Already Home

by Chase'sGirl19

Harry takes the death of his Godfather very hard to the point where Petunia has no choice but to contact Dumbledore for help. Dumbledore sends Snape to check on Harry and finds that the boy is not only depressed but suicidal and abused. Meanwhile Remus Lupin goes missing from his mission for the Order. SeverusXRemus and HarryXGinny shippings Mentions of cutting, suicide, and abuse

31. Chapter 31 Take Your Time

Chapter Thirty-One Take Your Time

A warm breeze hit Harry in the face as soon as he appeared to the surprise destination Severus had taken him to.

The ground underneath the soles of his shoes felt soft. A roaring sound along with screaming birds filled his ears and he could feel the warmth of the sun shining down on him. Curious to see where he was, Harry opened his eyes to a blue horizon with nothing but sparkling-blue water as far as he could see.

Besides him, Severus pocketed the portkey they had used as Harry gaped at the view.

There wasn't a cloud in sight. The bright-yellow sun was climbing up the horizon, promising a warmer day. Harry inhaled, taking a breath, catching the salty scents of the breeze.

Is this? Harry wondered. The ocean? He didn't wait for any signal from Severus to go ahead. He immediately ran down to the shore, lost in a state of awe.

It was the morning before September 1st.

Madam Pomfrey had finally released Harry from the hospital wing the night before with orders for him to relax on the last day of the summer holidays and under no circumstances, no strenuous activities.

That very morning, Severus had woken Harry up, telling him to dress in his swim shorts and that he had a surprise for him. It seemed as if Severus hadn't taken Madam Pomfrey's orders of bedrest very seriously. Harry was curious enough to not remind him of them.

During a quick breakfast, Harry tried to get any sort of hint for what the surprise might be but Severus wouldn't give in. And so, Harry had given up, assuming they were going back to the lake at the Forest of Dean for a day of swimming or perhaps down to the Black Lake to spend time with the giant squid, but Harry never thought that Severus' surprise would be the beach! He was at the bloody beach!

Harry had never seen the ocean like this before. With the sun shining down, casting its rays on the water and sand, making everything glitter. The only time he'd seen the ocean was when Uncle Vernon tried running away from Harry's first Hogwarts letter. Dragging them all to an old lighthouse. The ocean was cold and dark and raging from the storm that night….

When the Dursleys went away to the beach every summer, in the early dawn Harry would watch them pack up the car with umbrellas, lounge chairs, towels and baskets full of food and drinks. Aunt Petunia would pack up all of Dudley's favorite treats. Dudley would take toys for the sand, brightly-colored buckets and shovels. And they would be gone for hours, leaving Harry at the mercy of Mrs. Figg and all of her cats.

Then the Dursleys would pick Harry up well after dark, smelling of coconut-scented sun lotion and of the sea. Dudley would be passed out in the back seat, pink from the sun with aloe rubbed onto his skin, and Uncle Vernon complaining about the sand in his car. Harry would then have to unload the car by himself while the Dursleys settled themselves inside the house.

As he took everything out, shaking off the sand then placing all the chairs and umbrellas and beach toys in the garage, neatly and in their marked spots because Aunt Petunia always checked and would throw a fit if a single item was out of place, Harry would wonder what it would be like to go with them one day. What would it be like to sit besides Dudley and play in the sand with his buckets and shovels? What would it be like to sit underneath the umbrellas and enjoy his favorite snacks? To feel the sand spilling between his fingers and to feel the water touch his toes… To be a part of their family, enjoying a summer day on the beach… Never getting left behind. When he was a young kid, Harry had only ever seen the ocean on television a couple of times, but never did he think he would see it like this in person. And it was way bigger, way more beautiful, way more wild and freeing than he'd ever imagined it to be.

And so lost in his thoughts and in his admiration of the ocean, Harry hadn't heard Severus following behind him.

Harry flinched a bit at the sound of his voice.

"It's beautiful, isn't it?" Severus said with a huff of amusement at Harry's reaction to seeing the ocean for the first time.

And Harry was grateful that Severus didn't acknowledge his flinch. He turned his gaze towards his dad, even though it was hard to take his eyes off of the horizon.

"We're having a beach day?" Harry could only ask with a smile.

Severus smiled back at him with laughter dancing in his dark eyes. Never again would they look down at Harry so cold and full of hate. "I've promised you one, didn't I?"

Harry remembered. It was during their camping trip, when they were playing that two lies and one truth game.

"You still owe me a bag of marshmallows," Severus smirked.

"No, I think we need a rematch!" Harry laughed.

"Fine, the loser owes the winner two bags of marshmallows."

"Severus, you don't even like them!"

"Worried I'll beat you again?"

"No," Harry huffed.

Severus laughed as he held out a small black bag. "Come on, help me set up camp."

Severus was dressed in black swimming shorts and a dark-gray shirt, showing off his pale legs and arms. His dark shoulder-length hair was pulled into a low ponytail. And it didn't phase Harry at all to see him dressed in this way. He was used to seeing Severus dressed in something other than his heavy dark robes now. And maybe the sun might give Severus a nice tan, and with that last thought of his, Harry looked down at his own pale hands. Maybe he could do with one as well, but then that would mean he would have to take off his long-sleeved shirt. Harry felt too self-conscious to do that, no matter how warm the air felt, no matter that there was no one around for miles and miles. Harry didn't want to see all of his ugly scars, to be reminded of the terrible habit he had fallen under.

Once the umbrella was up and they laid down their towels in their makeshift shade, Severus tossed Harry a jar.

"Put that on, kid, it's to protect you from the sun. You don't want to start off your first day of school tomorrow all burnt up."

"Is this sun lotion?" Harry asked, unscrewing the lid and sniffing the contents before touching it with his fingers.

"Sort of, better than the ones muggles use."

Harry lathered the lotion onto his legs, face, shoulders and neck, but he still kept his shirt on.

When he was done, Severus beckoned Harry to him. "I can put a glamor on your scars if you get too hot in that."

Harry shook his head and he was grateful that Severus didn't say anything more about it or pressure him into taking it off for something cooler.

Severus only nodded and took the jar from Harry, applying the lotion onto himself.

And once Severus gave his approval that the lotion had settled into their skin long enough, Harry didn't waste anymore time. He ran straight to the shore and into the sea. But as soon as the waves slapped against his stomach, the icy-cold water shocking him, Harry turned around and made a bee-line back to the shore, trying to avoid any more cold waves, back towards Severus who was standing at the shore with the waves just going over his bare feet.

"Is the water too cold?" Severus called out against the hard breeze. "I tried to warn you, but you were gone so fast before I could get a word out!"

A wave came crashing down from behind Harry as Severus called out to him, catching him off guard and smacking him from behind, sending cold water over his back, shoulders and neck. Harry yelled out from the sudden shock of cold. And he could hear Severus laughing over the roaring sound of the waves.

"Are you okay, Harry?" Severus called out as he slowly began to wade towards him.

Before Harry could answer, another wave smacked him directly in his face. Harry spat out the water and called out, "It's salty! And freezing!"

Severus chuckled in response, then said as he finally joined Harry's side, "Your body will get used to the temperature."

And sure enough, Severus was right. After a while, the water began to turn from unbearably cold to cool and refreshing under the hot sun. Harry turned back towards the horizon and began to swim further out, until the water was above his waist.

"Don't go in too far or you'll get stuck in the current!" Severus called out in warning.

Harry respected Severus' wish and didn't go any further. He managed to float on his back, just like how he had done at the lake. It was easier to stay afloat there. In the ocean, the waves kept tossing him about, but he sort of liked the movement instead of the still lake water.

Looking up at the sky, Harry imagined what that would be like… Getting stuck in the current, getting pulled in by the waves. Unable to swim back no matter how hard he might try. Trapped in this raging world of water, cold and beautiful and scary all at the same time.

It could be a perfect way to die, something Harry might've tried when it was the beginning of the summer… When his grief for Sirius' death was still so raw. When the prophecy was hanging over his head, too heavy to carry. And the abuse from the Dursleys was suddenly just too much to take anymore… And the cutting…his cutting started to get out of hand… But Harry wasn't in that dark place anymore. He wanted to live now, and so he banished that suicidal thought from his head, imagined it floating out to sea.

It wasn't long until Severus reached him, the water just above his torso. "Enjoying yourself, are you?" Severus asked.

"I am," Harry smiled as a wave raised his body up. He turned over and righted himself back onto his feet, feeling the wet sand between his toes underneath the water.

The water reached Harry's chest, and he felt a bit reckless at the moment. Before he was in Severus' care, Harry would never have done this… He splashed a wave of water at Severus, who shouted out a few of his favorite curse words with shock. Severus then gave Harry, who was laughing so hard, a mock glare and sent a huge wave of water back at him.

Harry shouted out and spluttered as the water hit his face and went into his mouth. Once he'd regained his composure, Harry was about to send another splash at Severus when suddenly a huge wave began to form nearby them.

"Swim over it!" Severus laughed.

Harry had no idea what Severus meant by that, so he just followed his dad's lead. Swimming forward until they were on top of the wave, then they floated back down as the wave crashed beneath them.

That was the strangest and about the funnest thing Harry had ever done!

And they spent a few hours battling the waves, with Severus teaching Harry more useful swimming techniques to help him stay afloat and how to swim in the current.

Harry asked, "Why all the lessons? Let's play some games!"

"Just in case you should ever find yourself in a large body of water," Severus said.

"I doubt it... I did teach myself to swim during the second task of the Triwizard Tournament."

"Just in case, son."

