Chapter Twenty – Gaining A Family

Harry was currently sitting on his bed with his back leaning against the headboard, wondering what was wrong with Remus. Harry wondered what Severus could be doing to help Remus, and he hoped Remus wasn't in any serious danger. Worry was coursing through Harry, making him unable to focus on anything else, and Harry doubted he was going to get any sleep tonight, not like this. Not when he couldn't stop thinking about Remus, not knowing the outcome for tonight.

It had been so long since Harry and Remus last spoke. Harry missed him so much, but he also couldn't get over the fact that the werewolf had left Harry so soon after Sirius died. They'd never even talked about his death. Harry had gone back to Privet Drive for the summer, and Remus just disappeared on his mission… And that small spark of anger inside Harry began to flare up again, but he smothered it down. Because what if something did happen tonight, what if Severus couldn't save Remus, and Remus died with Harry feeling angry towards him. Remus was the last of the Marauders. Besides Severus as Harry's new guardian, Remus was all Harry had left.

Why is it everytime I get close to an adult, they leave or something bad happens to them?

And fear struck Harry's heart, fear for Remus...and for...Severus...which shocked him...making Harry start to realize how much Severus was starting to mean to him. Remembering all the moments Severus was there for Harry, the meaningful conversations they'd shared, Harry's embarrassing melt-downs and how Severus always knew what to do, what to say, to calm Harry down. When did that happen? I'm supposed to hate him….

"Potter, seriously, stop sulking! Severus knows what he's doing. Lupin will be safe with him," Malfoy said, laying on his cot, playing with Harry's practice snitch.

"I know… I have bad luck," Harry sighed.

"What do you mean bad luck?" Malfoy caught the snitch out of the air, then letting it free once more.

"Forget it," Harry frowned.

"Come on, Potter, tell me!" Malfoy demanded, momentarily forgetting about the snitch zooming around the room.

Harry sighed in defeat. "It happens everytime I get close to someone. The people I care about are always dying or getting hurt. That's why I'm afraid something bad's going to happen to Remus."

Or Severus maybe… Harry thought.

Malfoy scoffed. "You don't actually believe that, do you?"

Harry shook his head, his eyes following the practice snitch, not saying anything else. It was stupid of Harry to say all that, of course Malfoy was just going to just make fun of him.

Malfoy frowned at Harry's reaction. "Look, Potter, don't worry. Lupin's going to be alright."

"I'm just being stupid I guess…"

"Ah, you admit it! You finally see yourself as the idiot we all know and love!" Malfoy mocked.

Harry tossed a pillow at him. It hit Malfoy right in the face, causing Harry to burst out into laughter.

"You're not getting away so easily, Potter!" Malfoy shouted.

The Slytherin jumped onto Harry's bed, whacking him with the pillow until Harry was crying from laughing so hard. Harry then managed to shove Malfoy off the bed, who landed with a thud on the floor, too busy laughing so hard to notice any pain.

Once their laughter subsided, they were in their respective beds with brushed teeth and in their pajamas. With the lanterns dimmed low and the practice snitch still zooming around the room, then Malfoy asked, "Where did you disappear to after the cake?"

Harry, wide awake, unable to sleep with his thoughts still on Remus and Severus, replied, "I was with Ginny."

"Do you fancy her?"

"..."

"You fancy her! You prat!" Malfoy shouted out.

"Yeah…so… What do you care?" Harry muttered, rolling his eyes.

It was silent for a while. Did he fall asleep? Harry thought.

"Why do you care, Malfoy?" Harry asked again in the darkness.

"For some reason, you strike me as someone as...um…maybe who was into guys?"

"I'm not gay, Malfoy, if that's what you're saying!" Harry scowled in annoyance.

"You sure, Potter? Cus you and your pal Weasley make a good match," Malfoy sneered.

Harry tossed another pillow at him. Malfoy violently tossed it back at him.

"Okay, fine, I fancy Ginny," Harry scowled.

Malfoy let out a loud, "ha!" and received another pillow to the face.

"How about you, Malfoy? Have anyone in mind? Boys? Girls?" Harry smirked.

"No," Malfoy said quickly. "Do you think Severus has ever fancied anyone?" he asked, curiously changing the subject. "He's usually so reserved and keeps to himself. I was surprised he even let you get close to him, Potter. Severus doesn't even tell me some of the things you might know about him. I wonder if he's ever been in love or ever wanted children."

