Already Home

by Chase'sGirl19

Harry takes the death of his Godfather very hard to the point where Petunia has no choice but to contact Dumbledore for help. Dumbledore sends Snape to check on Harry and finds that the boy is not only depressed but suicidal and abused. Meanwhile Remus Lupin goes missing from his mission for the Order. SeverusXRemus and HarryXGinny shippings Mentions of cutting, suicide, and abuse

23. Chapter 23 A Torturous Night

Chapter Twenty-Three – A Torturous Night

Warning: This chapter is long, you'll need snacks lol.

That morning Harry and Severus were eating breakfast, when Hedwig suddenly swooped in from the enchanted kitchen window. The snowy owl dropped two letters on top of Harry's eggs before landing on his shoulder.

"Thanks, Hedwig," Harry said to his owl, offering her a piece of his toast.

Hedwig had been spending a lot of time in the Owlery. She was looking more healthier and stress-free now that she wasn't locked in her cage 24/7 at the Dursleys.

"Harry, no feeding your owl at the table, we've discussed this," Severus said, as a barn owl flew in through the window with the Daily Prophet. Severus placed a few sickles in its money pouch before the owl took off with a screech.

"Hedwig, you better get out of here. Someone's in a mood," Harry whispered to his owl. He handed her another piece of toast. Hedwig grabbed it with her talons, then took off after the barn owl with an insulted click of her beak.

Harry looked up to find Severus glaring at him.

"What?" Harry asked, his voice feigning innocence.

Severus just shook his head in exasperation as he opened up his newspaper, disappearing behind it.

Harry turned his attention to the two envelopes sitting on his eggs. He grabbed the first one, shaking off bits of egg and tomato before opening it up. Just as Harry thought, it was his Hogwarts letter, listing the supplies and books he would need for his sixth year.

Quickly going over the new textbooks that were listed, Harry realized there was nothing listed for Potions, and his heart sank. That meant he didn't make it into Severus' N.E.W.T class. A lump formed in Harry's throat when he realized he might not become an Auror after all, and he felt bad for letting Professor McGonagall down. Harry remembered the day she swore to Umbridge that she was going to make sure Harry achieved his dream, even if it was the last thing she did.

"We can go to Diagon Alley in a couple of days. I'm assuming the next envelope contains your O.W.L results?" Severus said, folding up his newspaper and placing it on the table.

Harry picked up the second letter, afraid to open it.

"Sev, Potions wasn't in my book list. I don't think I can look..."

"You can't have done that bad now, open it."

Harry sighed in defeat, with his stomach suddenly feeling queasy with nerves. He opened the envelope slowly at first, then his heart leaped in relief as Harry realized his O.W.L's were decent. Maybe he could find something else to do instead of an Auror.

"Well?" Severus asked. "How did you do?"

"Not bad," Harry said, going over his results again. "An A in Astronomy, E for Care of Magical Creatures, Charms, Herbology, Transfiguration…and Potions! O in Defense, a P in Divination, and a D in History of Magic."

"What did I say? That's not bad, kid. Let me take a look."

Harry handed Severus his O.W.L results.

"Yeah, pretty good," Harry said. "But I guess I can kiss being an Auror goodbye."

Severus frowned as he looked at the letter. "Yes, I only allow O students into my N.E.W.T classes. Since N.E.W.T level Potions is only for those who are serious about the subject."

"Yeah, you've lectured us enough last year before our O.W.L.s," Harry sighed.

"You really want to be an Auror?" Severus asked, putting down the O.W.L results, looking Harry straight in the eye.

Harry held eye contact for less than a second, before feeling uncomfortable, moving his gaze down to his plate. The sight of food was suddenly nauseating to Harry.

"It's the only thing I'm interested in doing, if you know… I survived the war," Harry said quietly, feeling Severus' gaze on him still. The intense stare was making him close up, and Harry had no idea why.

Why am I like this? Harry thought.

This was just a normal conversation, yet no one had ever shown an interest in Harry's education or what he wanted to do with it, besides Professor McGonagall.

But she has to, it's her job….

Severus was showing interest as a parent, it was just weird to have someone care like that for Harry. It was sort of freaking Harry out, to have a guardian discussing his education, and what he wanted to do as an adult. It was something Dudley always did with his parents, while Harry was always ignored or punished for doing too well in school.

Perhaps, that's why I'm closing up?

"Look at me, kid. Come on, I'm waiting," Severus said gently. "I know you're closing yourself up, there's no need for that. You're in a safe place, and if you feel bad for not achieving an O for Potions, do not beat yourself up over it. It's amazing that you got an E, especially for it being one of your weaker subjects."

"No…it's not that…" Harry muttered, forcing himself to speak, to tell Severus what he was feeling. "It's just weird that you care. The Dursleys never cared for my grades, as long as I didn't do better than Dudley."

"I see," Severus said. "Did they hurt you when your marks were higher than your cousin's?"

Still looking down, Harry nodded. He missed the sudden anger that flashed in Severus' eyes directed towards the Dursleys.

"Do you want to talk about it?" Severus asked.

Harry shook his head.

"Well, unlike those muggles, I do care for your education, Harry. And you will have a future. You're going to become an Auror, if that's what you wish."

"I didn't get an O in Potions," Harry said in a gloomy voice.

"I have a proposition for you," Severus said. "But I need you to look at me, so I can tell you."

Harry felt his chest tighten, barely hearing Severus' words as he remembered Aunt Petunia slapping Harry's face when he would get better marks than Dudley. And how Harry was always forced to do Dudley's homework and ignore his own, only to get benched for recess at school the next day to make up for his missing homework.

Harry imagined himself sitting behind his brick wall, surrounded by those memories and the emotions linked to them, and the fact that they didn't care. Dudley was always put first. And Harry imagined Severus on the other side of the wall, knocking at the rough red brick with all of its cracks and holes, calling Harry's name to get his attention.

"Take a deep breath, Harry. Come out from that wall of yours and look at me," Severus said again when Harry didn't say anything, still looking down.

Harry did as he was told, taking a deep breath. His eyes finally landed back on Severus' face.

"Are you back with me?" Severus asked, his voice sincere, calm. It grounded Harry.

Harry nodded.

"Now, I was already considering this, since only Granger and Draco passed Potions with an O this year. I need more students, so I'm willing to accept students with Exceeds Expectations, if you prove to me that you'll be okay in my N.E.W.T class. I don't want to throw you in if you're not ready. And I'm going to be doing the same with all of the Exceeds Expectations students as well on their first day back."

"Okay, how do I prove to you that I can pass your N.E.W.T class?"

"Today while I'm brewing medicinal potions for Madam Pomfrey, I want you to show me that you're capable of brewing a simple N.E.W.T Level Potion on your own."

Harry nodded. "Sounds fair."

.

.

"This potion is very simple, Harry," Severus said in irritation, as he stirred the muck that was supposed to be Harry's potion. "How did you botch this up?"

"I don't know... I was following the directions," Harry muttered, not telling Severus the real reason why he'd messed up. Harry didn't want to hurt the Professor's feelings. Maybe, this whole thing was a mistake...

"What happened, Potter?" Severus asked again.

Harry sighed in frustration. "I don't know!"

This wasn't turning out as great as he'd thought it would be. Harry wanted to show his guardian that he could do it. That he would be okay in the Potions N.E.W.T class, but it was hard when Severus kept breathing down Harry's neck, and scowling at him every time he'd picked up the wrong ingredient or missed a step. With Severus acting like that, it made Harry nervous and doubt himself. He just felt like he was being set up to purposely fail.

"Never mind this!" Severus snapped with impatience.

The Professor vanished the potion away to Harry's displeasure, and pointed towards his own work station.

"Chop up those roaches for me!" Severus ordered. "It's obvious you can't brew a simple potion, so you'll just be preparing ingredients for me today!"

Harry glared at Severus, silently doing what he was told. He held in all of his clever comebacks to the Professor, only because Harry didn't want to get grounded to his room for the rest of the day.

Harry sat down at the workstation, and started chopping the roaches, trying not to let his anger show. Suddenly a hand rested on his own, stopping Harry from savagely beheading his next roach.

"Stop. You're going to hurt yourself like that. Why are you angry?" Severus snapped.

"It's nothing," Harry said, pulling his hand away from the Professor's.

"Harry..." Severus said in a warning voice.

"Okay, fine! I didn't want to say anything, but I feel like I'm in your class again, before our relationship. You're acting like a git, and you're treating me like you hate me again. I couldn't concentrate with you standing over my shoulder expecting me to fail!"

"Harry, don't be silly. I don't hate you. And I certainly wasn't expecting you to fail."

"I know that! But you're acting like you do, why do you do that?"

"Do what?"

"Act intimating to your students. We're just kids trying to learn and you bully us. I can't learn like that, Neville can't learn like that. No one can!"

"Harry, I act intimating when it comes to teaching Potions because this subject is not something to be taken lightly. One wrong ingredient can blow up this room, this very castle. Working with hundreds of teenagers a day means I'm at risk every day for my life, and the students' lives. That's why I'm so strict, because I don't want you guys to mess around and hurt people!"

Harry felt his anger deflate a bit. Severus did have a point. But still, it didn't mean he had to act like an asshole!

