Already Home

by Chase'sGirl19

Harry takes the death of his Godfather very hard to the point where Petunia has no choice but to contact Dumbledore for help. Dumbledore sends Snape to check on Harry and finds that the boy is not only depressed but suicidal and abused. Meanwhile Remus Lupin goes missing from his mission for the Order. SeverusXRemus and HarryXGinny shippings Mentions of cutting, suicide, and abuse

26. Chapter 26 Return What is Mine

Chapter Twenty-Six – Return What Is Mine

Disclaimer: I don't own Hey Jude by The Beatles.

"Sev, what happened?" Harry shouted, tearing his arm away from the professor.

They had just Apparated in front of the Hogwarts gates. Severus was suddenly in a terrible mood and Harry wanted to know why. He hated the way Severus had snapped at him when they were at Grimmauld Place.

"Why are you mad?"

Severus shook his head. "It's nothing…" he only muttered.

But it wasn't nothing… Harry could see the anger smoldering in his dad's black eyes.

"Come on, let's get inside!" Severus snapped.

Severus wrenched open the gates and continued walking at a very fast pace towards the castle. Harry almost had to jog to keep up.

What happened between Remus and Severus to rattle him like this? Harry had never seen his dad upset like this before. He'd seen Severus angry, and Harry has been on the other end of that anger countless times. But this version of anger was different, it was mixed with other emotions. Was it frustration? Humiliation? What happened up there? Was it something Remus said to Severus? Was something going on between them? That last question popped into his mind because it just reminded Harry of the way Ron would frazzel Hermione at times. Harry had been dealing with their never-ending fights for so long, he knew something more was going on between his friends.

"This isn't nothing," Harry said, just barely managing to keep up the fast-pace. "You look really bothered, and you're walking really fast. Did Remus say something to you?"

Severus scowled at Remus' name and began walking faster. And that alone just confirmed Harry's thoughts. Something was going on between them, something happened in that room… And Harry wondered if he liked the idea of Severus and Remus together.

Suddenly, Harry realized he was falling behind. He couldn't keep up with Severus' angry pace any longer.

"Severus!" Harry snapped. He stopped on the path, refusing to walk anymore until Severus stopped acting so mental. "Just fucking tell me what happened!"

Severus whirled around, advancing towards Harry. "Watch your tone with me, Potter!"

Harry glared back at him, standing his ground. "No! You're upset, and you're taking it out on me! You're acting bloody insane! Can't you just stop and tell me what's going on?"

"Listen, Potter! I'm the adult! You're the child!" And Harry stepped back as Severus continued to shout, "That's no way to speak to me! How many times do I have to remind you to show some respect!"

Instantly regretting what he'd said, Harry couldn't help but keep his eyes on Severus' balled up fists, just in case Harry needed to be ready to duck. Why did he have to instigate a fight between them? Suddenly, Aunt Petunia's voice was in his head, telling Harry how he always caused trouble with Uncle Vernon. Always instigating the beatings… And Harry knew deep down that Aunt Petunia was wrong. He knew Severus would never resort to hurting him like Uncle Vernon used to, but it was hard to remember that when Harry was under the scrutiny of those angry black eyes.

And maybe it was Harry stepping back or perhaps Severus saw where Harry's eyes landed. Whatever it was, it caused Severus' anger to suddenly die out.

"Merlin…ugh…fuck! Kid, look, I'm sorry!" Severus stepped towards Harry who stiffened, not really sure if he was out of danger yet. For a moment there, Harry really thought Severus was going to hit him.

"Harry," Severus said, his voice apologetic and cautious. "I'm not going to hit you."

And Harry realized his body was shaking.

Severus stepped closer and knelt down, wrapping his hands around Harry's upper arms. Harry flinched violently, but Severus kept his hold on him.

"Harry, can you look at me please," Severus asked.

Harry shook his head, trying to pull himself together. He knew Severus wasn't going to hurt him. He knew Severus wasn't Uncle Vernon. But Harry was still triggered, and he hated it. This was so embarrassing….

"Harry, I'm so sorry. I didn't mean to scare you," Severus said, trying to meet Harry's gaze.

"Just tell me why you're mad," Harry pleaded, forcing himself to make eye-contact, fighting with himself to not hide behind his wall. "Was it something Remus said to you? Was it something I did? I'm sorry for being disrespectful."

"I'm not mad at you, okay," Severus said, his voice full of guilt and his grip on Harry tightening briefly. "It has nothing to do with you."

"Well, it feels like it. You're taking it out on me."

"I apologize, I didn't mean to do that."

"Then what happened?"

Severus only shook his head.

"You always make me tell you what I'm feeling, and yet, you hardly tell me what you're feeling."

"You're too stubborn for your own good, do you know that?" Severus took a deep breath, then he let go of Harry's arms and stood back up. "Forgive me, kid, I cannot tell you."

Harry sighed in defeat.

"Can I make this up to you? It's nice out here today. How about we go down to the Quidditch pitch and you can fly your broom. You haven't been out in a while."

"Bloody hell, yes!" Harry shouted in excitement, chasing away some of his triggered emotions. "Accio, Firebolt!"

"Language," Severus reminded him.

"Sorry!" Harry shouted as he caught his zooming Firebolt in his hand.

.

.

Once they were at the Quidditch pitch, Severus stopped at the broom shed and grabbed one of the old school brooms.

"You're going to fly with me?" Harry grinned.

"I need to blow off some steam," Severus only muttered as he took off his outer robes and hung them up in the shed. He then threw a leg over his broom and lifted up off the ground without another word.

Harry zoomed around the entire field, feeling the wind blowing against his face and ruffling through his hair. He passed by Severus in a blur several times until he began to feel slightly dizzy. Harry didn't mind it, because he finally felt the rest of his anxiety and fear wash away, along with his negative thoughts of Aunt Petunia accusing him of instigating the punishments. Flying brought Harry's senses back, making him feel light and free. And Harry definitely knew Severus would never hurt him like how Uncle Vernon used to.

With that last thought in mind, Harry spotted Severus down below him, and directed his broom towards him. He zoomed down fast, pulling up just in time before hitting the ground, showing off his perfect Wronski Feint. Harry ignored Severus' warning shouts as he did several elaborate loops around his dad, just to annoy him.

At Severus' dangerous warning look, Harry only laughed as he hovered beside him, breathless and sweating from the summer heat. "Sorry, Sev, I had to get a Wronski Feint in before you forbade them."

"You're such a show-off!" Severus scowled. "And you're right, no more Wonski Feints! I swear one day you're going to go splat into the ground!"

"It's Wronski Feint. And I can't help it, it's in my blood," Harry laughed again. "Do you want to do a couple of laps together around the field?"

Severus leaned forward, his broom gaining a bit of speed. Harry raced beside him.

"You're pretty decent on a broom," Harry complimented.

"I am, but I choose to spend my time with other things than flying around showing off and putting my life in danger. How did you even learn how to do that stupid trick?"

"Quidditch Through the Ages, and you mean like this?" Harry did a small loop around Severus.

"Merlin! Stop that!" Severus exclaimed. "You're going to give me a heart attack! If you fall off your broom, you're grounded!"

"Well, what if I just went splat? That's not falling, is it?" Harry teased, aiming his broom down as if he were planning on performing another Wronski Feint.

Severus shot him with one of his famous glares.

"Okay, okay…" Harry laughed. "I was only joking!"

They flew side by side together. Harry kept shooting worried glances at Severus. Like Harry, he seemed to have calmed down with the help of being up in the air.

"You don't have to be concerned for me, kid, I'm okay. It was just something Lupin said to me," Severus said quietly.

"You don't have to tell me what you've argued about, Sev, just please don't be mad at him forever. It's always so weird between you guys. If it comes to the point of you and Remus not being able to be around each other, I don't want to have to end up choosing between the two of you. Especially when it's possible I might end up choosing you. I can't hurt Remus like that."

"You would choose me?" Severus asked, sounding thoroughly touched.

"Yeah, you're my..."

Harry stopped. He'd almost called Severus dad out loud. He had only done it twice. The first time was when Severus was in the hospital wing, and Harry was afraid he had almost lost him. The second time was when Severus was summoned by Voldemort, and Remus was holding Harry back, but Harry didn't think Severus had heard him.

Harry only shrugged. Even though he wanted to, Harry was too shy to finish his sentence, to verbally call Severus his dad.

Yet, Severus seemed to know what Harry was feeling. He simply just nudged Harry softly and smiled. "I bet you can't beat me across the field," Severus said, suddenly taking off to the opposite goal post.

"Hey, I wasn't ready!" Harry shouted as he leaned forward flat on his broom, gaining a spurt of speed to catch up to his dad.

---

"I think it's time for lunch," Severus said as he flew back down to the ground, both of them were feeling hot and tired from the blinding sun that was now high in the sky.

Severus had to admit, flying with Harry calmed him down a lot. Yet, Severus couldn't help but remember the song Lupin sang and the way his voice seemed to have some sort of magnetic force to Severus, causing him to lean towards him until Lupin pressed his lips against Severus' own.