After the lessons, Harry was rewarded with several games.

Another round of two lies and one truth. Harry lost again and now owed Severus two bags of marshmallows.

"You don't even like them!" Harry had protested.

A game of who could hold their breaths underwater the longest.

Harry lost his glasses after another wave hit him in the face when he'd come back up for air. Severus Accioed them back and taught Harry a charm to keep them from falling off his face while swimming, turning them into something that sort of looked like muggle goggles that could help him see underwater as well.

"We need to get you new glasses," Severus had said after the whole ordeal.

Then they were just finishing up a game of who could stay afloat the longest without their feet touching the sand when a big wave hit them, sending Harry tumbling in the water. When he swam back up to the surface, something long and slimy had wrapped itself around his ankle.

"Ahhh! Severus!" Harry shouted. "Something is touching me!"

Severus, who had just emerged from the water as well, raised an eyebrow at him. Harry balanced on one leg as he lifted his foot out of the water, revealing a green rope-like plant wrapped around his ankle and foot.

"What is it?!" Harry asked with panic in his voice.

Severus reached over and took it off of him. "It's just seaweed," he said with exasperation, then it turned into a laugh at Harry's embarrassed reaction to his answer.

"I think I'm done with the ocean now," Harry said. "I feel like I had a fight with it and I lost drastically."

"It's just as well," Severus chuckled. "I can do with some lunch."

"Now that you've mentioned food, I'm starving! Like I could suddenly eat a whole entire Hogwarts feast by myself!"

"A side effect from swimming in the ocean," Severus said with another laugh.

Their playful banter continued like that as they made their way out of the water and back to their little makeshift camp of towels and the large beach umbrella.

Severus used a drying charm on Harry and himself, then tossed the jar of sun lotion to Harry. "More sun lotion, kid, your cheeks are looking a bit red."

.

.

Once they were settled and finishing up the last of their lunch, ham and cheese sandwiches and cut-up fruit, courtesy of the Hogwarts house-elves, Harry couldn't help but glance over at Severus.

It was still so hard to believe that Harry was here on this beach, feeling the warmth of the sun and hearing the crashing waves and the screaming white birds. That Harry was here sitting on a beach towel under the shade of an umbrella and having a picnic with Severus who used to be nothing more to him than his least favorite Hogwarts professor.

It was hard to believe they were doing something Harry always wanted to be a part of when he was a child and the Dursleys would leave him behind….

Always forgotten….

The Dursleys had never cared to make sure Harry was happy. They'd never taken care of him or made him feel part of their family. They had always made him feel so alone and wretched. And that childhood pain, deep down in Harry's heart, it twinged at the reminder. Severus gave Harry a home. He gave him a decent room of his very own, not a cupboard under the stairs or a tiny bedroom that was only meant for storage of unwanted things. Severus didn't leave him behind like the Dursleys had done so many times. He brought Harry here to have fun, to enjoy the summer, to feel part of a family….

A small one at that, but still family.

Severus and Harry, it was them against the world now. They had each other, and Harry didn't feel so alone anymore… And that thought made Harry feel so guilty because he realized, after all Severus had done for him this summer, Harry had repaid that kindness by putting his life in danger. He felt so bad that he suddenly lost his appetite.

"Severus…" Harry said hesitantly. He wanted to talk about the whole thing with Greyback. He wanted to apologize for leaving Fred and George's shop and walking into danger. They really hadn't a chance to talk about what had happened.

Severus turned towards Harry, "Yes, Harry?" And his eyes caught Harry's abandoned food, the half-eaten sandwich and a good amount of fruit still left untouched. "Are you done with your lunch?"

Harry nodded and handed his plate over to Severus who frowned, but didn't say anything. He only packed everything up, and Harry silently helped him.

When they were done, Severus laid down on his back, looking like he was enjoying the sun. Harry sat beside him, still trying to figure out what he wanted to say. His eyes mesmerized on the crashing waves in the distance.

"You know I'm here listening, son. Whenever you're ready, just take your time," Severus muttered. His eyes were closed and his arms were folded and tucked underneath his head for support.

Harry took a deep breath, letting those words sink in.

And when he finally felt ready, he asked softly, "Can we talk about what I did that led me to getting kidnapped by Greyback? I'm tired of waiting for my punishment."

He wanted to avoid using the word punishment, but Harry didn't know how else to say it. If Harry had done something stupid like that while shopping with the Dursleys, they wouldn't have fought the way Remus and Severus had done to get him back safely or even let time go on before talking about punishments for putting himself into danger.

Harry's eyes stung a bit at the thought.

If it were up to the Dursleys, Harry would most likely have had to find a way to escape and return to Privet Drive alone. Then he was sure he would've gotten a sound beating and lecture from his aunt and uncle as punishment for simply inconveniencing them or not managing to die. Dudley would probably just watch the show and laugh at Harry. Not a care in the world that Harry could've died or turned into a werewolf.

But Severus and Remus… They didn't do that… Would never do that, hopefully….

Harry wiped his stinging eyes quickly before any tears could escape.

So was it fair of him to use the word punishment?

Probably not….

When Harry had said that, Severus had opened his eyes and propped himself onto his elbows, looking at Harry with his mouth set in a deep frown.

Harry could feel Severus' gaze on him. He avoided his dad by keeping his eyes down at the sand he was digging into with his fingers, admiring the dry and grainy texture.

A moment passed without Harry saying anything more and he still couldn't meet Severus' gaze. He heard the professor sigh and slowly sit himself up.

"Your punishment? Harry, I hope you're not expecting your uncle's version." Severus' deep voice was full of disapproval.

Harry inwardly flinched from it, yet he still thought about Severus' question. He really wasn't being fair at all to Severus… How could Harry still expect that from him? After everything that had happened.

Wasn't Harry just comparing the treatment he'd received from the Dursleys versus the treatment he'd received from Severus, and even Remus, just moments ago? The Dursleys who made it their life's mission to always make sure Harry was feeling miserable and forgotten. And Severus, who always made sure Harry was feeling happy and safe and comfortable. Remus, who'd fought for him, who didn't let Harry push him away. Remus, who'd admitted he was wrong and apologized to Harry for leaving him. And Harry went over all of his new memories with his new guardians, getting to know the unknown side of Severus Snape, forgiving Remus and letting him in again, trusting him again… Harry realized that he could never imagine them hurting him like the Durselys had… Never… And his answer was no, Harry wasn't expecting the same version of punishment as the ones he'd received from the Dursleys. Harry wasn't really sure what to expect actually….

Harry shook his head. "No, I'm starting to believe that you won't hurt me like they had…" Harry shrugged, then smiled hesitantly as he finally looked up at Severus, meeting his gaze. "You're my dad…" The shyness in calling Severus dad out loud was clear in his voice.

At the parental term, a shadow of emotions flickered in Severus' eyes. Touched, love, and maybe guilt? Was that hurt? Then Severus blinked and the last two emotions were gone. It was so sudden, Harry thought that perhaps he might've imagined them, perhaps he'd just misread Severus. Because why would he be feeling guilty? Was he actually planning on punishing him that way? Harry felt himself paled a bit at the idea, his stomach turning nervously.

"Are you sure you want to talk about this right now?"

Harry nodded, casting his eyes away again, this time towards the horizon. "I just want to get it over with. I don't like waiting for punishments," he said, swallowing nervously as he dusted the sand from his hands before running his fingers through his hair. To hide the sight of them shaking. And Harry briefly imagined the blade of a knife going through his skin, releasing the anxiety that was building up inside of him.

He felt Severus studying him the whole time.

"Hey, son, look at me again, please."

And Harry did as he was told, connecting his gaze to Severus' own dark eyes that were so full of concern and love and sincerity, it was almost overwhelming. Harry wasn't used to being looked at like that and he found his eyes stinging again. The Dursleys had never looked at him like that before. That was only for Dudley. Not for little boys who were freaks and asked too many questions and got into too much trouble.

"I'm never going to punish you like that," Severus said gently, yet full of assurance. "I know you're battling with yourself to believe that. I can see it in your face. Trust me, son, I'll never raise a hand to you. I'll never hurt you the way they have done to you."

His throat suddenly choking up, Harry could only nod in response.

"Whatever punishment I decide to give to you, will be fair and reasonable… Actually, let's not call it a punishment, but a consequence. How does that sound to you?"

Harry swallowed again, then murmured, "It sounds better, less scary…"

"Good," Severus sighed. He reached up, letting his hair loose from its ponytail, running his fingers through his dark locks. Harry watched him from his peripheral vision. The professor seemed to be thinking carefully on what he wanted to say next.

Harry had started digging a hole in the sand in front of him, still enjoying the texture of it. Letting his trembling hands give him something to do other than wanting to cut himself. Then suddenly, he couldn't stand waiting anymore. So he asked in a louder voice, "What is my consequence, sir?"

"It's Severus or Sev, Harry. We are not professor and student right now. And your consequence is just a stern talking to."

"Oh, that's it?" Harry said, taken aback. "No chores, no staying in my room… No, um…" Harry couldn't finish his sentence. No beatings were the unsaid words, yet it hung in the air between them. And it was quiet again, except for the sounds of the crashing waves and the strong breeze and the screaming birds all around them.

"Yes, that is it, Harry," Severus finally answered back softly, watching Harry digging a hole in the sand. He began to do the same, causing Harry to finally smile again. "Let's dig a tunnel?" Severus asked him.

Harry nodded.

"Aguamenti!" Severus said, pointing his wand in the hole. "Water makes building with sand easier."

