Chapter 110. The Seat Beside Him
On Sunday morning, Julia walked to church with Jake. He was dressed in red serge, because technically, he was on duty today. And he needed to be, after so many days away. Sure, Bill and Nathan had filled in for him, but it wasn't the same - Jake needed to be seen, and to catch up on things in his little town.
When they were nearly there, Henry Gowen's car pulled up just in front of the church. William and George got out, walked to the front passenger side door, and helped none other than Jimmy McIntosh, out of the car. In a brief moment of shock, Jake and Julia both slowed their cadence, glanced at each other, and then returned their gaze to the scene unfolding before them. George and William helped Jimmy right up the stairs, and into church. So Jimmy McIntosh had agreed to come to church?
Henry parked his car off to one side and entered, too. Jake and Julia went up the steps just behind him and greeted Henry at the door. Then Julia left Jake at his place in the back, and went over and greeted Jimmy, George, and William. Then, she made her way over to her usual seat - with Nathan, and Archie.
Julia looked around for Allie, and spotted her sitting with Emily and Opal. She gave her a little wave, which Allie returned with a big smile. Julia glanced once more at her brother, standing so tall and protective in the back, before she turned and scooted closer to Nathan. Julia was glad Jake was home, and hoped that his return would mean the opportunity for a conversation with Fiona.
When most of the congregants had arrived and were seated, Jake slid into the seat on the edge of the very last row. He was on duty, but preferred that back seat, first because he appreciated the vantage point, but also because he felt...less obvious. He stretched his back, hooked his arm casually over the back of the bench, and made himself comfortable.
He sat there alone as usual, until out of nowhere, Fiona Miller slid into the seat right beside him. He sat there shocked for a full second or two, until she looked up at him and smiled. Those dimples melted every bit of surprise and apprehension, and he was at a complete loss- he could only gaze at her. And she held his gaze as he searched her eyes, looking for meaning, something to explain this unexpected gesture.
Finally, he glanced forward and since Joseph hadn't started yet, he leaned closer, his green eyes now sparkling. "Well good morning, Miss Miller." He looked around the room and landed back on her. "Is this not…too defining for your taste?"
She didn't flinch but leaned her own measure and answered, just above a whisper, "No, Jacob. I just wised up and realized something." She paused and swallowed. "I don't care what others think. I only care what you think."
Jake exhaled the breath he didn't even realize he'd been holding. Those words were like music to his ears. First, she had considered what was between them. And second, his feelings mattered to her. "I would never push, nor demand, Fi."
Fiona had never let it be known, had never even admitted it to herself, but she could be honest now: she liked it when Jacob Matthews called her Fi. She loved the way it rolled off his tongue, like a velvety soft blanket around her. "I know." She told him with a cute little nod. "But this is me, making a choice, Jacob. I want to sit next to you."
Jake sat back against the bench and smiled contentedly over at her. She scooted one closer, which put her almost directly under his arm that was still stretched long across the back of the pew. And they sat there like that, together, until the music started. When they stood to sing, they wound up very close to each other, without even trying.
Jake had never heard Fiona sing before and was surprised by her beautiful dulcet tone. And Fiona enjoyed Jake's deep baritone. In fact, she sang softer just so she could hear him. At one point, she found a lovely harmony with his voice, and held it while he smiled over at her.
She wondered, to herself, why she had ever been so apprehensive before. This felt so completely natural. Why had she let fear rule, when it came to Jake? What had she been so afraid of?
As the song ended and they sat back down next to each other, Jake didn't put his arm back, as before. It seemed awkward to put his arm around her now, even if they had come so far in the span of fifteen minutes. But she sat so close to him, he was having a hard time following what Joseph was saying. And she smelled so good. Was it vanilla and spice? Or lilacs? It all mixed together and made his head spin, now that she was so close.
When the service was over, Jake gave Fiona his elbow, which she took without second thought. Julia was already outside and talking to Allie when she caught sight of them, out of the corner of her eye. She did a double take to be sure. But it was true - there was Jake, at the top of the stairs...with Fiona on his arm. And his face said it all. He was...beaming. And the way he looked over at Fiona, before he led her down the stairs, was telling. And the look that Fiona gave him in return, was impossible to miss. Had they talked since last night? And when? Hadn't he been in the back row all service long?
