Chapter Seven - Denial
Trigger warnings on abuse!
"Sir, why are we going to London?" Harry asked for the third time that morning. He watched Snape tap the brick wall to take them out of Diagon Alley and into Muggle London.
"I've told you before, Potter, you need new muggle clothes. Unless you want to be wearing your school robes all summer and during weekends once term starts, then stop complaining!"
Harry rolled his eyes. "Since when have you cared about what kind of clothes I wear?"
"That is none of your business!" Snape snapped as he stepped away from the wall. The bricks were moving, forming into an archway. Harry could now see the back door of the Leaky Cauldron.
"Of course it's my business. We're talking about what I wear!"
Snape just rolled his eyes as he walked forward, muttering under his breath about teenagers and their rotten attitudes.
Harry ignored his snarky Potions Professor, who seemed to have woken up in a foul mood.
Why is Snape always so bloody grumpy? Harry wondered.
Harry knew the professor was picked on during his time at Hogwarts by the Marauders. Harry wondered if that could be the reason for his constant sour attitude. But that was years ago... Surely, that couldn't be the only reason?
The man can't still be upset with something that happened years ago! Harry thought. Maybe he's just angry because I'm around….
That made a lot of sense, ever since Snape laid eyes on Harry in his first year the professor seemed to always have it out for him. Harry wondered why Snape even bothered letting him stay at his quarters when he knew he couldn't stand having Harry around.
Shaking away those thoughts, Harry followed Snape through the Leaky Cauldron and out into the muggle world. The fumes of cars blinded Harry. And the familiar noises of traffic and busy muggles on cell phones surrounded him. It had been a while since he was in muggle London. Harry forgot how loud and big it was.
Harry glanced at Snape and to his surprise, the professor's usual black, billowing robes were replaced with a pair of dark-blue jeans and a black button-up shirt. His long, lanky hair still covered his face.
"Sir, you should do something about your hair. It's not common for male muggles your age to have long hair. Well…unless you're into heavy metal or rock music, or you ride a motorcycle or something like that... Most of the older Muggles don't approve of those things either."
Harry couldn't help but smile at the strangeness of it all. He couldn't wait to write to Ron and Hermione about seeing Snape in muggle clothes.
"Wipe that arrogant smirk off your face, Potter!"
Harry scowled darkly at Snape's assumption of him once more. He crossed his arms to his chest.
"I wasn't trying to be arrogant. I was trying to be helpful. Why can't you just for once see that I'm not exactly like my dad?"
Snape frowned as he studied him for a few seconds. Harry refused to look at him. He hadn't meant to say those last few words. They'd just sort of slipped out.
"Come, we're wasting time," Snape only said wearily. He hurried to the nearest clothing store, as if he wanted to get the shopping done as soon as possible.
Harry rolled his eyes and hurried along. He entered the fresh, cool store behind Snape.
The powerful aroma of the store and new clothes hit him. Harry was suddenly feeling very overwhelmed at what to choose. He'd never done clothes shopping for himself before. His whole life, Harry was only allowed to wear Dudley's hand-me-downs. The first piece of new clothing Harry had ever owned in fact, was his new set of Hogwarts robes when he'd started his first year.
Harry suddenly just realized a horrifying thought. He didn't have any muggle money with him. He only had a sack of wizard coins. Snape had mentioned they were going to muggle London, but he didn't say why. If Harry had known that the purpose was to go and get clothes for himself, then he would've exchanged his wizard coins for muggle money at Gringotts.
"Um… sir?" Harry asked awkwardly. "I don't have any money to pay for this."
"That's alright, Potter, I've got it covered."
"No!" Harry shook his head in horror. He didn't want to be indebted to Snape! "I think I'm okay with my old clothes. Shall we be going?"
Harry turned around to step out of the store, then felt a light hand rest on his shoulder. Harry flinched away from it. He looked up at the dark, black eyes of his professor.
"You didn't let me finish..." Snape hissed through gritted teeth. Harry could see the professor was fighting with everything he had to not say the storm of insults that were brewing at the tip of his tongue.