And they worked together in silence, until Harry's hands stopped shaking and he'd forgotten about wanting to cut himself.

Then Severus spoke again, "To be honest, kid, I was angry when I'd realized I couldn't find you. I was upset because I had trusted you to keep yourself safe, and you just went off at the first chance you saw, putting yourself into danger, like it didn't mean anything to you or to me or even Lupin. You scared him too, Harry. You should've seen him when he'd learned the news of your kidnapping."

Harry bowed his head in shame. "I'm sorry," he could only mutter. "I didn't mean to scare you like that."

"I know you are, kid, but I only felt that for a short while until Granger and Weasley brought me the news of Greyback taking you. As soon as I had heard that, fear took over. I was so afraid of you being hurt or scared, of you being in the hands of that monster. It took away all of my anger towards you. I was so afraid of you getting killed or of never finding you, of losing you…"

Harry watched Severus' hands digging into the sand as he spoke. His dad's voice was full of hurt, making Harry feel guilty for his actions that day, for running off after Draco and putting not only himself into danger, but also Ron and Hermione. Then he'd worried Severus and Remus… His whole face and the back of his neck burned with shame.

"We have rules for a reason, Harry. We had all taken precautions that day for a reason. We'd established safety rules and guards, all to keep you safe, to allow you a normal school shopping trip with your friends. The Order, the Weasleys and I did everything that day to ensure your safety and you repaid for all of our hard work by being reckless and running off to Knockturn Alley. That just shows to me, to all of us, that you don't care for the work we put in to keep you safe, that you don't care for your life or even the feelings of others that care for you."

Severus finally stopped working his hands into the sand and looked up at Harry who had sat still, listening to him. "So, what do you have to say for yourself?"

"I didn't mean to make you or anyone feel like I don't care, because I do… But you're right, Severus, I shouldn't have run off like that. And I really am sorry for it, believe me I am… It was just… I saw Draco passing by in the window and I lost my good sense, I guess. The way he was walking, it all seemed very peculiar. He was up to something that day. I was worried for him and well…" Harry wanted Severus to know that he didn't put himself into danger for the thrill of it or because he thought it was fun. He really hadn't meant to cause so much trouble for everyone. He was just worried for Draco.

"You were also curious to what Draco was up to that day, not just worried... I believe?" Severus finished for him.

Harry nodded, blushing even more with shame. It sounded bad when voiced out loud, but Severus was right. He was curious as well. "Yes, but mostly worried, I promise you that. I didn't wander off for a laugh. I didn't mean to anger you or scare you or be so much trouble to everyone that day, Severus, really I didn't."

"I know, Harry, I know… But I also want you to realize that you need to start looking after yourself, not just your friends. You need to take care, you only get one life and I don't want you constantly putting it into danger for others, even if they are your friends."

"That sounds very Slytherin," Harry said.

"Yes, I know that sounds a bit cowardly and selfish, but it's also being smart. I just want you to be sensible the next time you must act like a foolish Gryffindor. You are important too, and you're important and loved by others as well, even if you don't think that of yourself. Do you understand?"

Harry nodded. "I do, sir."

"Severus, Harry."

Harry sighed, "I understand, Severus."

And he didn't say anything else, letting Severus' lecture sink in as they continued to build their tunnel. Severus occasionally adding water every now and then with his wand. Then after they'd completed their first two tunnels, they paused in their work, dusting off their hands, and Harry brought up the subject again, this time directed towards Draco.

"Can I tell you why I've decided to follow Draco?"

"You may, but it won't change anything I had just told you, Harry. You have to understand that no matter what happens, you need to put your safety first."

"I know…" Harry said. He knew that of course, but he really did care deeply for Draco who had become a best friend to him, and Harry would do anything for his best friends, despite Severus' lecture. Harry was sure Ron and Hermione, and now even Draco, had the same feelings towards him. Severus just didn't understand that about him and his friends. It was ride or die with them. It really truly was.

And at Madam Malkin's shop, yes, Draco was acting like a rude git, acting as if their summer together had never happened, that they never became best friends…but Draco did warn Harry that may happen. Harry knew Draco was only acting that way to protect himself and his mom and even Harry himself… Harry knew that… Draco had warned him… But the scorn in Draco's voice, the scorn and hatred in his eyes, it was so much like the old Draco was back. It'd felt too real. It was hard for Harry to keep reminding himself that it was all just an act, that Draco wasn't meaning any of it….

Then Draco jumped when Madam Malkin touched his arm. His forearm… And Harry knew, but he needed solid proof. And he wanted to be wrong about it. He really wanted to… Then seeing Draco give his mother the slip, wandering off to Knockturn Alley… Meeting Greyback at Borgin and Burkes… Harry remembered the task… And he couldn't just let his friend fall down that dark path alone like that… He couldn't let Draco go without at least trying to help him first… It was ride or die for Harry and his friends… But how to explain that to Severus? When he'd just made it clear to Harry that Harry's safety and his life above all else, should be put first.

Harry looked up at Severus, who was waiting patiently for him to start speaking.

Well, here goes nothing… Harry said to himself, taking a deep breath before saying, "I think Draco might be a Death Eater. I think as soon as he left us, he was branded the Dark Mark."

Severus frowned at Harry's accusation. It was silent between them until he finally asked, "And what is your proof?"

"When we ran into him at Madam Malkin's, Draco yelled at her. He jumped away when she went too close to his forearm. I was watching while everyone was arguing with him. Why else would he do that, unless Draco has the Dark Mark?"

"You're forgetting that I was there too, Harry. It could've been possible that Madam Malkin might've accidentally struck him with a pin or Draco felt uncomfortable arguing with us when Narcissa was there. He might've been looking for an excuse to leave… Draco flinching away like that, it can mean anything, Harry, and it can also mean nothing."

Annoyed by Severus' doubt and more annoyed at the fact that he was sort of right, Harry argued back, "Then why would Draco give Narcissa and their guard the slip? That seems like a pretty big risk, doesn't it? He had to have planned all of that. To meet Greyback like that, to use him as a henchman to bully Borgin into agreeing to fix whatever he wanted broken. And perhaps Narcissa knew about it. Maybe...she'd helped Draco escape the guards. And if she did know...then this all has to do with the task. Perhaps, Voldemort had decided not to wait to mark Draco after he's completed it. Maybe, he'd decided to do it early and the task is really just his first test as a new Death Eater!"

"Harry," Severus said with exasperation, but Harry didn't hear him.

The theories in his head were all coming together, becoming more clearer to him as he finally voiced his churning thoughts out loud. They've been bothering him ever since he'd woken in the hospital wing.

"It's too bad that Ron, Hermione and I couldn't hear everything they were saying in the shop and that we couldn't see what the object was… This sort of makes sense...doesn't it? Doesn't it all seem rather strange? Strange enough that it might point to Draco being a Death Eater?"

"Hmmm…very strange indeed… But that still isn't concrete proof to Draco bearing the Dark Mark. It could just be him trying to work out his task, and you know Professor Dumbledore and I are taking care of that."

Harry shot Severus an affronted look at the clear dismissal of his theory. "Severus, we have to get Draco away from Voldemort!" And before he could say any more or argue any further, Severus cut him off.

"Listen, Harry, everything you've just told me, I want you to leave it to me and Dumbledore. Just forget it all."

Completely taken aback by that, Harry scowled. "What? Severus! Draco is a Death Eater and you expect me to just forget that?!"

"You still don't know that!"

"And what if Voldemort…"

"Stop saying the Dark Lord's name! Merlin!"

"And why should I?! It's just a name, he's not going to appear by me saying it."

"Merlin, help me," Severus sighed, rubbing his hands over his face with clear frustration in his voice. He then looked back at Harry and said, "Let's say if you were right, don't you think I would've known if Draco was a Death Eater already? I'm the Dark Lord's most trusted servant. If he'd decided to give my godson the Dark Mark, I'll be the first to know! Just leave this to me and Professor Dumbledore, we know what we're doing, Harry. Trust us, we are taking care of Draco."

"And what if Voldemort didn't tell you? You really wouldn't know if you see the bloody mark on Draco's arm yourself! Have you seen his arm?"

Severus gave Harry a stern look, warning him to stop, and Harry took that as a no. It was still possible that his theory could be right.

"You haven't then, so I could be right!"

"Potter! I'm telling you to drop it!" Severus snapped, his eyes glaring at him, warning Harry if he didn't do as he was told, there would be punish…consequences.

Harry bit his lip and looked away, hurt at Severus' reaction and the dismissal of his theory. He had really thought Severus might believe him or even consider it at least, but Harry was very wrong to think that. It was clear Severus didn't believe anything he was saying, or maybe Harry was speaking too close to the truth… And now Harry was sure Severus was hiding things about Draco from him. Why else would the professor get so upset over this? Refusing to speak about it anymore. Harry's theory was a good one, it made sense. Severus just knew something that he refused to say.

"Fuck…" Severus whispered as he saw Harry's hurt reaction. "Son…look… I don't mean to just brush off your theory as if it were rubbish. It's a good theory…but there are still a lot of holes in it. So please, I'm asking you to just leave all this to me and the headmaster. Leave it to us. I don't want you to get involved with this. You're already so deep into this war…you don't need to be in any deeper. I want you to focus on other things, like taking care of yourself and focusing on the start of school for instance…"

Harry only huffed with frustration. He just wanted to change the subject now. The point was that Severus didn't believe him. It was depressing to think about the friendship he may very well lose with Draco, if he was a Death Eater now. How could Draco ever come back to their side with that mark on his arm?