When they got on the lawn, Jake led Fiona over to join Nathan, Julia, Archie and Allie, but she reluctantly let go his arm just before they got there.
Allie greeted. "Hey, Uncle Jake."
"Hey, Kiddo." Jake responded.
Allie noticed Fiona there, too. "Hi, Miss Miller."
"Good morning, Allie." Fiona responded with a shy smile.
"Good to see you again, Miss Miller." Archie told her.
"It's good to see you all, too." Fiona replied, sending a smile around the group.
Archie looked at his granddaughter. "Are you ready to go, Allie girl? I need to get home, to the oven."
"Sure. I'll come with you, Grandpa." Allie replied, as she took his arm. They said their good byes and walked toward the row houses.
Julia couldn't pass up the opportunity to tease Jake a little. "Fiona, can you please do something about my brother's hair, before the wedding?"
Fiona just smiled up at him, "I already told him he should come and see me. But, I'm starting to think he likes it longer." She looked over his hair. "It is nice all wavy."
Julia giggled. "If you say so." She thought her brother looked nicer with shorter hair, though he was dashing either way. And today, he had a five-o'clock shadow, which wasn't really his normal look either. "He might need a hot shave, too."
Fiona giggled low and gave him her own perusal. And, she defended him. "If you ask me, he looks kinda…rugged."
That brought a slight but unmistakable blush to Jake's cheeks. His green eyes couldn't hide his contentment, at Fiona's defense and summation of his appearance, especially since he'd overslept and put off shaving this morning. Jake looked at his sister, since she was the one who'd started it. "I promise to get a haircut this week, sis."
Fiona smiled to herself. Somehow, that felt like a date. Sometime this week, she would see Jake again, and spend a little time with him. Even if it was only in her barber's chair. The prospect made her happy.
Something just over Jake's shoulder, in the direction of town, suddenly had Nathan's attention. Jake turned to see, and he immediately understood. Bill was approaching on Hero, with Ranger saddled and tethered beside him. That meant only one thing - there was work to be done.
Jake excused himself and walked out to meet Bill. "What's going on?"
Bill told him, "I just got a call from one of Lee's foremen. They're off work today, but there's a disturbance out at the sawmill housing. Some kind of accident. Nobody's seriously injured, but there's a dispute."
Jake looked back towards the group, and particularly Fiona. She could tell by the look on his face, he had to go. Fiona gave him a little wave bye, and he nodded sadly.
Bill handed him Ranger's reigns and Jake mounted in one fell swoop.
Fiona watched them ride way, until they were completely out of sight. She just couldn't help herself. Jake was so darn handsome, and what that red serge did to his green eyes. It was…something.
When she brought her attention back around to Julia and Nathan, she was completely lost, having not really followed the conversation, since the moment Jake had walked away.
Julia repeated herself. "Make it shorter this time, Fiona." Were they talking about Jake's hair?
Fiona just nodded. "Uh-huh. Okay. Sure." One thing was for certain, she would never cut away any of those cute blond curls at the base of Jake's hairline.
Julia just shook her head and giggled one time. "You agreed a little too fast, Fiona. You better hope I was talking about Jake's hair, and not your hemline."
Fiona chuckled light. "Ha. Ha. Ha." She looked at Nathan and back at Julia. "Be careful what you tease. You know, before long, ladies' hems might be even shorter!"
After a delightful Grant family lunch, Allie left to spend the day with Opal and Emily, and Archie retreated upstairs for his Sunday afternoon nap. So Nathan and Julia were left alone to finally finish their homework. Joseph and Minnie had given them two assignments this week: to talk about children, and finances. They had covered the conversation about children earlier in the week. But, hadn't yet found the time to talk about finances. And well, since they were due for another pre-marital meeting later this afternoon, they needed to get it done.
Nathan pulled out his journal and opened to the page where he was noting their assignments. Julia smiled at him. "I guess we waited to the last minute, didn't we?"
Nathan said with a little chuckle. "Yes. I guess so." He looked down at the questions and back at her. "We've been busy, and there were so many more interesting topics to cover."
Julia agreed. Finances were always awkward to talk about. Unless maybe you were a banker. "Okay. Let's just do it." She nodded. "First question."