"I'll pay for your clothes. Then later you can work it off by helping me brew healing potions for Madam Pomfrey. Is that fair enough for you?"
Harry was about to argue back, but he thought better of it. He realized Snape was just trying to do a nice thing for him. He also realized that his professor was just covering it up by letting Harry work off the money for the clothes.
Harry didn't trust Snape.
But…if I worked it off, then…I won't be in debt...
Harry knew he wasn't going to win this battle, so he relented and muttered, "Well…alright..."
Snape nodded at his answer. "Go look around. Pick out three pairs of shorts, three pairs of pants, seven shirts, and two sets of pajamas… And a pack of underwear and socks."
"Isn't that a bit much?" Harry asked. He could feel his face turning red.
"Just go!" Snape looked down at Harry's shoes. They were falling apart, dirty, and two sizes too big. "And get some proper trainers!"
Harry sighed in annoyance as he made his way over to a clothes rack full of t-shirts. He couldn't believe he had agreed to this! It would take him all summer to repay that snarky git back!
Once Severus saw Potter go into the dressing room with his arms full of clothes, he made his way over to the saleswoman.
"I'm going next door to the camping store to purchase the gear I'll need. Keep Potter busy while I'm gone," Severus muttered. "And remember, the boy shall not know about the trip yet. There's a chance that he might not want to go, and I'm not looking forward to dragging Potter to the campsite by force."
The saleswoman's features changed, until the young auror, Nymphadora Tonks, was standing in front of Severus. The real muggle saleswoman was locked in the broom cupboard under a sleeping charm.
What Potter didn't know was that the whole time they've been out, members of the Order were keeping an eye on them. There were in fact, two guards under Disillusionment Charms right outside. Severus didn't tell Potter because he knew the boy would overreact for all the fuss they were going through just to keep him safe.
"No problem, Snape, I've got it covered. He'll be safe with me," Tonks smiled as she turned back into the image of the saleswoman.
Severus nodded and made his way out of the store, making sure there was no suspicious activity going on around him. He couldn't be too careful these days. Due to the Dark Lord rising to power and Death Eaters roaming about.
Last night, during a quick floo call, Albus had in fact improved the camping idea with great pleasure and amusement, much to Severus' annoyance. The old wizard left Severus in charge of the security and wards. Albus was now returning from his mission in a day or two.
Severus entered the store and began to look at the tents. He decided to do it the muggle way. He wanted this to be a good experience for Potter. This was not only going to bring them together, but it'll also teach Potter how to manage out in the wilderness without any magic. Just in case the war shall ever, Merlin forbid, force Potter into hiding.
This trip was, indeed, the only way that might bring them together, if they ever wanted to get through the summer peacefully. The last few days were terrible with all the fighting. It was hard for Severus to admit the other reasons for this trip, which was gaining Potter's trust and to build at least a mentor/student relationship with him. The boy had no one, besides Lupin who was still missing. Since there hadn't been any new leads on the wolf's whereabouts yet, it wasn't wise to wait for Lupin to take care of Potter's needs. Even if he was found, Severus couldn't entrust Potter in Lupin's care anymore because there was no knowing what state his mind and body would be in once found. Severus hadn't found the heart to tell Potter about the possibility of Lupin never being the same again. Severus knew what it took to be tortured by the Death Eaters and the Dark Lord himself. It would have to take a strong person to escape without any harm. Potter was a good example of it. The boy had been tortured enough by the Dark Lord, and now he was mentally a mess.
Severus picked out a decent sized tent for two people, cooking essentials, equipment for a campfire, a couple of lanterns, and other necessities that they would need. Aside from the wards that were going to surround them, there would be no magic at all; with the only exception of Severus keeping his wand on him at all times just in case danger might arise.
"Sir, am I going crazy? Or did you disappear for a while when I was in the dressing rooms?" Harry asked Snape as they walked out of the clothing store together.
Snape gave him a cold look and said, "The latter."
"No, really! Because when I came out, I looked around and you weren't there. Then that peculiar saleswoman threw a bunch of clothes at me, and practically shoved me back in the dressing rooms. Once I finished you were leaning against the counter, as if you were waiting there the whole time."
