WARNING: there is survivor's guilt followed by attempted self-harm. Its not gory, and its not the focal point of this chapter, but its here.
I wanted to give a big thanks to the readers who have commented as well as those who've followed and/or favorited this story. You all have much more patience than I, and you've motivated me to power through the setup funk. Before I started writing, I had all this information about my OCs and my AU, OOC Regulus, that I could just let the story fly in my head. It's been a struggle to layer that information into the setup with a natural flow. Good thing I don't need a natural flow in my author's notes! Gobbledy wobbledy! Narfus! Chocolate frogs!
Gwenwesley, I'm super excited to see her go to Hogwarts, too!
I'm done talking now
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Cali silently popped into the guest suite later that day as Sophia was working on arithmancy calculations for the upcoming months. The girl spun around quickly upon registering the internal cry of, " Mistress!"
Sophia fought an onslaught of fresh tears as she laid eyes on her precious house elf. Cali was all dressed up in her little self-made dress which was sporting wrinkles from having been nervously bunched in her hands. It took everything Sophia had not to break down again and tell the little elf what a mess she was in. As stern as she could, she said, "Cali, you're here. Reveal your presence aloud in the future; I don't like to be caught unaware. I trust that you've brought my things with you." She turned around to finish her purposefully wrong equation, effectively cutting off any notion of an affectionate reunion.
"Yes, Mistress." Cali understood that her mistress was speaking in code. Obviously there were monitoring charms placed on the room that her mistress didn't wish to disable and arouse suspicion. Cali, used to serving the highly secretive and cautious family, knew that the last Peverell was really saying, " Cali, not here. Don't reveal anything aloud unless further instructed; I want to keep them unaware. I hope you've followed the safety procedure." She, therefore, began unpacking clothes at a slow pace while she relayed information to her special mistress through her thoughts.
Cali is being so happy you is safe, Mistress Sophia! Oh, how Cali wishes she is hearing thoughts, too, so Mistress can tell Cali how she is really feeling. Cali is being a good elf. Cali is keeping all of the Peverell secrets warded with elf magic so bad wizards cannot be getting to it! From the Summer House, too! Cali also wards emergency bag she brings with her. Oh, but how is she giving Mistress the bag if Mistress is being watched?
Abraxas, instilled with the new parental feelings toward the young heiress, had removed the monitoring charm from the suite's bathroom out of respect for her privacy. Knowing this fact was to Sophia's tremendous advantage.
"I want you to set my toiletries in the bathroom over there as I plan to take a nice, long bath soon. When I'm done, you are to keep them in my bag until I am ready to use them again. I've been told we won't be staying here long, and you know I don't like clutter."
"Yes, Mistress." Cali is unsure what you is meaning, Mistress Sophia. If you is speaking the backwards speak like before, you is saying you want important things in the bathroom when you is not there, but that cannot be right. You is wanting them how you said, then. But what important things is you needing Cali to set out for you?
"Cali, tell me the truth. Did you sense anything before the attack? Could you have stopped any of it?"
The little elf's large eyes began to water and her bat-like ears drooped at the line of questioning. "No, Mistress, Cali only senses when Master and old Mistress gone. Then when Missy Sera gone. Cali could not stop it unless Master called for her and he did not." Sophia shared an anguished look with her at this statement. Mistress Sophia knows Cali could not help. You is saying something important! You is saying something about important things. Cali is trying to understand. Cali is trying to help her precious mistress. Is Mistress speaking the backwards speak again? Don't tell the truth? The no truth potion! Cali will be helpful this time! Mistress will be protected, yes she will! Cali will go put the no truth potion next to the washing soaps!
"Very well."
As Sophia sat lathering her silvery hair in the enormous bath sometime later, she inspected the small bottle filled with black liquid. The antidote to veritaserum – the no truth potion as Cali had dubbed it – had much the equal-opposite effects as the truth serum if ingested in excess; it would force the drinker to spout an endless string of lies about all sorts of topics. Sera had found it hilarious when their father first tested one drop too many on himself. Realizing she would never hear Sera's mischievous laughter again, Sophia quickly tried to dispelled that memory before it could fully form and submerged her head in the water.
A different image came to her mind then – one that would haunt her for the rest of her life; her little sister, on the floor, blood trickling from her mouth. In between bouts of the torture curse, their eyes meet. From Sera's mind, a plea – HELP ME!
Pushing against the water in order to remain where she was, Sophia released the air in her lungs. After a few moments, her chest began to hurt as it contracted, begging for air, and still she held herself under. She could feel her other muscles begin to tingle from lack of oxygen, and her head started to throb. Ringing filled her ears. Instinctual panic for survival finally took hold as the fuzzy sight of the lit sconces on the wall began to fold into darkness, and she broke the surface of the water gasping.