Nathan liked this attitude. "Okay, we need to list out everything we own." He showed her in his notebook. His column and her column.
"Well, that won't take me long." Julia chuckled. "I own half of the house in Peggy's Cove, with Jake." He wrote that down. "What else should go on the list?"
Nathan read the notes he'd taken from Joseph. "By definition: anything of value."
She tried to think. "Okay. Then I guess you can write down my father's paintings, though they have little value outside of sentiment. Some jewelry from my mother, nothing of significant worth. And, my father's wedding band, that will soon be yours." Jake had inherited their mother's engagement ring and wedding band, and Julia had taken her father's simple gold band. And in less that two weeks, it would be on Nathan's finger.
She couldn't think of anything else. "That's it, my love." She told him, simply. "And you?"
Nathan looked at his side of the list. "I own half of the ranch." He wrote that down. "A few horses there, and Ginger."
Julia couldn't help but ask. "And Newton?"
"Technically, he's property of the Royal NWMP. But if I ever leave, I'll buy him, that's for sure." Nathan told her, and his attachment to his horse was made evident by the lines of his brow, just between his eyes, when he explained. "Like I told you when we first met, I won't part with my horse." He smiled playfully at her, remembering that moment so long ago, when he had happened upon her walking back down to town, from her wildflower field. She'd been upset about Jake, and he'd offered her a lift. She'd been embarrassed for half a second, and then jokingly asked if Newton were for sale. He'd told her he wouldn't part with his horse, even for her. And she had simply smiled at his implied meaning, that she had become someone of importance to him.
"I remember." She smiled at him, obviously recalling the very same memory. "So Newt won't be half mine when we get married?" She made an attempt to look genuinely sad about that.
"Nope." He saw the cute face she made. "Why?" Nathan squinted his eyes inquisitively and joked. "Is that the only reason you're marrying me?"
"Well, if you must know. Yes. yes, it was." She said with a huge teasing grin. "Now I have to find a new reason."
He chuckled loud and leaned close. He kissed her ever so tenderly on the cheek. Butterflies went all the way to her toes. He whispered just next to her ear. "Maybe I could give you a reason."
She turned her face just slightly and looked into his eyes. Then she kissed him. Sweet and tender. When she pulled back, she let out a long exhale and smoothed out her skirt, like she could actually undo all those pleats in her purposely pleated skirt. "There's reason enough," she whispered.
Nathan let out a soft chuckle and shook his head at her. "You get me every time, Miss Matthews."
Julia met his gaze. No one had ever elicited such feelings in her. Not even close. Nathan Grant was the only one for her. So she replied with her own the truth. "You get me, too, Mr. Grant. Like none other."
He looked down at his notes, which seemed unimportant now in comparison to their rich emotions. The feelings Nathan had for Julia were unlike any he'd ever felt before. And, it was incredible how fast the emotions could overtake them. Out of nowhere. They had been joking one minute, and the next minute…well…
Nathan stood and went to the kitchen. He poured two glasses of water, and brought them back. Julia took hers and drank gratefully. He sat back down, but in his chair this time.
Julia gave him the side eye. "What's next, Lawman?"
"The rest of the things I own." Nathan smiled shyly. He focused on writing as he spoke. "Our land, the house under construction. A few pieces of jewelry, though nothing of significant value. And, a wedding band that I will put on your finger in 13 days." Thirteen days. Why did it suddenly seem so far away?
"And this one." She waved her beautiful engagement ring.
Nathan looked puzzled. "That's yours now." He wrote it in her column.
"Yes, I know. But, Nathan. This was your grandmother's ring. It should be in your column." Some things were complicated…to figure out, to classify. "If anything should happen…to me…I would want it to come back…to your side of the family."
Nathan's face fell. "Why would…anything happen?" Nathan hadn't been ready for the conversation to take such a turn.
"I'm sorry. I didn't mean it that way, so somber. But, I would prefer this ring go to Allie or one of our children. Not to anyone…from my side of the family, who doesn't know where it came from. That's all I meant." She told him. "It should go in your column."
Nathan didn't like this conversation at all. He furrowed his brow and did as she said - wrote it in his column. Though, he left it in her column too. The truth was, he didn't want to have such a conversation.