"When this's all over, and You-Know-Who's gone, we'll be friends again. Do you promise to remember that?"

"It'll be like we've never stopped being friends. See you on the other side of the war, Malfoy."

"I'll be there, waiting for you first, Potter."

There was no way that was happening now. There was no coming back from being a Death Eater. Unless…unless Harry made sure Draco wouldn't follow through with his task. If Draco failed his task, then that meant Draco couldn't really join their ranks still, Dark Mark or not. What if Harry convinced Draco to not complete it? The Order of the Phoenix, Dumbledore and Severus could keep him safe, like they've all kept Harry safe from Voldemort and his Death Eaters for the past few years. They could keep Draco and his family safe too. There was still hope for him. Draco didn't have to do this. And Harry decided that he wasn't going to just let this drop like Severus wanted him to. He wasn't letting Draco go just like that. Ride or die. When school started up, Harry was going to remind Draco of their promise. He was going to convince Draco to not complete his task, to seek safety on their side instead. To be brave and fight against Voldmeort and his followers, instead of letting himself become stuck on the wrong side of the war.

I'm not letting you go… We've made a promise, Draco….

"Harry, come on now…stop that…" Severus said with a touch of impatience in his voice. He reached over and pulled Harry's hands apart. It broke him out of his thoughts, flinching violently from the sudden contact. Severus immediately dropped Harry's hands.

"It's okay, kid. I wasn't going to hurt you… I know you know that…"

Harry felt his body shaking and he covered his face with his hands, trying to calm himself down. He did know that… Severus was right… He was being stupid… "I was scratching myself yesterday morning after I woke up…when I was still in the hospital wing, before I got released," Harry muttered into his hands. He wasn't really sure why he'd chosen to share that. He guessed he really did want to stop hurting himself.

Severus only looked at Harry with a calm gaze. The annoyance in his voice from their argument and the impatience he had when he tore Harry's nails away from his skin, was now gone. "You woke up afraid?" he asked with concern.

Harry shrugged and finally moved his hands away from his face, placing them down onto his lap, keeping his gaze down on them. "I was back there…" he said softly. Ever since he'd woken from the hospital wing after his rescue, every night Harry had been plagued with nightmares, leaving him to wake up the past few mornings with the urge to cut. He was sort of feeling it now. It was small, but it was there. Harry's fingers twitched in his lap, longing to scratch himself until he bled and the pain and fear inside of him temporarily faded away, but he didn't dare give into his small desire with Severus next to him and watching.

And maybe Severus could tell what Harry was thinking, because he gently and slowly lifted Harry's chin, being careful enough to not startle him again. "You'll never find yourself in that cellar again. Greyback won't touch you again. Remus made sure of that."

All Harry could do was stare back at Severus as he continued speaking.

"During the school year, if you ever feel like you need to cut, come straight to me. If you ever find yourself feeling overwhelmed or stressed, or if you need to be away from your dorm mates or if you feel like you can't sleep in Gryffindor tower due to nightmares or for whatever reason, kid, remember that you'll always have your bedroom open to you in my quarters."

Then Severus finally released Harry's chin.

"Thanks, Sev…" Harry said quietly. "I really do want to stop cutting myself… I was so stupid to start that and now it's so hard to stop. I don't want to resort to hurting myself every time I have a freak out or I'm stressed about something… I don't want to live like that anymore… I just want to be happy…"

"I know… And it's something we have to continue working on together. You know it's going to take time, and it's not going to be easy… We just need to be persistent about it. We will get through this, do you trust me, Harry?"

Harry frowned as Severus spoke, raising his sleeve a bit to see some of his old scars that had faded to shiny smooth lines. No longer angry red ridges, thanks to the balms Severus had been making Harry apply to his skin everyday.

Severus' question hung in the air and Harry allowed it. He had to think about what he wanted to say in return, because he really wanted to just say yes and mean it completely. He wanted to trust Severus like any normal kid would for their parents. He couldn't deny that he was feeling the familial bond with Severus… But a small part of him was holding him back from doing just that, from just saying: yes, I trust you, dad… And that small part of himself was that little kid who'd built the brick wall inside of his mind to protect himself.

That little boy was still in him, still hiding behind the wall while the Dursleys yelled at him: Stop asking questions! Go away! Freak! Rotten boy! Liar! or when Uncle Vernon treated him to a sound beating: Gotta beat all the freakiness out of you! Or when Aunt Petunia would make him stand in front of the mirror: Say you're a freak! Say it!

And as long as that wall was still up, Harry couldn't fully trust Severus and Remus just yet. However, the fractures that started to appear along the wall during the past couple of months was proof that Harry was starting to, that he could one day completely open up to them and trust them as his parents… But not yet….

Harry still had to protect himself… He couldn't let that little kid inside of him go just yet… He couldn't tear down the wall that instant and just say yes to Severus' question and actually mean it….

But he wanted to… Harry wanted to… But he just needed more time.

And Harry couldn't tell Severus any of that, he was still waiting for Harry's answer. He didn't want to hurt his dad by saying outright that he still couldn't trust him yet, even after everything that had happened between them… So before Harry knew it, he was lying and it killed him inside to do it, but there was no other way. Not with that wall still up, even if it had cracks running through the red bricks, even if it was showing signs of it starting to crumble down. Harry just couldn't speak the truth.

"I… I trust you…" Harry choked out. He looked up to see Severus smiling down at him, the wind whipping a few strands of his dark hair around. Harry felt so guilty, he just wanted to sink down into a hole in the sand and be buried alive. Guilt made him nauseous as well. And with all of his heart, Harry wished the words he had spoken were completely true but they couldn't be just yet….

What is wrong with me? Harry asked himself, feeling completely wretched. Aunt Petunia was right; he was a horrid little freak. And he glanced down at his hands and caught the very faint white lines etched onto the back of his hand, making him feel even more worse. He was a liar as well. I must not tell lies….

And Severus looked genuinely happy to hear Harry say that. Harry pulled himself together so that Severus wouldn't see the turmoil of his guilt on his face or in his eyes.

"I'm so very proud of you, Harry. When I first took you in this summer, I must admit to you that I had no clue what I was going to do with you. You were so lost and in pain… But look at you now, you're going to be okay. You're healing, kid, slowly, but you are."

Harry could only shrug, then he forced himself to say in a steady voice, "You asked me… You asked me after you found me up at the waterfall, what would be the outcome If I would've jumped… I didn't understand why you were so upset about my answer… Now I understand…"

Instead of choosing to close himself up, Harry had decided to give Severus some truth, only to settle his guilt-ridden stomach. He also wanted to assure his dad that there was no need to fear Harry making another attempt to end his life or fear that Harry would never stop cutting because Harry truly wanted to stop, but he needed help. He couldn't do it alone.

"If I would've jumped that morning, I would've missed out on you becoming my dad. I would've missed out on growing close with Remus again. I would've missed out on Draco becoming my friend and no longer my enemy. I would've missed out on everything… And I would've truly lost myself. I forgot how great life can be sometimes, Sev, and you reminded me of that. You reminded me that I'm not alone, that I do have people who love me… And…and if I had managed to jump, I would've hurt them. You… Remus… The Weasleys and my friends… I would've left them all behind not only to figure out the prophecy for themselves, but I'll leave them feeling like how I had felt when Sirius and Remus had left me, how I had felt when the Dursleys disappointed or hurt me every single time… I don't want to do that… I understand now that I'm not alone… I understand that you wanted me to value my life if not for me, but then for them… And realizing that, I can't kill myself anymore… I can't, that pain is awful. I'm so sorry for putting you through that every time I've tried to die, for putting my life in danger as well…"

Harry's voice choked on the last sentence, but he kept going.

"I really do want to stop cutting, to stop being suicidal… To stop hurting you guys like that… You guys are my family… And if I would've jumped off that cliff or if you hadn't found me in the corridor that day and got me to the hospital wing or if Greyback would have succeeded… I understand why you'd felt so angry…" Then Harry's throat closed up and his eyes burned. He couldn't speak anymore.

Severus waited until Harry was done recomposing himself, quietly wiping his burning eyes. Severus was tactful enough to not say anything, only patiently waiting for Harry to be ready.

"Oh, son, I was angry… I was…but honestly, I was more angry at myself than your carelessness that day. When I took you in, I've made a promise to myself to keep you safe, Harry, and I failed. I really thought I had lost you, and just when I got to truly know you and love you as a father would for a son… I thought I had lost my chance at becoming a family to you…and Lupin… I'm willing to tolerate that wolf for you… I'm willing to do it all for you, Harry, don't you see… You are right, we're family now. You are no longer alone. I'm going to help you stop your cutting… I'll be around whenever you need me, same goes for the wolf, I'm sure… And Remus and I will help carry the weight of the prophecy for you. That isn't the only purpose of your life and I'm so proud of you for realizing that. You deserve to live a peaceful life with us and your friends, and we are going to fight till the very end for that future, so don't you worry. Just take care of yourself, kid. This is what I was telling you earlier…value your life, protect it. No more stupid risks. You mean too much to me and everyone else, you should've seen how hard everyone worked to get you back safely."

"I know… I know…" Harry said softly, feeling guilty again for being so reckless that day. "So...are you really not going to give me any more consequences for running off to Knockturn Alley? Just this lecture?"

"I think getting kidnapped by Greyback was traumatic enough for you. I hope my words are not in vain when I say that I trust you won't do something so reckless again."

Harry bowed his head with shame. "I won't."

"Hmmm…" Severus eyed Harry for a moment then said, "Words can sometimes be meaningless. It is your actions that I'm waiting for. I should wait until you are tested again."