Sera. I'm sorry. And she wept. She wept in torment for her sister and her parents. She wept in anger over her actions both now and that night. That night which had transcended the definition of horror.
After stepping out of the bath, Sophia applied a drying charm and made her way to the mirror. She looked over herself, confused at the beauty she saw. Without the use of her metamorphmagus abilities, her hair was naturally silver; straight and smooth, like silk – like her father's. Her full, dark lips along with the minute smattering of freckles across her cheeks and the bridge of her nose contrasted perfectly with the pale complexion of her skin. Raven lashes surrounded striking eyes – cerulean blue that somehow transformed to a light sage closer to the pupil. While inspecting the rest of her body for blemishes or imperfections, she found only her recently fuller breasts, small waist, and long, shapely legs. Picture perfect.
It was wrong. She should be ugly. There should be a physical manifestation of her failure – of her cowardice. She morphed it with that thought in mind. Her skin became sickly gray with red pustules bunched in patches here and there. It shrunk in on itself until her ribs, spine, and hip bones protruded grotesquely. Her breasts deflated and sagged. She willed bags to form under her now too-small eyes. Where her long tresses once fell softly from her head down to her lower back, there stood damaged, uneven black bits of stuff that could barely be labelled as hair. Her straight, white teeth turned yellowish brown and crooked. The dark part of her mind was deeply appeased by the overall image as she savagely thought, there, now you look as week as you actually are. The rest of her was disgusted by the physical manifestation of her self-loathing.
Shifting back, she proceeded to step into her layers of clothing bit by bit. She rebuilt her mask and her composure as she went.
"Cali, I have some affairs to settle at the Ministry today. I haven't been told when I'll be leaving this residence for good so prepare for my call at any time."
.
Sophia obediently allowed the three drops to be placed on her tongue by the Auror present before assuming the blank unfocused expression of someone actually under the influence of veritaserum. Dissociation worked fine for her. They began with a round of test questions to assure the potion had begun its effects in her system, then proceeded with the real interrogation. She answered dutifully as a victim suffering from amnesia and, of course, had the head of Magical Law Enforcement apologizing and in her back pocket to use by the end of it all.
The next week past in a blur for Sophia. At night, she and Regulus tried their best to fine tune a plan that neither of them were comfortable with as there were so many things that could go wrong and very few options for contingency plans. When they would get too overwhelmed by the precarious situation they were now in, they would talk of real kisses and touches and dream of a safe world without threat. During the day she got more and more weary as Abraxis started talking of introducing her to her friends and one very important wizard in particular. She had so far been able to stave him off with the mourning of her family, but his mind told her the Dark Lord wouldn't be held off much longer.
On Friday morning, the Department of Magical Law Enforcement summoned Sophia with information about the attack on her family. The case was solved. She told Abraxis that she wanted him to wait in the atrium when they arrived at the Ministry. He reluctantly agreed out of respect for her privacy. When they told her it was a wand from a fairy tale that they were after, her face showed shock and despair, but she already knew. That was the only question they cared about that night. "Where's the wand?" It was burned into her mind.
After it was over, a young female Auror led her to the elevator which always zoomed around just fast enough to make Sophia nauseous, before stopping. "Wizangamot Council" sounded from the doors of the elevator before they opened to a large hallway. Before the witches reached the end, the Auror stopped and guided them to a door to the left labelled "Chief Warlock" and opened it.
"Have a seat. Someone will be with you shortly."
The room behind the door looked less like an office and more like a hippie lounge with oak lined designer furniture. What the fuck is this? Sophia surprised herself with her thought. She typically didn't believe in using improper language, even in her own head; that was usually more Sera's style. She always wanted Sophia to say things like that, and maybe now she would.
The walls of the room were covered with a paisley design and partially draped with deep purple fabric that sparkled with light like stars. No one was in the room then, so she sat on a chair and observed her surroundings. A very large lava lamp stood in the corner of the – she was not calling this an office – place, but the lamp held Magical creatures known as voltinas. They did resemble the bubbles of floating paraffin wax used in muggle lava lamps, and their luminescent bodies overrode the need for electricity which can't be used in highly magical locations like the Ministry. Voltinas live in water, are a-sexual and cannibalistic by nature so they had everything they needed in there. Sophia was impressed by this ingenious incorporation of the magical and muggle world. There was also a piece of parchment framed on the wall that named the usual occupant of the room.
She heard him coming before he stepped in. He was humming to himself as he walked down the hall. He absently thought that this would put her at ease, and she snorted at that because his aura of power could be felt from where she sat and it put her on edge. It also made her incredibly jealous that he didn't have to bottle it up like she did.
