Hello hello hello. Here's the next chapter for you all.
I know some of you mentioned how you wanted to see what happened where we left off, so I hope you all enjoy this one. Happy reading!
FOURTEEN
Gabby blinked furiously as she was slowly brought into consciousness, confusion filling her body as she glanced around the pitch black room. It was early, that much she did know, but she wasn't sure how early it was, and she wasn't even sure exactly where she was.
It wasn't until she registered the heavy weight on her that realization washed over her, Gabby's eyes adjusting to the darkness as she glanced down, seeing Matt's head resting on her chest, his body partially covering hers. It wasn't the most comfortable position, Gabby lying flat on her back while Matt was resting on his side between her and the back of the couch, with his arms wrapped tightly around her waist. At some point during the night, one of them had draped the throw blanket over them, the two curled together under the warmth of the material.
Feeling the stiffness in her back, part of her wished she'd made more of an effort to get them to his bed last night instead of falling asleep here, even though Gabby couldn't really even recall how or when they fell asleep. She remembered holding onto him as he broke down, but most of the night after that was a blur.
Reaching out towards the coffee table, she blindly felt around for her phone, remembering she'd placed it there last night. Her eyes squinted as soon as the screen lit up, Gabby needing a moment to adjust to the sudden light before she could focus on the time.
6:18
Taking a deep breath, Gabby put her phone back down, turning her attention back to the sleeping man on top of her. Bringing her hand up from his back, she lightly began running her hand through his hair, watching as he stirred for a moment before digging himself deeper into her hold, falling back into his state of unconsciousness.
As she watched him sleep peacefully, she couldn't help but feel sorry for him. She still wasn't sure she had grasped the full magnitude of what he had gone through, but she felt terrible. No one deserved to be treated like that, and from personal experience, she knew how it felt to be betrayed by the person you love. But even though they'd gone through similar things, she couldn't imagine what it had been like for him. Even though Bryan cheated on her, they hadn't actually gotten married yet. And, as far as Gabby knew, Hallie's affair only started after they had been married. Hallie broke the biggest vow she could've promised him, and it made her chest hurt.
Cheating was cheating, it was terrible no matter the circumstances. But something about what Matt went through made it seem so much worse. It made her heart ache for him, and it made her feel terrible for how she treated him in the past.
From the moment she met him, she thought he was just some player, someone who worked his way through women without a care in the world. But she was wrong. She had been so wrong about him.
He was broken. Hallie had hurt him in a way that he still hadn't really recovered from, and Gabby could only think that the man she met that night at the bar was just an act, that he was only trying to protect himself.
In all the time she'd spent with him since the night they met, she saw more and more of how great a guy he was. Even when she hadn't wanted to acknowledge it, she knew he was much more kind than she gave him credit for. And she could only imagine what he'd been like before Hallie broke his heart. From what she saw, he was not just a good man, but a good person. And she felt terrible for how she'd misjudged him. How she projected her issues with Bryan onto him. He didn't deserve that, especially not on top of everything else he was dealing with.
Gabby wasn't sure why, despite all he was going through, he still kept trying to help her. Why he continued to be nice to her even when she didn't deserve his kindness at times. He'd been going through so much hurt and pain, yet he still looked out for other people.
Matt Casey was nothing like the man she originally thought he was, and she wished she had treated him better when they first met. But she couldn't change the past, all she could do now was be there for him like he'd done for her. The last thing she wanted was him thinking he was in this alone, because he wasn't. No matter what happened with everyone else, he had her. She was determined to help him through this, to be the friend he needed. Because if last night told her anything, it was that he'd need help getting past this. He would need a friend, and she wouldn't let him down.
Gabby felt him breathe deeply against her side, the movement pulling her from her thoughts as she focused back on him, seeing him open his eyes. She kept her hand moving through his hair, hearing him release a content sigh, Matt lifting his head from her body.
"Morning." She spoke quietly, Matt's chin resting against her chest as his eyes fell closed again.
"Good morning." He responded, his voice hoarse, but she couldn't tell if it was from the sleep or the crying.
"How'd you sleep?" She questioned, Matt drawing in a deep breath, Gabby feeling his thumb moving against her side.
"Pretty decent, for sleeping on the couch." He answered, Gabby flashing him a small grin. "What time is it?"
"About six thirty I think. We'll need to get going for shift, soon." She murmured.
"Do you need to go home?"
"I've got extra clothes at the station, I can get ready there." She spoke, Matt nodding as his eyes diverted away from her, Gabby frowning as she saw a flicker of hesitation flash in his gaze. "Everything okay?"
"Yeah, yeah… I'm just a little nervous, I guess. To go to shift." He spoke honestly, Gabby taking a deep breath.
"Everything will be fine. I really don't think you have anything to be nervous about, not with the house." She told him firmly. "I know you've had problems in the past once people have found out, but what's said about you isn't true. Once they know the truth, you have nothing to worry about. I truly believe that." She kept her voice as steady as she could, Matt searching her eyes for any signs of deception. When he found none, he nodded before placing his head back onto her chest, Gabby feeling him relax against her.
They fell into a comfortable quiet, Gabby focusing on the sound of his breathing. She knew they needed to get up soon, that they couldn't waste too much more time without risking being late, but she didn't have the heart to tell him to get up just yet. It had been a long night, and a few extra moments of rest wouldn't hurt.
"I kind of thought I dreamt the whole thing…" He spoke up after a few minutes, Gabby's eyebrows furrowing as she glanced down to him, being met with the top of his head.
"What?"
