Chapter Twenty-Nine - A Heartstopping Moment
The walk back to the castle was brutal and long for Severus in which his adrenaline had finally run its course and left him feeling exhausted. He looked back at Lupin, who was trailing behind with his head bowed and his tail between his legs. Severus could imagine the walk was harder for the wolf who was sporting a huge bite on his shoulder and a chewed-up hind leg. There was a nasty-looking bite on Lupin's neck as well. His whole body was covered in scratches and bites to the point that Lupin's coat was matted and stained with red.
Once they've finally made it to the hospital wing, Lupin dropped to the ground with a relieved and exhausted huff, closing his eyes and panting harder than ever.
Madam Pomfrey was at Lupin's side immediately. Severus dropped to the ground beside her, helping her with the best of his abilities to close up most of the wounds. The only ones that they couldn't close were the nastiest ones on Lupin's shoulder, neck and hind leg. They kept bleeding through the bandages Severus used and Madam Pomfrey's blood-clotting charms.
Severus ended up leaving the wounds to the expertise of the matron and just kept pouring a few drops of Blood-Replenishing Potion at a time into Lupin's jaws, massaging his throat carefully to not aggravate the bleeding gash on his neck.
Lupin had passed out sometime during their work.
When the bleeding had finally stopped and Madam Pomfrey managed to close them up just a bit so they looked a day or two old and were scabbed over, Severus helped her bandage up the unconscious werewolf. The stone floor around Lupin was slick with blood. Severus gently lifted him up and took him to Narcissa's old private room in the hospital wing, which was now vacant.
On the way there, Severus stopped... He caught sight of Harry sleeping in one of the beds, and his heart went out to him. Harry was fast asleep with bandages wrapped around the crown of his head and on his cheek. And Severus wondered if there was any point where Harry might've woken up during Molly's and Madam Pomfrey's care while Severus and Lupin were dealing with Greyback. Was he scared? Or did he remain unconscious, trapped in nightmares, not knowing he was safe now? And Severus desperately wanted to just sit at Harry's side, to see for himself that his son was okay.
Madam Pomfrey, who had gone on ahead to get the room ready for Lupin, came back out and saw Severus paused in front of Harry's bed.
"He's okay, Severus. Don't you worry. When we get Remus settled in, we'll check on Harry."
"Has he awoken yet?"
"Briefly, when Molly was placing him in the bed. Harry asked for you and Remus."
"What did you tell him?"
"To get some sleep, and when he awakes you lads would be here at his side."
"Poppy… Thank you…"
"I've never doubted that you and Lupin wouldn't return."
And Severus had no words to that. He choked up a bit at the matron's sentiments as he only walked on ahead to the small private bedroom.
Severus gently placed Lupin on the bed. His arms felt a bit sore from Lupin's heavy weight, but he somehow managed to keep them from shaking as he casted a silencing charm. Severus didn't want the sounds of Lupin's change that was only a few hours away to wake up Harry.
"I hate to do this, since I'm confident Remus will sleep until he changes back, but just to be safe…" Madam Pomfrey said quietly. She pointed her wand at Lupin, and a corporeal form of a harness appeared around the sleeping wolf's shoulders and chest before it faded away. "It's a binding charm for magical creatures. It's to keep Remus safe in bed."
Severus nodded. "I'm sure he'll understand… Especially with Harry sleeping so close by."
And at the thought of his son, Severus took one last look at the unconscious werewolf all bandaged up, before leaving the room. Madam Pomfrey followed after him, locking and warding the door behind her.
It was just another safety precaution, Severus thought with a bit of guilt. Severus was sure Lupin would understand if he should ever find out.
Then all thoughts of Lupin left Severus' mind when he caught sight of Harry again, nestled into the sheets and covers of his hospital bed. Severus quietly made his way towards him, sitting on the edge of his bed with care to not jostle him awake.
Severus studied Harry's sleeping face which was now clear of bruises. His nose wasn't broken anymore. The only things he still had were the bandaged up scratches on his cheeks and the bandages wrapped around his head. The scent of bruising balm was heavy in the air. Severus turned over Harry's hand and saw that the chafed-up skin of his wrist from the metal cuffs were thankfully healed without a single blemish left behind.
Severus tried not to think how scared Harry must've been being held and beaten by Greyback so close to the rising full-moon, the memories of his past it might've triggered. And guilt just pooled heavily into Severus' stomach. He should've never taken his eyes off Harry at the joke shop, knowing the trouble he was known to get into for the past five years.
Severus had promised Harry that no more harm like that would ever befall him as long as he was around, and he'd failed….
Perhaps, it was foolish of Severus to make such a promise, especially with Harry who was destined as the Chosen One to defeat the Dark Lord. Of course there were going to be more instances like that happening until the Dark Lord was defeated.
