Chapter 48. Paintings from the Trunk

On Tuesday morning, Nathan went to see Lee in his office. Nathan needed the stairs behind the Mountie office worked on and knew he could count on Lee to recommend someone good. Nathan told Lee about the project for the upstairs classroom and what he needed done there, too. Lee could spare three guys and would send them over in the afternoon to have a look and prepare a quote for all the work.

As Nathan left Lee's office and walked back towards the Mountie office, he felt happy about the progress he was making. Just before he entered his office, he looked over at the infirmary, missing her.

Julia had noticed the door of the Mountie office open several times throughout the morning. But, when she finally had the time to go over, the door was now closed. Perfect timing, she thought to herself, Nathan must be out.

She tried the knob anyway, and found it unlocked. As she opened the door, she was disappointed to find that Nathan was not there, just as she had suspected. But, she decided to leave him a little note.

When she came around behind his chair, she found two photos from the Valley Voice displayed on his desk. First, was the photo of her and Nathan dancing together, and next to it, Nathan had also set out the photo of Julia, Allie, Opal and Emily painting. When she saw that he had so sweetly displayed these two photos, right there on his desk, her hand absentmindedly went to her heart.

Julia opened his top drawer and found a little pile of paper. She carefully took out one piece, and scribbled him a little note. From her pocket, she retrieved a flower she had picked this morning on her walk to the pond, and set it on top of the note.

When Nathan came up the stairs and entered his office, he was still trying to come up with a good excuse to go across the street. He just couldn't wait to see Julia today. But, he decided to get a little work done first.

However, as he sat down at his desk, he found the flower and her little note.

Dearest Nathan,

I find myself unable to keep my mind off of you this morning. I hope you don't mind I stopped by. Sadly, l missed you, but you know where to find me.

Love,

J

P.S. I love you.

That was the drop in the bucket. Nathan stood right up and walked across the street. When he entered the infirmary, he found Julia alone, with her back turned as she restocked one of the shelves. She turned around when she heard the door close.

When their eyes met, Nathan stood motionless and gazed at her a few seconds. But then, he came quickly across the room, softly took her face, and gently kissed her. She hadn't been ready for it and as soon as their lips met, she let out a soft moan. When he heard her audible response to his kiss, it made it virtually impossible to stop kissing her. When he finally managed to pull back a little, he didn't let go of her face, but looked into her eyes and said, "I love you, too."

Julia smiled, realizing he had found her note. And all of this was his response to the simple P.S. at the bottom of her letter. "You got my note." She said breathlessly.

"Yes I did. And, I haven't been able to take my mind off of you, either. So, I thought it best to just come over and kiss you." He said, matter of fact.

"That's your answer to our little problem? To kiss me?" Julia teased him with a soft smile.

"Do you have a better idea?" Nathan asked her with his crooked smile.

"Is there one? Seems a proper solution, if you ask me." And, at that, she brought her lips to his once more. She kissed him sweet and gentle, her arms coming around his strong back to help steady herself.

When he finally pulled back again, he still held her face in his strong hands. He kept his face close to hers as they both smiled at each other, catching their breath and calming.

"Good morning, Jules." He said, still unable to believe how wonderful it was to kiss her.

"Good morning, Lawman." She answered, quite certain she was going to be stuck with the butterflies for the duration of the day.

All of a sudden, they heard the door of the infirmary open so they both jumped back a foot and tried to look innocent. It was only Faith, who laughed out loud when she saw them, standing there trying to look as if nothing had been going on. Faith didn't lose a beat but just kept on walking to her desk as she said, "You two aren't fooling anybody."

Julia just smiled timidly at him, with a deer-in-the-headlights sort of look. He chuckled and headed toward the door. He turned back just before he reached the knob, "Jules, can I pick you up after work?"

"Yes, Constable. That would be acceptable." Julia answered with a polite nod, making a little joke of trying to sound innocent in front of Faith, who only laughed out loud again.

"5:30?" He asked.

"Perfect." Julia answered, already excited. And he was gone.

