BLUE MILK AND MOUSE DROIDS

Luke knocked on Leia's door very early in the morning. When there was no answer, he pressed his finger on the buzzer, not letting up until the door slid open, revealing a frazzled looking Princess in a thick bathrobe, her hair wrapped in a large towel.

"Just WHAT do you THINK you're - oh, it's just you," she snapped, turning around and hurrying away from the doorway.

Her brother quickly followed behind, carrying a package. "Who did you think it was?"

"Han."

"Han? The same Han that you're getting married to in four time parts? That Han?"

Leia stopped so fast and spun around to face Luke that he almost ran into her. "Yes," she growled out. "Why?"

"Well... you just seem a bit testy toward someone you're getting married to in a few time parts," he pointed out, backing away from the lasers that seemed to be shooting out of her eyes. "Are you two having a fight on your wedding day?"

"NO!" she yelled, and then repeated in a softer tone. "No... we're not arguing. I just told him it's an Alderaanian tradition for the groom not to see the bride, and he keeps bothering me anyway. He can be such a nerf." She glared at Luke again. "You're supposed to be making sure Han gets ready. Why are you HERE?"

"Chewie's the Best Man, err, Wookiee," Luke argued. "Isn't that his job?"

Leia rolled her eyes. "Right. Sure. Chewie's been Han's friend for too long, he's corrupted. If Han's late, or dressed wrong, it's your fault, brother."

"My fault," Luke mumbled. "Everything is always my fault..."

"Oh, quit it. You sound like Threepio," Leia said, smirking. "So, why are you here, anyway?"

Luke had almost forgotten the reason he'd come over. Smiling, he held up his package. "I came to give you this."

Frowning, Leia took the small carton and opened it up, peering inside. "What is it?"

"Milk. Blue milk."

"Why?"

"Well, according to Tatooine tradition, the bride and the groom are both suppose to drink a glass of blue milk before they get married," Luke explained to his sister.

"Why?"

"I don't know," Luke replied, exasperated. "It's just a tradition. Why does Alderaanian tradition say the groom can't see the bride?"

"Why would I have to drink blue milk?" Leia shot back. "I'm not from Tatooine."

"Fine," Luke said, snatching back his milk, irritated. "Don't drink it. See if I care."

Obviously, he cared enough that Leia had managed to offend him. "Give me that blue milk!" the Princess yelled, grabbing it back and stalking off into the kitchen with Luke rushing behind her. She promptly poured a large glass and gulped it down. It tasted completely disgusting, but Leia held her breath and finished it anyway. "There. Are you happy now?" She put the lid back on and shoved it back at Luke.

"Yes," Luke said, beaming. "Thank you."

"Get out of my apartment, brother. Now!"

Han was sitting in a chair, a cold compress against his forehead, when Luke came barging onboard the Falcon.

"Hi, Han!"

"Shut up," the Corellian muttered, not taking the compress off his eyes.

"You should be getting ready," Luke pointed out helpfully. "It's only three time parts until your wedding."

"I'm gonna kill Lando and Wedge," Han whispered. "Just as soon as I can move out of this chair."

"They didn't make you drink and play cards all night," Luke pointed out cheerfully. "I told you not to get drunk. You should have listened to me. Getting drunk before your wedding night is stupid, anyway."

"It's not stupid... it's a Corellian tradition. I'm gonna add you to the list of people I'm gonna kill if you don't shut up."

"Anyway," Luke continued, unfazed by the death threat. "I'm going to go get a glass and pour you some blue milk."

The Corellian didn't respond so Luke hurried into the galley and grabbed a cup, then poured the milk. When he returned, Han hadn't budged, so Luke poked his shoulder with his finger. "Here, have a glass of milk."

That inspired Han to move the cloth slightly. He cracked one eye open, looking up at Luke. "Why, in all the hells of Corellia, would you think I want milk? Is this some sort of hangover cure?"

"It's a tradition on Tatooine for the bride and the groom to drink a glass of blue milk before they walk down the aisle. Leia drank it, so now you have to, too."

"Drink it yourself," Han replied, putting the cloth back over his eyes.

"HAN! You have to!"

"Quit yelling!" Han yelled. "I ain't drinking no blue milk, 'cuz I ain't from Tatooine, and I hate milk of any color."

"It doesn't matter... if you don't, I'll... I'll..."

By this time, Han had removed the cloth and jumped to his feet, glaring down at his Jedi friend. "What'll you do?"

Luke backed away, looking a bit nervous. "I'll tell Chewie?"

"Drink it yourself," Han repeated, then started down the corridor. "I have to start getting ready for the wedding."

"But..." Luke tried to argue. Frowning he raised the milk to his lips and took a sip...then promptly spat it back out. "Yuck!" He looked in the cup, then gave it a sniff. "When did this turn sour?"

