce, and I haven't spoken to her since."
"I'm so sorry." She whispered, not sure what else to say. She had been hoping that Bryan's words weren't true, that it was some misunderstanding, but she had no idea just how wrong Walker had been. And the fact that Matt had been carrying this all alone, she felt terrible for ever thinking there was even the slightest possibility it could've been true. She hated that she let her fear cloud her judgement. "How long ago was it?"
"I found out about the baby six months ago, and our divorce was finalized a month later." He answered, Gabby nodding understandingly. "...But that's what happened. I'm not sure who started all the rumors, but I have a feeling it was Jacobs…" He said, watching her closely, trying to gauge her reaction. "And I know you have no reason to believe me, but I swear to you, I never hurt Hallie. I don't want you to be scared of me, I'd never hurt you like that, or anyone, I'm not-"
"I believe you." She spoke up, effectively silencing his rambling. His eyes lifted to meet hers, Gabby seeing the look of surprise flash in his gaze. "I believe you." She repeated, Matt taking a deep breath. "And I'm not scared of you… I know I said I was nervous to come here, but I'm not scared of you. I have no reason to be." She murmured, Matt's eyes falling closed in relief.
Before any more words were said, Matt dropped her hand, wrapping his arms around her body, holding her to him tightly.
"Thank you." He whispered against her her hair, Gabby wrapping her arms around his waist.
"You don't have to thank me for anything, you did nothing wrong." She spoke softly, feeling him dig his head into her neck.
"No, I do need to thank you." His voice was so soft, Gabby barely heard him, Matt slowly pulling back from her. "Whenever people find out about my past, they never believe me when I say it's not true… I mean, I don't usually tell the details, you're the only one who knows everything," he admitted, Gabby reaching for his hand, "but no matter what I tell them, they never believe me. Or they try, but they see me differently. No one ever trusts me again." He spoke, Gabby taking a deep breath.
"I'm sorry this has happened, that you and your career have suffered because of something you didn't do, but I need you to know that no one in the house is going to treat you differently. Walker had no right to tell everyone what he was told, but I can assure you once everyone knows the truth, they'll believe you. Everyone loves you, Casey." She told him, but she could tell he was unconvinced. "I'm sorry this got brought into the house, I know you never wanted people to find out, but what I can tell you is that every single person at 51 will have your back. Well, almost everyone. But you gotta believe me, Matt. I don't want you to worry about your place there, not because of this."
"I… I can't have everyone knowing. I'm not ready for that." He spoke quickly, Gabby seeing his nerves rising. "I can't.. I don't-"
"You don't have to tell them anything you don't want to." She responded, catching his gaze. "If all you tell them is that it's not true, they'll believe you. I can't imagine how hard this is, but once they hear from you that it's not what happened, everything will be fine. And I'll be right there." She promised, Matt nodding slowly, his body collapsing back against the couch, Gabby watching as his hands came up to cover his face. Gabby remained quiet, letting him gather his thoughts, wanting to give him time before she said anything.
But it wasn't until she saw his hands shaking that concern flooded her body, Gabby gently reaching out towards him.
"Matt?" She questioned, carefully prying his hands away from his face, seeing tears streaming down his face.
"I'm sorry, I'm sorry I just-" He cut himself off, swallowing back a sob as he tried to cover his face again, his emotions getting the better of him. Blinking back her own tears, Gabby reached out for him, pulling him towards her. She felt his arms wrap around her waist as his head fell against her chest, Gabby holding onto him as he silently cried.
She couldn't imagine how he felt right now, being forced to confront his past, having to face something that was clearly so painful for him. And based on how he was acting, she was sure there were things he hadn't dealt with. But now he had no choice, he couldn't avoid it anymore.
"It's okay." She murmured, running her hand over his head as she held him, feeling his grip around her waist tighten. "It's alright, Matt."
She continuously whispered comforting words to him as they sat on the couch, Gabby not daring to move as he cried, her heart breaking for him as she held back the tears in her eyes.
Gabby knew this hurt him, that this had kept coming up and tearing his life apart. But she refused to let it happen again. She meant what she said, this wouldn't ruin his life at 51, she wouldn't let it. She didn't care what she had to do, she wouldn't let this affect his job and the relationships he'd built.
She believed him. She couldn't explain why she felt so sure, but she just knew he was telling her the truth. And she would make sure everyone else believed him too.
Well, now Gabby (and you all) know what happened between Matt and his wife. I went back and forth on whether or not to make Matt's wife Hallie or an entirely new character, but, obviously, I decided to go with Hallie. Really, it was just easier to choose a character that you all, as the readers, already know. But I know a lot of you were hoping Gabby would be there for him instead of pulling away, and I hope you weren't disappointed.
I hope you all enjoyed this chapter! I'm so excited to hear your thoughts, and see how you think things are gonna go when they're back on shift. I'm a little unsure about this chapter, to be honest, so I'd love to heard what you think. Thank you for reading!