"Okay, sorry, you're right. But it won't hurt to tone it down."

Severus frowned at Harry's request.

"It's been my teaching style for years, and it's never failed me. For years, Harry, I've seen different students come and go. Some brilliant at this subject as you are in Defense, some as poor as Longbottom. For the ones that are brilliant in the subject, they've loved the challenge I've given them. They've appreciated that I didn't go easy on them. Now, are you asking me to not challenge those students just to go easy on the students who don't care for the subject at all?"

Harry shook his head. "No, sir, but seriously, you don't have to bully poor Neville."

Severus rolled his eyes at the mention of Neville.

"It won't matter now, Longbottom isn't going to be in my N.E.W.T class. Listen, I'm sorry for shouting at you. Do you want to try the potion again?"

Harry nodded. "Yeah... And I promise I won't blow up your lab, if you don't stand over me and scowl whenever I mess something up."

"Alright, Harry, I'll just be over there," Severus said, setting up a new cauldron in front of Harry and a new batch of ingredients. "Try again, show me you can be in my N.E.W.T class."

Harry nodded determinedly, and started reading the directions three times so he wouldn't mess anything up again. The two were now working quietly together, adding ingredients into their potions and occasionally stirring. The fumes of the potions were heavy in the air, and Harry was trying his best to complete it. He really wanted to be an Auror, this was his last chance to prove to Severus that he could do it.

After an hour had passed, Harry lowered the flames under his cauldron to a simmer. "I'm done, Sev," he said.

"Let me see," Severus said, coming over to inspect. Harry sat on his stool, watching Severus as he stirred the potion.

It's not exactly the right shade of blue, but it's the right smell, right consistency. It should be okay... Harry thought nervously.

And just when Harry couldn't bear the suspense another second, Severus finally looked up at him with pride in his dark eyes.

"It's satisfactory, a far greater improvement than the last," Severus said.

Harry grinned, relief washing over him. "You think so?"

Severus nodded, turning off the fire underneath the potion.

"It is, Harry, and I see why you were upset. I was making it impossible for you to work by hovering and putting pressure on you."

"It's no big deal, I guess I work better without that," Harry muttered, feeling embarrassed.

Harry wasn't used to being heard like this, and he thought about his brick wall. The one that hid all of his bad childhood memories, protecting them from adults he couldn't trust. And once again, Harry imagined Severus still banging against the fractured brick, his muffled voice being heard from the other side.

The wall wasn't standing as strong as it once was... Another crack appeared on its surface from the simple act of Severus putting aside his pride and listening to Harry, apologizing for his behavior towards Harry, and for caring enough for Harry's education and his dream of becoming an Auror. Those were definitely things Harry had never received from the Dursleys, and it made Harry realize the difference between a loving and healthy relationship between a child and parent, versus an abusive one. With that realization, the crack became deeper, until another red brick fell from Harry's mental wall.

"You've proved to me that you can do a decent potion on your own," Severus said, unaware of what was going on in Harry's head, the trust Severus was starting to earn. "I'll speak to the headmaster about permitting Exceeds Expectation students into my N.E.W.T classes, once they've passed their own tests."

"Okay, great! Thanks, Severus!"

"There's no need to thank me, Harry, it was all you," Severus smiled softly at him.

"I hope I'm not interrupting anything," Albus Dumbledore said from where he was standing by the lab door.

"No, we're just finishing up. Harry, why don't you clean up and then you can have the rest of the afternoon for yourself," Severus said as he walked into his office with the headmaster.

"Okay," Harry said, and started to gather up all the ingredients.

"Have you found out anything more about who could be after Harry?" Severus asked, before the door to the office shut behind them and a silencing charm went up. Harry couldn't hear anything else.

Harry sighed. Severus hadn't mentioned anything about the incident. He seemed to know as much as Harry at the moment. Harry wished they would find out soon. Someone was always after him. Harry wished he could just have a peaceful year for once as he gathered up the unused ingredients to put them in the cupboard. He cleared away some of the old junk inside and noticed a dusty old book. Harry took it out and placed the ingredients back inside the cupboard. He flipped through the book, intending to put it back when something in it caught his eye.

In small and cramped black ink: The Property of the Half-Blood Prince was written inside. Harry looked closely at the old book. It was a textbook called Advanced Potion Making. He noticed how worn it was and there was writing on every page. Harry didn't know why, but he felt the urge to keep it, so he stuffed the book inside the pocket of his sweater.

---

"Have you found out anything more about who could be after Harry?" Severus asked, then muttering, "Silencio," knowing how nosey his son could be.

"I've had my suspicions," Albus said, walking around the small office, examining some of Severus' potions on the shelves.

"On who?" Severus asked.

"It could possibly have been Narcissa Malfoy," Albus said slowly.

"Well, no fucking shit! Albus! You were right to not trust her... Why you'd decided to still send her to a safe house instead of sending her to Azkaban is beyond me!" Severus snapped out impatiently.

"There's one thing I've found out. What Remus said at the last meeting made sense. I've been pondering this over for days. I've spoken to the house-elves about that day, they said she was out of her room for a while. Someone on our side could've passed through undetected. Draco was there, so the wards would've let her pass. No one else was there from the Order, unless you want to suspect one of the Weasleys."

"I've never trusted Narcissa. I'm glad she's out of the castle. I'm just worried for Draco. I know he had nothing to do with this. Are you positive it could've been her?"

"Yes, you're the only one I've told my suspicions about. Tell no one yet, until we're sure. I can't have Narcissa finding out and then leaving. It's better that she stays where we can watch her."

"My question is, if it is Narcissa, why is she doing this? Why now? When her son has a task to complete. I don't know if the Dark Lord knows anything about this plan. He hasn't called me or told me anything. It could be him or for Narcissa's own vendetta, or whomever she's working with," Severus said.

Albus nodded. "That's what worries me. I want you and Remus to keep an eye on Harry at all times until we gather up more information. I don't want them to succeed."

"Of course, Albus. And one other thing, I've decided to allow Exceeds Expectations students into my N.E.W.T classes this year, provided that they pass my test. I know it's a little late but if it's possible..."

"Why certainly, Severus, I'll send out letters before the end of the day to the students. What on earth changed your mind?" Albus chuckled.

"You already know," Severus sighed.

Albus chuckled again before he left the room, pausing only to talk to Harry who finished up the cleaning.

.

.

It was late in the evening now, Severus was cooking up some dinner for Harry, pondering the possibility of Narcissa being after his son. She hadn't really caused much trouble while staying here. Narcissa kept to herself mostly, and she hadn't said anything about Harry.

That's because Narcissa doesn't know. We've kept it a secret from her, but she was suspicious… Maybe, she did know that Harry was at Hogwarts?

Severus suddenly remembered that night when he heard the whispering coming from the hospital wing, leading him to Narcissa's door. It came back to him with a full force. Severus couldn't believe that he'd forgotten it. He wondered again what she was up to that night, was she already conspiring then? Severus wondered if Draco knew anything about what his mother was planning, or maybe, there was a possibility she was innocent. Right now, with hardly any evidence, Narcissa's only a suspect, innocent until proven guilty. All Albus could do was station Order members to guard the safe house Narcissa was currently staying at, and report any suspicious activity or visitors coming along.

Suddenly, a burning pain shot through Severus' forearm where the Dark Mark was etched into his skin, causing Severus to drop the plate he was holding, hissing in pain. The Dark Lord was calling. And judging by how unbearable the pain was, Severus knew the Dark Lord was very angry.

Severus summoned up his magical strength, hoping he was strong enough to at least produce a vapor, if not a corporeal form. He whispered out, "Expecto Patronum!"

As Severus expected, a weak vapor appeared. He quickly conveyed the message to Remus Lupin that he must come and watch Harry. Severus started to shake hard, feeling the strain of his still healing magical core, and he was afraid to face the wrath of the Dark Lord. Severus didn't know if he would survive it.

Severus was still shaking, sliding down against the counter, when Lupin stepped out of the fireplace.

"Severus!" Lupin shouted, finding Severus in the kitchen.

Lupin was suddenly at Severus' side and grabbed his upper arm, holding him up... Severus was so close to just letting himself fall to the floor. The pain was getting worse the longer Severus kept the Dark Lord waiting.

"I have to go, before Harry sees me like this!" Severus gasped, shaking Lupin off.

"Don't worry, I'll tell him something…" but Lupin didn't get to finish his sentence.

"Tell me what?" Harry asked, stepping into the kitchen. The teen caught sight of Severus barely able to stand.

"Sev, are you okay?" Harry rushed over to Severus.

There was no use hiding it now.

"It's the Dark Lord," Severus gasped in pain, showing his Dark Mark to Lupin and Harry. It was dark and moving, burning with pain, making his veins pop out from underneath his skin.

"No, Severus, don't go!" Harry suddenly said as he examined the mark, then Severus' pale face. Severus could feel the waves of fear coming off from Harry, he could hear it in his son's voice.

"I'll come back, I promise," Severus said, hating himself for lying, because honestly, he didn't know if he'll come back. Severus' magic was weak, that meant he won't be able to fully defend himself mentally and physically.

Severus straightened himself up, and enveloped Harry into a hug.

Just in case….

