Chapter 47. The Perma-Grin

On Monday morning, Nathan walked to his office with a perma-grin on his face. At least that's what Allie would call it. She said it was the term for when a grin is permanently fixed on your face. And, well, after last night, Nathan knew it would take a heck of a lot to get that grin off. So finally, he understood exactly what Allie had been taking about.

When he came in the door of the Mountie office, Nathan nearly tripped over a little basket left in front of the door. He picked it up happily, recognizing the handwriting on the card that sat on top. Nathan. It said, written in Julia's beautiful penmanship. And that was enough to make his heart rate quicken.

Inside the basket were two things that he loved, a blueberry muffin and a batch of her cinnamon cookies. he had no idea when she'd had time to bake the cookies. But if she had slept anything like he did, then she had slept like a baby, peaceful and content, and had woken up early, too.

Nathan slowly opened the card. On the front was a picture of a beautiful sunset and Julia, in her own hand, had written a Bible verse. One of his very favorites. "Every good and perfect gift is from above, coming down from the Father of the heavenly lights, who does not change like shifting shadows." James 1:17

He opened the card and read:

My Dearest Nathan,

Words cannot express my gratitude for the beautiful, exquisite bookshelf. Thank you for this lovely gift, that I will treasure always.

As well, thank you for the lovely dinners- both of them. Thank you for all of the tender attention that you put into making both nights very special. Your thoughtfulness has touched my heart.

And most of all, thank you for loving me. I count it as one of my life's most wonderful, undeserved blessings. You are a precious gift to me.

Yours always,

J

It was a little early yet, so Nathan walked across the street to the infirmary. After the card she left, he just couldn't wait to see her. Just as he was about to put his hand on the knob of the infirmary door, he heard her voice behind him.

"I don't remember seeing your name on my list of appointments today, Lawman." Julia called out.

Nathan froze and a playful smile spread across his face, as he turned around to face her. "Well, Nurse, I'm what you call a walk-in." He said with his crooked smile, his head tilted to one side. "Do you think you could find it in your heart to work me in?"

She melted. "Well, that depends. Do you have anything good to eat in your office?" Julia asked him, matching his charming smile and also tilting her head to one side.

"I might." He said, still smiling at her. She looked beautiful today, radiant in a lavender skirt and crisp white blouse. Her hair was up and tendrils were falling all around. Her cheeks were rosy and her eyes dancing. "There was a basket full of goodies outside my door this morning." He reported, not taking his eyes off of her.

"Was there? Well, it's very important to let our law enforcement know how very much they are appreciated." Julia teased, "Someone must really appreciate you."

Nathan stepped closer and took her hand in his, and got serious, "Well, I feel loved and appreciated. So, mission accomplished. I was just coming over to thank you."

"You are very welcome, Nathan." Julia said, also serious, looking up at him.

He looked behind her and asked, curious, "Where are you coming from?"

"A little walk. I woke up a little too early this morning." She confessed.

He chuckled, knowing the feeling. "Me, too." Nathan said, "Though, I woke up wondering when I would get to see you again."

"And look, here we are." She said, teasing him. "Seeing each other."

Nathan looked at her, his heart full. It was the perfect start of the day, to see her. "It didn't take us long did it?" He lightly joked. "But, Jules, that's not exactly what I meant." Nathan clarified, playfully. He wanted more. "When can I spend time with you again?" He asked.

"Well, I'm not sure, Lawman." She said tilting her head again and smiling up at him.

Nathan slowly lifted her hand to his lips and gently kissed it. He saw her take a deep breath. He asked, "How about a walk this evening? What time are you finished at the infirmary today?"

"5:30 p.m." Julia said, still smiling up at him. "A walk with you would be very nice."

"I'll be here at 5:30." He said, as he kissed her hand one more time. Nathan slowly let go, and started to walk down the stairs, but turned back and added, "But if you get hungry for cookies, remember my office is just across the street."

"I'll remember that. See you at 5:30, Lawman." Julia said, giving him a little wave as he crossed the street.

After school, Allie came by the infirmary, to see Julia. She snuck in when her Dad's office door was closed. Allie and Julia talked for a while and set times to meet this week, to finish Allie's painting for Father's Day. Allie just knew her Dad was going to love it.

When Julia let her out the back door, Allie gave her a big, long hug. Something about that hug very tenderly touched Julia's heart. Julia realized just how much she had also become attached to Allie.

At 5:30 p.m. sharp, Nathan closed up his office and walked across the street. Julia saw him through the window and came out to meet him on the infirmary porch. She looked just as content as he was, for some time together.

"Hi." He said as he stood before her, looking handsome in his henley. It was quite hot today, so now that he was off work, he left his serge hanging in his office.

"Good evening, Constable." Julia replied. He took her hand and they started walking towards the church, enjoying the cooler breeze that was setting in.

