Chapter Fifteen – Finding A Balance
"Harry!" Severus shouted, but he was wasting his breath. He could only watch as the kitchen door slammed shut, and the boy was gone.
Anxiety over Harry's anger towards him began to overwhelm Severus. He ran his fingers through his hair in frustration, taking a seat on an armchair, wondering if he should go after Harry or give him space. They were making progress…and now, they were back at the start.
What should I do now? How can I get him to trust me again? Severus thought to himself. And he hated that Albus had so much blind faith in him, that he was the right adult to look after Harry. It seemed that every decision Severus made, only pushed the teen further away.
"Severus? Is Harry alright?" Molly asked, as she and Arthur came out from the kitchen.
"I don't know what I'm going to do with him," Severus muttered, rubbing his forehead. Lack of sleep was starting to catch up with him, combined with the stress of Harry being difficult and how he may react to Draco having to stay with them, was all triggering to a major migraine
Severus had forgotten that the Weasleys knew of the abuse, the mental state Harry was in, and how Severus was now responsible for him during the summer holidays. Only the Weasleys, Madam Pomfrey, Minerva McGonagall, Albus and only a few exclusive members of the Order of the Phoenix knew the full situation, and were under oath to not reveal such precious information on the boy-who-lived. The rest of the Order members just knew that Harry was residing at Gryffindor tower.
"Did Harry say anything to you about our new arrangements?" Severus asked them, after putting up a silencing spell around the living room. Weasley children were the noisiest bunch of Gryffindors he'd ever met.
"No, he was determined to keep it a secret, so we didn't say anything. I don't think Harry wants his friends to know," Molly answered.
"I told him he was only allowed to inform your son Ronald and Miss Granger."
"Harry will tell them when he's ready," Molly said. "I can see he's going through a lot with the death of his godfather…he's carrying his grief and pain inside. Last thing Harry needs is his friends treating him differently. And I can't believe what those muggles did to him. How could we not know? When the signs were clearly there… Harry flinches when I touch him. He's closed off and barely speaks unless we talk to him. How did we not see the pain he was in for the last five years?"
Molly wiped a tear off her cheek. Arthur pulled her into a hug.
The Weasleys and Severus were quiet for a while.
"Severus, I think you should go find Harry," Molly finally said.
"I'm the last person he wants to see right now," Severus muttered.
"Arthur and I have seven children, and they often get upset with us countless times. Believe me, Harry wants to talk to you, but he's not going to take the initiative to do so. That's where you have to step in as the parent and make things right between you two."
"Parent? Molly, I'm not…" Severus said quickly, shocked at the phrase she'd used.
"The way Harry has been asking for you, Severus, has us convinced that he's starting to see you as one," Arthur said with a small smile.
Severus looked at Arthur and then at Molly. Was this some kind of joke they were playing at? Severus just couldn't believe what he was hearing. His initial plan was to gain Harry's trust, and care for him as a mentor would their student; but a parent? Would he even make a good parent? Becoming Harry's parent was never part of Severus' plan.
"Molly, Arthur, thank you for the advice, but me as Harry's parent? I don't know the first thing about being one."
"And do you think we did when we first had Bill?" Molly smiled fondly at the memory of her first-born son as a baby. "We had no clue of parenting, and I still don't think we fully know what we're doing at times or if we're making the right decisions. It's just something you learn over time."
"Four of our sons are in the Order. One of them is estranged, and our two youngest are growing up in the middle of a war," Arthur said as he wrapped his arm tightly around his wife, whose eyes suddenly swelled up with tears. "Don't you think we're beside ourselves with worry? Especially when we can't control the outcome of this war, the impact it may have on them. We don't even know if we're making the right choices, but we're getting by. What I mean to say is no one is fully ready to be a parent. You just have to take that leap, and adapt to the challenges it brings."
"We know you'll be okay with Harry," Molly said. "If you look closely, you'll see that he's slowly trusting you. It may not seem like it to you, but I can see you're the only adult that's able to reach him. I've tried connecting with Harry, Severus, during his stay here, but he only wanted you."
Severus stood up, deeply touched by their words. He was never close to the Weasleys. He always kept his distance. Their children were the most annoying bunch of offspring he'd ever taught at Hogwarts. Although Severus had to hand it to them, they've managed to keep a roof over their seven kids. They were the only couple Severus would actually take advice from when it came to parenting.
"Thank you, both of you... Especially when it comes to Harry. Just...thank you for being there for him."
"We would do anything for Harry. He's as good as one of our own sons," Molly said, wiping her tears away.
Arthur's words had made her quite emotional. Severus couldn't blame Molly, it must be hard for her to see her children growing up during a war.
"You're right. I have to talk to Harry. Afterwards, I'll be taking him and Draco home."
Arthur nodded. "They're good kids, Severus. They're welcome here anytime."