"You sound like you can't trust my word on not throwing myself into danger again."

"Humor me, kid. Tell me one school year when your life didn't end up in danger."

And Harry couldn't answer that. He grinned, "I'm a magnet for trouble I guess, this year I'll try my best to be smart about it and not risk my life."

"That's all I want," Severus said, shaking his head. His lips turned upward a bit into a small smile.

"Can we do another tunnel?" Harry asked, admiring their work.

"Of course," Severus said.

.

.

And once they were done with that one and starting yet another tunnel, Harry asked, "Dumbledore said he'll be giving me lessons during the year. He was very vague about them. What do you suppose they could be?"

Severus was adding more water with his wand while Harry began to shape the inside of the tunnel he was working on.

"Perhaps something to do with the prophecy… I believe he told you to not tell anyone about them including me and Lupin. Only Granger and Weasley are allowed to be your confidants."

Harry nodded, concentrating on the tunnel he was working on, his fingers digging into the cool wet sand. "I'm sorry, Sev. I wish I could tell you but Dumbledore made me promise."

"It's understandable, don't worry about it…"

"This is looking pretty good," Severus said again, admiring their work. It was a giant hole full of sand tunnels and bridges.

"Yeah," Harry smiled. He glanced at Severus, suddenly remembering the first day he had woken from the hospital wing, just after his rescue. He remembered how Severus had come to his bedside, seeming quiet and morose, as if something terrible had happened, as if he had received bad news or something. And Harry remembered the way Severus had carried himself, his muscles tensed, moving slowly and carefully.

Harry never found out what had happened to cause Severus to act like that. Then he remembered the look Severus and Dumbledore had shared when the headmaster had arrived to speak to Harry. Dumbledore was relieved to see Severus.

Why would the headmaster be so relieved to see Severus again? Why was he so concerned for him that day as if Severus were in danger? And there was only one reason that made sense to Harry and he couldn't believe he hadn't thought of it earlier. Severus had been called to Voldemort's side while Harry was asleep in the hospital wing.

Was the meeting so dangerous that Dumbledore was actually afraid of Severus never coming back this time?

Then Harry felt his stomach jolt as he realized that while he was asleep in the hospital wing, Severus' life had been in danger. He could've lost his new father and not even know it until he woke up and someone told him. And yet this shouldn't have surprised Harry in this way or worried him, because Severus had explained to him before about the risks of his role as spy. That Severus' life was always in constant danger, but for Harry to never fear for him. That Severus knew what he was doing and wouldn't let himself be killed so easily. But Harry knew it was only a matter of time before Severus couldn't keep his cover any longer, and that scared Harry deep to the core, scared him to think that he could lose another parent to Voldemort with each summons.

And with those thoughts racing through Harry's head, he again remembered the pain in his dad's dark eyes that morning. And he wondered what had happened during that meeting to have caused Severus to allow his pain to show, to not hide his emotions like he would usually do. Harry wondered if Severus was okay, because today he moved as if he didn't have any fresh wounds and he didn't seem to be in any pain. But then again, Severus had not taken his shirt off when he went swimming, just like Harry hadn't, and Harry wondered if Severus had scars of his own that he was hiding as well.

"Sev?" Harry asked shyly, brushing the sand off his arms and legs.

"Yes, son?"

Harry swallowed, not sure why he was suddenly nervous to ask, "Are… Are you okay?"

Severus, who was dusting the sand off of himself as well, stopped and gave Harry a quizzical look. "Why do you ask?"

Harry shrugged and said, "You were acting…I don't know…off when I first woke up in the hospital wing."

"How so?"

"Well… You were quiet and guarded when you spoke to me. And I could see that you were uncomfortable, like something had hurt you… You…you seemed like you were in pain…" Harry said hesitantly.

"Oh…" Severus said quietly. "I was hoping you wouldn't ask… I had a feeling you saw that. I didn't want you to see that I was in pain, but I'm finding that I can no longer hide myself from you."

"You were summoned to Voldemort that day, were you? And he hurt you," Harry added the last part as a statement and not as a question.

Severus simply shrugged Harry's concern away. "It was nothing I couldn't handle. I'm okay now. A few potions took care of everything."

Harry nodded, still worried… He had a million more questions…like what went on during those meetings? Why was Severus called that night? Did it have to do with Severus helping Remus and the Order of the Phoenix rescue Harry? Did Voldemort want Harry to get bitten by a werewolf? Did Severus get punished for Greyback's failure?

Severus had told Harry with more detail what Remus had done to make sure Severus got him out of the cellar, fighting off Greyback in werewolf form, and how Remus was able to keep most of his mind through it. Mostly thanks to the Wolfsbane Potion Severus had given him.

Was it Severus' interference that had almost cost him his role as spy? And what did Severus do to save it? What did he go through that night for Voldemort to let him live? It was clear that Severus was punished severely that night.

There was just so much Harry wanted to ask, but he could see that Severus was reserved about the subject, giving vague answers and reluctant to reveal anything more to Harry, other than that he was okay. And remembering the Dursley's dislike of too many questions, Harry decided to just ask one and keep the rest to himself.

"If there is anything serious going on or if you're ever in danger, you'll tell me right?" Harry asked sincerely.

A flash of pain was seen in Severus' eyes. Seeing that, Harry furrowed his brow in confusion and concern.

"Of course, son…" Severus suddenly stood up before Harry could say anything else. "It's getting late. If you want to arrive at the Burrow before dinner, we should get going. Stand up so I can banish all the sand off of you."

Harry only nodded, getting up and letting Severus wave his wand at him, making him sand free. Then they began to put everything away.

Severus had deliberately ended their conversation. And that look Harry saw in his eyes, the pain that flashed at Harry's question, he couldn't help but feel like Severus had lied to him and that truly hurt Harry deep inside. How was he expected to trust his new father when Severus was hiding something important from him? And Harry wanted to confront him about it…but he didn't.

Harry inwardly sighed. Maybe what he saw was nothing. Maybe he was just overthinking this… And now that he was doubting himself on what he saw, Harry decided to just let it all go for now because this was the last day of the summer holidays. Harry didn't want to end it with another argument.

And was Harry really ready to start school again? To be around his classmates and friends. To sleep in Gryffindor Tower. To hide his scars, pretend he was okay. Harry wasn't sure, but he knew he had to be… He had no choice… And Harry was surprised to find that he was sad for the first time ever in his life that summer was over.

It had to be because he never had a summer holiday like this one. A summer of camping with Severus who became his new father, who pulled Harry out of his darkness and made him see that there were reasons other than the prophecy to be alive for. A summer full of friends, having Draco over and finding a best friend in him. Spending time at the Burrow, having sleepovers and quidditch matches, celebrating his birthday. And finding Remus, learning to forgive him, learning to play the guitar and getting better at defensive magic. Growing closer to him and Severus, enough to consider trusting them one day, enough to consider them as his fathers… And oh, how much Harry wanted to completely trust them, but he just needed more time… More time with them….

And then ending this summer holiday at the beach… A place Harry never thought he would ever see, but was able to because Severus had listened to him and planned it. Only to make Harry happy. Something the Dursleys had never done or wouldn't ever do for him.

Harry was really sad to see this summer go.

Tomorrow all of his friends and classmates would return to Hogwarts, filling the empty corridors. Now Harry had to learn how to be around Severus with other people around. It wasn't just going to be them and Remus living in the castle anymore. Severus would have to pretend that Harry was his least favorite student and Harry had to pretend to still hate him around his classmates. They would have to retain those roles for most of the day in only to keep Severus' role of spy believable, to keep the Slytherins, the one whose parents were Death Eaters, convinced that Severus Snape was on their side and nothing has changed since he'd brought Harry Potter into his care, just like Draco who had to pretend he was still one of them.

And Harry wasn't sure if he was ready for that. But he would have to be. There was no other choice. September 1st was coming whether he liked it or not.

Severus, who was dropping Harry off at the Burrow right after the beach, kept reminding Harry several times as they cleaned up, getting ready to leave, that it was alright to change his mind, that he didn't have to take the train to Hogwarts. He could just join the students when they started arriving at the Great Hall, but Harry was dead set against changing his mind. He only had two years of Hogwarts left. That meant he only had two chances of riding the Hogwarts Express on September 1st with his friends.

Severus eventually relented and so, it was agreed that the Burrow was still their next destination where Harry would spend the night and travel with his friends to Hogwarts. And of course there were going to be extra guards since it was still so soon after his abduction, but Harry was willing to go along with it. Especially if it soothed Severus' worries over Harry reaching the school safely.

.

.

Once everything was cleaned up and packed, and Severus had banished every bit of sand off of them and used a refreshing charm on both of them to get most of the dried seawater off, they were ready to go.

Severus pulled Harry into a hug, a big hug. Harry at first flinched from the sudden contact, but he quickly made himself relax. Severus only held him, not acknowledging it. And once Harry felt himself melt into the hug, he wrapped his arms around his dad.

"I'll be gone for only a night, Sev," Harry said, his voice muffled against the black robes Severus had put back on himself, hiding his beach clothes underneath. He could feel the steady beat of his dad's heart and still smell the sea after all of the refreshing charms.

"That doesn't mean I won't miss you. My quarters will be very quiet when I return without you."

"It's nice to know that you enjoy my ruckus," Harry grinned against Severus' robes.

Severus laughed at that and then pulled away.

"Just take care, Harry. And please stay out of trouble. I expect to see you tomorrow at the start of the term feast."

