Chapter 42. Getting Better
Nathan got dressed in his uniform and walked to the Mountie office on Wednesday morning. He was surprised by the ease of both those tasks. He had expected some soreness today, after making practically two round trips yesterday. But, he didn't feel sore at all.
He worked all morning at his desk. He spoke for a long time with Commander Collins by telephone, taking notes all the while, jotting down ideas and all of Collins' suggestions. The new Mountie, who had just officially accepted the posting, would arrive in Hope Valley in about 2 weeks time. Nathan would be sent an official telegram when the details were in place. He smiled to himself, very excited about this.
He walked over to Bill's office to talk to him about some of the maps, books, and manuals he would need to start the revision of the Training Manual. He had some resources in his office, but thought there might be quite a lot he could use from Bill's library. He knocked lightly on the door and heard Bill's rough, "Come in."
When Bill saw it was Nathan, and in uniform, he smiled. "Well, aren't you a sight for sore eyes?"
"Thank you, Bill. I'm back in the office on half days, relegated to desk duty. But, it's something. And, I'm starting on the revision of the training manual." Nathan stated.
"Well, that's good news. I know you were getting cabin fever." Bill looked at him.
"I came by to ask your help with something. I wanted to ask if you have any resources available that would be helpful for the revision of the training manual? Have you any recent territory maps I could borrow, Bill? Or any other resources you would suggest I take a look at?" Nathan asked.
Bill nodded, stood and scanned his office bookshelves. He pulled out a large book of maps bound together, and then a few other smaller ones. With these, he started a nice size stack on the corner of his desk. Then scanned to find one more, and put it on top. Nathan came forward and took a look, and was happy for each book in the pile.
"Bill, when do you think we can get in to look at the second floor of the Mountie office?" Nathan asked.
"I found the key, and we can go in anytime, Nathan. You tell me when." Bill stated.
"How about now, Bill? That way you can help me get these books back to my office?" Nathan suggested.
Bill nodded, walked to his desk, opened the top drawer and retrieved the key. He picked up the largest books, ready to follow Nathan. "Lead the way, Constable." He stated with his half smile.
Nathan picked up the rest of the books, and tucked him on his right side. And, they walked together back to his office. They set the books down on Nathan's desk and walked around the back of the building. The stairs didn't look very secure, so they went up one at a time. Bill went first, unlocked the door, and pushed it open. There were no curtains on the windows, so the light came in just fine. The rest of the building and floor looked pretty sure, so Bill stepped inside. Nathan came up the stairs after Bill, and stepped inside also. The room was dirty, but large enough for a classroom. There were lots of old boxes and crates scattered about and all along one wall. It obviously needed a good cleaning and a coat of paint, but could work just fine. Nathan would need to have some work done to the stairs to solidify them. But, this room was a real possibility.
"Bill, what do you think?" Nathan asked.
"This could really work, don't you think, Nathan?" Bill asked.
"It could work great, actually. I will need to get some work done on the stairs, maybe a coat of paint up here. Anything else you see, Bill?" Nathan asked.
"No, I don't see anything else for the moment." Bill stated, and handed Nathan the key. It was technically the property of the NWMP, anyway.
As they left, Nathan locked the room back up and they went down the stairs one at a time. The men parted ways at the corner of the building, and Nathan went back to work. He put the books and maps away on the shelf in his office.
At a little before noon, Nathan took a basket by the door of his office and walked to the café. Clara was behind the counter today, and he ordered two plates to go. He put them in his mother's basket and walked over to the infirmary.
When he entered, Faith looked up from her paperwork. "Hi, Nathan. You are looking well, and in uniform. Did you walk all the way here?"
"Hello, Faith. Yes, I did walk here, and worked all morning in my office, at the desk." Nathan said, walking over to her. He looked over at the adjoining door and asked, "Have you heard anything from Julia today?"
"Yes. She was just over here about an hour ago. She looks much better, managed to take a hot bath and get dressed. Though I told her to stay home today and rest." Faith reported, cheerily.
"What do I need to do today, related to my check up?" Nathan asked.
"Well, just a few questions. And, it's been a long time since I took a look at your ribs. Can we step behind the curtain for a few minutes, Nathan?" She asked.
"Sure." He said and he set down his basket near the desk and followed her over. After the examination was done, they came back out. She was pleased with his progress and thought things would continue to improve quickly now.
"Thank you, Faith." Nathan said. When all seemed to be done for his check up he pointed at the adjoining door and asked, "Do you think I can disturb her?"
"Nathan, I don't think she would think of your stopping by as disturbing her." Faith said with a little giggle.