"Yes, especially Draco. My children and Harry don't seem to like him, but underneath his prickly exterior, is a boy just as lost in this war as well," Molly said.
Severus nodded at their words. Leave it to Molly to see the good in every teenager.
"Will we be seeing you at tomorrow's meeting?" Arthur asked.
"Yes, and it's going to be important... I've found Lupin."
"Remus? Oh good gracious! Severus, however did you find him? Is he alright?" Molly gasped at his news.
"It was during one of my missions for Albus," Severus said. "Fenrir Greyback had him. Molly, Arthur, he was tortured greatly before I was able to get him out of there… Lupin's in critical condition."
"That's terrible! Poor Remus!" Molly said. "If anyone can bring him back to good health, it's Poppy. We're lucky we have her. She's been patching up Remus since he was eleven!"
"Remus has always been a strong lad, he'll get through this. Severus, I'm relieved you found him," Arthur said. "Will you be telling Harry?"
"Yes, of course, Lupin's the last friend of his father's friends. Harry has a right to know," Severus answered. "You'll learn more about the situation tomorrow."
The Weasleys both nodded.
"I should finish up lunch," Molly said. "You're welcome to stay if you like, Severus, I would like the boys to eat before they go. Especially Harry, he'd barely touched his breakfast."
"Harry hasn't been eating?" Severus frowned at the news. He knew stress always hindered the boy from eating.
"He barely touched his food his whole stay here."
"Harry has trouble eating when he's stressed. I've been planning on addressing that issue to him."
"Maybe now that you're back, he'll eat," Molly said. "I made his favorite dessert, treacle tart. Maybe that'll entice him."
"That sounds wonderful, Molly, thank you," Severus said. "I'll go and speak to Harry now. Hopefully your plan will work."
"And I'll let Draco know to get ready," Molly said.
Severus nodded his thanks, before setting off to find his upset charge.
.
.
It didn't take too long to find him. After checking the shed, the orchard and around the backyard, Severus found Harry near the lake.
He could see him sitting on the shore, staring out into the still glassy water that reflected the white fluffy clouds above.
Severus made sure to make enough noise to not startle Harry before sitting next to him, hoping that the boy wouldn't run off again.
"What are you doing here?" Harry muttered angrily.
"You left so quickly, I didn't get to tell you the good news," Severus said, deciding to tell Harry about Lupin first. Maybe the good news would make him stay and listen.
Harry didn't say anything, he just stared out into the lake, his green eyes dark with anger.
"I left because I was called on an important mission."
Harry looked at him from the corner of his eye. Severus knew he had questions, but he was too angry to ask.
"I found Lupin."
Harry whipped his head around to face him, his mouth hanging open in surprise.
"You found Remus? Is he okay?! What happened to him?!"
"He's okay...he was…" Severus stopped. He wasn't sure if he should tell Harry the full details, then reminded himself the boy had the right to know. Keeping secrets wasn't the answer to gaining his trust.
"The place I was summoned to, I wasn't sure what it was, but from what I've observed, I think the Dark Lord had Fenrir Greyback set up this camp to train werewolves for the war. I found Lupin in the cellar of their headquarters, beaten, tortured and sick. I'm not going to hide this from you, Harry," Severus said gently. He wanted Harry to understand the condition Lupin was in. What Severus risked to get him to safety, the hours he'd put in with Madam Pomfrey in making sure the wolf stayed alive, so that Harry could see Severus had to leave for good reason.
"Lupin's in very bad shape… He almost died on us. They chained him like a beast and tortured him, burnt him with silver, and due to all that, he'd caught an infection. I rushed him to Madam Pomfrey's care as soon as I could. We've been treating the infection day and night. Lupin's still unconscious, so once he wakes he's going to be very weak. His mind might even be different. Lupin might not be the same person you once knew him as. That's why I had to leave so suddenly, why I couldn't get to you until now…"
Shock and horror of what Severus told him shone in Harry's green eyes. "When can I see him?" he asked in a shaky voice.
"That's up to Madam Pomfrey to decide, I'm afraid."
Severus thought of the condition Lupin was currently under, so many things could still go wrong. What if he never woke up? What if the infection was too strong to completely cure? Lupin could still die… Just like the young girl who they'd failed to save.
"There's something else, is there?" Harry asked quietly.
Severus could only stare back at his charge. Harry's black hair was a mess, and his bright-green eyes behind his round glasses were dark and searching as he looked at Severus.
When did that start to happen?
Severus hadn't realized Harry was looking at him like that. Could this be what Molly and Arthur meant? When did Harry start reading him like that, like a child would to their parents? As if they were a family….
Please, kid, don't look at me like that, like I'm someone you can truly count on as a parent... I don't know if I'm the right person… Severus inwardly pleaded.