"I'll try to be careful," Harry said. "But remember, trouble always finds me…"

"Stop that!" Severus scowled, causing Harry to laugh.

"Gryffindors…" Severus muttered as he pulled out an old muggle cap. "Put your hand on the portkey. I have something for you once we arrive at the Burrow."

"What is it?" Harry grinned with surprise.

"You'll just have to wait and see," Severus said with a smile as Harry touched the portkey and it immediately glowed blue.

And along with his dad, Harry felt himself get pulled away from the salty air, the soft and warm sand, the bright sun and the crashing of the waves… And towards the field behind the Burrow, the quietness disturbed by the muffled ruckus of the Weasleys coming from inside their home.

---

The few days that passed after the full-moon were cloudy and confusing for Remus. Time slipped away, and he was stuck in a dark and dreamless sleep. But it didn't frighten him at all. It was warm and heavy and safe. A comfortable weight, as if someone draped a heavy blanket over his shoulders.

At first, it was just that. Remus floating in the darkness. Content to just be. Then he began to hear the voices.

Trapped between waking and sleeping. Their voices would echo through the darkness. Madam Pomfrey, Tonks, Harry, Severus and Dumbledore...

Dumbledore: You're doing everything you can, Poppy. And our dear Remus is out of the woods, thanks to you.

Tonks: Remus… Remus, can you hear me?

Madam Pomfrey: He just needs time, he'll wake soon… His body just needs to heal.

Severus: Take your time, wolf….

Harry: Remus, I'm sorry, I'm so sorry….

Harry's gentle murmurs, pleading for Remus to get better, to wake up. His whispered apologies for putting himself in danger and his gratitude for Remus rescuing him from Greyback, for fighting for him. When Remus heard Harry's voice, floating safe and warm in the darkness, it made him want to find his cub's hand and squeeze it. To let him know that everything was okay. That Remus would come back down to earth soon, but he just needed time.

Remus just needed time.

And when Remus would hear Severus' voice, it made him want to reach out for it. It made him consider opening his eyes, just to see Severus' own obsidian dark eyes. To see if they would be as warm as the darkness Remus was floating in.

But he needed time….

Time to just be in blissful comfort and peace, where nothing could touch him, nothing could hurt him. Where grief and pain and guilt and loss couldn't reach him, couldn't suffocate his heart. He needed time to be away from Kaylie's red eyes watching him or her whispering anger. The guilt of her death. Remus needed time to be away from his father's disappointment. Where his lectures couldn't reach his ears, forcing him to push people away and live his life alone. Remus needed time away from the nightmares of that cellar, laying weakened and sick, from the torture he was subjected to and Greyback's pleas to join his side. Where dying kids didn't echo around him, reminding him of the monster he held inside his soul. Remus needed time to be in a place where the wolf didn't exist and he was just alone. His soul untouched. And he could just be….

After a day or so of that, Remus started waking up.

Everytime he opened his eyes he would feel groggy and confused. He had no idea where he was, and his body, his limbs, they felt heavy, so heavy he couldn't even lift up his head. He could barely keep his eyes open and his skin, it would feel itchy and tight. He wanted to scratch but he couldn't and the pain, the pain was never ending and he just wanted to go back to that warm darkness.

The few times this would happen, Remus would try to voice his pain. The circular window, Remus would remember the sky before Madam Pomfrey would give him something to fall back to sleep, back to floating around in the warm darkness of sleep like a lost spirit. Sometimes the sky outside the window would be either midnight-blue with twinkling stars shining down or a bright sky-blue with the rays of the sun trickling in.

It was during one of these episodes when Remus found himself opening his eyes, finding himself trapped in his own body. He couldn't move his heavy limbs that felt as if someone spelled away all of his bones. He couldn't speak, couldn't form words and was only able to grunt out his pain and fear. His eyes found the sun in the sky, causing him to squint. It gave him a headache and Severus, he closed the blinds. His dark eyes full of concern, murmuring soft and gentle words of comfort. Words that flowed through Remus, but couldn't understand. Severus lifted a bottle to Remus' lips and then Remus felt himself drifting away.

Back to safety and comfort.

And through it all, the whole time Remus was stuck in this limbo between waking and sleeping, Remus was simply waiting for that one voice.

The voice he'd heard clearly in his head before the moon rose and he and Greyback had turned into their wolf forms and their battle began.

There's more cracks! His defenses are breaking! Keep going! He sounds fucking insane! He's just spewing all this crap because he's getting desperate!

And the scent… His scent, a scent Remus didn't think he'll ever smell again. It had broken his heart, filling it with longing and grief until it began to crack, seeping through to his very core.

And Remus waited and waited….

Sirius… Sirius, where are you? I've felt you… I know I did… Please, come back… Come back, don't leave me alone….

Remus waited in the darkness. Waited to hear Sirius' voice again… Waited to catch any trace of his scent…or even a dream.

The dreams he had during the days and nights he'd spent lying on that cellar floor… The memories… They had felt so real than, and he would give anything to fall under one right that second, waiting for them to return to him as his body worked overtime to heal his wounds, with potions flowing through his bloodstream, aiding in closing up his torn flesh, scabbing over and leaving fresh new scars.

Floating in warm and comfortable darkness.

Remus' body quickly healing.

Trapped between waking and sleeping.

The sunlight and the stars in that circular window.

Severus' gentle murmurs.

And Madam Pomfrey, gently and quietly attending to his healing wounds.

Squeezing Harry's hand.

Remus just needed time to be at peace, time to be waiting and waiting and waiting for Sirius…looking for him…always looking for him….

.

.

The next time Remus woke, he knew this time it was different. This time he woke up knowing where he was and the pain was gone. He caught sight of Madam Pomfrey standing near the foot of his bed, measuring out potions that were most likely for him.

She hadn't noticed him, and Remus wanted to alert her that he was awake. He tried speaking but his voice came out slurred.

"Remus!" Someone squeezed his hand, causing him to flinch a bit. He turned his head and saw Tonks, the young witch with her pink hair pulled up into a messy bun. She was dressed in her Auror robes, looking as if she had come from work.

Madam Pomfrey was at Remus' side, gently turning his face to her. "Good morning, dear. Or should I say good afternoon? You've had quite a sleep. I'm going to light my wand, just to see your pupils, okay?"

Remus tried to say yes, but his throat was scratchy.

Madam Pomfrey raised the light coming from the tip of her wand to his eyes, checking the left then the right. She then waved her wand in a complicated manner, muttering a spell to herself and a scroll of Remus' vitals appeared. She checked it over for a few moments then looked back up at Remus.

"Everything seems to be in order. Are you feeling any pain, stiffness?"

Remus closed his eyes at the question, mentally scanning over his body. His neck and shoulder. The skin felt tight and itchy. The muscles were sore. The same for his leg, it wasn't in pain, just ached a bit if he moved it too much. The skin felt tight and itchy as well.

Remus tried to tell her all of that, but his throat felt as if he'd swallowed a bunch of sand.

Water… How refreshing that suddenly sounded.

"Can… I…" Remus cleared his throat, then croaked "Water?"

"Oh, of course!" Tonks said. She let go of Remus' hand, then poured a cup of water from the pitcher on the night table.

Madam Pomfrey helped Remus to slowly sit up as Tonks passed the cup to Remus, helping him hold it up to his lips.

The water went down his throat, cool and refreshing, bringing life back into him.

When he was done, Tonks fluffed some pillows behind him so he could comfortably lean against the headboard. His entire body felt sore. He stretched out his limbs feeling them pop with a sigh of relief. He no longer felt as if he'd fallen off a broom in the middle of a heavy rain storm.

"So can you answer my question now, Remus? Do you feel any pain?" Madam Pomfrey asked as she handed him a few potions to take.

Tonks gave Remus a small smile, her blue eyes watering to see him finally awake.

"I'm just sore and my skin feels itchy, but no intense pain. Can I have more water?" Remus said, finally able to speak a bit better.

Tonks lifted the cup to his lips again. He weakly wrapped his fingers over her as he gripped the cup, not wanting to seem completely helpless. He felt his cheeks blush at her silent support.

"It's your body still healing the wounds. The minor bites and scratches are now nothing more than scars that are fading away with the help of this…" Madam Pomfrey held up a small jar so Remus could see it. "Courtesy of our Potions Master."

She put the jar down. Remus felt his gut flip at the mention of Severus, but he pushed it away as Madam Pomfrey continued speaking.

"It's the three big wounds that's making you feel sore and itchy. They're still healing, scabbing over nicely without any signs of infections. I think you'll be lucky enough that there won't be any major scarring…"

Remus must've looked confused because Tonks squeezed his hand again. "Remus, what is the last thing you remember?" she asked gently.

Madam Pomfrey stayed silent, giving him a moment to think.

Remus looked back into his memories, until he could finally see himself confronting Greyback in the cellar. Harry's unconscious form slumped against the cellar wall. The full-moon rising. Remus and Greyback changing into their wolf forms.

After that the memories were a bit hazy, but due to the wolfsbane Remus had taken, he was able to recall what happened after….

Remus and Greyback battling it out while Severus appeared and succeeded in getting Harry out of there. Severus leaving. The fight becoming more vicious, until Remus was able to get Greyback's neck between his jaws. His fangs pierced into the delicate flesh of his enemy's throat. Remus could remember the temptation to chomp down and perform the killing bite. The wild instincts of the wolf to kill anything that was a threat to its pack. Then Severus returned and through Legilimency, he was able to convince Remus to let Greyback go.

Greyback almost dying and Severus saving his wretched life. He didn't deserve that, but Severus insisted, saying he was only saving Remus from being like Greyback. He was saving Remus' soul.