Severus felt Harry flinch against him from the sudden contact without any warning. Then Harry sunk into him, his face pressed against Severus' chest.

As he held his adopted son, Severus caught the werewolf's eye over Harry's head. And by the look on his face, Severus could see that Lupin somehow understood his fears.

"Keep him in your sight until I return," Severus said.

"Harry's safe with me," Lupin answered, his eyes flecked with gold.

Severus could only nod in return, still holding Harry tightly against him, trying his best to ignore the pain shooting through his arm, spreading up to his beating heart and pumping lungs, making it hard for him to breathe. Severus was sure Harry could feel his body shaking, because his son was holding on to him just as tightly.

Despite Severus' dislike for Lupin, he'd never appreciated the werewolf's presence until that very moment. Lupin was the only one that Severus could trust to protect Harry and love him as he would his own child, with the second choice being the Weasleys, of course. And having Lupin here with Harry tonight, at least Severus didn't have to worry about his adopted son while Severus was under the presence of the Dark Lord.

Another sharp and fiery pain shot through Severus, causing his body to jolt from the pain. He had to go, the Dark Lord was getting angrier with each passing second. Severus tried to step back, to let go of Harry, but the teen stubbornly clung on.

"You have to let go, Harry. I promise I'll return," Severus said again softly, reluctantly prying Harry's arms off of himself.

"Sev, please don't go," Harry pleaded. "You're afraid. You weren't this afraid last time you were called. That means there's a chance you may not come back."

Severus knelt down, looking into those green eyes. Severus wanted to reassure Harry that everything was going to be okay, but the words were caught in his throat... There was always a chance of Severus' life ending whenever he was in the presence of the Dark Lord. But Harry was right. With this sudden call, of how severe the pain his Dark Mark was causing Severus, and the fact that Severus was keeping the Dark Lord waiting, the chance of his death tonight was higher than all the others. Somehow, Harry had seen Severus' fear through his mask.

Seeing Severus struggling to speak, Lupin silently stepped forward, placing a hand on Harry's shoulder, holding him back.

"Don't doubt Severus. He knows what he's doing. He's clever and powerful enough to fool Voldemort. Trust him to come back."

And Severus appreciated the words that Lupin said... Those were the exact words Severus wanted to say. And the touch of Lupin's hand on Harry's shoulder seemed to calm the boy, as Harry finally let go of Severus.

And it broke Severus' heart to walk away from Harry while Lupin spoke to him. It broke his heart to hear Harry calling after him as the portrait door of his quarters shut behind him. It broke Severus inside to leave his son, to go to the Dark Lord, where it was possible Severus might not even come back at all. And it was in that moment, that Severus truly hated this position he was in. Severus hated being Albus' spy, but he had to do it. He was the only one who could do it. And if Severus gave up his position, then the war would be lost.

.

.

The Dark Lord was angry when Severus arrived. He could feel it in the tensed air. He could feel it in the pain his Dark Mark was causing, and the way the Death Eaters stood in the shadows, not saying a word nor making a single sound. The Dark Lord was sitting on his throne, in his father's house. Nagini was slithering around his bare feet, her poisonous tongue tasting the air. Severus shivered in disgust as he summoned up every bit of magic he had to make sure his mental shields were strongly secured.

"Ah, Severus, you took your time." The Dark Lord's voice was so evil, nauseating, it chilled Severus to the bone. Severus forced himself to remain nonchalant, not letting his fear show.

"Forgive me, My Lord, I was speaking to Dumbledore at the time. It was not easy for me to get away," Severus said respectively, bowing his head down.

"Crucio!" The Dark Lord shouted, his red eyes shining malevolently.

Severus gave it his all to not scream in pain. It was a thousand knives stabbing him all at once, it was a thousand bolts of lightning striking his body. Severus' muscles began to spasm, his eyes rolling in the back of his head. It felt like it lasted forever before the spell lifted and Severus was left panting on the floor, and just thankful that he was able to keep up his shields during the painful curse.

"You're now forgiven for your delay, Severus. We have some plans to discuss concerning young Potter. I have reason to believe that he's staying with you, is he not?"

And fear, unimaginable fear was pulsing through him, threatening to take down his shields, but Severus remained strong and unbreakable.

"Yes, my Lord," Severus said as he stood up, forcing his body not to tremble. He dared not show any weakness in front of the Dark Lord.

He knows about Harry… Who told him?

"And why have you not told me?" The red eyes glared at Severus.

"I could not. I was under the old fool's orders to keep quiet. If I told you, Dumbledore would see it as an act of betrayal, costing my position in this war."

"I see…" The Dark Lord hissed.

Without warning, Severus felt the Dark Lord probing his mind. The Dark Lord's darkness surrounded Severus, threatening to swallow him up. Severus was ready to Occlude, he was always ready. Accepting the darkness, staying calm, and throwing in everything he had to keep his mind safely blocked, Severus began to cover up his Occlumency by creating false images in his head, so that the Dark Lord would only see the lies Severus told him.

Unaware of what Severus was doing, the Dark Lord watched the false images of Harry and Severus constantly fighting, of Dumbledore forbidding Severus to say anything. It was a gift Severus possessed as a true master of Occlumency.

"I see, Severus, you must act like nothing has changed. I want you to keep your position... It might be to our advantage that you have Potter under your wing. Bond with the brat, mold his brain into thinking that by siding with Albus Dumbledore, he's making a mistake. Potter can be great if he rules by my side, both of us."

Severus nodded. "I will do that, my Lord. Even though it'll be difficult since we both hate each other."

"Then deceive the boy. Make him believe you care for him, Severus!"

"Yes, My Lord." Severus gritted his teeth behind his Death Eater mask.

A slicing charm was aimed at his leg, blood streamed down to the floor. Severus didn't move or dared show any pain. Keeping his head bowed, Severus waited until he was excused.

The crowd of murmuring Death Eaters in the shadows surrounded them. Now that the Dark Lord's anger seemed to cool down a bit, the Death Eaters began to relax. Severus could hear Bellatrix Lestrange's quiet, nervous laughter. The growls of Fenrir Greyback and his red eyes glowing in the shadows. The quiet murmur of Death Eaters and the swish of their cloaks. There was no sign of Narcissa Malfoy. Severus wondered if that meant anything.

"And one other thing, Severus, Narcissa Malfoy is a traitor. She has betrayed her family, her bloodline, and she has betrayed me. I have reasons to believe that she might be under Dumbledore's protection. Are you withholding any more information from me?"

Strange... The Dark Lord doesn't know where Narcissa's at? He believes she has really betrayed him. Does this mean that if she's the one behind Harry's attack, her purpose for it may not be for the Dark Lord?

"My Lord…" Severus started, but before he could finish his sentence, Severus was under intense pain from the Cruciatus Curse again. Severus clenched his jaw, trying not to scream. He accidentally bit his tongue, tasting the coppery blood in his mouth. And for a terrifying moment, Severus couldn't find the strength to summon up his false images, leaving his blocked mind unprotected.

The only thing Severus could think of was to keep his mind focused on Narcissa, allowing the Dark Lord to see everything concerning her so that it distracted him from seeing Severus' Occluded mind. The Dark Lord could have all of that information, Severus was ready for his wrath, as long as all the other secrets Severus held in his head were protected.

The Dark Lord probed through Severus' mind, slithering his way in and befouling Severus with his dark presence. Images of Narcissa flashed through Severus' head….

Narcissa in the hospital wing… The conversation they had in the night… The fact that she's under suspicion and in hiding… Of the Order meeting discussing the possibility of Narcissa being behind Harry's attack, and of Albus' own suspicions...

"You dare keep this from me, Severus! Crucio!" the Dark Lord shouted.

And Severus couldn't pretend to be strong anymore. He let out a scream, still trying his best to keep up his shields. He was having a hard time. Severus' magic was severely strained, he was too weak. The only thing that kept him trying, was that behind his shields were the thoughts of his son waiting for Severus to come home.

After a long while, Severus had no idea how long, the spell was finally lifted.

The Death Eaters were once again silent, afraid of the Dark Lord's wrath. If he was punishing his most trusted servant, then no one was safe.

"What else are you hiding from me, Severus? Oh how you've disappointed me. I see that no one here is truly loyal!"

"Dumbledore put them in a safe house! No one knows where they are!" Severus gasped out in pain. "But Draco is still attending Hogwarts in the fall. I do know he's still working on the mission you gave him. Draco's still loyal to you, My Lord!"

The Dark Lord glared at him. "Very well, Severus. Once Draco does his part, then I'm sure he can tell me where his mother is hiding."

Not likely… Severus thought, vowing to protect Draco once the time comes.

The Dark Lord stood up and walked slowly around Severus, then he knelt down, crooning in Severus' ear. "You may have disappointed me, Severus, but you're still my most favorite and trusted servant." The silky smooth voice made Severus want to throw up, but he held it together. "I'll give you another chance to make up for your disloyalty. Next time I call you, bring me Potter."

No… I can't! You bastard! Severus was screaming behind his shields.

Severus' body was shaking uncontrollably, luckily that could be blamed from being under the Cruciatus Curse too many times. And then Severus felt the Dark Lord's presence once more, forcing his way into Severus' mind. Severus gave everything he had, he gave every last spark of magic his magical core could offer to Occlude his mind and send out false images to make the Dark Lord believe Severus was still on his side.