Lupin kissed me! Why the fuck did Lupin kiss me, only to reject me for Sirius Black! Bloody werewolf!

The anger Severus felt towards Lupin's rejection came rushing back, but this time Severus was ready for it. He squashed it down, refusing to let it show. Severus couldn't understand what had happened. He was always careful with his emotions, careful with what he allowed to be seen and what had to be hidden. Only with Harry and recently with Lupin, Severus had begun to show the true version of himself. Yet somehow, the argument he had with Lupin caused Severus to lose complete control of his mask, and he took his anger out on Harry. Like Severus always knew, he was his father at his worst, always letting his anger get the best of him, and he hated it. And Severus was angry at himself for allowing that to happen. The fear in that boy's eyes burned in his mind.

Severus then scowled in annoyance when he'd realized that he had to finish his simmering batch of Wolfsbane Potion, since the full-moon was approaching in one week's time.

As soon as they'd reached their quarters, Severus began to take out some stuff for sandwiches while Harry disappeared into his room, saying something about taking a shower.

As Severus prepared lunch, he tried not to let his thoughts travel to Lupin again, but as always he failed. He couldn't help but think how that kiss felt. Severus felt sparks…he'd felt something... It was that thing between them… Surely, Lupin felt it as well? Even if he was still hung up over Black.

Recalling how Lupin had placed his hand on the back of Severus' neck, the memory gave him goosebumps. It made Severus' stomach queasy at the thought of Lupin touching him like that. Of Lupin being so close to him, singing that song, then pressing his lips against Severus' own.

Then Severus had a horrifying thought that made his face heat up with embarrassment.

Was Lupin into it just as I was? Or was he pushing me away the whole time? Did I make myself look like a fool?

Those questions drove Severus crazy. He had to know, but he was too embarrassed to go to Lupin and ask. Anger, humiliation and frustration filled Severus up inside, taking over the infatuation he'd once felt towards the wolf. If Lupin wanted to be hung up on his dead ex-boyfriend, then so be it! Severus wasn't going to stand around and wait for him to be ready, if that was what Lupin wanted. Severus had better things to do than wait for that hopeless wolf!

With that last thought in mind, Severus placed the two plates filled with ham sandwiches on the table, just as Harry walked in with fresh clothes and his wet messy hair sticking up all over the place.

"I hope you're hungry." Severus pushed a plate towards Harry.

"Thanks, Sev, yeah I'm starving."

"Of course, you didn't eat breakfast."

Severus couldn't really eat. The emotions of embarrassment, anger, and the longing to talk to Lupin, were all mixed in one giant ball in his stomach.

"I'm going to be in my lab finishing up the Wolfsbane Potion, the full-moon's next week. Meanwhile, I want you to go to Lupin and practice dueling if he isn't busy."

"Do you think he's returned from Grimmauld Place by now?" Harry asked. "What if Remus isn't in the mood to talk to anyone right now? You guys just had an argument, and he was crying in Sirius' room."

Severus didn't care if the werewolf was bloody upset!

"Like I've said, the full-moon's approaching. I want you to get as many lessons in before then."

"I could use a break."

"Out of the question, especially with this war going on!"

"Sev, I don't want to talk to Remus right now," Harry groaned. "He saw my scars."

"You can't avoid Lupin forever, Harry! He's as good as a godfather towards you and he cares about you. You need to tell Lupin why you're upset with him."

"I know… I know…"

"Remember what I've told you? I want you to rekindle the bond you once had with Lupin. I want you to apologize for your behavior towards him as well. Have you done that yet?"

Harry shook his head.

And Severus could see Harry was starting to shut down behind his wall. As much as it pained him to do it, Severus didn't do anything to pull Harry out of it. This time he was leaving it to Lupin, it was his problem to solve with Harry. If it were up to Severus, he would've just let Harry have his way and stay mad at Lupin and push him away. Then it would be good riddance to finally having the wolf out of their lives, but Severus knew he was thinking this out of anger. He knew deep down inside that it was wrong to encourage Harry's behavior like that. Severus had to set his negative feelings towards Lupin aside and choose what was best for Harry, and that was making sure he had enough parental support in his life. Lupin needed to be around, he was one of the few people Severus completely trusted to look after Harry once he couldn't do it anymore. It was only to ensure Harry was taken care of once Severus completed Albus' task.

"Come on, kid," Severus said. "I'll walk you to Lupin's quarters."

Harry answered him back with a sigh of defeat.

.

.

The walk to Lupin's quarters was quiet. Harry trailed behind Severus in the corridors, looking nervous and upset. Severus had decided to just let him be. He was just grateful he was able to get Harry here without a fight.

Stopping at Lupin's portrait door, suddenly Harry wasn't the only one feeling nervous. Severus' heart was beating fast in his chest, he lost all feeling in his legs. He wasn't ready to see Lupin again. He was still feeling too angry, too embarrassed. And Severus couldn't help himself, he thought again of Lupin's entrancing voice, their kiss, and Lupin being so close to him… He's rejected me for Sirius Black! And once more, the enormous ball of mixed emotions that prevented Severus from eating his lunch was back.

Severus took a deep breath, trying to regain his composure as Harry caught up to him.

"Do your best," Severus said, before Harry could say the password. "Here, you'll need this." Severus handed Harry his wand. "I'll be back to pick you up in two hours. Is that enough time for you?"

Harry nodded as he took his wand, holding it tightly. "That's more than enough."

For a brief moment, Harry looked happy to be with his wand again.

"Once the summer's over and you have no more relapses, you may have your wand back."

Harry only nodded. Severus could see Harry was still upset with him for making him spend time with Lupin.

"You know I'm doing this because I care for you, son. I want you to still have Lupin in your life. Remember how much he means to you."

Severus placed a hand on Harry's shoulder. Harry didn't say anything in return, he only shook Severus' hand off. Severus didn't address it. He knew Harry was feeling triggered.

As Severus started his way down the corridor, back to the dungeons, he heard Harry say, "Blackbird."

Blackbird… That's the name of the song Lupin sang, Severus realized.

Severus never cared much for music when he was a child living in the muggle world, but he did recognize that song. It was from a music group that used to be quite popular, but he couldn't remember their name.

Did Black teach Lupin that song? Severus suddenly wondered, and anger took over once more at the thought. Severus only scowled as he continued on to the dungeons.

Why do I even care!

---

"Anteoculatia!" Remus shouted, laughing as Harry suddenly sprouted up antlers. "I knew you had Prongs somewhere in you!"

Harry reached up and felt the antlers that had sprouted out of his head, and only shouted. "Stupefy!"

Harry was so quick, Remus just barely had time to block his stunning spell.

"Rictusempra!" Remus shouted, casting the Tickling Charm.

Harry blocked the spell quickly, then threw another curse. "Avis!"

At the same time Harry's shield went up. That move impressed Remus so much, he was hit by Harry's spell. Birds surrounded Remus, pecking at his face and flying in his hair. He waved his wand, making the birds disappear.

Remus had to admit that Harry was fast. And he was way better than the last time Remus had seen him duel. This had to be Severus' work, he would definitely make a great Defense Professor if it weren't for his position in Potions.

Harry's shield went down as he threw another hex, then brought his shield back up before Remus could react.

"I see what you're doing!" Remus shouted.

Harry smirked in return. "Severus taught me this trick!"

"Ah, I thought so!" Remus started rapid-firing spells at Harry. "Let's see if you can keep up now!" Remus was impressed on how Harry was able to keep a shield up most of the time as he fired curses back.

After a while, Remus could see Harry was starting to get tired. His shields were not holding up for very long and his spells didn't have a lot of power in them anymore. The next thing they had to work on was stamina.

"Expelliarmus!" Remus shouted once he felt that Harry had enough. His holly and phoenix feather wand flew up into the air and Remus caught it.

"I think that's enough for today," Remus said breathlessly, shaking off the feathers from his hair. "That was some great strategy you had there. Did Severus really teach you that?" Remus praised.

Harry only nodded, no longer meeting Remus' eyes. He was quiet and closed off again. Remus was casted out of his walls as soon as their lesson was over. And Remus wished there was some way he could reach his cub on the other side, imagining himself leaning against the brick, feeling the rough stone that was unbreakable.

Harry had come to Remus' quarters, blushing slightly and looking uncomfortable as if he didn't want to be there. Harry had said Severus sent him to Remus for dueling practice. Remus had readily agreed. He was glad of the distraction from being trapped in his own mind, replaying over and over what had happened between him and Severus, of the kiss they'd shared, and the angry words Severus had thrown at him. The hurt Remus saw in those obsidian-black eyes that were suddenly so cold.

"Here, let me take those antlers off."

Remus placed a hand on Harry's shoulder, holding him still. Remus frowned as he felt Harry stiffen under his touch. Remus didn't acknowledge it. He just muttered the counter-curse, causing the antlers to disappear.

.

.

Once they were back in his quarters, Remus led Harry into the kitchen. "Are you thirsty, cub?" he asked.

Harry sat at the kitchen table. "Sure," he only muttered.