As they walked hand in hand, Julia was quiet, contemplating how to bring up a certain subject. After the way Allie had hugged her today, she really wanted to talk to him about it. So, she decided to ask. "Nathan, I would like to talk to you about something."

Nathan looked at her, and said, "Please tell me." She loved the way she could just talk to him about anything.

"Well, I was wondering how you would feel about Allie calling me Julia? I know you insist on formalities, to teach her honor and respect, and I totally agree. But, now that we are courting, would you consider a change, just for me?" Julia asked.

Nathan thought for a minute, he hadn't considered this. Julia and Allie had a very special connection, and Julia might one day be a sort of mother to Allie. Perhaps it was appropriate for them to be a little more familiar.

"I think it's a great idea, Julia. You should be more familiar with Allie, now that we are courting." He paused, smiling that she took so much care for Allie. "Would you let me talk to Allie about it?"

Julia smiled, "Of course, Nathan. I just wanted to mention it. But, I leave the decision ultimately up to you, and Allie."

Nathan was touched by Julia's offer to get closer to Allie. The more familiar name was a small thing, but would mean a lot to Allie. She adored Julia, and would probably love the idea.

They walked along a little while longer, and Julia asked, "Nathan, I was wondering if you would like to continue playing one question?"

Nathan looked at her and said, "I actually wanted to ask you the same thing. I like playing, and getting to know more about you, Jules. So, if you are willing, I would love to continue."

Julia replied, "I would like to continue as well. Would you like to go first? Do you still have questions for me, on your list?" She asked.

"Of course I do, Jules. It's a question I've been wanting to ask for a while, and I hope it's not too sensitive. If you don't want to answer, I can pick another one." He said. She nodded yes, not phased one bit, she didn't have anything to hide from him.

"Ok, then. Jules, one question: Have you ever been in love? I mean…before?" He asked her, smiling gently down at her.

She looked down and tried to figure the best way to tell her story. Julia wanted to be honest, but also sensitive to his feelings. She took her time in answering.

Julia finally took a deep breath and started, "If you are asking about previous men in my life, well, there was only one. Though, looking back I don't think we were really in love." She paused and looked back up at him. "His name was John, he was the older brother of my best friend, Sarah. I mentioned before that her dad was the lighthouse keeper. And as kids, John, Sarah, Jake, and I, we made up quite a foursome. We were inseparable and always together. We got into a lot of trouble, though usually the innocent kind of trouble. Late for dinner, sneaking out to sleep in the lighthouse together, practical jokes, the normal kid stuff."

Julia continued, "Then Jake left home, and well, we all grew up. Sarah and I continued to be best friends. But, John started to be interested in me romantically. I was young and he was handsome and charming. He said all the right things, a real sweet-talker. And somehow, I agreed to court him." She paused to look down. When she looked back up at him, she said softly, "I didn't know the first thing about love."

Julia looked timid now, but continued. "But back then, I thought we were in love. He left for his studies when I was 16, and he promised to come back for me. He said he wanted to marry me. But, he never came back, and I never heard from him again."

She explained, clarity in her eyes. "I think he was just in love with the way I looked, and he wanted me on his arm. I was in love with the way things were, when we were kids and the four of us were best friends."

Julia continued, "John changed when he got older, and I didn't even realize it. I didn't want to see it. But, he did change, and for the worst. And, honestly, I think I dodged a bullet. Because, according to Jake, John didn't turn out so well." She paused, "Sometimes, things just work out the way they are supposed to. Even though it's hard to admit, at the time of the heartbreak."

Nathan nodded, completely agreeing with her statement that sometimes things just work out right. He had felt that way more than once in his life, and now, most recently, related to his love life.

He knew he should tell her about Elizabeth, since he asked her about her previous love. Not to mention that he had seen Elizabeth and Little Jack coming out of the infirmary on Thursday. Nathan was going to have to tell her sooner or later. And, he wanted to get it over with. Now he just hoped Julia would ask.

"And, you, Nathan?" She paused and looked up at him to gauge if he would be willing to talk about his almost relationship with Elizabeth. Julia had heard about it from a few different people, but never from him. She wanted to hear his side of the story. "You were in love with Elizabeth?"

Nathan looked at the ground in front of them and took a deep breath. He was ready to tell her. So, he started, "Looking back, I think I fell in love with the idea of Elizabeth. She held certain values and convictions similar to mine, and she was a good person. She possessed qualities I wanted in a significant other, plus I felt this duty to protect her. So, I began to let myself like her. But from there, the whole thing got away from me." He explained, though not happy with his explanation. He decided to go about it a different route.