"Why are you so interested in talking about this?" Harry snapped. He couldn't believe this conversation was happening. Harry couldn't believe that he'd even made a truce with Malfoy. "You've never seemed like one to care about stuff like that."

Malfoy remained silent. So, Harry decided to just say anything, he felt bad for sounding so defensive at the Slytherin's questions.

"Severus fancied my mum once," Harry whispered. "But don't tell him I told you or anyone, please, Severus will chop me up for potion ingredients!"

"I won't, Harry. Is it okay if I can call you Harry? You can call me Draco if you want…"

"Yeah, sure…" Harry said, hesitantly. "Why are you being so nice, Draco?" Harry asked, trying the name out on his tongue. It sounded strange, but he could get used to it. Just like how Harry became used to calling Severus by his first name, not Snape.

"It just makes things easier since we're sharing a room, and I kind of like this situation. Ever since You-Know-Who returned, my family fell apart, and staying here…it feels like family, you know?"

"Yeah, I know what you mean, I feel it too."

"Severus, he cares about you. I don't understand him. He's in league with You-Know-Who, but then, he cares about you…"

Harry didn't answer, not wanting to blurt anything out that could blow Severus' cover. Not knowing what Draco knows or what Severus has told him. They always seemed to avoid this topic, until now.

"Don't worry, Potter, I won't say anything to my mum about you being here with Severus. I made a deal with him."

"You made a deal?" Harry asked, bursting with curiosity.

"Yes, I gave Severus my word. So, don't ask… It's complicated… And I know I'm a prat sometimes, but when I give someone my word, then I make sure to keep it. It's the honorable thing to do."

"You're not as bad as you make yourself out to be," Harry said.

"Yeah, well, I'm a Slytherin. I have to keep up with appearances," Draco said conceitedly, making Harry roll his eyes in the dark.

"Harry, you know Severus really does care for you. It's not pretend just so he could gain approval from You-Know-Who or Dumbledore for taking you under his wing. I can tell by the way he talks to you… Like this morning, Severus knew how to calm you down. Just give him a chance, okay, don't be so hard on him. Try and trust him a bit."

Harry didn't say anything, just thinking of Draco's advice. "I'll try, Draco…" Harry only said in the end, not really understanding what Draco meant.

Severus had told Harry a couple times that he cared for him, that he wanted Harry to be his family… But did Severus really feel that way? Harry couldn't understand why Severus would want him. And Harry remembered the recent meltdowns he had, and how Severus was there… Harry remembered the proud look he gave Harry as everyone sang him happy birthday just hours ago.

Does Severus really care for me enough to adopt me? Why can't I believe it? Why can't I trust him? I really want to… Merlin… I want to… But does he really want me? The Dursleys never wanted me… Harry's thoughts were churning over and over in his head, in an infinite loop…triggering him… The Dursleys never wanted me… I'm just a freak… How could Severus ever want me?

"What are your relatives like? Why are you here instead of with them? If you don't mind me asking?" Draco asked, his voice for once sincere.

"They didn't, um..." Harry tried to say the words that were at the tip of his tongue, but he couldn't. Why couldn't he say them?

Harry suddenly remembered himself as a little kid. Before leaving for primary school, his aunt and uncle would lecture and threaten him to never tell anyone about his punishments.

Don't tell, don't speak, keep to yourself or else! Freaks don't deserve to have friends at school! And stay away from Dudley! Don't embarrass him with your freaky, bad behavior!

And Harry could almost feel the pain of his past punishments for things he couldn't help. Like receiving better marks than Dudley or accidentally talking to the other kids. For joining in on a game during recess or a teacher questioning Harry about a bruise. Those things weren't Harry's fault… And his aunt and uncle never listened….

Harry was suddenly in that dark cupboard again, always alone and afraid of the monsters at night….

And then Harry felt someone touch his shoulder, flinching away, he realized it was Draco. He was there besides Harry. One of the lanterns were back on, giving the bedroom a soft and warm glow, and the Slytherin was saying something. Harry could only watch Draco's lips moving, not understanding what he was saying.

Dark spots began to cloud Harry's vision. And he suddenly couldn't take in air, leaving Harry gasping for breath.

