Chapter Ten - Hopeless

The day before the full moon

In the frosty, stinging chill that numbed their cheeks and noses, the Marauders were trekking in the snow. James wrapped his arms around Sirius' and Remus' shoulders, laughing out loud at something Remus had said.

James….

Twinkling fairy lights...

Lily and Remus laying side by side, under the Christmas tree in the Gryffindor common room….

Her beautiful laugh and vibrant red hair….

Lily...

Remus wasn't sure if the images of his pack flashing in the subconscious part of his mind were memories or just simply dreams. Or were they reality? They felt so real... Remus was losing track of time...of everything...

Intense blue-grey eyes.…

The warmth of Sirius' body pressed up against him as they laid together in his bed in their dormitory.

A melody played in his ear...

"Moonshadow... Moonshadow..."

Sirius...

The sound of a baby laughing...

A brooding teenager with bright-green eyes, dark with sorrow.

Harry….

And then for a long time, Remus saw nothing but darkness, and felt only pain. Then the stench of sickness and blood invaded his senses, he could practically taste them. And at the edges of the terrifying darkness, there were gentle hands… A soothing voice.…

Hold on, love... Just a little bit longer...

.

.

And Remus finally opened his eyes….

He found himself laying on his back, feeling the cold stone floor against his skin. His vision was blurry, as Remus shivered from the cold sweat that covered his body. A silhouette of a man was standing over him, saying something, but Remus couldn't understand him. The voice sounded far away. The only thing Remus could see was the man's bronze-framed glasses, glinting in the weak rays of sunlight, which were coming in from a small window above.

Moony...

The world began to sway, so Remus closed his eyes to make it stop.

Darkness began to take over once more….

"Wake up!" another person growled.

A sharp kick connected to Remus' ribs. He gasped in pain as he weakly covered his broken ribs with his hand. Before Remus knew it, gentle hands lifted his head, a potion was forced down his throat. Remus didn't fight back, there was no fight left in him.

In seconds, the pain subsided, causing Remus to sigh in relief. He opened his eyes to see the man standing over him. He began checking Remus' eyes with a bright light coming from his wand. Remus groaned. He tried to talk, but he couldn't form any words. His mouth was so dry.

Remus felt like he should know who the man was, but he was so disoriented, and couldn't even recognize the owner of the second voice. Remus couldn't figure out where he was, or what day it was, how long he'd been lost in the dark.

"You can't expect him to survive like this with barely any medical treatment. He's incredibly sick!" the man said as he wiped Remus' forehead with a damp cloth. "Keep this up, and you won't have a prisoner left after the full-moon."

Remus closed his eyes again, wondering who the man was talking to, wondering who was sick. The coolness of the cloth felt so good against Remus' burning skin.

"No, stay awake now, Lupin," the man said gently.

Remus groaned in protest.

I just want to sleep….

Not yet, love, not yet... That voice was so faint...barely a whisper... He wondered whose voice that was... It was painfully familiar... It kept him waking up.

Suddenly soft struggling was heard. Remus opened his eyes a crack, wondering where the noise was coming from. Once he saw who it was, everything came rushing back to him. Remus threw his eyes wide open as adrenaline rushed through the blood in his veins. He rolled away from the man and sat up. His whole body trembling as he bared his teeth into a growl. It was simply the power of the wolf that gave Remus the strength to move.

"Let her go," Remus rasped out, his voice barely audible enough to be heard. He could feel the heat of his fever radiating from his trembling body.

Greyback was holding Kaylie with his wand pressed to her throat.

"I don't know, Chase, Remus looks okay to me. He's sitting up, I think the mutt can manage another night or two." He bared his yellow teeth at Remus. "I've told you I was going to find a way to get you on the right side, son. You belong here, not with that old fool. I've noticed how difficult you've become when it comes to… How do you put it? Harming children? So make one wrong move and your friend's child gets hexed!"

Remus gasped at the hint of information Greyback purposely let slip.

"How did you..."

Nausea suddenly threatened Remus to lay back down. He felt himself swaying, his vision still slightly blurred, but Remus held himself together. It took everything he had to allow the wolf to show itself; borrowing its strength.

"How did I know?" Greyback laughed, as he pressed his wand harder against Kaylie's throat. Her face was stony, void of the fear Remus knew she must be feeling inside.

"How do you think our young Kaylie came to join us, Remus?" the werewolf growled, his red eyes shining in the shadows of the cellar. "Has Dumbledore ever told you the truth of how Johnathan Porter died?"

"It was... He said it was an ambush. That was all I was told. I didn't..." Remus' voice died away in shock.