"I thought last night didn't happen, that I was gonna wake up and you wouldn't be here." The vulnerability in his voice broke her heart, Gabby's eyes falling closed as she ran her hand up and down his back.
"Nope, not a dream. I'm right here." She assured him. "And I'll continue to be here. You don't have to go through this alone, Matt." Gabby spoke truthfully, feeling his smile against her chest.
"Thank you, Gabby." He murmured, lifting himself up. "Really, you have no idea how much it means to me, you being here."
She simply nodded, feeling a bunch of conflicting emotions rise in her chest as they locked eyes, Gabby swallowing the lump in her throat that formed when she saw his shining gaze. The air around them became thick, Gabby seeing his eyes flicker to her lips before landing back on her, the two unable to break the intense eye contact.
"What are friends for." She practically whispered after a few long seconds, Matt's eyes staying locked on her for a second longer than they probably should've, before he snapped out of it, giving her a slow nod.
"Yeah." He breathed out, clearing his throat as he slowly sat himself up on the couch, Gabby following his lead as she ignored the flutters in her stomach. "So uh, do you need to shower?" He asked, Gabby pulling her legs up to her chest, giving them both room to sit comfortably.
"Yeah, I do." She responded quietly, Matt nodding. There was an obvious shift in the air, something they both were trying to ignore as he flashed her a small smile.
"You wanna shower first? I can make us some breakfast." He questioned, Gabby giving him a nod. "You, uh, know where everything is, right?"
"Mhmm." She responded, pushing herself up from the couch.
"Alright, I'll get started on breakfast." He spoke, Gabby nodding before heading down the hallway towards his bedroom.
She knew she had to shower quickly, but the few minutes of quiet gave her time to think over what had just happened. She didn't understand the look he was giving her, or why things had suddenly felt different between them. Something had changed with the two of them, and she didn't know why, or what it was, or why there was suddenly this strange feeling in her gut.
But she didn't want to focus on it. Right now, her main concern was making sure Matt got through today. Despite her assurances, she knew he was worried. And she couldn't blame him. Although she didn't know the details, she knew he'd been burned in the past. That from his own experiences, he had no reason to believe everything would be okay. All she could hope was that she'd been right, that everyone at 51 would believe him. Because if not, if she was wrong about this, all she'd done was make things worse.
She only spent maybe fifteen minutes in the shower, knowing they didn't have much time before needing to leave. She quickly got dressed in the clothes she came in, Gabby walking back out into the apartment, heading into the kitchen and finding Matt at the small table with two plates sitting in front of him.
"Sorry, I already started.. I was hungry." He spoke sheepishly, Gabby smiling softly, shaking her head.
"It's fine, thanks for making it." She replied, sitting down beside him and digging into the eggs and toast he'd made her. Despite the uncomfortable air around them earlier, that had passed and they fell into easy conversation, Gabby keeping the topics away from work. She could still sense his nerves, so unless he brought it up, she steered the conversation elsewhere.
They were able to enjoy breakfast together for about ten minutes before Matt glanced at the clock, pushing his chair back. "I need to get into the shower, you heading out or staying?" He questioned as he moved to place his dirty dishes in the sink.
"I can stay for a bit." She answered, taking a sip of her coffee. Her words brought a soft smile to his face, Matt nodding.
"Good." He responded. "I'll be back." He told her, Gabby flashing him a smile before he disappeared down the hallway.
While Matt was gone, Gabby finished up her breakfast, trying to kill time as she listened to the sound of his shower running. When she was done, she took to cleaning up their dishes, needing something to keep her occupied while she waited for him. After putting the last plate on the rack, she poured herself another cup of coffee before beginning the walk back to the living room.
"Shit." She muttered as she felt the hot coffee spill onto her shirt when she tried to take a drink, Gabby placing the mug down on the counter before pulling the shirt away from her skin. Huffing out a deep breath, Gabby glanced down to the dark stain on her clothing, shaking her head as she began walking towards his bedroom.
Pushing open the ajar door, she didn't hear the water running anymore, Gabby poking her head into the room, not seeing him anywhere.
"Matt?" She called, stepping further into the room.
"Yeah?" He responded from the bathroom, Gabby unable to see him even though the door was open.
"Is it alright if I borrow a shirt? I got coffee on mine." She spoke, walking towards the dresser as he came into the room, his towel wrapped around his waist.
"Yeah, of course. Just pick whichever one you want." He replied, Gabby's eyes trailing down his half-naked form before finding his face, her cheeks heating up as he caught her stares.
"Thanks." She murmured, Matt giving her a nod as they both moved towards the dresser. He pulled out a pair of boxers before opening the second drawer, Gabby seeing stacks of t-shirts piled in front of her. Without another word he walked towards his closet, Gabby glancing towards him as he moved away from her. But she quickly averted her eyes as he began changing, Gabby swallowing thickly as she focused her attention on the clothes in front of her.
She wasn't sure why she suddenly felt so weird around him, considering the majority of their time together was spent when they were in less than nothing. There was no reason that made sense to her, why her cheeks got hot and she became flustered at him changing a few feet away from him. She didn't understand it, but she knew there was something different between them than there had been before this morning. Before their moment in the living room. She wasn't sure what he was thinking, but for her at least, she felt a shift in their dynamic. And she didn't know what to make of it.
Snapping out of her confusing thoughts, Gabby reached for a plain navy t-shirt, quickly discarding her stained one and pulling his over her head. It was big on her, but nothing she couldn't work with long enough to get to the station.
Turning back around, she found Casey watching her, now clad in his shift clothes, his pants hanging off his hips as he tucked his shirt in.