"I was waiting there the whole time, Potter! Now hurry up! We have a scheduled portkey waiting for us at the Leaky Cauldron," Snape snapped out in exasperation.
Harry swore he saw a small smirk on his Potions Professor's face, but he wisely decided not to press him anymore.
Harry was so deep in his thoughts, that he hadn't noticed the large, walrus-looking muggle walking in front of him, until it was too late.
"Where have you been, boy!" a voice shouted. It startled Harry so bad, he flinched. He was about to uncharacteristically grab hold of Snape's arm in shock and sudden fear, when Uncle Vernon grabbed Harry by his upper arm and pulled him to his side.
"You better have a good explanation for running away! What are you doing? Begging on the streets now for food and money?!"
"Vernon!" Aunt Petunia shouted as she ran to catch up to her husband. "Let the boy go!"
Snape skidded to a halt. He glared so evilly at Uncle Vernon, Harry was afraid he might do something stupid like hex him in front of all the muggles, right in the middle of a busy London street.
"Let him go, Dursley," Snape growled slowly in a low warning voice, which would've made Neville Longbottom wet his pants in fear.
Aunt Petunia stood next to her husband. "Vernon, please, just let him go. You just said so yourself this morning, that things were nice and normal without the boy around."
"No! This freak is coming back home with us so I can give him a well-deserved whooping!" Uncle Vernon yelled at his wife. His face and neck was red. His beady little eyes were full of hate. His spit sprayed all over Harry's face as he tried to tug himself away, but his uncle's grip was too strong.
"Let go of me, Uncle Vernon! You can't force me to go back!"
His hold on Harry became tighter. "Yes I can, boy! Now shut up and..."
Uncle Vernon stopped talking. His face turned into a grayish, purplish color as he'd suddenly found himself on the other end of Snape's wand.
Aunt Petunia gave a small squeak of fear. She hurriedly covered her mouth so she wouldn't draw any more attention towards the group.
"Let go of the boy," Snape snarled. His glittering black eyes were full of danger.
Uncle Vernon let go of Harry's arm, muttering a few unintelligent words.
Shaking in fear, Harry backed away so he could stand behind Snape. "Professor, don't attack him! There are muggles everywhere. You'll get arrested!" he whispered desperately, while looking around. Harry noticed the saleswoman from the store they'd just left, walking in their direction. He wasn't sure if she'd noticed them in trouble or was just simply on a break.
It's a wonder how muggles never notice anything! Because so far, nobody had noticed the commotion happening right under their noses. If Snape managed to hex Uncle Vernon, there would be no way to hide that from the muggles.
"Professor, please," Harry pleaded. He grabbed Snape's wand arm.
The sound of Harry's voice seemed to have brought Snape back to his senses because he lowered his wand. Taking a deep breath, Snape put his hand on Harry's shoulder to steady his anger. Harry shook off his hand immediately. He was feeling uncomfortable all of sudden with human contact.
Harry's arm was throbbing from his uncle's strong grip. He rubbed it as a memory flashed before his eyes of Uncle Vernon. He was pulling Harry down the stairs by the arm to punish him. The emotions Harry had felt that day resurfaced. The feelings of fear and pain.
Harry's whole body started to shake. He suddenly realized he was gasping for air. Dark spots began to cloud his vision.
"Potter, look at me," Harry heard Snape's voice. He could barely see the professor in front of him kneeling down at eye level. Suddenly the ground beneath him began to sway, until Snape steadied Harry by his shoulders.
"What's wrong with him?" Aunt Petunia snapped, her beady eyes glancing around as if she was worried that someone would recognize her in the crowd.
"Bugger this! I'll wait for you in the car, Pet! I'm not going to stand here and waste my time with that boy's freaky nonsense!"
"He's having a panic attack because of you!" Snape shouted at Uncle Vernon. Then said to Harry, "Come on, Potter, breathe in slowly, and then breathe out. Follow my breath and concentrate."
Harry's throat was closing up. He swallowed with great difficulty, gasping for air. Panicking, he reached out blindly, trying to grab onto something…anything, that'll keep him anchored to the ground. Harry's hand found a sleeve, he clutched it tightly with his fist.