Draco lifted Harry's hand and pressed it against his own chest. So that Harry could feel the Slytherin's beating heart, the motion of his lungs, just as Severus would've done if he were here. The thought of Severus erased away the memories of the punishments Harry suffered, replacing them with the feelings of comfort, family and safety. And Harry wished so very much that the Potions Master was with him.

"You're okay, Harry, you're safe," Draco kept saying over and over. "You're safe… I'm here… We're in your room… No one's here to hurt you, Harry… I'll keep you safe… I'm here… I'm here… Harry, just breathe for me…"

After for what seemed like an eternity, Harry finally began to take in air. He inhaled deeply, then exhaled. Draco following along with him, until Harry began to breathe normally on his own and his vision finally returned.

And Harry was mortified that he had a panic attack in front of Draco Malfoy! But also, Harry was grateful that Draco was there with him… And so when Draco made to leave, Harry grabbed him by the wrist, tightly holding onto him.

"Don't go yet!" Harry pleaded.

Draco nodded with wide eyes. Grey eyes empty of the coldness and mockery that were once in them. Instead, they were full of concern.

There was a knock on the door. The boys looked up, expecting to see Severus, but no…it was Dumbledore.

"I'm sorry to be disturbing you boys," the headmaster said, eyeing the two boys on Harry's bed.

"Potter was having a panic attack, headmaster, we need Severus," Draco urgently said.

Dumbledore sat on the edge of the bed next to Harry. "Are you alright, Harry?" His brilliant blue eyes connecting to Harry's own.

"I am now, sir, Draco helped me," Harry answered.

Dumbledore nodded. "You're very fortunate to have Draco here with you, I'm so glad that you two have sorted out your differences."

"Is Remus alright? Did Severus help him?" Harry asked.

"It's not going as well as we hoped," the headmaster said.

Harry's stomach dropped in fear. "What do you mean?" he choked out.

"Not all is lost yet. Severus needs your help, Harry."

.

.

Harry found himself flooing straight to the hospital wing with Dumbledore. The sight that met Harry's eyes horrified him. Severus was kneeling down on his knees, holding his wand to Remus who was laying halfway under the bed. Both of their eyes were open, glazed and unseeing.

"Severus!" Harry shouted, running to the Potions Master, kneeling down next to him on the floor. Harry didn't touch Severus, he was too afraid.

"What's wrong with them!" Harry shouted.

"Remus' behavior was not improving. He'd almost attacked Madam Pomfrey, and we couldn't get him to calm down. We asked Severus to use Legilimency on him to bring him out of his wolf-state-of-mind," Dumbledore explained. "Do you understand what I'm saying, Harry?"

"Severus is looking for Remus' soul in his mind?" Harry asked hesitantly, he didn't really understand.

"Yes, you can put it that way."

"Why do you need my help, Professor?" Harry asked, looking at Severus' and Remus' eyes. He noticed the golden color in Remus' that covered his usual hazel-green eyes.

"They've been like this for almost two hours. This length of time is extremely dangerous. It could affect Severus' magical core. This much strain on him is going to weaken him, maybe even kill him. You need to talk to Remus, even if it looks as if he can't hear you, he will, Harry. You must help Severus bring Remus back to the surface of his mind, to dominate the spirit of his wolf-self. Do you think you can help us?"

Harry nodded. "Of course I will."

"Excellent, Harry... Now, put your hand on Remus and just talk to him."

"What should I say?"

"Say anything to him, Harry. Remus needs to hear your voice. Remus needs to hear that he isn't alone."

Harry nodded, glancing again at the frozen Severus and Remus.

"Will Severus be okay after this?"

"We can only hope. Now quickly, the sooner you start the better!"

Harry's heart was thumping fast at the thought of losing Severus. He was starting to feel another panic attack coming on again. Harry fought against it. He couldn't have an attack, not when Severus needed him. Harry couldn't lose Severus, not now, not when everything was starting to seem okay between them. Not when Harry finally found someone who might actually want him. Then it fully hit Harry, that Severus was officially his new adoptive father, something Harry never asked for, something Severus decided to do on his own, simply because he cared for him.