After James and Lily died, after Sirius was sent off to Azkaban, and Harry was gone... Remus had disappeared from the wizarding world. He buried himself in meaningless muggle jobs to keep himself fed and sheltered. He couldn't bring himself to return to his parents' cabin deep in the woods. That belonged to a different time, to a different version of himself that he'd lost. And in those early years, Remus had lost himself to alcohol. It was the only thing that numbed him from the grief and pain at the loss of his friends. It was the only thing that helped Remus get through each day without them.

When the news of Johnathan Porter's death reached him, Remus never asked for the details. He'd merely accepted that he was ambushed. Grief and alcoholism had taken over Remus.

And so Remus had thought: What was one more dead friend to add to the load?

During that time the only news Remus expected to hear from the wizarding world was death.

"You killed him!" Remus tried to shout, but his voice came out hoarse. "You fucking killed him, you fucking, sick bastard! Merlin! You kidnapped his daughter and turned her into a werewolf?! An innocent child, you bastard! You're a monster!"

If only Remus had cared enough then to find out the truth about his friend's death. If only he had taken Kaylie before Greyback got a hold of her! Before he raised her! Remus blanched at the idea of a child being raised by Greyback, the horrors Kaylie might've seen. Remus didn't even want to know the things he'd taught her.

"Calm down, my son, the girl doesn't matter compared to you," Greyback crooned to him in a sick voice, it made Remus want to punch him in the face. "I'm giving you one last chance to see the errors of your ways. If you say yes, I'll be ready to accept you back into the family. One last chance, son, tell me your final decision, are you with us? If not, you shall face the consequences!"

Remus didn't say anything, still in shock from the information he'd just learned, sickened by the werewolf's words. Remus barely even registered what Greyback was asking him.

"Answer me, mutt, we are running out of time...the moon awaits us."

"No…"

Remus felt himself shake in horror at the thought of losing himself. Of becoming the powerful monster, Greyback claimed he's destined to become.

"I'll die...before I join you..."

Greyback growled with his eyes glinting in fury at Remus' answer.

Dark spots began to cloud his vision. And suddenly, Remus threw up all over the stone floor. He groaned, clutching his head between his hands, trying to stop the world from spinning...

Chase laid him down on his side gently, whispering soothing words of comfort. Remus couldn't understand a word he was saying.

"Remus is very sick, Greyback, infection is poisoning his blood. You must let me treat him or he won't survive the full-moon tonight in this condition!"

Greyback ignored the healer's words. He only growled, pushing Kaylie down to the floor next to Remus. A metal cuff appeared around her right ankle, chaining her to the wall. Remus tried to lift himself up. He wanted to protect the girl, but his body felt so weak. All he could do was reach out and grab her hand.

"What have I said about traitors, girl? What have I said about what happens to scum like you?"

She betrayed him? What did Kaylie do?

"Remus is going to die!" Kaylie shouted. She squeezed Remus' hand, but kept her gaze on their capturer. "You need to let Chase treat him! He can't live on those useless Pain Potions!"

"My orders were clear. No one associates with this animal! No one! After everything that I've done for you! After I raised you, and how do you repay me? By sneaking in here to associate with the prisoner, going against my orders, by convincing Chase to heal the mutt magically! Did you really think you were going to get away with this? Well, you thought wrong, you stupid girl! Because as of now, you are a prisoner along with this traitor!"

The werewolf knelt down and pulled Remus' head up by his hair, forcing Remus to look into his evil red-eyes.

"Maybe she can tell you what you did two days ago before you passed out, because all it takes to get you to cooperate is a few Pain Potions," Greyback laughed with malice.

Remus growled at him, wrenching his face away from Greyback's grip.

"Leave us!" Greyback shouted.

Chase quickly gathered up his supplies and left the cellar, leaving Greyback alone with his prisoners.

"No matter how hard you try to fight it, Remus, you are a werewolf. You are my son. You have shown me that you can be that. You just need to let go and forget Dumbledore, forget those humans you call friends! I wanted you to realize who you are and embrace it!"

"I'm not...your...son..." The strain on Remus' voice caused him to go into a coughing fit.

"I gave you so many chances and you've rejected them all. You call me a monster, but you don't see that you come from me. We're a part of each other. If I'm a monster, so are you, and together we can lead a strong pack for the Dark Lord, but you turn away from me… And now you must be punished. Kaylie is going to stay here, chained in the cellar tonight, so tomorrow when the sun rises, you can see the monster you're holding inside yourself."

"Kaylie can't stay here... When that full-moon rises... I'll kill her!" Remus gasped, trying to breathe between coughs. Greyback sounded insane to Remus. He couldn't stand the thought of joining him. He'll rather die. And if Greyback thought by having Remus kill Kaylie was going to break him, he was wrong. Because if Remus' wolf succeeds tonight, then Remus swore he wasn't going to be submissive and join him. He wasn't going to do what Greyback expected him to do. No, he was going to kill him.