A few moments after following Snape's breathing pattern, Harry finally began to gain control. His vision slowly came back, he took in his surroundings. Harry realized he was sitting on the ground, leaning against a store wall, with Snape kneeling in front of him. Harry was clutching onto the professor's shirt sleeve. He let go, suddenly feeling embarrassed. Instead he looked at Aunt Petunia, who was blocking them from any passing muggles.
"Where is Uncle Vernon? Am I going back with him?" Harry whispered.
His whole body shook harder as Harry thought about all of the punishments he had received by his uncle in the past. He felt hands cover his own, preventing Harry from trying to scratch his arm.
"I got to take him back now," Snape muttered to Aunt Petunia.
Back to the Dursleys? Harry's heart sank.
Snape stood up and asked, "Can you stand?"
Harry knew Snape was planning on taking him back to the Dursleys! Harry should've seen this coming. Why else would the Dursleys be here? The same day he and Snape happened to be shopping in London? This couldn't have been a coincidence!
"You planned this!" Harry shouted. "You bastard! I was right to not trust you! This is where you went while I was in the dressing rooms! You went to go get them! And to think, I thought you were being nice with the clothes!"
"Calm down! You insolent child!" Snape shouted.
Harry stood up and tried to run off, but Snape held him back by his shoulders.
"No!" Harry shouted. "Let go of me! I'm not going back! You can't make me!"
"Potter, I'm not letting you go back with them!" Snape's grip became harder. "If you do not calm yourself, you leave me no choice but to stun you!"
Suddenly, the sound of Uncle Vernon's car horn sounded. "Hurry up, Petunia! We got to go!" his uncle shouted.
Harry started to fight his way out of Snape's grip harder. He didn't realize that he started crying. Memories of living at the Dursleys plagued him. He felt like he was living in one of his nightmares. Harry fought harder, until a voice said, "Stupefy!"
Severus grabbed the boy before he hit the floor, and held him close to his chest. He was torn, at feeling angry at Potter for his meltdown, and pity. Pity, because he knew the boy wasn't in his right mind. The run-in with the Dursleys had traumatized him!
Severus took a deep breath at the thought of what this meant for their complex relationship. It was going to be harder to gain the boy's trust after this now! Damn, Dursley!
"Snape?"
Severus jumped at the sound of his name. He'd forgotten about Petunia.
Why is she still here?
"Snape, before you go, I wanted to say that this isn't entirely mine and Vernon's fault! Harry's always been difficult, especially when he was younger. He'd always needed strict discipline to keep him in line. I hope Harry understands that we're not entirely bad people. We just had to do what we needed to do in keeping our own son safe from him and his baggage. I know Harry no longer wants anything to do with us, just let him know that there's still a place for him at our home up until he turns seventeen. I'll still respect the blood wards only to keep him safe and out of respect for my sister!"
Severus glared at the thin, bony woman in front of him. Oh, he had so much to say to her!
How could anyone neglect a child? How could anyone let a child fall victim to not only physical abuse, but mental and verbal abuse as well, and justify that it was okay? This was her sister's son! The only link she had left to Lily!
Severus continued to fix Petunia with a cold stare, before saying in a controlled voice, "I don't need you to explain or justify the damage you've done to your nephew! What you two have done was horrific and unforgivable! And do you really think he'll ever consider going back to a place that was supposed to be home, but had only caused him pain? All we needed was your acknowledgement of the blood wards and acceptance of Potter in your home until he comes of age. You've done that part and now we are done. You had your chance to be there for Potter, you had fifteen years, Dursley, and you fucked it up! As much as I regret saying this to you, I'll pass on your message. However, if Potter doesn't want to speak to you ever again, I'll not force him, nor encourage him to go back. Now go! Your bloody husband is waiting!"
Petunia nodded, "I understand." She nervously wrung the handles of her shopping bags in her bony hands.
Severus frowned, and continued in his cold, deep voice, "I will not encourage him, but on the small chance if Potter does want to reconcile with you, I'll see to it that he does. Only because my sole purpose right now is his well-being."