Harry touched Remus' shoulder. He was going to do the best he could for them. For Severus, his new guardian. And for Remus, his father's best friend, his mentor, the man who showed Harry his talent for Defense Against the Dark Arts. These men meant so much to Harry, and he was going to give it his all to help them.

Harry took a deep breath, his heart finally slowing down. Dumbledore put his hand on Harry's shoulder. This time he didn't flinch from the sudden contact. This time, Harry welcomed the reassurance from the headmaster as he turned his focus on Remus.

"Can you hear me, Remus?" Harry said hesitantly at first, not really sure what to say. "I need you, Remus, if you go… I don't know what I'll do. So, please...just come back."

Suddenly, a loud whining came from Remus, spooking Harry. He flinched backwards onto the floor.

"Harry, don't be frightened. You're reaching through to Remus," Dumbledore said encouragingly as he knelt down in front of Harry. "You're doing fine." The headmaster held out his hand for Harry to take.

For Severus and Remus… Harry said to himself, taking a deep breath before accepting Dumbledore's hand.

Dumbledore placed Harry's trembling hand back on Remus' shoulder, covering Harry's hand with his own, offering his support.

"Go on, Harry," Dumbledore said, his eyes twinkling with an icy-blue fire.

"Remus, please keep fighting. Please don't give up. You'll be okay. You won't be alone, you have me. Don't forget me," Harry said with so much passion and truth in his voice.

Everything Harry said, he meant. He wanted Remus back. Harry wanted to have more moments with his mentor, more stories about the Marauders, and the comfort in knowing that Harry wasn't the only one left behind by Sirius. Remus was left behind as well, and Harry wanted to share his grief with him, because only Remus could understand the loss of Sirius.

And Harry realized, yes he was angry at Remus for leaving him, but he was more hurt than anything. Remus may have left him, but Harry was willing to accept him back, so they could have a chance to fix the distance between them. Harry needed Remus as much as he needed Severus. And Harry knew Remus also needed him.

Remus stirred again, reacting to Harry's voice. Harry didn't let go. If it wasn't for Dumbledore helping him, then he wouldn't have had the strength to keep going.

Then after such a long time of holding on to Remus and talking to him… Harry was relieved to see hazel-green eyes instead of the amber eyes of the wolf.

Remus muttered something that sounded like, "Sev…rus…." before passing out.

"You can let go now, Harry!" Dumbledore gasped as Madam Pomfrey rushed forward. Dumbledore pulled the unconscious Remus out from under the bed. Harry turned around, worried for his guardian, whose eyes were now closed.

"Is he okay?" Harry cried out, his body shaking hard. Severus looked so pale and lifeless.

Madam Pomfrey levitated the unconscious Severus onto a bed. Leaving Remus in good hands with Dumbledore, Harry followed her with his heart racing, trying to control his panic. He watched Madam Pomfrey check Severus' vitals, then she muttered a few complicated healing spells and then spelled several potions into him.

After a tense silence, the matron finally said, "He's very weak, Harry, but he'll be okay. His magic is strained. Severus will have to take it easy for a while."

"And Remus?"

"Remus will be okay, I need to go and check on him. Why don't you sit with Severus for a while?"

Harry nodded. "What about…?" He glanced at the door of Narcissa's private room.

Madam Pomfrey casted a Silencing and Disillusionment Charm around Severus' bed.

"Narcissa's door is locked and warded. She's not allowed out of her room, but if she does, Narcissa will only see an empty bed. Don't stay up too long, Harry. If you want, you can sleep on one of the beds besides Severus'."

Harry nodded his thanks.

Harry sat on the chair beside Severus' bed, thinking how close he had come to losing Severus. Wondering what he might've done if his new guardian had died, or even Remus. Harry would've been so utterly alone… That thought made Harry feel so grateful for having the two men in his life. And for once...for the first time since Sirius died, Harry felt like maybe he could be happy… Like he had a purpose to live again, because now, he had Severus and Remus.

When did this happen? Harry asked himself in shock, thinking how highly he thought of Severus now. To Harry, it felt like these feelings just came out of nowhere… Feels like yesterday I've just arrived here, hating Severus. He was Snape, the greasy dungeon bat… And now he's Severus…my guardian… Basically my new father?

After Sirius died, Harry felt lost. He was ready to just give up and die. And then…he had somehow gained a family….