Julia recognized the notable change in him. She swallowed and decided maybe they should move on. "What else?" She asked softly.
Nathan stood. Julia had never seen such a look on his face. He rubbed his hands down his pant legs. He turned toward the kitchen. He took a step. He turned back, though he didn't make eye contact. "I just…need a minute." And he went out the back door.
Julia sat there a minute, looking at the space Nathan had just occupied, and had vacated. She felt his void and reeled to make sense of what had just happened. What had she said? What had upset him so? Was it the thought of losing her?
Julia sat back on the settee and prayed for a few minutes. When she was done, she drank her water down and went to the kitchen. She placed both water glasses in the wash basin. There were a few other things in there, so Julia washed them up, too. She just needed to busy her hands. She looked around for more things to do, so she washed anything and everything in sight, that looked like it needed to be washed. Then she went back to the settee and looked over their list. How strange it was to discuss such things. And this topic had not even been on their list.
Julia looked down at her ring and blinked. It was entirely possible that certain things were easier for her to talk about, because of her medical training. Talking of sickness and death was simply more natural for those in the medical profession. In fact, in nursing school, certain professors attempted to "deaden" their student's natural sensibilities to it, because death was sometimes part of the job. If Julia fully took to heart the loss of every patient who died in her ward, she wouldn't be as effective as a nurse.
She turned to the page of questions, and read through them. So far, they had only attempted to answer the first question, and there were a few others to discuss. One of which was how to make a unified decision for a purchase. Another exercise consisted of disclosing their bank account and financial situation to the other. On the topic of finances, they had only scratched the surface. How would they ever get done before their meeting with Joseph and Minnie?
At the same time, Julia respected Nathan, and wanted to grant him the space he asked for. So even though it went against every impulse inside her, Julia sat a while and waited.
Finally, Julia couldn't wait any longer. In twenty minutes, they were due at Joseph and Minnie's house, for their meeting.
Julia slowly rose and went out the back door. She looked around the backyard, but Nathan was nowhere to be found.
So, she quietly entered the workshop. Light streamed in from the windows, and illuminated the room in a wonderful glow. And there was Nathan, intensely sanding away, on some piece of wood. Julia approached him slowly and saw the lines on his face. He was processing, but it wasn't resolved.
"Nathan." She said softly.
"Mmmm." He didn't look up but kept sanding. And he was covered in sawdust. His hands, his rippled forearms, he even had some on his face.
"Are you okay?" Julia grabbed an old towel laying on the table next to where she stood.
He stopped what he was doing and glanced at her. Then he looked down, turned over the sandpaper in his hand, and it registered - it hit him, how messy he was. "I'm sorry." Though Julia wasn't sure what he was sorry for - his fears, or the sawdust. Either way, it didn't matter, not to her.
Julia stepped close and wiped the sawdust from his face. Then she met his eyes. "It's okay, Nathan." She wiped away another streak from his neck. And then she looked up higher - his hair was all out of place and no longer it's rich dark color, but muted by a sad, colorless haze of dust. She smiled forgiveness and gently reached up and ruffled his hair. And when she did, a cloud of featherlight sawdust rose all around them, like sparkly glitter, a shimmering cloud that engulfed the two of them. And there they stood - gazing at each other - in the middle of it, as the glimmer made its way ever so gently to the floor.
She wanted him to know. "Nathan, I'm not going anywhere." He tried so hard to swallow past the lump in his throat, the one that had been choking him since their conversation on the settee.
Julia held out the towel, "It's almost time for our meeting with Joseph." He nodded, took the towel, and he wiped his hands. Though, when he saw how bad the sawdust was, he knew he needed to do better than that, to be presentable for Joseph and Minnie.
He finally managed that swallow. "Will you…excuse me, Jules?" He said just above a whisper. "I should…change."
Julia nodded, and watched him go. He walked right out the door and into the house. Julia shut the curtains and closed his workshop up tight. Then she returned to her seat in the living room.
Nathan came down a few minutes later, all washed up and dressed in a clean shirt. His hair was even back in place. Julia stood to meet him. "I'm sorry." He said again, over the distance between them.
Julia assured him once again. "It's okay, Nathan. Really." And she managed a genuine smile.
