Chapter 165

Waking up on Wednesday was much more enjoyable for Valkyrie. She woke without an alarm at around nine and rolled over, squinting her eyes open to see Nadia. Her girlfriend had her lips parted slightly, hair a mess all over the pillow and over her shoulders and neck. She'd grown it out these last few months and it looked really good on her. Valkyrie's own was down to her shoulder blades.

Her phone buzzed, knocking her out of her tired musings. She reached around and grabbed it, squinted at the brightness and once she had that down, opened the message.

It was from Tanith, asking how the holiday was going. Being quiet, she laid on her back and text back, 'It's going well, nothing to report yet. How's it for you?'

A few moments later, 'Disappointing. What's your plan? Laila is trying to hold everything. She got Erskine's phone and threw it, the screen broke. The boys are excited for you to give news. Solomon is busy. My nipples hurt.'

Valkyrie tried not to laugh. Laila was a strong baby apparently, and it didn't shock her that everyone was getting excited for her to pop the question and report back. Lying back, looking at Nadia, she wondered what her reaction would be. So long as she said yes, and Valkyrie was fairly confident she would, there would be kissing and excitement, asking about the ring. Then just telling people, really. Sending a picture of the ring to her friends from boarding school, Valkyrie would be sure to read their reactions, she sort of missed them herself. They'd have to phone her family and tell them. What would Nadia want to do about her own family? It was so close to Christmas, it would be right to tell them. But just to send a random text out of the blue to inform them of the fact didn't feel right. They weren't on speaking terms, so it also didn't feel right to suddenly call and act like nothing happened before this. If they waited until they were in person it might be alright, but it equally could be awful if they took that as hiding big things from them and that wouldn't work in their favour.

Nadia took a deep break and rolled onto her back, stretching out like a cat. Smiling, Valkyrie text Tanith back. 'Tell Laila she's a good girl. Sorry about your nips, get some cream or something. I promise to have results soon. Have to go, Nadia woke up.' She put the phone back on her bedside and shuffled over to Nadia.

"Good morning," she smiled, kissing Nadia's bare shoulder.

"Hmm, good morning baby," Nadia said back, her voice a little husky from sleep. "You're so pretty."

Valkyrie kissed her neck. "You're beautiful. Do you want to go and get something to eat?"

"I haven't woke up yet. Still sleeping," she moaned, rolling onto her side and right into Valkyrie's mostly flat chest. "Hello boobies."

"As much as I'd love to go down on you right now, I don't think I can manage sex today," she said, stretching and pulling the covers back.

Nadia moaned. "I forgot."

"Come on, it's going to be a really good day still. If we hurry we can have a nice breakfast. I'll find somewhere on my phone."

"Oh, alright," Nadia grumbled and pushed herself up. "Did I hear your phone earlier?"

"Yeah, Tanith was texting me. Laila got Erskine's phone and managed to throw it so hard it broke the screen," she said as she picked out her clothes for the day and started dressing. "Did you know she's two and a half months old now? God, she's so old."

"Yeah, of course," Nadia said. "I was there for her birth; I think I'd remember details like how old she is."

Valkyrie rolled her eyes. "I just asked."

"Yeah, well. Ask better questions."

They got ready, talking and joking as they went, and then left their room and took the underground over to the area their day's activity was. Not far from the underground tunnel they found a nice café and after a half-hour wait for a seat, they were taken to a table. They chose waffles for breakfast, Valkyrie deciding to go out on a limb and try bacon, sausage and syrup on hers while Nadia decided to be a bit healthier and have a mix of fruit.

They enjoyed it but they were also a bit sombre because around the next block was the nine eleven memorials. It was in a park, or what was now a park, with a lot of trees. It looked hollow in winter, rather than beautiful, as they had lost their leaves. It made the two large squares on the left and right stand out that much more.

The two didn't speak as they went around. They held hands and walked slowly, reading the plaques, the names, the stories and taking it in. Neither of them had experienced anything so big, but it did bring back a lot of memories they had about the Sanctuary attack. This was so much larger that Valkyrie felt bad for even comparing it, but that was her only real comparison. Having been one of the only ones to survive the bomb outside of the safe room too, the memorial both emphasised how damn lucky she was to be alive and how… how small she felt. It wasn't quite guilt or confusion but just that feeling of seeing so much pain and suffering in one place and being a survivor that she felt like she didn't belong. Like she was being bad to even step foot here and have thoughts of being a survivor when others had been through something so much more.

Nadia squeezed her hand, feeling her unease. "You alright?" She said from their park bench. It was peaceful, even with the ever-present sound of cars in the distance. They'd been there for at least two hours or more already.

"Yeah. It's just a lot to take in at once," she said slowly.

"It is. It's bigger than I expected," she commented. "You don't look relaxed."

Valkyrie put her eyes to the ground as Nadia wrapped an arm around her own comfortingly. "I'm just thinking about, you know, the Sanctuary."

"About the explosion? We never really spoke about that," Nadia said quietly. "It all happened so fast and then I was so focused on you recovering and all the family issues it never came up."