After school, Allie came by and she and Julia worked on Nathan's painting for a few hours. It was coming along very nicely. Allie was a natural and really had an eye for color and brushstroke placement. Julia was convinced it was a natural aptitude that she inherited from Colleen. An artistic gift must run in the family, because Nathan was also very artistic, though with wood and music.

When they were done painting for the day, Allie left quickly by the back door before her Dad was due to pick up Julia.

As the clock neared 5:30, Julia hung up her nurses apron and readied herself for her walk with Nathan. She saw him step out of the Mountie office and lock the door, so she went out to meet him. When he turned around and saw her waiting for him, his face lit up. Julia knew she would never get tired of seeing him smile. He had the very best kind of smile, one that was not only contagious, but could light you up on the inside. His smile communicated so much, so deeply, in one small gesture. Julia adored his smile.

He walked up the stairs to meet her and took her hand. He kissed it and smiled at her, again. And just like that, all her insides went to mush.

"Hi, Jules." He said.

"Hi, Lawman." She replied.

Julia looked so amused that Nathan asked, "What are you smiling at?"

"You." She said, telling the truth. "I like your smile."

"Jules, if I'm smiling, it's because of you." He answered her. He stepped towards her and came very close to say, "And I like your smile, too." He always knew just what to say to touch her heart.

She wished she could kiss him right there on the street. But, Julia restrained herself, convinced that they were already the talk of the town again, after the photo of them dancing in the Valley Voice. So, she just looked lovingly at him and held tight to his hand.

Nathan led her along the boardwalk and out to the road and toward the pond. They walked hand in hand for a long time, chatting about their day.

When they arrived at the same turn out as Sunday, they took it. Julia looked up at Nathan and asked, "Would you like to play one question today, Lawman?"

"Yes I would love to, Jules." He said smiling his crooked smile.

"How many more questions could there be on your list?" She asked.

"Well, let me ask you this. Have you run out of questions for me?" Nathan asked her, in response.

"No. I certainly haven't yet." Julia smiled up at him.

"Well, neither have I." He smiled back at her.

"Ok then, ask away, Lawman." She replied.

Nathan looked at her as they walked, judging whether or not he could ask the question he really wanted to. Was she ready to tell him the story? He didn't want to upset her, but he wanted to be there for her, to know something deeper about her. So, he asked. "Jules, I have wanted to ask you more about your Dad, since I saw the lighthouse painting. But, if you are not ready to talk about it, I understand. You don't have to. I will gladly pick another question." He paused to make sure she was ready. She nodded, agreeing to the terms. "Will you tell me what happened to him?"

Julia had been preparing for this one since Nathan saw the painting. She knew he would eventually ask, and she wanted to tell him all about it. She wanted to share these deep hurts with him. And, even though she had tried to prepare herself, when the question came, she still didn't feel ready. At the same time, Julia had been wanting to ask Nathan about his own father. Julia knew that if she wanted him to open that dark place, she would have to do the same. And, perhaps it should be her to take the first step.

He looked down at her and realized her eyes had already filled with tears, and her chin had an unmistakable quiver. He stopped walking and faced her.

"Jules, you don't have to..." He said but she cut him off, with a nod. A lone tear escaped.

"I want to, Nathan." Julia said, with a beautiful, gentle determination. She took a deep breath and looked up at him, drawing strength from the love that met her there, in his eyes. "My father had a heart condition that we didn't know about." She paused and took his other hand, so that both her hands were in his. "I don't think I ever told you that I had a sister, Debbie, who was born between Jake and me. She would have been three years older than me, but she died when she was two months old. She had a heart problem, probably the same heart condition my Father had, though Debbie's was much more severe. So little was known back then. We now know it was a hereditary condition. But, no one ever put two and two together until Dad died." She paused, explaining. "I did a lot of research and studied his case with many of my Cardiologist colleagues in Calgary. That's the only reason Jake and I now know what we do."