"The next time I call for you, have Potter or it'll be your life! Now leave my sight!"

Severus got up, taking those words as his cue to go before he was subjugated under the Cruciatus Curse or Legilimency again. Severus limped out of the wards as fast as he could before quickly Apparating back to Hogwarts.

---

"Don't doubt Severus. He knows what he's doing. He's clever and powerful enough to fool Voldemort. Trust him to come back," Remus said, placing his hand on Harry's shoulder, turning Harry towards him as he spoke.

The reassurance in Remus' voice distracted Harry for only a moment, until Harry heard the portrait door opening. Harry turned back around, just in time to see Severus in the living room, disappearing through the door frame.

"Severus, please don't go!" Harry shouted in panic.

Harry tried to go after his guardian, but Remus' hand that was still on his shoulder, tightened, forcing Harry to stay back. He was reminded how strong Remus could be, it reminded Harry the last time Remus held him back like this. It was when Sirius was falling through the veil. And remembering the day he'd lost his godfather, mixed with the fear of losing Severus as well, Harry's throat began to close up, followed by a heavy weight forming in his chest.

"Dad!" Harry shouted as the portrait door shut behind Severus' retreating back.

"Cub! Severus' going to be okay. I'm here with you, please calm yourself!"

Harry didn't acknowledge Remus' reassurance. He barely heard him as he fought out of Remus' grasp, trying to pry his hands off. Harry didn't care that he was acting like a little kid. Harry didn't care that he was making it harder for Severus to go, making it harder for Remus to keep him safe as well. The only thing Harry cared about was the fear he'd seen behind Severus' emotionless mask. It was shining through his dark eyes and it had shown in the tightness of the hug Severus gave Harry. Severus' fear had shown itself in the way Harry had felt his body trembling with pain. Severus was afraid. That meant the chance of him coming back hurt or even possibly dying was so high. And Harry couldn't bear the thought of losing Severus, not when they were starting to get so close, not when Harry was starting to trust and love him as his dad.

"Harry, he's gone now!" Remus said, finally letting Harry go.

Harry ran to the portrait door to find that it wouldn't open, it was sealed shut to keep him in.

"Severus!" Harry shouted, pounding the door.

There was still a chance to stop him. Severus wouldn't be able to Disapparate inside of Hogwarts. He had to walk to the gates first. There was still time for Harry to catch up. Thanks to Dudley, Harry was a fast runner. But the door wouldn't open. Harry turned around, his back to the door, facing Remus.

"Let me out!" Harry bellowed.

Remus stood in front of Harry, with his wand out from sealing the door magically shut. He didn't move, only watching Harry with a worried frown on his face, and his eyes dark and sad.

"Harry, he's gone, and besides, Severus wants you to stay here, safe. Please trust me when I say that he's going to come back, you'll see. Severus knows what he's doing. He's strong enough to keep himself safe, he always has. Don't underestimate him."

"You don't know that, Remus, you don't know!" Harry shouted. "I understand Voldemort has high regards for Severus for being his spy, but what if that isn't enough to stop Voldemort from killing him. I know Severus has been doing this for a long time, and can take care of himself. But he was afraid, really afraid! Severus wasn't like that the last time he was called. Something's wrong, I can tell. What if Voldemort found out Severus adopted me? Voldemort's going to kill him!"

Harry didn't think he could take the grief if something happened to Severus, especially when he was still dealing with his grief for his godfather. This was just too much like the night he'd lost Sirius, watching him fade away as Remus held Harry back, fighting against him and screaming. Harry suddenly hated Remus. All the anger Harry hid from himself that was directed towards the last Marauder, rushed through Harry, making itself known. Harry couldn't deny it anymore. He was angry at Remus for not letting him save Sirius, for leaving Harry at the Dursley's to deal with his grief on his own. For not letting Harry go after Severus, keeping him trapped here.

But before Harry could voice his anger, he suddenly couldn't breathe.

Harry slid down to the floor gasping for air.

"Harry!" And Remus was kneeling down in front of him, his hazel-green eyes searching Harry's face. "Harry, stay with me now."

Harry scooted back until he felt the solid door behind him. Trying to take in air, Harry avoided Remus' searching gaze. He couldn't stand being near Remus. He was just another adult Harry couldn't trust, an adult who didn't care enough to stick around for Harry. Remus was just like the Dursleys, they'd never cared for him, even when his life was in danger.

"Stay…away…" Harry gasped. He wanted Severus, only Severus could help him through this… And Harry needed space, but he couldn't speak. The door behind him prevented Harry from moving further back. He was trapped, making Harry panic even more.

"Harry, I need you to look at me. I'm here with you. You're safe, you're not alone," Remus said, placing a hand on his shoulder, causing Harry to flinch violently from the touch. Remus quickly pulled his hand back, as if he were struck. "I'm sorry, cub, look, I won't touch you anymore. Just focus on breathing, okay?"

Still gasping for air, Harry felt his face growing warm, and tears began to fall down his cheeks. He couldn't breathe. The pressure on his chest was overwhelming.

"You're having a panic attack, your mother used to get these all the time during final exams. She used to carry around a muggle inhaler," Remus said gently.

At the mention of Harry's mother, and the fact that she dealt with panic attacks as well, it brought Harry back to his senses.

Harry was angry with Remus for leaving, and for that, he couldn't trust him. Harry couldn't trust any adult. He was barely starting to trust Severus, and Severus had to work for it. But this was Remus… Harry couldn't just push away his parent's last remaining friend, when clearly Harry needed his help.

Harry held out his hand to Remus, trying to show him that Harry needed to feel Remus' beating heart. Just like how Severus would place his hand on his chest, so Harry could feel the steady beat of Severus' heart, guiding him to breathe.

Remus shot Harry a quizzical look, then grabbed Harry's hand, placing it over his heart. Somehow he knew what Harry was trying to do.

"Follow along with me, cub," Remus said gently. "Come on, let's count and take deep breaths together. I used to do this with Lily."

Harry closed his eyes, pretending it was Severus helping him through his panic attack, pretending the heartbeat Harry was feeling was his dad's. And when he opened his eyes, Severus would be there, kneeling in front of Harry, peering at him with his dark eyes, worried, but safe.

"One…inhale…two…exhale…three...inhale…four…exhale…" Remus counted gently.

Remus kept counting, only pausing a few times to praise Harry on how good he was doing. After they passed fifty, Harry finally took in air with ease, breathing in deeply then exhaling. The pressure on his lungs finally released.

Harry opened his eyes to see Remus kneeling down in front of him, his hazel eyes wide with worry and concern.

"Are you okay?" Remus asked.

Harry didn't respond, just quickly pulled his hand away from Remus, feeling his heart break at the fact that it wasn't Severus.

And avoiding Remus' gaze, Harry just focused on his breathing.

"Cub, why won't you look at me?" Remus asked softly.

Harry didn't answer. He just pulled his knees up to his chest, burying his face into his lap. Sighing in defeat that he wasn't going to get an answer, Remus moved to sit side by side with Harry against the portrait door.

They sat like that in silence for a long time. The only thing that could be heard was the ticking of the clock on the mantel and the cackling of the flames in the fireplace.

"Come on, Harry, Severus left you some dinner," Remus said gently, finally breaking the silence. "Let's get some food in you."

"I'm not hungry," Harry muttered, finally lifting up his head. He then stood up to take a seat on the sofa, drawing his knees up against his chest once more, his eyes drawn to the dancing orange flames in front of him. Remus followed Harry, taking a seat on the armchair. Perhaps he'd sensed that Harry needed space.

"Severus would want you to eat," Remus persisted.

"No, I can't eat knowing that he might be getting tortured by Voldemort right now," Harry choked out.

"Severus is extremely gifted in Dueling and Occlumency," Remus said. "He's going to come back for you."

"But Severus hates going, Remus!" Harry said, his eyes still avoiding Remus, still glued to the fireplace. "I saw it in his face, he was scared. Why does Dumbledore make him do this?"

"I don't know. I've always wondered how Severus got back into Dumbledore's good graces. They must've set up some sort of understanding."

"Dumbledore used to hate Severus?" Harry remembered all of the times Dumbledore told him how much he trusted Severus when Harry tried to say otherwise.

"Not hated… Just suspicious of him. Severus was always in league with Voldemort's followers, always playing around with the Dark Arts as a teenager. We've all mistrusted him. Dumbledore never paid much attention to Severus until after your parents died, then suddenly, Severus was on our side and teaching at Hogwarts. Most of the Order still don't trust Severus, they're all just trusting Dumbledore at this point," Remus said. "I don't want to give you a bad impression of your new father, Harry. That was his past, he grew up. I can tell Severus is not that kid anymore. He's changed into someone who's worthy enough to know Dumbledore's most inner knowledge of the war."

"What about you?" Harry asked. "Do you trust Severus?"

What made Severus become a spy and betray Voldemort? Was what Harry wanted to know. Then Harry remembered how Severus revealed the truth about him and Lily Potter, Harry's mother. Severus was best friends with her. Maybe Lily's death was the reason why he'd changed sides and joined the Order, why he'd became Dumbledore's spy to earn his place.