"There was a young werewolf I rescued as well, a young girl by the name of Kaylie Porter. She spent her life with Greyback. She was a child from one of our deceased Order members. She died the same night we brought Lupin in. We didn't know Kaylie was with him. If I had known, I would've stopped at nothing to set her free from Greyback's clutches. We've failed to save her."
"It wasn't your fault, Severus." Harry's voice was full of sorrowful meaning. Severus wondered if the boy was thinking of his godfather's recent death. "You didn't know."
"Exactly, Kaylie Porter died on mine and Dumbledore's ignorance," Severus said, surprised at how bitter his voice sounded.
"No one knew. You can't blame yourself."
"Says the person who suffers a hero's complex," Severus shrugged.
Harry just looked away.
"Is Dumbledore and the Order going to do anything about the camp, sir?"
"We're setting up a meeting for it, most likely it'll be disbanded."
"This isn't the only thing you've come to talk to me about, is it?" Harry asked quietly.
Severus nodded. "I'm aware that I've broken a certain promise to you. I didn't come to beg for forgiveness, but to make sure you understand that it was not my intention to leave you for days like that with no word of my safety."
"You had no choice, I got it…" Harry scowled. "Just drop it, okay. It was stupid of me to take your promises so seriously. I should know better by now."
"Harry…"
"You left without telling me what was going on, and you took so long to come back! You promised to pick me up, and you never came! I was scared something happened to you! This is why I can't trust adults, they either hurt me or they leave!"
"Enough of that!" Severus snapped, he was losing his patience. And when the boy wouldn't look at him, Severus scowled in his most strict-professor's voice. "Look at me, Potter!"
Harry looked at him with an angry glare.
"I'm sorry I sent you away without any explanation or word to when I'll come back. I had no choice, I was called by the Dark Lord through this!"
Severus rolled up his sleeve to show the Dark Mark that had been dark and pulsating in his skin the night he was summoned. Now it was a faded black, looking innocent as any normal tattoo would.
"When we're summoned through the Dark Mark, you know Death Eaters have no choice but to obey. He uses pain to call for us."
"So that's why you were in a hurry? You were in pain…wait, you really are working for Voldemort? My friends and I always discussed the theory, but we never had proof it was true!"
The fear and betrayal shone in Harry's eyes. It was the kind of fear Severus saw in others, when they saw him in his Death Eater robes. He hated that fear. Severus hated his role in the war, but someone had to do it. And Severus had to make Harry see that it was no longer his choice to bear the mark, and wear the mask, and stand by the Dark Lord's side.
"No, Harry, I work for Albus Dumbledore. I'm a spy for our side. There's no need to fear me, I assure you that I detest wearing the mask. I hate the mark that's permanently inked into my skin. They're the consequences I have to carry due to my past mistakes. I have no choice. It's the only way I'm useful to Dumbledore and his plans for the war. It's the only way to redeem myself of my past crimes. Not everyone knows about it. They all think I just go on missions for Dumbledore, so don't spread it around."
The fear went away in Harry's eyes, replaced with curiosity, as he asked, "Why are you telling me this? Can't Voldemort just look into my mind and find all of this out? He'll kill you if he knew…"
"He doesn't know that your connection with him still exists. He still thinks it's broken from him trying to possess you at the Ministry. That means there's still time for you to learn how to Occlude him from your thoughts."
"I'm completely rubbish at Occlumency, sir."
"No, you just don't have the confidence and motivation. Now that you know you have important information to keep from the Dark Lord, I know you'll work harder. And I'll help you close your mind before bed, as I recall that was where you were struggling most last year."
"Why are you doing this?" Harry asked. His anger seemed to have somewhat faded, replaced by resignation.
"Harry, I've told you why countless times already," Severus said in exasperation.
Harry shrugged.
"I'm doing this because I care for you."
Harry only nodded, not saying anything to Severus' words.
Feeling a bit put off by the boy's lack of emotion to Severus' admittance, he decided not to push anymore. Severus knew Harry just wasn't ready to completely let go of his mistrust with adults.
"You had a vision?" Severus asked, concern lacing his words.
"Yeah…" Harry shrugged.
"Care to explain what you saw?"
Harry sighed, looking torn at wanting to stay angry, and wanting to confide in Severus.
Severus waited in silence, until Harry finally said, "It was Voldemort and Bellatrix Lestrange. They were happy, really happy, and they were talking about someone's death. They were planning to murder a man!"
Severus frowned, wondering if the vision was referring to Draco's mission to kill Albus.
"What can it mean?"
"It can mean a lot, Harry. I'm not entirely sure, but I think it's what Dumbledore has been waiting for."
"So, Dumbledore will know what it might mean?"
"Perhaps… We can both see him today, and you can tell him about your vision."
Harry nodded his agreement. "Do you know about the prophecy?"
