Chapter 113

By the time Nadia got to the top of the old war Gaol, she had shed a few tears but had pulled herself together, knowing someone had to be strong. She had expected to hear voices or perhaps shouting, but it was quiet above ground when Nadia used the air to pull herself out the manhole.

Dexter, Tanith, Saracen and Erskine were up there, and so was the van further down the field, but Tanith was incredibly pale and hunched over with Dexter and Saracen helping to keep her up, and Erskine pushing some hair gently behind the woman's ear. Nadia, slightly in awe and feeling a deep longing for the sort of bonds Valkyrie's family had, came over quickly.

"What's wrong?"

"The walk was difficult for Tanith," Dexter told her, not taking his attention from his friend. Perhaps sister was more accurate. He seemed to love her a lot.

"But where's Ghastly?"

Now all their faces soured. Tanith answered her. "Gone. I'm gonna be sick."

Nadia carefully rubbed Tanith's back while Dexter sprinted for the van and drove it over. They were all quiet on the way to Kenspeckle's, all tense from the visit and Ghastly.

At the Hibernian Cinema, Kenspeckle and one of his assistants practically pounced on Tanith at the door. Nadia ended up quietly leaning against the wall, trying to blend in, as Dexter and Erskine got angry explaining what Ghastly had inadvertently caused and Tanith began crying again and cursing her hormones.

They moved her off to a room to give her a check over, and without a real reason to stay with Tanith considering she was with the men, Nadia rubbed at her wrists awkwardly and went to see Valkyrie.

It was quiet in the ward at the back with the other few patients. There were a few beeps, and it really made Nadia feel strange to be in a magic hospital and there be beeping, but she was grateful to be away from the stress of the other room.

Valkyrie in herself gave her anxiety. She always did nowadays, though in a very different way to most people, the type she was very willing to ignore and get through because she trusted Valkyrie a whole lot more than most people. It was nothing Valkyrie had done, it was what other people had done, her own fears she wasn't good enough for someone like Valkyrie.

"Hey Val," she whispered, sitting back on the bed carefully. She moved Valkyrie's limp arm, which was surprisingly heavy, and wrapped it over her legs as if Valkyrie was holding her. Nadia smiled. "I hope you don't mind. I really miss you. We just went to see Skulduggery like I said to you earlier. It was – God it was bad Val." She began to tear up and lent over Valkyrie, holding herself up by leaning her arm next to Valkyrie's head and gently smoothed her hair with the other. "I guess I'll say about Skulduggery first. He said that he didn't do it. He helped them, but it was because they were torturing Solomon. I believed him, and so does Tanith, and I think Erskine does too, but Saracen and Dexter are still on the fence. We're still really mad though because, I don't know, he helped them. But I kind of understand too? If you were being tortured, I'd agree to blow something up if I thought they'd stop too. But then, you're meant to be his daughter, kind of, and it's just so sick to think about."

Nadia took a deep breath and carefully calmed herself before she began to talk again. "Something else happened. After we, that being me, Tanith and Saracen, got to your house, Tanith and Ghastly had a fight. And a bad one too. They screamed at each other with me and the others right there, and Tanith said if he told her what to do again, she would break up with him. It was really bad on the drive over, and then at the Gaol where Skulduggery was, Ghastly got mad and said he didn't want to forgive Skulduggery even if he didn't do it because he thinks he likes causing pain and something about something he did before. I don't know what, but he said he didn't believe his story and stormed out and he pushed through us all and I think he accidentally hit Tanith when he pushed passed. She's really bad. She was crying and she's thrown up and was in loads of pain. I really wish you were here. You would have called him back and punched him and made him see what he did. But he just disappeared and Tanith's sick and your brothers are mad, and I don't know what to do Val." A tear fell from her eye and splashed onto Valkyrie's pale, pretty skin. "I promised not to cry. God, I want a hug so bad. I want you to wake up and make it better."

Valkyrie didn't move except to breath.

.*****.

The next trip was to the temporary Sanctuary – a little building in the middle of nowhere for meetings – which Nadia opted out of and stayed in the car alone, listening to the radio on low and wallowing in her worry and fear. She'd worked herself up in the hospital and had a bit of a sobbing fit, but all she could think about when she was crying about not having a hug was that Anton had severe burn wounds all over his body and almost all the bones in his chest were broken in at least two places, Tanith was in extreme pain, Valkyrie's brothers had no idea what to do, Solomon was probably being tortured, and Valkyrie might die. She hadn't known what to do except feel so damn awful she had left Valkyrie's side, making her feel worse, and hid in the bathroom for an hour.

She'd scratched at her arms and sobbed, feeling more alone and guilty than ever, scratching until she had to pick skin from under her nails and her arm bled.

