Chapter 5. The Confession

After the overlook, when Julia and Nathan got back up and situated on Newton, they were both more relaxed. She leaned back a little more onto his chest, and he held her a little tighter. She was more comfortable and he was more confident. Both could tell the difference, but neither said a word. Something had changed between them. They rode on for a few more hours. By the time they arrived back in Hope Valley, she was leaning back so much into him, he had begun to wonder if she were asleep.

Nathan and Julia rode into town just after 8 a.m., when the town was all hustle and bustle, and so many people were on the street. Florence was on the porch of the mercantile, and her chin was almost on the floor, as she watched them walk by on Newton. Molly was coming out of the café and nearly fell down the stairs, watching them on the horse, together. By the time the realization hit Nathan, it was too late. He wished he had thought this part through and had dismounted before they came into town. Nathan could have saved them both the embarrassment, and walked Newton the rest of the way. Julia realized the sight they must be for onlookers, and knew her cheeks must exactly match the color or his serge. She glanced back at him and he saw the worry in her eyes. Nathan felt now was better than never, so in one fell swoop, he was on the ground. Julia swung the reigns over her head and half threw them back to him, suddenly afraid to even touch him.

When they arrived in front of the infirmary, Nathan extended his hand to help her, but Julia swung down without his help. When she hit the ground however, her legs ached and threatened not to hold her. Julia looked up at him in distress, and understanding, Nathan caught her under her elbow.

"Woooah, now, take your time." Nathan whispered. She grimaced, her face on fire. Her uncomfortable gaze was only met by his charming, crooked smile, and pure amusement in his eyes.

"You are enjoying my embarrassment a little too much. It must be the highlight of your day." Julia sassed under her breath.

Nathan laughed from his gut, and whispered, "The highlight of my year, actually." He was sure he heard her audibly huff then, and with a determined face, she was off to the infirmary, without even looking back. Nathan tied up Newton, and followed her in.

When she entered, Julia was met by some of the kindest eyes she had ever seen. "Good morning. You must be Julia? Is it ok if I call you Julia?"

"Yes, of course. And you must be Minnie?" Julia deduced.

Minnie smiled and said, "Yes, and I'm so grateful to all of you for taking such great care of my Joseph. He's sleeping now, and doing well. Faith says I have the two of you to thank, that he's doing so well already." Minnie said, looking back and forth between Nathan and Julia. "She was able to set the bone and stitch him up quite quickly." Minnie wrapped Julia in a warm hug. Then, she went to Nathan and did the same. Then, Minnie excused herself and returned to sit with Joseph.

Julia went and spoke with Faith, to check in and get an update. The bone set easily, and the stitching was a snap, even despite the swelling. Faith thought it best to wait a few days before the casting, to allow the swelling go down. So, for the moment they would leave the splint.

Julia hadn't realized that Nathan was standing directly behind her, until Faith looked back and forth between them. She told them, "You both look very tired, go home and get some rest. I insist. And Julia, maybe you can check back in the afternoon?"

Julia nodded, and it hit her just how tired she felt. She looked up at Nathan, and realized he also looked very tired.

"Thanks, Faith. But if you need anything, please don't hesitate, I'm just next door." Julia replied.

"Good day, Constable." Julia said to Nathan as she turned and headed through the adjoining door to her apartment.

"Good day, Jules." he answered her. She started to turn back towards him, to see if she had heard him right. But, she was just too tired to care. One quick turn of the knob, a few small steps, and Julia was in her bed. She wasn't sure she had even closed the door behind her…

It was nearly 2 p.m. before she woke up. Julia couldn't believe she had slept so long, but she had been extremely tired. She made an effort to sit up, but her legs and buttocks were so sore, she decided against it. Instead, she managed to roll herself off the side of the bed, and stand up, though not without moaning in pain. Julia thought a hot bath was just the thing, so she put a pot of water on to boil. She soaked for a long time, and had lots of time to think.

Julia reflected on the last 16 hours when much had happened. Had she really sat up half the night talking so easily with a handsome Mountie? She was usually shy to converse with strange men, so it had come as a total surprise how comfortable she felt with Nathan. Not only had they talked, but they had talked a lot. She couldn't ever remember having such a long conversation with any of her friends in Calgary, any of her co-workers, and certainly not with any of the men who had tried to court her.

And she and Nathan had laughed. Julia could not remember the last time she had laughed like that.

Julia sat in the bath, remembering the sky. Oh, the amazing colors of the sky. She had never seen so many different hues of red, gold, orange, or yellow. And the way those colors had shone on Nathan's face, she didn't think she would soon forget that image. And, had he really quoted Emerson, just after she had quoted Keats? She would never have thought him a fan of literature. He had seemed so rugged and masculine, but when she felt apprehensive about riding, he had spoken so gently to her. He obviously had a soft, sensitive side, and she was at a loss.

When he lifted her up to the saddle, or carried his side of the stretcher, it was obvious he was very strong. She had felt his muscles firm on her back as they rode. And, his arms were gentle yet strong at her waist as he held the reigns. She felt completely protected and safe.

Julia thought of the beautiful terrain they had covered, once the sun had risen. Maybe Nathan was just like the wilderness that they rode through, so many mysteries to discover.

One thing she knew for sure, she needed to put some distance between herself and the Mountie. Or she was in deep trouble. Julia wasn't sure how he felt about her, but something he said made her cautious. Had he really called her Jules, when they parted ways?

Julia washed and pulled herself out of the bath, feeling much better. She dressed, brushed her hair and teeth, and made herself ready. Then it hit her just how hungry she was. She went to the kitchen and found some bread and cheese, and sat at he table to eat a bite. After she finished eating, she took her bible from next to the bed, and turned to where she had left off yesterday.