The only thing Severus could do was to make sure Harry was strong and able to protect himself. That meant extra defense and Occlumency lessons. Maybe it would be a good idea to restart Harry's Defense Club he had last school year.
And maybe, I should start doing mental health checks more often… Friday dinners during term perhaps, to keep track of his mental health….
Hopefully this whole ordeal with Greyback wasn't going to send Harry back to that deep, depressive state he was in at the beginning of the summer.
Severus sighed deeply with worry. He could see the stress in Harry's sleeping face. He looked tense, as if he were trapped in nightmares. Severus squeezed Harry's hand, hoping his son could somehow feel it and know that he was safe, and that Severus was there at his side so he could rest easier.
"Harry was just a bit banged up. I was able to heal most of his injuries, the bruises on his face and his broken nose. The wound on his head is closed up, but just a bit tender still. It needs more time to heal after a blow like that. The scratches on his cheek are going to take longer as well, since it was done so close to the full-moon by a werewolf," Madam Pomfrey said, appearing at Harry's bedside. She handed Severus a small vial of Dreamless Sleep Potion and a small silver tin. "If he wakes with nightmares just give him a drop of this. And the balm should help the scarring go away over time."
Severus took the items and stored them into the pocket of his vest. Panic had suddenly overtaken Severus' guilt and worry. Holding his lungs in a tight constricting bind, the same feeling Severus had felt the whole time Harry was missing.
"Greyback clawed him up just before the full-moon… That won't affect Harry in any way, would it?" he asked.
"No," Madam Pomfrey answered. "As long as he wasn't bitten or clawed up during the full-moon while Greyback was in werewolf form, Harry will be fine."
"And you've checked for any wounds of that sort? I didn't see anything myself when I had briefly assessed his injuries in the cellar."
"Yes, of course I've checked. Harry's okay, Severus. You can breathe now, you know… And you can rest. Why don't you lay in the next bed and get some sleep? Do you have any injuries you need me to look at?"
At Madam Pomfrey's quiet and gentle reassurance, the panic in Severus was now fading away with relief at the matron's words that his son was truly going to be okay. The tight band around his lungs loosened, and Severus found that he could breathe again.
"I'm okay," Severus said. He was indeed starting to feel the heaviness of exhaustion seeping into his muscles. The offer of sleep suddenly seemed so very tempting to take, but there was one more thing he had to do. And Severus really didn't want to leave Harry again, but now that his panic was gone, questions were racing through Severus' mind. Questions that would only keep him up.
"Thank you for everything, Poppy… And I'll take up your offer on sleeping here… I just need to do one more thing first..."
.
.
So it seemed like Greyback was the one who was behind the attack on Harry at the Burrow, but how did he get past the wards? There was no way he'd planned all of this on his own. There was no way his plan had gone that far before it failed. He had to have help, someone who was stronger than him with magic. Someone who had knowledge of their side. And Severus knew that Narcissa had somehow played a part in this, but he didn't know how or why. She was the only suspect. Severus never believed her switched loyalties for a second! She had to be the suspected spy! Severus needed answers. Albus had the same suspicions and had ordered Severus to talk to Narcissa as soon as possible… And Severus decided that he might as well go and get the truth out of her and end it, that way he could rest in peace for once….
Severus showed himself to the disgruntled Order guards that were standing at the perimeter of the wards protecting the safe-house Narcissa and Draco were staying at. They eyed him suspiciously, but Severus didn't waste time on explaining why he was there. They could mistrust him all they wanted, he didn't bloody care what they thought. He was only following Albus' orders. And he knew it was late, it had to be hours after midnight by now, but Severus didn't care about that either.
Severus knocked on the door and found himself being let in by a Hogwarts elf. Albus had accommodated Narcissa well… Severus thought with great annoyance. Or perhaps, it was there to spy on her? Severus hoped that was the reason.
He stood in front of the fireplace, waiting for the house-elf to wake up Narcissa and to alert her of his arrival. Severus was trying his best to reign in his anger, to keep his mask on, giving away nothing. Narcissa had a hand in this, Severus knew she did… And after everything Albus had done for her safety and Draco's….
"Severus?"
Severus turned around to find Draco standing by the stairs, dressed in his pajamas.
"Draco, I've expected you to be asleep at this hour," Severus said, studying his godson for any sign of him possibly knowing anything that had happened the last twenty-four hours. For any sign of him knowing what his mother was up to. And of course, Severus didn't see anything. Narcissa was always a master of keeping her secrets close to herself and buried.
"I couldn't sleep… I came down for some tea…"
"Why can't you sleep?"
Draco shook his head. Refusing to answer.
And why is that? Severus wondered.
"Why are you here, Severus?"
Severus was taken aback by the assertive question from Draco. He almost snapped back at the blonde teenager who was waiting for an answer, about to say he should show more respect towards his professor and godfather.
But then, Severus realized he just got his confirmation that Draco really didn't know that Harry had been held captive by Greyback, and that there was a big possibility that his mother was involved.