And Severus wasn't at all surprised at this question. He knew it was going to come up sooner or later. And he was glad Harry was the one to do it. He wanted to know how Harry was dealing with this knowledge of the war, of a possible future of he and the Dark Lord fighting one another.
"Either must die at the hand of the other for neither can live while the other survives," Severus said. His heart sank at the memory of how he'd learned of it, and he knew it was his chance to tell Harry his past role in it. But Severus couldn't do it. Harry would never forgive him.
The time just isn't right… One day I'll find the courage, and he'll understand… I didn't mean for her to die….
Harry's eyes were now focused back on the lake, on the clouds reflected in its waters.
"It's one of the reasons why my cutting got so bad…along with Sirius' death. It was the only pain I could control."
"How long have you been cutting yourself?"
Harry shrugged. "The summer after fourth year, after Cedric died, and Voldemort returned."
"What made you start?"
Harry shrugged, rubbing his hands over his arms, leaving his pale skin blotchy-red. Severus wanted to stop him, but Harry was finally talking. Severus didn't want him to stop.
"It was the guilt I carried. Cedric died because I made him take the portkey with me. Voldemort came back because I wasn't strong enough to fight him. I couldn't control those bad things from happening. I had no control even in my nightmares. I would wake up Uncle Vernon and he would punish me. I couldn't control the pain and I just wanted that… And cutting…it gave that back to me… It was the only thing that helped."
"And when you learned of the prophecy, and Black's death…"
"My cutting grew worse… It was the prophecy that was now over me. That I have to be the savior of the Wizarding World, but how can I be that when I can't control anything around me. Everything I do only causes death. And how can I be the savior of the Wizarding World when I can't even stand up against my uncle?"
"Harry, the prophecy is only a possibility of a future. There's always room for change. Meaning there's a possibility of it happening and a possibility of it not happening. You know future-telling is not an accurate thing to depend on."
"Yes, but there's still a chance of it happening, and without Sirius... I just felt so alone this summer."
"Whatever the prophecy comes true or not, it necessarily doesn't state you'll be alone in this. I understand your grief for Black, and the stress of the prophecy hanging over you. I know the pressure you're feeling. But just know that you have me and Dumbledore on your side, you have Lupin, you have the Weasleys, your friends, the Order of the Phoenix. We're all behind you, Harry, fighting for you, fighting with you."
Harry didn't say anything, only staring out into the lake, rubbing at his arms even harder. Severus had enough of that. Losing his patience, Severus placed his hand on the boy's hands. Harry flinched at his touch.
"Harry, you're hurting yourself."
Harry's eyes trailed down to his red arms and they widened in shock, as if he didn't realize what he was doing to himself.
"I'm sorry…" Harry's face blushed red, and he shoved his hands into his pockets.
"Harry, I have one more thing to discuss with you."
"Malfoy's coming back with us, is he?"
Severus nodded.
Harry sighed. "I knew it… There's no way I'm sharing my room with him."
"He's sharing your room," Severus said, deciding to just rip off the band-aid.
"Severus! No!" Harry protested, standing up. "He's a git! It's enough to have to deal with his bullying for most of the year, but to have him in my room!"
"That's enough!" Severus stood up as well, towering over his charge. "Whether you like it or not he's coming with us. He's sharing your room. And I expect you to treat Draco as your guest!" Severus snapped out, then started walking ahead of the teen. "Now, come! Molly's expecting us. She wants you to eat before we go."
"I have to treat him like a bloody guest? That's not even my home! I'm just staying there for the summer!"
Severus whirled around and stood in front of Harry. The boy crashed right into his robes.
"What?" Harry asked in confusion.
Severus knelt down, and held Harry by the upper arms. Making himself eye-level with the teen.
Harry flinched, fear sparked in his green eyes. Severus sighed, they were definitely going to have to start over again.
"Don't look at me like that, Harry, you don't have to be afraid of me. I just want to make you understand that you're not a guest. You're home. Even after the summer, you'll always have a room in my quarters."
Harry bowed his head. "I'm sorry, sir."
"You have nothing to be sorry for. It's those Dursleys that need to be sorry."
Harry flinched at the name. Severus frowned as he let go of the boy and straightened himself out before walking again to the Burrow.
"So I have to be nice to Malfoy?"
"Yes, and I expect the same of him also."
"You just don't want us arguing."
"I don't want you two blowing up our living quarters!"
During lunch at the Burrow, Harry sat next to Ron and Ginny. Malfoy had joined them and sat next to Severus.
Harry tried not to feel jealous as he watched them converse in low whispers. He couldn't believe that Malfoy was going to stay with them at Severus' quarters...or his and Severus' home…maybe? Harry felt that thought was kind of weird…too weird, so he changed it back to thinking of it as only Severus' home.