Isaiah 43, verse 18-19: "Remember not the former things, nor consider the things of old. Behold, I am doing a new thing; now it springs forth, do you not perceive it? I will make a way in the wilderness and rivers in the desert."

Forget the former things. A new thing is springing up? Why this verse, today of all days? And, Julia completely froze at that last part. Hadn't she just compared Nathan to the wilderness? She closed her bible and nearly threw it on her bed. She felt the sudden need to go for a walk.

Julia took off out the back door towards the pond. She walked briskly, paying no attention to the soreness in her legs, needing to clear her head. She heard children laughing as she passed the school house. Instead of continuing up the path, she decided to continue around the pond. As she came back around the far side, she found a cute little dock. She stood there a while looking out at the water. Julia wanted to ask God for guidance, but she was so afraid of what His answer would be. So, she decided not to ask yet. She started back towards her apartment, enjoying the sunshine and the beauty of this charming little town. Julia was calmer now and walked slower on the way back.

Back in her apartment, Julia put on her nurses apron, pinned up her hair, and slipped quietly through the adjoining door to the infirmary. The curtain was pulled tight, so she assumed Joseph was sleeping. Without a sound, she went over to the desk and sat down.

Though, Julia realized too late that someone was actually behind the partition, visiting with Joseph. She didn't want to eavesdrop but she was stuck now. She was afraid to try to slip out and be discovered.

"Adversity is a part of life, and it can come at us from many angles. But, if we allow the Lord to use that adversity for our good, he will, and he will use it to make us stronger. God uses everything for our good, even the bad things in our lives. We just have to let him. It's not always easy, but it's a fact of life." It sounded so much like something a Pastor would say, Julia knew that must be Joseph speaking.

"But, how can I be sure I have forgiven?" Her eyes became as big as saucers as she recognized that voice. She knew that voice. It was the voice that, up on the mountain, had been so soft and gentle. A voice that had encouraged her and inspired her. Nathan. Julia stood, trying to find anyway out of there, but decided it was too risky and sat back down again, as quietly as possible.

"When someone hurts us, we must forgive. Sometimes, in order to see new possibilities, we need to let go of the old things that hold us back. Sometimes in order to let go of those old things, the key is forgiveness. We can't let go of the former things until we have forgiven. And the new thing cannot come to us, until we have let go of the former things." Her mouth fell open, and Julia was convinced that Joseph must be on the same reading plan as she. No way he could have known that she had read that verse not even an hour before. It was too much of a coincidence.

"Joseph, how will I know when I've let go?" Great question, Nathan, she thought to herself. Julia was ready to hear the answer, for herself.

"Nathan, you will just know. You may not always feel ready up here," he paused, and Julia imagined that Joseph must be pointing to his head, "but you will know it in your heart. And, then you will be ready to move on. How was your time with the new nurse? I'm sorry I wasn't more awake up there, but Minnie said she might have seen something there, between you two?" Julia's heart was beating so loud in her chest, she was sure Nathan could hear it from across the room.

Nathan answered Joseph. "Well, we have only just met, but from my side, there is definite chemistry. I don't have a natural ease around women, especially beautiful ones, and she is certainly very beautiful. But in this case, I have to say, it was very easy to talk to her. And, I even surprised myself by how much I talked and how much I was willing to share. I think it's about the easiest I've ever talked to any woman." you and me both, she thought to herself. Julia couldn't believe Nathan thought her beautiful. She thought he was the most handsome man she had ever laid eyes on.

Joseph continued, "That's great, Nathan. You have no reason to be nervous. You are a great man, of honorable and noble character. Someday, someone is going to truly see you and love you for who you are. And, I think it's a great sign that you were able to talk to her. You are moving in the right direction." Joseph encouraged.

Julia felt so guilty about being there, eavesdropping, that she stood up again, attempting once again to sneak out. However, when she did, her skirt touched a pencil, causing it to roll off the desk and hit the floor. At the noise, Nathan, tall as he is, stood and peered over the partition, and she was caught red handed. His eyes went wide as he realized she'd overheard. With a furrowed brow and worried eyes, Julia mouthed the words "sorry" to him, and fled out the door.

When Nathan was all finished with Joseph, there as only one way out. He exited the infirmary, and Julia was sitting on the bench just outside, waiting. She stood up as soon as he came out, nervously fidgeting with her fingers, a worried look on her face.

"Nathan, I'm so sorry. Please believe me when I say I didn't mean to eavesdrop. I didn't know anyone was in there when I arrived, I thought Joseph was asleep. I snuck in quietly to work on paperwork, and by the time I realized Joseph had a visitor, it was too late. I was stuck." Julia looked at the ground, "I didn't mean to overhear such a private conversation." her voice low and apologetic.

Julia finally met his gaze, but hated the way he was looking at her, his face all confused and embarrassed.

"I feel…horrible." she whispered, with much accent on the horrible.

Nathan didn't know what to say, so he just nodded, looked down, and then strode around her to leave.

"Nathan. wait." Julia gently grabbed his arm as he went past, and then turned to face him. Nathan looked down at her hand on his arm, and he turned halfway back. Julia let out a huge breath trying to slow her racing heart. She made her own confession, "For what it's worth, I'm a lot like you, not comfortable around new people, and usually not very talkative. Quiet, my teachers used to say. But with you, it was different for me, too." Julia paused as she looked up directly into his eyes. "I really enjoyed talking and laughing with you, too." And, with that revelation, she disappeared into the infirmary in a rush of sandy blond curls.