Severus considered telling Draco, because he had a right to know, no matter how disrespectful or nosey he could be at times. His mother was involved in this, and whatever consequences laid in store for Narcissa may affect Draco too.
It was at the tip of Severus' tongue.
The silence stretched between them.
The cackling flames and the sounds of the night animals of the forest that surrounded the safe-house, were the only things that were heard.
Severus couldn't do it. It would only hurt and stress Draco out even more than he already seemed to be. Severus' godson had enough on his plate already. The task, his father's arrest, and being away from home. Destined to become a Death Eater without a choice. Being stuck on the wrong side of the war. And then to find out about his mother being responsible for his friend's kidnapping and almost being bit by a werewolf… A best friend Draco was forced to give up.
And it was all Narcissa's and Lucius' fault that Draco was so deep into this mess with the Dark Lord to begin with. Severus just couldn't add more to that long list. Even though Draco was almost of age, almost old enough to make his own decisions… He was still just a boy… And Severus suddenly missed how carefree, innocent and young his godson used to be…The boy who used to call him papa when he was a young child because he couldn't pronounce Severus' name.
"I've come to speak to your mother," Severus finally decided to say.
He observed the dark circles under Draco's eyes. His skin was looking paler than usual. And Severus suddenly remembered the incident in the robe shop that seemed so long ago now. The way Draco jumped when Madam Malkin was too close to his forearm.
Could he have really gotten the Dark Mark already? Was it too late for Draco? Was Severus losing his godson to the darkness? This boy standing in this room, glaring at Severus, being so short and assertive, this wasn't the boy he knew. This version of Draco was different, harder, distant… An outcome of being forced to grow up too fast.
"About what?"
"Tell me why you can't sleep," Severus demanded, ignoring Draco's question.
Draco didn't answer. His blue-grey eyes were cold, despite the warmth of the room provided by the cackling fireplace.
"It's your task… It's weighing you down, isn't it?"
Draco scowled at Severus' observation.
"Silencio!" Severus hissed under his breath. The Silencing Charm went up, preventing any eavesdropping from Narcissa who should be arriving any moment.
Draco only continued to glare defiantly, as if he knew what Severus was about to ask him.
He has the mark! Why else would Draco change so drastically? When it was just the task he had to worry about, he wasn't this cold, this closed off. The Dark Mark changes people… He has to have it… My dear godson… And the echo of Draco's childhood voice papa rang in Severus' ears. His heart broke, the pieces shattering to the floor.
"Show me your arm," Severus commanded, revealing none of the pain and loss he was feeling inside.
"No," Draco said.
"Draco!" Severus shouted, losing patience, only because he feared for his godson's life, his future. Draco gave it all away as soon as he'd let the Dark Lord etch his insidious symbol onto his skin.
Draco stepped back. "I don't have to take orders from you. I'm not staying with you anymore. I'm almost of age!"
"You're fucking sixteen! And I'm still your godfather! Your parents may think this is best for you, but I sure as hell don't! They allowing you, pressuring you to join the Dark Lord's ranks, only to save their own precious hides, is fucking dangerous and selfish! And I won't stand by silently. It's not too late for you, Draco. You don't have to do this. Not for them, even if they're your parents. They made their choices, and now it's time you make your own without their influence. You need to put yourself first and ask yourself, if this is what you really want?"
"Fuck off, Snape, this is exactly what I want. And I don't need your help!"
And Severus wanted to scream with frustration at Draco's cold disrespect and unbreakable stubbornness.
"Draco, I have no ill-intentions. I'm only looking out for you."
"I said I don't need you! I have it all under control!"
"Then why can't you sleep? Those bags under your eyes are proof enough for me of your sleepless nights."
Draco scowled and looked away, not answering Severus.
"I'm just asking you to consider your options. You don't have to do the task. You can stay at Hogwarts with me and Harry. The Dark Lord can't touch you there. I'll even vouch for you to him, I'll take the consequences of your betrayal. And if you don't want to do that, then at least let me help you with the task. You don't have to do it on your own."
"And if I become a traitor, what about my family? He's going to kill them."
"We can keep them safe here, under the Fidelius Charm. Just consider it, Draco. It doesn't have to be this way for you. You don't have to be stuck on the other side. You can stay safe with Harry. You know he misses you."
And at the mention of Harry, the cold front Draco was holding up against Severus, broke.
Draco wrapped his arms around himself, as if to protect himself during his sudden vulnerability. "I miss him too," he only whispered.
Draco's blue-grey eyes suddenly became bright. And his voice was so soft, so low, just barely a whisper. Perhaps, Draco hadn't meant to reveal that part of him. But Severus heard him clearly. The words were spoken. They hung in the air. The emotions behind it, the longing and hurt, could all be felt in the room, chasing away Draco's coldness. And Severus finally saw a glimpse of his godson. Not all hope was lost. Severus wasn't going to give up fighting for him, to get him to see reason and accept help or forfeit the task altogether.