He softened and gave her his crooked smile, the one that melted her insides. Then he glanced at the clock. "Shall we go?" He moved toward the front door.
"Don't you want your notebook?" It was not like him to forget it. She picked it up and carried it to meet him.
Though when she got there, he took her hand instead. He interlaced their fingers together, and opened the door for her. When they were through it, and he had closed it behind them, then and only then, did he take the notebook. He tucked it carefully under his other arm.
They walked hand in hand to Joseph and Minnie's, though Nathan didn't say much on the way. When he knocked on the door, they were immediately greeted with a warm Minnie hug, which melted the rest of Nathan's insecurities. And when they were invited into the living room, Julia took the seat beside him.
Joseph prayed and they began. "How did your discussions go this week?"
Julia looked at Nathan, not sure how to respond. He met her gaze, opened his mouth, and closed it again. So Julia filled in. "The discussion about children went very well." She responded.
Joseph asked. "You two were able to agree?"
Julia nodded. "Oh yes. We would both like to have children. And we both agree that they are a gift and a blessing."
Minnie liked that answer, so she interjected. "They are indeed, a gift and a blessing, from the Lord."
Joseph smiled. "I'm glad to hear that." He told them both. "These questions are not meant to spark any…disagreements. Only to get you talking, so you are on the same page, when the time comes."
Julia looked at Nathan, and smiled shyly. "I think we are on the same page." Nathan nodded his agreement and took her hand. He held it tightly, just next to his leg.
Joseph asked. "And how did your discussion go about finances?"
Another glance at Nathan. He looked uncomfortable, but he answered honestly. "Not so well. And, it was my fault."
Joseph eyed him. "How so?"
"It was silly. We were listing out our assets, and…" Nathan didn't know how to explain. "I froze."
Julia tried to help. "It was not entirely his fault. I made a comment that took him for a loop, that's all."
Joseph looked at Nathan. "What was the comment?"
Nathan answered honestly. "If anything should happen…to Julia."
Joseph understood. "Ah, I see. You two haven't discussed that."
"No, we haven't. And I'm not ready to." Nathan's gaze went to Julia. "I've only just found her, and already, I have to imagine losing her?"
Joseph chuckled low, to lighten the mood. He put out his hands, palms facing the floor. "Nathan, slow down. You're not going to lose her." He smiled reassuringly at them both. "But you should be prepared, just in case. At least for Allie's sake. Things can happen. Accidents. Sickness. Childbirth…"
Nathan was a strong guy, but at Joseph's list, his face went white. Nathan ran his hand through his hair, and Julia's mouth fell open. Joseph had perhaps not realized how all that sounded. Had he made it worse? Thankfully, Minnie interrupted with her sweet, deep, joyful laugh. "Oh, Joseph. You are just terrible at this part." She smiled reassuringly at Nathan, who immediately softened. "I'm sorry, Nathan. My husband didn't do a very good job articulating that. Take a deep breath." He did. "Let me try again." Nathan took another breath, and appreciated her smile, which was curiously calming. And Minnie continued with an ease and a lightness in her voice, that dispelled every dark cloud. "What Joseph means to say is that it is important to have this conversation. It was going to be your homework for this coming week, actually. You should know each other's wishes, especially since Allie is in the picture." Minnie looked at Nathan. "For example, what happens to Allie if something happens to you, Nathan? These kinds of questions are important to answer, before you get married. And, you only have to discuss them one time." Minnie raised her hands reassuringly. "Only once. And when it's all worked out, you never have to talk about it again."
Julia cleared up the Allie question. "I'm adopting Allie. So if anything happens to Nathan, Allie stays with me." She looked over at him. "Allie and I…we stick together."
Nathan's eyes seemed to go misty, and Julia squeezed his hand. "This is good. Very good." Minnie reassured them. "You see, Nathan. The discussion is half over already."
Julia mentioned the last item of value that could possibly be part of that discussion. So once that was cleared up too, this conversation could be over. And they would never need to talk about it again. "And if anything happens to me, I asked that his grandmother's engagement ring go to Allie. That is all."
Minnie suddenly giggled. "Is that what started this whole thing?" The look on her face turned...comical.