Severus made to leave, gathering Potter closer in his arms. He made sure all of the shrunken parcels and shopping bags were still in his pocket. Severus then gave a slight nod to let Tonks and Dedalus Diggle, who were advancing slowly, observing the situation, know that everything was okay.
"Helping Harry won't bring her back, you know. Especially, when you can't even bring yourself to call her son by his first name."
Snape stopped at Petunia's words, without turning around to look at the woman.
"I know you've loved her. I saw it in the way you used look at her."
Severus felt his heart swell up with that old familiar pain. That sharp pain he always felt whenever he thought of Lily. Her green eyes and her smile, the way she'd looked at him, the long conversations they'd used to share. That old pain was always there, just brimming beneath the surface, yet carefully guarded and always kept close. And how dare that muggle to make Severus feel it right now!
Before walking away, Severus coldly snapped, "And using Lily's son to try to redeem yourself, won't bring her back either!"
.
.
Once Severus was back in his quarters, he laid Potter on the sofa. Then he took out the boy's shopping bags and resized them so they were scattered all over the coffee table.
Severus looked at Potter's sleeping face. It was so tense, tear tracks stained his cheeks. Severus pointed his wand at him, muttering, "Ennervate."
The boy opened his green eyes slowly at first. Then once Potter regained his senses, he looked around with wide, frightful eyes.
"It's okay, Potter, we're back home. You're safe."
Severus saw the boy's calculating look at the word home.
"You mean your home, sir."
Severus opened his mouth to protest, but Potter spoke first. It was as if he didn't want to linger on that comment.
"What happened to the Dursleys? Why am I still here? I thought I was going back!"
This boy is so stubborn! When is he going to understand that he's never going back to the Dursleys?
Severus sighed and sat in his armchair. "I think it's time we have a discussion about your relatives."
"No, sir, I don't want to talk about them. I just want to know why I'm not back with them."
"That's enough. Potter, please, listen very carefully." Severus looked at Potter, who was now in a sitting position and glaring down at his tattered shoes.
"Potter, look at me!"
Potter turned his angry green eyes on him.
"Do I have your attention now?"
The boy nodded only once.
"I certainly hope so! Because I want you to understand the importance of what I'm about to tell you!"
Potter scowled and let out a huff of annoyance.
"Listen!" Severus snapped. "Merlin forbid! I shall not have to repeat myself again. You Are Never. Ever. Going Back to the Dursleys' home again. You Never have to see them, nor speak to them as long as you live."
The boy's face contorted in confusion. Potter opened his mouth to say something, but Severus continued on, "So get these notions out of your head that I'm taking you back to that house. I brought you here for a reason, Potter! Reasons that we are both aware of. So if I ever hear you mention any one of those silly notions, I promise you, you're going to have a classroom full of dirty cauldrons to scrub! Do I make myself clear?"
"Yes, sir," Potter muttered as he crossed his arms.
"Good, now that we got that out of the way, do you mind telling me about what happened back there?"
"Um…you were there, you saw…"
"Don't be an idiot! I meant what happened?! What made you panic like that?"
Potter gave him a look of disbelief.
Severus knew Potter was having difficulty with talking about his time with the Dursleys. Considering the events that just took place, this was a perfect opportunity to start the conversation that they'd carefully avoided for days.
Potter shrugged his shoulders. He gave Severus a reproachful glance before muttering to the floor, "I dunno..."
Sighing in frustration, Severus realized he was going to have to coach it out of him.
"Potter, tell me, why did you get upset when we ran into the Dursleys? I know your uncle scared you when he grabbed you and threatened to take you back with him. You were handling your fear well, until after I threatened him to let you go. What was going on in your head which caused you to panic and hyperventilate?"
"Sir, I really don't want to talk about it. Why do we have to do this? You already know that Uncle Vernon used to give me harsh punishments. Maybe I deserve them, I don't know! I'm not going to tell you of all people. So please... Just stop with the questions..."
Punishments? Severus gaped at Potter's words. Does he really think that he'd deserved the abuse?