Greyback laughed out loud. "Enjoy the full-moon, traitorous mutts!"

Greyback prepared to leave. Kaylie was struggling with the chains, trying to break free. Remus tried to get up again, but pain shot through his chest. He couldn't breathe, he could feel his heart skipping beats in his chest, the pressure causing him to cough even more. Remus rolled over onto his stomach as he yelled out in pain. A wave of nausea washed over him. Remus swallowed the bile rising up in his throat.

"No... Greyback...please…" And it killed Remus to say those words, to beg for Kaylie's life. It shredded the last of his dignity that Remus had held onto. But for Kaylie, he'll give it all up.

The thought of his wolf form tearing Kaylie apart flashed in Remus' mind. And he knew he couldn't live with himself if she didn't live to see another morning. This sacrifice only meant one last chance to save her. He had failed Johnathan Porter, he failed Kaylie as a child, but now, maybe, Remus could make up for it. It was the only way, and Remus hated himself for it within every inch of his soul.

Remus choked out the words, "Greyback, wait..."

Greyback stopped by the cellar door, eyes glaring at him intensely, waiting for Remus to continue.

"I'll... I'll do it... I'll join you and the pack, my...family..." Remus kept his eyes away from Greyback, anywhere but him.

"I gave you chances and you've rejected every one of them! You're only doing it to save her! I want your true loyalty, Remus!" Greyback shouted. "Now, if you want to join, prove yourself to me, son, by killing her! Tomorrow morning when the sun rises and its rays shine on her blood, then you are mine!"

"No! Just let her go!" Remus pleaded.

But Greyback didn't wait for anymore protests. He wrenched open the cellar door, slamming it shut behind him and he was gone.

"No!" Remus tried his best to shout, but it only resulted in more coughing, and he couldn't stop, gasping for air. Once Remus was able to take a deep breath and exhale, did he whisper, "Kaylie, I'm sorry..."

"It's not your fault, Remus, there's nothing you can do... It's hopeless..."

Remus didn't say anything in return. What could you say in a situation like this? Where in an hour, he was destined to kill her. Kaylie was right. It was hopeless, and Remus desperately wanted to die. He curled himself up into a ball, closing his eyes. The wolf inside him was restless, howling mournfully. Remus knew it was longing to be free. If he was lucky, Chase and Kaylie would be proven right, that he wouldn't survive the transformation tonight. If he was lucky, Remus would die, and Kaylie won't be in danger from him.

After a few moments, Kaylie gently pulled Remus' head onto her lap.

"We'll be okay, Remus. We'll figure something out."

Remus opened his eyes to darkness, he couldn't see.

"What did Greyback mean earlier? What did I do?..." he whispered.

"You don't want to know," Kaylie choked out.

"Tell me."

Remus rubbed his eyes with his hands, searching for his last memories... It was so hard, he kept getting confused with memories from his past... Death Eaters force feeding him Pain Potion came to the surface... Then everything was blank… They'd drugged him.

"After you were overdosed on the Pain Potion, your mind was gone. You weren't you anymore. You were like…completely blank and confused. You didn't know who you were or where you were. So you couldn't control your wolf. The kid that was fighting you, Ben, he was provoking you, trying to get you to fight back and eventually you lost it. You lost control and...and..." Kaylie stopped talking.

Remus could feel her shaking as Kaylie ran her hand through his matted hair. Remus realized he could scent dried blood on himself. He could feel it caked onto his skin. Remus felt dirty, and he knew he smelled. And the worst part of it that scared Remus down to his core was the scent of blood that wasn't his own, hidden underneath the stench of his own blood and body odor.

"Did I hurt Ben?" Remus whispered. "Just tell me, Kaylie. I'm a grown man. I can take it."

Remus heard the girl sobbed for a couple of moments. He waited patiently until Kaylie pulled herself together.

"You turned completely savage, Remus. You were in your human form, but you were wild and bloodthirsty like your wolf. You killed Ben, along with several other kids that fought against you. The Death Eaters had to stun you to bring you back here. After that, you fell into a terrible fever. You were incoherent for the past two days. Chase and I thought you were going to die, until Chase gave me a potion to help you fight the infection. I was only able to give you one drop, until I was caught. That's why I'm in here now. That's why you're awake, because that one drop was able to fight your infection for a little while, but it isn't enough. Chase said that you'll be okay for a few hours along with the Pain Potion, but there's poison in your blood. It's going to kill you. You're going to get sicker again if you're not treated."