"It's alright. I haven't thought about it much really, except a few times at the new Sanctuary in Roarhaven. I guess it's just seeing the impact of this place that made me think about it more," she explained. "There's just so many stories of all the survivors and victims."

"What are you thinking?"

"What do you mean?"

"It feels like you're going into your mind, somewhere you've hidden away. Tell me about it," Nadia said quietly, getting them to meet eyes. Hers were big and brown and beautiful, Valkyrie's sad and far away. "I want to help you."

Valkyrie sighed. "It doesn't feel right to do that. I'm just me, you know? I'm trained and built to deal with all this stuff. I'm a part of a suicide team, being in dangerous places with insane people that really could destroy the whole world is my speciality. So being blown up, I guess it's not really something I should talk about because it's going to happen a lot more times and it really is just going to be a part of my job. So many good, innocent people died. Their deaths are worth more because they were paper pushers, the in-between people, the ones in the background. What right did anyone have in killing those innocent people? But that's not the case for me. If anyone is meant to get caught up in that, it's me."

"That doesn't mean you can't feel sad and angry about it," Nadia said, resting her chin on Valkyrie's shoulder. "It was really scary."

"Yeah," she said after a moment. "It was. I don't even remember it, but just going for the panic signal and it not working was bad enough. I knew we were fucked when that happened, even as I was thrown back from it. And Skulduggery and Craven fighting over the switch outside… it was less than two seconds. But it made a bigger impact than I thought it did."

"You sound like you're holding it in still."

"I don't want to cry. This isn't, you know, my place. This is for these victims, for this city and its people."

"I don't think anyone would mind sharing."

Valkyrie smiled at her. "I'm still not doing it. I guess, if I wanted to get really deep about it, I am just really conflicted about it all. I want to say I got through it by a fluke and not think about it because it's not from anything I did, just pure accident that I lived. And on the other hand, I think about everything that happened and just knowing I was there when it happened, unconscious and unable to defend myself at all. It's an awful feeling Nadia. I'm not the weak one. I'm the one that is meant to stop that from happening. I failed to do that. I don't really know what I feel."

"No one is ever going to blame you for what happened that day," Nadia said firmly. "But I can imagine that just knowing you were there would be frightening enough. It scares me thinking that you were there at all."

"You were so good through all of it," Valkyrie said, thinking back. "From the moment you could be with me you were. It was really amazing."

Nadia blushed but didn't smile. "It was so hard."

"Tell me about it."

She let out a small chuckle but it lacked humour. "It was just a lot of stress at once. Being at the hospital and you being scared of Kenspeckle. Your family playing up, and the tensions between Ghastly and Tanith as well as everyone being both divided and against Skulduggery all at once. I was so happy when you opened your eyes and looked at me. But then we realised you'd have to go through a process to get back to us again and it was really, really scary. Civet thought it might take months or days, we had no idea. I'm so grateful it was soon though. On some days you acted like a toddler with the strength of Anton."

"God, I'm sorry," Valkyrie said, partly ashamed, partly embarrassed. "I didn't hurt you, did I?"

She hesitated. "Not very much. It's just, if you wanted to be read to, you'd get angry when we stopped and we didn't know you'd act out until it was happening. So once I was sitting on the floor with you and you just snapped. I only had a few bruises but more than once you had to be restrained in the bed. I – I had to leave the room. I felt so bad Val, but I couldn't watch you go through that."

"Hey, it's okay, don't be upset about that," Valkyrie said quickly. "I'm just sorry I hurt you. I'd have been happy if you'd just visited me every other day, you know what I mean? I never expected you to stand by me like that. It meant the world to me. It still does. You have to be the most loyal woman on the planet."

That cheered her up a bit. "It was the right thing to do. I think as well I just needed a bigger excuse to leave my parents. You being ill was just the perfect reason to leave them to live with you, and I'm really glad I did it," she smiled, kissing Valkyrie's cheek. "Do you remember anything from when you were, I don't know, not you?"

"Kind of," she said, screwing her nose up without realising. "I guess I remember vague things? Or maybe I just think I do. It's really weird, it's like a dream where you can't quite grasp the context or situation you were in but you remember this event or that? Like, I think I remember being read to, but I don't remember the book or what happened or who did it. So I'm doubting I actually remember it and I just think I do because I've been told that happened."

"That makes sense," Nadia nodded slowly. "The brain is really strange with these things. When you were getting better, some days you'd remember events from when you were eight or nine but you'd have the emotional capacity of a four year old and your muscle memory was an entirely different age too. Like, one day you couldn't hold a pen and the next you could suddenly copy a picture really well without anything happening but sleeping. Then you remembered how to read and write, although that took a bit longer to do. It was interesting to watch, even though it was scary."

"That was scary too?"

"I was scared – we were scared that you'd stop progressing and get stuck with the mind of a ten year old for years, or that you had lost your recent memories and wouldn't know what was happening. We were prepared for you being a lot worse for a lot longer than you were," she explained, holding Valkyrie's arm tightly. "I thought I'd lose you."

"Aww, baby," Valkyrie muttered, pulling her close and tucking her into her side. If she was just a little taller they'd fit perfectly. Internally, Valkyrie wished she could grow a few more inches. Just enough to make cuddling even better. "It's okay now though, I'm back the way I was. If anything, I'm probably more mature than I was. This was a wakeup call for us all on how we were acting. I mean, I wasn't being that bad but it's still good to grow up one day. This helped me think more clearly about the future, you know?"

"Yeah? What do you want in the future?" Nadia asked in a cute voice, looking up at her with a bit more hope and security now she was tucked under her arm. She was adorable.

"I want to have a house fit for us, which we're doing. I'm really glad we're going to have our own apartments and also communal areas. It's just a more sophisticated way to co-habituate I suppose."

Nadia laughed. "That's a weird way of putting it."

"It's true though," she defended with a grin. "We'll have a large place to grow and learn new things about ourselves and each other. After we've finished with the Spiders I want to get back into music or perhaps a different hobby. We'll have lots of room to do all that, and I don't know if I would have wanted to when everyone was spread out and we ran into each other all the time. We'll have more secure private areas now, and when we're not there everyone understands it's okay to be with us. It'll make us get on better too."

"Mhmm, I think so too," Nadia agreed. "Anything else you want in the future?"

"A family," she said, grinning bigger. "We have a family, but a little family just between us two would be nice."

"I want to be called Mummy," Nadia dibbed. "What will you get called?"

"Mammy? No, that's not right. I always said Mummy to my Mum. You'd make a good Mama though."

"Mama," Nadia tried out.

"It can't be shortened, so it would work for you," Valkyrie pointed out. "Eventually Mummy will just be Mum. I wouldn't mind that but I bet you would want to be a Mummy forever."

"Yeah, I'd be an over-obsessed parent," Nadia said with a look of faked self-disappointment. "I always wanted to be Mummy though."

"To be fair, most kids get picked on if they say Mummy for too long. It might be best just to be Mama to get your way."

She looked away to think for a moment, then shook her head and grinned widely. "We're going to have to argue over it when I'm pregnant one day."

Valkyrie grinned, the sudden vision of Nadia pregnant filling her mind. "I can't wait."

"Well you need to," Nadia said, flipping her hair. "Anyway, you're not getting any babies from me until you've married me, Miss Cain, so don't try any funny business."

Valkyrie laughed, trying not to panic the moment Nadia said 'married' because she didn't know Valkyrie's plan but that didn't make it any less worrying that she might suss it out. She went to her panic plan. "Hey, why don't we get out of here and do something fun?"

"Fun?" Nadia said, raising an eyebrow.

"Yeah," she said, trying not to talk to quickly. Focus, damnit! "Like, let's not get upset about what happened. We should celebrate what we have, right? And move on so we can get to our future plans. You haven't told me yours yet."

"Well, I suppose that's doable," Nadia smiled after a moment. "You know what I really want right now? A massage. And a pedicure. I forgot my nail set and they need doing. You've never gone to a salon with me."

This distracted them both, luckily. They stood and started out of the memorial, minds on happier, better thoughts now. "Where are we going to find a nice salon in New York City?"

"I hope you're being sarcastic right now. Take me to lunch and I'll find one," she said, a small ray of sun brightening for just a moment to light up Nadia's beautiful face. She had to be the luckiest woman in the world, Valkyrie mused.

We're getting closer ;) I feel bad for drawing it out, but it's how it is! I wanted the whole week to be romantic plus all the tourist stuff. I'm trying to be fast with the chapters ahead so you get this quicker. I expect literally everyone to review when the proposal chapter comes out so I can feel like we're gushing together!

Lord Duck the Second: Very specific, I like it. That .8 just really helps me understand the finer, more intricate details of the writing that you appreciate. Thank you for helping me understand. You definitely asked me a spoiler question, but I will vaguely answer it. The war is coming, as you know, and once they get back the story will follow Valkyrie going with Solomon to have her magic sealed. I haven't written it yet so this may not happen, but I think right now that that will be a lot of time skips as really it's going to be training, prep and then the actual magic sealing. Not much to write honestly. Then back in Ireland there will be more tensions and a lot of dealing with other Santuaries pushing themselves where they're not welcome as well as Spiders and co getting up to all sorts of crazies. I'm trying to meld two different wars together - a civil one between Ireland and the Spiders, and a Sanctuary one between Ireland/allies versus all other Sanctuaries. I'm getting there, they're about the age of what they were in Cassandra's vision now! I should have them visit her again.

Remus Cyka Crux: I'm smashing these out purely and simply because I don't want to do my dissertation research. As soon as I've done my homework I'll stop being as frequent because why on earth would I write lesbian fanfictions except to forget my real life responsibilities? I like Christophe too, I thought I'd be a cute addition to kind of show some good human beings! He was supportive and cute, even if he was a bit full-on. Honestly, though, I'm not sure your friends are real. You're definitely gay, anyone who got this far into the story is at least a little gay, but not so sure about the rest.