"No… Giving up on the task isn't an option for me."
Severus inched closer to his godson, who still held himself with his head bowed down.
"Then just tell me what you've planned so far, so I can help you... You don't have to do it alone. Remember, I've already promised you I'll take the consequences if you fail… What do you have to lose at this point?" Severus said.
With those words, Draco snapped his head back up and his eyes were cold and hard once again. And Severus lost sight of his godson.
"And I've never asked for you to do that! You're the one who made that bargain with me so I wouldn't spill the beans about Harry living with you to my mother. I don't need you to stick your neck out for me. I have to be the one to do this. It's my turn to prove myself that I'm worth something! And that won't happen if I let you do the task for me. It's my time, not yours! You already have his approval. I have to earn mine, and if I don't, he's going to kill my parents and me! And I can't let that happen, just because I've decided to be a cowardly little kid who went crying to their godfather! That deal is fucking off!"
"Draco!"
Draco's voice shook from his outburst. "Don't worry, I'll never reveal the truth about you and Harry to anyone. I'll take it to my grave, in order to keep him safe. And I know your loyalty has changed, Severus. It's not truly to the Dark Lord anymore. I started to see that when I've lived with you. And I've tried to ignore it, afraid to believe it… The Dark Lord's most trusted spy and a close friend to my parents, someone they believe is true to their cause… But I see the truth you've been hiding from all of them… Your loyalty's to Harry. That's why I'm keeping quiet about it, even if this information could possibly save me from this hell, but I won't… I can't do that to my best friend."
You're absolutely right… Severus wanted to say, but he didn't dare confirm Draco's beliefs on his true loyalties.
"It's dangerous to talk like that. You know that very well, godson," was all Severus said.
Draco just shook his head. "Maybe...it's better that you don't admit that I'm right…"
And Severus didn't know what to say in return.
For once, he was at a loss for words. Severus was shocked to be seeing Draco so cold and stubborn like this. And he wished there was some way to make Draco see that he didn't have to walk down this dark path set by the Dark Lord, and the expectations of his parents. The task was indeed already changing him.
And what would Draco be like once he's completed it? His task was to kill Albus Dumbledore. The very exact task Albus had given to Severus.
And now that Draco was refusing any interference or guidance from him, Severus resigned to the fact that he was going to have to keep very close tabs on Draco for now on, so that he wouldn't complete his task before Severus. Other than that, there was nothing Severus could say anymore to his godson to get him to step off the path. The darkness was surrounding Draco to the point where Severus could no longer see him, and guilt seared through Severus as he thought of the consequences this task would bring them. It would be the end of everything….
Draco moved towards the kitchen, signaling an end to their conversation.
"I thank you for the summer, Severus. It pulled me away from the chaos, the nightmare that has become my life now. It reminded me of what it's like to just be a normal teenager, it allowed me to experience having a true friend like Harry… Even if we're on opposite sides of the war… I was just able to forget it all for a little while," Draco said with his voice full of melancholy and a hint of wisteria. "You really can't help me now. Don't even try anymore. I won't accept it."
"Draco, I've made an Unbreakable Vow to your mother that I'll keep you safe as you full-fill the task, even stepping in if you should fail."
Draco huffed at the interference of his mother as Severus continued speaking.
"But I'm telling you now that doesn't matter. I'm not offering my help because of Unbreakable Vows or stealing your glory, I'm offering my help because I truly want you to accept it. I don't want you in any danger. I don't even want you to do this task, you're my godson and I love you. You'll always have a place with me and Harry. Just know that… No matter how much you deny my help, I'm never going to stop offering it to you. My door's always going to be open if you should ever change your mind. No matter what happens during the year, come to me if anything. Do you understand that?"
"I do understand, but I won't take up your offer. Believe me, I won't." Draco went into the kitchen, closing the door behind him.
And Severus was left alone in the living room, feeling empty, feeling defeated. Wishing more than ever that his godson wasn't put in this situation. That Draco wasn't so stubborn and prideful, and could just accept Severus' help.
I'm not letting you go that easily… Someone has to fight for you… And it's going to be me, godson….
As Severus waited for Narcissa to arrive, he began to put up a few wards alongside the Silencing Charm to keep Draco in the kitchen while he and Narcissa spoke. Severus didn't want Draco walking in and overhearing what had happened to Harry.
"Severus? For what do I owe for your sudden company?" Narcissa asked cooley as she climbed down the stairs. She was dressed in shimmering silver night robes that trailed down to the floor. Her long, blonde hair was falling past her shoulders, ending just below her waist. And Severus thought Narcissa was still as beautiful and venomous as ever before.