Threepio peered down at the two dozen mouse droids, all scurrying around the huge banquet hall. "Artoo, I must say, those droids don't appear to have any idea how to properly clean this carpet. They are leaving dust all over, and it's only two time parts until the big event."

"Areebeepee."

"Princess Leia will be most displeased if her wedding is ruined by a dusty carpet. We should be doing our part to make this day go smoothly, don't you agree?"

Artoo gave a suspicious warble at his golden friend.

"I just think we, and by we I mean you, should reprogram these droids, so they understand the importance of a clean floor."

"Wreereeoo."

"I will gather them up, plug them in to a control socket. You can take it from there," Threepio replied, hurrying off after one of the mouse droids. "You... I said, you there! Stop at once!" The little droid spun around, nearly tripping the protocol droid as it headed in the opposite direction. "I say..." Threepio called out, as he turned around and followed it. "Stop, you worthless little..."

Winter carefully braided the Princess's long chestnut locks while Leia felt herself getting sicker and sicker. "I'm going to throw up," she finally said.

Winter looked at Leia's face in the reflector. She did appear rather ... greenish. "It's just nerves, Leia. All brides get nervous."

"I don't feel nervous... I feel nauseated."

"Maybe it's something you ate," she suggested. "Or drank."

"Like blue milk," Leia said, putting her hand up to her lips and gagging.

"Blue milk?"

Leia jumped to her feet and ran toward the refresher. "I'm going to kill Luke," she managed to say right before the door slammed shut.

"There!' Threepio declared, sounding very pleased with himself. "All the mouse droids are plugged in so now you can fix their programming."

"Veerreebbee," Artoo protested loudly.

"Of course you can reprogram them! How hard could that possibly be? Do you want to have Master Han and Mistress Leia's wedding day ruined by dust?"

Reluctantly, the little droid plugged his 'arm' into the control socket, then made some adjustments. The little mouse droids all started beeping and shaking at once, trying to pull free of the plugs.

"Artoo!" Threepio said, thunking the little astromech droid on top of his dome. "What are you doing? I said reprogram them, not kill them!"

The blue and white droid gave a long series of beeps and moans at his tall partner, protesting that he was doing the best he could, under the circumstances.

"Your best? This is your best? I am very disappointed in you, Artoo. Deeply disappointed."

Artoo pulled his 'arm' out of the plug, and rolled away, still beeping in protest.

"Artoo! Where are you going? These droids still need to be reprogrammed!" Threepio yelled after his friend.

"Blleeppeeppo!"

"Reprogram them myself?" Threepio asked, drawing back in surprise. "How rude!" He turned his yellow photoreceptors down at the lined up mouse droids. "Well, I guess I will have to do it myself... just like always."

"Where is Han?" Lando asked, looking around the Falcon's hold. "Someone must have kidnapped him, and replaced him with this imposter."

"Very funny, Calrissian," Solo growled out, trying to adjust his necktie. "I hate formal wear. I look like an idiot."

"No you don't," Lando argued. "You look suave... like me."

"Like I said... an idiot." Han sat down, tugging on his newly polished boots over the light gray slacks. "I don't know why we couldn't have just had a small wedding. No, we can't do that," Han said, making his voice high and whiny. "Leia's a princess, and an icon of the New Republic. So we have to put on the wedding of the century." He glared over at the silent Wookiee. "Those are the exact words of Mon Mothma, I'll have you know."

*It's just one day, cub. It will be over soon,* Chewie woofed.

"I know..." Han shook his head. "I still wish we could just have gotten married in front of a few friends, and not the entire galaxy. Do you know Leia's gotten dozens of wedding proposals since we announced our engagement? All those guys think they could be a better husband than me, an' they don't even know her."

"You've gotten a few proposals yourself, Han," Lando pointed out. "It's not like Leia's looking for someone else. Although I don't know why she's not."

"Funny, Calrissian. You're just a barrel of laughs today."

They turned their heads as Luke rushed into the hold. "Leia's sick!"

"Sick?" Han asked, leaping up, his eyes wide with concern. "How sick?"

"Winter just comm'd me. She said she was pretty sick. That blue milk might've been kinda bad."

"WHAT?"

Luke backed away, holding up his hands. "I didn't know... it's not my fault!"

Winter held the damp cloth against Leia's forehead as they sat in the refresher. "Are you feeling any better?"

"A little," she replied, holding her stomach. "What time is it?"

"Nearly one," Winter replied. "Can you still go through with this?"

"I'm getting married today if it's the last thing I do." Leia stood up, swaying a bit. "Get me in that dress, Winter. Solo might have had some close calls in his life, but this is one time he's not escaping. I'm soldering those chains of matrimony around his neck so tight, he won't be able to breath without my permission."

