An opinion, a party, and the thing that should not have happened

"Talk to Jim" Brian had said

Of course, that was much easier said than done.

And when the cameras came back after the summer break, she had not.

She hadn't seen Brian either, after that way too friendly breakup over burgers, and Pam had just spent some very boring weeks, in which she went over her notes on the people of the office, as if she could find an answer there as to what to do.

For better or worse, production had seen some future in the things they had filmed, and were willing to invest in more of that. Which meant Pam still had a paying job as an actress. Still, when Roy knocked at her door with two beers and the happy news, she didn't really feel as happy and she should have. Only when he left, after spending half an hour imagining aloud what their storyline would be, Pam had to admit that her life would've been so much easier if the show had been canceled.

Poorer, yes, but easier.

Maybe the answer was just to quit the show, quit acting, quit everything, and settle on being a receptionist for the rest of her life. It was a very discouraging thought, except for the fact that it would give her the freedom she currently didn't have to just interact with Jim.

"Cameras make you weird, you know?" his voice, and the laughter lingering in it, made her almost gasp.

"They don't," she protested.

"They do, too," he retorted, playing with a green jellybean between his fingers. "You look happier when they're not around. Friendlier, too."

He was right, of course. At least in this particular stage.

"Huh," she said, as if she was considering his words. "I guess… they make me want to look busier?"

"Career driven?" Jim suggested.

Pam looked around at the place that summarised her career as a receptionist. "Sure," she said, with a hint of sarcasm.

"So… are you… free for lunch today?" he asked after a moment of silence.

"Yeah… but I brought my own lunch."

"Yeah, that's ok… I mean, would you join me? In my car or somewhere?"

Pam blinked for a moment. Jim was looking a little worried and she couldn't really tell why. It wasn't the cameras, currently getting a talking head from Michael. But maybe it was the cameras, and he just wanted to be sure they were out of earshot.

"We can do that," she agreed.

"I'd like your opinion on something and… I don't want… I'd like to keep it between us."

"Sure."

Jim's car was not the most comfortable of places to have lunch, but Pam didn't mind. As many other times before, she had told herself that this was just friendship, wrong enough as it was, but that it couldn't mean anything at all. And yet, she couldn't help but enjoy it.

"So…" Jim said after a moment of comfortable silence. "Those documentary guys have called me."

"They- what?" Blood seemed to have frozen inside her veins. They hadn't say-

"Weird, huh?" he nodded, not looking upset at all. Just puzzled. "They wanted to know if I could throw a party or something like that."

Pam frowned. That was unusual. "A party? What for? Is it your birthday?"

"No, no. Just… you know… something like an after office thing. They would like to film us outside the office, they said it'll make for a nice change. And maybe some people, with some alcohol, would behave… I don't know, more interestingly?"

She chewed for a moment, pretending to consider it all. Of course, it made sense. There was no way of getting them all drunk inside the office, and a public place could inhibit some of their colleagues. "And what have you said?"

"I said I'd think about it."

"Why?"

"Dunno. Doesn't it feel like losing all privacy if they showed up and filmed your place?"

"That's what you said when we first signed the contracts."

"And I stand by it. It feels weird."

Pam took a sip from her soda to gain some time and order her thoughts a bit.

"You could say no."

"I can, but then again, is it such a big deal? What would you do?"

She thought about her apartment. The apartment that she should be sharing with her fiancé and was, instead, a small single person place. But then again, if she were in Jim's place would she feel better? Freer somehow?

"Why would you say yes?"

"Oh, I didn't tell you that. It'll mean some extra money. They'll pay for the booze and food. Maybe repaint the living room a bit. You know… And there will be another contract. Just for that night, so that they won't be allowed to snoop around without me knowing."

"Not bad."

"Not bad," he echoed.

"I'd like to have a grill or something at your place," she heard herself saying before she could stop herself. Was that part of what Pam the receptionist was supposed to say? Pam the engaged receptionist? Because it sounded more like some flirty Pam that really ought to not exist. "You know, with everybody outside the office," she hastened to add.

"Yeah… it could be fun. I could get a karaoke machine."

"Really?"

"Yeah, for the laughs. What do you think?"

"I suck at karaoke but I could clap."

Jim chuckled. "I guess that won't be half bad."

It wasn't half bad. It was a complete set up for several things all at once. First of all, Roy had been explicitly asked not to go, which to Pam meant that production had not yet given up on stirring something between her and Jim. Sure enough, when Ryan had asked about the purse girl, Jim had confirmed he hadn't called her in a while.

Maybe Katy could be Ryan's love interest and that could keep production entertained enough that they would give Jim a break? Pam would keep her fingers crossed.

But the main thing they were doing had been asking Jim not to invite Michael. Jim had protested, he felt that was mean, but they had pressed, saying that Michael would eventually show up, and he had agreed. They would have more of those cringey takes, Pam was sure.

And then there was this strange suspicion she had… was it possible that serious and foreboding Angela was having something with Dwight? If they were, they were being very clever hiding it from production. They had not a clue, or they would've asked Pam for particulars. Or maybe they did know something, and had finally given up on trying to get information from Pam? And if that was the case, were they planning on catching them at Jim's?

Still, and even though this was a job and she was going to be paid extra for the night, Pam was trying to convince herself that she should just relax. Enjoy some time off work. Talk to some of the people outside the office. Get a beer or two.