She looked down the path and then back at him, deep in his eyes where she found more strength, rivers and rivers of strength. "After the Titanic sunk, so many rules and regulations for ship-building became more stringent. Many of the existing vessels my Father had built were scrutinized and inspected unfairly. Which resulted in a lot of added stress for Dad." She explained, tears were gently falling now. Nathan felt tears welled up in his own eyes. "That stress aggravated his sleeping heart condition. Until one day, he had a major heart attack, a widow-maker, it's called." She looked down at their hands, her brow furrowed. "He went very fast. There was nothing that could be done." She couldn't look him in the eye. "I didn't make it back in time. Neither did Jake." Nathan realized that meant her father had been alone when he died, which obviously was still a source of great pain for Julia. She looked up at him then, and he saw her face was strained and solemn, tears falling quicker now. That was a truth that still haunted her.

Nathan pulled her into his arms and held her tight. "Oh, Julia…I'm so sorry." He said sadly, his own eyes wet with tears now. He felt her shake with soft sobs and pulled her even closer. He lowered the side of his cheek on the top of her head and held her a long time after the last soft sob subsided. When she pulled back a little, she stood close but took a handkerchief from her pocket and wiped her face.

Nathan remembered how hard it was to lose someone suddenly. Losing Colleen had been a shock, even with the two days it took for her to pass, following the accident. He couldn't imagine losing someone the way Julia had lost her father. There one day and gone the next.

After a little while, Julia looked up again. "It feels good to talk about it. I haven't been able to until just recently."

Ever since Julia had said the word hereditary, Nathan felt terribly worried. He couldn't bear the thought of losing her, and didn't think he would be able to breath normally until he knew. So when she was calm, he gently asked. "Jules…have you been checked... for the same heart condition?"

Julia found it sweet that he was worried about her. "Yes. After Dad passed so suddenly, I insisted that Jake and I both be checked. We are both fine." He smiled, so very relieved to hear that, as he tucked a loose hair behind her ear. He gazed at her so intensely, all of her emotions came right back to the surface. With a shaky voice, she whispered, "But, thank you for being worried about me."

Nathan gently touched her face, lightly caressing her cheek with his thumb. He said softly, "Of course I would be worried, Jules. You mean so much to me."

Her eyes seemed to fill with tears again as she said, "I love you, Nathan Grant."

He pulled her back into his arms again, and she buried her face there in his strong chest. She put her arms firm around his waist and back, and clung to him. She stayed there, in her place, where she felt safe and loved. She took strength from his embrace, and felt secure. When they pulled back, he kept ahold of her hands and asked if she had a question for him.

Julia looked pensive. She had wanted to ask this one for a while, ever since she noticed that Nathan didn't call his father Dad, but Archie. However, she had been apprehensive to ask it. She thought that perhaps today, after sharing so much, he would be willing to talk about it. So, she asked. "Nathan, I would like to ask you about your father. But, if you don't want to talk about him, I understand. I can ask a different question."

His brow furrowed, but after all that she had shared, he wanted to share, too. "Well, what would you like to know?"

"Tell me about him, Nathan. Why do you call him Archie?" Julia asked.

Nathan began, "Jules, you already know that he had a drinking and gambling problem. He would steal from his own family, and gamble it away. And, well, Colleen and I were terribly ashamed of him. He was in and out of prison for as long as I can remember. When Mom forbid him to come home anymore, he only got into more trouble. It was a dismal downward spiral." Nathan said, the anger clear in his eyes. "He hadn't acted like a father in a very long time. In fact, the last memory I even have of him being a Dad, was the Okanagan Valley trip, when I was 7 or 8. Somewhere along the way, in my brokenness and anger, I stopped calling him Dad and used his first name."

Nathan has tears in his eyes as he continued, "Archie was in prison at the time of Colleen's death, so he wasn't even at the funeral. I kept tabs on him through the Mounties, but I didn't hear anything from him for many, many years. Until a couple of years ago, he showed up in Hope Valley. He wanted to make amends with me, and to meet Allie." He paused and looked down at their intertwined hands, seeming to take strength from their togetherness. "I was so angry. I wouldn't even hear of it, and didn't want him anywhere near Allie. But, after giving him a chance, I realized that he had really changed. And, I couldn't hold onto my anger forever…it wasn't healthy." He paused again, taking a deep breath. "I let Allie meet him, and she's still in touch with him. They write letters back and forth. I occasionally get letters, too. He's in Union City working in a furniture cooperative. He's a carpenter by trade." Nathan looked at her with a shy grin, "And, this time his rehabilitation seems to have stuck. I still have guys keeping tabs on him, and if his name came across their desk, they would let me know. I haven't heard anything since his visit to Hope Valley."

