Chapter 120. A Full-Circle Encounter and Two Love Letters
That same evening, when Nathan and Julia left the pre-wedding party, they walked hand-in-hand to her apartment. Though unbeknownst to her, Nathan had other plans. He wasn't ready to take her home quite yet, even if tomorrow was a big day.
So he just held tight to her hand, and kept on walking past the turn-off for her apartment. Julia looked up at him, so intent and focused, and giggled. "Nathan, you passed my apartment. Where are you taking me?"
He stopped, and in the middle of the street, he asked her. "Jules. Would you please come with me, somewhere?" He smiled crooked.
"Yes." She replied. "But…"
"I would like to…give you something." He added.
Julia looked at him, curious. "Give me something?"
Nathan watched her intently. "Yes." He paused. "A wedding gift."
She titled her head and teased him. "Shouldn't that wait until tomorrow?"
Nathan glanced down the way, toward the place he wanted to take her. "That might be complicated." He brought her hand up to his lips and gently kissed it across the knuckles. "Would you…come with me?" When he looked at her like that, it made her insides melt.
She breathed. "Of course, I will come with you."
And he smiled, content. He held her hand tight, and led her on down the street. When they turned off toward the livery, Julia was perplexed. "The livery? Nathan, what are we doing here?"
He kept a firm hold of her hand, and tucked it under his arm, as he led her inside. "You'll see."
She wanted to stop, but he was so focused on where they were going. Had he said a wedding gift? And now they were in the livery? "Nathan." She started to ask him, but then, they stopped in front of a stall.
Nathan lit the light, and Julia read the brand-new hand-carved wooden nameplate. Sierra. And just under it, hung a neat red bow.
He still had ahold of her hand. So, Nathan gently pulled her to the stall door, and opened it. He led her inside. And standing in the corner, was the most beautiful paint horse Julia had ever seen. Her mouth fell open. Completely open.
She was stunned. Absolutely stunned. Julia just looked at him, and back at the horse. And her eyes filled with tears. "Nathan. You can't be serious."
Nathan reached across the distance and pushed a few stray strands of hair back from her brow. He tucked them gently behind her ear and let his hand linger there. Then he looked into her eyes, and told her. "I'm very serious. Sierra is your…first wedding gift." He smiled playfully. "But...you only get to have her, if you show up and marry me tomorrow."
Julia didn't say a word but simply thrust herself into his arms. In fact, the impact of her body hitting his made a very audible thud, and nearly knocked the wind out of him. Her arms went around his back and she hugged him so very tight. Not show up tomorrow? Was he kidding? Did he not realize? She couldn't wait for tomorrow to get here - in fact, their wedding day couldn't come fast enough.
She stayed in his arms for a long time, teetering between tears and laughter. Tears because his gift was so sweet, and so thoughtful - it touched her deeply, and brought emotions right to the surface. Laughter because the idea that she now owned her own horse, filled her with joy. It was a dream come true.
Julia relished the closeness, the intimacy of his embrace. He was her safe place, her refuge. So, she held on tight. This was exactly where she wanted to be, to share all the wonderful, and all the hard parts, of life.
Finally, when her emotions were under control, she wanted to answer him. Not show up to their wedding? She kept ahold of him around the waist but pulled back slightly, looked up, and reassured him, just above a whisper. "Wild horses couldn't keep me away."
Nathan loved the way she'd embraced him, the closeness they'd shared, and her response to his little joke. "Good. Though, this horse isn't wild." He said softly, with a cute smile.
She pulled back a little bit more and turned her head to look at Sierra. "Where did you…?" And then it registered. Jed was at the train, collecting a horse, the day Rebecca had arrived. From the ranch. She returned her gaze to him. "Your mother brought her, didn't she?"
Nathan nodded softly. "Do you remember Dakota, my old paint horse?"
Julia stood close and kept ahold of his hand. "Yes, of course. He's in Colleen's painting and you've mentioned him several times. When you are home at the ranch, you ride one of his offspring, Domino."
She remembered.