"If you just wanna leave it here, I can wash it after shift." He offered as he buttoned up his pants, securing his belt.
"That'd be great, thanks." She responded softly, tucking Matt's shirt on her body up under itself, trying to make it look a little less obvious that it wasn't hers. "I think I'm gonna head to the firehouse, since I've gotta get ready there."
"Alright." He murmured, walking towards the bed with his boots in hand.
"You still feeling okay?" She questioned, taking a step towards him, watching him sigh deeply before shrugging, clearly unsure of his answer.
"I don't know… I know you've said it's gonna be okay, but I've dealt with this before. Even if they do believe me, no one ever looks at me the same way and I just- I don't know, I know I can't do anything about it now. Whatever happens, I've just gotta deal with it." He breathed out, Gabby biting on her bottom lip, moving to to sit down beside him.
"Well, you can't control what they do. But I really do think it'll all be fine, and pretty soon it'll just be a distant memory." She replied, Matt flashing her a small smile. "And, like I said, you've got me on your side."
"Thanks Gabby." He responded softly, Gabby nodding before pushing herself up from the bed.
"Of course.. I'll see you at the firehouse." She told him, Matt giving her a small smile before she disappeared from his sight, listening as she left the apartment.
Gabby kept her head down as she moved through the firehouse, seeing a few random members of first shift during her walk to the locker room. Shift change was still about twenty minutes away, Gabby knowing she had plenty of time to get ready and prepare herself for today.
She knew it would probably start out a little rough, that until everyone knew Matt was innocent, there would be an unsettling feeling around the house. All she could hope was that Matt had the courage to talk to them sooner rather than later, or else it would only make things worse.
"So you are alive."
Gabby nearly jumped out of her skin as she came around the corner, seeing her friend sitting on the bench alone in the locker room, her hands resting on her legs.
"Jesus Christ Shay." She breathed out, resting her hand across her chest. "You scared the hell out of me."
"Sorry, I didn't think you'd be so jumpy." She responded with raised eyebrows, glancing to the object in Gabby's hand as Dawson moved to her locker. "I'm assuming that thing still works?"
"What?"
"Your phone. I'm assuming it still works, even though you've ignored all my texts." She spoke, Gabby blowing out a breath.
"Well, I've been a little busy. What are you doing here so early, anyway?"
"Don't change the subject." Shay responded as Gabby shed her coat, hanging it up, "So considering that is most definitely not your shirt, I'm guessing you went to see Casey."
Gabby's eyes widened as she glanced around the room, before narrowing her gaze towards her friend. "Can you keep your voice down?" She bit out, grabbing her extra shift clothes from the top shelf.
"Sorry. But I'm right, aren't I?"
Drawing in a deep breath, Gabby took a step closer to the blonde. "I went to see Casey last night, I didn't have enough time to get back to my place this morning, so I borrowed his shirt." She explained quietly, Shay giving her a nod, patting the bench in front of her, prompting Gabby to sit down.
"So since you stayed the night, I'm guessing you all talked." Shay replied, Gabby nodding as she clenched her hands together.
"He didn't do it, Shay." Gabby spoke, the blonde blowing out a heavy sigh of relief.
"Oh, thank God." She muttered, rubbing her hand over the side of her face, meeting Gabby's narrowed gaze.
"I thought you were sure he didn't do it?" She questioned, Shay nodding.
"I was, but still.. It's nice to know for sure." She explained, earning an understanding nod from her partner.
"Yeah, I know what you mean." Gabby responded quietly, shaking her head.
"Is he okay?" Shay asked, Gabby drawing in a deep breath before answering.
"No, not really. He's a little better this morning than he was last night…"
"Well, a night of some Dawson-lovin' can do that." She joked, trying to lighten the heavy mood in the room, Gabby scoffing lightly as she shook her head.
"Yeah, there was none of that. We fell asleep on the couch… fully clothed." Gabby added when she saw Shay open her mouth, the blonde giving up and nodding. "But he just.. He looked so broken, Shay." She spoke sadly, a frown forming on the blonde's face. "He's having a really hard time, and he's scared to come here."
"Is he working today?"
"Yeah, he is. But he's worried about what everyone will think. I told him once they knew it wasn't true, he had nothing to worry about. But I know he didn't really believe me…"
"Everyone here will have his back, he doesn't need to worry about that." She replied, Gabby nodding.
"I know, that's what I told him. But I guess, in the past at other houses, the rumors about him are what kept getting him transferred. He's scared it'll happen again.. I'm just hoping once he sees everyone here isn't gonna treat him any differently, he'll be okay. That is as long as no one here does treat him differently."
"Yeah… God, as if I needed another reason to hate Walker." Shay breathed out frustratedly, Gabby eyeing her closely. "Him running his mouth when he has no idea what he's talking about, only because Casey called him out on his bullshit." Gabby merely nodded, Shay tilting her head to the side as a sudden realization washed over her. "You know, I wonder if it's because of you."
"What?"
"I wonder if Walker knows the Lieutenant is your boyfriend."
"Shay."
"Fine. I wonder if Walker knows the Lieutenant is your 'fuck-buddy'." She said with a smirk, Gabby rolling her eyes.
"I don't think he knows." Gabby responded, ignoring her friend's terminology.
"I don't know, I mean the way Casey stepped in at Molly's before Walker opened his big mouth, that was a total boyfriend move. I didn't really see what happened, but I heard Casey confront him about grabbing you… Maybe Walker knows about you two."
"Trust me, if he even thought something was going on with me and Casey, he would've come to me about it.. He wouldn't be able to help himself. I'm sure he doesn't know."