It was strange to think Harry might have a place to call home other than Hogwarts. A memory suddenly flashed in his mind... Once Harry had come home from school with a drawing of Privet Drive with him and the Dursleys. The words My House written above neatly, as a six year could with a blue crayon. Aunt Petunia freaked at the drawing and ripped it up. Harry cried, because he really thought she might like it, even making the effort to hang it on the fridge with Dudley's drawings and school work. But no... Instead Harry was punished by Uncle Vernon, and yelled at until Harry understood that he was a freak who wasn't part of their family.
Suddenly, Harry wasn't hungry anymore. He moved his food around, making it look like he ate. His stomach clenched at the sight of the platter with treacle tart placed next to him, making him feel sick, he hadn't eaten properly in days. It was hard to eat when he felt upset. The stress over Severus being gone had taken his appetite, and now seeing him with Draco was making it worse.
"What do you reckon, Harry?"
"Umm...what?"
He looked at Ginny and Ron, who were both looking at him expectantly. He didn't notice Severus and Mrs. Weasley eyeing him with worry over his small food intake.
"Um, yeah…" Harry shrugged, realizing he was in the middle of conversation with them, before getting lost in his thoughts.
Ginny and Ron gave him peculiar looks.
"So you think the Holly Head Harpies are going to win the league instead of the Chudley Cannons?" Ron asked in a hurt voice. "Come on, mate, you're supposed to have my back on this."
Ginny looked at Harry. She must've noticed something in his facial expression, because she glared at her brother, and said, "Leave him alone, Ron!"
"No, Ginny, don't get mad at him. I…" Harry honestly had no idea what to say.
"I think it's time we should be departing. Molly, thank you for lunch, it was delicious. Let's be on our way," Severus said to Harry and Malfoy.
Malfoy immediately got up and picked up his briefcase. Harry rolled his eyes at his arch enemy, and went to get his packed rucksack.
Severus clamped his hand on Harry's shoulder as he passed the professor. Avoiding his eyes, Harry shrugged him off. He tried not to feel guilty, but distrust and discomfort from the memory was coursing through Harry like fiend fire.
Once he had his rucksack, Harry joined everyone in the living room. To his annoyance, Mrs. Weasley was hugging Malfoy goodbye. Mr. Weasley handed Harry some floo powder.
"We'll see you tomorrow, mate!" Ron grinned.
"Tomorrow?"
"Yeah! While you were outside with Snape, Mum told us you were staying at Hogwarts, in Gryffindor tower. Lucky you, to have the dorm to yourself!"
"Yeah… I don't have to deal with anyone's snoring! Mind you, Malfoy and Snape are going to be around."
"But you can always avoid those gits!" Ron said. "Mum said she and dad are taking Ginny and I to Hogwarts for a meeting with the Order tomorrow! She wants us to keep you company. Plus, Hermione's flooing in tonight, so you can see her!"
"Alright, great! And we can play Quidditch! I wonder if the meeting's about Remus. Did your mum…?"
"Yup! I can't believe they found him. Do you think Madam Pomfrey will let us visit?"
"We can try. I'll see you tomorrow, mate," Harry grinned.
Ron pulled Harry into a quick hug, then stepped back to let the others say goodbye as well.
Ginny gave Harry a quick hug, which for some unknown reason brought a blush to his cheeks.
"I'll see you tomorrow, Harry. We have to beat Ron and Hermione. Fred and George are going to be stuck in the meeting, so hopefully she'll agree to play with us to make the teams even. Have your Firebolt ready!" Ginny said, handing Harry his broomstick.
"Thanks, Ginny!" Harry could only grin. He had no idea why he was feeling so warm, why his heart was suddenly skipping beats or why his words sounded so stupid.
Once all the goodbyes were in order, Harry found himself tumbling out into Dumbledore's fireplace onto the sooty carpet.
Coughing as he wiped the soot out of his eyes, Harry didn't see who helped him up until he put his glasses on and saw bright-blue twinkling eyes and a broad smile.
"Professor Dumbledore!" was all Harry could say in surprise. He heard a snort of contempt from Malfoy as Severus suddenly flooed in behind Harry.
"Harry, it's so nice to see you again and you too, Draco. I hope your stay at the Weasleys went well?"
"Um, yeah, it did," Harry said, feeling embarrassed to be inside the headmaster's office once again. The last time Harry was standing in this room, he had thrown a tantrum and broken quite a few of Dumbledore's possessions.
"Albus, can you summon a house-elf to escort Mr. Malfoy to my quarters? We have a few things to discuss with Potter."
"I do not need an escort, Professor, I can find your quarters on my own!" Malfoy protested.
Harry tried not to smile at the idea of Malfoy being sent away from what seemed to be an interesting conversation coming up.
"That'll do, Draco!" Severus snapped, as Dumbledore summoned a house-elf.
"Please escort Draco Malfoy to Professor Snape's quarters. You'll show him to Potter's room once inside," Dumbledore said.