He smiled, glad that was true. "Ok, I'll just give it a try then."
He knocked three times and Julia answered. She seemed surprised, yet pleased to see him, and in uniform.
"Hi, Jules. How are you feeling?" Nathan asked, as she opened the door wide to him.
"I'm feeling better, thank you, Nathan. Please come in." She said, her voice still raspy though a little better. He entered carrying his basket and she closed the door behind him. "Did you wear that red serge just for me?" She teased.
He smiled playfully and said, "No, I've been working at my desk all morning." She nodded, and he took in the sight of her.
As he gazed at her, he said, "You look much better." Her face had a little more color and she was dressed, though she still had light circles under her eyes. "I brought you some lunch, and the dessert we never got to eat on our date." Nathan said, looking down at the basket he carried.
"That's so thoughtful of you, Nathan." She motioned for him to set it on the table. When he looked up, he caught sight of the painting- her Dad's lighthouse painting. The one that was so precious to her, that she had intended to be the focal point of the room. Though, Nathan had never seen it before, and yesterday hadn't noticed it in the dim light.
"Wow", Nathan said, suddenly taken aback, "I don't remember seeing this painting before." He said, as he stared, motionless.
Nathan saw before him the most beautiful painting of a very majestic and regal lighthouse. The sea seemed to rage beside it, but the lighthouse stood strong and steadfast, lighting up everything around it. He found it captivating the way the artist had used light and shadows to convey the strength and power of the lighthouse, as well as the intensity of the sea. He'd never seen anything like it.
Julia walked over next to him and whispered, "My father painted that."
He kept staring ahead, admiring the painting, "Jules," he said quietly. "It's…it's…so…," he tried to find an adequate word, "majestic."
"It's my very favorite painting of his," she stated simply. "He was a very fine artist, wasn't he?"
"Yes, he was." Nathan stated. "But I don't remember seeing it the first time I was in your apartment. When I met Jake?"
"That's because it wasn't up the first time you were here." She stated. ""Since my father died, I haven't been able to even look at this painting. But, recently, something made me get it out of my trunk, and hang it on the wall."
He reached out and took her hand then. They stood there shoulder to shoulder looking at the painting, for a good long time. He just simply stood next to her and held her hand.
She finally elaborated in a quiet voice, "This is the lighthouse in our village, in Peggy's Cove. The lighthouse where I spent most of my childhood." She took a deep breath and looked up at him then.
She continued as she faced the painting again, "I actually helped my father with the lighting, shading, and contrast on this painting." At her admission, he also turned and faced the painting again, his mouth dropped open slightly. That was his favorite part about it, the light, the depth and the details. She must also be a very fine painter. He'd seen what she'd done with the festival booths, but this was a whole other level.
"Julia, the lighting is my favorite part about this painting. It's all wonderful, but it's the shading and contrast, and the lighting that bring it to life." He looked down at her, "I can't believe you did that. You must be a pretty fine painter yourself."
Julia looked up at him and said, "My Dad taught me everything he knew about painting, and I used to love to paint with him." She paused and looked back at the painting, remembering. "He always had easels set up and paints strewn about in his drafting studio at home. As a kid, I remember either playing on the floor next to him, or running in and out of his studio all day, while he was painting. Until one day he asked me if I wanted to try. He set up an easel for me, just next to his, and I was hooked. We worked on a lot of pieces together. But, this was the last one we ever worked on, the two of us."
"You must be very good, Jules, and your father a very fine teacher." Nathan kept her hand in his, but stepped forward slightly to examine the painting more closely. "It's really amazing."
"The truth is, I haven't been able to pick up a paint brush since his passing. I couldn't bear to paint without him." Julia paused, "that is, until the Founder's Day festival. I didn't even think about it, when I was with the girls, I just painted."
Nathan stepped back into place beside her and said, "I think I've mentioned before that Colleen was a painter, and she was also pretty amazing. I have a few of her paintings, but I still haven't been able to hang them up yet. I know I should, for Allie, but I haven't been able to bring myself to do it."
Julia nodded, understanding completely. And she said, "I hope you will put them up someday, Nathan. I would very much like to see them. But, I understand that feeling of not being ready. After losing someone dear, we all go at our own pace. Grieving is a peculiar thing, sometimes we are reluctant to take a step forward because we think it will hurt too much to remember, but in reality that step can bring healing. Like the day I put the painting up, I felt healing. And today, standing here with you, holding my hand, I feel another small measure of healing." At her admission, a single tear escaped and started to rolled down her cheek. He turned toward her and gently wiped it.