When he finally walked through the door, Sophia stood and faced Albus Dumbledore with an awed expression that she was sure he expected but that she didn't really feel. This was a potential threat in front of her just like every other person she'd met since she left the summer house.
"I've always found sweets to be an excellent remedy to most of pife's short comings. I've recently discovered a delightful muggle treat from America called Pop Rocks. Would you like some, Sophia?"
"Actually, I would. Thank you, Mr. Dumbledore."
He took a seat behind the desk after handing the pouch of candy to her. She knew what was coming next as he stared at her over half-moon spectacles. She calmly tore the top of the pouch and poured some of the rocks in the palm of her hand as her mind was invaded. It was annoying and offensive. And she could so easily scare the old man with her own ability, but she wasn't ready to reveal that little trick. Instead, she just confined his search to see only himself as she saw him then, not allowing him to go any further into her thoughts. He blushed at the knowledge that he'd been caught. Interesting.
"Excuse my rudeness. Curiosity got the better of me I'm afraid." His smile looked benign and a bit senile. "Your occlumency is quite advanced, Sophia. And feel free to call me Professor. I'm headmaster at Hogwarts, which reminds me," he pulled an envelope out of the inside pocket of his robe as he spoke and handed it out to her. It had a wax seal on it with the Hogwarts emblem. She knew as she opened it that it was her school letter.
She skimmed the letter as she spoke, "I've been trained from a very young age to hold onto my families secrets with my life, Professor. I could have showed you a bunch of fluff and things like my father telling me it isn't time to learn certain aspects of what we do and a lot of other nonsense, but I wanted you to know that I knew you were there, and that it's not polite to pry." She looked up at him then, "I'm not going to hold it against you, though, mainly because I know these are dark times here, and I believe you are on right side of things. As you can guess, I've been trying my best not to get myself killed. I'm tired of it. For all I know, whatever family I get shipped to next will be worse than the Malfoys. Can you help me?"
"My dear, you're much wiser than I anticipated. I'm sorry to tell you what I'm sure you already know, but I don't believe I or anyone else can offer you complete protection. Your terrible fall into this conflict as attracted everyone's eyes." Sophia's eyes pricked with real tears at the truth in his words. She really was on her own. He continued, "What I can offer you is reprieve from it at times, as well as a chance to fight for what's right. Are you willing to hear me out?"
The plan he laid out wasn't that far off from her own; she was to be a spy. His thoughts held more information than he told her, and she knew she'd never be trusted enough to know. She knew it'd be foolish to try and manipulate his mind like she did with Abraxis.
Tomorrow evening, a meeting of the Wizengamot will take place with Sophia present. Deputy Headmistress Minerva McGonagall will offer her home to Sophia. As Chief Warlock, Dumbledore will grant it, but to ensure her standing with the other side, she'll take a suitor from a family known to have ties with their leader, he calls himself Lord Voldemort, how ridiculous is that. If all goes well, she won't actually have to marry whatever ponce she gets strapped to.
Abraxis was furious that the Aurors didn't take her back to him immediately after their meeting with her, but she mollified him with lies of the Headmaster just wanting to briefly meet his new pupil and offer condolences. She wouldn't have told him at all, but it would have been difficult to explain receiving her Hogwarts letter at the DMLE.
"Since we're here, maybe we could venture out to Diagon Alley to acclimate myself to the public. Just a small trip. Would that be alright?"
This suggestion improved Abraxis's mood drastically, as he would be able to tell his Master that she was well enough for company. Sophia knew it was coming anyway and the idea was actually of genuine purpose this time. She had rarely been around a large crowd of people. It was going to be difficult but she needed to do it.
She expected the stares. Even if she didn't stick out with her appearance and Abraxis's presence, her face and story was all over the Prophet. She morphed her hair black but that didn't stop anything. Flashes of cameras. Whispers. Pitying glances. At least I'm able to block out their thoughts, not that they're trying very hard to hide them. There were a few things she enjoyed seeing. Children shopping for school with their parents. Flourish and Blotts bookstore. Sophia and Abraxis were coming out of just that store when they heard a grating voice speak out from the street.
"Abraxis Malfoy."
"Walburga Black. How lovely to see you."
"I was wondering when you'd bring young Sophia out into the world. Did you receive my owl?"
"I did. We have received quite a few owls of the like, howe-"
"Well obviously others couldn't hold a candle my Regulus. Let the girl be the judge if you must. I see he's coming out now. Regulus!"
Sophia registered the name like déjà vu. Her heart started to pound and her stomach made an excited leap. She turned to see the owner of the name and found beautiful gray eyes staring directly at her own.