Remus shot a worried glance at Harry as he passed him a bottle of cold butterbeer. Now that dueling practice was over, no longer distracting them, the silence between them was back, causing the air to grow tenser with each passing second. Remus leaned against his kitchen counter, watching Harry pick at the label of the bottle.

"Harry, can we talk?" Remus asked, finally having enough of this behavior. He just wanted Harry to open up, to talk about what he'd told Remus that night in Severus' quarters.

You weren't there, Remus, you and Sirius promised you'll always be around… After Sirius died, you've never came to check on me. Not even once to just say goodbye before your mission, I would've been okay with that…but you didn't. You just disappeared. I appreciate you for apologizing, but it doesn't change the fact that I'm angry about it…."

"I know you're upset with me, I understand why…" Remus said earnestly.

"Severus wants me to apologize to you. He said that you care for me and that I should give you a chance," Harry muttered.

Caught off guard by that sudden revelation, Remus couldn't help but feel a bit touched that Severus was encouraging Harry to make things right with him. Remus would've understood if Severus was doing the total opposite, especially after the way Remus had hurt him.

"Severus is right, Harry. I do care for you very much, and I hate that you're so closed off from me. I know you're angry at me, and you have every right to be. I know I shouldn't have left you for that mission… I know I've broken my promise to you. I had let you down, both me and Sirius. And that night, I overstepped when I lifted up your sleeve and saw your scars. I apologize, cub."

"It's okay… You don't need to apologize anymore," was all Harry said, his voice full of exasperation.

And Remus could hear the lie in those words. Remus shook his head, he wasn't accepting that as an answer. There was something else, something that was preventing Harry from forgiving him, and Remus was going to find out what it was. He made his way towards Harry, kneeling down in front of him. Remus gently took the butterbeer out of Harry's hands, placing it on the table. Then he clasped his hands tight around Harry's own.

"No, it's not okay. It clearly isn't when you still can't talk to me or look me in the eye," Remus said sternly. "Talk to me, Harry. What's going on in that head of yours?"

Harry tried to pull his hands away, but Remus kept his hold on them.

"Come on, cub. I won't be upset by anything you need to say."

Harry didn't say anything as Remus spoke. He only continued to fight his hands out of Remus' grasp.

"Harry…"

Harry shook his head, his green eyes were bright with unshed tears.

"Let me go!"

"If I do, will you tell me why you're still angry at me?"

"Remus… Please, I don't want to do this…" Harry choked out. He finally stopped fighting out of Remus' grasp and bowed his head down. Harry's eyes were trained on his lap, refusing to look at Remus.

"I know you don't, but we have to. We need to fix this. You don't want us to be distant, do you?"

Harry sighed in resignation. "No…"

"Will you talk to me?" Remus asked softly. "Come on, cub, I'm right here."

And Harry didn't say anything in response. He stubbornly kept his gaze down, his cheeks blushing, and his body was just starting to tremble. Remus knew he was triggered, he knew Harry was mentally sitting behind his brick wall, hiding away from Remus.

"Come on out, Harry," Remus said, imagining himself standing on the other side, calling out, trying to reach his cub.

With those words, a few silent tears streamed down Harry's cheeks. "Severus told you about my wall?"

Remus nodded. "He did, only because he knows how much I care for you."

"I needed you…" Harry whispered.

"I know… I'm sorry I wasn't there," Remus said, finally letting go of him.

Harry right away tore his hands away, wiping the few stray tears away from his face. He then wrapped his arms around himself tightly.

"No more apologies… You don't understand, Remus, you left me with them!"

"Then make me understand. I'm right here listening," Remus calmly answered back.

With his body now shaking, Harry took a deep breath and continued, "I needed you after Sirius died. I needed you and you left. I was hurting too… And Uncle Vernon was beating me… I was lying on the floor… And everything was hurting… The Dursleys didn't care… And I wanted you, Remus… I was so fucking alone in Privet Drive and you were gone!"

With his heart breaking, Remus only listened, not saying anything yet.

"Remus…" Harry continued, his voice starting to crack from the emotions he was feeling inside. "I've tried so hard to not let this bother me, but it does. I'm angry at you and I feel so bad about it..."

"No, don't apologize for what you're feeling. Like I've said, you have every right to be upset with me."

Harry didn't say anything more. And Remus just wanted his cub to look at him. Remus wanted to see those green eyes and talk directly to Harry.

"Harry, please, look at me..."

Harry didn't respond. Remus gave up on that, and asked, "Why do you feel bad for being angry at me?"

Harry only shook his head.

"Harry, come on, it's okay to tell me."

Harry took a deep breath, trying to figure out how to say his answer.

"I… I feel bad…for being angry at you…because of what you've gone through with Greyback... And I'm a terrible person for needing you…for being mad at you when you were suffering too. It wasn't as if you'd asked to get tortured, it wasn't your fault that you were gone for so long. But I almost lost you, Remus…" Harry paused for a second, then asked in a small and hesitant heartbroken voice, "Do you think...maybe...seeing me might've changed your mind from leaving...from wanting to get yourself killed?"

And Remus was shocked by those words… There it was… The reason why Remus was casted out on the other side of Harry's wall. It wasn't just because of a broken promise, it was much more than that.

"That was a suicide mission, wasn't it? Why couldn't you just tell me what was going on instead of trying to kill yourself? Don't I matter enough to you?" Harry's voice cracked with that last question. It broke Remus inside to hear that question coming out from Harry's mouth, the emotions that came with it...

In Harry's third year, just after they'd emerged from the Whomping Willow, before the full-moon rose and everything went wrong that night, Sirius and Harry had properly spoken to each other for the first time in thirteen years. As they watched the lit up castle in the distance, Sirius and Remus had promised Harry that as soon as Sirius' name was cleared, that they would take him away from the Dursleys. In the meantime, if Harry should ever need them, they'll be there… And looking back on that night, Remus should've known something wrong was going on in Privet Drive. He remembered the desperation in Harry's eyes, the excitement at the thought of living with them, an escaped convict and a werewolf. Who in their right mind would want to live with them? And Harry had barely known them back then… It just showed that Harry was being abused, desperate to get away from his relatives. How could he and Sirius have missed that?

And like how Remus had guessed, it wasn't just about that broken promise… It was way more than that… Somehow, Harry had figured out Remus' true intentions on taking on Albus' mission. It was the fact that Remus didn't just almost die on a failed mission, it was because Remus chose to go… It was because Remus wanted to die, that he'd purposely tried to leave Harry the same way Sirius had left them.

And Remus could now understand why Harry was still so angry at him, still so hurt and closed up, still so distrustful… How could Harry trust Remus again when he feared that Remus might kill himself?

Severus did say Harry had a hard time trusting adults, especially the ones who were supposed to care for him. Remus really screwed up, and now he had to do everything in his power to make Harry see that he was sorry. Remus didn't mean to break that promise, and he certainly wasn't going anywhere. Remus was trying so hard to not be in that dark place anymore….

"Harry…" Remus began, but suddenly, he was pushed back onto the floor, landing on his butt.

Harry glared at Remus with angry green eyes. "You're too close!" he shouted. Harry's body was shaking harder than ever, and he was rubbing his arms.

Remus wanted to tear Harry's nails away from his skin, but he feared he would make the situation worse. Shit! What would Severus do? Remus thought as he stayed sitting where he'd landed, with his palms faced down on the floor.

As he watched Harry fall apart, Remus suddenly had an idea….

"Go on, cub, show me how angry you are with me! And don't feel bad… It's okay to feel that way towards me, never mind what I've been through. Go on, push me again, hit me if you have to!"

Harry was hesitant at first, not really understanding what Remus was trying to do.

Remus sat back up, kneeling in front of Harry again. He grabbed Harry by his upper arms, trying to look him in the eye. "Cub, you have so much anger and hurt wrapped up inside of you. I want you to let it out. Use me as a scapegoat, just let it out! I can take it!" Remus said, giving Harry a small shake before letting him go.

Harry shoved Remus again in the chest, and this time, Remus was ready. He held his ground, he didn't allow himself to fall back this time. Red in the face, Harry pushed Remus again and again as silent tears began to fall down his cheeks, grunting in frustration when Remus wouldn't budge.

Then suddenly, Harry started punching Remus hard in the chest, until he finally shouted out all of his pain and frustration, letting go of the anger he'd kept inside for so long. Slow tears fell from Remus' cheeks at how broken and hurt Harry sounded. Remus didn't say anything or give any sign that the punches hurt. And he didn't allow himself to fall back, Remus remained solid as he wrapped his arms around Harry, whose punches finally began to cease. And Harry broke down sobbing….

"I'm sorry… I'm sorry… I'm sorry," Harry kept saying over and over again. "You and Sirius promised to be around, but you've both left me! Sirius died, and I needed you! You wanted to die too! Don't do that again!"

"I'm not going anywhere. I'm here… I'm here…" Remus kept softly repeating, holding Harry tight against his chest. Then once Harry began to stop crying, gasping for air, Remus pulled himself out of their hug. He kept one hand on Harry's arms… Just in case….