"Alright, if you say so. Knowing Walker, he's psycho enough to hold a grudge against Casey just for doing his job."
Gabby nodded, pushing herself up from the bench, moving back towards her locker.
"I just wish he never said anything. What actually happened… it's awful, and Casey didn't do anything wrong. The whole thing is just a nightmare, and I hate that it's all getting brought up again." Dawson spoke, Shay nodding quietly, her tongue poking out between her lips. Glancing back to her friend, Gabby raised her eyebrows, perching her hand on her hip. "And I gotta say, I'm impressed."
"By what?" Shay asked, confusion evident in her voice.
"We've been talking for over ten minutes and you haven't even gotten close to trying to get me to tell you what happened.. That's impressive for you." Gabby responded, Shay narrowing her eyes at her partner as she cocked her head to the side.
"It's taken me great restraint." Shay replied, blowing out a deep breath. "But I figured you would've said what happened by now if it was something you could talk about."
"He's not ready for everyone to know yet." She explained, Shay nodding understandingly. "I guess until he told me, he'd never even told anyone else the whole story. From what I can tell, he hasn't really dealt with everything, and he doesn't want to talk about it."
"I get it. Just as long as he knows we're here for him."
"I told him that. I said that even if all he could say was that it wasn't true, that was enough for everyone here. No one needs to know the whole story to believe him." Gabby answered, Shay nodding.
"Good morning, ladies." Shay rolled her eyes as she heard the voice, both Gabby and Shay turning to see Walker step into the room. "Have a good few days off?" He questioned with a gleam in his eye, Gabby pursing her lips together as she shut her locker.
"I'm gonna go get changed." She spoke towards Shay, the blonde nodding as she watched her friend head towards the bathroom.
Clenching her neck, Shay turned back towards Walker, seeing him watching her with a smug grin. "What do you want?" She snapped, her tone earning a chuckle from him.
"Glad to see you're still in a good mood." He responded as he stood at his locker. "Tell me, you hear from your best buddy Casey?" Shay's eyes narrowed as she stood up from the bench. "Although it wouldn't surprise me if he doesn't show his face here today. I mean, I wouldn't."
"You're such an asshole, Walker." She bit out, Bryan's smirk widening.
"Language, Shay."
"Quit being such a dick." She spoke angrily. "You have no idea what happened with Casey, and also you're one to talk about lecturing someone for being abusive." Something flashed in his eyes as the words left his lips, his face hardening. "Even though Casey's not abusive, he didn't do anything. I don't know what you heard, or who you heard it from, but it's bullshit." She continued, but Walker wasn't listening, too fixated on something else she'd said.
"What did Dawson tell you?" He spoke roughly, Shay's eyes narrowing.
"What?"
"Dawson ran her mouth about me again, didn't she?" He asked, slamming his locker, Shay jumping slightly. "I don't know what she told you, but she's a fucking liar."
"Walker, calm down." Shay spoke, the man taking a step towards her.
"No, Gabby's been bitching and running her mouth, clearly telling you things that aren't true. Tell me, what has she been saying this time? Cause I can assure you, I didn't do anything to her." He growled harshly, Shay seeing an anger in him she'd never seen before.
"So you didn't grab her so hard you left a bruise on her? She just gave that to herself?" She questioned roughly, Walker's eyes narrowing as he took a step closer to her. Shay's arms crossed over her chest, straightening her spine as she stared him down.
"Watch your mouth, Shay." He warned.
"Or what?"
They both turned at the sound of the voice, finding an angry Severide standing a few feet from them, his body tense.
"Severide-"
"I heard enough of your conversation, get the fuck away from her." Kelly snapped, Walker taking a step back. "I don't know what kind of shit you did to Dawson, but then you pulled that stunt with Casey, and now you're threatening Shay?"
"I'm not threatening anyone, I'm trying to find out what she's accusing me of-"
"I'm not accusing you of anything, asshole." Shay spoke harshly. "You grabbed Gabby, that's not an accusation, it's what happened."
"Shay…" Walker bit out through clenched teeth, the blonde narrowing her eyes.
"What? You're over here actually accusing Casey of being abusive, when he did nothing, while you're the one who's hurting people."
"Anything I did to that bitch, she had it coming." He spat before he could stop himself, his frustration taking over as Shay's eyes widened in shock before her gaze narrowed on him, anger coursing through her.
"What did you just say?" She questioned, her voice dangerously quiet.
Realizing what he'd done, Walker took a deep breath, shaking his head. "Nothing, I didn't mean it like-"
"What else did you do to her?" Shay asked roughly, Kelly watching on in shock.
"I didn't do anything." He spoke firmly, turning around quickly before he stormed out of the room, Shay frozen in her spot. She caught Kelly's gaze, seeing his confused eyes on her.
"What the hell did he mean by that?" Shay asked, Severide shaking his head.
"I don't know." He responded, Shay drawing in a deep breath. "What were you talking about? With him hurting Dawson?"
"That night she went to go talk to him, he gave her a bruise on her arm cause he held onto her so tight." She explained, Kelly releasing a heavy sigh as he shook his head. "Do you.. do you think he's hurt her before?"
"I don't know, Shay. That's a serious thing to accuse someone of."
"Yeah, and he had no problem accusing Casey of it." Shay bit out, Kelly clicking his tongue against the roof of his mouth.
"Fair enough." He responded. "Look, I don't think Walker is capable of hurting someone he loves, especially not Gabby… But I also never thought he'd be capable of cheating on her. I guess you just need to talk to her." Severide spoke, earning a slow nod from his best friend.