That wiped the smile off Harry's face. He was about to say something involving: that was his room, and how he didn't want Slytherin slime all over his stuff! When Harry caught Severus' eye, telling him if he spoke a word of his thoughts, then he'll never see the light of day. Since Harry so much wanted to play Quidditch with his friends tomorrow and hopefully visit Remus in the hospital, he kept his mouth shut. Although, it was extremely difficult.
Once Malfoy was out of the room, Dumbledore walked behind his desk and sat in his armchair.
"May I offer you anything to drink?" Dumbledore asked them as Severus and Harry sat in the chairs in front of the headmaster's desk. They both declined the offer. Severus began to tell him about Harry's vision.
"Harry, tell him exactly what you saw."
"Umm... I can't remember most of it anymore..." Harry said as he tried to think of the vision. All Harry could remember were the words: he shall be dead at your feet… And then the cruel laughter from Bellatrix Lestrange. Harry described those two things to the professors in the room, looking at Dumbledore as he finished.
"Sir, why am I still having this connection with Voldemort? I thought that after what he'd tried doing in the Ministry, that he won't try to enter my mind again. Severus said he might not know of it…"
"Ah yes, Voldemort won't try to possess you again, Harry. He has learned his lesson, your very soul is toxic to him. Severus may be correct. He may not know of this connection, that you are still seeing into his mind. It's harmless for now, but, Severus, I still think it wise to teach Harry Occlumency."
"Already on it, Albus."
They both exchanged a look, and Harry knew there was something important going on that they weren't saying in front of him.
"Harry, thank you for telling me your vision. I will certainly ponder on it. You may wait outside, please, as I speak to Severus for one moment."
Harry's stomach sank at those clear words of dismissal. Dumbledore had hardly revealed anything to him about the meaning of his vision!
"Professor Dumbledore, if this is about my vision, I need to know what it means. They're planning someone's murder!" Harry said desperately. He didn't want to be sent away like some bothersome child. It was his vision, he had a right to know their theories! Why couldn't they just tell him?
"Harry, I'll be out in a moment," Severus said.
Harry knew he couldn't trust Snape! He was siding with Dumbledore, allowing the headmaster to hide information from him, as always! Harry sighed angrily, leaving the office so they could talk about him.
Severus shook his head in disapproval as he watched Harry leave. The door shut behind the departing teen, before he turned to Albus.
"We should just tell Harry what's going on, Albus, I do not like keeping these secrets from him. Harry has to know what's happening, as it is he who's being affected by this war most of all."
"Not yet, Severus. When the time is right, then you shall tell him everything."
"And when will that be, Albus? How long are you to make him wait? We've had a discussion about his self-harm. Harry revealed to me that it got worse after he learned about the prophecy. The weight he now carries is breaking him, I see it everyday. He thinks he's alone in this. Maybe it would help if you reveal more to him, make him feel part of our fight against the Dark Lord. Maybe then, he won't feel so alone, maybe it'll make him stronger to bear the prophecy."
Albus looked at him with penetrating blue eyes. "Don't you worry about him, Severus. Harry's strong, he just needs to wait a little more. When the new school year starts, I'm going to be giving him private lessons."
"And how is that going to help him, Albus? What are you on about?"
"I can't tell you much yet, except that it's crucial information on Tom Riddle. I have a theory that I'm not sure of yet."
"And you can't reveal it to me until the time is right?" Severus snapped out in frustration.
Albus nodded.
"Okay, well… What do you think of Harry's vision?"
"It's certainly about them plotting to have Draco Malfoy kill me. It won't do for Harry to know about this, he'll start looking for trouble. I want you to keep up with his Occlumency before he learns more," Albus said.
Severus scowled. He was sick of secrets. Sick of these theories of Albus Dumbledore. The only thing that kept Severus from shouting at the old headmaster was that he was usually right. Albus knew what he was doing and Severus trusted him, he just had to hope that everything would be revealed to him and Harry soon enough.
.
.
Once their small meeting was over, Severus walked down the stairs, finding Harry who was leaning against the wall, next to the stone gargoyle with his arms crossed.
With a small nod, Severus signaled for the boy to follow at his fast stride through the corridors. They were quiet for most of the time. Severus knew Harry was mad and probably frustrated. He couldn't blame him, Harry was being kept in the dark once more.
Harry's footsteps suddenly stopped. Severus also stopped and turned to see what was wrong. Harry was looking at the door to the hospital wing. He looked up at Severus and asked, "Can I see Remus, sir, just for a moment?"
Severus was going to say no. Lupin was in such critical condition, and he looked terrible. Severus wasn't sure if he should let Harry see him like that, but the longing in those eyes… Severus couldn't help but nod.
"Just for a moment," Severus said.
Harry gave him a small smile, and stepped back to let Severus open the door.