"First of all, Potter, those punishments that your uncle gave you, isn't exactly what I would call discipline!" Severus paused for a while, trying to gather up his thoughts. He had to be careful with what he chose to say. This brat was now more unwilling than ever to open up now. Thanks to that blasted Dursley!
"I am not going to let you avoid this conversation of the abuse you've suffered from! We are going to stay here until we figure out what made you panic today."
Potter gaped at him with an indignant look on his face. Right away Severus knew he was about to explode, and sure enough, he did.
"It was nothing! You're making a big thing out of nothing! Abuse? Really! It was all just Uncle Vernon punishing me! Nothing else! Stop acting like I'm some abused kid, because I'm not! You don't know anything! You weren't there!"
Severus frowned at the boy's tone. He grabbed the arms of his armchair, trying to control himself from shouting back.
"On the first night you arrived, after I'd taken you from your relatives, I told you I wasn't going to let this matter drop. Whether you like it or not, we're going to talk about the abuse. So stop trying to fight me on this!"
"I HAVE NOT BEEN ABUSED!"
The trinkets on Severus' mantel suddenly exploded. Potter stood up, his whole body shaking in uncontrollable anger.
"If you are so sure, then tell me, Potter, tell me how you came to me with cracked ribs and bruises. Go on, you arrogant boy! Convince me that you haven't been abused by your relatives!"
Severus' voice hinted at danger. Potter glared at him with clenched fists. The room was thick with tension; cracking with uncontrollable, underaged magic.
Severus knew Potter was trying to think up a way to convince him, but just as Severus thought, the boy had nothing to say.
"You do not have anything to say, do you?" Severus spoke in a slow menacing voice.
"Dudley and I roughed house a lot…" Potter muttered.
For the love of Merlin…the kid is a bad liar!
"You really think…I'm that stupid enough…TO BELIEVE THAT?! DON'T YOU DARE FUCKING LIE TO ME!"
Severus threw himself off the chair and towered over the brat. They were neck to neck as they glared at each other. Severus was surprised Potter held his ground, because he was giving it his all to look like the scary-dungeon-bat professor image that his students were all afraid of.
"No more denial, Potter. Now tell me about your uncle," Severus said in a barely controlled voice.
Potter backed away, shaking his head, "Screw you, Snape." He then ran to his room, slamming the bedroom door hard behind him.
"For the love of Merlin! FUCK!" Severus shouted, along with several more of his father's favorite swear words. He knew he was handling this all wrong! He knew that conversation could've gone better, way better if Severus would've just controlled his temper and shown more patience! He wasn't a fucking therapist!
Damn you, Albus! he thought. Why do you have so much faith in me that I can do this? I'm the worst person for Potter! Fuck!
Once Harry slammed the door, he started throwing all of his clothes and possessions inside of his trunk. He was not staying here anymore, not if Snape was going to be treating him like some mental case. Sure the Dursleys were unfair to him, but they didn't outright abuse him. It was just their way of disciplining him. Harry didn't need to talk about the punishments from Uncle Vernon or the way they'd ignored him. Harry just couldn't stand the idea of Snape going around and taking pity on him for apparently being abused. It wasn't abuse!
Screw Snape! He can jump off the bloody Astronomy tower for all I care!
Harry decided to go to the Burrow where his best mate Ron Weasley lived. He needed his friends and Mrs. Weasley…not bloody Snape! Even though Hogwarts was much safer than the Burrow, Harry was still going. At least the Weasleys didn't know about his relationship with his relatives.
If only Sirius were here, then Harry wouldn't have to be in this mess, or Remus...wherever he was. Harry hoped he was okay. He had tried to refuse Occlumency with Snape the night before in hopes that he might dream of Remus, or for any hint of where he could be but it didn't work. Fear for his dad's old friend squeezed Harry's heart, his throat choking up a little at the possibility that he might never see Remus again… Just like Sirius... Remus never even told me he was leaving, why didn't he stop by to at least say goodbye or even check on me? Did he forget about me?
Harry's bedroom door opened. Harry didn't even look to see who came in. He knew it was Snape. He just continued to throw things into his trunk.