Then suddenly, Harry remembered the scroll Severus had shown him only last night. And the shock that he'd felt, the fear mixed with happiness, and how Harry barely reacted to it, so focused on his anger towards Sirius. Harry didn't even say thank you or say how much it meant to him that Severus wanted him… And Harry could now understand what Draco meant earlier in his room.

Severus adopted me! He adopted me, that means he really does want me… He cares for me! Even Draco has seen it without being told of the situation. I'm such an idiot, I have to do better… I have to try. I don't want to be alone, I want Severus as my…my…dad….

And to Harry's disgust, he realized just how much of a prat he was being by going around acting ungrateful by giving Severus a hard time, getting mad at him for stupid things.

And the whole time, Severus stuck by Harry's side. Never giving up, refusing to let Harry push him away. And because of Severus, Remus was found. Remus was alive and his mind was back. And Harry knew how much Severus hated Remus for being part of his dad's friends that picked on him in school. Harry knew Severus had only worked so hard to bring Remus back only for him… So Harry wouldn't lose another person that was close to him.

Severus did it for me… Draco is right. I need to give Severus a chance, I need to let him in….

Suddenly Harry's new guardian stirred from his sleep. Harry leaned over, grabbing Severus' hand to let him know that he was there. Tired black eyes were suddenly squinting up at Harry.

"Professor?" Harry said softly, suddenly shy to call him anything else. He was still getting his head wrapped around the idea of Severus possibly being his new dad.

Severus turned his head to Harry, staring at him in a confused daze. Harry could see that Severus was drowsy.

"I'm proud of you, kid," Severus muttered, before closing his eyes and falling back to sleep.

Harry just stared at Severus in shock, tears running down his face. Never had Harry expected to hear those words from his new guardian, and it meant so much… So much, that it knocked out some bricks from Harry's mental wall, the very one Severus had been working so hard to get through.

The gaping holes in his wall allowed Harry to climb into Severus' bed without overthinking it, and snuggled up against the sleeping professor. Harry laid his head on Severus' chest so he could hear his guardian's beating heart. The steady beating calmed Harry down, just like during his panic attacks, when Severus would press Harry against his chest, guiding him to breathe. The scent of herbs used for potion ingredients surrounded Harry, and he never felt so safe in his life.

Is this what it feels like to have a dad? Harry thought, before falling asleep into the warmth and protection of his guardian.

.

.

The next morning, the first thing Harry felt before he opened his eyes was someone gently rubbing his back, and the scent of herbs. He snuggled deeper into the blankets, not wanting this moment of security and warmth to wash away.

After a while, once the drowsiness of sleep faded away and Harry became more coherent, did he slowly open his eyes. Harry found himself curled up against Severus' side. Dark eyes with purple shadows underneath them met Harry's own. Not saying anything, Severus slid his arm off of Harry's back. Harry sat up blushing, he hadn't meant to fall asleep.

"I'm sorry, sir," Harry mumbled, straightening his glass. He had fallen asleep with them on. He then moved to sit on the chair.

"There's no need for apologizing," Severus said, his voice sounding hoarse. "You must've been worried last night."

"I was… I really thought you were going to…to..." unable to continue, Harry just shook his head. He didn't want to finish that sentence. Harry didn't want to say that Severus almost died. He felt himself shiver in fear for just thinking of it.

"There's no need to be afraid now," Severus said.

"I know..." Harry shrugged, trying his best to not scratch himself. He had woken up triggered to cut. The emotions and fear, the revelations he had last night, had all caught up to Harry.

Severus placed a trembling hand on Harry's arm, obviously guessing what Harry was trying not to do. "What is troubling you, Harry?"

Harry sighed, remembering his thoughts last night. Remembering what Draco had said about Severus caring for Harry, to give him a chance in trusting him, to stop pushing Severus away. And Harry's own promises to himself that he would try… It was time to let Severus see what was on the other side of Harry's brick wall. Harry knew it was going to be hard, that it might even take a while until that wall was completely down. Today at least he'll do baby steps. Meaning Harry won't let himself close up, he'll talk to his guardian.