"I believe you may be curious with how the night turned out?" Severus asked with his voice controlled from revealing any hint of emotion. He watched Narcissa take the last few steps then stopped just an arm-length away from him.
Severus was still standing in front of the fireplace. The heat of the flames warmed his back. He kept a firm grip on his wand from underneath his robes as Narcissa studied him with calculating blue eyes. She was indeed a venomous flower, one that Severus never trusted.
"Whatever are you implying, Severus?" Narcissa asked, her voice ringing in the tense and silent room.
"You know perfectly well what I'm implying!" Severus hissed, losing all patience and subtly. "Potter was kidnapped the night before. I believe you had a hand with this, did you not? How could you do something so foolish? Didn't the Dark Lord order us to not touch a single hair on Potter's head? The boy's his to deal with, I'm supposed to bring him to the Dark Lord when he calls. Plus, I had to work harder to make sure Dumbledore believes I'm still on his side! All because of this foolishness you're up to, scheming with something as inferior as Fenrir Greyback! I thought it was beneath you to work with such scum!"
"What are you talking about, my dear Severus? Do you really believe I would scheme with a werewolf, a beast that shouldn't be fit to bear a wand? And why are you so upset about Potter being kidnapped? Why would you care if the brat turned up dead or worse, a werewolf? He's been in your care, hasn't he? Don't tell me you have grown to lo…"
And before she could finish that sentence, Severus had his wand out and pointed straight at her cold and empty heart."Don't you dare play games with me!" he threatened. "Drop your wand to the floor, now!"
Narcissa glared at him, holding out her wand. Before she could do anything, Severus summoned it to his waiting hand. He just knew this woman had played a part in helping Greyback abduct Harry! And Severus was going to force the confession out of her, even if it took all fucking night! Even if it took threatening her very life! Lucius wasn't here to protect her!
"Greyback took Potter for his vendetta against Lupin! But how did he manage it? That's my question! We both know his magical core isn't as powerful enough to pull off strong wards like that! He couldn't have done it alone! A savage beast of a werewolf, hardly human, incapable of performing any magic that's no higher than a fifth year! You were the only Death Eater in the castle this summer, the only one powerful and likely enough to help him! Why didn't you tell me about these plans? Are we not supposed to be on the same fucking side? I've never believed for a second you switched loyalties! I'm the fucking godfather of your kid, Narcissa!"
"Threaten me all you want, Severus. It won't change a thing. The other Death Eaters all know you're going soft. They sense the anger and mistrust the Dark Lord feels towards you. Albus Dumbledore, the old fool, was stupid to believe my story…"
With those words Severus stepped closer, so that the tip of his wand touched Narcissa' chest. He stood over her, glaring into her eyes. She glared back at him with so much poisonous hatred. Severus was finally seeing who she was after so many years.
"You have two choices. Reveal to me everything willingly or I'll do it by force," Severus said softly, slowly, with his voice promising danger.
"The Dark Lord summoned me to him. I was afraid he was going to punish me greatly for Lucius' failure at the Ministry, and he did… Then he stopped and made a bargain with me. That he'll spare my life if I complete a task for him…"
"And what was this task?"
Narcissa smiled coyly. It was very brave of her to do so with the tip of Severus' wand pointing straight into her chest, with nothing but flesh and bone protecting her cold beating heart.
"Patience, little Severus… Now tell me, are we truly on the same side? Why do you think I've pretended to switch loyalties? Have you wondered why the Dark Lord questioned you about my whereabouts and punished you for your lies? It was a test of loyalty that you failed! You're lucky he's giving you a second chance! You see, Greyback and I were never going to kill the boy. Sure, he'll end up a disgusting werewolf, but he's still alive enough for you to bring him to the next meeting."
"Just tell me the role you've played in this!" Severus pressed his wand against Narcissa even harder, and he saw the flash of pain in her eyes. She wasn't as subtle and coy as she thought she was being. "I'll press harder if you don't tell me now. I know a good spell that can change the tip of my wand into a blade."
"The Dark Lord wanted me to watch you!" Narcissa spat. "Sometime over the past few months he had sensed something changed in you. He was afraid that his most trusted servant might not be so loyal to him after all… So in exchange for mine and Draco's safety, I agreed… I was to go to Dumbledore. To tell him my life was in danger, that I was tortured greatly for Lucius' failure. That it made me see the error of my ways, and I was willing to switch loyalties for Dumbledore's protection!"
"Does Draco know of this?"
"No, I only told him this was just to station him closer to Dumbledore to help him complete his task. I've ordered him to keep quiet if anyone should ask. The Unbreakable Vow was an added bonus for me. No matter what happens, loyal to the Dark Lord or not, you still have to kill Dumbledore… Not my son."
"And how does Greyback tie into all this?"