Nathan thought about it for a minute. And, somehow, when he thought of it that way, it did indeed seem…funny. He got kinda tickled, and chuckled low. Though, once he did, Julia looked at him, and giggled too. That made him laugh harder, which in turn, caused her to laugh harder, too. And, so they went, until pretty soon, they were laughing like two hyenas, in the middle of the Canfield's living room.
And when Nathan looked up, he realized Joseph and Minnie were both laughing, too.
After a good long while, when they finally managed to get themselves together, Minnie just smiled and told them. "Sometimes you just need a good laugh."
Julia completely agreed. "Yes. Sometimes you do."
Joseph smiled at them. These two were doing just fine in their preparations. "Nathan, just how far did you get in your discussion about finances?"
Nathan cocked one side of his mouth. "Only the first question. Listing our property."
Joseph nodded. "Okay. Let the rest of the list be your homework for the coming week. And, if you do want to make any specifications, should anything…happen." Why was it impossible to say that word now without a little giggle? "You can do that, too."
And then, Joseph and Minnie went on to very beautifully share a few nuggets from their own experiences and marriage. Beautiful things...sometimes hard, sometimes comical, that Nathan and Julia could glean from, in the weeks, months, and years to come.
At the end of their time, Minnie shared something very lovely. "My prayer for you, Nathan and Julia, is that you will always have harmony." She let that word sink in. "In your marriage, you may not always agree, or immediately understand, or have complete peace between you at every moment. But...may you always have harmony." She smiled at both of them. "Harmony is a beautiful thing - it's made up of two completely different musical notes. But it's the blending of those two notes that make the harmony. And you two will make a lovely harmony."
Nathan looked at Julia, and smiled. He realized he had been worried for nothing. The conversation had just caught him off guard, and brought up old ghosts. And fears he'd thought he'd dealt with. And those fears had been so unexpected, they had caused him to shut down. But there was nothing to fear with Julia. Even if something did happen to her, loving her was worth it. He wanted every moment he could get with her, however long that was, because she was his rib.
"Nathan, would you stay a little longer with me, just for a little while?" Joseph asked. Nathan blinked twice, and then looked over at Julia.
"I can manage on my own, if you'd like to stay, Nathan. I need to ride out for Jimmy's house call, anyway." Julia replied, before he could even ask.
Nathan returned his gaze to Joseph. "I would like that."
Minnie stood, ready to walk Julia out. Nathan stood with Julia, and kissed her hand gently before he let it go. But Julia placed her hand on his arm, and told him quietly. "Nothing could ever change the way I…" He nodded. He understood.
Minnie led Julia out onto the porch and smiled at the younger woman. "Julia, men are sometimes slower…processing certain things. Practical things, related to the heart."
Julia laughed low. "I also think, in my line of work, and through my medical training, I have become less sensitive to certain topics. And Nathan feels things very deep. He just needed more time…to get there."
Deep roaring laughter suddenly emitted from inside the house. Julia and Minnie both turned and looked at the door, then returned their gaze to each other. And they giggled together.
"Seems like he's gotten there just fine." Minnie told her.
Julia smiled at her friend. "Thank you, Minnie. All of these discussions are bringing us closer together." There was something else. "And I loved what you shared about harmony. It was so beautiful."
Minnie shared deeper. "Someone prayed that over Joseph and I when we were first married. And, we always tried to hold onto it. To always keep that harmony, even when we were in a disagreement or an argument, which will happen, mind you. It's normal and natural to disagree. It's how we grow as a couple." She smiled. "But, in the midst of any disagreement, hold tight to that harmony. And you will always come out on the other side better. Your relationship will become more and more beautiful, and more rich, just like a musical harmony."
Julia loved that. "Wow. That is so…lovely. Thank you for sharing, Minnie." She smiled. "I'm going to write it down."
Minnie nodded. "We pass it on...to you two, now."
Julia hugged her. "And, we gratefully receive it." She took one step back. "Thank you, Minnie."
"You're welcome, Julia. See you next week?" Minnie asked.
"Well I hope I see you before. But yes, next week for our last meeting." Julia told her.
Then, she turned, walked down the steps, and waved one more time before leaving. And Minnie watched her go.
And as she walked along, Julia began to hum, a beautiful melody, one she knew only Nathan could complete. And she kept that melody going as she entered the livery, saddled Ginger, and headed out to see Jimmy.