Nathan saw that Julia had tears in her eyes as she asked, "So, you were able to forgive him?"

Nathan gave a flat, uncomfortable grin as he said, "Well, maybe not exactly. It's," he looked down the path and back at her, "very complicated." He said, letting out a long breath. "We just kind of came to an understanding. And, we are on better terms now."

She nodded, sad that they couldn't do any better than that. But realized she couldn't know what it was like to grow up under the conditions Nathan had known. "Maybe someday you will be able to." She said, with tears in her eyes again, meaning to encourage him.

He looked down at the ground and then back up at her, clearly uncomfortable. When he finally looked back at her, she realized he also had tears in his eyes. He just said a soft, emotional, "Maybe," in a broken voice. She left it at that, as she reached up and wiped a lone tear that had escaped down his soft cheek.

He pulled her back into his arms again, as this time it was he who sought comfort. He put his cheek against her hair, and she held him so tightly around his back. Her breath was soft on his neck and he felt his breathing fall into rhythm with hers. He felt a few more tears on his cheeks, but only held her fast as he felt so much of his anger melt away. He wanted to forgive Archie, but he wasn't sure he was ready yet. And there was so much there to deal with, like an onion - layer after layer. Rome wasn't built in a day, and it would take a long, lengthy, arduous effort from Archie, from both of them, to work through their differences. They would need to rebuild from scratch if they were ever to have a relationship again. And, standing here with Julia in his arms, giving him hope that anything was possible, Nathan felt almost optimistic about it. He might be ready to at least write to Archie.

Nathan pulled back from Julia just enough to look into her eyes. He wanted to see what he would find there. He had to know if she was disappointed in him, that he couldn't forgive that easily. But, he was only met with adoration in her gaze, along with acceptance and unconditional love. He couldn't help himself, and he kissed her. He needed to feel that union with her, that closeness. He kissed her long and gentle, and she found comfort in his tender kiss.

When he pulled back from her, he gently caressed her cheek again, and gazed at her lovingly. He wanted to stay just like that forever, but realized that the sky was changing. They needed to get back to Hope Valley before dark. He took her hand and they started slowly walking back, without saying much at all. Just enjoying the closeness against the backdrop of the sad subject matter. They were both quite somber now, but that was okay. Neither needed to fix anything for the other, it was enough, just to be there. To hold the other's hand, to share the other's burden, to love each other. That was the beauty of togetherness - when you don't have the answer, you can just love. And, that was what both of them needed above all else…love.

When they arrived at Julia's front door, it was nearly dark. He stepped up on her porch with her, and held her once more. For a long time. After sharing these deep hurts, they clung to each other, not wanting to separate, not wanting to leave the safety of each other. And, finally, Nathan bent to kiss her gently. There was still the fire, but instead of the urgency, there was a peace. She felt it so distinctively, it was almost palpable. When he finally pulled back, even his face was at peace. No more furrowed brow or worried lines. Just Nathan, handsome Nathan…his deep blue eyes calling her in deeper.

He turned and started to go, but stopped and looked back at her from down the stoop. "Good night, Jules, my darling."

She gave a little wave. As he turned again and continued on a few more steps, she decided to try out the endearment she had been holding onto, waiting for exactly the right moment to use. The one that had come to her in a dream, and that she had been so certain described him completely. She had hesitated, and had waited to try it out, but had known instantly in the dream, it was perfect for him.

"Sweet dreams, my love." As soon as it was out of her mouth, he stopped dead in his tracks. Nathan turned slowly and came all the way back. He came up onto the stoop and stood before her, so very close.

"That's it." He said matter of fact, just above a whisper. And then beckoning her, "Say it again."