So, Nathan took another deep breath, and began again, "When Colleen and I were kids, she had this toy. It was a wooden box with little holes in the shape of a square, circle and other geometrical shapes. It came with different shape pegs, and only the right shape peg would fit in the same shape hole. With Elizabeth, I think I was trying to put a square peg where a circle should go. I liked who she was back then, and I thought I wanted her to be my true love. But, she just wasn't. I began to realize it about the time she rejected me. But, by that time I was so invested in the possibility of her and I, that I was heartbroken."

He continued, "And looking back now, that last year was so full of angst and strife. That should have been an indication that we were not meant to be. Love shouldn't be so hard. I think when you find the right person, it just makes sense, it should fit easily, the piece of the puzzle fits easily. Like those pegs on the wooden box."

Julia knew exactly what he meant. The way she and Nathan fit together was so unlike anything else she had ever known. Whether with John, or the men who had taken her to dinner in Calgary, something was always lacking - it just didn't make sense. Only with Nathan had she ever been able to imagine the future.

Nathan kept explaining, "Since I got Allie, I had never taken the time or given place for the possibility of love in my life. I just focused on her and my work. I think my friendship with Elizabeth had a lot to do with my waking up to that possibility. Realizing that it was possible and even okay for me to consider someone in my life. Elizabeth just wasn't meant to be that person. I can see it now looking back, but it took me a little too long to realize, and even longer to accept it." Nathan paused and stopped, and turned to face Julia.

His eyes got serious then, but were full of clarity. As clear as the deep blue ocean. "Hindsight is always 20/20. Sometimes it takes seeing what is right to realize what was wrong. When I'm with you, there is no strife." He said reaching for her other hand too, "There is a lot of chemistry, and butterflies, and racing of my heart, and nervousness. But, there is no strife nor angst. It's easy to be with you, and I can talk to you. When I leave you, I am not second guessing everything I said or did, beating myself up for not being more or less romantic. I am just simply looking forward to the next time I get to see you, thinking of all the things I want to tell you or that I can't wait to say to you. Or when Allie does something funny, or even makes trouble, I just want to know what you would say about it. I can't stop thinking about you, and you invade my thoughts all day long. And then, I find myself wondering when is the next time I get to see you…"

Nathan's words were cut off as she wrapped her arms around the back of his neck and gently brought his head down. Her lips were so close to his as Julia whispered, "I know exactly what you mean." He looked into her eyes, and saw his love equaled and returned, in their depths.

That was all Nathan needed, and he brought his lips the rest of the way, with an urgency and a sweetness. As soon as their lips met, she felt the butterflies take flight. His arms went gently around her. So many feelings and emotions that had been building, culminated as they kissed each other. They had heard each other's stories of the past, of what had not been, and those things fell gently away. Now, the possibilities of the future, of what could be, burned intensely between them. And the kiss deepened; he felt her hands in the back of his hair, and she felt his arms tighten around her. The passion flowed as neither wanted the kiss to end. They finally broke apart to catch their breath, resting their foreheads together and looking at each other. Her eyes were soft, but completely certain, and his eyes were so full of love. His lips turned up into a crooked smile. She smiled also, and he brought his lips to hers once more. It was more gentle now, love flowing, flowering, between them.

When they finally pulled back from each other, Nathan smiled. He was amazed that no matter how many times he kissed her, still he wanted more. Julia was the most beautiful, intriguing, captivating woman he had ever known, and he was drawn to her like a moth to a flame. Like electricity, like something magnetic. He still couldn't get over his feelings, so certain and so sure. She was the one, and there was no other.

As the light in the sky started to fade, Julia realized she had no idea where they were. She had walked along blindly, nervous and focused on carefully sharing her story. She had just followed Nathan, letting him lead her by the hand. Now, he also noticed the late afternoon changing to dusk and looked at her, calculating the time to get back down to Hope Valley.

"We should head back, Jules. As much as I'd love to stay here with you a little longer, we need to make it back before the light fades." Nathan said, still holding her close.

Julia nodded her head and said, "I'm following you, Lawman. I didn't even pay attention where you brought me." She said, with a soft giggle.

"So you are completely at my mercy, Nurse Matthews?" He asked teasing her.

"I guess so, Lawman. What will you do with me?" Julia joked.

"I might kiss you a few more times." Nathan said, giving her a cute little peck on the lips.

"I might be okay with that." She replied, smiling flirtatiously at him.

Nathan kissed her one more time, slow and gentle, and then turned them back toward Hope Valley. He kept her hand comfortably in his, their fingers intertwined, as they started back.

By the time they got all the way down and to Julia's door, dusk was upon them. He gave her one more kiss, and held her as they said good-bye.

As he walked home, he could think of only one thing. The diamond ring in the velvet bag safely tucked away in his top drawer at home. How long would he be able to wait before giving it to her? Especially as he considered how very deeply he was in love with her.