Then Julia confessed just above a whisper, "You are the only person I have ever shared with, about this painting." At that, he pulled her into his arms. She buried her face in his chest, and snuggled into her place, the one where she fit just perfect and could hide away, if even for just a moment, from the pain of the world.
When they finally pulled out of their embrace, he noticed that she very quickly wiped her eyes.
He didn't like to see her sad, and wanted to lighten the mood. "Jules, are you hungry?"
Julia sniffled and said, still raspy, "Yes. I'm starving, as Jake would say." Laughing as she did a perfect imitation of her brother.
Nathan took out the plates from the café, and set them on the table. Julia went to grab some silverware and napkins. And, she took out two glasses and brought over the water pitcher. He unbuttoned and removed his serge and hung it near the door.
As they sat down together, Nathan held her hand and said a blessing. Then he looked again at the painting. She had shared so much with him, it made him think of the paintings hidden away in the closet at his house. Colleen's paintings. He silently wondered if he was able to get them out.
Nathan decided to share a little more with her, "When we were younger, Colleen would drag me to museums and art shows all over our area." He looked down at his plate and then back up at her, "She was also quite good, but loved to critique art. I always thought that she would one day end up a curator at an art museum."
Julia said, "I wish I could have met her."
"You would have been good friends." Nathan assured her.
"You think so?" Julia asked.
"I know so." He paused, "And if I had any doubt, I can tell by your special relationship with Allie. She's a lot like Colleen and she adores you."
Julia looked over at a bouquet drying upside down near the wood stove. He followed her gaze and saw it too. "Is that the bouquet that Allie gave you, over there, drying? The one she picked from your meadow?"
Julia looked back at him, amused that he still called it her meadow. "Yes. It's still so beautiful, even dried."
"Allie has the bouquet you gave us, also drying in her room. Remember, the bouquet Faith brought without telling us who it was from?" Nathan smiled at her, as he remembered.
"She does?" He could see that meant a lot to her.
He saw the bouquet of daisies was still right by her bedside.
As they ate, Julia looked back up at the painting and seemed to be thinking of something. She looked back square at him and said, "You and Allie, what the two of you have together, that incredible bond and relationship, is also very special. It doesn't happen everyday, Nathan."
He nodded, aware that he and Allie had something special.
"You two remind me of the relationship I had with my own father." She said solemnly and honestly. "I don't think I've ever told you that."
He shook his head no, and continued to listen.
"Remember, Jake left for the military when I was 10. And, then it was just the two of us, my Dad and I, until I left for nursing school. Sometimes, you and Allie make me think of my Dad and me."
He took her hand then, realizing something new about her. She had shared that Nathan and her father had some similar traits. But, he had not heard that before about he and Allie, and didn't realize the depth of the bond she had with her father.
"I wish I could have met him." Nathan said solemnly.
"Me, too" She said quietly.
She looked back up at the painting and he followed her gaze. Then she looked back at him and said gently, "Nathan, I don't want to push you to do something you are not ready for, but I would really love to see Colleen's paintings sometime. But only if and when you feel ready."
He nodded silently.
They had both finished their plates, so he collected the dirty dishes and took them over to the sink. As he came back, he noticed that all of her books were still either in boxes stacked on top of each other, or piled up against the wall. She still hadn't any place to put them.
He returned to his basket, and pulled out the dessert they hadn't gotten to eat on Monday night. He grabbed two forks from the kitchen, and brought over the dessert, and set it down in the middle of the table.
Julia's eyes were huge as he set down a lovely chocolate cake. She looked up at him and smiled big.
"One chocolate cake for two." He stated as he handed her a fork.
"Wow, it looks amazing. This is what you had planned for us?" She was so sorry they didn't get to it on their date, but so happy they were able to share it now.
"Shall we cut it?" He asked, thinking it a little but of a shame to just dig in with forks.
She laughed and said, "Yes. Maybe we should be civilized. Let me get something to cut it." She stood and pulled out a knife and two small plates.
Julia cut two good size slices and served each of them.
As she sat down in front of her piece of cake, she looked at him flirtatiously and said, "Nathan, it looks amazing. But since I didn't see the fire brigade out on Monday, I'm assuming it wasn't you who made it?"
He laughed from his gut at her little joke, and said, "No, it wasn't me. And, the cake is much better off because I wasn't involved." He smiled playfully at her, loving her sense of humor. "Allie and Mom made it."
He picked up his fork and she did the same. They enjoyed the cake together, and it was really good.
She stopped eating for a moment, to go put the coffee pot on the stove. He had been thinking exactly the same thing…all that was missing was coffee.
After a few minutes when the pot stopped gurgling she served two cups and brought them back to the table with the cake. She served his black and hers had a dollop of milk.