"How many times do I have to tell you to not slam your door? As it is my quarters you are living in, I expect you to live by my rules, even if you think they don't apply to you! Stop acting like a spoiled brat! You're just like your father and that bloody, stinking, mutt! So arrogant, and oblivious to anyone else's feelings but your own!"
"DO NOT CALL SIRIUS THAT!" Harry shouted as he slammed his trunk shut. "DON'T YOU DARE CALL HIM THAT! HE WAS MY GODFATHER! YOU HAVE NO RIGHT!"
Harry shook with anger, the look on Snape's face warned him that he was going too far, but he couldn't stop shouting. Harry had enough of Snape picking on him and belittling him every chance he got.
"AND STOP COMPARING ME TO MY FATHER, STOP CRITICIZING ME, AND CALLING ME STUPID! IT IS FAR MORE WORSE THAN GETTING PUNCHED IN THE STOMACH BY UNCLE VERNON!"
Harry abruptly stopped shouting. He said too much. He didn't want Snape to know that. Now the professor would be more convinced about him being abused.
The anger in his chest rose once more and Harry suddenly couldn't take it anymore. Out of all the fights they've had, this one was by far the worst. He started kicking his trunk hard, over and over, screaming out in frustration and anger.
Harry hated this place… He hated Snape… He hated being alive… He hated…he hated….
"Potter, stop!" Snape yelled. "POTTER!"
Harry ignored him. He was seeing red. His foot began to throb, but Harry welcomed it. It soothed the pain inside his heart. Suddenly, strong arms wrapped around him.
"LET ME GO, YOU BASTARD!" Harry tried to fight Snape off. "LET ME GO!"
"No, I'm not going to let you go. I'm not going to let you hurt yourself!"
Harry yelled as he turned around to punch Snape in the chest and stomach. If the professor felt any pain from the punches, he didn't show it. Snape only tightened his hold on him. Once Harry tired himself out, he realized he was crying and he couldn't stop.
Snape held him for a few minutes, allowing Harry to let go of all the emotions he was feeling at once; anger, frustration, grief, and sorrow.
"Are you ready to talk?" Snape asked in an uncharacteristically soft voice once Harry's tears subsided.
Harry shook his head. He heard his professor sigh in defeat.
"You can let me go now," Harry said in a hoarse voice.
"Only if you promise you'll stop being a danger to yourself."
"I promise, sir."
Harry was finally released, and he tiredly sat down on his trunk, running a hand through his messy hair.
"Going somewhere?" Snape asked, barely noticing all of his packed belongings.
"Not anymore," Harry muttered.
The anger had passed, leaving Harry to finally think logically. If he left the safety of the castle, then he'll be putting the Weasleys in danger. Harry didn't need any more blood on his hands.
"Take your shoe off, let me take a look at your foot. I seriously don't doubt that kicking a trunk is painful."
"It's fine," Harry muttered. His foot was actually on fire, but he didn't want Snape to fuss over it.
"Do not downplay…."
"Downplay my pain… I know," Harry finished. He took off his shoe and sock. He gritted his teeth from the pain. The nail on his big toe was bleeding. His whole foot was swelling up.
Snape summoned the needed healing potions. A minute later, Harry's foot was as good as new.
Harry watched Snape as he cleaned up the potions. He suddenly felt really bad for the things he'd said. Snape was trying his hardest to be civil. He was even nice enough to give him a room, but Harry fought him every step of the way. Guilt hit him hard in the chest.
Snape is right. I have been acting like a spoiled brat.
"Listen, Professor, I'm….I'm sorry for the things I've said earlier," Harry apologized.
Snape looked at him. His black eyes for once, were not cold but sincere. "There is no need, Potter. We've both said hurtful things to each other, although, there was a lot of truth. I've been acting unfair towards you by belittling you. It's a habit I promise to break in the future. I apologize for my behavior."
Snape sat down on Harry's desk chair. "You must promise me something. I'm telling you this not to make you feel bad or angry, but because it is very important. We must work on our behavior towards each other. We have to respect each other, if this living situation is ever going to work."