"I've never really liked Severus, especially during school. But those feelings never stopped me from trusting him. My trust for him was only due to the fact that Dumbledore puts a lot of fate in Severus, I've always figured there's a reason for that. Then he saved my life, countless times. And I saw how Severus was with you in the hospital wing… He loves you, Harry. He's changed even more from it. Now, I don't need Dumbledore's good word to trust Severus anymore. I just trust him, this time it's my own decision."

"I never understood why Dumbledore trusted Severus either, but after everything that happened this summer… I see why now… He's saved my life too, Remus."

Remus' hazel-green eyes were full of concern as he said, "From what Severus has told me, countless times."

Harry only nodded.

"I know I've apologized already, but I really am sorry I wasn't around to check on you at the Dursley's. I didn't know, Harry. Can we talk about the abuse?"

Harry shook his head.

"Remember what I've told you in the hospital wing? You know you can talk to me about anything, right? I'm here now, cub," Remus said unrelentingly.

"No, I can't," Harry said, feeling uncomfortable, his body becoming tense.

"Why not?"

Harry didn't say anything, wanting Remus to leave. He could feel himself hiding behind his wall, closing up.

Harry didn't want to tell Remus what happened at the Dursleys or of his bad habit of cutting up his arm to deal with his internal pain. He didn't want to tell Remus the depression he had fallen under or the horrifying moment when Harry was considering jumping off that waterfall, ready to end his own life. He didn't want to tell Remus, because he wasn't there. And Harry knew deep down inside that it wasn't Remus' fault...he was held captive by Greyback.

And even though it wasn't Remus' fault for being missing, and that he had apologized to Harry over and over for leaving him, it still didn't change the fact that Remus chose to go on that mission. Remus chose to leave, he didn't even stop to think about Harry. Remus didn't even stop by to check on him or to even say goodbye….

Severus was the only adult Harry felt comfortable talking to about all of that stuff. He was the one that was there when Remus wasn't. Severus earned the right to become Harry's dad, earned Harry trying to trust him. He was the only one who cared enough to stick around through all of Harry's mental breakdowns and panic attacks, to even attempt to break down Harry's brick wall. Severus even gave Harry an actual bedroom….

"Harry, say something," Remus said, snapping Harry out of his thoughts.

"I don't want to talk about it because I don't trust you!" Harry suddenly snapped, irritated that Remus won't drop the subject.

Remus' voice shook with hurt and shock. "Harry, you don't mean that. What about the other day when we were talking about Sirius?"

Harry only trusted Remus when it came to talking about Sirius. However, when it came to talking about what he'd went through at the Dursleys and everything that came along with it… Harry would have to show Remus that side of him, the side of him that's a freak who cuts himself. No… Harry couldn't trust Remus to understand, not like Severus.

"I don't mind talking about Sirius with you, but for other stuff…like about the Dursleys…I can't… You weren't there, Remus, you and Sirius promised you'll always be around… After Sirius died, you've never came to check on me. Not even once to just say goodbye before your mission, I would've been okay with that…but you didn't. You just disappeared. I appreciate you for apologizing, but it doesn't change the fact that I'm angry about it…."

Harry stopped talking. He was feeling guilty for saying those hurtful things, but he just couldn't help it. Harry had to protect himself from getting hurt from another adult that had once promised to be there for him if anything should happen, for instance, losing someone they both loved. Remus broke that promise, thus breaking Harry's trust. And Harry wasn't sure if he could risk giving Remus another chance, especially when Harry was already risking so much by letting Severus break down his mental wall.

Harry let go of his knees, using his left arm to nervously run his hand through his hair, feeling uncomfortable with Remus' eyes on him, studying him. Harry honestly didn't blame Remus for looking at him like that, like a mental nutcase. Remus had never seen Harry mentally shaken like this before, he was surely thinking Harry was a total freak.

Suddenly Remus leaned over and grabbed Harry's left arm, turning it over. Running his fingers through his messy hair, Harry hadn't noticed his sleeve riding up, revealing the old fading scars and the fresh pink ridges.

"Why?" Remus whispered. "Severus mentioned this...but I couldn't believe it until... Why, cub? Why would you do this to yourself?"

Furious, Harry tore his arm away from Remus. He could feel his emotions interfering with his magic, and could feel it cackling in the air. Remus looked around, obviously sensing what was happening. Gold flecks were showing in his eyes, the shadow of the wolf was prominent in Remus' face as he suddenly looked at Harry.

Harry stood up, glaring at Remus with anger and distrust. And under all of that anger and distrust, Harry knew Remus had only done it out of concern. But Harry couldn't see that just yet. He was too angry for being pushed like that. Harry's defenses were up, his wall strong and unbreakable, with no way for Remus to get into the other side, not like how it was for Severus, fragile, with all of its holes and fractures. No way was Remus ever going to be allowed in, just for him to hurt Harry by leaving again. Harry backed away, then ran straight to his room, slamming the door shut behind him.

"Harry!" Remus shouted, trying to open the door.

Somehow, Harry had locked it with his accidental magic. He slid down to the floor, leaning his back against the door, fighting the urge to not cut himself. Harry really tried, but he felt so angry, frustrated and guilty. More than anything, he wished Severus was here to help him. Harry wondered how Severus was doing right now. Was he hurt? Or was he already….

And before Harry knew it, he was scratching himself. Harry scratched himself hard, but this time, he couldn't break his skin due to the spell Severus had recasted so many times on him. Maybe this was a sign, telling Harry that he didn't really want to cut... Harry couldn't stop picturing the disappointed look on his dad's face if he should return and see the evidence. So Harry stopped trying, and buried his face into his knees, ignoring Remus' pleading calls on the other side of the door.

---

Getting home was hard for Severus, it was only because of the adrenaline racing through his blood that gave him strength to Apparate. As soon as he materialized, Severus tore off his Death Eater mask, then limped as fast as he could through the Hogwarts grounds towards the castle.

Severus could feel his blood drying on his leg. He could still feel his muscles and nerves shaking from the Cruciatus Curse. Severus could feel the severe strain of his magical core, he was lucky he had made it back without splinching himself.

The fear Severus felt at the idea of his son being in danger was the worst. He didn't know what to do, he had to talk to Albus. Severus finally made his way to the stairwell and up to the headmaster's office. And to his disappointment, the office was empty. Albus was off on another mission, right when Severus needed him the most!

"Fuck!" Severus shouted out in pain and frustration.

Harry was in danger, and the headmaster was off doing who knows what! What were these missions? And why were they so important? Severus left a note on the headmaster's desk, demanding to see him right away, hoping Albus would return soon.

Severus then slowly limped his way down to the dungeons, trying to calm himself down, trying to control the fear that he still felt. Severus was hoping to find Harry asleep once he made it back home. Severus didn't want his son to see him like this.

Harry saw my fear tonight, Severus thought, remembering the panic in Harry's voice as he'd called after him. It was so hard to ignore those cries as he'd kept walking, leaving Harry like that. Next time, Severus vowed to do better in hiding his fear when he got called. He couldn't let that happen again.

At last, Severus made it to his quarters. "Draught of Living Death," he muttered. The portrait door opened, and right away Severus limped towards Harry's room.

"I'll give you another chance to make up for your disloyalty. Next time I call you, bring me Potter." The Dark Lord's voice was suddenly ringing in Severus' ears. He stopped walking, suddenly feeling like he was going to pass out, his vision becoming cloudy with dark spots. Severus tried to push it away, tried to shake off the nausea. He had to see his son, he had to make sure Harry was safe and not in danger.

"Harry, is that you?" A voice called out from the direction of the kitchen.

Suddenly, Severus felt the contents of his stomach rise up. With his quick reflexes, Severus grabbed a nearby vase and threw up inside of it. Once Severus was done, his vision began to come back. He found himself standing in the pathway between the living room and Harry's bedroom door. Lupin was standing in the doorframe of the kitchen.

"Severus! You're back!"

As Lupin rushed towards him, Severus tried to speak, but his body started trembling hard. The wound on his leg was throbbing painfully. Severus suddenly began to feel dizzy, making the room spin, causing him to drop the sick-filled vase onto the floor. The sound of breaking pottery rang throughout the room. The adrenaline had finally gone away, allowing the trauma Severus had experienced tonight to finally catch up with him.

Just as Severus' knees gave out, Lupin grabbed onto Severus by his upper arm, placing his arm around Lupin's shoulders. Lupin then wrapped his own arm around Severus' waist, to keep him from falling, dragging him to the sofa and sitting him down.

"Just stay sitting, Severus. Are you okay? I'm going to bring you some tea and…"

"Where's Harry?" Severus asked, now that he was sitting the room stopped spinning.

"In his room," Lupin said. "He's locked me out."

Severus sighed. "I'll talk to him. That kid can really act like a brat sometimes." Severus' bad mood due to his pain and fear, and Albus' badly-timed disappearance was rapidly becoming worse at the news of Harry's misbehavior.

Lupin waved his wand, and a cup of water and a wet washcloth zoomed through the air from the kitchen. He handed them to Severus.

"Thanks…" Severus said, surprised at Lupin's thoughtfulness. Severus was sure he looked frightening, with blood running down his chin from his bit-up tongue. He cleaned himself up and drank the cool water, washing away the taste of blood and vomit from his mouth. The water brought life back into Severus.