Narcissa glared at Severus, her face twisted with hatred. "I couldn't figure out how to spy on you when Dumbledore kept me locked up in that room. Then Pettigrew came to me with a message from the Dark Lord. He was our little messenger rat, hideous little thing doesn't set off the wards. Then one night he came to me with a message from not the Dark Lord, but from Fenrir Greyback. He told me how you claimed to the Dark Lord that Remus Lupin was dead, which I in fact happened to know he was very much alive. This was finally something to report to the Dark Lord and I can finally go back home. Greyback had the idea to use Pettigrew to follow you and Lupin around. And the secrets he'd found… We were rewarded greatly! Greyback had gained permission to use Potter to lure Lupin away, as long as he didn't kill the boy… And I was granted a safe return home once all of this was over, spared from being killed because of Lucius."
"And those wards, the ones that surrounded the camp, were they your doing?"
"No, that was all Greyback. Surprisingly, the wretched beast is very talented with that sort of magic. The only thing I provided was the portkey. I couldn't do much with Dumbledore's guards keeping watch over me… Oh, how the Dark Lord's angry at you now, Severus Snape, his most trusted servant isn't so trustworthy after all! How are you going to explain yourself this time?"
Narcissa's words sent chills down Severus' spine.
"I'll give you another chance to make up for your disloyalty. Next time I call you, bring me Potter."
Severus chased his bone-chilling fear away. He couldn't let Narcissa get to him right now. He brought his face closer to her's. She matched him with defiance in her blue eyes. Even though Severus' wand was still stabbing her painfully in the chest, she kept up her posture, refusing to back down, refusing to show any weakness.
"You would really betray me like this? Narcissa? I'm the closest friend your husband has, enough to be named godfather to your only son. Why didn't you vouch for me? You would really betray me so easily like this?" Severus asked, his voice so low. It was hardly more than a whisper. He couldn't believe he had once admired this woman.
"Exactly, a friend to only my husband. I've never liked you, Severus Snape! You were always that slimy little first year always trailing behind Lucius! Expect to be summoned by the Dark Lord very soon. He's waiting for you, Severus, waiting to prove your loyalty. He still holds you up on a very high pedestal, which I'll never understand why! So, don't worry, he won't kill you yet… Especially since you may have one more final test to complete… I bounded you with the Unbreakable Vow… Murder Albus Dumbledore and prove your loyalty or the Dark Lord will be sure to kill you before the vow does!"
Severus shouted out in rage, pushing Narcissa away from him. She only laughed, looking more like her deranged sister, Bellatrix Lestrange, more than ever before.
Severus kept his wand pointed at her head this time, wondering if he should just curse her or wipe the memory of their conversation, because Severus knew that as soon as he leaves, Narcissa was going straight to the Dark Lord, reestablishing her place at his side. Telling the Dark Lord how Severus threatened her for information, giving more reason to make the Dark Lord question Severus' loyalty.
But did it really matter if she told him this? The Dark Lord already had all the information he needed.
I could kill her… a dark thought entered Severus' mind. The Dark Lord was always easily pleased with death. Bringing back Narcissa's cold and lifeless body may be the answer to regaining the Dark Lord's trust again. Severus could make up an elaborate lie with false images of Narcissa setting Severus up… It could fix everything… But he couldn't do it… She was Draco's mother… Lucius' wife….
Severus tossed her wand at a still laughing Narcissa. It landed somewhere underneath the coffee table. He had no more to say to her. He got what he needed. Severus turned around and left the house, slamming the door as hard as he could.
.
.
Not long after, Severus reentered the hospital wing, finally ready to just sink into a bed and forget everything in the heavy blissfulness of sleep. He found folded-up hospital pajamas and a toothbrush on the foot of the bed next to Harry's. Silently thanking Madam Pomfrey for her thoughtfulness, Severus took them and went to the bathroom.
Severus' reflection in the mirror looked ghastly. His hair was a tangled mess. His skin was so pale that the circles underneath his eyes stood out so vividly, he looked like the walking dead. Severus sighed out with exhaustion, rinsing his face with the cool water. He carefully kept all thoughts of Narcissa and the Dark Lord away. He'll deal with all of that tomorrow when he speaks to Albus. Right now, Severus just wanted to be close to his kid and get some sleep.
Just as Severus left the bathroom and was walking towards his bed, about to check in on Harry one more time before finally turning in for the night, Madam Pomfrey suddenly came out from the door of her quarters and began to take the wards off of Lupin's door. Severus was taken aback by her sudden appearance. He hadn't realized how late the night had gotten, to the point that it was now early dawn.
Severus made his way towards her.
"Severus, you're back?" Madam Pomfrey only said as Severus helped her take down the wards.
Severus nodded. "I'm guessing Lupin has completed his change?"
"Yes, but you look like you need some sleep. Go to bed, I can take care of him."
"Nonsense, Poppy. You need sleep as well."
"In that case can you finish taking down the wards while I get some supplies?"
"Of course," Severus said.