"Severus…you'd almost died…and I almost didn't get to tell you how sorry I am for being difficult, for being so angry at you, for cutting myself up and scaring you. For pushing you away, for hitting you last night when you were only trying to help me. You've been trying so hard to get me to talk to you, and I keep pushing you further and further away. I'm so sorry for not even telling you how much it means to me for you to want me as your kid, I'd barely reacted when you'd shown me the Guardian Transfer scrolls… I'd barely reacted… And I should've told you how happy and excited I was that night when you'd showed me them, and also afraid…because the Dursleys who were supposed to want me, never did. You want me to be part of your family, I see now that you care for me, that you want me, but you'd almost died… I almost didn't get to tell you any of that… You brought Remus back to me… You'd put your life in danger to make me happy… And I want you as my dad as much as you want me as your kid… And because of that, I'm going to try to trust you from now on… I'm going to bloody try really hard now, because I want to… I really want to… I almost didn't get to tell you any of that… I almost didn't get to tell you…"

Harry said this all very fast, not even sure if he was making sense. Harry wasn't used to this talking thing, and so everything he was feeling inside, was just spilling out as word vomit. And Harry tried his best to keep direct eye contact with Severus for the first time, without having to be coaxed into it. Harry really tried, even though he was afraid of Severus' response, afraid of rejection, but he had to remain strong. He had to try trusting Severus to not disappoint him. Harry had to take these steps if he was ever going to allow Severus on the other side of his wall one day.

And when he was done, Harry took a deep breath. Finally breaking away his eye contact, staring down at his lap, waiting for an answer.

"You want me as your dad," Severus said, his voice raw and tired.

It wasn't really a question, at least to Harry, it didn't sound like one.

Harry nodded, still looking down. "I do…" he said softly.

"I would want nothing more than to have you as my son," Severus said softly.

Harry finally felt comfortable enough to look back at Severus, and he saw tears glistening in those black eyes that were once so cold to Harry. Now that was nothing more than a thing of the past. It was almost hard to believe that Severus Snape was telling Harry that he wanted him…he wanted Harry as his son .

"Come here, kid," Severus said.

Harry didn't need to be told twice... Another brick had fallen out of his wall. One day it would be nothing but rubble on the ground… Harry could see it already in his future, and he was going to work hard for it. He was going to keep trying to let Severus in, to stop shutting down, to try and trust him. And Harry was so excited and happy to finally have someone he could call his dad.

Harry leaped onto the bed and cuddled up next to Severus, not caring that he was sixteen and too old to cuddle with his new dad. Severus wrapped his arms around him, hugging Harry close to his chest so that he could hear Severus' heartbeat, and he was surrounded by an herby scent, making Harry feel safe and loved. This was what Harry was looking for all along, this was what he'd craved for as a small kid...parental affection... For so long he had been rejected, always kept in the cupboard, always neglected….

"Those words mean so much to me... I've never felt so proud of anyone, of any student before, until now... I'm so proud of you, Harry... You, who have gone through so much, yet remained strong. I'm so happy that you're willing to trust me now, son," Severus whispered in his scratchy voice.

Harry looked at Severus, surprised not only at the fact that Severus just said he was proud of him, but at the term of endearment he'd just used. "So, you really think of me as your son?" Harry choked out with emotion.

"Of course, Harry. I know the arguments we had over the years were terrible. We've both done things to each other that are unforgivable, but we're able to push past that. You know I hate being around other people, but you changed that for me. Hanging around you and your Weasley crew, I realized that I can't spend my life in social isolation. You showed me how great it is to be part of a family… I really do love you as if you were my child of my own flesh and blood."

Severus paused for a while, looking at Harry who was clinging on to every word he was saying. "You don't have to call me dad yet," Severus continued, ruffling Harry's messy hair. "You can still call me Severus. I'm not pressuring you into anything you're not ready for. I'm just letting you know that it's okay if you want to. And I think your father wouldn't mind either. Potter would be glad that I'm here for you, that you have someone living that you can call your dad, so that you're not alone to bear the prophecy or even life itself. I think he'll be okay with this, Harry."

Harry could only nod. He was so touched by what Severus said. At the same time, Harry was amazed that Severus just knew what he was thinking. Yes, a small part of Harry in his mind was wondering what his real dad would think about this. He didn't want James to think that Severus was replacing him. James Potter would always be Harry's real dad, but right now, Harry needed Severus. And Harry just hoped that what Severus said was true. He just had to hope….

They were quiet for a few moments after. Just enjoying each other's presence, and the idea of being part of a family.