"I just.. Imagining her going through something like that-" She cut herself off, shaking her head. "I swear, Kelly, if I find out he ever hurt her, I'm gonna kill him." Her voice was rigid, and full of hatred.
"Maybe talk to her before you start planning a murder, alright?" He spoke, wrapping his arm around her shoulders.
"I'm not making any promises." She responded, her spine straightening as Gabby came around the corner, clad in her shift clothes.
"Hey Severide." She greeted the firefighter. "...You okay, Shay?"
"What? Oh, yeah, I'm good." She covered, forcing a smile onto her face.
"You sure? You look upset."
"Nah, I'm good." She replied, pulling herself from Severide's embrace, putting her thoughts of Walker aside, knowing this wasn't the place for that conversation. "I was just about to tell Kelly what you told me about Casey."
"What about Casey?" Kelly asked, his ears perking up.
"He didn't do what Walker said." Shay spoke.
"How do you know?"
"Cause Matt said he didn't do it." She replied as if it was the most obvious thing in the world.
"You talked to him?" Kelly asked, surprise filling his voice.
"Not me. Dawson." She spoke, Kelly turning towards the PIC.
"He spoke to you?" He questioned, Gabby swallowing thickly before nodding.
"He did. He told me what happened, and what Bryan said- it's not true. None of it."
"Thank God." Severide breathed out, Shay patting his shoulder. "How did you get him to answer you?"
"I, uh, went to his place and he let me in." She spoke, ignoring the smirk on Shay's lips.
"Really?" He asked, Gabby nodding. "Well, I'm a little surprised. I tried like twice to get him to let me in, but it doesn't matter- I'm just glad he talked to someone. So what happened there? What was Walker talking about?"
Gabby blew out a heavy sigh, glancing to Shay for some guidance, unsure of how to explain why Matt had told everything to her, but didn't want anyone else knowing. But before she had to answer, the bells rang out, calling 61 to their first call of the day.
"Sorry Kel, duty calls." Shay spoke, Gabby releasing a thankful breath. "Casey's here, somewhere, see if he'll talk to you now. He's worried people won't have his back, so maybe try and assure him that we will alright?" She told him before grabbing Gabby's hand, pulling her from the locker room.
Matt sat in his desk chair, facing the wall with a blank look on his face. From the moment he got to the firehouse a few minutes ago, his nerves had settled in his stomach like a rock, nearly making him sick. Despite the multiple reassurances from Gabby, he couldn't help but think things wouldn't go how she thought. He didn't know what to say to anyone, or how to face them, so the second he got into the garage, he snuck in through the side door, practically running to his office. He saw a few familiar faces from afar, but he didn't acknowledge anyone, Matt moving as fast as he could through the house. As soon as he got in his office, he shut the blinds and closed the door, Matt not feeling any relief until he knew he was safe inside.
He knew it wasn't practical, that he'd have to go out there sooner rather than later, but he couldn't work up the nerve to do it. The only thing running through his mind was his past experiences with this. He couldn't find it in himself to believe this house would be any different, and it was stressing him out. He could only imagine what was being said about him out there right now, what everyone was thinking and how they probably wouldn't know how to act around him. Despite knowing that the best thing he could do right now was to go out there and tell them it's not true, he couldn't work up the nerve to do it. He was worried. Worried that they wouldn't believe him, worried their opinions of him had already been forever changed. And he couldn't get past those nerves.
Matt knew sitting here psyching himself out would only make it worse, that he needed to calm himself down, but it was nearly impossible. He tried to focus on Gabby's reassuring words from last night and this morning, Matt letting them fill his mind to try and block out everything else. But it wasn't working. He needed something more, he needed to hear her words now.
He needed her.
Reaching into his jacket pocket, he dug out his phone before holding it in his line of sight, tapping on the screen until he found her contact. Just as he was about to call her, he heard the bells ring out, his body tensing at the thought of having to go out there.
When he heard it was only ambo, he felt a little bit of relief. Relief that he had more time to gather himself before having to approach everyone. But despite feeling his body relax knowing he wouldn't have to leave his office, he also knew that meant he wouldn't be able to speak to Gabby right now. He'd have to try and calm himself down on his own.
Gripping the armrests on his chair, he turned his attention to the stack of paperwork in front of him, Casey deciding if anything he could keep himself busy for the time being. It would be something to take his mind off of everything outside of this office for a little while.
He had only gotten started on one report when he heard tapping on his door, Matt freezing temporarily, his eyes moving towards the sound.
"Casey, it's me. Can we talk?" He heard Kelly's voice, Matt swallowing thickly before pushing himself up, repeating Gabby's words over in his head as he opened the door.
Kelly looked a little surprised, to say the least, when Casey opened the door, Severide taking in his friend's appearance. Wordlessly, Matt stepped aside, Kelly nodding before he stepped inside, Matt closing the door behind them. While Kelly stayed put against the wall, Matt moved back towards his desk, resting his weight against it as he crossed his arms over his chest.
"How are you holding up?" Severide asked, Matt sighing deeply before shrugging.
"I'm alright." He answered, although Kelly didn't buy it, but he knew better than to push it.
"So, everything Walker said…"
"It didn't happen. None of it's true." Matt spoke quickly, Kelly nodding assuringly.
"I know, man. I know you didn't do it." Severide could physically see tension leave Casey's body as he spoke, Kelly understanding exactly what Shay had been talking about when she said to make sure Matt knew they had his back. "Gabby told me you talked to her, and she said it didn't happen like that. I knew the minute Walker said it, it was bullshit, but the way you were acting, I just… I didn't know what to make of it."