And of course, that was her mistake. She never got drunk enough to act openly stupid, but those two beers made her bold, and indifferent to the fact that she was being followed by the cameras when she entered Jim's room and started looking at his stuff. If it was weird or not, she didn't care. If production would take this as new flirting between her and Jim, she didn't care.

So she flirted, and Jim responded, and it was fun and easy, and filled her with longing for a better life. A real life.

It felt as if it had been enough, though. Her eyes travelled to the board over Jim's desk and rested on a small figure hanging from the neck. Was it wearing a warehouse uniform? Was it possibly-? No, Pam shook her head, and took the last gulp from her beer as she and Jim joined the rest of the office downstairs.

The karaoke machine proved to be a success, and everybody, even Stanley, seemed to be having a good time. And that's when Pam remembered. Dwight and Angela were nowhere to be seen. Had they left already? Maybe together?

At her side, Phyllis was humming to the rhythm of the song.

Maybe this was it. Maybe, if Pam could make this plan of hers work, and direct the cameras to Angela and Dwight. Why didn't she feel guilty for putting them under the microscope was something she was not ready to dwell on. But she needed more information. She needed a solid lead.

Casually, she leaned towards Phyllis. "Have you heard anything about any secret office romances or-?"

The older woman beamed. "You tell me. You do mean you and Jim, right?"

Pam almost gasped, and her heart did a funny jump. "Oh, God." One thing was the production noticing; they were analyzing their every move. But Phylis, who sat with her back towards them…

She looked flustered. "I'm so sorry," she stuttered. "I mean, I thought, you guys hang out all the time, and you're talking all the time- And I'm sorry. I-"

"Oh, it's okay, it's okay." Pam said as dismissively as she could.

And then she stopped talking for the rest of the night.

Maybe Phyllis was especially observant. Maybe they were too obvious. Whatever it was, there was no delaying of it. She needed to talk to Jim.

It was easier than she thought it would be. She half-buried her jacket between the cushions of the couch, called for a taxi, and left with all the guests and the camera men. Five blocks later, she asked the driver to stop, "sorry, I forgot something."

Shivering a little, and trying to casually hide in the shadows in case one of the cameramen was lingering behind, she made her way back to Jim's. The lights were still on, but the only car outside was his. Well, she was going to try. If somebody else was there, she would just pick her jacket and call for another taxi. If not…

Well, Pam thought. To some extent, this was going to be improv at its finest.

"Hey, Pam!" Jim beamed at her as he opened the door, a large bag of trash in his hand. "Long time no see!"

"Hey… sorry, I forgot my jacket."

"Oh, come on in," he said, moving to the side. The living room was empty and it was clear Jim had been in the process of picking up empty bottles and plates. "I haven't seen it…"

Pam looked around, as if she had no idea where it could be. She even made a point of climbing up the stairs to Jim's room. As she suspected, the house was empty.

"So… what happened to you roommate?"

"He offered to take his girlfriend home, and I think that's an excuse to leave me with the trash."

"I can help you," Pam said.

"Really?"

"Yeah, get me another bag."

In the process of picking up plates, she thought about what she was about to say. How to make it sound casual? How to convey the fact that she didn't want to trick him? That she was bound by a contract? And that, above it all, she didn't mean any harm?

As the living room and the kitchen became cleaner, she couldn't come up with anything solid. Just say it, seemed to be the answer. Just as she was finishing with the last of the plates that had been left outside, Jim joined her and handed her an open beer.

"Here, you've earned it," he said, holding one himself.

Both sat on the deck, and for a moment the only sound was the bottles on the wood.

"I had fun tonight," Pam finally said.

"Yeah, it was good." Jim agreed, his arm brushing hers as he lifted his bottle. "I'm glad Michael made it, in the end. Even though he's crazy."

"He is definitely crazy."

"Not a bad guy, though."

Pam just nodded. Now or never. "Jim…"

"Yeah?"

She turned around to face him, and was suddenly surprised he was so close. "There is something I've wanted to tell you…"

"Yeah?" he repeated, his voice encouraging.

"It's… well… when I started working at Dunder Mifflin I really didn't imagine I'd get to meet someone like you." That was honest, that was a start. "And… well, it was just a job. You know?"

Jim just nodded. With a slow movement, he left the bottle at his side. "When I first met you I didn't think you'd be as fun as you are, to be honest."

"Well, thanks, I think?"

He chuckled, and his hand cupped her cheek, slowly. "You're fun," his finger traced her cheek, "and pretty, and so clever…"

As he leaned forward, Pam felt as if her brain just stopped working. The only thing that was real right then was Jim's warmth, his lips barely touching hers, and then his other hand on her back, pulling her towards him.

During the long office hours, she had dreamt more than once what it would feel like to be kissed by Jim. She had seen his hands, tapping on her desk, and she had imagined they were warm and careful. The reality was surpassing all her fantasies. Without really thinking about it, she was kissing him back, her heart jumping wildly on her chest, and her hands clutching his sweater.

It felt good and it would've been so easy to just give in, and forget all about truths and contracts. But then Jim stopped kissing her for a moment and reality kicked in, screaming warnings inside her head.

"I'm… I can't believe I just did that," he said, and he looked so honest and sincere, Pam hushed all the inner voices and softly took his fringe from his eyes with the tips of her fingers. How many times she had thought about that precise gesture, and how amazing it was that she could just do it.

She was the one approaching him this time, without a word, and kissed him again.