"Just be quiet, we don't want to get kicked out by Madam Pomfrey."
Harry nodded.
They quietly entered the hospital wing, but Madam Pomfrey must've still heard them, because she immediately came out of her office.
"Severus, I don't think it's a good idea to…" Madam Pomfrey stopped speaking...
Harry interrupted her...
"I just want to see that he's okay. That he's really here, just for a minute. I promise I won't disturb him," Harry whispered shakily.
Madam Pomfrey seemed to want to still say no.
Taking pity on the teen, Severus said, "Just for a minute, Poppy."
"Well, okay..." Madam Pomfrey said, still sounding a bit unsure.
The medi-witch turned around and led them to a bed that was surrounded by the room dividers. Madam Pomfrey moved them aside to let Harry in. He stepped in quietly, Harry's eyes devouring the sight of his father's only remaining living friend.
Harry sat down on the chair next to the bed. His hand cautiously touched Lupin's hand as he studied his face. Harry's eyes then traveled to the cords connected to Lupin, then to the bandages. Severus was glad the brand on Lupin's chest was covered, he didn't know how Harry would react to that. And plus, that was only Lupin's business to decide if he wanted Harry to see that.
"You have to get better, Remus," Harry whispered, looking at Lupin's face.
Severus and Madam Pomfrey stepped back a little, giving Harry privacy. Once the minute was up, it hurt Severus to do it, as he motioned for Harry to get up.
"It's time to go," Severus whispered.
He expected Harry to argue, but no, the boy gave one last longing look at Lupin's face, gave his hand one last squeeze before gently laying it back down on the bed. Harry stood up and followed Severus out of the hospital wing.
Severus didn't say anything to Harry on the way back to the dungeons. He could feel the anger and sorrow for Lupin coming off the boy in waves. Before they knew it, they were finally back at his quarters.
Draco was lounging on the sofa once they entered. The Slytherin stood up and said, "Finally, I thought you two might've forgotten I existed!"
Severus sighed. "That's enough cheek from you, Draco!"
A door slammed shut. Severus turned to see Harry had gone to his room, and in a particularly bad mood it seemed.
Severus just wanted to scream into his pillow. They had just talked out their issues, but then after lunch, Harry seemed triggered by Severus' touch again. And then, Albus' meeting with them had created more tension.
"Sir, you don't actually believe that Potter and I are sharing a room, because he can just kip outside on the sofa. I'm perfectly fine with that arrangement," Draco smirked, expecting Severus to agree, expecting him to take his side and throw Harry out of his own room.
"No, both of you are sharing a room until further notice!"
Draco scowled at Severus' response. "You're supposed to take my side! It's Potter we're dealing with!"
"I don't have time for this. This is my home, so you'll respect my rules. You'll be respectful towards Potter and you'll stop your complaining," Severus said in a low and dangerous tone, glaring at his godson who looked at him with shock.
"Why are you taking Potter's side all of a sudden? You're acting differently, strange…like you care for him."
Severus shook his head. "Potter's only here on Dumbledore's orders. I just don't want you two to blow up my living quarters with your constant quarreling."
Draco nodded sullenly.
Severus turned around, opening the portrait door. He realized it was almost time for him to help Madame Pomfrey with Lupin's infection.
And Potter can sulk as long as he wants!
"Where are you going?"
"I have to help Madam Pomfrey with some potions. I'll be back. You can go to the library if you want, but that's it, and Potter isn't allowed out."
"Why?"
"Make sure he doesn't leave," Severus only said, as he left his quarters, ignoring the arrogant Slytherin.
.
.
It was now a few hours after dinner. Severus had left the boys to their own devices once more. This time he had nowhere in particular to be, he just needed to get his thoughts together. Severus was starting to feel like a Quidditch referee between the two teenagers. Dinner was a disaster, and Severus didn't know how they were going to last the summer like this. Draco kept instigating arguments between them, and Harry, still in a rotten mood, barely touched his food.
Walking quietly down the hallway, Severus kept to the shadows, lost in thought. Harry seemed to change moods so quickly. He was in better spirits after their talk, then during lunch, Severus watched Harry's good mood deteriorate. And once they'd returned home, Harry's mood was changed completely. He knew it was partly from being sent out of Albus' office earlier, but Severus could sense that there was more to it.
Could it be Harry's depression? Severus knew the side effects of mood swings. Or could it be because Harry had to share their quarters with Draco? He knew Harry and Draco never saw eye to eye.
Severus knew this living situation would be a mistake, but would Albus listen? He saw no reason why Draco couldn't reside in the Slytherin dormitories. He did care for the boy, of course Severus did, Draco was his godson. But right now, it was Harry who needed Severus most.