"Well, Sierra here, is one of Domino's offspring." He started to pet Sierra with his free hand, the one closest. "She just turned three, and is a little more gentle than Domino. Though, she's more…spirited than Lucy."
Julia moved over so she stood directly in front of Sierra. She let the horse smell her, and introduced herself. "Hi, Sierra. I'm Julia." The horse seemed to understand and nuzzled closer. Julia held one cheek and rubbed her muzzle. "Soon to be Julia Grant." She added, as she glanced up at Nathan.
He came closer too, and smiled when she said that. He explained. "I thought it might be hard to sneak over here tomorrow…in your wedding gown." He paused. "I wouldn't want you to get it dirty." He came closer to the two getting acquainted. "That's why I thought it better to give you this gift tonight."
Julia looked up at him. "Nathan, I…don't know what to say."
Nathan, always practical, explained even more. "When we live up at the big house, you'll need a way to get back and forth to town. So it just made sense. Though, I have to confess I am considering a car in our near future." He told her.
Julia nodded, and looked at Sierra, who was enjoying all the petting. "I love her already. Nathan, this is incredible. And, very…sensible." She said with a smile, imagining that Nathan thought of it that way. She certainly would need a horse to get back and forth from their house to town.
But there was more he wanted to tell her. That wasn't the whole reason. "I know you've always dreamed of having a horse. And…I wanted to make that dream come true…the way you've made my dreams come true."
At his sweet confession, Julia's arms fell limp to her sides. She turned toward Nathan and gazed up at him, wanted to be sure it hit home. "You've made my dreams come true already, Lawman." She whispered. "And then some."
Nathan just shifted his weight. So Julia reached up, wrapped her arms around the back of his neck, and eased his head down. And she kissed him. Tenderly and passionately, the way he deserved to be kissed. For who he was, and what he meant to her. Not because of the gift, or his wonderful words, though they were very precious. But HE was the treasure she counted MOST precious, and she wanted him to know.
As she kissed him, she conveyed all that she longed for him to feel: the love, the passion, and the longing. When she pulled back just slightly, she stayed close. He smiled, and that smile was enough for her. "Jules..." he rasped.
"Lawman." She replied in a whisper. "Tomorrow, I might walk way too fast down that aisle."
He smiled crooked. "And I might be really early."
She giggle softly. "Thank you, Nathan. For this." She gazed at him a little while longer, then she glanced over at her new horse. Julia stepped back just slightly, reached out, and scratched gently under Sierra's cheek. She was a very beautiful horse. "She's just…so...perfect."
He liked the two of them together already. "I'm glad you like her. She's a great horse, Julia. A rare jewel, just like you."
That brought her eyes back to his. "I'm afraid that my wedding gift is going to pale in comparison."
Nathan told her. "Don't worry about that, Julia. Please." He paused. "I had a special in, because of the ranch."
Julia smiled shyly. "Even so. It's an enormous gift, Nathan." She told him. "Thank you."
He smiled at her. "You're welcome, my darling."
Julia petted Sierra, and smiled at Nathan. She was happy, and it so obviously showed. He just watched her, couldn't take his eyes off of her, as she bonded with her new horse.
Finally, when he knew they shouldn't stay much longer, he broke the silence. "Jules, I should get you home."
She couldn't stop smiling. "You'd like to walk me to my home?"
He looked at her confused, and then nodded.
"For the last time?" She watched him as it registered. This would be the last time Nathan would walk her home to her apartment, and leave her. From tomorrow on, she would live wherever he lived. No more separate houses.
He watched as Julia said her good-bye to Sierra, then he extended his elbow. "No more getting rid of me at the end of the night, Miss Matthews." He teased her as he led her out of Sierra's stall and closed the door behind them.
She had one better. "No more Miss Matthews." She smiled at him, as he led her out of the livery.
They walked down the street together, then around the infirmary building to her back door. Nathan gazed down at her that way he always did. "The next time I kiss you, you'll be Mrs. Grant."
Julia smiled up at him, dimples and all. "I can't wait."
He searched her face, recognized all the happiness written there, and whispered back. "It's finally here."
"The wait is over." She replied, noting the pure contentment in his eyes.
The sooner he went to bed, the sooner he could wake up and marry her. "Good night, Miss Matthews."
She stepped up on her little stoop and turned to face him, anxious for tomorrow. "Good night, Lawman."
But Nathan didn't go quite yet. He reached into his pocket and held something between them for just a second. Then his eyes came up to meet hers. "For you." He held out an envelope.
Julia took the letter and traced over her name, so beautifully written on the front. "What's this?" She titled her head and asked softly.
"Just a love letter, to my true love." Nathan told her.
Julia looked down at the letter in her hands, and the handsome masculine penmanship. She even loved his handwriting. Her eyes met his. "I'll see you tomorrow, then, my love. At the end of the aisle. Just in front of that arbor that you built."
He smiled and did that half-twirl he sometimes did. That happy twirl. "I'll be waiting."
Julia turned and opened her apartment door. Then she waved to Nathan from her doorstep, for the last time.
When Elle was finally in bed, and everything was packed, laid out, and ready for tomorrow, Julia finally tucked her own tired body under her covers. Then she propped up the pillow behind her, and picked up Nathan's letter.
She read over her name written across the front, one more time, before she opened the envelope. Then she unfolded the neatly creased paper, and read:
My dearest Julia,
I'm sorry to hand you my sentiments in written form, but you know me - I am best able to express myself, to clearly articulate everything I would like to say, with pen and paper. And there is so much I would like to say to you.
It hit me at the adoption ceremony, as you made your sweet declarations to Allie, just how blessed I am. And I just needed to tell you.
Not even in my wildest dreams, did I ever think I would meet someone like you. At best, I had hoped for someone to simply love me and accept me, as I am, flaws and all. I never imagined that someone would be so ready and eager to love Allie, too. That you would want to take her as your own, and call her daughter. More than that, you are even willing to take on and put up with my unconventional family, the baggage that comes with loving me. And for all that, I am grateful. It makes me ever more aware that YOU are an incredible gift, one that I am still trying to convince myself is real.
From the first day I met you, you have blown my every expectation out of the water. When I caught you running through wildflowers, I recognized a vivacity in you. You were full of joy and life and color, which I so desperately needed in my life. It had been winter for far too long, and you were fresh like the spring time.
Then I got to know you - and the more I knew, the more I wanted to know. I observed your intelligence, your character, your strength, your loyalty. All traits that I deeply value. If I think back, I knew up in that cabin, as I felt the door of my heart start to open, that you were the answer to my prayers. They were feeble prayers, made under my breath or silently in my heart, during long rides along mountain trails. Dreams spoken out into the wind. I never thought they would amount to anything, but the moment you walked into that cabin, I knew. You were everything I had secretly hoped for, and more.
And you, my dear, brought the change of season. A sunrise in my heart. Suddenly, flowers filled my life. And just like that, it was a new day.
God really does give the perfect gifts. Gifts that are above all we could ask, hope, or imagine. And this love that we share, is just that: more than I could ask, hope for, or imagine. And our love will just keep getting better and better, with age. Do you remember, you once told me that you and I were like a fine wine? I think you were right - our love is a fine wine. And I cannot wait to discover each new day, each new depth, and each new flavor, with you.
Joseph told me that any solid relationship is built on friendship. And Julia, you are my best friend. You are my confidant, my companion, and my partner. With whom I share my fears, my hopes, and my deepest secrets. You are my other half.
When I think of you, and our future, I am filled with optimism. We will have a wonderful life together. One where we can share openly and honestly, and where we can find support and comfort in the other. Where we can share deep things, but also the day to day little things. We can grow and dream…together.
Jules, I plan to spend the rest of my life attempting to make you even HALF as happy as you've made me. I would like to apologize now, in advance, for all the times that I'll fall short. And I will. But please know that I will always try to do better, because I love you so intensely, and so ardently. You and Allie are the most important people my life. And I plan to protect you and take care of you, and do everything in my power to make you happy, as long as there is breath in my lungs.
Julia, you are my rib. And I burn for you.You are the single most beautiful woman I have ever met, inside and out. And I cannot wait to become one with you. To take you as my wife and to love you as a husband, for the rest of our lives.
So tomorrow, I'll meet you by the pond. Just in front of the arbor that you decorated with those beautiful flowers that you love so much. I will be the one waiting there, heart overflowing, promising to love you always, ready to begin this adventure with you.
Jules, you are my true love. My one and only. Forever.
-Nathan
On Saturday morning, Julia woke up way too early. It was impossible to sleep - today was her wedding day, for goodness' sake. She tried to lay there a little longer, but she was just too excited. Plus, the words of Nathan's letter, from last night, kept playing in her head. So finally, she gave up, got dressed, and went out for a walk.
She walked long up into the hills, enjoying the cool of the dawn. She loved the early morning, especially in Hope Valley - when the dew was newly fallen and the air was fresh and crisp. And this time of year, there was less fog, and sometimes, the morning was bright and clear. Just like this one.
Her meadow of wildflowers was now bathed in reds and dark yellows, and the flowers few and far between, after the hot summer. But this field was special to her. Very special. And so, looking through that lens, she found it especially beautiful today. She walked through and took in every flower, every hue, and committed it all to memory.
When she was about halfway across, a flash caught her eye, and she looked up from the flowers. Approaching from the other side, was a horse and rider. One she would recognize anywhere, could easily pick out from a sea of a hundred riders. Her eyes focused on him as he rode straight towards her. She noticed the way his body moved with the gait of the horse, his shoulders broad and tall, commanding. She watched his every move, and felt a heat rise to her cheeks. It was impossible to take her eyes off his strong masculine form on that regal horse.
A memory came back to her, from this very field. He'd ridden toward her just as he was riding toward her now. Though he'd been in bright scarlet that day, and she'd been running. Somehow it seemed fitting that they would be meeting here again, entirely by accident, on today, of all days.
Her eyes were fixed as he came closer. Even in plain clothes and a cowboy hat, he evoked a longing and a desire deep inside her. She felt the heat go to her chest now, as he stopped just in front of her and dismounted.
He looked her over, eyes gently drifted over, taking in her flushed state. She instantly recognized that same desire written in his eyes.
"Fancy meeting you here." He drawled slow. That was all it took to get those last butterflies in motion.
She tried to sound the least bit stern. "Isn't it bad luck to see the bride before the wedding?"
He scoffed, looked to the right at the flowers, and then back at her, with that slightest head tilt he did sometimes. "I don't believe in those superstitions. All the luck I'll ever need is standing right in front of me."
"It's funny. I feel the exact same way." She told him with a tilt of her own head. Then she teased. "And we already established that I'm the lucky one in this relationship, remember?"
He scoffed again. "We're gonna have that argument again, are we? On our wedding day?"
She smiled cute and looked him over. "Maybe later, we can sort it out."
Did she just...say that? Nathan's mouth went dry at her obvious flirtation. He noticed the flush on her chest and tried to swallow. How he'd love to see where this flirtation might lead, but opted instead, for his better judgement. There would be plenty of time for those flirtations over the next two weeks, so he decided to steer them away from the slippery slope. "Did you have a nice walk?"
She looked back from where she had come. "Yes. It was refreshing." She paused and confessed. "I couldn't sleep."
He glanced down at his feet. "Me, either."
"Thought a walk would be nice, and somehow, I ended up here." She told him.
"Me, too. Same scenario, only Newton obliged me." He motioned over his shoulder, with a crooked smile. "You could have taken Sierra, you know."
"I know. But, first time on a new horse, by myself, the morning of my wedding day?" She squinted one eye. "Didn't seem prudent." She paused, and then teased him. "Plus, you told me she wasn't officially mine until I said "I do."
He laughed from his belly, and she joined. "I was only teasing." On his face was that smile that went up into his eyes. When their laughter died down, he gazed at her and clarified. "Sierra's yours, Jules. Anytime you want to take her."
"Okay, Lawman." She confessed. "But to be completely honest, I'd really like you to be there with me, to ride with me, when I take her out for the first time. I'm still a newbie, remember?"
He nodded. "I'd be happy to be there, Jules. Even if you don't really need me anymore. You've become a good rider, all on your own."
"Thank you for saying so." She smiled. "But, I'd still like to have you with me. Plus, it gives me an excuse to ride with the most handsome horseman in town."
Nathan smiled crooked at her affirmation. "You know you don't need an excuse. I'd ride with you anytime, Jules."
She looked past him, at Newton. "How about now?" She had no idea what time it was, but she'd probably walked too far and talked too long. There was a wedding to get ready for.
"Do you need a ride, Miss Matthews?" Nathan asked with his charming smile.
"I was thinking about it. Would get me back to town a little faster." She teased. "I mean, there is a wedding today, after all."
Nathan clicked twice and made a quick gesture of his head. Newton immediately went into action, all on his own. He walked past Nathan, turned and stopped, putting his near side directly in front of Julia. She smiled candidly. "Impressive. You've been teaching him new tricks."
He nodded, obviously proud of his horse.
Julia put her left foot in the stirrup and swung up and into the saddle. She removed her foot, and Nathan swung up behind her. He gently leaned forward, seeming to surround her with his presence. He reached through on either side of her waist and took the reins. Julia sat back against him just a little and got comfortable. And though she couldn't see, Nathan smiled from ear to ear, as he clicked again to set Newton into motion.
All the way down, Julia and Nathan enjoyed the closeness. It was nice to ride together, and talk. And somewhere along the way, their nerves about today, all disappeared into the wind.
Once inside the livery, Julia and Nathan spent a little more time with Sierra. They even introduced her to Newton, who seemed smitten from first glance. Sierra was a beautiful horse, after all. And well, Newton was…regal.
When Nathan finally glanced at his pocket watch and told Julia the hour, she knew their time was up.
"I should go." She told him softly.
This entire encounter had felt like stolen time, a kismet meeting, a full-circle moment, a gift to relish.
He gazed at her long. The next time he would see her, she would be wearing white. "See you soon." He drawled.
Julia reached into her pocket and pulled something out. She shyly extended it to him. An envelope with his name written in her script. "I returned your letter. I was gonna track down Jake, and have him give it to you before the wedding. But, here you are..." He took it, and glanced back up at her. She kept going. "You words, Nathan. They touched me…deeply. I tried to return them well. I hope I succeeded. It's hard to express the depth…of what I feel for you. I hope it comes across as I intended."
His gaze was fixed now. Even her words of explanation were so heartfelt and sincere, he was captivated. "Julia, my darling."
She smiled shy and tilted her head. "Just in case it doesn't…do justice to what you deserve, I will keep telling you, every day, until it's enough."
"It will be enough." He told her as he pulled the letter in close to his heart and tucked it in his shirt pocket. He was confident of her love, could feel their connection even now, a hum between them, as they gazed at each other.
"Until later then, Nathan." She told him as she stepped close, rose onto her tiptoes, and kissed him tenderly on the cheek.
His eyes were fixed on her as she set back on her heels, turned and walked all the way home.
But Nathan didn't go home right away. He walked to the pond, to their wedding site, sat on a bench, and read her letter:
My dearest, my true love, Nathan,
You know just how to convey the depths of your heart, in a way that touches me deeply. It's like you are singing a song that only I can hear. Only you could make these emotions swell inside me, until I have to try, as feeble of an attempt as it may be, to return your beautiful sentiments.
Nathan, no one can love me like you do. I might be your rib, but you are the part of me that I never knew was missing. The stronger and better half.
My father once told me, "find someone who brings out the best in you." You are that someone, you always bring out the best in me. Before I met you, I was like one of those wildflowers in my meadow - alone, closed, and heart-dormant - waiting for you to arrive, and draw me out. And that is just what you did. I blossomed in the sunshine of your love.
Nathan, you are the most generous person I have ever met. You are generous with your time, your resources, your feelings, and your life. You make room for people, and you take into account their situation and even their difficult places. You accept them, just as they are. And when they need help, you generously give of yourself, that they might receive it. No matter the cost to you - whether it be time, effort, or even feelings, you sacrifice…for others. You protect and serve, and you never count the personal cost.
And it's no different when you love. Nathan, you love generously. You don't give love in increments or small measure, but you bestow it intensely and completely. Without reserve. Freely. Generously. Without expectation or anything in return. And I think that love like yours, so freely and generously given, is the best, most honest kind of love. And I will never take it for granted.
Nathan, you are beautiful inside and out. You are the most handsome of men, all the way through. I remember the first time I laid eyes on you - the evening fog was rolling in and you looked so regal up on that horse. It is an image that I will never forget. I knew right then and there that my heart was at risk. But the more I got to know you, the more I realized just how safe my heart actually was, at home with you. And you do have my heart, my love. Fully and completely.
Nathan, I feel like I need to respond to the statement you made in your letter, about your family. Please don't mistakenly think that I would ever count Allie, or your family, as baggage. Yes, your family is unconventional. But, it's yours. And since I'm yours, well, it's my family, too. God has given me a deep love for them, and I wholeheartedly accept them, each one. The choice to adopt Allie was one I freely made, after the promise she and I made between the two of us, which made it even more special.
On the contrary, I count myself as gaining a family. I used to only have Jake and Elle. But now, I get to be a daughter, and a mother. And best of all, I get to be a wife - your wife. So please don't think of your family as a burden. To me, they are a gift.
And when there is an actual burden to carry, with your family or otherwise, you are no longer alone to carry it. I will help you shoulder it. I will always have your back, and always be in your corner. No matter what.
Nathan, I'm so glad you caught me running through the flowers that day. And I'm so happy that I could, as you said, fill your life with flowers and with color. But my life was pretty drab too, before I met you. Gray and common, until you came into it, in that bright red serge. You were all the color I needed. Though I didn't even realize my life was missing color, until your scarlet came and changed…well, everything. You made me want more, and that more, was you.
I can't wait to be your Mrs. Grant. I will forever be proud to bear your name, to carry that part of you, as my own. You are a husband to be proud of, and I am very proud of you, Nathan Grant.
Nathan, you are my home. My refuge, my safe place. My harbor in the storm. The one person I want to share things with, and even argue with, and make-up with. The first person I want to see in the morning, and the last person I want to kiss before I close my eyes, at night.
You are my true love.
Even if I don't have a lot of experience with love, I know that much. Our love is pure and true. I can laugh with you, or cry with you, and I am comfortable with you. But you are also the one person who can push me and challenge me. You make me dream higher than I did before, and you make me grow. You make me better, just like my father advised. And I love that I do the same for you. The sky will be our limit, my love. Our only limit.
I, too, am looking forward to all of our tomorrows. To building that dream house, to creating a family, and growing old, with you. When I close my eyes, I can already see us sitting on that porch swing till we are old and gray, me wrapped in your arms, as we watch our children and grandchildren grow.
Let it begin.
I will see you soon, and I will gladly pledge my love, my heart, my soul, all that I am to you. Forever.
Yours always,
J
Author's Note:
Just wanted to give special mention to my IG friend guardedheartie, who's recent post (June 12) on "Hugs" actually inspired the hug in this chapter. Or perhaps it was all the comments, about how "hug-able" Nathan is, that played into the inspiration. But, either way, I had been struggling with how Julia would respond to receiving Nathan's first wedding gift. And, after reading that post, it seemed only fitting to add a significant hug here. And since he and Julia embrace quite often, I needed it to stand out.
I hope it did. In my opinion, hugs are a sign of intimacy and depth of relationship. They speak of a connection. And, I love that Julia throws herself into Nathan's arms, and there's even a thud. Because they have all those things, and more. As they both deserve.