She didn't know how to hide the scratches, but had washed them and patted them dry. They were thin but there were a few, so it would take a while to heal. In the safety of the car, she rolled up her sleeve to reassess how they were now she wasn't panicking about someone coming into the bathroom or getting blood on her clothes. They had clotted and she wasn't bleeding, which was a relief, but everywhere her nails had dug in, even where there wasn't a cut, were lines of pink swelling that was incredibly sensitive.

She had promised herself to stop after she got back together with Valkyrie, but this was the fifth time she'd broken that promise, although this time was the worst. The only reason she'd been able to hide it was because she had an abundance of healing stones she used once scratches or cuts healed enough one could be used. That's why in India she had done it to her thighs and waist where the other girls wouldn't see, wouldn't worry, wouldn't get upset.

But the urge, seeing how bad everything suddenly was in Valkyrie's amazing life, had been too much and she hasn't been able to control herself. Now the urge was gone and not only was there the pressure, guilt, social awkwardness and stress, but she was also in pain. And she had a familiar hollow feeling in her stomach. She probably wouldn't throw up anything but water, but she might do it anyway if she kept feeling so bad. Her ability to deal with stress was incredibly awful and too much stress often lead to her feeling so nauseous she threw up. Her parents demanding she somehow "stop having" her "eating disorder" didn't exactly help the situation. She didn't want to do this, she didn't like not fitting her clothes. It wasn't her fault.

She pulled a face at her horrid thoughts and tried to think of something else while she waited.

She ended up playing a stupid game on her phone for almost a full hour, almost until her phone ran out of battery and it was way past seven in the evening, for the others to come back. She put it away in her purse quickly and watched as they tiredly came in and sat down, Dexter in the front and turning on the van without a sound. Erskine closed the back and sat down, rubbing a hand over his face. Tanith was pale and grim but she gave Nadia an unconvincing smile that Nadia smiled back to. Saracen didn't even look at her. They set off.

She tried to stay quiet, didn't even really want to know, but decided she needed to. She knew the rest. Why not? "What happened?"

"They're releasing Skulduggery," Erskine said in a low voice, almost defeated.

"Really?" She asked after a moment of shock.

"Meritorious' orders," Saracen told her, closing his eyes.

"Is it not a good thing?" Saracen, Erskine and Tanith looked at her and she felt herself blush. "I, er, I mean, he's a detective. I know he's done a bad thing, but can't he help find that Craven guy and fight the Spiders?"

Dexter snorted from the front of the car. "He'd try and do it alone and get himself captured again. I say let him go. He'll just end up in another cage."

Nadia bit her lip and sunk down a little into the thin pillow on the floor she was sat on. She'd also learnt in the last few months that she didn't like angry people. She could deal with them if she had to but they generally made her scared, awkward and wish she were anywhere else. Like falling through a hole in the ground, far, far away.

"And then we'll have to rescue him," Erskine pointed out. Dexter made a grumbling sound. "He'll be at the house in the morning."

"We just need some sleep," Tanith said wearily. "Then we'll all talk and deal with this. No matter what, we need a plan to get Solomon back."

"Tomorrow," Saracen said loudly before anyone could make a remark. Valkyrie had never said Saracen was much of a peacekeeper. She'd said he liked stirring things up. A little softer, he continued. "We'll talk tomorrow."

They all fell silent, and Nadia was grateful for it. She avoided looking at anyone on the way back, and in the house, she breathed in the smell of Valkyrie. There was a bit of a man smell from all of them that lived there, but mostly it smelt like Valkyrie. It comforted Nadia on one level, but also reminded her immediately of her lack of presence. She always took up so much room, so tall with intense, pretty eyes and black clothes that the recently white painted front entry hall looked cold without her. She followed the others into the parlour.

Tanith already had the phone in her hand and waved her over.

"Hi, can I make an order for, er, four large pizza's, a garlic bread pizza and three sides of wings? Thanks, I want one cheese, one meat feast, one pepperoni, and Nadia, what do you what?"

Nadia made a face and quickly answered, "Vegetarian."

"And a vegetarian." Tanith finished the order by telling them the address and then hung up before pulled Nadia onto the couch with her and dialling another number.

"Who are you calling?" Nadia asked.

"My maternity hospital. The pizza place is literally down the street so you're going to answer the door. There's money in the drawer right there. Then we're going to talk."

Nadia didn't like the sound of that, but she did wait, and twenty minutes later the pizza man came and she answered it and gave the man his money and a five euro tip, making the young man smile happily, and took the food through to the living room. The men had congregated there from wherever in the house they had disappeared to for those last twenty minutes and helped her set the boxes up on the coffee table before ravaging it.