Harry's eyes were down, yet Remus could see the grief and sorrow in those bright-green depths. "Take deep breaths now, you're okay…" Remus said, taking off Harry's glasses and wiping his tears away.

And when it seemed as if Harry was starting to calm down, Remus gave him back his glasses, and said, "Harry, I know you don't want to hear anymore apologies, but I'll keep apologizing until you forgive me. You mean too much to me to let you push me away. Do you understand that?"

And Harry didn't respond, more tears fell from his eyes and Remus wiped them away again.

"Cub, do you understand how much I love you?"

"No…" Harry choked.

"Harry, you're basically my son. That's how much I love you. Don't you ever think that I don't care for you at all. When I was trapped in that cellar, I was always thinking of you. Believe me when I say that there wasn't a day that went by that I didn't regret my choice of not seeing you before I'd left… Because if I would've died, and I never got to see you again…" Remus shook his head, unable to finish his sentence. "I'm so sorry I've put you through that…"

"Remus…"

"Yes, cub?"

"Tell me what happened to you after Sirius died. I'm ready to listen… I want to forgive you…"

"Harry…" Remus could only say in surprise, before continuing, "Please understand that I didn't mean to break that promise, nor did Sirius. We've made that promise to you with every intention of seeing it through. We didn't mean to leave you on purpose, we never meant to hurt you."

Harry nodded, not saying anything.

"After Sirius died, I was in such a dark place. I couldn't see anything or anyone at the time, only my own pain…only my own grief… I was lost in the darkness… And when I had decided to go on that mission, I was in such a state that I believed you were better off without me. That's why I wanted to die… That was wrong of me, and I shouldn't be making excuses for what I've done. I should've tried harder. I should've been better. I'm sorry I wasn't… I should've noticed the pain you were hiding, the abuse that was happening to you. I'm so sorry I didn't see it…"

And when Remus was speaking, Harry finally looked up. His green eyes connected to Remus' own, and Remus broke down crying...

"Merlin… Harry, I just wasn't myself… Please, understand… I was lost… I didn't mean to hurt you. And if I would've known what they were doing to you, how they were raising you, I would've pulled myself out of the darkness. I would've done anything to get you out of there! Cub, I'm so sorry!"

And when Remus finally regained control of himself, he took a deep breath and looked back at Harry, who whispered, "Do you still feel like that? Do you still want to die?"

"No, I don't. Not anymore."

Harry nodded. "I… There was a moment when I…" Then Harry stopped, hesitating for a second. Remus only watched him, waiting patiently for Harry to continue. What was he trying to say?

"I'm sorry for being rude that night when Severus left… For the way I've acted and what I've said… I'm going to try to trust you, like I'm trying with Severus."

And Remus knew Harry changed what he'd originally intended at the last moment.

"Like I've said before, there's no need to apologize for that. I shouldn't have pushed you into talking about the abuse you've suffered from your relatives, or about your scars when you were clearly not comfortable. The fault was entirely mine that you had reacted like that," Remus said. "And whatever you were about to say just now, just know I'm here to listen when you're ready to trust me again."

Harry sighed and then muttered, "I wish I could tell you but I can't. It took me a while to talk to Severus..."

"Just tell me when you're ready, Harry. I'm not going anywhere. I'm willing to wait and earn back your trust."

Harry nodded at Remus' words.

"Are you okay?" Remus asked.

"Yeah," Harry answered.

"I'm going to let go now… No more scratching yourself."

"I didn't even realize I was doing it," Harry said as Remus let go of him and stood up.

Harry examined the red scratches on his skin. "Severus isn't going to like this."

"Here, hold out your arms."

Harry did as he was told, holding out his arms so Remus could inspect the damages. Remus waved his wand, nonverbally muttering a healing spell to take away the red scratches.

"Thanks, Remus," Harry said, admiring his healed arms.

Remus only nodded as he leaned back against the kitchen counter, briefly rubbing at his chest. It was feeling a bit sore from Harry's hard punches.

"I'm sorry for hurting you," Harry said.

"I'm okay, cub. Remember, I have the strength of a werewolf. I can handle your hits."

"I didn't mean to lose control like that."

"I was the one who'd goaded you into it."

Harry took off his glasses again and wiped them clean with his shirt. Then opened up his butterbeer, taking a few sips of it.

"Remus, are you okay?" Harry asked. "You looked really upset this morning. I know you and Sev are fighting right now."

"I'm fine. Don't you worry about me and Severus, we'll straighten it out. You know we've never seen eye to eye… And it was really hard being in Sirius' room. I found his guitar… He used to love that thing…"

"I didn't know Sirius played guitar, was he good?"

"He was amazing! I wish you could've heard him play."

"Can you play the guitar?"

"A little…" Remus flicked his wand. Accio, guitar! The guitar zoomed from Remus' bedroom, and straight to his waiting hands. Remus then pulled a chair up across from Harry and began to strum the chords a bit.

"Do you know the Beatles? That was one of Sirius' favorite bands. It was also your mom's favorite band, and also almost every girl's all over the world."

"Aunt Petunia used to listen to them in the car when she would take me sometimes to do errands and she didn't want to leave me alone, just in case I might burn down her house."

"Huh, well… Then that would've made an improvement on her cookie-cutter house, don't you think?" Remus said as he tuned the guitar, strumming the chords.

Harry laughed as Remus began to sing,

"Hey Jude, don't make it bad.

Take a sad song and make it better.

Remember to let her into your heart,

Then you can start to make it better.

Hey Jude, don't be afraid.

You were made to go out and get her.

The minute you let her under your skin,

Then you begin to make it better."

Then Remus missed up the next few notes, causing him to stop. Feeling his cheeks blush, he said to Harry, "I'm not that good, Sirius was better."

"Remus, what are you talking about? That was amazing!"

Remus only shrugged. "Forgive me, Harry, but I haven't even asked how you were doing with having to deal with Sirius' will."

"I'm okay… I thought it was going to be hard having to go into Grimmauld Place and sort through his things, but Sirius hated that house. I don't want any of it."

Remus nodded thoughtfully. "Yes, we were supposed to go through his things today. Would you like it if I just gathered up the possessions you may like, then auction off the rest of the house? That money can just go straight into your Gringotts vault."

"Sure or maybe you can have it, Remus. So you have somewhere to go when you're not teaching at Hogwarts."

Remus thought about the offer, not really wanting to stay at the dark house that imprisoned Sirius. Plus, that house had so many memories. "I don't think I can live there…" Remus said quietly. "But thanks for thinking of that."

Harry shrugged and drank more of his butterbeer.

Remus replayed the notes he had messed up on.

"And anytime you feel the pain, hey Jude, refrain,

Don't carry the world upon your shoulders.

For well you know that it's a fool who plays it cool

By making his world a little colder."

"Can you show me how to play?" Harry asked.

"Of course!" Remus handed Harry the guitar, instructing him on how to hold it and where to put his hands. Remus kept the memories of Sirius teaching him at bay, not wanting this moment with Harry to be ruined.

Suddenly, there was a knock on the door.

Harry stood up and handed Remus back the guitar. "That must be Severus," he said.

Remus placed the guitar down on the kitchen table, his stomach was suddenly full of knots. He wasn't ready to face Severus again, but he had no choice. Remus opened the portrait door and he was greeted by cold dark eyes, causing Remus to look away. Severus didn't look at him either, his eyes searching for Harry over Remus' shoulder. It seemed like their kiss and the argument that had followed caused a rift between them.

"Severus…" Remus choked out. "Thank you for sending Harry to me." He handed Severus Harry's wand.

Severus snatched the wand out of Remus' hand, not saying a word. Severus stayed by the portrait door, and Remus didn't invite him in. Any more words he wanted to say were caught in his throat.

"Come, Harry, you've bothered Lupin long enough now." Severus' voice was tense.

Remus tried not to flinch, his heart twinging with hurt at the fact that Severus wouldn't even look at him or call him by his first name. It was hard to believe that just this morning, Severus was sitting so close to Remus with his hand caressing Remus' face, then traveling into his hair, leaning in, until Remus met Severus with a kiss. And Severus' eyes, they were so warm and full of curiosity and longing, completely different from now. And for a brief moment, Remus couldn't help but admire Severus dressed in black pants and a black shirt with a charcoal colored vest over it. The vest looked good on him, it defined his thin physique that was usually always covered with his black robes. Severus' hair was wet, as if he'd just showered recently. Remus quietly inhaled, taking in Severus' scent. He could smell the shampoo and the soap Severus used, and just underneath those scents were the herbs used in the Wolfsbane Potion.

Severus was brewing Wolfsbane for me… Was he thinking of me, like I can't stop thinking of him? Was Severus remembering our kiss as he'd worked?

And chasing the memory of their first kiss away, Remus had to remind himself why he'd turned down the man standing outside his door.

"Come back again, cub," Remus said, as Harry joined Severus by the portrait door.

"Thank you for everything, Remus," Harry said, giving Remus a hesitant hug.

Surprised, Remus could only hug Harry back. He didn't miss the raised eyebrow from Severus.