"No, don't, Severus, it was my fault," Lupin said, once he was sure Severus wasn't going to pass out. "I'm afraid I've pushed Harry by trying to get him to talk to me about his relatives and his self-harm. He'd completely closed himself off, told me he didn't trust me. I saw the scars when his sleeve was up. Harry was so upset."

"And then he'd locked himself in his room?"

Lupin nodded, and Severus felt intense fear rise in his stomach once more.

"Harry locked himself in his room while being upset? And you've let him!" Severus snapped out in panic.

With the memory of the last time Harry had almost killed himself by cutting up his arm, pure adrenaline rushed back into Severus, keeping him from passing out as he pushed himself off the sofa to check on Harry. Going back towards Harry's door, Severus hoped he wouldn't find what he was dreading… A pool of blood, a pale hand, the shining gleam of a nail on the floor, covered in blood….

"He's alright, Severus!" Lupin said, following behind him. "I've casted a spell on his room to alert me if he's in pain. It hasn't gone off yet. He's fine. Please, you need to stay sitting, you're pale as death and covered in blood!"

Standing right in front of Harry's bedroom door, Severus turned his gaze onto Lupin. Those hazel-green eyes were somehow calming him down, and Severus refused to think why. "That was very clever of you, Lupin. You must teach me that spell. I'll sit back down, just let me check on him first."

Severus was afraid that the door would be locked, so he decided to just turn the doorknob to see if it opened. And to his surprise, it did.

"I've just checked it five minutes before you came in, it wouldn't open. Harry must've been waiting for you," Lupin said in a quiet voice as Severus opened the door slowly.

The lantern was on, giving the bedroom a soft and warm glow. Severus found Harry sitting at his desk with his head nestled down into his arms on the flat wooden surface, fast asleep. Severus knelt down in front of the sleeping teen and brushed his hair out of his face, then took off Harry's glasses. Noticing the worry and stress lines on Harry's face, Severus felt so guilty for leaving him. Harry must've been terrified. The annoyance Severus felt at Harry's misbehavior and disrespect towards Lupin, washed away.

Severus picked Harry up and laid him down on his bed, taking off his shoes, covering him with his burgundy comforter. Severus then gently picked up Harry's left arm, the one that bore all the old scars from his self-harm. Gently pulling up the sleeve, Severus checked for signs of cutting tonight. There were no fresh cuts. Severus carefully checked Harry's other arm, just in case, then finally let out a soft sigh of relief at the sight of Harry's unblemished skin.

Severus gently pulled Harry's sleeves back down, making sure to not wake the sleeping teen. That was the last thing Severus needed. For Harry to be awake, seeing how terrible Severus must look; according to Lupin, pale as death and covered in blood.

The whole time Severus was tucking Harry into his bed, he felt Lupin watching from the doorway. It made the hairs on the back of Severus' neck prickle as he turned off the lantern, then kissing Harry's messy black hair.

"I'm here, son," Severus whispered, praying to Merlin that Harry wouldn't have any nightmares tonight.

Severus then turned towards Lupin, this time avoiding the wolf's eyes as they silently left the room, closing the door softly behind them.

.

.

Back in the living room, Severus took off his outer robes, then sat back down on the sofa. Now that he saw with his own eyes that Harry was safely asleep in his bed, the adrenaline had faded away again. Now, Severus was feeling the intense pain in his leg once more and his body couldn't stop shaking. He closed his eyes, ready to just fall asleep.

Just as Severus felt himself drifting off, Lupin's voice snapped him awake.

"Don't fall asleep yet. You'll bleed to death."

Lupin had cleaned up the mess of the broken vase and vomit with a quick Scouring Charm, then disappeared to the kitchen while Severus was resting on the sofa. Severus opened his eyes to see the wolf finally coming back out with a large steaming mug of tea, and a small wooden crate tucked underneath his arm.

"Here, drink this, Severus. It'll help you," Lupin said, sitting down next to Severus on the sofa, offering him the mug.

Severus took the tea, inhaling the scent of the steaming brew. The smell of the tea was a bit off. Severus figured it out quickly, whipping his head towards Lupin, feeling a bit touched. "You've put a Calming Draught in it."

Lupin nodded as he also handed Severus the small crate. "A Severus Snape care package, courtesy of Madam Pomfrey," Lupin said.

"Lupin…" Severus said in exasperation as he looked inside of the crate. "If you think this is going to get yourself in my good graces…"

Inside was a half empty vial of the Calming Draught, and full vials of Pain Potion, a Blood-Replenishing Potion, a potion to recover the strain on Severus' magical core, a jar of Murtlap Essence and a Wound-Cleaning Potion, along with some bandages and things to clean up Severus' leg.

"This doesn't make us friends!" Severus snapped, hiding the fact that he was feeling quite touched. "Why did you do this?"

"I knew you were going to come back hurt and I wanted to be prepared, so I went to Madam Pomfrey and she gave me this. She had wanted to come here and wait for your return, but I've told her you wouldn't want that. She does want you in her office first thing tomorrow morning. I'm not expecting anything in return for this, Severus. I assure you, this was only out of kindness."

"Oh…" Severus cleared his throat, not really sure what to say to that. "Thanks, Lupin, for doing this… And for being here with Harry tonight," Severus said softly. "It must've been really hard to hold him back as I left."

Severus had another dream of Lupin last night. They were sitting together on that hill in the meadow. The one Severus had seen in Lupin' memories. They were surrounded by the tall grass, admiring the view of the Hogwarts castle outlined in the distance, under the light of the full-moon. And Lupin's hand was holding onto Severus' own.

"Severus," Dream Lupin had said softly, his eyes completely golden.

The dream was very vague and quick, flashing through Severus just as he'd woken that very morning that seemed like ages ago now. And all morning as Severus sat with Harry at the breakfast table, trying to focus on his morning paper, those golden eyes and that soft voice wouldn't get out of his head.

And due to the memory of his dream, Severus was too shy to meet Lupin's eyes. So he busied himself by taking a shot of the Pain Potion, then drank some of the potion to recover his magical core. Severus sighed in relief as the Pain Potion began to numb the pain from his wound and his aching muscles from the Cruciatus Curse.

"There's no need to thank me," Lupin replied. "You've risked your life for me several times, taken Harry in when it should've been my job. I'm only returning the favor. I really didn't deserve any of the kindness you've given me."

As he spoke, Lupin slid off the sofa and onto the floor, then lifted Severus' injured leg onto the coffee table.

"Lupin, I'll take care of that myself," Severus said in annoyance.

"Don't be silly, Severus, you can barely keep your eyes open. Have you ever let anyone take care of you before?" Lupin asked as he ripped open the bloodstained and ripped fabric around the wound of Severus' trousers.

"I've let Madam Pomfrey patch me up every now and then."

"That doesn't count," Lupin chuckled.

The gash on Severus' leg was long and deep, with blood slowly seeping through. Watching Lupin, Severus handed him the crate.

"Ah, thank you, Severus," Lupin said, taking the crate. His hazel-green eyes briefly connected to Severus' own before falling back onto the injury.

And Severus was glad that Lupin was so focused on pressing gauze against the wound, stopping the bleeding, then putting a few drops of the Wound-Cleaning Potion... Severus could feel the warmth of his cheeks from that quick glance. Trying to get a hold of himself, and not understanding why he was blushing, Severus took a sip of Lupin's tea, instantly loving the warm and calming effect it brought to him.

"I think this tea just made us even for me saving your hide more than once. So no more thanking me or talk of returning the favor," Severus said, then held up the mug. "You must tell me your secret for this, wolf."

With another quick glance that made Severus' heart strangely beat faster, Lupin only smiled softly in return.

Sighing in relief the Essence of Murtlap brought to him, Severus watched as Lupin finished cleaning up his wound and the blood on his clothes. Then suddenly, Lupin pointed his wand to the gash and it began to heal completely, leaving a scar in its place.

"How did you know to perform that healing spell?" Severus asked in surprise.

"I've learned it from Madam Pomfrey. A side effect of being cooped up in the hospital wing every month when we were at school. Also, it was very effective over the years during the full-moons when I would wake up in the middle of nowhere. It's not perfect though, I leave scars."

"That spell is very hard to do, and you did it non-verbal? The most I can do is small cuts, and sometimes they would leave scars as well, but to perform it on a gash like that? Lupin, that's astonishing."

Lupin only shrugged. "I never thought I'd hear Severus Snape praising me. Here, drink some of this. It's clear you've lost a lot of blood."

Carefully trying to not accidentally graze Lupin's fingers as Severus took the small vial of Blood Replenishing Potion from him, Severus did as he was told. He then washed it down with the rest of his cooling tea. It took away the lingering effects from the torturous night, causing his body to finally stop trembling. Now that the pain from Severus' wound was gone, and the Calming Draught mixed tea was working its magic, the looming danger and the fear seemed very far away now.

Lupin sat back down on the sofa, with just enough space between them as Severus placed the empty mug on the coffee table. Then Severus leaned back and closed his eyes, taking a deep breath, focusing on closing his mind, trying to block the memory of his dream out. What was it with this wolf all of a sudden? Why couldn't Severus just feel his usual hatred and annoyance towards Lupin in peace, without these dreams confusing him.