"So, what are you working on at your desk, across the street from me?" She asked, curious.
"Well, today I was just getting set up. I'm starting on the revision of the training manual. And, I may have found a classroom." Nathan stated, as he sipped his coffee.
"That's wonderful, Nathan." She said. "Is the classroom far?"
"It's just above my office, so I'll still be across the street from you." He smiled at her. She seemed happy about that. "Though, it needs some work. I'm going to talk to Lee to see if he has some guys who would like a side job."
"It's your first day back and already so much is coming together." She stated happily, sipping her coffee.
"And, according to HQ, Hope Valley's new Mountie will arrive in about two weeks." He stated, smiling at her.
"That's great, Nathan. So, you won't even go back to your Constable duties?" She realized, putting the timetable together in her head.
"Nope, by the time I'm cleared to ride, the new Constable will be here." He said.
"Are you sad about that?" Julia asked.
"I have to admit, when I came back to the office the other day, I had an emotional moment, realizing things would change." He said, honest.
"Change is always a little hard at the beginning. But, you are going to be so good at your new position. I just know you will love it." She encouraged him.
"I think so, too." Nathan said, smiling at her.
Their plates and coffee cups were empty, so Nathan carried them over to the sink and started to do the washing. Julia came over just next to him, to dry. They stood shoulder to shoulder and worked together until all the dishes were done and dried. Nathan set the plates from the café on top of his basket, so he could return them.
Then he turned to her. "Jules, thank you for this lovely lunch together."
She chuckled softly and said, "Nathan, it was you who brought me lunch. I'm the one who should be thanking you."
"Oh, yes. I guess that's true." And he smiled at her. "I should go and let you rest." He said, taking her hand in his. He gently twirled her wrist around in his hand so he could thread their fingers together.
"Thank you for lunch, Nathan. And for the lovely dessert." She said softly. He tenderly kissed the back of her hand.
"Jules, when can I see you again?" He looked at her so intensely, she had to take a deep breath.
"I should be back in the infirmary tomorrow. Are you coming in again for a check?" Julia asked.
"Yes. And, I plan to work in the office tomorrow." He stated, hoping they could work out something.
"Well, when you come for your check up, perhaps I could walk you back home. Can you come at the end of the day, close to 5:30 or 6 p.m.?" Julia suggested.
"I can do that, Jules." He stated, holding her hand now in both of his. He was still gazing at her which was making her insides all turn to mush.
"Get some rest, Jules." He said, kissing her hand one more time and dropping it gently. He walked to the hook by the door and donned his serge, buttoning it up as he looked at her. He picked up his basket and headed back toward the adjoining door.
Just as he reached the knob, he smiled back one more time at her. She gave him a little wave as he opened it and left.
She took a deep breath when he was gone. He had looked so stunning in his uniform when she'd first opened the door. Not to mention when he had buttoned it back up before leaving. She was sure those images would stay with her the rest of the day.
Later on, as Nathan walked towards the school house to pick up Allie, he thought back to Julia's apartment. Spending time with her there, he had felt privy to something private and inherently her. The painting was breathtaking, and he could not believe it had been some of her handiwork. He was sure she was as good a painter as Colleen. It touched him deeply to know she had entrusted him with the revelation about painting with her father, as well as her deep sadness. Would he be able to do the same with her? To open up and share his sadness? He knew there was still a lot he wanted to tell her about Colleen, and her death.
Then there was the issue of his guitar, laying untouched and forgotten under his bed. He intended to pick it up again, and hearing her story of overcoming her pain to finally hang the painting, inspired him to give it a second thought.
Nathan wondered if she was right about grieving. Maybe in our effort to avoid any more pain, we listen and heed the very lies that keep us from our healing? In shutting ourselves off from the pain, are we also shutting ourselves off from our healing? What if instead, by facing our pain head on, little by little, and step by step, we receive a measure of healing at each juncture?
He thought about these questions as he walked, determined to talk to Joseph about these things. Nathan wanted to ask him more about grieving and healing.
And, Nathan thought once more of Colleen's paintings, hidden away in the closet. Could he bear to hang them now? Could he do as Julia, and face his hurt head-on, with hope for his next measure of healing? He knew he should hang them, he wanted to hang them. And, he wanted to do it not just for himself, but for his mother, and for Allie too.
When Allie came out of the school house, she was so happy to see her Dad, and to see him in uniform. It had been a very long time since he had picked her up from school. On their walk home together, Nathan thought of Julia's books, piled up on the floor and still in boxes. He knew just what to do about it, and on their walk home, as soon as he mentioned it to Allie, she agreed wholeheartedly.