Harry thought about what the professor said. How could he respect Snape, if he didn't trust him?
Harry only nodded. He decided to just act respectful, even if he didn't really mean it.
"I promise," Harry muttered guiltily. He didn't miss the look that passed by the professor's face. He knew Snape was seeing right through him.
"I think now is as good a time as any to bring up the trip I've been planning for us," Snape calmly said. Harry could tell Snape was holding in his frustration at his lack of trust.
"A trip?"
"Yes, we're going camping."
"Camping?! Where...why?" Harry spluttered out. This day was getting stranger by the minute. It all started with Snape buying him clothes, and now he was talking about going camping?
I must be dreaming or I'm going crazy!
"You don't need to act so shocked," Snape smirked.
"I'm sorry, it's just hard to believe, you know…with your reputation at Hogwarts and all. I've never imagined you saying those words to me."
"And I bet you've never imagined living with me either?" Snape lifted up an eyebrow.
Harry gave him a small smile. "So…when are we going?"
"Due to what occurred today between us, we are leaving tomorrow morning."
"What? Tomorrow? How long are we camping?"
"As long as it takes for you to start trusting me."
Harry's smile disappeared. "I thought this was just a summer trip!"
"No, this is more like a bonding exercise," Snape said.
"So, I'm guessing I have no say in this? I have to go."
"Precisely, Potter, now start packing up your new clothes in your rucksack. After dinner, you may have free time, then in bed by nine. We've had a long stressful day and I expect you to be up early tomorrow. Four am! Sharp!"
Harry didn't say anything. He was at a loss for words.
Snape stood up. "Accio Potter's shopping bags!"
All of Harry's new clothes flew straight into the room and dumped themselves onto the bed.
"I'll help you Occlude before you turn in," was all Snape said before he left the room.
Bloody hell! was all Harry could think of. He was in a total mixture of shock and anger.
He was being forced to go to some trust camp! And with Snape?! As if Harry had no control at all in his life. Well...he never did have any control in his life. Dumbledore was always making sure of that. If Harry had control, he wouldn't be here, that's for sure.
Harry sighed miserably as he gathered his new clothes to pack.
Thank you for all of the wonderful comments! 3
Lupinesence: I hope Kaylie and Moony escape together too. However, I already know if they do or not haha but I'm not telling ;)
Dailey2008Jon: Thank you! Keep a look out for more updates. :)
Caraline Fisher: Thank you for your comment! I promise you this fanfic is going to be long. :)
POTTERPHILE:Thank you for saying I have the potential of becoming a great writer, however I'm sorry if my little mix up of then/than. I looked over the whole story to see if I made that common mistake because I do know the difference. I didn't find any more so it must had been a typo, so there was no need to be so harsh. :(
Fireangle: All I can promise to you is that there will be some interaction between Petunia and Harry, but not too much since my story is focused on Sev, Harry, and Moony. And besides, Petunia had held on to her grudge against her sister too long to ever feel true remorse for her mistakes. I don't think she can ever truly change due to all that had happened between the sisters. That is why I had Petunia feeling sorry for she had done but not enough to protect Harry from Vernon. A small part of Petunia will always resent Harry for having everything she couldn't, not only the affection from her family, but magic itself. I think that is why even J.K. Rowling didn't have Petunia give Harry a proper goodbye in the Deathly Hallows. But despite of all that, I will try my best though to have a little bit of interaction in upcoming chapters and maybe Harry will forgive her but like I said the story is not going to focus too much on their relationship. Thank you for the comment and reading my story by the way. :)
Bryan314: Thank you so much! And Harry will find happiness in the end of maybe the sequel….. ;)
PrincessAnime8: I know! :( don't worry he won't be suffering forever in the story.
Branchkk: Thanks, I'll be updating every weekend. So keep a lookout. :)
Dumledorewriter: Thank you, I'm trying my best to keep them from becoming OC. I hope I'm doing okay.
xSerendipity92x : No it's my computer!D:
Swiatlo: Thank you. I'm glad you're enjoying my Fanfic. Keep a lookout for updates!
Thedarklordsfavoritedungeonbat: I'm trying! D: