A/N: (TW, Mental illness, self harm…)

Hey, hey, hey! I'M BACK FROM THE DEAD PEOPLE! A nice little 2023 presents from me ain't it!

Jokes aside, right now I'm gonna tell you a bit about how my life have been during the past few months of my absence, and why i disappeared.

So i little more than a year ago (when I started writing on this story) I started getting serious problems with my mental health which in turn also caused physical problems. I however, tried to carried on like normal, probably because I didn't even realize how bad things actually were. Probably because I unconsciously blocked everything out. I was either sleeping too much or not at all, my nerves I wore on my sleeve, I gained a lot of weight due to stress even though I tried to eat healthy and exercise, and (tw) I developed habits of self harm…

Then, come the months of April; I finally broke down for real, and at this time I couldn't really get up. Me and everyone else finally realized how bad things really were. After a lot of trips to psychiatrists and the doctors office I got diagnosed with major clinical depression and severe anxiety, and I was extremely, extremely burnt out. It was so bad that I had to drop out of school.

Now, as the months have gone by, I've been home full time, starting medication's and getting professional help and while thing very much aren't ideal, I've been working on myself and how to handle the things you on in my life, and I'm doing much better now, and I've gotten healthier. Things aren't ideal or perfect in any way. Every day is different and comes with its own challenges and struggles, but at least I now have the energy to try to fight back.

And very recently, only a few weeks ago, I (ironically) have also (just like Anakin in this story) been diagnosed with Bipolar Disorder and possibly also Borderline Personality Disorder. No wonder I felt like I could relate to the Anakin I've written in this story. Turns out I was always (unconsciously) writing down how I was feeling while writing Anakin's POV's. My new diagnoses however have given me great new insights and motivation to start writing this story again and giving both our favorite Star-Crossed couple, and people with mental illnesses justice. If I felt like I understood my previous research and writing before, I know definitely have a far greater knowledge and understanding about these issues and topics than I had before.

Just to give you all a hint of this story, I will still try to keep the story as smooth and un-contradictory as possible, I will however slightly ret-con a few things, but in as minor and subtle ways as possible.

I will also be delving a lot deeper into mental health and mental illness aspects, as well as topics of addiction. Let's just say Anakin doesn't only have Bipolar disorder. A diagnosis for Borderline Personality Disorder is coming his way, but not yet. I few things need to happen first…

(Fun fact: Real life psychiatrist have actually done a study of Anakin and his behaviors throughout the movies and they DID diagnos him with Borderline Personality Disorder which makes so much sense!

To elaborate, this is some god and easily explained information about Borderline Personality Disorder for those of you who might wonder what that is:

Borderline personality disorder is a mental health disorder that impacts the way you think and feel about yourself and others, causing problems functioning in everyday life. It includes self-image issues, difficulty managing emotions and behavior, and a pattern of unstable relationships.

Certainly we can all agree that this description is Anakin through-and-through, because it is.

Similarly this has been said about Bipolar Disorder:

Bipolar disorder (formerly called manic-depressive illness or manic depression) is a mental illness that causes unusual shifts in mood, energy, activity levels, concentration, and the ability to carry out day-to-day tasks.

Just needed to clarify a few things because this is how Anakin is going to be portrayed from now on. )

Anyway, back to the main topics. If you all taught this story to be quiet deep and melancholy before, it will definitely become even more deep then previously. But do not fret! There will of course be light moments among the darkness in this story! It isn't called The sun does not abandon the moon to darkness for nothing! ;)

I really hope you will all enjoy this, and I am really happy and excited to be back. :)

Chapter 7

The next day at 9 AM sharp , the two of them met outside on the street by his car just like they had promised each other the night before.

"Hi," Padmé coyly said as they met up beside the Alfa Romeo. I tiny blush spread over her shapely cheeks as their eyes met. So much for cool composure, She half-amusedly thought to herself.

"Uhh… Hi. Did. Did you sleep well?" Anakin asked, taking the cigarette he had been smoking out of his mouth, all while wincing at himself, and as equally flushed and brain muddled as Padmé was at that moment.

There's this funny thing about dual infatuations. One can have so much on their mind that they want to say. Smooth. Clear. Effective.

This is how you want to seem, and want to be. But as often however, things seldomly go as planned and the wished way of expressing oneself instead comes out in a rather reverse, clumsy way. Good things that this is endearing and rather sweet. When both parts are just as coy, awkward and nervous, it can in no way be a bad, or insufferable things, since both parts are standing the same slippery ice, so to speak. Two Bambi's gliding around, searching for stable footing while clinging and holding onto each other for a tender support. For a while you might be able to keep upright together, gliding as if effortless, and without any prior wobbliness, but eventually both will be tumbling down, sprawled on the ice side by side. But instead of licking your bruises and trying to nurse your wounded pride like one normally would, your lying there, laughing and feeling weightless because you're in this together. Your at this time jumping into the same both, leaving the river bank behind you, setting out on the river, the current streams carrying you forward and onwards, blind to all possible hindrances or dangers. How could there even be such things, when everything feels new and exciting, and oh so fantastic. You wonder how things could possibly turn sour and bittersweet, because at this moment things are feeling so good that it physically hurt when you're apart for to long. Call it soulmates. Call it fate, perhaps. Some people are just meant to find each other one way or another. The sun to someone's moon, two astronomical beings among the shining and brilliant stars around you.

Everything else becomes unimportant. No one else is even half as impressive and grand. Others are a blur in the periphery, there but also not at the same time, dull worn gems compared to the grand and sparkling diamond in front of you.

Is this love? Perhaps. But not really. Love is deeper, more rooted, and less shallow than this. Love is when you feel like there is no end and no beginning. When you are two souls bonded into one single entity. Two heart bonded in some unexplainable way. Love is when you feel like you can't breathe without the other person. They are literally your oxygen. The air you breathe deep into your lungs. The air you crave first thing in the morning when you wake up, and the last thing you need before going to sleep at night. The you blissfully gasp and inhale as you surface out of water. Love is when your heart explodes and you can't see straight. You're dizzy and lightheaded, but in a wonderfully delicious, blissful, delightful way. But we are not there yet. It is still too early for that.

What this is, is infatuation. Plain and simple. Such a wonderful and exciting thing, really. You know, that moment when the seeds of love are first planted into the soil. Before either rain or sun has touched it, making it grow. Before it has sprouted and grown into an exquisite flower with adoringly soft petals.

The DNA structure is there, simply waiting to fully mature.

This was exactly were Anakin and Padmé were currently in their still premature relationship. About to take of from the ground, but already trying to reach for the stars.

With a gentle smile, Padmé said, "I slept fine alright, thank you."

Flustered Anakin, while nodding his head said, "Good. Good," while inwardly banning himself and his, at least to him, awkward stupidity.

"What about you?" Padmé then countered with a small curious tilt of her head.

At her question Anakin raised his eyebrows before frowning slightly, a bit lost since his mind had clearly ventured somewhere far, far away from the ongoing present situation.

"Did you sleep well?" Padmé finished, smiling gently at him with an expression so sweet, so gentle, and so caring that it raised all temperatures in Anakin's body, from head to toe, which unavoidably caused a red blush to spread all over his cheeks.

"Uhh. Umm, yeah. I uhh, slept alright. Thanks. Umm… Should we go?" Anakin said sheepishly before gesturing at the car with hind while the other scratched the back his head. "Gladly," Padmé said before jumping into the passenger seat. Feeling like a fool due to the wide grin on his handsome face (that he was fervently trying to subdue and hide), Anakin followed her lead, eagerly jumping into the driver seat beside her, right after dumping the now a cigarette stump under the heel of his shoe.

•••

Lie. Or, a half a lie at least. He hadn't actually slept well. Yes, he had fallen asleep contentedly as first, just like Padmé had, but sleep, true tranquil sleep hadn't been his friend for years. Not since his dad had died.

No, Anakin had woken up after a few quarters. Like most nights since his father's death, he slept sparsely and little. A few hours here. A few hours there. Insomnia is a cruel, merciless mistress.

In all honesty, he was probably afraid of falling asleep. Or perhaps, rather, he was afraid of the moment between wakefulness and sleep. That moment when it's just you and the darkness. Smothering. Heavy. Suffocating. It's the moment when your brain is doing everything to process what your body and mind has gone through and done in the last few hours before slowly starting to still and shut down into a placebo death. Gone, but not gone. Present but also not at the same time. It's the moment when the intrusive thoughts come to visit. A slithering hand creeping around, caressing your mind, promising tenderness and warmth long before your even aware of any danger. They lull you into a calm state of mind, and your body into a numbing comfort. You never even suspect the betrayal. You don't see them pull out the knife. You only feel it as it stabs you in the back.

This how the last few years of Anakin's life has been. Never fully recharged or energized. Always slightly fatigued, and always longing for a sleep that never comes, just as much as he fears it.

This is why he's very much surprised right now, because as drives across the Californian roads so very familiar to him, with Padmé sitting beside him, a girl that he barely knows that just came into his life, he feels extremely energetic and comfortable, which in itself is very unusual. He's always been a bit reserved when meeting new people. Takes a long time to open up to them… Actually never does, because he doesn't give them a chance. Not anymore. Not like when he was a curious child. Not since his dad died. Why get close to people when they all leave eventually, he often tells himself.

So why her? What makes her different? Why is she special? How do I get so tongue tied and fuzzy-brained around her when no one else does? Why does she make smile and grin like an idiot when I haven't done any of those things in years? Anakin ponders these questions silently in his head, malling and grinding them around, all while tapping the steering wheel with his long fingers in beat to the song playing on the radio, fingers calloused from years of tinkering with mechanics. Being around her almost makes him feel… well… high. But not the like drugs does. He barely knows her, but just being around her is… intoxicating. With her around, he feels at ease. Comfortable. Right now as he sits beside her, he feels neither high strung or annoyed.

He's felt low for so very long, and it refreshing, amazing, just beings around her. Anakin had been in a depressive state for a few weeks now. Everything was hard and complicated. To him, it felt like people around him just expected so much of him all the time. Good grades. A schedule filled with plenty of activities. Studying. That how it seemed. But how do you excel, deliver, and achieve when you're just feeling empty all the time? That's the million dollar question. During his last manic episode, he had bought drugs, spent a weekend practically locking himself inside the garage, plucking the motorcycle apart to see if it was malfunctioning in any way, if there was anything he could to make it better, faster… anything. Anything to stay busy. He had putt it back together… only to then proceed in redoing the same process two more times. Just to be sure.

No, none of it, neither a manic episode or depressive episodes was better. Either he felt dead inside, or he did stupid, potentially dangerous and lethal things. Not anything was preferable in any way. But perhaps sleeping his days away was better for him than doing dangerous things anyway. Yup. Actually big time better.

Anakin turned his head slightly towards Padmé, once again taking a peak at her. When she had walked up to him and his car earlier that morning he had felt almost gut-punched as he laid his eyes on her. It was a feeling he was completely unaccustomed to. It's not that he hadn't seen pretty girls before. He definitely had. But there was something different about Padmé compared to other girl he had met in his relatively short life, whether that was girls from school or relatives. Call him weird, but to him there in that moment, she, her whole presence and being, had seemed so angelic. He had never seen a more beautiful woman than her. As she had walked down her driveway towards him and his car, he had had plenty of time to take her in. She was clad in a modest yellow airy dress, with thin spaghetti straps around her delicate shoulders. The dress did a great job at showing of her slender arms and sharp, delicate collarbones. All along the yellow fabric of the dress were small embroidered floral motifs going in shades of green, white and pink. Ending just below her knees, the dress also did a great job at showing of her slim, shapely calves and the dainty pedicured feet clad in pretty, white sandals. From what he could tell she wore very minimal makeup, only a hint of some strokes and touches here and there, and her waist length chocolate colored hair was up in a half ponytail hairstyle, her curly locks tumbling down her back like a gorgeous waterfall. She really was a vision.

It wasn't until a few seconds later when she started talking that Anakin realized that he had been staring at her with one eye, while keeping the other one on the road. He was driving after all. Couldn't be that careless. If anything, that would be grossly obnoxious.

"We have only lived here for about a months," Padmé said to him, turning slightly toward him, their eyes meeting halfway. "Me, my older sister and my parent. We moved from New York because of my dad's work. He's a lawyer by the way. There's just been a lot to do in the last few weeks. Unpacking and furnishing and all that. I suppose that's how we've managed to not run into each other, except for in school of course." A small cheeky smile appeared on her face at her last sentence, which in turn also made Anakin grin back at her.

"I guess so," he said, pausing to contemplate his words carefully. "You know, my mom has actually been planning on going over to your house and introduce herself, and uhh, I guess welcome you to the neighborhood, I suppose. Or, that's at least what she's been saying. She uhh, doesn't want to interrupt you all or something. With moving into a new house and all. That's pretty stressful, so i uhh, I guess that's why she hasn't done it yet. New York you said. Do you uhh, miss it?" Anakin asked.

Padmé sighed a little. "Your mom sounds absolutely lovely, and yes. I do miss it a lot actually. Moving across the country is scary, and America is a big, large continent. Many miles to travel. All my childhood friends, and the rest of my extended family are in New York too so, yeah. It is scary. A bit lonely. Haven't really got to know anyone that great yet. There's the other people in school of course, but to be honest you're probably the one new person here in California who I've actually talked to most with. And we haven't even talked that much," Padmé finished with a wink.

"I totally get it," Anakin replied. "New things are scary. My little sister, Ahsoka, when she was born I was actually kind of uhh, terrified of her," at his words they both let out snorting chuckles. "I mean uhh, I was probably actually scared of the idea of a uhh, younger sibling. Not her," Anakin said grinning. "I was nine when she was born, and had always been the younger sibling. There's seven years between us, and at nine that is many years. Then uhh, ha, in comes Ahsoka, newborn and adorable and all that you know. Big baby blue eyes, long eyelashes, Chubby fat rolls. Just uhh, imagine the cutest baby you could possibly imagine. That's Ahsoka. And there I was, forgotten and abandoned by everyone," Anakin finished with a mock dramatic snarl and facial expression. Chuckling he said, "Ha, uhh well, let's just say she grew on me. We were really close." Padmé, perceptible as she was, did not miss the wistful, sad tone at the of his story. She furrowed her brows slightly but chose to not comment on that. Another time for that.

"And now she's nine and not me, that little charming, mischievous rascal."

"Is it just the two of you? You and… Ahsoka?" Padmé asked, putting extra warm emphasis on Ahsoka.

"No. There's Obi-Wan too. He's our older brother. He's currently at Yale, on your side of the country," Anakin said with a wink. "He's studying law."

Padmé piqued interestedly at the words studying law. Some sort of common ground. Very great, she thought. "Obi-Wan. Older brother. Got it. Ahsoka. Younger sister. Got that too."

"My my, someone's got a good memory," Anakin replied with amusement.

"Oh because that is so much information to take in. Very complicated indeed," Padmé quipped back with equal ease and mirth.

"Then we uhh, have my mom. Shmi, and ehh… I suppose my soon to be stepdad Cliegg, Lars and his son Owen. He's the same age as us," Anakin continued, finishing the family tree lesson, once again his last words ending in a strained way Padmé duly noted, but there was less wistfulness in his voice this time. Now there was more… frustration? Maybe. Padmé concluded her own thoughts, once again deciding later was a better time.

"What about you? Your family tree I mean," Anakin then asked almost out of the blue as she had drifted away, lost in her thoughts.

Smiling at Anakin, Padmé replied, "Well there's me, and my older sister Sola. She's twenty by the way. Then there's my dad lawyer, Ruwee, and my mom Jobal, housewife out to the fingertips. To her, food is sacred, and the solution to everything. She's literally said that if all the words leaders just listened to women and ate their food, then the world would have no problems."

Anakin burst out laughing and Padmé couldn't help but join him, the both of the almost writhing in their seats.

"Our moms are going to absolutely love each other Padmé. She's the same about food as your mom!

•••

"We're here," Anakin said, killing the engine of the car, and together they stepped out of the car and started walking in direction of the pier.

Following Anakin's lead, Padmé trustfully walked beside him. While doing so, her mind was going at high speed, contemplating her curiosities of the man who currently walked beside her. He wore a dark grey Korn band-tee, a white longarmed top underneath it. Padmé noted that during all the times they had run ini each other, he had always worn longarmed sleeves. Perhaps just a personal preference.

He also wore a pair of dark blue jeans that fit him like a glove.

The piercings adorned his face and ears just like all the other times they had run into each other; a silver stud beneath his plump lower lip, a ring through the right nostril, and an abundance of rings around the ears. And the black smudged eyeliner around his piercing eyes really enhanced the sky blue color of his eyes, almost making them seem silvery. But that was probably just an illusion due to the makeup, or maybe the light, Padmé thought. Either way, whichever color they appeared, those two eyes had managed to crack her façade apart, melting the ice that she shielded herself with.

Padmé knew that she was pretty. Growing up, it was what friends and relatives always told her my time they met her, and it was what boys had always told her, trying to woo her heart in anyway they could. There was obviously nothing bad or horrible about being liked by people. Everyone wants to be liked. It's a part of human nature to want to appear as good as possible to others, strangers and acquaintances alike. But when it came to love, Padmé did not want to be loved or noticed just for her looks. She also wanted to loved and seen for her intellect, her integrity. She wanted people to see her for who she was on the inside, not just the outside. A pretty face matters nothing if the inside of a person is rotten. She wasn't just an object. She was a human being. A being with feelings and interests and goals. Padmé didn't want to sit still and wait for the world to save itself, or someone to come save her for that matter. Her family often told her that even as a baby she was already a independent being, although tiny and unaware of the world. And her sister so frequently liked to tease her for her 'Mother Theresa Complex'. Even in her younger years she always wanted to help people in need who weren't as privileged as her, whether that was volunteering in soup-kitchens, homeless shelters, study groups or fundraiser organizations. Someday, Padmé hoped and wanted to pursue a career in politics. That's why she wanted to go to college and study Political Science. Helping people was her calling. She just knew that. There are many ways to help people of course. She knew that. But right now she like to live and imagine her possible future. College was still a couple years away, so there was really no reason to get too excited and worked up about it now. Right now her only priority was work hard in school, get good grades, and graduate on top of her class, hopefully as Valedictorian.

"This place here has great milkshakes," Anakin's voice cut through her musings, making her turn her focus back on him. "That sounds great!" Padmé answered back. Then, miling cheekily, Anakin said, "Now, if I uhh, do remember right, there was a certain English King with six wives that you were, uhh, going to tell me more about."

Raising her slender eyebrows slightly in mild surprise, Padmé said, "You really do want me to tell you more about that? I kind of thought you were joking."

Looking searingly into her eyes, almost making her shiver right there in the spot, Anakin said with a low and serious, yet passionate voice,

"I meant everyone of my words to you," before a tiny crooked smiled crossed his mouth, raising one corner of his mouth in a way that could only be described as handsomely roguish.

After letting out a tiny snicker, Padmé half-teasingly uttered, "Well then, after you Milord," before they laughingly walked into the diner together.

•••

A few hours later, after milkshakes and walks around the pier at Santa Monica together, Anakin and Padmé returned home to their street.

They had enjoyed the hours they had spent together immensely, and their 'date' had gone very well. Now Anakin was well versed in knowledge about the English Tudor era, royal family lines, and the Renaissance in general. On thing however that hadn't been so great was their decision to ride carousels after drinking milkshakes. Spoiler alert: that makes you hella nauseous. Seriously kids, don't do it, especially if you have emetophobia.

They walked up the driveway to Anakin's house together, because during the ride home, they had decided to make some sandwiches for their now empty stomach's. They both quickly agreed to go to Anakin's house since he most likely knew his way around the kitchen in his house better than she new the kitchen in her own house (and also obviously because she had so recently moved into the house and hadn't really had time to explore it's features and appliances yet).

When they walked through the door to the kitchen they both stopped simultaneously due to the sight in front of them.

Sitting by the oven and kitchen counter were both of their moms, Shmi and Jobal, chitchatting comfortably together as they waited for the cookies in the oven to finish baking.

"See! I told you our moms would get along well together!" Anakin exclaimed to Padmé.

A/N: Padmé= Prime example of: You can be pretty AND smart at the same time! (Gotta love her for that).

Anakin, you would have loved the show Euphoria. (A.K.A probably one of the best and most influential show written in years. Acting, topics and music wise!) Also, is it just me, or are Anakin and Rue two very similar characters? Likeminded personality traits, similar problems… Y'all get it… Also, watching that show so much writing inspiration and motivation. Seriously if you haven't watched it, go do so right NOW! This is not a question, this a statement.

ANYWAY! They had their date! Padmé makes Anakin float on cloud nine, all warm and fuzzy! (He's just to dumb to realize it, lol.)

And to Padmé, Anakin is a total enigma that she just can't wait to unfold. And yes, Padmé's yellow flower dress is nod towards the meadow dress she wears in Episode II. Kudos to everyone who got that reference.

About Kudos…! Likes/Kudos and Comments are EXTREMELY appreciated so please don't hesitate. All the comments I've gotten from you all in the months of my absence have been a great happiness to me while I was ill. So please, continue with that habit people.