"So what happened?" Lupin asked. "Why was Voldemort so angry tonight? If you don't mind me asking, that is?"

Severus was taken aback by the sudden question, but didn't show it to Lupin. He kept his emotions in check behind his mask. There was no chance Severus was going to share what happened tonight.

"Just the usual Death Eater punishments," Severus muttered. "Nothing for you to worry about."

Severus kept his eyes closed, still trying to close his mind off from the memory of his dream, but Severus was failing miserably with the subject of his dream sitting so close and speaking to him.

"Severus, Harry was really afraid for you tonight. He said he saw the fear in your face, that it wasn't a usual call."

Severus sighed in frustration, realizing he wasn't going to shake off Lupin's questions that easily. Giving up on trying to block out his dream, Severus opened his eyes and turned towards the unrelenting werewolf.

Severus wasn't prepared to find Lupin watching him, waiting for an answer, causing Severus to feel as if winged creatures were fluttering around in his stomach. What were these feelings suddenly blooming inside of Severus? Why was he constantly dreaming about this man he was supposed to hate? Has been hated for over a decade… Why did those hazel-green eyes that sometimes shown golden suddenly entice Severus when they should be feared?

Severus was supposed to be annoyed at Lupin for being here, but he wasn't. And why was that? When did Severus' feelings towards Lupin change? When did the coldness, the anger and his decade old grudge, suddenly all melt away?

Severus reminded himself that this was Remus Lupin, who was once part of the Marauders that made Severus' life a living hell. Remus Lupin who once had a secret that Severus was once so desperate to figure out. The teacher's pet who could do no wrong, the one who'd let Severus be bullied while he had hid behind his books. And now they were sitting here, next to each other, in Severus' home, as if everything was okay between them. As if their past no longer mattered… And did it still matter? Was this Severus' subconscious telling him it was time to let go of the past and give Lupin another chance?

The grudges, the anger, the coldness and hatred… Was Severus willing to let it all go?

"And whatever happened tonight, has you thoroughly spooked. The way you've came in here tonight looking for Harry, it's making me wonder if he's in danger from Voldemort," Lupin continued, unaware of the mental battle going on inside Severus' head.

"You're the only one apart from Harry and Albus who isn't afraid to say his name," Severus said, half in wonder and half hoping to throw Lupin off the subject, but it didn't work.

Lupin shrugged. "Why would I be afraid of him? He's already taken most of my family away from me. Harry's the only one I have left, so if there is something I should know, regarding Harry, I advise you tell me right now."

"Is that a threat, wolf?" Severus asked.

"It depends on how you receive it."

Severus didn't say anything in response to Lupin's answer.

Are we flirting? Severus thought. What is happening here?

Their eyes suddenly made eye contact once more, and Severus couldn't help but admire the golden flecks that were now in Lupin's hazel-green eyes. A prominent feature of Lupin that gave away his secret of the wolf inside him.

Severus always feared those golden eyes, had nightmares for weeks after the night the Marauders almost killed him with a werewolf. Severus remembered his fear and anger that night as he'd ran for his life… And getting lost into those golden-flecked eyes, strangely, those terrifying emotions were pushed away by memories of Severus' dream. Of Lupin in the tall grass sitting beside him, softly saying his name, looking at Severus with those intense golden eyes that were no longer monstrous to Severus, but enchanting.…

Severus realized in awe, that somehow he was no longer afraid of the wolf. It was just a part of Remus Lupin that made him who he was.

And then catching himself staring at the man Severus used to hate for years, Severus pulled his gaze away, staring straight into the flames cackling in the fireplace. Hoping his face wasn't blushing... Severus suddenly felt very warm.

The last time Severus was caught staring at Lupin was during the last Order meeting. Lupin had made eye contact with Severus who'd been staring at him from across the room as Lupin gave his input to Mad-Eye Moody. The answer Lupin had given, impressed Severus that day. It was the only one that'd made sense. Lupin was also the only one who hadn't argued to get his voice heard that day. Severus never realized how shy Lupin was… Always quiet, observing the room he was in, yet always had a well-thought out piece of advice to offer.

That day, Severus saw a side of Lupin he had never seen before, shy, intuitive and wise. He saw those qualities again tonight as Lupin handled Harry, distracting him so Severus could leave. Severus heard the panic in Harry's voice as he'd left through the portrait door. It broke his heart, because he knew his son must've had a panic attack, and Lupin surely handled it well. Severus knew that without being told, only because Harry was safely asleep with no new cuts on his arms. And that spell Lupin casted, to alert him if Harry was in pain, was indeed very clever.

Who would've thought Severus would ever describe Remus Lupin as shy, intuitive, wise, patient, clever and brave. Talented with advanced healing spells, very thoughtful, and could make a good tea to calm the nerves… And to top it all off, enchanting golden eyes… What other qualities was this man, sitting besides Severus, hiding?

And Severus was doing it again, getting lost in dangerous thoughts of Remus Lupin.

What the fuck is wrong with me? I hate this man! Severus inwardly snapped to himself.

Realizing he kept Lupin waiting long enough for an answer, Severus closed his mind off from the intrusive and confusing thoughts. Then sighing deeply, he began to talk about the events of his terrifying night.

"The Dark Lord's found out about Harry staying here," Severus said, hearing Lupin's small intake of breath at the terrible news, but he didn't say anything, letting Severus continue.

"The Dark Lord found out and he's punished me severely as you can see. I made up some bullshit story about me not being allowed to tell him because I'll lose Albus' trust. And how apparently I'm giving Harry a hard time, since we hate each other."

"Did Voldemort buy it?" Lupin asked.

"Yes, he bought it… But that's not the worst of it. The next time the Dark Lord calls me, he wants me to bring Harry." Severus forced the words out, making sure his emotionless mask was secured, hiding the icy fear deep inside him.

"I know you're not taking him with you," Lupin said. "I trust in you and Albus to not give in so easily. We'll figure something out. Have you told Albus about all this?"

"I'd rather lose my position in the war or even die than give up so easily. No way am I handing Harry over to the Dark Lord," Severus said. "His plan's not to kill Harry, but to turn him against our side. And I went to Albus' office before coming here, he wasn't there."

"He's not here?" Lupin asked, taken aback by the news.

Severus shook his head.

Lupin snorted in disgust. "Like Harry would even let himself turn evil. Voldemort underestimates him too much." Lupin was not fooled by the mask Severus had on, for he then said, "Don't worry, Severus, we won't let Harry get hurt. We'll fight Voldemort with all we got to keep him safe."

"We fight to save Harry, but what if it isn't enough? What if we're all killed off, leaving Harry alone?" Severus said darkly, wondering how Lupin knew what he was thinking. Severus was a master Occlumens who could fool the darkest wizard of the age, but yet, he couldn't hide his emotions from this annoying werewolf, who was too intuitive for Severus' liking.

"No, that won't happen," Lupin said. "Not with Albus Dumbledore on our side."

"I hope you're right," was all Severus could manage to say.

"Was that all? Was there anything else?" Lupin asked.

"There's one other thing, it's about Narcissa," Severus said. "She has betrayed the Dark Lord. He was angry at her betrayal, so if she's the one after Harry, it has to be of her own vendetta."

"Well, that also makes it more likely it could be someone else. It looks like we're back to square one now," Lupin said.

Severus nodded, and a heavy silence fell over them. He then noticed the miserable look on Lupin' face.

"What is it?" Severus asked.

"I shouldn't have pushed Harry tonight into talking, and now he hates me," Lupin said. "How do I talk to him? Harry told me he was angry at me, that he doesn't trust me. I guess that explains him flinching every time I touch him, and refusing to look at me."

Severus frowned. "Harry wants to trust you, believe me, he does, but he cannot. It's a side effect from the abuse Harry suffered from those muggles."

"I have to get him to trust me again. I'm not going to let Harry push me away. Was this what you'd dealt with when you first brought him here?" Lupin asked. "What did you do?"

"It took time, Lupin. A lot of time, a lot of patience, and we did a fuck-ton of arguing. And I'd just talked to Harry. I've told him about my own past, and I didn't push him."

"I've really messed up tonight. Harry freaked out when I saw his scars," Lupin said glumly.

"Don't be too hard on yourself. I've made my share of mistakes as well. Just take your time with Harry. Talk to him, let him get to know you a bit more, and he'll open up eventually."

Severus hoped his advice would work for Lupin, if not, he had nothing else to give him. At the beginning, Severus didn't know what he was doing half the time either.

"My past isn't something I should tell him. Especially this summer. I don't want him to know what happened. It's too…" Lupin stopped talking, unable to go on anymore.

"Why not, Lupin?" Severus asked softly.

"Because he'll see that I'm…"

Severus frowned as he watched Lupin struggle to answer, waiting for him to continue. He noticed for the first time that night how sad and tired Lupin looked, causing Severus to wonder how he'd been handling his trauma from being held captive and tortured by Greyback. From the memories Severus had seen in Lupin's head, Lupin was lucky to still be alive. Madam Pomfrey had finally released Lupin from the hospital wing, as long as he returned twice a day to take his regime of potions until further notice.