"That's the spirit, Princess!" Winter said happily as she went to retrieve twenty pounds of silk and beads.

Threepio looked down in joy as the last mouse droid was unplugged and scurried away. "Now, you make certain every last speck of dust is off this floor... do you hear me?" He watched in satisfaction as the droids hummed away, moving into even the tightest corners.

Then a high pitched squeal caught his attention. Two mouse droids were in one corner, fighting over a dust bunny. One would move forward, then the second one tried to block its way. The squealing got louder with every passing second.

"Hey, there! You two!" Threepio called out. "Quit fighting. There is enough dust to go around."

The little droids started butting heads, banging violently into each other. Threepio shuffled over to the noisy pair. "Stop that at once," Threepio ordered. "This is most unacceptable."

The little droids spun around, and then moved in unison toward Threepio's ankles. "HEY! What do you think..." Staggering, the protocol droid tried moving away, only to see there were other re-progamed mouse droids busy fighting each other. "Wait..."

A loud crash sounded as a long white table cloth was pulled down, sending plates, silverware and candles to the carpet. "What do you think..." Threepio yelled out. Then a second table cloth was pulled off as a small mouse droid busily tugged at the hem. "WAIT!" He looked in horror as four mouse droids headed for the ice sculpture, crashing against the base before sending it tilting. Threepio tried... he truly tried to make it on time, but the elegant carved ice bird hit the ground, scattering ice shards in all directions. "NOOOO!"

Threepio could only stare in shock and horror as the banquet room was turned upside down. Unnoticed, in the corner of the room, a small mouse droid had become entangled in one of the white tablecloths, and his little wheels were starting to smoke as he desperately tried to free himself. Then the smoke turned into a tiny flame... that spread and spread and spread.

"I now pronounce you husband and wife, " General Rieekan declared, smiling down at the radiant couple. Well, okay, he thought to himself. Maybe they did both look a bit peaked and woozy. But they'd managed to get through the vows without too many miscues.

Han leaned forward and kissed his bride, then whispered in her ear. "How are you feeling?"

"Never better," Leia replied, feeling a bit guilty at the lie since her stomach was still queasy. She turned to face the cheering crowd.

Supporting each other, they made their way down the wide aisle before heading out on the balcony to smile and wave at the masses of beings standing outside the cathedral. As they stood and waved, Han's attention was drawn to another large building not very far away. Black smoke poured from the windows and fire equipment was spraying foam into the building.

"Leia?" Han said, pressing one hand into his wife's side and pointing with his other hand. "Isn't that the hotel you rented for our wedding reception?"

The Princess's eyes grew wide. "Oh, no... what happened?"

"I'd say they're having some problems, wouldn't you?"

"What are we going to do for our wedding dinner?"

"I know a quiet little restaurant not too far from here," Han suggested. "Great food, nice music. It doesn't even need reservations."

"What about everyone else?" she asked, thinking about the hundreds of guests, since eating still wasn't sounding very appealing to her stomach.

"I'd say, every being for himself," Han chuckled. Suddenly, the upcoming evening was looking better and better.

Artoo rolled up to a very agitated Threepio, who was covered in foam and quite distressed. "It was all my fault!" the droid moaned out. "I have ruined the most important day of Mistress Leia and Master Han's life... I will be dismantled or memory wiped. I just know it!"

The astromech droid peered past his partner and looked into the destroyed banquet room. Two dozen melted mouse droids could be seen among the smoldering ruins. Artoo gave a sad beep. Such destruction, such a senseless waste of droids. He turned to the golden droid and shot out a arc of electricity, hitting Threepio in the knee.

"Ow!" Threepio yelled. "Why did you do that?"

"Treppeppi!"

"Those were not your little cousins, you little trouble maker! Ow! OW!" Threepio turned and hurried away from the charges that Artoo kept shooting in his direction. "OW! Stop that... Master Luke is going to dismantle you, you - OW!"

Much later, Leia and Han slowly danced in each other's arms, far away from all of the prying eyes of the galaxy. "Han," Leia said, looking up at her husband. "Thank you. This has been very lovely night. You were right, this is a very nice restaurant."

"Ah, I was right," Han said, his eyes twinkling. "I can't tell you how long I've waited to hear those words."

"Are you telling me you'd rather hear me say, 'You're right', instead of 'I love you'?"

"I know you love me, sweetheart," Han said with a laugh. "I'm much less sure how often you think I'm right about something."

"That's true," Leia conceded, smiling. "You probably won't be right about something for at least another ten years."

"But you'll love me anyway, right?"

"Right, again. For the second time in the same day. You're scaring me, Han."

"I'd much rather excite you, Princess" he said, kissing her neck. "Whoever is responsible for that fire, has my undying gratitude."

"Mine, too."

THE END