Nadia carefully emptied one of the wing boxes and put a bit of everything in there and put it on the sofa for Tanith, knowing she must be hungry since she was pregnant and all, and then took a slice of pizza for herself. She hadn't liked vegetarian pizza until the girls she shared a room with basically told her that eating anything else was disgusting and didn't allow her to order anything else when they got takeaway. She was lucky in that she had ended up enjoying it, but when she remembered how she found out that like, it saddened her too. Still, she ate a few slices, plus some garlic bread, until she was way passed stuffed.

Tanith put a hand on Nadia's shoulder and Nadia didn't fight the inevitable, though she did start worrying again. Tanith smiled, but it didn't really do anything. Nadia grabbed her bag on the way up.

She was taken, not to her own room, but to Valkyrie's. She frowned at Tanith when the woman sat on the bed heavily. "I thought you'd appreciate a familiar room. This place is kind of big, and since I wasn't sure how long you wanted to stay, I figured you'd rather be in here."

"That's okay," Nadia said.

"I can show you a different one if you like?" Tanith said, watching her closely.

"No, really, it's fine. I – I like this room," she said stupidly and lowered her head. She put her bag down quietly.

"Come sit with me, Nadia," Tanith said quietly, and Nadia went and sat on the bed with her. "Look at me. You need to stop stressing. Okay? Not just about Valkyrie. Not just about Skulduggery. Everything else? Out of your control. Nothing to worry about. Nothing to even think about."

"It's just hard," she found herself saying, her eyes welling up for the trillionth time that day. It had been a really long day.

"I know, honey," Tanith said sympathetically. "But it's how it goes. I want to worry about everything, but that's why we have family. Right now, I have my brothers helping me with pain. I have you helping me with Valkyrie. And even if he is a cowardly dick, I have Ghastly with the baby." But will he even be there? Nadia thought horribly and then shook that disgusting thought far away. It was a mistake, she thought firmly. "This is a tough time, for me and you, and all of us, but we'll cope. Even Valkyrie. I know she'll be okay. Maybe not tomorrow or a week from now, but she will be. And that guilty look in your eye? Don't even bother. You need to forget all ideas of guilt. You've done nothing wrong at all."

"I just feel bad," Nadia said, unconsciously touching her hurt arm. She let it go quickly. "I feel like, if Valkyrie was here, nothing would be wrong. Or at least, it would be ten times simpler to handle."

"Valkyrie's pretty good at solving problems," Tanith said, smiling slightly. Her eyes betrayed how tired she was. "Look, I want to stay and tell you how good it'll be, but I don't know how this is going to turn out, and I really need to pee, and I'm incredibly tired."

Nadia plastered on her smile. "Don't worry. Go sleep and stuff, I'll see you tomorrow."

Tanith didn't look fooled but followed her own advice in not worrying as she hugged Nadia goodnight and left for her room across at the back of the house. Nadia had seen it almost two months ago when she and Valkyrie got back together, but she did wonder what it was like now.

She tried to focus on those cute thoughts of babies as she got in the shower next to Valkyrie's room, but the water stung her arm really bad and she just ended up crying in pain and trying to wash her hair one-handed. She was nearly eighteen, for Christ's sake! And she was there wishing Valkyrie was there to wash her hair, kiss her scratches and wrap her up in a warm towel. If she'd been dating her for the last seven months instead of pushing her out like an idiot, they'd have already done things like that, Nadia bet. Those thoughts led to more, and she ended up standing there for ages, feeling bad about her actions.

She picked herself up, metaphorically, after some ten minutes, and sniffed through the shampoos until she found Valkyrie's and washed her hair with it. She wasn't sure on the body wash but found a nice one anyways and very carefully washed with that, using her hand since using the poof seemed a little too personal. There was a clean stack of towels she could dry with, which she did, and then she hesitated, opened the bathroom door slightly, looked around, and legged it to Valkyrie's room.

In there with the door locked, she forced herself to relax. She found Valkyrie's pyjamas under her duvet where she'd roughly made the bed and smelt them deeply like some weirdo. The comfort Valkyrie's smell gave her when she was alone was overwhelming, almost as much as it had been in India with her old Bespoke work jacket, and the other random clothes left behind. When the smell had worn out she'd been gutted.

She pulled the garments over her naked body, not even bothering to dry her hair even with magic, and curled up in the bed. The pillows smelt just like Valkyrie's hair. She loved that smell.

With a guilty, gut-wrenching feeling in her stomach, she squeezed her eyes shut and wished for sleep.

How depressing. It's almost as if Nadia is in a mental slide to doom!

At any rate, I hope you liked this and please send me a nice comment, message, or PM to encourage my productivity, it does work! Even if you just say how you think the story is going, I like to know your thoughts on all this. (ps even guests can comment!)

Thank you for reading :)