"Is Remus going to be okay?" Harry asked, finally letting go of Severus and taking his seat back on the chair. "What happened?"

"I don't know if you want to hear this, Harry..." Severus said hesitantly.

"Just tell me, please!" Harry pleaded.

"Alright, but I'm leaving certain parts out. As it's Lupin's business, and I think he should tell you personally."

Harry nodded. "I understand."

"You know that Lupin was not himself. You know that his mind was taken over by the wolf."

"Yeah, he wasn't fighting back, was he? He was letting the wolf take over his spirit."

"Exactly, Lupin had given up fighting for his body and mind against the wolf. Lupin had suffered greatly when he was held captive by Greyback, it just threw him over the edge. He lost himself, Harry. So when I arrived at the hospital wing Lupin was under the bed, in full wolf mode. Albus wanted me to use Legilimency to find him. I saw..."

"What did you see?"

"Lupin's memories...and I've felt his emotions… I hope you understand that I can't go into detail. It's a violation to go through someone's mind without permission. I had to do it to save him. I already feel guilty enough about it, however, it had to be done."

"Don't feel guilty, Severus, you've saved him," Harry said.

Severus shook his head, waving away Harry's words. "It was you who saved him. I couldn't have done it without you, Harry. I was losing him, but then Lupin heard your voice. You reminded Lupin why he must fight back against his wolf spirit, why it was important to keep living."

"Anyone could've done it," Harry shrugged, feeling bashful.

"No, son," Severus frowned. Harry looked up at the Professor, loving how that term of endearment made him feel.

"No one could've brought Lupin back. No one, except you," Severus said. "I hope that shows you how much you mean to Lupin. He loves you very much, and I think that if it weren't for him being a werewolf, then things would've been very different. He probably would've ended up adopting you as soon as your parents died."

Harry nodded. "I'm just glad he's okay, Severus. Do you think Madam Pomfrey would let me see him?"

"Give him a few more days of rest, Harry, he's gone through quite an ordeal, very emotional. Let him sort things out first."

"Okay…" Harry said.

The Professor closed his eyes, and then suddenly his breathing became heavy.

"Severus?"

"Hmm…?" the Professor hummed.

"I love you too," Harry said shyly.

Severus barely opened his eyes at Harry's words. He reached out, cupping Harry's face gently, before leaning back into his pillows, closing his tired eyes once more.

It had been two days since Severus had brought Lupin back, who was still unconscious in the bed across from Severus. Madam Pomfrey was expecting him to wake up any day now, she said Lupin's mind and body was still internally recovering. Lupin just needed time. So for two days, Severus was stuck in the hospital wing with only the unconscious werewolf for company. Two days of being stuck in the hospital wing due to his strained magical core, making him weak, and Severus hated it. And what made things worse than being forced to rest, was that Narcissa found out Severus was recovering in the hospital wing, near her room. So she took the chance to visit Severus for a chat a couple of hours each day. The bloody woman was exhausting.

Right away, Severus had made sure Harry and Draco were taken care of. He had sent them to the Burrow, so Molly could look after them. And now Severus was tired of reading, tired of the meaningless conversations with Narcissa. Tired of lying around, doing nothing but rest.

Severus missed Harry. He missed having his kid around. How did that happen? How did Severus grow to love that boy like his own son? Life was certainly strange sometimes. Severus used to hate Harry with a raging passion the moment he'd first set eyes on him, but due to the events of this past summer, things had somehow changed.

And so when Severus woke up that morning with a certain sleeping teenager cuddled up next to him, Severus' heart completely melted. As he held his new son in his arms, Severus felt his cold exterior going away, his mask that he so carefully built to hide his emotions, went down. All for the sake of this kid who desperately longed for a family.

Yes, life was strange... It had brought two people who were alone, who were lost, together to form their own little family. And really, Severus couldn't be happier. He didn't even know how he lived before this summer without Harry. He couldn't stand the idea of not being alone again. And for once, Severus wasn't angry at Albus for forcing him to take Harry in all those weeks ago… Severus was very grateful for the old fool.