"I know.. I'm sorry for not answering you I just- that whole mess, it isn't easy for me to talk about, or think about, and the last thing I was expecting was for Walker to bring it all up." Casey spoke, clearing his throat. "But everything that's said about me, it's not true. What actually happened is nowhere near what people say about me.."
"I believe you, Casey. I know you're not that kind of guy." Kelly responded, Matt nodding slowly. "But, uh… you were married?"
"I was, yeah." He breathed out, pursing his lips together. "That's the only part of what Walker said that's actually true. I was married, but I was never abusive. I never laid a hand on her, and I definitely didn't abandon my child… I don't have a child. And I didn't put anyone in the hospital. It's all lies." Matt spoke, his gaze falling to the ground. "The thing with that firefighter, he came at me. I was defending myself, and he fell. I'm not the one who sent him to the hospital. None of what he said was true."
"I believe you, Casey. If you say you didn't do it, you didn't do it." Kelly told him, Matt releasing a grateful breath. "But I'm sorry all this got brought up, man. Walker was an asshole for doing that." Even though he did want to know more of what happened, it was clear Casey wasn't going to offer up much more than what he had already. And he didn't want to push him.
Nodding slowly, Matt shrugged, his tongue running over his bottom lip. "What's everyone saying?" Casey asked softly, meeting Kelly's eyes.
"They're… confused. No one really knows what to think, but they just want to know what's going on. They have questions, but everyone just wants to hear your side of things." He answered, Matt nodding as he sucked in a deep breath. "But I'll deal with it. Until you're ready to talk, I'll set the story straight. Don't worry about them. Everyone here will have your back, Casey. No one really believes you could do something like this, they're just confused."
"I know I need to talk to them, I'm just… I've dealt with this before. No one ever trusts me again, and having to go out there and talk about it- I don't know, I guess I was hoping I'd never have to deal with this here."
"I don't know what you're dealing with, I can't imagine how hard this is, but when you're ready to talk, everyone's here. We all love you, Casey. You don't have to worry about that." Severide assured him, Matt flashing him an appreciative smile. "I'm gonna get out of your way, but if you need anything, at all, I'm here."
"Thanks Kelly."
After one more nod, Severide left the room, shutting the door behind him as he let out a heavy breath before heading out of the bunk room. With shift having just started, it wasn't a surprise to find most of the house in the common room. The second he walked in, Kelly noticed an uncomfortable feeling in the air, the same feeling that had been present when he first got in this morning, the same feeling that had filled Molly's after Walker's outburst.
"Welcome back, Herrmann." Severide spoke as he passed the couch, patting the older firefighter on the shoulder. "You feeling good?"
"Mhmm. I'm ready to go." He replied, Kelly giving him a nod before heading into the kitchen.
"So, is he here?" Kelly heard Otis' voice, Severide glancing over to see him talking to Cruz at the table.
"I saw him come in this morning, but he didn't say anything. I think he went straight to his office." Joe replied.
"This is crazy, I can't believe what Walker said-"
"You guys don't actually believe that bullshit, do you?" Severide cut in, gaining the attention of the entire room, catching Bryan's gaze from the table.
"You talking about Casey?" Herrmann spoke up from the couch, turning around to face them. Once getting a nod from Severide, Herrmann continued. "Do you know what happened, Severide? Cause I just don't see Casey being able to hurt someone, especially his wife.. Although I didn't even know he's married."
"He was, but he's not anymore. Casey didn't do anything, he never hurt his wife, he didn't put that guy in the hospital…" Severide replied, seeing some weary looks around the room. "Give him some credit, guys. We all know he's not capable of something like that."
"I never thought of him as someone like that, either, but Walker said-" Otis started, Severide rolling his eyes.
"Walker was drunk off his ass and pissed at Casey." Kelly shot back, catching Bryan's narrowed gaze. "He was running his mouth on things he knows nothing about."
"And how do you know Casey didn't do it? Just because he said it wasn't true?" Bryan fired back, standing up from his seat. "Why are you so quick to believe him? He doesn't deserve the benefit of the doubt, he's an abusive asshole."
"You don't know what you're talking about, Walker." Severide responded angrily, shaking his head.
"Like Casey would actually own up to beating his own wife and leaving his kid."
"I don't know what you're fucking problem is, but you need to leave Casey alone... You can't handle him reigning you in, and instead of dealing with it like a grown man, you spread rumors about him to try and... what? What are you trying to accomplish here?"
"I was trying to help you all out, let you know what kind of man he actually is. But still, even after everything he did, you're still siding with him. It's unbelievable."
"Because he didn't do it, Walker!" Kelly replied exasperatedly, pinching the bridge of his nose between his fingers. "Like come on guys, when Walker said that shit, did any of you actually think Casey could do something like that?" He asked, glancing around the room.
"No, I don't. But I just don't know what the story is." Herrmann replied. "Casey's a good guy, but clearly there's things about him we don't know-"
"Yeah, and he's not obligated to share every aspect of his past with us." Kelly interjected, everyone's eyes on him. "Guys, this is killing him. He didn't want you all knowing because his past has followed him around to every damn house he's been in, and ruined it. I know Walker can't help himself, and he saw an opportunity to make things hard for Casey and he took it, but come on, Matt isn't abusive. I know you all are confused, but at least give him the chance to talk to you guys."
"Of course we want to hear his side of things." Mouch spoke up. "We just wanna know what happened."
"It's not easy for him to talk about, he's really shaken up by all this. But all he needs from us is our support. He didn't do this." Kelly spoke firmly, his glare focused on Walker. Huffing out a breath, Bryan rolled his eyes before walking out of the room, Kelly watching him until he was out of sight.