Once the last ward was down, Severus opened the door to find a naked and shivering Remus Lupin on the bed. He immediately averted his eyes away and quickly summoned the blanket that had been tossed to the floor to cover up Lupin's midsection. He then made his way over to the bed, assessing the reopened wounds that were bleeding into the white sheets.
Lupin's eyes were bloodshot and glazed with exhaustion. His face was even more deathly pale than Severus' own and twisted from the intense pain of his change and the reopened wounds.
And Severus didn't know what to say to Lupin who was laying in so much pain, bloody and wounded, who'd fought almost to the death with Greyback to protect Severus and Harry from getting attacked.
Remus Lupin… The very person who Severus had once hated so very much, to the point where his hatred had turned into an obsession when they were at school. Remus Lupin, the focal point of Severus' decade old grudge of the Marauders nearly killing him. And somehow, during the past month, all of that had begun to change. Now, that grudge was meaningless. The hatred had somehow turned into infatuation. Somehow, Severus was enchanted by dreams of Remus Lupin, spending so many sleepless nights battling with himself on his growing feelings on an old enemy who Severus never thought he would once feel this way towards.
And all the bitterness, all the anger that Severus had felt towards Lupin during the past few weeks, all faded away. So what if Lupin still loved Sirius Black… Black wasn't alive anymore to take Lupin away. Severus could wait like he had waited for Lily… He could do it again. And Severus was suddenly okay with the idea of just being friends with Lupin for now. It was better than the tension that had settled itself between them lately. Anything was better than that... Severus would rather be friends with Remus Lupin than nothing at all.
When those thoughts passed through Severus' mind, golden-flecked eyes met his own dark eyes.
And suddenly the world was spinning, making Severus' stomach flip inside him with nerves. His heart skipped several beats, and he was suddenly holding his breath.
How in Merlin was Severus going to ignore these feelings if this was how his body reacted everytime he met those golden and green-hazel eyes? And it was all just a moment….
A heartstopping moment….
And Severus wondered if Remus knew what he was doing to him. Was there even a chance that he might be feeling the same way? Severus was sure he had felt it in their kiss….
Madam Pomfrey suddenly came in, pulling Severus out of his daze. She placed a tray full of potions and bandages on a table and quickly set to work.
"Lupin," Severus said softly once he'd pulled himself together.
"I've had worse…" Remus muttered with a hoarse voice that was full of pain, as if it was hurting him to talk. Madam Pomfrey started working on the huge gash on his leg, the worst of the reopened wounds.
"I don't know how I could ever repay you for fighting the way you did. I couldn't have gotten Harry out of there without you…"
"There's no need to thank me… I'll do it again in a heartbeat…" Remus gasped out as Madam Pomfrey wrapped up his leg, propping it up on a pillow.
"Well…you were amazing… Do you know that?" Severus couldn't help but say in return. His hands were trembling from revealing so much, suddenly very aware that they weren't the only ones in the room anymore, but Severus trusted Madam Pomfrey to not reveal their conversation to anyone.
Remus closed his eyes, breathing heavily through his nose as Madam Pomfrey began to work on the wounds on his neck and shoulder, cleaning and bandaging them up. And once he was able to speak again, Remus said teasingly, "Is that Severus Snape giving me a compliment? Do you hear that, Poppy? And all this time I thought he still hated me…"
Severus felt his blood rushing through him, making his cheeks red. And those words stabbed at Severus' heart, causing him to feel a deep shame for the hurtful things he had thrown at Remus. Those words were never true… Severus never despised Remus… He was just caught up with his emotions at the time. Confused with what he was feeling… What he wanted… Not sure what to do with the thing growing between them… And he couldn't understand why Remus was choosing a dead person over him when it was clear he was interested in Severus as well… Angry at the fact that Sirius Black still had a claim over Remus' heart….
"I certainly did, now that's enough talking out of you. You need to rest," Madam Pomfrey said as she finished bandaging up Remus' neck, then gave him a goblet filled with Pain Potion and Dreamless Sleep.
As Severus watched Remus start to sink into sleep, he said softly and bashfully, "Lupin… I don't hate you…"
It was so quiet. Severus wondered if Remus heard him. The only sounds were the rustlings from Madam Pomfrey as she tended to Remus. Making sure his wounds were securely wrapped and covering him up with blankets to keep him warm. Severus' cheeks reddened even more knowing she was witnessing this scene between himself and Remus.
"Then start calling me Remus…" Remus finally answered back. His voice was so soft and low that Severus barely caught it.
Then Remus was asleep. His breathing had deepened and his face was finally free of pain.
And after that small exchange between them, Severus knew without a doubt that he was willing to wait until the end of time for Remus Lupin to be ready to fall in love with him. Because Severus felt it in the kiss they'd shared, that he had a chance this time, a chance Lily Potter never gave him. Severus knew deep down that this time it could be different… It gave him hope.