As Remus watched Greyback teetering on the line between life and death, Remus could remember feeling that he had won more than just their fight. He beat Greyback down, making Remus the alpha and Greyback the omega. This meant Remus was the true leader of Greyback's pack if he'd ever decided to join them. But Remus never would. It was enough for him to prove to Greyback that Remus was stronger, faster, more clever than him and he could take him down if he really wanted to. And the words Greyback threw at him, the torture he'd put him under, Greyback was wrong. Remus would never be like his wretched enemy lying on the floor, almost dying. He'll never be a cold-blooded killer like him. Never accept the fact that he was Greyback's son through creation.

Then Dumbledore and the Order of the Phoenix finally arrived.

The long and painfully slow walk to the castle with Severus, until everything began to spin around him… His vision growing dark… The pain began to take over, his wounds screaming with each small movement. A cold floor that provided relief… Then nothing….

Remus explained most of what he could remember to Madam Pomfrey and Tonks, but he left out the parts of how he'd felt about beating Greyback, the wild feelings he had when he was a wolf. They didn't need to hear that… Didn't need to hear how monstrous Remus was that night.

In response, Madam Pomfrey went into detail on the state Remus was in after he'd lost consciousness. The wounds he had on his neck, shoulder and leg. How Severus helped her.

No wonder his skin felt itchy and tight. His wounds were able to heal at a rapid pace thanks to Remus being a werewolf and with the care of Madam Pomfrey and her experience and talent with healing werewolf wounds.

And throughout her explanation, Remus tried to act like his heart wasn't skipping a beat every time she'd mention Severus helping her. Tried to act like he suddenly didn't just have a resurfaced memory, pushing itself to the forefront of his mind. It was vague and fuzzy, and it was full of pain caused from his full-moon change, from wolf to man, and the reopened wounds it caused. Remus was in the hospital bed, the same one he was in now. And Severus was there, speaking to him. His dark tired eyes as he'd covered Remus with a blanket and their eyes connected for a moment… The words they'd spoken to each other until Remus started slipping into the darkness….

Remus felt his ears, the back of his neck and cheeks grow warm… He forced his attention back to Madam Pomfrey.

"The wound on your leg was a nasty bite, but it's managed to heal. That's the one that gave me so much trouble, but it's healing. You're going to be okay as long as you get plenty of rest, and you're going to be sore for a while, Remus."

"Remus, are you alright? You're looking a bit flushed," Tonks said.

Remus banished all thoughts of Severus out of his mind.

"Can I have more water?" he asked.

"Of course, but take this." Madam Pomfrey handed him one last potion. "You can wash it down with the water."

Remus did as he was told, then was granted with another cup of water. He had half a mind to drink the entire pitcher full of the refreshing liquid.

"How long have I been here?" Remus asked, wiping his mouth, feeling the long stubble on his face.

"About three days. The first day you'd spent unconscious, then yesterday and the day before you'd kept waking up, but you were in pain and pretty much out of it from the healing and pain potions I was spelling into your system. Severus and I kept an eye on you, putting you back to sleep every time that happened."

Remus felt himself blush again at the thought of Severus sitting at his bedside, watching him sleep. Remembering his warm eyes and his gentle mutters that suddenly made sense….

Go back to sleep, wolf… Take your time to heal… You're going to be okay, I'm here… Take your time….

How did Severus know that was exactly what Remus had needed? Time….

"I'm going to have a house-elf bring you some broth. Your system needs the nutrients. It's worked overtime trying to heal all your wounds," Madam Pomfrey said, breaking Remus out of his thoughts.

"Term starts tomorrow, doesn't it?" Remus asked, going off on the calculations in his head.

Madam Pomfrey nodded.

"I want to rest in my quarters," Remus insisted. "I don't want to start the year off stuck in the hospital wing. If you release me, I promise to not overwork myself." And Remus didn't voice his second reason to why he wanted to be in his quarters. He just suddenly wanted to be alone. He was aware that Tonks was still there, sitting silently by him. He appreciated her support, he really did, but he was too nice to voice her unwanted company in front of her.

"Remus, you just woke up. I would really like you to stay here just for a few more days."

Remus turned his pleading eyes towards Madam Pomfrey.

Tonks giggled. "I don't see the harm in it, Poppy. I can stay with him for a bit of the day, make sure he holds up to his promise at least."

With Tonks' support, Remus found himself suddenly happy with her company. She was on his side. He continued his pleading stare at the medi-witch.

Madam Pomfrey began to falter, then sighed, "You know I could never say no to you when you look at me like that, dear."

Remus smiled and then said to Tonks, "That look has worked on her for years. You'll think by now she'll grow resistant to it?"

Tonks laughed.

"Oh hush, both of you!" Madam Pomfrey scowled, then said, "Before I change my mind."

That shut both of them up.

"First, before we move you, I want you to rest a while here, Remus. Have some broth, then we'll get you to your quarters. How does that sound?"

Remus sighed. It was no use arguing any further so he accepted Madam Promfrey's compromise.

Once the broth was brought up from the kitchens by a house-elf and Remus ate every bite, now thoroughly enjoying Tonks' company and feeling a bit guilty for not wanting her there at first. She explained to him what had happened to Greyback, how he was sent to Azkaban without a trial, due to him being the most wanted werewolf in all of Britain. Then under the glare of Madam Pomfrey, Remus laid back down and rested his eyes for about an hour. Tonks took the time to go down to the kitchens and grab some lunch for herself.

And once the hour of rest was up and Tonks had returned with some food for Madame Pomfrey who rechecked his vitals and rubbed more balm on his new scars, then she said with defeat, "Come on, Remus, I'll help you up. Are you sure you don't want to use a charmed stretcher?"

"No, a cane would be just fine."

"I'll make sure he gets there in one piece," Tonks promised with a roll of her eyes.

"Stubborn as always," Madam Pomfrey only said with a shake of her head then thanked Tonks for her help and the food.

Remus managed to get up on shaky legs, leaning on the cane Madam Pomfrey had ready for him, with Tonks helping him to stand. Madam Pomfrey made him go slowly towards the door at first, then stand there for a while just to assure her that he wasn't feeling dizzy from all the movement.

They then made their slow descent out of the tiny room, then through the hospital wing, passing by all of the empty beds. Remus' eyes traveled over them, wondering if Harry had been released. He had learned that Harry was okay, the wounds to his face and head had been easy to heal, but Remus had expected to see him still resting in the hospital wing.

"Where is Harry?" Remus asked, his voice was now strong and clear after all of the potions, water, broth and rest.

"He was released yesterday. I think Severus took him out today for a beach trip," Madam Pomfrey said, her voice full of disapproval at the idea.

"Fresh air can do a person wonders," Tonks said.

"Is that why they aren't at my bedside?"

Tonks shot Remus a peculiar look at his question, but he pretended not to see it.

"They'll return in the evening, I'm sure… Do you want me to send Severus a message that you're awake. He was very concerned about leaving you today."

Remus felt touched at the thought of Severus Snape being concerned for him, yet embarrassed that Tonks was there to hear it.

"No, let them enjoy their time. I'm not going anywhere."

"Are you sure, Remus?" Madam Pomfrey said. "Severus did request to let me know if there were any changes from you while he was away. He was quite adamant about that."

This time Remus blushed, avoiding his eyes away from Tonks. He could feel her curiosity coming off in waves at his and Madam Pomfrey's conversation about Severus Snape.

"I'm quite sure, Poppy."

To Remus' relief, they did not speak anymore and they finally made it to the Defense corridor. Remus hid his heavy breaths and shaking legs caused from the exertion of the stairs. He didn't want Madam Pomfrey to see and be sent back to the hospital wing on a floating stretcher.

"It's still early in the day, my office would do just fine. I want to look over my lesson plans for tomorrow," Remus insisted. He was leaning on his cane and on his other side Tonks was holding him up, his arm around her shoulders and her arm wrapped around his waist.

Madam Pomfrey walked beside them. "You've promised me you'll rest, Remus," she scolded.

"I got a sofa in there, I'll keep my leg propped up."

Madam Pomfrey frowned, "I'm already regretting allowing you to leave the hospital wing so soon."

"Don't, Poppy. You know I can look after myself."

"If you've quit arguing… My back is going to break," Tonks interrupted, gritting her teeth from bearing Remus' weight.

"Oh, sorry, Tonks!" Remus laughed.

Madam Pomfrey shook her head but she gave in, opening the office door with Remus' password for them. And once she was sure Remus was settled and comfortable on his sofa, with a kettle of tea heating up in the fireplace, did she finally check his vitals one more time before deciding Remus was well enough for her to go back down to the hospital wing.

.

.

Tonks stayed until the afternoon turned late. With steaming cups of tea in their hands, they talked about how brave Remus was to come up with that rescue plan for Harry, how sorry Tonks was to not support it at first. She was just angry at him for endangering his life like that… And Remus told her there was no need to apologize… He understood… He would've been angry at her if the roles were reversed. Then Remus fell asleep… Tonks pulling the mug out of his hands was the last thing he remembered before waking up to his empty office. The sun seen from the window was low in the sky. A note on his coffee table from Tonks, telling him to rest. To have a good first day of teaching tomorrow and that they'll hang out again soon… Remus smiled at the idea. He really did enjoy her company this afternoon, despite not wanting it at first…but now…finally he was alone….

Remus slowly got up and limped to his desk without his cane. His pile of work, lesson plans for every class, books strewn about, a few of them were opened and marked. And unable to stand anymore, Remus sat on his chair.