Suddenly a low murmuring disrupted the silence of the corridor. It pulled him out of his thoughts. Where was that whispering coming from? Severus stopped walking, noticing that his feet had led him in front of the hospital wing doors. It must be Madam Pomfrey taking care of Lupin. Wondering if she needed any assistance, Severus quietly pushed open the door.
What he was expecting, however, was not what greeted Severus as he walked in the hospital wing. He could see that Madam Pomfrey had turned in for the night. The lights were off, except for one dimmed lantern on the matron's desk, giving off a soft glow to the room. The dividers around Lupin's bed were closed, the door to Narcissa's private room was closed as well.
Severus quietly opened Lupin's room dividers first. The werewolf was still unconscious. The magical heart monitor still beeping along with his steady heart rate. Severus looked down at the werewolf, frowning worriedly at the color of Lupin's pale skin and dark circles under his closed eyes. Maybe, Harry became upset after his visit? Maybe, it was the stress of seeing Lupin like this?
The low whispering started again. Severus stood still, locating the source. It was coming from Narcissa's room, on the other side of the door that hid her. He waited for a few more seconds before he pulled open the door. The whispering stopped.
Furrowing his eyebrows in confusion, Severus slowly peered inside. The blue-grey eyes of Narcissa Malfoy met his own.
"I heard voices…" Severus said, deciding to not let her know he suspected it was her. "Did you see anyone here?"
"No one, Severus. It must've been the matron fussing over that werewolf as usual."
"Yeah...I suppose so..." Severus said slowly, backing away so he could leave. "Sorry to disturb you then."
"Severus, how is my Draco settling in with you?"
"He's settling in well. You have nothing to worry about."
"I can't thank you enough for taking in Draco, and agreeing to perform the Unbreakable Vow to keep him safe for me, Severus. You were always greatly admired by my dear Draco. He sees you as a second father, so please excuse me for asking this, you know you're so highly thought of in the Malfoy household... Why are you sneaking around the castle at this time of night?"
"I was just taking a midnight stroll in the corridors. You know your son can be a handful at times," Severus said carefully, trying his best to keep the sarcasm out of his voice.
Narcissa laughed. A high, mocking laugh. "Always the brooder. Little Severus was always in the shadows at school. I can see why you're an asset to our Dark Lord."
Our Dark Lord? Could she be slipping? Or was this intentional? Was she trying to figure out Severus' place in the war as well?
"You better watch what comes out of your mouth," Severus hissed, deciding to not blow his cover. "If anyone hears you speaking like that…"
"I just don't see how he values you more than the rest of us. Are you even truly loyal to the Dark Lord?"
Why was Narcissa talking like that? Wasn't she supposed to be on their side now? Narcissa Malfoy was always so reserved, and kept her feelings and secrets to herself. Unlike her deranged sister who was the complete opposite. It was always hard for Severus to read her.
Whatever Narcissa was doing… Severus was determined to not fall into her trap.
"I gave up everything for the Dark Lord, everything! Doesn't that give you enough proof that I'm loyal?!" Severus snapped. He stood up, Severus couldn't take much more of this. He was leaving.
"Leaving so soon, Severus?"
"I have to check in on your son!" Severus said, leaving her before she could say anything else.
Severus did not like how that conversation was turning out. He knew she was up to something. He didn't believe a word of her story of turning away from the Dark Lord's side, and the words she'd just spoken to him convinced him even more that something was brewing… Severus just had to be more vigilant than ever before around her.
.
.
"Get out of my room, Malfoy!" was the first thing Severus heard as he stepped back into his quarters.
"Make me, Potty! And this bed is mine as well, so you can kip on that ugly cot Severus left for you."
Glancing at the clock on the mantle, Severus saw it was nearing ten p.m.
Those kids should be in bed already….
"What's going on here?" Severus asked, surveying the two teens.
Draco was laying casually on Harry's bed. Harry was standing in front of his closet, glaring angrily at Draco.
"Draco, I told you earlier that you're on the cot. You are a guest here, you should very well remember that! And Harry, Draco's a guest. So please share your space with him. This is only going to be temporary, so get to bed both of you!" Severus snapped.
Without having to be told twice, the two teenagers went into their respectful sleeping places, still glaring daggers at each other.
Deciding to ignore the hateful exchanges, Severus closed their door, and tiredly made his way to his armchair and sat down. He didn't mean to yell, but what Narcissa had said and how she was acting, struck him right in the core. Severus also partially meant what he said to her, about him truly giving up everything for the Dark Lord, everything, including his best friend. The most important person to him. Severus regretted the decisions of his younger self so very much, and he realized with a heavy heart, that Draco was in danger of following that same path.
Perhaps, he wasn't being very fair to his godson. Perhaps, Severus was favoring Harry's needs over Draco's...
I have to find a balance between them.
Severus rubbed his tired eyes. Stress was giving him a major headache once more, but for those two teens in the bedroom, it was all worth it.