"Don't mention it. Just remember I'm here, if anything, okay? You know my password," Remus said, still hugging his cub back tightly. Tears burned at the back of Remus' eyes. He finally had Harry back.

And then his cub was gone. The silence of Remus' quarters was suddenly too much to bear. Remus sighed as he picked up Sirius' guitar and started to practice Hey Jude, letting the music take away the awful silence.

.

.

The dawn was finally arriving. The glow of the sun could just be seen through Remus' office window as he worked on his lesson plans. It was another sleepless night for him, and he couldn't concentrate because his tired mind kept drifting away. The week went by uneventfully. The Hogwarts professors were all starting to return to the castle. Meetings were now being held every few days to prepare for the new school term. Remus always made polite conversation with his new co-workers after they'd congratulated him on returning to Hogwarts. Those that were in the Order of the Phoenix asked how he was doing after his failed mission. Remus knew they meant well, but he was tired of the quiet and hushed concern in their voices, the pity in their eyes every time they'd ask. Remus would always lie through his teeth when he answered, saying he was okay, when in truth, he wasn't. Sometimes when this happened, Remus would catch Severus staring at him from across the room with those dark eyes of his, and Remus always had the feeling that Severus knew he was lying.

In truth, Remus was barely holding onto his sanity. Everyday he'd managed to keep his trauma safely hidden away from anyone who'd asked him. Remus even kept it from himself, distracting himself with preparing for the new fall term, and dueling with Harry every chance they had before the night of the full-moon arrived. With each visit, Harry picked up all of Remus' advice on dueling so quickly. Remus was impressed by how much Harry's stamina had improved in just a few days.

Since Remus' breakthrough with Harry in his kitchen, there was now a small shift in their broken relationship. Even though Harry was still quiet and closed up around him, Remus could tell that Harry seemed more happier and comfortable to be in Remus' company than he was before. And Remus saw how talkative Harry was with Severus than with him, who could easily get him to open up with a little push. Remus saw their bond each time Severus picked Harry up, and he didn't envy Severus at all. He knew Harry was trying with him... Remus had really failed his cub... He was just grateful that Harry was giving him a chance to redeem himself. That wall in Harry's head, the one he would mentally close up and hide behind, Remus just knew there were tiny fractures in its red bricks since that day in the kitchen. That gave Remus hope that one day, those small cracks would become bigger, until the wall would start to crumble for him like it was crumbling for Severus.

And now Remus' straying thoughts led him to Severus… Remus hadn't seen much of him except for the few staff meetings and the days Severus picked up Harry after dueling lessons. Severus would just ignore Remus, never looking at him as he'd stayed outside in the hallway, waiting for his adopted son.

Twice they had bumped into each other in the corridors when Remus went to the infirmary for his daily regime of health potions from Madam Pomfrey. Severus had thrown a few scathing remarks at Remus both times. The hatred and coldness Severus had shown, it was almost as if they were students again. It tore Remus up inside as he thought of what their kiss could've led them to, but it was for the best. Remus was standing by his decision to not start anything with Severus. He wasn't in a good place right now. Besides, he couldn't let Sirius go just yet. So, Remus took the bullying, knowing Severus was just hurt for being pushed away.

And even though Remus was barely hanging on during the day, at night he was falling down deep into depression with no one to catch him. Most nights, Remus didn't sleep. He stayed up, trapped in his own head until the sun rose. Remus couldn't hide the dark thoughts from himself. Thoughts about how he'd failed Dumbledore's mission, how he'd failed Kaylie and Johnathan Porter. Remus saw himself as a wretched monster that'd killed children… And as he tossed and turned in his bed every night, Remus battled himself with the thought that maybe, Sirius was right. Maybe it was better that he had died instead of James. And everytime Remus thought of James, his thoughts led to Harry and the breakdown he had in Remus' kitchen. And as Remus remembered that day, all terrible thoughts of his death were always chased away. Some nights, Remus managed a few hours just before dawn but only to be plagued by nightmares of himself reliving the days spent in Greyback's cellar.

Remus ran his hands through his hair, pulling himself out of his head and trying to regain his focus back on his lesson plans. The summer was coming to an end, the new school term was starting next week on a Monday, and the full-moon was tomorrow night. Remus could feel it in the aching of his bones and muscles. He could feel it in his sharpened senses. Just this morning when Remus finally gave up on sleeping and went to the restroom, he'd found his eyes permanently flecked with gold. And Remus suddenly couldn't bear the thought of people touching him, it triggered the pain and humiliation touch had brought to Remus when he was held captive. He could also feel the heaviness of his nightmares and the lack of sleep weighing him down. The depression Remus had been able to hide, only allowing it to come out at night was breaking through. Remus couldn't shake it off, perhaps it was due to the full-moon being so near.

Suddenly, there was a knock on his portrait door. And wondering who it could be and if they brought coffee with them, Remus waved his hand at the door, using wandless and nonverbal magic to open it. Just as the portrait door swung open, Remus caught Severus' scent, it caused his stomach to churn with surprise and nervousness. Remus' heart was racing as he kept his eyes down at his work, not sure what to do. What was Severus doing here so early in the morning? The sun had just started to rise, it was practically still dark outside. And Remus suddenly wondered if he was hallucinating from his lack of sleep or possibly dreaming.

Did I fall asleep at my desk?

Remus heard footsteps storming towards him. Then suddenly, Severus was slamming a corked vial onto his work, causing Remus to finally snap his head up. He found himself lost in cold obsidian eyes and Remus knew he wasn't dreaming or hallucinating. Severus was really here in his office.

"Your Wolfsbane for tomorrow," Severus only said.

Tongue-tied, Remus could only stare at Severus in shock.

Severus turned away, leaving the office so quickly. And before Remus knew what he was doing, he was running after him.

"Severus! Severus, wait!" Remus shouted.

Severus kept walking as Remus caught up to him. "What do you want, Lupin?" Severus snapped, refusing to look at Remus by keeping his gaze straight ahead. "I'm very busy preparing potions for my lessons. I can't afford to waste time with idle conversation with my son's pet werewolf!"

Remus threw himself in front of Severus, forcing the Potions Master to stop walking. Severus glared at him, and Remus glared at him back, refusing to show Severus the hurt he was feeling at his scathing remark.

"We can't keep dancing around each other like this, we have to talk," Remus said.

"We have nothing to talk about! Now get out of my way. Get some sleep! Or some coffee at least, you look like a fucking zombie!"

"Look, I know you're only angry with me because I've hurt you. I didn't mean…"

"Shut it, wolf," Severus interrupted, looking around. There was no one in the corridor, aside from a pair of ghosts chatting in the far end. Severus grabbed Remus by the crook of his elbow and dragged him inside an empty classroom.

Once they were inside and the door was closed, Severus tore his hand away, as if touching Remus burned him.

"Severus, look I just wanted to apologize..."

"Save it, Lupin, what you said gave me a wakeup call. I was starting to like you, I admit that, but it was foolish of me. Very foolish! I've forgotten how much you were like them, like your idiotic friends! Always trying to humiliate me for your own entertainment!"

"You know that wasn't my intention. I'm not trying to humiliate you or hurt you on purpose. That kiss… You want it to mean something… I know you do, that's why you're so upset, but it can't. We can't happen. Please, understand I can't when…"

Severus gave him a withering glare. "Fuck off, Lupin," he snarled, placing his hand on the doorknob, ready to leave.

Remus sighed in defeat and frustration at Severus' stubbornness. "At least around Harry, we have to be civil around each other. I don't want our differences making him feel uncomfortable."

"Harry's always known that I've despised you and your little friends!"

Remus stepped back. "You despise me?" he said quietly.

In response, Severus only scowled before storming away, leaving Remus alone in the empty classroom.

---

Severus was in a rotten mood as he cleared up the living room of his quarters. It was still too early for Severus to wake up Harry for their Diagon Alley trip today with the Weasleys, and he didn't know what to do with himself. He needed to control his anger caused by the audacity of Remus Lupin. Severus couldn't get the stupid wolf out of his head.

Severus had been up most of the night making sure the Wolfsbane was brewing perfectly, and just before dawn arrived, the potion was ready. Since it was so early and he knew the password, Severus had intended to leave the vial on Lupin's desk, expecting him to be asleep in his quarters. But to his disappointment, the door opened after one hesitant knock, allowing Severus to enter the office.

Severus' stomach dropped at the sight of Lupin sitting at his desk. Dressed in an old faded muggle band t-shirt over a black long-sleeved shirt and plaid pajama pants, Lupin looked exhausted as he'd poured over his work with his head bowed down, his hair covering his eyes. And Severus tried to be as fast and nonchalant as possible, slamming the vial harder than he'd meant to on Lupin's desk. Lupin snapped his head up. Severus was surprised to see the dark circles under Lupin's eyes, with his hazel irises flecked with gold, and his face was so pale.

To Severus, Lupin looked like he hadn't been sleeping. And he'd almost begun to feel pity? Concern? Severus wasn't sure. And suddenly, he couldn't be in that office anymore. He wasn't done feeling angry and hurt from Lupin's rejection yet. Severus had spun around and left the room as fast as he could.