He couldn't believe that he was teaching at Hogwarts tomorrow. Remus never believed that he would be able to walk this castle's corridors as a professor again, especially with what had happen during Harry's third year, of Remus running as a wolf, loose on the grounds without Wolfsbane to help or any of the Marauders to keep the wolf under control, like they had done in the past.

But yet, here he was, sitting at his desk, preparing for a new year of teaching at Hogwarts. It was a career Remus had always wanted to do his whole life. Being a professor was always a passion of his, a passion that could only be a dream simply because of the fact that he was a werewolf. Who in their right minds would hire Remus as a professor? Only Albus Dumbldore it seemed, and Remus smiled at the thought.

Only Albus Dumbldore was mad enough to give Remus a chance, and even a second one. And Remus should be happy for that, grateful even, and he was…deep down he was…but it was tainted. He still had his reservations about it. Like what if he somehow ended up loose on the school grounds during the full-moon again? He was very aware of the Defense Against the Dark Arts curse, meaning something might happen at the end of the year, but then again he was the only one to ever come back. Maybe he'd somehow broken the curse? Or maybe...something still might happen?

Remus forced himself to just take Alastor's advice: Constant Vigilance! There was nothing else he could do about it, really… Just keep his eyes open and his hearing sharp for any signs of trouble.

Remus sighed at his churning thoughts as he went over his lesson plans, revising them, adding a few notes here and there.

Honestly, if things were different, if Remus hadn't almost died twice this summer, leaving him too weak to go into hiding in the muggle world, living on the streets or in dingy motels as he did odd jobs to survive, like he used to in his early twenties, then Remus would have turned this position down. Being a werewolf was something he could never forget. Greyback made sure of that this summer. And it was foolish of him to try and live a normal human life…a normal life in the wizarding world, doing what he loved, teaching… But he wasn't young anymore, and especially from the torture Greyback put Remus through, the injuries over the years from the full-moon changes, it all took its toll on Remus' body. He could never survive on the streets like that anymore… And so Remus had found himself agreeing to the position… There was no other choice.

Remus flipped through his lesson plans one last time before rolling them up into scrolls and organizing them by the order of his classes tomorrow. He then closed up all of his books. Stacking them to the side, rearranging everything on his desk so everything was neat and ready for the first day, the first week. Then Remus suddenly found himself with nothing to do as he admired his clean and organized desk.

Indeed, he was ready for the new school year, but his head was still stuck in the past. His hand slowly found its way to his chest where underneath his sweater, burned into his skin, right over his beating heart, was the werewolf brand. Remus hated it. He hated the reminder of what he truly was. He could pretend all he wanted that he was human, but with that label permanently etched into his skin, it would always be a constant reminder.

A constant reminder that Greyback had stripped Remus of his humanity. He took everything from Remus this summer. His dignity as a human being. His sanity, his mental health now shattered by the trauma and nightmares… His happiness… His very soul. Greyback took it all… Made Remus into a murderer… And how could Remus even teach his students when he had killed children their own age, some even younger than most of his students… Even if Remus had bested him in their fight, it proved that Remus could be just like Greyback, strong, a leader of a pack, leader to Greyback's pack that was rightfully his now. Remus' life was not the same anymore, no matter how much he'd wanted to pretend. The ugly brand over his heart made sure of that… Remus could never be the person he used to be.

Then Remus turned his head and spotted Sirius' guitar. He'll never again be that school boy, hopelessly in love with his best friend….

And he was reminded of the voice he heard in his head once more...

There's more cracks! His defenses are breaking! Keep going! He sounds fucking insane! He's just spewing all this crap because he's getting desperate!

Sirius was there with him during that fight. There was no doubt about it. Remus was sure, very sure. Just like how he was there when Remus had spent those terrible days lying on that cellar floor. Remus remembered the dreams. He remembered the memories so clearly and real as he fell unconscious from sickness. Sirius was there. He felt him there. And how strange for his will to show up just after Remus arrived at Hogwarts. As if the will was hidden, waiting for Remus to return. The guitar came back to him, somehow found its way back to Remus.

Remus summoned it to him, catching it from the air. Gently strumming the strings. The last time he had tried playing it, he had thrown it to the floor in anger. He felt sorry for that, so wrapped up in his anger and guilt over Kaylie's death. This old guitar represented so many memories of him and Sirius, and even the Marauders. Everything they'd gone through in the past, this old guitar was always there in the background. Sirius was always playing it for either a laugh or to cheer them up or to make Remus feel loved. Music was so important in Sirius' life. His childhood was not a happy one and before he found his passion in playing the guitar, Sirius was on a downward spiral. This old instrument that Remus was holding in his hands saved Sirius, music saved him, it let him express the pain or joy or whatever emotion he was going through as a teenager.

Remus had felt Sirius through this guitar. Felt him when he strummed the strings… Felt him as he remembered Sirius' voice, the gentle way he'd taught Remus how to play. In a way, receiving this guitar, somehow brought Sirius back to him. But this time as he held it, Remus felt nothing. The guitar just felt like any other instrument. And Remus held it and waited, strummed it a bit, waiting and waiting, like he waited in the warm darkness for Sirius' voice. Waited and waited and waited.

And when nothing happened, Remus realized he hadn't felt Sirius around since his defeat with Greyback. He hadn't felt Sirius when he was stuck unconscious in the hospital wing. No dreams had come to him. No memories of their time together had resurfaced. No more traces of Sirius' scent or his voice in Remus' head. The one voice Remus had waited for.

Sirius was gone. He was gone, moved on. Something in Remus just knew that. And what did Sirius mean by his disappearance? What was Sirius trying to tell Remus?

Then he suddenly thought of the night after Sirius died. Remus had lost himself in a drunken rage that turned into uncontrollable crying on the floor in Grimmauld Place. And before he'd lost himself to exhaustion, Remus promised to Sirius that he would never love again. He would never be happy again. He would never live again until they were reunited in the afterlife. And when Albus came with the proposal of his mission…will that was just perfect….

Now...looking back on that...Remus realized it was a foolish promise. A promise made from heartbreak and loss. A promise he knew he had to take back. Maybe...this was Sirius' way of answering to that promise… Maybe he didn't want Remus to keep it and by leaving, he was telling Remus to give up waiting for him to appear again in his dreams, to give up on that foolish promise he'd made. To be happy and live without him… Be happy, be there for Harry. Enjoy his life again. A year at Hogwarts meant he could be closer to his cub…

And… And start a friendship with Severus Snape… Remus' cheeks grew warm when he thought of the unnamed thing growing between them…. The kiss they'd shared….

And thinking of Harry and Severus, Remus didn't want to go through his life feeling nothing, just waiting to be with Sirius again. He wanted to enjoy his life again. He couldn't be that boy in love with Sirius Black anymore, couldn't be that heartbroken mess waiting for Sirius, but he could be this new version of himself. A guardian to Harry, a new friend and co-parent with Severus. A new friend to Tonks. He really did enjoy her company today and was looking forward to their next meet-up. A professor at Hogwarts, preparing his students for the upcoming war. Albus was right. They needed him.

And Remus was suddenly letting go of that promise

He was done with waiting.

He was giving up.

Once he's lived his life, then Sirius would be there. But not yet. Remus had to be patient, because even though he was letting Sirius rest in peace, he still loved him. He was willing to live again, to be happy again, but to love again? No, Sirius Black would always have his heart.

Remus began to strum the chords louder on the guitar, closing his eyes, hoping to just feel Sirius' presence one last time. It was all he wanted. Remus just had to know he was doing the right thing, because letting Sirius' memory rest in peace was so fucking heartbreaking. Letting this promise go was tearing him up inside, his soul shattering to a tiny million pieces on the floor. Remus just needed a sign. Maybe just a trace of Sirius' scent or a clear memory popping up in his head or just to feel the brush, a whisper of soft fingers playing the guitar over his own. Any sign would've been nice, but Remus didn't feel anything and he felt so alone. Sirius' spirit had passed on, leaving Remus behind.

Who do you think you are, Sirius? To just come into my life and make me fall for you so helplessly, changing me, breaking me forever… Then you just go… You keep leaving me and I can't wait for you to return to me anymore. I'm giving up on you, please give me a sign that you are listening. Say something, please! I'm giving up on you!

And when there was still no sign, instead of crying, which he very much felt like doing, Remus began to change his tune on the strings. It was almost as if someone was guiding him to play this music that he'd never written, but Remus kept playing, not questioning it. Playing only because no matter how broken he was feeling at the moment, the knowledge and acceptance of Sirius' spirit moving on and never returning had sort of freed Remus in a way. And maybe this was the sign Remus was just praying for… Maybe, Sirius did want Remus to move on with his life, to find happiness… Perhaps, Sirius was okay with the fact that Remus wasn't sitting around and wasting his life on missing him.

But Remus wasn't sure. It was all just a hunch and he sighed with frustration.

"I don't feel you anymore, Sirius. What are you trying to tell me? Is this your sign? To let you rest in peace. To let you go? Do you want me to give up on you?"

Remus felt awkward speaking to himself in his office.

There was no answer.

And so Remus lost himself in the melody he was playing... Words that weren't just his own...popping up in his head. Lyrics that described the chasm of emotions inside him that were so overwhelming… They had to be voiced… Is this song in my head your sign that I am right?

And so lost in the music, giving into it, Remus didn't realize his portrait door opening on its own as he began to sing…

"Say something, I'm giving up on you

I'll be the one if you want me to

Anywhere I would've followed you

Say something, I'm giving up on you…"