She looked at him with such confidence, such certainty as she said again, "My love." His right hand came softly and gently to her cheek and she visibly leaned into his touch. That action so gripped his heart, that his lips were instantly on hers again. He kissed her passionately, not able to help himself after being completely undone by her endearment. That's it, he thought to himself again, that's the one, the name that he wanted her to call him.

When he pulled back to catch his breath, they stayed close.

"You like that one?" She asked. Referring to the simple term of endearment.

Nathan smiled back and rasped softly, "I love it, and I love you." And he added in a whisper, "deeply."

"You, my love, have all of my heart." She said softly.

Nathan brought his lips to hers once more in a soft, gentle, sweet kiss. And, then they parted once again. Nathan slowly moved to leave again, as hard as it was. When he looked back at her, she hadn't moved an inch, but had kept her gaze fixed on him. Before he disappeared at the corner, he softly blew her one more kiss. She made a sweet little gesture with her hand, as if to catch it. And, he liked it so much, he stood there for a minute, gazing a little while longer at her. And then he was gone.

After Nathan had gone, Julia walked into her apartment, and stood in front of her Dad's painting of the lighthouse. She thought back to her words, each and every thing she had shared with Nathan. The way she had let him in, and talked about her father's death as she had never before been able to. Julia stood there, in front of the painting, and cried again. She cried and cried for a long time. Letting out whatever would come, she just let it out, until no more tears were left. For today.

Then, Julia opened her trunk. She dug down deep to the bottom, and pulled out a large thick cumbersome rectangle, all tied up tight. She untied the strings and unwrapped the blanket and then the brown paper protective wrapping. There was a stack of three more paintings, all wrapped up tight.

When she opened the first, she let out a soft gasp. She had forgotten how very beautiful this one was. It was a painting of her mother, breathtaking and uninhibited, seated proudly on horseback, in a field of wildflowers. Her mother looked so young and carefree. But, Julia's favorite part of the painting, the part she had completely forgotten about until this very moment, was the smile on her mother's face. A contented, confident, happy smile. It was a smile that told of a love so pure and beautiful, a love that had completely fulfilled her, and been so right.

The next painting was of Julia's mother holding her as a baby. In the painting, her mother was looking down, her gaze fixed on the chubby, smiling baby in her arms. On her mother's face was a look of pure joy and happiness. She looked so adoringly at the baby in her arms, Julia reached out and gently, lightly ran her fingers over her mother's face. Julia sighed and a few more simple tears fell.

And, the last painting. This one was of the beautiful harbor in Peggy's Cove, from the vantage point of the major dock, looking out over many beautiful sailboats parked in their slips. On the deck of the closest sailboat, a big beautiful cruiser, were her and Jake. Julia was about 4 years old in the painting, and Jake around 11. They were both sitting and smiling so proudly on the boat that her father had built. She had forgotten how breathtaking that boat had been. More tears came now, remembering the excitement each and every time they had taken it out. She desperately missed that boat, and the feeling of adventure she had felt at each sailing.

She wiped her eyes and sat back, looking at all three paintings. They were so precious to her, and she couldn't remember for the life of her, what had kept them hidden in the bottom of her trunk. She got out nails and her hammer yet again, and she hung all three paintings in her apartment. Now, she felt truly surrounded by home. Something she hadn't been willing to let herself feel for a very long time.

That night Julia slept deeply and peacefully. And she dreamt of home, the lazy waves crashing against the shore. The deep blue sea in front of her, the beautiful impressive lighthouse to the east. But there was one big difference. In her dream, Nathan and Allie were there with her, in the house in Peggy's Cove. Was it a holiday? Yes, she got that impression. And, they were there, all three of them, all together, as a family. They ran on the beach, they swam in the water, and they even sailed in a boat. Images came to her all night long, and she held each one safely in her heart.

Author's Note:

I hope this chapter wasn't too rough. But, I think that true love can bring healing. And, I wanted both Nathan and Julia to get another measure of it. They both deserve it.

I guess I'm getting to used to making author's notes now. I had vowed not to do that very often. (=

But, you are all too kind. I feel the need to thank you once again for your kind comments. This story is my first ever fanfiction, and my first writing in a long time. So I really appreciate all the comments and love. You all make it a joy to write!