As Severus picked up Harry's Quidditch Through the Ages book from under the coffee table and his practice snitch from the sofa, he couldn't stop thinking about the argument that'd happened between him and Lupin right after. Severus hadn't meant to be that rude, that hateful. He hadn't meant to accuse Lupin of trying to humiliate him on purpose. Severus had simply let his anger get the best of him... This whole thing with Lupin had triggered Severus completely. He felt like he was at school again, like they were bloody teenagers! Severus felt as if he were the butt of an elaborate prank performed by the Marauders. And that prank was for Lupin to make Severus feel things for him, to make Severus want to kiss him, only for Lupin to reject him, to humiliate him.

Fucking Marauders!

Severus sat down on the sofa with Harry's things in his lap. He closed his eyes, trying to take a deep breath. He had to squash his anger down before Harry woke up. Severus didn't want to have another episode of letting his emotions get the best of him. He had no idea what was wrong with him lately. Severus always had no trouble in controlling his emotions and keeping his mask on, except for the times he had arguments with Harry. Only because his kid really knew how to push Severus.

What was it about Lupin that he was able to shake Severus like this?

Even through his darkest moments with the Dark Lord, Severus had never let his emotionless facade break. He was always in control. And with one glance at Lupin, one argument, one kiss, Severus was falling apart, trying to keep up the pieces of what was left of his mask.

Didn't Lupin realize how big this was for Severus? To let down his guard for someone after being alone for so long, after being torn apart by Lily's rejection, followed by her death and Severus' role in it. Didn't Lupin understand how hard it was for Severus to finally realize and admit that he had feelings for him, for Severus to wear his bloody heart on his sleeve? And Lupin ripped it off like it meant nothing to him!

And then Severus realized Lupin couldn't have known his struggles. They were never exactly close… After going to the same school together for seven years, Severus realized they didn't know much about each other.

Just like everyone else, Lupin had only known the version of Severus as emotionless and cold. The ex Death Eater who was strictly loyal to Albus for reasons unknown. That night in front of the fireplace when they'd both almost kissed, after Severus had returned from the Dark Lord's call, Severus' mask was cracked, allowing Lupin a glimpse of the real version of himself that Severus always kept hidden.

Lupin really didn't know how hard it was for Severus to allow himself to open up the way he did that night….

And it was only because of the memories that Severus saw in Lupin's head, that Severus knew way more about Lupin than he was meant to.

Thinking about those memories, Severus realized they had a few things in common...

Fathers who didn't understand them.

Both of them were trapped in a war that caused them to do unspeakable things.

Severus felt responsible for the Potter's death. Remus was feeling responsible for Kaylie Porter's death.

They were both outcasts in wizarding society, a Death Eater and a werewolf….

And Severus finally started to realize that Lupin hadn't meant to hurt him like that. He just didn't know what it took for Severus to start showing the hidden pieces of himself, and how it hurt deeply to be rejected. Lupin wasn't doing this on purpose. His choice was just simply his love for Sirius Black, which Severus could never understand.

With that thought in mind, Severus opened his eyes. The anger in him was finally starting to ebb away. As he placed Harry's book and snitch on the coffee table, Severus tried not to think about how hurt Lupin had sounded when Severus told him he despised him. It wasn't true… It was just better if Lupin believed it to be….

I'm giving him what he wants! Severus snarled to himself.

And filled with frustration towards the complexity of Remus Lupin, Severus couldn't sit still any longer. He stood up, deciding to get started on breakfast for himself and Harry. They had a long day of school shopping ahead of them. And just like that, anxiety of what the day might bring erased all thoughts of the werewolf out of Severus' head.

.

.

As the last weeks of summer passed, Severus had found himself reading the Daily Prophet almost religiously every morning. The Dark Lord's silence was starting to get to him, things were happening and he was left out of the loop. At first, Severus started to notice the small details, the strange occurrences that could only mean that the Dark Lord was behind it. For instance, the change in weather around some muggle towns, cold and foggy weather in the middle of August. That had to be the Dark Lord recruiting and breeding dementors for his side. Then a bridge in London went down, killing hundreds of Muggles. That had to be the work of the Death Eaters. Severus knew enough of the muggle world that those bridges were strong and sturdy. There was no way it could suddenly fall like that with no explanation. Then the list of people missing and found dead began to grow, more Dark Marks were starting to appear in the sky. The wizarding world was now falling into the hands of the Dark Lord and his followers, and Severus feared how much time he had left before he had to perform his dreaded task. How much time he had left before the Dark Lord finally called Severus, expecting him to take Harry with him. There was no way in hell he was going to do that. Severus and Albus were working on a plan.

"Good morning, Sev," Harry mumbled as he shuffled inside the kitchen, still in his pajamas. Harry's presence pulled Severus out of his dark thoughts.

"You're up?" Severus said as he flipped over a pancake.

"And you're making pancakes? What's the occasion?" Harry grinned as he took out a pitcher of pumpkin juice from the icebox.

"It's going to be a long day… Why are you up so early? I usually have to drag you out of bed."

Harry shrugged as he sat at the table, his sleepy yet cheerful mood quickly disappearing.

Severus glanced at Harry, now noticing how tired the boy looked as he stared at his glass of pumpkin juice, lost in a daze. Severus knew that look. He was sure Harry didn't get much sleep last night due to nightmares. Severus turned off the stove and placed the last of the pancakes onto a plate.

"Harry, mental health check," Severus said as he set the dishes and food on the table, then took his seat across from his son.

"Severus…" Harry groaned.

"Come on, show me your arms," Severus said in a no-nonsense tone.

Harry sighed in frustration, pulling up his sleeves. To Severus' disappointment that he didn't let show, there were red scratch marks in Harry's skin.

"The charm broke again?" Severus asked.

Harry nodded.

"Accio, healing balm!" Severus summoned the little jar and gave it to Harry. "Go on, rub it into those scratches."

As Harry silently did as he was told, Severus asked, "What was your nightmare about?"

"I don't remember much of it anymore," Harry muttered.

"Tell me the parts you remember," Severus said encouragingly.

"Okay… I dreamed that I was running after you… I was calling your name. Then I heard a wolf howling in the distance… And I just felt happy, I think, or satisfied… I'm not really sure… It was so strange… And I woke up with my scar hurting." Harry rubbed at his scar. "It wasn't a vision, at least I dont think it was… I think I just tapped into Voldemort's emotions… Do you think that wolf was Remus? Could he be in danger from Greyback?"

"I don't think so…" Severus said, going over what Harry had said. He was right. It didn't sound like a normal vision. Harry had somehow tapped into the Dark Lord's emotions and he was happy about something. That meant another person was probably murdered or maybe the Dark Lord was going to call Severus to him soon… And that thought made Severus' heartbeat stop for a second with dread and an icy fear. Could this mean that the Dark Lord had finished planning what he was going to do with Harry?

Severus looked at Harry, who was looking down at his plate, still rubbing at his scar. It didn't seem as if he'd noticed the fear that passed through Severus. And Severus was relieved, because he didn't want to worry Harry. He was tempted to put his emotionless facade back on, so Harry couldn't see the effect this nightmare had on Severus… He kept it off… Severus didn't want to seem closed off towards Harry, especially after he'd spent a night awake and scratching himself. It was important for Harry to see the true Severus without his mask right now, that way he could be comfortable enough to talk about what was bothering him.

"If you're feeling these emotions and you're sure it's coming from the Dark Lord, I'll inform Dumbledore. It's probably…"

"Another murder?"

Severus nodded. "I'll keep an eye out in the Daily Prophet… And as for the howling wolf it could mean anything, Harry."

"I guess… What about me running after you? I know that wasn't a vision, it was a dream. I felt Voldemort's emotions right after it."

"It must be something you're stressing over. Dreams caused by anxiety usually are of pursuit or falling. What's been on your mind, son?"

Harry paused… Then said, "Can't we wait until later to talk about it?"

Severus gave him a severe look. "No, we're not putting this off until you blow up."

Harry huffed with annoyance, "I don't…"

Severus didn't say anything in return. He only watched as Harry continued to rub at his scar.

"Harry…" Severus finally sighed deeply with concern. He reached across the table and pried Harry's hand away from his face.

"Do you remember that I'm your father now? That means you can trust me. No more closing up, okay? Talk to me. What made you scratch yourself up?"

"I couldn't sleep after my dream... I kept worrying about the war last night and the prophecy… I kept worrying about you and your position in it… Don't say that you're not worried too, Severus. I see the headlines on the Daily Prophet, I see how worried you get everytime you read it… And you're always staring at your Dark Mark."

"Harry, like I've said before, I'm too clever for the Dark Lord to let him kill me, I know what I'm doing. I'm always being safe. So don't you worry about me. And despite what happens with this war, just remember, Professor Dumbledore and I are doing everything in our power so you have a fighting chance to defeat him. Don't you worry, kid. You're not in this alone. Try not to dwell too much on the future. Just enjoy the present moment. We've talked about this…"

Harry stared into Severus' eyes as he spoke. Severus was thrown off by the sudden eye contact because it was rare for Harry to look at him like that without Severus coaxing him. And Severus managed to hold their eye contact, hoping that his fear of what the Dark Lord's emotions might mean and the dreaded task Severus was forced to do for Albus, wasn't seen in his eyes.