Then the nagging thought came to mind, freezing Severus' beating heart as he thought of the progress Harry had suddenly made. When Severus awoke that morning with Harry in his arms, Harry opened up to Severus, even making the effort to look at Severus and say that he was going to try his best to trust him… Somehow, Severus had gotten through to him… Harry's brick wall must be fractured enough now to allow Harry to say those very words… I love you, too… It was amazing progress. And how was Severus supposed to care for Harry, allow Harry to trust him when Severus had that terrible task for Albus? How could Severus have Harry as his son? When knowing in the end, that Severus was destined to hurt Harry in a way no other person has hurt him before.

Severus shook his head, getting off the bed, his body shaking from the strength it took. Severus was so weak from over use of Legilimency. His magic was nearly depleted. His body sapped of its strength. And Severus wondered if he would ever be magically and physically strong again.

Severus shakily made his way to the door, intent on finding Albus. He had to tell the headmaster the situation. He couldn't do it. Severus would rather die from Narcissa's unbreakable vow than betray his son. He would rather die with Harry knowing that Severus loved him, than live and kill Albus, betraying Harry, and then possibly dying in the war with Severus' last thoughts on how much Harry hated him. He couldn't lose the boy now, not that way, especially when Harry's lost so much already.

"Where are you heading off to, Severus?" Albus Dumbledore asked as he entered the hospital wing, the very wizard Severus wanted to see.

"I was going to see you, in fact," Severus said, sitting back down on his bed.

"Where is Narcissa?" Dumbledore asked. "I've come to talk to her about the arrangements of her relocation."

"Since the boys are not in the castle, she and Poppy are taking a walk outside." Severus snapped, "Albus, I can't do it!"

"Severus..." the headmaster said, with a touch of warning in his voice.

"No, Albus! I can't! I just had a breakthrough with Harry a few days ago, and I've realized that I would rather die than betray him. I can't hurt him. Not when he's just learning to trust again, your stupid plan will destroy Harry!"

"Harry will be fine, Severus, we all have to sacrifice for the greater good. Besides, you're not giving Harry enough credit, he's stronger than you think. I don't want to be bothered by this anymore. You've promised, and that's all there is to it. You've given me your word, and I expect you to keep it!"

"Harry is finally starting to trust me, Albus! Harry's my family now, my son! And you're asking me to do the unthinkable! We're not pawns for you in this war! What you're asking for, it's too much! I don't think I can sacrifice my son for you!"

"Severus, you are strong, Harry is strong, and in the end…you two will have plenty of time to repair what's destined to break. But first of all, you have to consider that if you don't do what I ask, then there won't be a future for any of us. There won't be a future where you and Harry can have a healthy father-son relationship. Would you really want Harry to live through dark times, Severus? Wouldn't it be better to live in peace of Voldemort?"

Severus sighed in defeat. Albus was right. Damn it, he was right! Severus was being selfish, and of course it was all for the greater good! If Severus didn't complete his task, then there would be no hope of a future. There would be nothing but death and pain. He loved Harry with all his heart, and Severus couldn't subject the boy to that. Harry deserved to live in peace, without war, without darkness and murder. Severus felt so unbelievably torn. Betray Harry for the greater good so that the war could end, the light side could win and they could live in peace or Severus backs out of Albus' task. Severus chooses to die instead of betraying Harry, and let the war continue, leaving Harry alone to possibly die at the hands of the Dark Lord.

What Severus only saw was that in the end, whatever he chose, Harry was going to suffer either way. And Severus just hoped that in the end, when the time came, Harry would be ready. Harry would be strong enough to get through it.

Severus sighed, and climbed back into his bed. His sudden energy to argue with Albus was depleted. Severus was always getting tired very easily these past few days, due to his zapped magical core…but it was all worth it to know that Lupin was okay, making Harry happy.

"I'm truly sorry, Severus," Albus said, sounding tired and regretful.

Severus just closed his eyes, angry at the headmaster for putting him in this position.

The headmaster soon left, his footsteps fading away as Severus hoped that Albus was right. That in the end, when all this was over, and he and his son were hopefully still alive, that Severus would be able to fix what was destined to be broken. As for now, Severus just had to fill these days up with as much love and happiness he could give to his kid, before everything was gone...

Review Responses!

Guest: everything is okay for now, *laughs evilly* =D…but really thanks for reviewing! Reviews really encourage me to keep writing.=)

Takingitinstride: Thank you so much! Did you love this chapter as well?=)