Quietly observing Lupin, Severus noticed the dark circles under Lupin's eyes, signs of no sleep. Severus was also aware of how thin Lupin had grown, the old robes on him hanging on his small frame. A sign he wasn't eating… Could these be early signs of P.T.S.D or depression? Maybe, both? At least most of Lupin's injuries were healed, he was walking better now. His voice was no longer hoarse. Then Severus remembered one other injury Lupin had… And Severus suddenly knew what Lupin meant, what he couldn't bring himself to say out loud.

Thinking of that memory Severus had seen of Lupin being branded with the silver rod, permanently naming him a dark creature. Severus suddenly remembered the emotions linked to that memory….

Fear of the promised torture… Bravery to not betray the Order of the Phoenix… Pride to not look weak against the enemies… A fighting spirit, never backing down against them… And the self-doubt that Lupin fought against himself with...of him being human, not a monster… And Lupin's hatred for Greyback… And to always be in control…don't let the monster show….

That brand named Lupin a monster, something he's been fighting his whole life to hide, to control, to prove he was human. Now the label was burned into his skin where everyone could see… It took away Lupin's sense of humanity… That was why Lupin was afraid to tell Harry about his past, because of the chance of Harry seeing him as monstrous, not a human...

That was what Lupin was afraid to admit to Severus, but Lupin didn't have to say anything. Severus already felt all those emotions, he saw it all in Lupin's head, which Lupin had no memory of.

And remembering Lupin's terrified screams in that memory, before Severus could stop himself, he placed his hand on Lupin's chest. The very spot right over his heart, where that burn was placed. The hideous scar that labeled Lupin as a….

"You're not a dark creature," Severus said gently, his eyes shyly meeting Lupin's.

Severus knew his face was probably very red with embarrassment and nerves... He could feel the heat radiating off from himself. Severus had no idea why he was suddenly ignoring his voice of reason in his mind, the one cursing at him to stop, to tear his hand away. Severus' heart was beating fast, his stomach nervously churning, threatening to spew out whatever was left inside it.

This is Remus Lupin… I'm supposed to hate him… But I don't…not anymore….

And that thought terrified Severus, it suddenly tossed him into uncharted territory, to a possibility where they could perhaps be friends… Did Severus want that?

Wondering about that question, Severus realized he was lost in Lupin's eyes, and they were enchanting swirls of hazel-green, flecked with gold. Not at all monstrous, but full of emotions…deep sadness and pain… The ghosts of Lupin's trauma were visible to Severus. And Severus realized Lupin was just like him, outcasted, whose past caused him terrible pain, a past that made people see him differently, despite him trying to be a better person to make up for a dark past he couldn't control, someone who's lost so much.

Lupin's heart was beating fast under Severus' hand, just like his own. And Severus realized he did want to be friends with this man, who was sitting so close to him all of a sudden, who Severus somehow and unexplainably no longer hated. Severus was willing to let everything go, the hatred, the coldness, the old grudges, everything….

Feeling dazed with these thoughts that Severus could no longer push away or deny, he kept his hand on Lupin's chest. The air between them grew tense as they kept their eye contact.

"Severus…" Lupin whispered.

His whispered name caused Severus' eyes to travel from Lupin's eyes down to his lips. Remembering the way Lupin whispered Severus' name in his dream, and the way it felt to hold Lupin's hand, and those enchanting golden eyes. Maybe there was more to that dream… Unexpectedly, Severus wondered how it would feel to kiss those suddenly soft-looking lips. Would Lupin want to kiss him? Severus felt himself leaning in. Lupin was suddenly closer to him, his heart still beating fast underneath Severus' hand.

"Severus?" A sleepy voice called out.

And just like that, the unexpected voice brought Severus back down to reality. The daze he was under faded away as Severus suddenly heard footsteps coming from Harry's bedroom. Severus moved his hand off Lupin's chest so quickly, as if it burned him to touch the werewolf.

What am I doing? Severus asked himself in shock. He stood up just as Harry appeared in the living room.

"Harry, what are you doing up?" Severus asked, making his way to the sleepy teen, not daring to look at Lupin.

"I had a dream… I tried to stay awake to wait for you but…" Harry suddenly glanced at Lupin who was still sitting on the sofa and blushed.

Harry's probably realizing how wrong he was for disrespecting Lupin, Severus thought.

Severus was going to have some words with Harry later about his rude behavior towards Lupin. Just because he was angry at Lupin, doesn't mean he has to be disrespectful.

"Come on, kid," Severus said gently, leading Harry back to his room, closing the door shut behind them.

.

.

Harry climbed into bed. "Can you stay here until I fall asleep?" Harry asked, as he pulled his comforter over himself.

Severus pulled out the desk chair, about to place it by Harry's bedside, when Harry spoke again.

"No, can you lay down with me?" Harry shyly said in a quiet voice.

Severus frowned, completely thrown off by Harry's request.

Yes, they were in a better place than they were at the beginning of the summer, but Harry still had trouble showing affection and physical contact. He still flinched sometimes when Severus or other people touched him. It was something that Harry would just have to bear until he got used to the idea of people actually caring for him. Harry hadn't even called Severus dad again, only once when Severus had woken up from the hospital wing. Severus had decided to not push the boy, to be patient, and just let Harry know that he was loved until he was ready.

So pulling off his shoes, Severus just went along with Harry's request.

"I was afraid for you," Harry muttered softly, lying on his side facing Severus, wrapped in his blanket like a cocoon. "I was afraid you weren't coming back."

"Of course I was coming back, Harry. I've promised, didn't I?"

Facing Harry, Severus laid on his side as well with his arm tucked underneath his head on the pillow.

"Yes, but you looked scared before you left. You never know if you're actually going to come back or not, do you?"

"I won't let myself get killed. I'm too careful and clever to let that happen."

"But no one can fool Voldemort."

"I don't mean to sound vain, but I've been outsmarting the Dark Lord ever since he'd risen again during your fourth year. I can outwit him, Harry. He's powerful, yes, but I have the brains and the cunning to survive the Dark Lord's presence."

Harry didn't say anything in return.

"You'd said you were afraid to fall asleep," Severus asked. "Did you have a nightmare?"

"It was the same one. It was Voldemort and Bellatrix talking about someone they want dead," Harry answered.

That vision was no doubt about Draco's task, but Severus couldn't share that.

This time Harry didn't flinch from his touch as Severus reached over and pulled Harry close to him, so that Harry was pressed up against Severus' chest, hearing Severus' heartbeat.

"Don't dwell on those visions, Harry. I know they frighten you. Remember that Dumbledore knows about them, thanks to you. You've done all you can, just leave it to us now to take care of the rest. Remember what I've told you? We just have to trust Dumbledore. Go back to sleep. I'm no longer in any danger, I'm right here."

"Thanks, da…Sev," Harry mumbled, slowly falling asleep again.

Severus heard the slip before Harry had caught himself just in time. Severus pretended he didn't hear it. When Harry called him dad, he wanted the teen to mean it, and to not be ashamed, embarrassed or afraid.

"Goodnight, son," Severus said, holding Harry as he fell asleep.

As Severus held his sleeping son, he heard the words of the Dark Lord again… In his slithery voice….

I'll give you another chance to make up for your disloyalty. Next time I call you, bring me Potter."

Severus buried his face in his son's hair trying to forget the events of the night, vowing to himself that he would protect Harry to his very last breath. The Dark Lord was not to harm a hair on this boy's head as long as Severus was alive, was his last thought before falling into an uneasy but needed sleep.

.

.

And before he knew it, it was morning, and Severus was waking up with a back ache and a crick in his neck. He had fallen asleep, he hadn't meant to. Severus gently got out of bed without disturbing Harry, making sure the blanket was covering him before quietly leaving the room.

Not to Severus' surprise, the wolf was gone. He was glad Lupin left, because then he didn't have to talk about what would've happened if Harry hadn't woken up. Severus honestly had no idea what came over him.

Severus went to the kitchen and made himself a cup of coffee, trying not to think about how nice another tea with the Calming Draught Lupin had prepared for him sounded.

The morning early rays were seeping in through the enchanted windows of his quarters as Severus drank his coffee. It just didn't make sense. Why did he all of sudden want to kiss Lupin? Severus thought in disgust. It was Lupin for Merlin's sake! And plus Severus never thought he would be into men, or maybe he was just into Lupin?

The only person Severus had ever loved was Lily. He'd never spent any time dating when he was younger. Girls hadn't exactly lined up to date him while he was in school, unlike Black and Potter. Not dating... Severus realized regretfully, hadn't allowed himself to figure out what he liked. He'd never much thought about his sexual orientation at all, assuming he was always just in to girls. Maybe, some small part of Severus was always curious about men and just didn't know it... Maybe, Severus had to find the right person to open up that part of him...

Does this mean Lupin's the right person for me? Severus wondered.

No... No, Severus was just tired last night, and in pain, and Lupin was there, and it all meant nothing.

Review Responses!

Sakraprace: Yes, I love Severus and Remus but they have a lot to work out first haha. And yeah I was so sad to write that scene where Draco had to go…=(.. and thanks! I studied really hard!=D thanks for reviewing!

PotterGirl19: I will! Thanks for the encouragement and the review! =)