Harry furrowed his eyebrows.

"Why do I feel like you're hiding something?"

Fuck! "Harry…" Severus said with warning. He didn't mean to sound like that, to give any hint of the dark future ahead. Please don't ask me anything… I don't want to lie to you, son… "There are things that I can't give away on Dumbledore's orders, you know that. Just trust me."

Harry understood the warning tone in Severus' voice. "Fine…" he sighed in defeat.

"Are you okay, now?"

"Are you mad that I scratched myself last night?"

"No, kid," Severus only said.

Harry nodded. "I do feel better now… Thanks for making me talk about my nightmare…" He then smiled cheekily. "And for kidnapping me from the Dursleys. Who knew I would end up having my least favorite professor as my dad by the end of summer? How the bloody hell am I going to explain this to Ron and Hermione today?"

That statement of Harry being kidnapped caused Severus to burst out laughing, surprising Harry and even himself. "You've finally decided to tell them?" Severus was finally able to say.

"Yeah, Ron sent me a letter. He saw how protective you were of me when I fell off my broom. He told Hermione, and they want to know what's going on. I think it's time to tell them the truth. They've stuck with me for so long… They deserve to know."

"I'm proud of you."

Harry blushed at those words. "Thanks, Sev," he said.

After they finished their breakfast, Severus summoned Harry's wand and invisibility cloak, making them appear on the table.

"Sev?" Harry exclaimed in surprise, his green eyes glowing at the sight of his favorite possessions.

"I want you to be safe today," Severus only said. "Once we return they're going back to my office."

.

.

As soon as Severus stepped out of the Weasleys' fireplace, he spotted Harry running upstairs with his friends. The ruckus of the Weasley children filled the house as Arthur greeted him into the kitchen, handing him a cup of coffee. Arthur sat across from Severus, the Daily Prophet was laying on the table.

"It's good to see that you and Harry are doing well together," Arthur said. "It's a pretty gloomy day to go out school shopping, I can tell you that."

Severus nodded in agreement, reading the headlines on the newspaper.

"They found Karkaroff's body?" Severus asked, relief going through him. This had to be why the Dark Lord was so happy last night. It gave Severus hope that there was still time before he was called to the Dark Lord's side.

Arthur nodded, handing him the paper. Severus read the article, apparently they'd found the freshly-killed body somewhere in the north with the Dark Mark over the sky. Severus knew there was a head over Karkaroff, and he knew the scumbag wouldn't last long. And the relief Severus felt before was instantly washed away. The silence of the Dark Lord was really starting to worry him now. Severus should've been called to his side once the murder happened. It was always a big thing for them to celebrate once they've caught and killed a traitor from their ranks. Silence was never a good sign. A lesson Severus had learned when he was young and new to the Dark Lord's ranks.

"I'm surprised he'd even made it that long to be honest, Severus, more things are happening. The death toll is through the roof, and I wouldn't be surprised if the muggles start to suspect something..." Arthur stopped talking, because yelling was suddenly heard from upstairs.

"And that goes for returning to Hogwarts as well!" Molly shouted, as she stomped down the stairs. Molly didn't notice Severus in the kitchen as she went into the laundry room, muttering about her kids.

Severus shot Arthur a confused look. "What was that about?" he asked.

"Molly…" Arthur sighed worriedly for his wife. "She's really nervous about today. A couple of nights ago she had a fit, saying she didn't want Ron and Ginny returning to Hogwarts. I've managed to calm her down. Molly's just really worried, and the stories some of the Order bring here, aren't helping at all."

"Molly should know that Hogwarts is the safest place to be," Severus frowned. "With Albus and I there, not to mention half the staff are part of the Order, there's no safer place for the children."

"I know that's what I've told her. It took a while, but I was able to make Molly see sense, and I don't blame her, really…"

"I don't either," Severus only muttered.

"Severus!" Molly greeted as she reentered the kitchen, looking a bit calmer. Severus stood up as Molly briefly hugged him. "I'm so glad to see you and Harry. How has he been fairing with you?"

"He's doing great." Severus didn't hug Molly back, just awkwardly accepted the friendly gesture. He wasn't used to being randomly hugged by others.

"I was wondering if you've found out anything more from Harry's attack from the last Order meeting?" Molly asked.

Severus shook his head. "Every lead that Albus and I have come up with keeps leading us to dead ends. We're just going to have to keep a close eye on Harry and wait for the next move."

"We'll figure this out, Severus. I know Harry's not going to like all the extra security today, but he's just going to have to bear it until we catch the culprit," Molly said.

A honking sound from outside interrupted their conversation.

"Oh! Those are the Ministry cars!" Arthur said, looking out the window.

Molly called for the kids to come downstairs.

"Blimey, Harry, Severus Snape as your dad?" Severus overheard Weasley say as the kids gathered near the door. "I still can't believe it..."

"Severus isn't really that bad once you get to know him," Harry said.

"Bloody hell, he's calling Snape Severus..." Weasley could only faintly say in disbelief.

"I think this is great, Harry, really… You need someone to help you with your self-harm…" Granger said.

"I just still can't believe you've bloody kept that from us…"

"Ronald!" Granger scolded. "Enough of that, we've already discussed it! Stop making Harry feel bad again!"

"It's alright, Hermione," Harry laughed. "He's in shock."

Severus guessed Harry did end up finding a way to tell his friends about the self-harm and the adoption. And wondering if Harry also told them about his suicide attempts and the child abuse he'd suffered from, Severus dumped the rest of his coffee out in the sink before joining the Weasley band, Harry, and Granger; who surprisingly had a black eye.

.

.

Diagon Alley was not at all what it used to be. No more were the stores gleaming with merchandise and crowded with shoppers. The day was so gloomy and grey. It reflected the state of the almost deserted and depressing alley. Posters that stated safety guidelines were all over the windows of the shops, along with wanted posters of various Death Eaters. Severus couldn't help but feel uneasy, like Molly, he desperately wanted to get the shopping done as quickly as possible. As they passed the shops, Severus didn't fail to notice that the shoppers, just like Molly and himself, were anxious, walking quickly and getting what they needed, no time for idle conversation.

Molly had the group split up. Molly, Arthur and their daughter Ginny had gone to the bookstore to purchase everyone's textbooks. While Severus and the rest of the teens, along with Hagrid who was the added security much to Harry's enjoyment and the annoyance to Severus, went to Madam Malkin's to purchase new school robes.

As soon as Severus entered the shop with the three teenagers behind him and leaving Hagrid to keep guard outside, he caught sight of his godson standing on top of a stool in front of a full-length mirror. Draco narrowed his eyes at Harry, Granger and Weasley.

"Mudbloods, traitors, and Potty… Is that the kind of company you keep these days, Professor?" Draco rudely asked. "It's a pity what that crackpot of a headmaster forces you to do."

Before Severus knew it, two wands: Weasley's and Harry's, were aiming at Draco. Draco pulled his wand out as well.

"No, Ron, Harry!" Granger moaned.

"Wands away, Potter, Weasley!" Severus snapped, purposely leaving out Draco. If Draco was here, so was his mother.

Severus sent Harry a furious glare. The boys grudgingly put away their wands. Harry was due for a lecture when they returned home. Surely, he should know better than to start a fight.

Madam Malkin had returned from the back with extra pins and started to work on Draco's robes. "I'll be right with you," she only said to the group standing by the door.

Narcissa appeared right behind Madam Malkin, studying the scene with narrowed blue eyes at the three teenagers.

"Ah, Severus, I see you're babysitting for Dumbledore. How lovely…" Her voice dripped with sarcasm.

"Babysitting? I wouldn't call it that…" Severus sneered, keeping up his appearance by making sure his emotions were securely hidden, turning into the Severus Snape she expected him to be. "As a Professor of Hogwarts, it's my duty to accompany students whose parents are incapable of meeting their needs."

"My parents are capable of…!" Weasley began, but didn't finish because Severus smacked the back of his head. Suddenly, a loud shout was followed by Draco who was still getting his robes fitted.

"Watch where you're putting that pin, woman!" Draco tugged his arm away, scowling as he pulled the robes over his head and threw them in a crumpled heap onto the floor.

Severus narrowed his eyes suspiciously.

"You know what, mother, I don't think I want these robes anymore, knowing what kind of scum shops here!"

Draco jumped off the stool, his cold grey eyes landing on Granger and Weasley. Then on Severus who wasn't fooled by this prickly act of his. Like Severus, Draco was stuck on the wrong side of the war, forced to lie, to hide himself, to act, just to survive. The real Draco was just underneath, and Severus saw it within a fraction of a second as he watched Draco's gaze land on Harry. The slip-up was so quick, so small, no one in the room noticed it, only Severus… It was a look full of regret, showing Severus how much this was hurting Draco for acting this way towards Harry. He must miss their friendship as much as Harry did. Severus wondered if Harry saw it. He was quiet during this whole exchange.