Gabby climbed into the passenger seat of the ambulance, blowing out a deep breath as Shay sat next to her, the two having just finished dropping off their patient. As she fixed her ponytail, Gabby could feel Shay's eyes on her, the paramedic not having yet turned the rig back on.
"Alright, what's going on with you?" Gabby asked as she looked straight ahead.
"Hmm?"
"You've been acting weird since this morning, and you keep looking at me like you're gonna cry. What's going on? Is this about Casey?" Gabby asked, shifting in her seat to look at the blonde.
"No, no it's nothing about him."
"Well then what is it?"
Taking a deep breath, Shay pushed some loose hair behind her ear, meeting Gabby's eyes. "Can I… Can I ask you something? About Walker?"
Gabby's eyebrows furrowed in confusion, but she nodded nonetheless, unsure of what Shay was wanting to talk about.
"Did he- did Bryan ever… When Walker gave you that bruise, was that the first time something like that had happened?"
Gabby's face fell at the question, her demeanor turning rigid as Shay watched her.
"What?"
"Was he abusive?"
Gabby's arms crossed over her chest, the PIC angling her body away from Shay, shaking her head. "Why would you ask me that?" Gabby bit out sharply, Shay drawing in a deep breath.
"Something he said this morning, it made it seem like the thing at the diner wasn't the first time that happened."
"What are you talking about, you talked to Bryan?" Gabby asked, hundreds of different emotions flooding her system.
"This morning. He made some comment about how everything he did to you, you had it coming." Dawson's eyes fell closed, her hands clenching into fists as she kept her gaze away from her friend. "Has he hurt you before?" Shay eventually asked, her voice quiet.
"I thought I asked you to leave it alone." Gabby spoke up, ignoring the question.
"Gabby-"
"No, Shay. I asked you not to say anything about it, especially not to him."
"I'm sorry, but he was standing there, acting like such a dick. I know you asked me to leave it alone, and I'm sorry if I upset you but Gabby if he hurt you-"
"I'm fine, Shay." She cut in, the blonde's sad eyes flickering over Gabby's face. "Nothing happened. Please just drop it, alright?"
Buzzing in her pocket pulled Gabby's attention away from the conversation, Dawson pulling out her phone to see a text message from Matt.
'Can you come to my office when you get back?'
Releasing a heavy breath, Gabby sent him a quick reply before returning her focus back to Shay, seeing her friend's worried eyes on her.
"Shay, look," Gabby started, "I don't know what Walker told you, but I'm fine. He was probably just doing what he always does, getting upset in the heat of the moment. I appreciate your concern, but I'm fine." She covered, knowing this wasn't a conversation she could deal with right now. She wasn't sure if she could deal with it ever.
Shay wasn't convinced, but thankfully she dropped it, her partner nodding. "Alright. I'm sorry for bringing it up, and talking to Walker."
"It's okay." Gabby responded, shoving her phone into her pocket. "I know you're just looking out for me, and I appreciate it, I do. But I promise you, I'm okay." Shay eventually nodded, Gabby flashing her a small smile before the blonde put the rig in gear, heading back for the house.
Matt glanced back towards the door when he heard knocking, his muscles going rigid as the unknown visitor opened the door. But when Gabby poked her head in, he relaxed, a small smile coming to his face.
"Hey there." She spoke softly, the sound of her voice soothing his nerves as he nodded her in.
"Hey. How was your call?" He asked, Gabby opening the door wide enough for her to slip in before shutting it behind her.
"It was fine. Nothing serious." She responded, walking towards his bed, placing herself down on the edge. "You okay?" She questioned, seeing his leg anxiously bouncing up and down.
"Yeah, yeah I just- I'm trying to keep myself calm and it's not working." He admitted, Gabby flashing him a sympathetic look, nodding slowly.
"Have you talked to anyone yet?" She asked, pushing a strand of hair behind her ear.
"Just Kelly. He stopped by when you guys left." He answered, turning his chair to face her. "I know I need to go out there, the longer I put this off the harder it'll be.. but I guess I just need some more Gabby Dawson words of encouragement." He spoke with a small smile, Gabby grinning.
"Well, I'm happy to help. What's going on in there?" She asked, making herself comfortable as she put her hands in her lap.
"I'm just- I think I have to tell everyone the whole story, and it scares me." He spoke softly, Gabby hearing the same vulnerability in his voice that she heard last night, and this morning. "Telling you, that was one thing. But everyone? I don't know if I'm ready for that, but after what they heard, I feel like they deserve to know the truth."
"You tell them what you feel comfortable telling them." She replied, catching his gaze. "I'll be honest, I don't know how everyone's acting right now. I've only really seen Shay and Kelly, but what I do know is that no matter what happens when you talk to them, you've got me on your side. And Severide. And Shay. You've got people here who believe you." She told him. "This isn't gonna be like what happened at your old house, and the stations you've been at since. Trust me, I think Shay would threaten to quit if they tried to transfer you." Gabby spoke lightly, happy to see a smile fall onto his face. "But in all seriousness, I think once you talk to everyone, it'll make you feel better. If nothing else, you won't have to hide out in here anymore. You have nothing to be ashamed of, you didn't do anything wrong."
Matt nodded slowly, rubbing his hand over the back of his neck, blowing out a deep breath. "Yeah, I guess you're right… That's not bad advice."
"Well, I got it from you." She responded, Matt tilting his head to the side. "When you talked to me about Bryan cheating on me, you reminded me it wasn't my fault… So really you can thank yourself."