Remus' mind began to tone out her voice.

I killed children? Oh, God, I killed children!

Remus rolled away from Kaylie, blindly feeling his way as he dragged himself to the other side of the cellar. When he felt a wall, he slowly sat up, leaning his back against it. Remus could feel a small breeze tickling his skin, and he knew he must be sitting under the small window. Remus buried his head in his arms, trying to fight off the bout of nausea the moving caused him.

I killed children! Remus realized again in shock. He could hear them screaming in his mind. The blood on his skin began to burn. The blood of innocent children. Greyback is right, I'm a monster!

Remus could hear the quiet sniffles, could scent the salt in the air, and he knew Kaylie was crying. If she stayed here, there was a good chance that his wolf would fight with Kaylie's younger wolf form. She was a stranger to the wolf. After being isolated for years during the full-moons, Remus' wolf was highly unsociable and dangerous. The only living things the wolf allowed to live were his pack.

Prongs, Padfoot, Lily, and Harry… But they were gone, and Moony was alone.

Maybe I'll be too weak to fight her. Maybe Kaylie will have a chance to kill me.

But if Kaylie did succeed in killing him, Remus didn't want that guilt weighing heavily on her shoulders for the rest of her life. Remus just had to hope that his body wouldn't take the strain of the change, killing the wolf.

There was nothing he could do. And Remus realized again that Kaylie was right. It was hopeless. He was so stupid to think that help would ever come for him. Remus wanted to fight his way out, but there was no way…. They were locked in this cellar, chained to the wall. They didn't have wands. Werewolves, agitated for the change tonight, surrounded the place.

They stayed that way for the last hour. Remus with his back against the wall and Kaylie staying where she was. None of them spoke.

Remus wasn't ready. The first shudder rippled through his body. He clenched his teeth, fighting back his own transformation.

Suddenly, the sound of many werewolves howling ranged all around them. The werewolves above did not fight back the change, they embraced it. But not Remus, he hated who he was. He was going to fight the monster inside of him with every ounce of strength he had. He could hear Kaylie struggling to fight her own transformation as well. Remus wondered if this was the first time she resisted the change, since Greyback had probably taught her to embrace who she was.

Kaylie suddenly screamed, her voice full of pain, from the breaking of bones and changing muscles. Remus felt his own bones begin to break and he screamed out at the dizzying pain.

This is going to be bad… was Remus' last thought before his body began to completely change, his mind taken over by the wolf. The silver moonlight shone down on him, causing his amber eyes to glow as he let out a long piercing scream.

.

.

The wolf growled from the darkness. He lifted his muzzle into the moonlight. Energy and strength filled his body, soothing the wolf's sore muscles. He could feel how weak the human was. The wolf could feel the wounds on him, the sickness in his blood. But he was still strong, still full of pent up rage and energy.

A scent suddenly reached the wolf's senses. Inhaling deeply, with his eyes closed, he realized it was the scent of a she-wolf...a stranger…an enemy, to his missing pack. The wolf growled as he opened his deep amber eyes, stepping into the moonlight. He let out a long, deep howl, before turning his head with bared sharp fangs to the enemy who was hiding in the shadows.

Thank you for leaving your reviews!

EKP: Thank you for the review! And don't worry about it being in polish. Thanks to google translate, I was able to figure out what you said. It's so awesome to hear that you love my story, especially how you don't like Snape. It's hard to read a fanfic about a character you don't particularly like. Maybe, by the end of my story, Snape will grow on and you won't hate him as much haha. Anyways I hope you enjoyed this new chapter, even if it was a bit short!

Jamage: I'm glad you're still reading it! Haha, thank you for reviewing and yes! I want to yell at myself for making Harry so stubborn. But your right, Harry needs to figure it out on his own, and Severus will be there every step of the way.

Caraline Fisher: Thank you for your review! Yes, Harry needs a hug The poor kid is so confused right now. Oh and Harry's wand was taken away for his habit of cutting, once he breaks that habit, Severus will give Harry back his wand.

Cynder2013: Let's see how long his patience for Harry will last haha… and I hope you enjoyed this chapter! Thank you for reviewing!

SevHarry: Thank you for reviewing and enjoying my story. Yes it breaks my heart too to have Harry like that He is so lucky Severus is there to help him. I hoped this chapter was enjoyable for you and you were able to find out a little more about Moony soon.

Dailey2008Jon: Yeah lol but he is still a teenager after all so of course he is going to complain. I'm still trying to make Harry act a little childish, just because he deserves to be childish after everything he's been through. Oh and I loved your review, it made me laugh and then people thought I was weird for randomly laughing haha :D