And without another word, Draco walked past them towards the door, making sure to push Weasley in the shoulder as hard as he could as he left the shop.

Narcissa followed Draco out, giving Severus and his charges the same cool look as her son's. The only thing different was that her hostility was true.

Through the shop window, Severus watched them walk down the alley flanked by Order members. Severus couldn't believe that Narcissa would risk her and Draco's safety just for school shopping, especially when she was on the Dark Lord's hit list. Something wasn't right about this….

As the three teens were getting fitted for school robes, Severus couldn't help but replay the scene again in his mind. It was the way Draco had shouted out in alarm when Madam Malkin pinned his sleeve. He sounded like he was hiding something, something on his forearm. And it seemed like he wanted to leave the shop as soon as possible, instead of goading Harry and his friends further into an argument like he would usually do. Severus' face suddenly went white as he connected the pieces to Draco's behavior.

Was it possible that Draco had received the Dark Mark already, and that the Dark Lord did not bother to call Severus?

Another question that bothered Severus was if Draco received the Dark Mark, how did he manage to slip away from the Order members standing guard outside the safe-house? Did Narcissa know about the mark? Was she truly on the Dark Lord's hit list? Did she have anything to do with Harry's attack? But how could she have gotten past the wards without being seen?

Severus just felt like he was missing something, keeping him from solving this mystery. And in the midst of all these questions, Severus' concern for Draco had reached an all-time high, but there was nothing he could do at the moment with Narcissa so close. Severus was just going to have to wait until the school term started, to make a plan and talk to Draco, to figure out what was going on, and to get his godson out of the Dark Lord's clutches.

Once they were done at Madam Malkin's, Severus, along with Hagrid, quickly led the teens to the Weasley twin's new joke shop. Still noticing how quiet Harry was and the way his friends kept shooting concerned looks at him, Severus knew Harry was worried for Draco. Like Severus, Harry must've noticed the strange behavior and was probably figuring out the possibility of Draco bearing the Dark Mark. His kid was going to definitely bring up the scene in Madam Malkin's shop later, and Severus had to figure out how he was going to approach it. Severus then promised himself that he would talk to Albus about his concerns as soon as they returned to Hogwarts.

---

"You know how to fix it?"

Draco's words sounded through the extendable ears Harry was using to listen with. He was under the invisibility cloak with Ron and Hermione, just outside of Borgin and Burkes.

Moments ago, while in Fred's and George's joke shop, Harry had spotted Draco through the window giving his mother and their guards the slip. Harry pointed it out to Ron and Hermione. They'd glanced around the shop, making sure no one was watching them. Mrs. Weasley was looking at Pygmy Puffs with Ginny. Mr. Weasley was lost in the muggle magic tricks section. The twins were helping out some customers. Severus was busy examining some love potions, looking thoroughly impressed by his former students. Seizing his only chance, Harry had thrown the invisibility cloak over himself and his friends. They'd snuck out of the shop and successfully passed by Hagrid. Harry felt a bit guilty for risking his safety, but his curiosity over what Draco was up to, overshadowed it.

As they'd followed Draco into Knockturn Alley, Harry was surprised to see Fenrir Greyback waiting outside the shop, covered in a dark hooded cloak. Harry had half a mind to attack the werewolf for what he'd done to Remus, but it was his curiosity and concern for Draco that kept him calm.

"It'll be a very difficult job…" The greasy voice of Borgin sounded through the extendable ear.

Harry tried to strain his ears, taking in everything the shopkeeper and Draco were saying. It sounded like Draco wanted something fixed, but what was it, and why? And it seemed like Draco was using Greyback's presence to threaten the shopkeeper. This sounded like Draco was up to something dangerous. Was this for his task? The one Severus mentioned, yet revealed almost nothing about it.

Harry didn't fail to notice how Draco jumped when Madam Malkin was hemming up his sleeves. As the group walked to Fred and George's shop, Harry had kept quiet, ignoring the looks of concern his friends kept shooting at him. Harry just kept replaying the scene over and over. It was so strange. Why would Draco freak out over Madam Malkin touching his forearm? It was as if he were hiding something. Was it possible that he was hiding the Dark Mark? Was Draco now a Death Eater?

Draco and Greyback stopped speaking. The conversation was over and suddenly Draco was walking out of the shop, passing just a few inches away from Harry and his friends. They watched the Slytherin go, forgetting the fact that Greyback was still in the shop.

"What the bloody hell was that about?" Ron asked.

"It sounded like Draco wanted something mended… Did either of you see what he was pointing at?" Harry asked. He didn't show it but his heart was breaking to watch Draco go down this way, to take this path Voldemort had set him on. What they'd just seen, it seemed like Draco accepted his fate by taking the Dark Mark and accepting his task. And Harry wondered if their last words to each other would ever come true now? Would they still be able to meet on the other side of the war? Could they ever be friends again after this? And Harry would give anything, just to know if his Draco was still somewhere inside the stranger he'd seen today. If Draco was going to be like this at school, Harry wasn't sure if he could bear it.

"No, I didn't see anything. That cabinet was in the way," Ron said.

"I'll go check, you two stay here…" Hermione was just saying, when suddenly, the cloak slipped off of Harry and his friends. Hermione screamed as they turned around and came face to face with Fenrir Greyback.

"Well, well, well, what do we have here?" the werewolf growled. His nostrils were flared and his mouth was hanging open, showing off his sharp yellow canines as he inhaled their scent. "Two tasty snacks and Potter, a prize for my Dark Lord."

Harry pointed his wand at Greyback. "Don't touch my friends!" he shouted.

"Ah… Be a nice little cub, Potter," Greyback cooed menacingly at him.

Harry could hear Hermione's fearful gasps in his ear beside him as she held on tightly to his elbow. Like Harry, Ron had his wand pointed at Greyback as well, with his blue eyes glaring hatefully at him.

Greyback leaned forward, his face suddenly so close to Harry's own.

"Get back!" Ron shouted, stepping in front of Harry and forcing Greyback away. "The Aurors are on their way right now!"

Greyback stepped back with his hands raised. "Do you really believe that, Weasley? I've heard your father's the laughing stock of the Ministry. I wonder what they would say if his youngest son was bitten. A pity really to have such shame, especially when he already carries the shame of being a muggle-loving fool."

Ron lunged forward.

"Ron! No!" Hermione shouted as she and Harry held Ron back while Greyback continued laughing. "We need to leave! Fighting him isn't worth it! We have to go!"

So preoccupied in holding Ron back, Harry had dropped his wand. It rolled over to Greyback's feet who picked it up, giving the werewolf a chance to make his move.

Strong arms pulled Harry away from Ron and Hermione, and the blade of a knife was suddenly pressed against his throat. Harry screamed out in protest, "Get the fuck off me!"

"Quiet, Potter, or I'm slicing your throat open! Wormtail and I have been working so hard to get you away from under Snape's nose."

Harry struggled, trying to fight his way out of Greyback's hold. Hermione and Ron both had their wands pointed at the werewolf.

"It was you who attacked me!"

"In a sense…yes... I had Wormtail go through the wards, as he used to live there as a rat. The wards recognized him as safe under his animagus form. Your parents really should strengthen their wards, Weasley. It's quite pathetic."

"Let Harry go!" Ron only shouted. "Stup…"

Ron didn't have a chance to finish his spell. Greyback growled as he pulled Harry's hair hard, forcing his head back. He placed his sharp canines on Harry's exposed neck. Harry could feel the sharp ends of his teeth, could feel the warm breath on his skin. The smell of Greyback was so strong and horrible, making Harry gag.

"If you're smart, you would put your wands down," Greyback threatened. "Drop them on the floor! Now!"

"No!" Ron shouted.

"Just do it!" Harry choked out.

"Harry!" Hermione protested.

"Do it, I'll be fine!"

Ron and Hermione looked at each other in shock, then back at Harry as they surrendered their wands.

Greyback kicked the wands away, then placed the knife back against Harry's throat so he could speak properly again. "When you two brats run off to your Potions Professor, tell him and your headmaster that if they want their precious Potter to stay human, they have one day to return what is mine!"

Suddenly, the knife in Greyback's hands glowed blue. It was a portkey!

Ron and Hermione dived for their wands, both shouting out, "Stupefy! but their spells missed. It was too late, Greyback was already disappearing with Harry, who was trying so hard to fight out of Greyback's tight hold.

The last thing Harry saw were the terrified faces of Ron and Hermione, before everything was suddenly a blur of color and fear as Harry was taken away into the unknown.

Special thanks to my reviewers!: Emma Lipardi / tigerlily124 / Ashleaporterwashere / megan14uderian / chronos-girl / Miriam1 / Romantific / Makurayami Ookami / SlytherclawGryffinpuff / Aixxx / PotterGirl19 / Sakraprace / Blueflower1491 Edwina B. Karch / Mynamemattersnot / Laurenmk20 / Guest