Matt released a soft chuckle, shaking his head before finding her gaze again, their eyes locking. The second his lips turned up into a soft smile, Gabby felt those same confusing flutters in her stomach like she had this morning. The same feeling she didn't understand as heat rose to her cheeks, the two unable to look away from one another.
Knocking on the door snapped them from their moment, Matt blinking furiously before turning towards the sound, Gabby's eyebrows furrowing as she glanced down, trying to get rid of this feeling in her gut.
"Casey?" Boden's voice filtered into the room, Matt sighing heavily, glancing back to Gabby just as she looked up at him, flashing him a supportive smile.
"Come in." Matt spoke, clearing his throat.
Chief opened the door, stepping inside. "Casey, I was wonder if we could- oh, hello Dawson." He spoke, confusion clear in his voice. "I didn't know you were in here." He continued, Matt standing up.
"Yeah, we were just talking. What do you need, Chief?" Casey asked, although he knew exactly what had brought Boden here.
With furrowed brows, Boden glanced back towards Dawson, placing his hands on his hips before speaking. "Dawson, can Casey and I have a moment?"
"Of course, yeah." She responded, pushing herself up from his bunk.
"Wait, Chief-" Matt started, stopping Gabby's movements towards the door. "If this is about the rumors about me… I'd rather Dawson stay." Matt saw the confusion in both Boden's and Gabby's eyes, but he ignored it, swallowing the lump in his throat. "She already knows everything, I'd rather her be here.. If that's what you're here for."
Glancing back and forth between Casey and Dawson, Boden soon nodded, closing the door behind him. "Alright, if you're fine with her being here." He spoke, Matt nodding, Gabby moving back to the bed. "I've gotta say, when I came in this morning and heard what was being said about you, I was shocked, to say the least." Boden started, Matt nodding as he crossed his arms over his chest. "But before we go any further, I'd like to hear from you what happened."
After one last supportive smile from Dawson, Matt began telling the Chief what happened. Gabby listened closely, Matt's thoughts much more coherent than they had been last night when he first told her. The information was all the same, but Matt was far less emotional than he had been before. She was a little surprised that he told Boden everything, after just having voiced his concerns, but she was glad he did.
Every so often, he would glance back to her, looking for some reassurance, which she gave him every time. She could see how upset he was, having to dive into his past all over again, but she was proud of him for doing it. She was proud of him for doing something she couldn't.
When it was all said and done, Gabby could tell Boden was at a loss for words. That he didn't really know what to say to man across from him.
"I… I had no idea any of that happened, I am very sorry Casey." Boden spoke eventually, Matt nodding slowly. "Does anyone else know?"
"Severide knows some of it, but other than you and Gabby, no. It's not something I really enjoy talking about."
"Are you gonna talk to the house?"
"I know I need to." Casey responded, blowing out a heavy breath. "I'm not sure how much I'm going to tell them, but they need to know something. I can't do my job here if they don't trust me."
"It's up to you what you want to tell them, and I don't want this to be something that messes with you here. But you're right, no matter what happened, if this becomes an issue with your ability to be a leader, there might not be anything I can do." Boden responded, shaking his head. "I am going to talk to Walker, though. I can't officially reprimand him because it happened off-shift, but I'm going to have a conversation with him."
"Thanks Chief." Matt responded, Boden giving him a nod.
"Do you think you're ready to talk to them now?"
Matt's eyes immediately went to Gabby, seeing her nod slowly, her gaze giving him a sense of comfort.
"Just give me a few minutes, then I can." He responded.
"Alright Casey. I'll get everyone in the common room, just come out when you're ready."
"Thanks Chief." He spoke again, Boden giving both him and Dawson a nod before leaving the office.
Releasing a heavy sigh, Matt turned his body towards Gabby just as she stood up from the bed, walking towards him.
"You sure you're ready?"
"I think I have to be. The longer this keeps hanging over my head, the worse it's gonna be." He breathed out, Gabby instinctively grabbing his hand for support.
"It's gonna be fine." She assured him, Matt nodding. Without saying another word, he leaned forward, wrapping his arms around her, holding his body to hers. She was surprised, at first, but soon reciprocated the action. She could feel the tension in his body slowly falling away, Gabby tightening her grip. She let him have the moment he so clearly needed, the two embracing in the peaceful quiet of his office.
She let him be the one to pull back first, seeing a small smile on his face as they separated.
"I know I keep saying it, but thank you for this. For all of it." He spoke softly, his hands resting over her arms. "I'm not sure if I would be getting through this if not for you."
A look of surprise covered her face, Matt's smile only growing as she swallowed thickly, their eyes locking once more. It took her a few moments to find her voice, Gabby shaking her head.
"You'd be fine. But I'm glad to help." She spoke, her voice barely above a whisper before she broke their eye contact, glancing down in between them to gather herself. "So, uh, are you ready?"
"I am." He answered, taking a deep breath. He ran his hands over her arms before dropping them, Gabby assuming he did that to calm himself down.
Without another word, they both moved towards the door, Gabby giving his hand one last squeeze before they moved out into the bunk room, Matt mentally preparing himself to face his friends.
And there's another one. I hope you guys enjoyed it!
Looks like things are getting… interesting between Gabby and Matt. And Shay seems to be catching on to things that happened between Gabby and Bryan in the past. There's definitely a lot left to come from that.
I'm so excited to hear your thoughts on this chapter! Thank you all so much for reading, your support means everything. The fact that this story is almost at 200 reviews is insane to me. I'm so thankful to all of you who read this, and who take the time to leave me a review. Seriously, it means so so much to me. Thank you.