And he was in danger of falling in love again… And Merlin… Severus was deeply afraid, but he couldn't stop it… It was too late for him.
Falling in love with Lily Potter had changed Severus forever. Her rejection and distance had broken him. Her death had killed him. And her son had brought him back to life… But Severus was still picking up the pieces… And maybe, just maybe, this thing with Remus Lupin might change Severus again. This time for the better. Maybe enough to make Severus whole again.
"Severus, go get some rest," Madame Pomfrey said, breaking the silence.
"Is he going to be okay?" Severus only asked, his eyes still on Remus' sleeping face.
"He just needs to rest. The wounds will take a few days to close up and heal. They'll leave scars, but it could've been worse. Remus has had worse full-moons, believe it or not."
Severus didn't say anything in return, he was still lost in his thoughts.
"You're kinder towards Remus now," Madam Pomfrey said. It wasn't a question Severus had to answer. And her words hung in the air.
"Severus, I won't say it again. Go get some sleep. You really do look dead on your feet. Harry will need you when he wakes soon."
Severus decided to listen to her orders without any complaint. She was right of course. He left the room, shocked to find the hospital wing colored with grey light that was slowly becoming brighter. Severus pointed his wand at the windows, closing the heavy white curtains.
And just when Severus was about to settle into his bed beside Harry's own, Harry suddenly moved in his sleep, muttering incoherent words, then turned over again. The blankets were twisted around him, as if he'd been tossing and turning in his sleep while Severus had been away.
Severus sat on the edge of Harry's bed, causing it to dip a bit from his weight. He placed his hand on Harry's shoulder, nudging him awake.
"Wake up, son. It's only a nightmare," Severus muttered. He wanted to wake Harry up just so he could see that he was safe, and that Severus was there beside him, that Remus was just in the next room. That he wasn't alone and in danger anymore. Then Harry could perhaps go back to sleep without any more nightmares.
After a bit more coaxing from Severus, Harry finally opened his bloodshot eyes. "Dad?" he mumbled with confusion.
"I'm here, kid. You're safe now." Severus pulled out the vial of Dreamless Sleep out of his pocket. He raised it to Harry's lips. "Drink this, it'll help you sleep better."
"Stay with me…"
"Budge over then, will you?" Severus said, easily giving in to Harry's simple request.
Harry moved over, making enough space for Severus to lay beside him on the small hospital bed. Harry then curled up next to Severus, instantly falling back to sleep from the effects of the potion.
Severus pulled the covers over himself and his sleeping son. Knowing that Harry was finally having a peaceful sleep, that Remus was okay. That Severus had done what he could to reach Draco, letting him know that Severus was there if he needed help. And that he'd even managed to get answers from Narcissa… There was nothing left to be done now, except sleep… Fatigue and exhaustion was suddenly hitting Severus hard, making him feel dizzy as if the bed were swaying until he finally fell into a deep sleep.
.
.
Severus woke an hour later to pain that shot up through his arm.
"No…" Severus muttered under his breath, opening his eyes. His vision blurred and his head pounding. The Dark Mark suddenly grew clear on his arm. It was practically pulsating as if it had its own heart beat, calling him to the Dark Lord's side. It was the call Severus had been dreading.
The Dark Lord's hissing voice rang in his memory, The next time I call for you, have Potter or it'll be your life! bringing back the cold terror Severus felt during that torturous night.
He wants me to bring Harry now!
Narcissa must had told him their conversation. The Dark Lord knows Severus had betrayed him by interfering with Greyback's plan. Betrayed him in the way Severus confronted and threatened Narcissa. And the only way he'll be welcomed back with proven loyalty was to bring Harry.
Fuck the Dark Lord! Severus snarled to himself. Fuck Albus Dumbldore and his stupid war!
Severus ignored the call. It made the pain a hundred times worse, as if the Dark Mark could sense his rebellion.
And suddenly the pain grew so intense, as if his arm was on fire. The pain began to spread up to his chest, his lungs, his beating heart, it caused Severus to writhe in agony. And for another wrenching heartstopping moment in which he couldn't breathe for all the wrong reasons… Severus held in his screams….
The world was suddenly dark and all the stars had gone out. There was only pain and heat. There was only the tight pressure in his chest. Severus felt like this burning mass of energy just floating in darkness, and suddenly he felt Harry sleeping beside him. The Dreamless Sleep Potion was keeping him from waking from all of Severus' thrashing about.
With tears running down Severus' cheeks, he finally let out a breath that had never felt so good. He pulled his sleeping son close to him. Harry anchored Severus down, bringing him back to the light and the world which was suddenly just a blurry mess now, no longer pitch-black. The only thing that kept Severus from losing his sanity was the knowledge that his son was there with him, sleeping at the moment, and when he awoke, Harry would need him. And Severus closed his eyes until he fell back to sleep or he passed out from the never-ending pain.